Dancing in the rain
by Linneagb
Summary: Years after the New Directions were discharged Blaine Hummel- Anderson is back. In searching for a new job he gets one at the library at wmhis and decides to get the glee club back. He knows that even with Sue gone it won't be easy but shame on the one who gives up because after all- life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass but learning how to dance in the rain. SYOC closed
1. Prologue

**So well, I've been sending in loads and loads of syoc- characters to different writers but I have now decided to write a syoc of my own. Well… that's kind of it. I really hope you like it, the rules and syoc- form are on my profile and there is also the current cast list- read the rules CAREFULLY before filling the form up thank you. So well, on with the story**

"Mr. Hummel Anderson- you have no education of being a librarian." I shook my head. "You have no experience of being a librarian, you're young, you could just as well have found another, better paid job within a week after starting here." I bit my lip as Mr. Campbell- the boss at the library spoke- and thought that all of my chances of getting the job as a librarian in McKinley's library were gone.

"But you've got that something and…" he leaned forward and almost whispered. "I really don't think that it takes too much education for this job. If you can promise me you'll keep this job at least until Christmas- then it's yours- and then we'll see what happens after that. So what do you say?" I smiled and reached my hand forward to shake Mr. Campbell's.

"I'll take it. Of course. So when can I start?" Mr. Campbell answered me Monday- the second Monday of the term that would be- today was Wednesday the first week after school had started in usual order after the summer at William McKinley High School- and by then I had been e- mailing with the head librarian Mr. Michael Campbell to hopefully get myself a job.

It had been three years since the New Directions were put down, Mr. Schue had left the school as well as I and the others that were graduating that year. I had gotten into NYADA and spent one year there with Kurt before I could stand up to him and tell him that I didn't think NYADA was anything for me, we married, finished doing everything around that and then I spent another year and a half there as Kurt was still in NYADA and then when Kurt graduated we had started talking about moving back to Lima to just… go back to where we came from. Kurt would work through the Internet on Vogue, I would spend my time taking the job that I could and just be to maybe figure out what it was I wanted to do.

And so in July I and Kurt had after many if's and but's moved in with Kurt's dad and stepmother. It felt a bit like intruding on their life- maybe a bit too much- but they all seemed happy- and of course I was too so I couldn't see any problem with it.

I was walking down the hallway towards the parking lot. The hallway was almost empty but still I couldn't help to look around and remember the places, there was where I had told Kurt I was transferring to McKinley, there was my old locker, there was Finn's old locker…. And there was the auditorium… God I couldn't even.

I stopped by the auditorium as I heard music from in there and then slowly walked in, standing in the curtains and watching the tall, dark- haired boy who stood with a guitar and just started singing a song I didn't recognize- but that- as I heard every single word- just seemed to suit so perfectly, and the last lines hitting me right in the heart.

_It's just so hard to believe  
That I will never ever see you again  
And it's just so hard to understand  
That I will never ever hear your voice again_

'_Cause God has taken back  
His most beautiful angel  
And I just still can't believe  
I just still can't believe you're gone_

'_Cause even though I know you're dead  
It's just so hard to understand  
That nothing can't ever bring you back  
And I just still can't believe you're gone _

_You were always- such a nice person  
You were always smiling  
Always happy  
Always shining_

_And it's just so sad, it's so unfair  
That you died so very young  
And you will never get out of school  
And you will never ever get yourself a job_

'_Cause even though I know you're dead  
It's just so hard to understand  
That nothing can't ever bring you back  
And I just still can't believe_

_I just still can't believe you're gone  
I just still can't believe you're gone  
'Cause I don't want to believe you are gone _

I wanted to go over and speak to the boy who now pulled the guitar so it hang with the shoulder band on his back and then left the auditorium with his back towards me as he walked into the curtains on the other side- and I just couldn't move. I just couldn't speak up or catch up with him or anything and I just stood there for several minutes.

I knew it, right there and then

I had to

I had to bring the glee club back to this school

Whatever it would take

If there was more people with the talent that this boy left in this school

Then I just had to

Almost paralyzed from what I had just realized I slowly and stiff started walking down the hallway towards the parking lot again. "Kurt." I ran into the house later that day. "Kurt I need to speak to you, now, come on we'll go upstairs." I hadn't really noticed that Kurt was helping Carole with dinner so Kurt looked to her, she just waved to him to go with me and I more or less pulled him upstairs. "I've gotten the craziest, stupidest most wonderful idea ever." I almost jumped saying it as I closed the door to Kurt's room and told him.

"I….. I walked through McKinley and I heard music from the auditorium, and I walked in and I saw this boy I don't know who it was. But I just knew Kurt I just knew. I- I have to bring the glee club back. Because if there are more kids with this crazy talent that this boy had then McKinley just needs a place for it and I… I need to bring back the glee club I just need to."

"That sounds like a wonderful idea Blaine… but exactly how much have you thought about it?"

"About ten minutes but Kurt come on you didn't see that kid he had some crazy talent and oh I got the job by the way so I'm going to be at McKinley all day long anyway and Kurt, Kurt, Kurt. You know how much this glee club helped you and everybody else and I need to bring that back to the school I just know it."

"Blaine, that's a tremendous idea but just… just keep in mind that even now when Sue is gone it certainly won't be easy. And maybe you should talk to this Mr. Campbell and hear with him so it's okay for you to leave work to have glee club a few times a week." I sighed, feeling the extra excitement running of me before I sat down on the bed heavily.

I was going to say more but then there was a knock on the door and Carole opened it. "Boys? Can you come down into the kitchen there's something I need to speak to you and Burt about." I noticed the distressed look in Carole's eyes, face and whole body language and knew that this was too important, talks about plans for the glee club could wait for later and I and Kurt looked scared to one another before we stood up and followed her downstairs where Burt had arrived and the dinner stood on the table.

"Burt I know you've met him but Kurt… Blaine… do you know about my brother?" Both Burt and Carole looked to us two, I shook my head and Kurt looked to Carole.

"Isn't that him who lives in some tiny little town in Massachusetts and is a real…" Kurt stopped talking.

"Asshole." Burt finished his sentence and Burt nodded. "Yep, that's him."

"Well…" Carole continued. "He's got two children- my nephew and niece then of course- Christie and Michael and… Christie's very ill. She's got something called renal which is when…" She bit her lip searching for an explanation. "Well it's basically another word for kidney failure. And… now Stephen-my brother- have made up his mind that he can't stand to see her like this anymore- if I know my brother right it's because he's too lazy to care for her- he's decided to well… put her on a plane so that she can come and live here- with us."

"But that's terrible!" I stated. "I mean- who would send their sick kid away because they're too lazy to take care of her? What a jerk!" Carole nodded slightly and when everyone else seemed to have forgotten about the food she grabbed my plate and started putting up chicken and rice on it.

"I'd scold you for calling him a jerk and an asshole but I couldn't really have said it any better myself. He's been like that since we were little- self- centric I mean. If he doesn't like something then he'll just let it be no matter how important it is." She put my plate down in front of me and moved on with Kurt's. "But I was thinking… we can't keep Stephen from doing this- he knows I'll take care of her though so I guess he could have been worse- but… she'll stay here for a long while so we obviously need to make room for her- and I was thinking we could re- do Finn's room." Carole put Kurt's plate down and then sat down heavily, she was looking down but we could all hear her sniveling and see how she lifted her hand to wipe a tear from her eye.

"Hey." Burt moved closer to her and stroke her back. "You don't have to do that. We could just as well re- do the guest room." Carole shook her head and cleared her throat.

"No." She looked up again "I'm sorry. Finn's room is the biggest- the closest to the bathroom when she gets sick- close to both ours and yours. It will be the best believe me and there's no reason for Finn's room to just stand there and collect dust. We cleaned his room at the college out so we can take this one too." After giving Burt food she finally put food on her own plate, and then we could sit down to eat. "And as well… first of all we need to clean it out, then you Burt is painting it- just white or something else that will work- then I need one of you guys to help Burt paint. And I think Finn's old bed will do because it was almost new when Finn moved. But the rest of the furniture and things we'll have to buy... so I need one to help me with that.. is… there… anyone who would like to help me."

"I will, I will, I will, I will." Kurt was almost too excited and I nodded to Burt in a gesture to show that I'd help him. Kurt's excitement had kind of lit up the atmosphere a little and we all turned to our plates to eat and Carole continued telling us about Christie and all pranks she and Finn had been doing when they were younger. Suddenly getting serious.

"I haven't met Christie for years though. The last time I met her she was nine and I and Finn went there on his vacation from school once but she's… she's five years older now, she's a lot more mature and not to mention a lot more sick than what she was then. She's a whole other person, I am a whole other person now from then too and… according to my brother's wife and my nephew Christie's changed a lot just in the last few months … I guess that we will all see on Sunday afternoon when she comes here won't we?"

Both Burt and Carole took days off work the rest of the week- I guess no one of them wanted to- and none of them maybe should but- with us all being caught up in trying to clear out Finn's old room was something that seemed to take a lot more time than what any of us had expected. "Hey" We were sitting around the living room with some of Finn's old boxes of clothes and Kurt spoke up. "Remember this?"

Kurt held up a red T- shirt that to me seemed like just any T- shirt but that it obviously wasn't to Kurt as he carefully held it on one of his hands and then picked up some invisible piece of dust or whatever before he folded it slowly and carefully. "Blaine? Do you remember what I told you about when we did don't stop believing?" I nodded. "Well this is the shirt that he was wearing." Kurt carefully laid it down in the box for keeping.

"Oh, Burt honey." Carole's voice was heard and he stopped himself in the middle of a move putting down a hoodie in the box for things we were giving away. "I'll take care of that shirt we can't sell it." She smiled holding it and seemed to remember something. "Christie loved it, she used to steal it from him all the time…. He'd want her…" Carole sniveled and her voice seemed shaky and broke when she continued talking. "He'd want her to have it." Carole held her palm pressed towards her mouth obviously trying to keep from crying even though it was too late.

Kurt was the closest- and the fastest one of us, he jumped over some things on the floor and then embraced his stepmum. Burt soon came after and embraced them both, I looked to my watch- I didn't want to interrupt this sweet family moment so I was planning to do just by lunchtime- except now was dinner and drive and buy food since no one had the time or was in the mood to do cooking.

"Oh no you don't Mister." Carole's voice stopped me and I turned around to see her stretching her arm out as if to embrace someone that was coming to her. "Come here." I hesitated, I might be family now when I and Kurt were married but doing like that would be like barging into their family in a way that I shouldn't. "Come here honey- I'm going to pull you over here if I have to and I'd rather not." I smiled and then walked closer and put my arms around each of Carole's and Kurt's shoulders.

"I love you so much." Carole's voice was shivering. "And I'm afraid I can almost promise that this is going to be hard but… we've got each other- that's what's important okay? We can do this- together! Don't you dare give up when things get hard." She hung her head and cleared her throat. "Now come on. We'd better get a move on." She grabbed the hoodie and hung it over the back of the sofa and then turned away from it when she went through another box.

We were done with going through Finn's old things after midnight, and after we had moved out the furniture we were giving or throwing away we all fell into our beds more or less- and I noticed that I wasn't the only one falling asleep still in both jeans and button up- but hey- I'd change in the morning

In… the… morn…

On Friday Burt, Carole and Kurt drove away with a big truck from Hummel's tires and lube to get the pieces of furniture we needed (well, hopefully) and everything else, including painting for the walls. I didn't feel like driving so I got a bus to McKinley and walked over to the principal's office. The new principal was a young woman- perhaps just a few years older than me with a big smile and kind eyes, and seeing just that I knew only right away she'd give me the answer I wanted about putting up the glee club.

"From what I've heard about the glee club in this school earlier you Mr. Hummel- Anderson must be out of your mind." She smiled and leaned back, twisting her chair slightly. "But I like you- I like the vision you seem to have- so I'm going to say yes." I jumped up on my feet and happily pulled a hand through my hair. "Promise me one thing though- make it be more about the students' happiness and well- being that about the winning and the talent okay?" I nodded.

"Oh. Miss… Miss Riley I could… I… I'm sorry I just got to," Without hesitating I hurried around the desk and simply just embraced Miss Riley- don't say it I was already ashamed for it. "Thank you… I'm… I'm going to make you happy for saying yes okay? Okay now I need to go speak to Mister Campbell" Miss Riley smiled.

"I'll talk to him. Don't worry- I've known Mr. Campbell since I was born more or less. I know just the way to make him give in for just about anything so he'll give you time off for directing the glee club. And I already am happy for saying yes." I opened my mouth to say more when my phone went off with the song teenage dream- the signal for when my Kurt was calling.

"Sorry I should probably take this." I pressed to answer the call and put the phone to my ear. "Hey honey." I started to say more but didn't have the time before he interrupted. "Whoa Kurt, slow down I can't understand a word of what you're saying."

"There's been some mix of about when Christie was arriving. She's at the airport waiting for us now. We're on our way, if you want to come we can pick you up?" I nodded even though I knew he couldn't see me and answered yes. "Are you at McKinley? We'll be by the main entrance in two minutes." I hung up after saying goodbye for the moment.

"I'm sorry I need to go. I don't really have time to explain but I really need to leave. Oh and by the way. I think there's a new student coming on Monday, I'll call when I know more bye." I spun around and jogged down the hallway and down the stairs, coming through the doors outside just as the car pulled over and I could jump in into the back seat.

"The next time I see that god damn bastard I swear I'll strangle him with my own bear hands." Carole mumbled- and I almost choke on the drink that I had le… okay… stolen from Kurt for the moment. "Telling me she'll arrive on Sunday when he knows perfectly well it's Friday just because one Christie will be waiting for me to come and get her for hours before she calls me up and two because he knows I'll feel bad for it and three because he knows we won't have fixed what we need to before we need to get her." Carole made a sharp turn towards the airport and hit the gas.

"Where's the truck you were getting by the way?" I asked and looked to Kurt as I wanted to think of anything else than Carole's tirade of swearing words to the red stoplight because if I didn't I'd laugh at it even though there was actually nothing funny in the situation- it was just so unlike Carole.

"It's so heavy it's slow so we drove by at home and switched." Kurt grabbed onto the seat before Carole made another sharp turn, I that wasn't just as smart fell to the side with the sharp turn and hit my head in the window. "Carole take it easy!" Kurt scolded. "Blaine honey are you okay?" I moaned and stroke the side of my face.

"I'm sorry honey." Carole said and glanced at me in the rearview mirror. "Do you want me to take a look at that when we've met up with Christie?" I shook my head and lowered my hand again despite the still pounding side of my face- I was definitely getting a black eye from that but nothing I wouldn't be able to handle.

And when Carole pulled over in the parking lot in front of the airport I was fast enough to hold tightly onto the seat in front of me. "Come on then guys." Carole said and stepped out before she- just in front of us others as I gripped tightly onto Kurt's hand. After we came into the airport Carole led us up some stairs while she explained to me what was going on. "Christie's mum called me just about half an hour ago and said Christie had called her and said we weren't here yet. So she were wondering if we were safe, that's how I found out she was arriving today and not Sunday like Stephen told me." Carole looked around the waiting hall. "Damn it where is she?"

"Is that her?" Burt asked and nodded towards a girl sitting on a row of plastic chairs Indian style, her clothes- printed black sweatpants, grey- brown, printed hoodie and a black backpack with small white polka dots all seemed way too big for her- even the backpack and along with a trunk and a rolling bag I didn't understand how she had gotten this far. A member of staff sat by her and I could guess it was because she was under age and travelling alone he needed to make sure the right person came and got her from the airport.

But none of that actually mattered- the first thing I realized was how small the girl was- Carole had told us she would be small for her age- fourteen turning fifteen in February- but I hadn't expected her to be this tiny. She looked like her… like a light gust of wind could knock her right over that's how small she was.

"Yeah that's her." Carole said at last. "You wait here." She walked towards the little girl sitting glaring up at the man from the staff. "Christie?" Christie looked away from the man and over to Carole just as Carole rushed over and embraced the young teenager. We didn't hear what they were saying but we saw Christie's lips moving when she said something and Carole showed her ID to the staff member before she showed to me, Kurt and Burt come closer.

"Christie, this is my husband Burt, his son Kurt, and Kurt's husband Blaine. Guys this is Christie." Christie glanced to Burt and then to Kurt before she glanced over to me- and then her eyes met mine- and for one split second before I just thought… I just thought.

"Her eyes!" Kurt whispered to me. I nodded.

"I know."

"I thought…."

"Me too!"

**So… any guesses what it is with Christie's eyes? **

**Oh, and when I'm writing this the only chapter I've got left for my update- all- of- my- stories- at- the- same- time- project is Barole A to Z. So as soon as that that chapter is done all of them chapters and this one will be up. **

**Oh and also, this story is currently not top priority cause I've got nine stories and well, but I will do my very best to keep updating, and I won't abandon the story. And one more thing- I usually don't use songlyrics in my stories, but in this chapter there's a song that I'm free to use because I wrote it myself. I don't want anyone to use it in their story if they'd want to- without one- asking me first and two- give me credit for it. **

**So, keep them syoc's coming. I can't wait to see what you've got **


	2. Cast list

**Freshman**

**Charlotte Maria Amato, 15 Freshman, portrayed by G Hannelius. **Lottie is a really shy girl that does her best to just get through the day unnoticed, sitting in a corner planning on some new choreography or melody. Or sitting with her sketching block on her lap drawing. When you talk to Lottie you're going to realize she almost never speaks unless being spoken to first, and that her voice sound kind of quiet and light which might have a part in that anyone who hear her singing stops to stare because no one can just believe such a skinny body can store all of that voice- and also all of that energy when she dances. Will the glee club be able to help Lottie so to the point she will be ready to show the world her talents? And will it happen without Lottie's self- confidense pushing her so to the bottom she gets physically ill- again? **(Sent in by Joshiferjennoist)**

**Christie Natalie Kyemohr, 14, Freshman, portrayed by Savannah McReynolds. **This young, small- grown teenager just moved from West Bridgewater, Massachusetts to live with her aunt Carole Hudson- Hummel and well... what is left of her family. No one would probably be able to tell any things that Finn and Christie share in personality or anything- and that is not just because she's almost half a meter shorter than what he was. But maybe the ironic- quite rude cover is something that hides what Finn also was before the New Directions- with nothing else then just a very scared and insecure person so desperate to do something right- will the glee club help Christie like it once helped Finn before the deadly disease that is already breaking her body down kills her? Or will she survive if help comes in time?** (My character)**

**Dakota Dmitri Lopez, 14, Freshman, portrayed by David Archuleta **Born in Puerto Rico and moved to Lima with father and four older brothers that are all getting high- status- jobs Dakota never felt as if his biggest interest- music with singing and songwriting- actually mattered. This has caused him to be insecure and always wondering what people think of him which he hides with a cover that makes him act like he wouldn't care about what anyone thought of him and he will act like he doesn't care and tell what he really thinks of different things even if it's not always nice. Will the glee club help Dakota like it once helped his cousin to step out of his shell once and for all and help him to dare to do what he really wants to and reach for his dreams? **(Sent in by BabyGleeFan11)**

**Jasper Finley Birch,14, Freshman, portrayed by Oliver Coleman. **This young teenage boy have from a quite early age learnt how to take care for others with having to take care of his sister who's been suffering from depression since Jasper was twelve. Partly from there and partly because that is just the way he is he does his very best to always please anyone and everyone, he likes to make others smile and there is nothing that makes him happier than to know that he's made someone else happy- especially if that someone else is his sister. Jasper himself is a happy guy, he loves music and he have just got the kindest heart- but easily forgets to take care of himself and is something of a perfectionist. Will the glee club help young Jazz and help him realize that he matters too and it's okay for him to just think about himself? **(Sent in by TamJaspie)**

**Sophomore **

**Bradon Micheal Fredericks,16, Sophomore, portrayed by Cayden Boyd **Having learnt to play the guitar and also sing from Finn Hudson who- when B was little used to come over to play soccer with Bradon's older brother Alex, Bradon loves anything that involves singing, playing the guitar or the drums, no matter how much Alex insults him or tries to talk Bradon into that Finn's learning will all go to waste. Bradon is also- which gives Alex even more sources of insults- what many would call a geek for being so interested as he is in math and science. Will Bradon finally manage to prove to his bully older brother that it wasn't all for nothing with showing that the glee club really helps him? And will he finally be able to stand up to his brother and take a stand in the way Alex treats himself both at school and at home is not okay? **(Sent in by LocalXmusicXjellybeanX)**

**Esme Andrea Montague, 16, sophomore, portrayed by Shelley Hennig **Struggling with some choices she made in the past Esme is fighting to keep herself together and act strong not to fall victim for bullying yet again. People who doesn't know Esme too well can think she seems too self-confident and that she likes to discuss things a bit too much sometimes. When in fact her confidence is actually a facade trying to protect herself from getting hurt again, and the "discussing" is mostly friendly banger even though she won't give up on what she thinks and believes in. Will the glee club help Esme to realize that she can just let go every once in a while without anyone leaving her side, and will it help her to start letting other people close without fear of getting hurt?** (Sent in by Lorelai Sofia Petrova)**

**Lea- Marie Hale, 15, Sophomore, portrayed by Alicia Josipovic. **Some people sometimes call Lea- Marie by the nickname "Stormy" And this suits her very well and that is not only because her last name sounds like hail. But where this quite self- centric and rude girl comes in she will make herself heard and seen no matter what it takes to be so. She's alo spoilt, got quite a temper and is not afraid to use it to get what she wants. She basically dislikes anyone who doesn't give her what she wants and will do anything to get it anyway, not seldom using the "My mum is dead" card. She will also show it if she doesn't like you, and even if she isn't really nice to anybody, everyone will know who she doesn't like and why. Will the glee club maybe help Lea to realize that she isn't the center of the world and that she needs to give others a chance to shine too?** (Sent in by IloveheartlandX)**

**Martina Samantha Kessler, 16, sophomore, portrayed by Hayden Panettiere **Martina, who lives alone with her dad after her mum and cat died in an accident tends to seem either unsocial or like she talks way too much. But she's mostly just awkward around others. She has a way with always saying what she thinks- whatever she's thinks about but won't share her own feelings or talk about her past with anyone. Maybe glee club will help Marti on the track to be able to let people into her heart and soul again and help her to understand that sometimes things feel better after talking about them.** (Sent in by Riana Salvatore)**

**Seth Love Anderson-Phillips,16, Sophomore, portrayed by Sam Woolf. **Swedish-born as Love Anderson, when Seth was orphaned and adopted by his aunt and her husband and moved to America. After another car crash few years later and the doctors had to amputate one of Seth's legs he uses a prosthetic leg and they also moved to Lima to be closer to family. Seth is very sensitive to what others says and thinks about him but he does his best not to show it. While always trying to have a smile on his face and not to let anyone know ending up with only one leg made him give up on the things he loved the most and still trying to blame his adoptive dad for doing just that. But maybe the glee club can help him to get the strength and the confidence back to fight his fears and do what makes him happy** (sent in by GleeJunkie007)**

**Sharon Emily Fischer, 15, Sophomore, portrayed by Emma Stone **When you first meet Sharon she'll seem shy and quiet as se prefers to show in action rather than words. But to let that cover fool you would be a mistake, she's in fact witty, vivacious and sometimes sarcastic and rude. She'll sometimes act like she's not listening as she always needs to be moving in some way whether it is fingering her hair, examining her nails or something very different but she just needs to keep moving. She can sometimes act like she's a bit too selfish but in fact she's a very warm and caring person and she'll always take the time to listen. Sharon sometimes speaks before she thinks and that can get slightly awkward at times, will the glee club help Sharon open up about herself and her story? **(Sent in by Yonna9queen)**

**Junior **

**Belle Penelope Jolie, 17, Junior, portrayed by Jessica Sula **When you first meet Bella she seems shy, is always polite and quite careful with both what she does and what she says- that is always how she acts around people that she knows she should respect like teachers or friends' parents. But once you get to know her she never shuts up and comes up with the craziest ideas. Belle is very much into fashion and likes to sit and draw and design her own clothes, one of her biggest dreams is to be a real clothes' designer- which conflicts with her parents' idea and dream that she is going to have an as high- status job as her brother Lenny who is in the army. Maybe the glee club will help Bella to start reach for her own dreams instead of them to becoming a doctor like her parents want. **(Sent in by Gleekfreak908)**

**Benjamin Bo Heedie, 17, Junior, portrayed by Kåre Hedebrant **With a bit of a troubled past with rumors spreading about who and what his parents are and his sister being disabled. This loving and sweet junior student have learnt that it is never too early to show what he's feeling. Benjamin might seem a bit quiet at first but once you get to know him you realize that he could talk forever if you'd let him get started and he's always there to give a hand to hold or a shoulder to lean on no matter who needs it. Benjamin loves with all of his heart but if he gets angry he will show it and that as much as possible. Maybe the glee club will help Benjamin find more friends of his own age- if he so can keep on doing that, football and school along with taking care of his sister** (My OC)**

**2\. Keagan Rory Spencer, 16, Junior, portrayed by Alex Goot. **As a boy born in a girl's body as the first punch life have never been easy on Keags, but he's refused to let it bring him down with a happy and lively person. Keagan is also stubborn and will not take no for an answer at the same time as he likes to stand up and fight for LGBT- rights and other things he believes in even when it might get him in trouble. At school Keagan is relatively popular and he likes to hang out with his friends there and in his after- school- club, although when school is done for today he'd rather study, read or watch a movie than keep on hanging out with friends- except for the stables and his best friend Alma. Keagan have never been singing in front of people before but the new glee club might help him open up to the rest of the world to what he really wants to do.** (Sent in by LocalXmusicXjellybeanX)**

**Senior **

**1\. Daniel Jeremy Vincent, 18, Senior, portrayed by Shane Harper** Daniel Vincent beats about every prejudice about "today's teenagers" there is with his polite, helpful and hard- working person, his quite neat clothing style, his top grades and the way he just makes it seem like his self-confidence is good but how he yet cares for others just makes him one of McKinley's most liked students. But Daniel's self- confidence isn't as good as it seems, and despite being the star of the basketball team, having straight A's he just can't believe he's good enough for anybody. And when befriending Christie Kyemohr and something from his past is pulled right back in the limelight. Maybe Daniel will admit how lonely he actually is and why he prefers not to talk about his past or his family with the help of the glee club.** (My character)**


	3. Introductions part one

**Hello. Here is Linneagb once again with a brand new chapter, this is the first introductions chapter- and oh- to the question about Christie's eyes I had one person guessing they were similar to Finn's, and one person guessing that maybe they were two different colors- the answer will be in Christie's part of this chapter, and to the other question- who is in the cover- I had one guess Darren Criss, one guess it's me, and then a number of people that had no clue- answer is in the A/N at the bottom of this chapter **

**Lea- Marie POV **

"UGH." I hit my palm in the table. "You're so selfish, you never get me what I want." I stood up and stomped through the kitchen. Stopping with my hand at the door frame out to the hallway- I knew just the thing that would always work and make dad buy me what I wanted. "Vorrei che mamma fosse qui"

To tell dad that I wish my mum was here- I could almost see it shatter his heart into pieces as he lifted his chin from his hands and put one hand over his eyes. Seeing him do that- for a split second made me feel bad about what I had said and made me want to go over there and hug him- but I wasn't going to give in this time.

I turned around again stomping down the hallway and up the stairs to the third floor, the third floor that was all my room- it didn't even take a door because the whole floor was my room and there was a door in the beginning of the stairs- that I slammed as hard as I could on my way up. I slumped down on my bed and reached for the necklace lying on my bedside table for the night.

I twisted the silver chain around my fingers and took the charm- a silver heart with an "L" in my other hand and opened the locket before I carefully stroke the photo of my mum in it with the tip of my thumb and sighed- saying it to my dad was just another try to get the latest phone on the market- but in fact I really did wish she was here.

I just really missed her

When I heard dad come through the door and close it I closed the locket and pulled the clenched my hand carefully around it just as I could see dad's black- going on grey thatch over the wooden boards by the stairs before he walked all up and came and sat down by me. I hung my head and forced a couple of tears from my eyes before I sniveled.

"Lea, honey." Dad laid his palm towards my back and tried to pull me close. But I didn't give in and stayed by the head of the bed looking down and lifting my hand in a way to make my fake- crying seeming even more real. "Mio caro" Dad stroke away a tress of my long fringe hanging like a curtain in front of my face, but I pulled away from him without looking up.

From the corner of my eye I could see dad pull a hand through his hair- still tousled from the pillow and biting his lip in that way he used to when he was thinking about how to express himself still holding his hand on the back of his head, his fingers wrapped in all the dark, frizzy hair. "So" He began at last. "What was it that you wanted?"

I knew I didn't have to say it again so I raised and wiped the fake- tears before lying my cheek down on dad's shoulder and looking up at him , blinking with my big, green eyes and long eye- lashes. "Please daddy?" Dad sighed- I had my mother's eyes- and that's a part of why both I and he knew he couldn't say no when I looked at him like this. Dad sighed and looked away.

"Let's take a look at it when you come home from school today okay?" I smiled- and laid my head down on his shoulder in a more relaxed way- I knew it meant I would get what I wanted and I reached out my hand for my dad to take my hand in his, he did and lifted up my hand to kiss the back of it. "I love you Lea." He mumbled. "And I miss her too." I sighed- my mother had died of cancer four years ago.

"I need to go now." I pulled the chain to my necklace around my neck and took my handbag. "I don't want to be late for school." I grabbed the bigger bag that held my things for volleyball and swimming and dad helped me to pull it onto my back before I reached up to kiss his cheek before I walked down the stairs right in front of my dad who was working from home as usual today.

When I walked through the hallway downstairs towards the door dad's girlfriend Marion McDonald came out of the bathroom- smelling of vomit and with a hand laying towards her stomach, I felt dad gently pushing me out of the way to get past me and over to Marion where he laid a hand towards her back and let her lean against him.

I turned around in the door and looked to them both-none of them even looked at me before I turned around again, walked out of the house and threw my bags in the passenger seat before starting to drive down the hill and towards William McKinley high school. I drove on automat, inside my head the thoughts were spinning in my head.

Marion had stayed at our house tonight, in fact I thought she had a bit way too often lately. It wasn't that we didn't have space for her that made me hate the fact that she was staying more and more often. We had more than enough space, but I just didn't like who was taking up the extra space.

I just didn't like the way she was trying to get me to like her

I just didn't like the way she was trying to be my mum

She wasn't my mum!

I shook my head and let go of the thoughts before the thoughts had led me to thinking about my mum- I didn't want to think about her- not now! I forced myself to think about something else and tried my best to think about how to do it to give myself an as good chance as possible to get in trying out for the swimming team today.

But I couldn't stop thinking about dad and Marion anyway

They hadn't told me yet- but come on! I wasn't stupid!

I knew what it meant when someone- a woman went from being completely healthy and everything to suddenly getting sick and throw up every morning- always in the morning.

I pushed the thought away as I grabbed my bags and stepped out of the car by the school before walking in. When I stood by my locker I threw my bag inside with a bang, noticing a little Freshman (or something) that I hadn't seen before standing and looking by me with a woman- I could guess it was her mother because I didn't recognize her as someone who worked here and there was something similar in the proportions of the faces of them both- and I just had a feeling!

But who on earth would bring their mother with them to school? In High school? It wasn't even the first day!

"What?" After I had slammed my locker closed with more power than I had actually planned the girl was still staring at me, so when I asked her what she finally looked away, the woman told the girl something I couldn't hear and then I took my bag and walked down the hallway.

But my God! Was that woman stalking me or something?

As I stood by the bulletin board she came over and said something to a young adult- probably older than a student but way too young to be teaching high school students putting a paper on the board, I couldn't hear what she was saying. But I could catch that it was something about keeping an eye on somebody and the name "Blaine" before the woman turned around and walked down the hall again while the dark- haired man walked away in another direction.

I glanced over the bulletin board, I had already signed up for the Volleyball team and the Swimming team so I didn't really know why- there nothing else interesting in this school was it? Or at least I didn't think so until I spotted the paper the dark- haired young man had put up before- "Glee club" I read. "Auditions Tuesday 12: 30" I sighed and was on my way to turn around when I suddenly realized what it was I had read.

I hesitated, glee club was for nerds and outcasts wasn't it? But- I always felt like… like when I sung- it made me feel like my mum was there-maybe because she was the one to teach me to sing, and sing to me, back in Italy when I was little.

I bit my lip still hesitating- I knew it could push me down to one of them who would never be safe from slushies and insults walking down the hallway but- it was worth a try wasn't it? If it made me feel closer to my mum…

I took the pencil hanging on the board and slowly signed my name on the upper line of the list.

After all

There was no way any club would get on and function without anyone popular and high- ranked in it.

I was for sure what the glee club needed!

**Bradon POV **

"Bye geek!" My older brother Alex shouted to me when he jogged towards the soccer field by McKinley just after both I, him and my other older brother Bennett had stepped out of his car, Ben grabbed his skateboard and skated away towards the school building and I pulled my Harry- Potter- backpack onto my shoulders and slowly walked towards the front doors.

The first person I spotted coming through the doors of McKinley was Keagan Spencer who sat upon some lockers in the beginning of the hallway. I smiled, walked over there and bent my neck backwards to be able to look up at my best friend. "Hey" I greeted him. "Have you got a nice view?" Keagan nodded and reached out his hand to help me up but when I shook my head at it he shoved it in his pocket again.

"Hey geek." Alex walked by with another insult- I shook my head and tried to push away the thoughts about that I really didn't like the way he treated me- it didn't make anything better so I could just as well act like I didn't care. Alex just continued walking down the hallway and was soon out of my sight, and anyway I stood there and watched the point where he had disappeared- well- until I heard someone call my name.

"Bradon Fredericks!" I span around to see Carole Hudson standing there- she and her son had lived in the neighbor- house when I was little but when she married when I was nine or ten she moved away. "Don't come and tell me you still let your brother treat you like that!" I sighed and didn't know what to answer, so I looked away and wondered about how to switch subject when Keagan jumped down from the lockers and reached out his hand to greet Carole.

"Hey I'm Keagan." I continued looking away while they greeted each other and thought back- that one of my older twin- brothers was treating me like something the cat had dragged inside wasn't any news for either me or Carole. That's how it had been already when we were neighbors and she came over to let Finn play soccer with Alex or teach me to play the guitar and drums.

"Well…" Carole laid her hand against the back of a very short and very skinny girl that stood next to her. "This is Christie- she's my niece and well… she just arrived here to live here… I suppose we'd better get on- I want to have a talk with the new principal…" Carole was meaning to say more when Christie shook her hand off.

"Get off." Carole moved her hands to hold them behind her back and looked- seeming as she thought it- whatever it was, was quite hopeless and sighed- even though I could tell she was trying not to.

"Well… it feels… weird to be back here again. Have a good day Bradon, it was nice to see you again honey." She clapped my shoulder and then walked away through the hallway just as I and Keagan also started walking towards Keagan's locker. While she stood and got out her math equipment I stood by the bulletin board.

"Someone's putting up a new glee club." I stated and looked to Keagan. "Interesting?" Keagan shrugged.

"I guess I'll think about it… would you like to sign up... auditions are tomorrow!" I bit my lip and thought about it for a few seconds before I shrugged too. I liked singing and dancing- and playing the guitar and the drums- it was only one, tiny little problem…

"You're not signing up for the glee club are you Brady?" Suddenly Alex was behind me. "You know what I have told you Bradon… everything that Finn Hudson taught you was all a waste of time. If you joined the glee club it would be even more of a waste." Alex laughed and I sighed when he turned around and walked down the hallway.

"Don't listen to him Bradon." Keagan stated. "You join the glee club if you want to." I sighed.

"I'll think about it." Keagan closed his locker and we walked towards my locker. I was a sophomore and he was a Junior- but I had math class along with a Juniors' class along with- amongst others Keagan. I got my things and walked with Keagan towards the math classroom. Math was one of my best subjects and I usually didn't have any problems with concentrating, but this lesson I just couldn't keep concentration.

As soon as I told myself to start concentrating and turned to my books there was something that made me lose concentration, either it was murmur from someone asking help from the teacher or their friends- or simply just babbling their way through the lesson, or the sound of someone tapping a pencil towards their desk or their feet against the floor, or someone leaving for the bathroom or to get something or anything else- my head would shoot up and then I was back at square one

Because as soon as I lost concentration of my books my thoughts went back to the glee club, auditions and the Hudson's. And the clock seemed to go in slow motion as the seconds slowly passed by through the lesson, each second feeling like ages before the bell finally rang and there was the usual bangs and sounds of everyone trying to gather their things and get out in the hallway.

It felt like decades ago that the phone had been ringing and my mum went to take it. When she answered "Oh hey Carole" a smile had formed on her face- but it had faded more and more as tears started rising in her eyes throughout the talk until she hung up and gathered us all in the kitchen to tell us that Finn had been hit by a car and there was nothing the doctors could do to save him

"Braaaadon" Suddenly Keagan's voice reached through my thoughts. "Bradon, Braaaadon…" I blinked and shook my head to return to reality. "Bradon are you alright?" I stopped and then suddenly realized I had my hand clenched around the guitar pick in my pocket before I shook my head again and opened my locker.

"I'm fine… hey Keags, can I meet you outside Miss Jonas's classroom later, I think there is half an hour until the next lessons starts and there's something I need to do." Keagan frowned, but nodded and clapped my shoulder slightly before she walked away towards her locker and I turned in the other direction and walked towards the choir room.

Inside the choir room I stopped by the plaque with a photo and a quote of Finn Hudson. "The show must go on… all over the place… or something" I smiled slightly while I pulled out the guitar pick from my pillow and watched it holding it between my thumb and my fingertips in the light from the lamp in the ceiling.

It was only a few weeks after Finn had died- seven days less since his funeral when Carole had showed up on our doorstep with a plastic box with a number of Finn's old guitar picks- and had with thick voice explained that she was going to give them away to some thrift shop but well there she couldn't- they had meant too much to Finn for her to know that they would end up in the hands of someone that didn't mean anything to either her or Finn- and to never know where they ended up.

She said she knew that the whiles where Finn had gotten to teach me how to play guitar had meant a lot to him- and therefore she was giving some of the guitar picks to me- passing around the rest among his other friends.

Some time standing there with a slight smile on my face and the guitar pick in my hand I decided what to do, and without hesitating I walked out of the choir room and with my head held high I walked through the hallway to the bulletin board and grabbed the pencil hanging on the board to put my signature under Lea- Marie Hale's.

"Don't worry Finn" I mumbled to myself when I stepped away from the board. "I'm not going to disappoint you- I promise."

And even though I felt so secure and proud saying it there and then

I prayed to God I wouldn't have to break my promise

**Christie POV **

"So" My aunt Carole exclaimed when we came out of the principal's office on Monday morning after the Friday I arrived in Lima. "Have you got everything?" I nodded but didn't have any intention of searching through all the billions of things I had in my backpack to actually check. "Here." She pulled out a bus- card from her wallet and reached it to me. "Number nine goes straight from up by the school parking lot to the hospital." She explained all the details I needed to get myself to the hospital later. "We'll get you your own bus- card later, you've got both mine and the others' phone numbers- don't hesitate to call if you have to- I mean it." I sighed- and nodded even though I knew perfectly well it would take much- too much before I called any of the Hudson-Hummel- Anderson's up, I guess Carole knew too because she sighed too.

"Come here." She gestured for me to get closer and then laid her hand towards my hair and kissed my forehead. "Just call me if you need anything okay?" I nodded. "I'll be at the hospital and meet you up later. Are you sure you don't want me to stay? You know I could call in to work and…" I gave her a meaning glare. "I know honey… have a good day. See you later and you know that Blaine is here somewhere if you need him." I nodded, Carole backed away after giving me a hug and I walked in the other direction down the hallway, when I turned around and looked after her she had turned around and was walking towards the stairs, I sighed and then turned around to keep on walking again.

"MR. FREDERICKS." I suddenly heard some teacher shout over the usual sounds of a school hallway. "NO SKATING IN THE HALLWAY" I looked up, then barely had the time to react someone coming towards me before I was knocked off my feet by someone falling upon me.

Well this was a great start wasn't it?

"I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry I didn't see you." The boy tried to push himself up- elbowing me in the back on his way and I felt the pain shoot through my back as he had just barely managed to elbow me right where the kidney was. "I'm sorry." After what felt like ages the boy was on his feet- and I could- in front of the eyes of everybody who had gathered around get onto my feet and look around before I stumbled towards a bathroom and into a stall where I sunk down onto the floor pressing my hand towards the area the boy had elbowed while I put the other hand in my mouth not to scream in pain.

I felt tears of pain rising in my eyes but forced them back as I lifted my hand and wiped away them tears that had already escaped from my eyes, trembling with sobs that I forced back until I felt the pain ease slowly, then I stood up and slowly made my way out into and through the hallway again. Holding the map that the principal had given me over the school in search for the right classroom- of course finding the right classroom about fifteen minutes too late.

"Sorry I'm late." I mumbled coming into the classroom, and lowered my head as I felt everybody's eyes on me. The teacher- an old man I'd never met before- duh! Of course. Lowered his and looked at me over his glasses in that way that made me feel tiny- well- even tinier than what I actually was. He looked to me for a few seconds and then opened his mouth to speak.

"It's alright- just don't let it happen again. You must be miss…. Ky… Kee."

"Kye- More."

"Yeah- Christie- you're not on my list but… I heard that you were coming so… you just take that spot by Miss Amato." He pointed with his whole hand and I pulled my backpack off while walking towards the desk by a tall, skinny girl- obviously with the last name Amato before I sat down by her and pulled out a notebook to take notes of what the teacher said.

When the lesson ended I was one of the last ones to come out of the classroom and right away I saw Blaine- and here we go again! "No Blaine, not again. I'm not auditioning for that glee club and I've already told you a thousand times." Blaine started saying something- protesting I assumed. "I know Carole said I can sing- but she's only heard me sing when I was little and she sang twinkle, twinkle little star with me and Finn- I hope that my voice have changed since then." I threw my backpack over one shoulder and tried to walk down the hallway when Blaine caught me.

"I've given up on that for now- but come on- there's something I want to show you- and I'll show you to your classroom afterwards." Blaine laid a hand towards my shoulder and led me down the hallway and down some stairs, then through another corridor where he pushed a door to a room open. I looked around the room, it was empty so I just glared up at Blaine- who pointed.

There was a plaque on the wall, with a picture of Finn, right under reading his name, the year he was born and the year he died and at last "The show must go on… all over the place…. Or something." I shoved my hands in my pockets and then just stood there for a few seconds, hesitating if I was going to ask or not.

"Can I just be alone for a minute?" Blaine nodded and backed out the door while exclaiming that he would be right outside. I just kept on looking right at the photo of Finn- and right into his chocolate- brown eyes.

I knew it hurt Carole and the others to look me in the eyes- I had heard Kurt and Blaine talking about how for just a split second when I looked them in the eyes at the airport had thought that Finn was there- ha! As if I wasn't half a meter taller and about half as big! I knew it hurt Carole because I noticed how she turned away talking to me- or at least looked somewhere else than into my eyes- And I could see how tensed Burt looked every time my eyes met his even though he was trying to hide it.

And I knew it because it hurt me too! Every single time I looked in the mirror I saw them damn eyes- and I saw Finn- and there I saw not only one person that was with pretty big possibility going to die young- but also a fantastic person that would forever be young. I saw Finn- I saw my best friend- I saw so many things in a pair of eyes that belonged to me- but that should still be his.

I saw the one and only person who had ever heard me sing for real, I saw the person who had held me while- already then- the renal was starting to have its symptoms causing my muscles to cramp, my kidneys to hurt and the skin on my arms and legs get so itchy I scratched until I was bleeding, that had just held me then softly humming on I can't fight this feeling or don't stop believing to keep my thoughts away from my hurting and itching body until it had eased. I saw the person that had been the person- the one and only person that I knew I could steal my mum's phone for a little while and call up and he would always answer and always say the things I needed to her with his child- like stupidity- but oh such a wisdom.

And that and oh so much more I saw looking into my own eyes in a freaking mirror

And now looking behind a glass of a frame.

And that was when I decided what to do.

"I don't know what I'm going to do with myself here Finn." I almost whispered. "But whatever it is and however much time I've got left I swear I'm gonna make you proud." I wiped the tears with my sleeve- don't cry Christie, don't cry, don't cry, DON'T CRY!

When I could finally keep control over my feelings again I turned around with a last glance over my shoulder towards the most important person in my life- and that's when I realized that I knew the glee club he had been in had once helped him- so maybe this glee club could help me like it helped him.

Maybe I would have to re- consider the option I had chosen about not auditioning

Yes…. Maybe!

**Jasper POV **

I saw my sister Evie standing by her locker so I walked up and hid a bit behind the door and held the paper- mask we had done in art class in front of my face- Eve had been a bit down this morning I had noticed- so now as just as always I would do my very best to make her laugh. I could see the locker through the holes for eyes in the mask as my sister closed the locker and then turned to me.

"Boo!" I said smiling- even though she couldn't see it behind the mask- and that I didn't scare her. Evie just shook her head silently and walked past me. I felt a frown form in between my eyes and turned to her. "Hey are you okay?" I walked after her down the hall. "Eves? What's going on?" Evie rushed through the hallway and down the stairs into a quite empty hallway with me still after before she turned to me- and even though she had her hands over her mouth I could see and hear her short, shallow breaths.

Panic attack!

"Hey" I laid one arm around her shoulders and pulled her close while I put the other hand towards the back of her head and started stroking her hair and her back. "It's okay Evie." I lowered my chin and slightly touched the top of my older sister's head with my lips. "It's alright. Try to feel my breathing and breathe with me okay?"

I knew for a fact it didn't help my sister to breathe loudly and in that way have her breathing with me in that way. What could help was holding her close and make sure my chest moved as much as possible with every slow, deep breath I took so she could feel them towards her chest and in that way start to breathe with me, while I softly hummed on her favorite songs. It helped also this time and I heard and felt Evie's breaths getting deeper and slower before she stepped away from me and wiped tears from her eyes.

My sister had been suffering from depression since she was fifteen and I was twelve, more than two years had passed since then and I had- as it started quickly learned that I was sometimes the only one that could- and had the time to comfort her- and it had moved on from there with me taking care of her- even though I was two years younger than her- and more than often had to act like the older brother instead of the younger like I actually was.

Loads of people- actually most people would think that I would be the older sibling, I had heard at least a dozen times just this summer when I told people that I was starting Freshman year that I looked more like the age of someone who was starting Freshman year in college than someone who was starting Freshman year in high school. I was head taller than my older sister, had a more- as my aunt and uncle had said- mature look over the whole of me- and then that all with that I was often taking care of Evie like an older brother would be taking care of his younger sister.

But even though she was the older- for me to take care of her when she was sad or afraid or anything- had never been an option- not because anyone had forced or expected of me to do so- but because I wanted to take care of my sister like anyone who cared about her would want to.

"I'm sorry" Evie took a deep, shaky breath while I kept my hand stroking her back. Exhausted by the panic attack and whatever had started it she leaned against my shoulder, still me holding one palm against her back and rubbing circles while she lifted one of her hands and stroke her face, keeping her hand over her eyes for a split second before continuing down towards her chin.

"There's nothing to be sorry for. Do you want to leave and go home?" Evie shook her head and then pushed herself up while I pulled off my sports bag and searched through one of the side pockets. "Here" I handed her the energy drink I was actually going to save for later for after I had tried out for McKinley high school's distance running team- but it didn't matter- Evie needed it now if she was going to make it to lunch without crashing or having another panic attack.

Evie smiled thankfully and took a sip from the sugary drink. "I don't know what started it." She told me without getting the question. "I just… suddenly I just felt so sick and then I just couldn't breathe- thank God it wasn't in the middle of the lesson- again!" I nodded- most teachers had at least a little bit of respect for Evie- or anyone who had problems like depression or panic attacks- but there was one who hadn't.

Evie had just come from her math lesson I knew as a matter of fact, and the math teacher Evie had- Mr. Jacobson was an old- fashioned man who- the only time Evie had dared to tell him about how she was feeling during a panic attack in math class- had gone on and on in front of the whole class about how incredibly weak someone who let themselves get depression or panic- attacks were.

Jerk!

I smiled softly back at Evie and closed the bottle she reached back to me before putting it back in the side pocket of my bag with a quick glance at my watch- it was still fifteen minutes left until the second class of today started and I knew Evie's started at the same time so I took time to walk slowly alongside her, as her body still seemed week and shaky- with my arm around her shoulders through the school's hallways.

"Look at this." I glanced over the bulletin board that hung right by my locker. "Someone is setting up a glee club- there is so far… two people that have signed up to audition. Lea- Marie Hale and Bradon Fredericks-" I thought a split second to search in my mind wondering if I knew who she was. "Nope, no idea who it is… what do you say? Should we help this poor guy who's trying to set up a glee club after what happened to the last one?"

Even I knew about the New Directions

Evie shrugged. "Oh, come on." I nagged. "I like singing and dancing, you like singing and dancing, and we both like playing the piano and playing the guitar. The auditions are tomorrow- we should sign up!" Evie shrugged again. "Come on, maybe it could help you. Spending time with others and doing what you love if you get what I mean?" Evie bit her lip and I could see she was hesitating. "We could at least try and audition."

"Well…" Evie sighed. "Why not?" I smiled and took the pencil she reached me and wrote up our names on the list of people auditioning so now the list read

_Lea- Marie Hale  
Bradon Fredericks  
Jasper and Evie Birch_

"So… I say we audition together!"

**So… what was the right answer to who is in the cover? Actually- Gleekfreak908 answered it correctly- the person on the cover is me! YAY! And then some credit to my mum for shooting the photo… (that actually was the third time we went outside when it was raining to try and get a good photo) so well… it's me. YAY! **

**As well, credit to Joshiferjennoist for helping me to translate what Lea- Marie and her dad says in the beginning- "I wish mum was here" and "My dear" Only in the chapter it's in Italian- so joshiferjennoist translated it. **

**If you review it might take a while before I answer since I'm in Norway and the Internet's acting up all the freaking time. But I will answer as soon as I get the time, please let me know if you liked it, or not. **


	4. Introductions part two

**Hello again… oh no! It's Linneagb…. Again! But I guess you'll have to live with me returning again and again and again for a little while. So here is introductions part two, and if you haven't realized that, the order with the POV's are girl- boy- girl- boy… etc. **

**Belle POV **

In the break between second and third class I finally walked up the stairs to William McKinley High School and pushed the door open. On the way through the hallway I walked into the bathroom and stopped by the mirror checking so the collar on my button- up was fully covering the bruise on the side of my neck. God knows what trouble I would be in if someone noticed it and asked where it came from.

After making sure both that bruise was covered and there was no others on my hands or any other visible part of my body, then- with only five minutes left before the third class would start I fixed my pony- tail and then walked out of the bathroom and down the hallway to my locker, where I stood when my best friend Seth caught up with me.

"Oh, ouch-you're dressed in red… it's not me is it?" I glared up as an only answer- he was right though- even Seth Anderson- Phillips had learned to see how the color of my clothes would reflect my mood- if I was wearing blue I was sad, red- angry, yellow, happy etc. So today- when I was wearing a red button up with a red skirt and red, low converse there was just no doubt for Seth when he saw me what I was feeling.

"And why are you late?" I sighed and glanced to my watch, ten seconds until the bell would ring, nine, eight, seven. "Bells. Why are you late?" Four, three, two, one…

RIIIIIIIIIIIIING

"I'll explain later." I took a glance at the photo I had hanging on the inside of my locker- the one of me and my brother Lenny- me riding piggy- back on him and stretching my neck for me to be seen behind his shoulder with a big, silly smile- before I slammed the door close. Not noticing that my hand never left the side of the lock.

"F*********************************CK" I shouted. Having more than one of the students in the hallway- and there were many- stopping or just turning around to watch me while I held my bleeding hand in the other and jumped up and down swearing while Seth still stood by my locker- and carefully closed it before gently grabbing my arms to hold me still.

I wasn't one to swear much or often- it happened at the most a couple of times a month- and therefore- during these few seconds I said enough words to otherwise last me at least a decade. That freaking lock that I had thrown right so I got that right in my palm- below the thumb- must have been quite sharp because I felt blood completely soaking my other palm holding around it.

"Stop, stop, stop…" Seth held me still. "Here let me see." I pulled away my hand from him and backed a few steps, I could see and hear him sighing but- since he was one class below me he was going in the other direction, I started to carefully search through my bag in search for a tissue that I used as a temporary bandage around my hand.

"Sorry I'm late." I came into the classroom- on the top floor of course about five minutes too late and sat down. When the teacher walked by I could see him glance to my right hand that I held under the desk- thank God I was left handed! But he just kept on walking and didn't say anything about that- or how I every five minutes grabbed a card from the teacher's desk to go out to the bathroom and get new tissues to roll around my hand until it had stopped bleeding.

Well this day had started of great hadn't it?

After third class it was time for lunch, and I was meeting up with Seth- he had only moved here in the beginning of the summer and hadn't made friends with too many yet- we lived next- doors so I had spent parts of my summer days teaching him what there was to do in this town and showing him around.

It wasn't that I didn't like doing it- the total opposite actually. We had grown closer to be best friends and almost inseparable, he knew all my secrets, I knew all his- well- I believed. But still I couldn't help to wish that he would feel a bit more for me- than just a friend- just like I couldn't help to feel for him.

I sighed and gathered my books and things to leave the classroom when another ring from the bell echoed through the hallways and classrooms of McKinley. In the middle of the crowd where some of the boys are pushing and pulling in others' clothes to get out of the classroom, one of them getting pushed stumbles towards me and after stumbling out of the crowd without having a desk, a chair or a person close enough to grab onto I'm a hundred percent sure I was going to fall and closed my eyes and just waited for the bang.

But it never came

Right when I wondered when the bang's coming I felt two strong arms catch me and when I look up I see a pair of two grey, distressed eyes that belonged to Mr. Jacobson. "I'm sorry" I- as quickly as I can pull myself up on my feet and gather my things again, without meeting Mr. Jacobson's eyes again I hurry out of the room- a good bit after the crowd that was leaving just a second ago.

"Ugh" When I opened my locker again I almost hung into it with my whole head in the locker- to hid my grimacing from the others. "I hate today." I said- more to myself than to anyone else- and said it several times again without expecting an answer. "I hate today, I hate today, I hate today, I hate today, I hate today!" I didn't care about how many people were sending me confused glares as if I had gone completely mad and crazy and actually belonged in an asylum.

"Hey." I felt someone clapping my shoulder and pulled my head out of my locker to turn it and see Seth standing there. "What's going on Bella?" I sighed and threw the things into my locker before checking the wound on my hand to save some time. The cut wasn't big- but deep and the area around it had swollen and was shifting in dark blue and purple. "You should probably go to the nurse with that, it might need stitches or taping." I glared back at him- but was kind of relieved he was talking about something else than why I had been late this morning- not quite as relieved when he started pulling me towards the nurse's office.

"So why were you late?" Of course Seth went back to that when we walked out of the nurse's room with the wound taped up and some weird bandage- glove to keep it dry and to keep the tape in its place. And so of course the question I had hoped Seth would have forgotten by now popped up again.

Well… Seth already knew about my dad so I guess it wouldn't do no harm to tell him anyway.

"Well… dad had run out of beer- and he wanted me to go to the store and get some- even though I had already over- slept. And I did… and then they didn't have the kind of beer my dad likes so I just got something- dad was angry- and even though I was already late for school he talked me into going to another store- almost an hour's walking from where I live and get what he wanted." Seth frowned and I could see him glance at the bruises on my neck. "Don't worry Seth, he didn't touch me- he'd never do that- but the road was wet some car sprayed water all over me and there was some stone that flew with the water and hit my neck."

Seth didn't look like he was satisfied with my answer- I hoped that he would be eventually because it was the whole truth. "And then when I came home I was soaking wet from head to toe and angry and cold so I had to shower to get warm and get some new clothes and then I could finally go to school." Seth bit his lip and I glanced over the bulletin board to try and find a possible change of subject.

But as I turned back to Seth he stood with his mouth open and a dreamy look in his eyes that were wide open and staring right in front of him. "Who is that?" He said with a dreamy and slow tone in his voice. I turned my head and looked to where he was looking to see a tall, skinny girl dressed in blue and grey clothes that stood by her locker and tried to make herself invisible to the gang of bullies passing by before she closed her locker and then rushed down the hall towards the cafeteria.

I felt a gust of anger- and even though I didn't want to admit it- hatred towards the girl I didn't know the name of- it didn't take much thinking to understand that Seth was head over heels falling for this- so far nameless girl- after all these days I had spent doing my best to be nice to Seth- dressed up and everything and just doing my best not to show the new anger that was boiling up inside of me.

I saw the girl standing by the bulletin board and the paper about the glee club I had spotted earlier, she took the pencil in her hand and since I didn't notice her letting go of it again I turned to Seth and fizzled. "Maybe you should join the glee club with her to get to know her." Without waiting for an answer I grabbed my bag from my locker and walked out of the school building to get to the gym where we had PE.

Everything had gone so bad today everything that was left now was the sky coming down on me.

Just as I had thought that a lightning broke the heaven in two pieces for a split second before a loud thunder was heard and suddenly it was raining- and it went from all dry to raining as if the skies were coming down in one second- but I didn't move- I just stood there and felt my hair getting so wet it seemed like a black hood lying glued with water towards my brown skin.

"You have got to be kidding me." I mumbled.

I hadn't the time to get to the cafeteria and eat lunch but I didn't feel like eating now, and the sentence that my lips created with the words rising from my throat couldn't have been more correct.

"I hate today"

**Seth POV**

When I and Belle left the nurse's office I more or less pulled out of her what had happened this morning and how she had gotten that bruise on her neck- she gave me a fully believable explanation… hold on… was that a word? Well… I just didn't really know if I'd believe it. I had met Mr. Jolie Sr. a couple of times- he was…. Not polite, not nice, not in control of showing his feelings- or anything else.

And even though Bella kept on telling me he would never physically hurt her- and I did want to believe her so badly.

I just didn't know if I could.

When she gave me the last explanation I didn't really know what to answer so I looked around trying to find one.

And that was when I saw her!

By the bulletin board and with the pencil to sign up for something in her hand stood a tall, skinny girl with blonde, long hair- and boy was she beautiful? Just looking at her made my heart beat in my chest as if it was going to hop out. "Who is that?" I barely knew I was saying it myself- but I needed to know. And I wasn't really aware of anything than the pretty girl by the board and my question until Belle's voice brought me back to reality.

"Maybe you should join the glee club with her to get to know her." Belle fizzled and turned around before she pulled her bag out of her locker and then turned around to rush to the door before she went out of my sight before I had had the time to answer her or even react or understand to what she had said- and boy- even after several seconds I couldn't understand what she seemed so angry about, at last I shrugged.

"Girls!" I sighed and turned towards the girl still standing by the bulletin board and run a hand through my hair with my heart pounding in my chest for more than one reason. "Hej" I walked over to the- very pretty girl standing by the board and introduce myself- without realizing my mistake. "Jag heter Seth…" I held out my hand to shake hers but she only stares up at me as if I would have gone mad- and I didn't realize until then that I had introduced myself right and everything- only in Swedish.

Crap!

"J- jag.." I stuttered, felt my face go red as a tomato in embarrassment. "Ja- jag jag menar." Well… I wasn't making anything better was I? The girl had let go of the pencil hanging on the board without having signed up, turned around and walked away. "Ugh" I hit my head just as a roll of thunder echoed through McKinley high school.

I looked up at the names on the list of people that had signed up to audition for the new glee club, there were three names- no wait! Four- two of them had signed up together- they had to be siblings or something because they had the same last name. I sighed- I liked singing- I liked playing the guitar and playing the piano- I liked dancing too- only during some circumstances I wasn't too fit to dance.

"Oh damn it" I fizzled when I felt my foot scratch. Well… what was it that Christian's said… what would Jesus do? Well… what would Seth Love Anderson- Philips do in a situation where his foot was scratching? What would Seth Love Anderson- Philips do? Scratch it? Well… if there only hadn't been for one tiny little problem!

There wasn't really a foot there to scratch!

I turned around from the bulletin board and walked into the boys' bathroom, locked myself in a stall and then pulled up my leg to make sure no one would be able to bend down and see under the stalls when I pulled the slack of my sweatpants up- over the prosthetic leg that well- reached up to my thigh. I pulled of the straps holding the prosthetic to well… what was left of my real leg and then scratched under it- it helped a little.

"Stupid thing." I whispered to myself pulling it on again and then walked out of the stall with the slack pulled down again, with that, my sock and the shoe no one would be able to see the prosthetic- which was a big part of why me and my adoptive family had moved to Lima from Maine in June- right after I had ended my Freshman year in high school- a year full of- for me- bullying, stomachaches, headaches, nervousity and nausea because I was so nervous about going to school where I knew I would hear one insult after the other, and sometimes physically hurt because of some of the bullies.

Actually it hadn't only been that from after the plane crash that had eventually left me with- as some people said it- "A leg and a half"- I had always been more or less bullied- because I was adopted- for the way I mixed up my mother language with English when I was nervous even though I'd moved to America at such a young age, for being Swedish, for not being into sports, for being a musician etc. etc. etc. It was only that after I turned up in the middle of middle high with two crutches and slow walking because of a prosthetic leg- everything got so much worse.

In fact- now when I always wore slacks the only thing that could tell someone I didn't know to know about the prosthetic leg- was a very, very slight limp. As good as nobody would notice it and when and if someone did and asked- I'd just say that one of my legs was slightly shorter than the other- it was a believable reason and it didn't lead to any further questions so it was for the best.

Thoughts about the life I had had in Aroostook County I sighed and shook my head so I felt my straight, brown hair fly in every direction despite all my earlier attempts to have it lay in the exact right way. I sighed and saw a few tresses of my brown hair falling into my eyes, and then stood up while glancing towards my watch, it was still twenty minutes until my Geography lesson started so I still had a good while to get into the cafeteria, buy something and eat.

But where was Belle?

Another thunder- further away this time was heard and I walked away to the door- with big windows in them- and saw Belle standing out in the middle of the yard and the middle of the pouring rain. She was standing with her back against me, but she was easy to recognize as I pushed the door open and pulled off my hoodie.

"Bella what are you doing?" I hung it over her shoulders and try to lead her inside. "Come on- you're going to catch a cold if you don't get inside and get something new on." Belle had a sad look on her face that weren't actually helped by the fact that she also looked as if her thoughts were somewhere far away- with her hair lying flat towards her head and down towards her shoulders and back.

"Go away" She said- just barely as loud as I could hear it. "Just go and follow that girl wherever- I don't care." I scratched my neck, I didn't have any idea about what she was talking about- well I did- I just didn't really understand the meaning of it. "Here." She pulled my hoodie off and then walked away over the school yard.

I pulled a hand through my hair and bit my lip. Damn it! Why couldn't I just see what I had done wrong? Well… whatever it was… thinking was usually easier without rain pouring over your head already soaking through your clothes-and on top of it all easier without my stomach grumbling with hunger.

"Girls!" I sighed again and turned towards the school building and while I hurried through the rain to get inside. Just as I came inside I felt with my palm over my hair- well at least my hair had finally ended in the position I wanted- even though it would stand in all kinds of directions as soon as it dried.

During the time I sat in a corner of the cafeteria- I had chosen a place not too far from the blonde girl I… well… was falling for…

Falling for!?

My god!

I tried to push the thought that Belle might be falling for me away- to me she had been like… like a sister since we moved here- she was my best friend but to me it was now obvious that she wanted to be something else- something I couldn't be to her.

The thoughts were spinning in my head as I tried once again to push the thought about Belle falling in love with me- but the more I thought about it the more believable it seemed to be and I automatically ate my lunch before- just as automatically getting out of the cafeteria and through hallways and geography, fighting to seem like I always did but with thoughts spinning in my head in that way that make them seem too fast to catch.

At last there were only one possible option for me. I didn't really want Bella to feel like she did for me- it would only hurt her when she would have to face that I didn't feel the same- but I didn't want to lose her as a friend- and whatsoever I decided to just act like I hadn't found out what she felt and just treat her like I had always done.

"Hey!" A bit nervous but trying to sound secure and act like nothing had happened I caught up with her between fourth and fifth class of the day. "I didn't sign up for glee club… yet…" I was going to say more when Belle interrupted, after glaring up at me- oh if glares could have killed!

"Why didn't you? Wasn't it worth doing to come closer to the love of your life?" It wasn't really like Belle to use this tone- against anyone, and I bit my lip thinking about what to say. "Can you just leave me alone okay?" She started turning around but I grabbed her shoulder and pulled her so she stood turned to me again.

"Because you didn't- Belle- I love singing, I love playing guitar and piano- you like dancing and singing- you are so far the only one I know well here in Lima- glee club would be a perfect way for me to make new friends- but Bella I'm not doing it without you! You're my best friend and I'm not going to let you waste the chance of doing what you love for me to do what I love." I silent- well- no one could at least blame me for plan about what I was saying too much.

Belle bit her lip and looked away and then looked up at me. "On one condition!" I nodded and raised an eyebrow at her. "Or two actually, one- You let me help you do what else you love and two-don't you dare give up when things gets hard cause you have a way with giving in too easily." I couldn't help but let hear a short chuckle at what she stated- she was right though.

"Deal!" I held out my hand and then laid my arm around her shoulders and walked over to the bulletin board, then signed up my name right below Jasper and Evie Birch's and then handed the pencil to Belle so she could sign up right below my name. "Well… the director" I read through the paper. "His last name is Anderson… I wonder if he's Swedish!" I smirked back at Belle.

"He doesn't have to be Swedish- it can be an American name too you know!" I nodded, I knew- of course I knew- but it was only that in Sweden- even though it was pronounced differently- Anderson was one of the most common surnames. "Come on then lovey." I moaned at the nickname- it came from my middle name- which had been my first name before I moved to America where it meant something else.

"It's Love" I shouted after her when she backed through the hallway still looking at me. "L-oo- V- eh. And you better learn it before tomorrow 'cause if you don't I'm not promising I'll stay in that club no matter how much you want me to." I turned around to head for my locker, and glanced at the blonde, pretty girl, now standing by the bulletin board yet again

With the pencil in her hand

**Charlotte POV **

Walking through the hallway I stopped by the bulletin board and used a pencil hanging by a paper for signing up for some new club and reached it to the paper for signing up for booking one of the dancing halls for about an hour, or at least a part of it… at least checking so I could be there for a while later today.

I signed up to be in the hall at four in the afternoon- right after history- class- my last class of today would have ended- and right so I would be done for today when Liam's- my step- brother's try- out for the McKinley high school basketball team was over- and we could walk together home. I was not walking on my own- last year- before I was in high school and before Liam's mum Kirsten had married to my dad and Kirsten and Liam had moved in with me, my dad and my older sister.

Well… there had been a few problems- amongst others my sister Frances and her best friend Lucy Everlark had thought it was hilarious to push their way past me and push me into mud puddles whenever there were any- and some of the bullies from here would come from McKinley to the middle school I was in then and then follow me all the way home, throwing their insults everything they wanted, all until I would break down and run the rest of the way home crying.

But it had changed this year- even though it had only been a week of the term I had noticed that whenever I was with Liam no one would throw their insults or their blows or whatever they wanted- and if they did- actually they had done but Liam had made very clear to them that it would only take for him to snap his fingers and he would make the whole school turn against them- and then it stopped.

It still happened when he wasn't around though- but I guess I'd just have to live with it.

I shook my head and returned from my thoughts to let go of the pencil after signing up to dance, but just as I turned around to leave the paper that the pencil was hanging with caught my eye "Glee club" I stopped and read what it said. "Auditions Tuesday September the twelfth. Director Blaine Anderson" I bit my lip hesitating.

I really loved singing and dancing, and a thought that maybe joining the glee club would help me making friends- maybe even find something that could be something more than a friend- find someone why would be worthy my first kiss… I pushed the thought aside- that wasn't like me. I turned to the paper again and was just signing up when a boy with brown hair, green eyes and pale skin came up.

He said something- and he seemed to be talking to me- only it was in some language I couldn't understand. He silent and then he suddenly went red in the face, and started stuttering something- also this something I couldn't understand- I couldn't even recognize what language it was. I bit my lip- people I didn't know coming up to talk to me always made me feel nervous, but as the boy just stuttered something I didn't know what else to do but then to turn around and walk away.

I hurried away from the boy and walked into the cafeteria where I got food, paid for it and then walked over to a table in the corner where I sat down and glanced to a table not far from mine where Liam sat and talked and laughed with his friends. I glanced down at my pasta, grabbed my fork and then looked up and glanced back at Liam- who hadn't seemed to notice me at all.

I looked down at my pasta again- It had been a while since I had more or less stopped eating and danced and jogged several hours a day to lose weight. The training hadn't been too hard to pull down on- I hated jogging and even though I loved dancing I didn't love the way I had pushed myself to dance more and more and do harder and harder steps until I would end up falling and hurting myself- even pull down on the time I was dancing to do other things that papers and pages on the Internet told to be effective to lose weight.

That was the easy part- dealing with the food had been a hundred times harder than that. And still only looking at the huge plate with pasta and cheese made me want to throw up- I looked back at Liam- he was telling some joke to his friend and they laughed so the laughs echoed through the cafeteria while I felt tears burn behind my eyes.

Liam had helped me eat a lot, he'd sit by and say and do what it took for me to eat- no matter how long it took. Jump and make some cheerleading- number if he had to, but mostly just sat there with a hand on my shoulder or back as long as he wasn't eating himself and said what needed to be said to have me eating at least as much as I needed.

I let go of the fork, looked down and wiped the tears from my eyes. I felt so silly crying about something as silly that I simply couldn't eat- but I just couldn't and I couldn't fight them back. "Hey" The next time I looked up was when I heard Liam's voice and him coming to sit down by me. "Are you alright Lottie?" I nodded without looking up- well- I could always try and fool him!

"I just can't…" I almost whispered, Liam placed his tray on the table and reached for an apple on his which he reached to me at the same time that he pulled out a tissue from his bag and reached it to me- well- I guess spending so much time with me had taught him that it would be the best to keep them close- I was always such a wimp crying over nothing and everything.

"Can you eat… this apple, and then a third of that pasta- and we'll start with that okay?" I nodded- at least an apple was better than fatty pasta and cheese, and I carefully took the apple from Liam's hand and took a bite. At the start Liam continued eating his own food, but he finished and then just sat there and held a hand towards my shoulder while I slowly took bites from the pasta with what was left of the apple I had eaten up lying on the table by my tray.

"Okay." I said after eating a third of the pasta. "I think… maybe I should eat more!" Liam nodded slowly. "But I don't… I don't know…" Liam took my chin in his hand and looked straight into my eyes.

"Yes- you should eat more- and yes- you could eat more- come on Lottie- you're stronger than those demons." I nodded and grabbed the fork again, and continued taking one bite after another until I had eaten almost half of what was left. "Finished?" I nodded, Liam clapped my shoulder while I gathered everything to walk out of the cafeteria. "You did great today"

"I need to get to my lesson now, I have Mr. Jacobson- you know what he's like…" I said later. "But… but I was thinking about joining the glee club that someone is putting up." Liam was always great with advice. "So… do you think I should sign up? I almost did it but then… I didn't really know… I mean I just…"

"Stop stuttering and let me answer for Christ's sake!" Liam exclaimed. "You should. You love singing and dancing and… glee club would be perfect for you. Maybe the glee club could help you with your confidence and help you making friends and everything too." Liam ruffled in my hair. "So you should go for it. You should go now- I know Mr. Jacobson." Liam clapped my shoulder and then disappeared down the hallway and around a corner.

I didn't have any time before fourth class, but after that, for the fifth class I would be in the classroom just by the board so when I could see the teacher coming down the hallway I grabbed the pencil, come on- the worst that could happen was that I didn't make it in- and even though I had been told that I was a good singer and dancer I wasn't sure I believed them- I would hate myself for not taking a shot on this.

So I grabbed the pencil but right as I put it towards the paper I hesitated- I wasn't a person that liked the spotlight-in fact I didn't like it at all so as soon as I thought about that with this I would make a commitment for somewhere I would have to be in the spotlight. "COME ON LOTTIE" I heard Liam shout and looked up to see him passing by in a crowd of people. "YOU CAN DO IT" I smiled at my step- brother's kind words and then turned back towards the paper.

And before I had the time to change my mind

I signed up

After all

The worst that could happen would be that I didn't make it in

Right?

**Dakota POV **

I jumped, kicked, danced, threw my arms out and then pulled them arms in again while I danced around in front of Coach Matthews's table in the gym at school, trying out for the cheerleading squad. Ending up with a split and then when the music ended I slowly made my way up on my feet and glanced to the lock at the wall to see how long it was before the sixth and last class of the day started.

"That was really good Mr. Lopez" Coach Matthews said. "I won't say anything yet- but the list of the people making it in will be on the board tomorrow morning." I gave Coach Matthews a nod and then walked to get my bag and head for the locker room. "However- if you're going to be a cheerleader you're going to need another pair of sneakers."

I lowered my head and looked down at my old, ragged sneakers. "Don't worry sir." I stated and lifted my feet to see the sole more or less hanging from the rest of the shoe in a few threads. "I just wanted to give these a nice goodbye." I grabbed my Louis Vitton bag and threw it over my shoulder before jogging towards the locker room.

In the excitement of knowing- or at least thinking that I made my audition pretty good I pushed the door to the locker room open a bit heard, I felt the door hit something- or rather someone- and heard- whoever it was I heard him fall and then moan before I held the door fully opened and could see him.

I recognized the boy as a Junior- but I didn't know his name and had never spoken to him- only seen him a few times the last week of my first week in my freshman year at McKinley and secretly checked him out in the hallway- he was a football player- and he had been hit and pushed over by me pushing the door open and now sat on the floor with his hand under his bleeding nose.

"Oh I am so, so sorry." I reached for a holder with tissues and pulled out a couple of them to reach to the boy who gratefully took them and held one to his nose. "I really, I'm so sorry." I started stuttering some pathetic excuse- oh God! Dakota!

Where on earth was Rocky when I needed him?

I guess I could say that Rocky was kind of my alter- ego- he was the one that I was out around people- he was strong, he didn't give anything about what other people say or did, he didn't care whether what he said was right or not or nice or mean, he just did- and he just said. It wasn't that I had some personality disorder or was schizophrenic or anything- but out among others- I put on a cover- a cover that was so far from the real me I had given that part of me another name- Rocky!

It was just that in some situations- especially if it happened something without me putting Rocky in the front- that I just had some trouble with switching to Rocky if it maybe was for the best- in this situation Rocky would have just shrugged it off and walked away but I couldn't help but to stutter my pathetic excuses and worry that I had seriously hurt this guy- maybe broken his nose.

"HEY" The boy shouted at last and held up a hand to silent me while he used the other to push himself up onto his feet again. "It's alright- don't worry buddy it's already stopped bleeding and it could have happened to anyone. Chill out okay?" I nodded slightly when he threw the tissues in the bin and then washed his hands. "Well" He held out his hand. "I'm Benjamin by the way." I shook it.

"Dakota Lopez" I moved my hand to hold it at the shoulder strap of my bag- trying to avoid to stare Benjamin in the eyes- his eyes- they were just so… so blue! And so… so… beautiful! God! Stop it Dakota you're not falling in love now! This guy is probably straight anyway.

"Well… I suppose I'll see you around. Nice to meet you Dakota Lopez." Benjamin passed me and walked out of the room but I didn't move- I felt my heart beating and I couldn't move an inch for several minutes- before I shook my head, turned towards the locker room and slowly walked inside- but almost forgotten what it was that I was doing.

While I was standing with my hair dripping water over all of my things and a towel around my waist my phone suddenly rang- and only on the ringing tone I knew it was my cousin Santana- well- she always called with a good timing didn't she. "Dakota" I pressed answer and tried to pull on a shirt while talking on the phone.

"Hey Koty"

"Hey Santana. What's up?"

"I was just wondering how your audition went? You told me you were having it today! Koty? Kota? Daaaakota?" I woke up from thinking about Benjamin when she called my name several times in a row. "Dakota are you still there? I can hear you're there- are you alright?"

"Yeah," I shook my head to return to reality. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I think the audition went well actually but I suppose I won't really know until tomorrow though." I sat down and tried to pull on my pants still while talking to Santana. "Listen San… can I call you back I'm kind of in a rush right now I soon have a lesson and…"

"Yeah, no, I just wanted to say one more thing. Dakota- one of my friends from that glee club I was in- he's setting up a new glee club this year- I know you love singing and dancing Kota- how could I not? I really think you should join it!" I stopped in the middle of a movement with pulling a shoe on. Glee club? Me? Come on- Glee club was for nerds and outcasts wasn't it?

Wasn't it?

"I don't know San."

"Kota I mean it- you really should. I know how the glee club can help you- I know it can help you dare to be who you really are if you want to- it helped me when I was at McKinley remember…. Come on Dakota- give it a shot! Give it a month and then quit if you don't like it." I shook my head even though I knew she couldn't see me.

"Nah San- I'm not so sure."

"Come on… Dakota I know you can do this- and I know you want to- because I know you love singing and dancing even though you never told anyone- come on- give it a month." I sighed. She was right- I did love singing and dancing- even though I couldn't understand how she knew because I hadn't dared to tell anyone yet.

"I don't know what dad would say about that…" I tried.

"Oh come on Kota. Don't give a damn about your dad- I know he wants you to get into economics or whatever but this is your life- and what you want to do- and Kota I know you better than anyone else and I'm telling you that giving it a month or two will help you so much more than you could ever imagine!" I sighed- I didn't really have any arguments left.

"I need to go now. But I'm going to think about it okay?" Before Santana had the time to answer I hung up on her and pushed the phone down in my pocket before I grabbed my bag and walked out in the hallway again and across the school yard to get into the main school building. And one of the first thing I spotted while I walked through another hallway and glancing over the bulletin board was the paper for auditioning for the glee club.

I couldn't help but stop- even though I knew I was late for the lesson I stopped and hesitated- maybe Santana was right- maybe this was what I needed! I thought to the baby- blue notebook that laid hidden between a few books in one of my desk drawers at home. It was in that notebook I wrote my poems and my songlyrics.

Santana had told me about how the glee club she was in had helped her and a few of the people she knew to be true to themselves about who they really were- maybe if I joined this glee club- it would like it had done for some of them in New Directions to reach for my dreams- and help me stand up to my dad and do what I really wanted!

My hand was shaking when I put the pencil to the paper and quickly signed my name before I took a step back and glanced over the list of people that had signed up.

_Lea- Marie Hale  
Bradon Fredericks  
Jasper and Evie Birch  
Seth Anderson- Phillips  
Belle Jolie  
Charlotte Amato  
Dakota Lopez _

I pulled out my phone of my pocket and while walking towards the classroom I text messaged Santana. "I signed up. But if this goes wrong I know who I'm going to blame." Then I put the phone down again and jogged the rest of the way to not get to class any later than what I already was.

And in some way I just felt relieved, as if I knew already made I had made the right choice.

**Hello again! And before anyone wonders… yes, it's possible for people with one amputated limb to still have pain and/ or itching from the amputated limb- it's called phantom pains or something like that- it's because… well I guess I don't need to write it here. **

**Oh and well, I have been doing polyvores for the characters (except for Bradon and Keagan and their audition outfits- they're made by LocaXmusicXjellybeanX. And Dakota and his room- they're made by Babygleefan11) but all of the edits for the story is in a collection on my polyvore- link is on my profile. (Also to you who's interested in seeing the audition outfits. I changed Christie's- yes for a reason, so if you checked it out earlier you might want to check it again) **


	5. Introductions part three

**Hello, my friend LocalXmusicXjellybeanX is making a Tumblr page for this. It's really great so I suggest you check it out, link is on the top of my profile. Oh and speaking about LXMXJBX… she's got this awesome glee- fanfiction that… well… that I think you should all go and read and review- it's called A year later.**

**This chapter holds something about serious matters, and I just wanted to say that whatever I've written about it and no matter how weird it might seem I would never- ever try to in any way dishonor anyone. Neither am I trying to make anyone believe that hurting yourself- or anyone else in that way is the right thing to do, because I don't think hurting is alright- no matter how you do it or to who- so if I make it seem weird or dishonoring or anything then tell me and I will try to do it better. **

**Esme POV **

I walked through the hallway towards my locker, and put my English- class books into my locker and pulled out my French books. My mum was the French teacher and she had told me to take good care of them books- or at least better care than what I did with most of my other school books-and I would do as she was told- therefore my French books laid on the highest shelf and I had to reach up and stand on the tip of my toes to reach it.

Except for my French books not so much more laid on the top shelf in the locker. It was those and a copy of the fault in our stars (I also had a copy in my bag that I always carried around, and one copy at home) and furthest away from the opening, down in a corner laid an army Swiss knife. I also had pencils and erasers there and in searching for a certain pencil I felt my hand clench around the cold metal of the closed knife.

I let go of the knife fast as if I had been holding on a piece of burning coal, there was a sound from metal hitting metal on the shelf and I pulled my hand back. I couldn't- I had come too far- I didn't want to- I didn't feel like…

I watched around me, everyone seemed to mind their own business and I nervously pulled the sleeves of my shirt over my hands, I had already covered the scars on my wrists, but I couldn't help to pull the sleeves further down, being at a crowded place like this always kind of made me feel like everybody saw what I had done.

It was in the beginning of my freshman year- almost exactly one year ago. I had been bullied through all of elementary school and all of junior high, and it just hurt too much. To make the inner pain easier to bear I just made sure it would be easier- maybe with hurting my skin it would take away the thoughts that was breaking my inner down, just maybe…

It had started off as this thing I would do once, maybe once or twice. Just until things got better, but things didn't get better. The bullying continued, I knew I couldn't be good enough for my dad. I knew I was constantly compared to my older twin sister who was a lot tougher in school and no one would say as much as a bad word about in fear of getting in trouble. And that our older sister Keira was better than both me and Katrina and on top of it all our dad always wished he had had a son.

But then I met Alexander Fredericks. Alex was rumored to be a bad boy and a bully. But what could I do? I was only head over heels falling for him and couldn't catch up. Alex made me feel like I meant something, like I was good enough just being me. He made me feel loved!

People had told me that Alex was cheating on me with Katrina, but I didn't want to believe them. Then this summer, just a couple of weeks after the summer holidays started. At a party- I had walked in on seeing him with another girl- and not just any girl. But my best friend Sharon.

I had run out of the room before any of them had noticed me being there, run straight out of the house and out on the street. Kicked my high heels off in some bush and never seen them again as I ran straight home, and since then I hadn't spoken to either off them more than enough to break up with the both of them and let them know that I had seen them.

It had been almost two months since then, one and a half more likely. I and Sharon were neighbors, we had always been talking, playing every day when she first moved here, then just talking, about boys, about school, about everything and just hanging around as we got older- we just hang out- every single day!

Now we hadn't spoken for a month and a half.

I kind of wanted to forgive her

I just didn't know if I could

That night I had cut worse than every

Dad had come into the bathroom, found me and got me to a hospital. I didn't want to be in a hospital for months and months, but we had compromised and at last it had been decided that I would never be home alone, that I would tell someone- anyone whether it was him or mum- if I wanted to cut or anything again- and they had sent me to a shrink.

I put my French books in my bag and slowly reached my hand up again and grabbed the knife. My hand was shaking but I didn't move it from over the top shelf, maybe to move on I would at least be able to hold onto the knife- or any other knife without feeling the urge to cut or freak out. One second, two, three.

After ten seconds I couldn't do it anymore. I dropped the knife with another bang, once again there was a bang when metal hit metal. I threw the locker closed and ran up the stairs towards my French classroom. I knew my mum used to sit in the classroom for a while before her lessons started and so she would do today, the run to her classroom felt miles long before I ripped the door open and finally could see my mum sitting by the teacher's desk and she looked up when I came into the room.

"Mum." I whimpered, mum sprang into action and pushed her chair backwards so she could stand up and then hurried over to me. "Mum" My body was trembling and I could not really control I anymore and all I could do was just let mum lead me over to the desk where she gently pressed me down to sit on the desk and then sat by me holding me close to her shoulder and stroke my cheek.

"Sch, sch, sch. It's okay honey."

"It's still in my locker mum." I exclaimed as soon as I could catch my breath much enough for talking again. "Th- that knife and I… I was looking for something and- and I grabbed it and then- then I held it- and I just held it- to see if I could and… and I just don't know." I shut my eyes closed and tried to pull myself together. "I didn't do anything- I didn't even feel the urge to I just.. I leaned forward and rested my head in my hand. "I don't even know."

"Did you count how long you held onto it?" I nodded, and told her ten seconds. "See? That's good. It's the first time you have found it since the last time right?" I nodded. "So… ten seconds and not an urge to have to do it is great… even though… this happened. Maybe then next time, you'll do five if that is how long you can do without it feeling hard, then ten, then twenty and so on. Honey- this isn't going to be easy but you have come such a long way and you can come all the way."

I nodded, then the door opened and I quickly straightened up and with my back against the door I dried the tears with my sleeve and then turned around- of course I had forgotten the pen and eraser so I had to go downstairs to my locker and get it. Inside had come a boy named Hayley Graham. He peered to me with his hazel eyes that made me feel all weak in the knees- no- no, no. I was not falling in love again- and before I had the time to think more about him like that I rushed out of the room and down the stairs.

When I walked past I glanced over the board to see if there was anything that could lead my thoughts away from my knife, freaking out and Hayley Graham- earlier today I had heard rumors about that someone was putting up a new glee club. I wasn't sure about what I should think- after what had happened to the last one they should be absolutely crazy for putting a new one up.

But I found something at the board, a paper about auditions for a new glee club. I hesitated while I went to get my pencil and eraser. Maybe- after all- I had heard about a girl who made it all the way to Broadway after the glee club here at McKinley- Broadway was my dream and maybe… maybe it would be a good match with my drama club that I had both.

And I loved singing and dancing… but with joining the glee club I could just as well start the bullying all over again… God why did everything have to be so hard all the time? At last I decided to go for my own dreams- I dreamt about singing and dancing- and that weighed more than the thought about bullying- after all- I could probably take it this time- I was more secure wasn't I?

Wasn't I?

I walked up the stairs again and to the classroom. Well in the classroom I sat down in front of Hayley and forced myself not to look at him. I couldn't be falling in love again, I wasn't ready so I wasn't.

I wasn't!

His nerdy glasses and curly brown hair were just so adorable.

**Keagan POV **

I sighed sitting at the last lesson of the day, the clock seemed to go in the speed of a slug and the lesson just never seemed to end- twenty minutes left… I riffled through my Spanish- questions and fixed what needed to be fixed- again! Fifteen minutes left…. Ten… Five, four three, two, one...

RIIIIIIIIIIIING

I was the first one to have gathered all of my things, handed the paper in and was out of the classroom. I hurried down the stairs and out in the hallway and had just started hurry towards him- I was just stupid enough not to keep an eye on what was happening and before I knew it and had the time to react I was on my knees on the floor after getting shoved into a locker and gasping for air after the hit in my chest of an open locker.

"Get away wannabe- boy! We don't want you here" I heard some bully, but didn't had the time to check who it was before he was gone and I had to concentrate on breathing to get a hang of it once again- I always heard that breathing was a quite important function of the body!

"Are you okay?" Bradon kneeled by me and laid his hand on my shoulder just as I started getting myself up on my feet and gathered the things I had dropped before I made my way back towards my locker, reassuring Bradon about the fact that I really was fine and no damage had been done now that I had gotten my breathing back again.

I put my things in my locker and walked halfway to the parking lot when I realized I had forgot something in my locker. "You just keep on walking Bradon." I told him. "I'll catch up with you later." I jogged back to my locker and got my Spanish books while I glanced over the bulletin board nearby and remembered the flyer about the new glee club we had seen earlier.

Out of no more than curiosity I eyed through the list of people signing up- and spotted Bradon's name on it- wow- did he really think he would be able to sign up for something like that and not tell me and just assume that I wasn't going to find out? Well- it only a took me a few seconds to figure something out that made a smirk form on my lips as I came up with a plan…

I grabbed a pencil from my bag and signed up my name, I had several different things that talked for me to sign up. One- I loved singing. Two- I loved dancing. Three- While singing and dancing it would be the only place where I could be… me! Not a girl- not a boy- just me, myself and I. Four- it would look good in my application for USC-SCA next year.

And five and the most important- well- one of the most important-

If I didn't tell Bradon that I had signed up- I would barely be able to wait to see the look on his face when he realized I would audition too by the auditions tomorrow. I signed up quickly and then stuffed my books in my bag and threw it back over my shoulders while I jogged down the hallway and to the parking lot where Bradon stood waiting holding onto the steering of my bike.

"Thanks" I took the bike myself and we walked together up the road towards Bradon's house and well- my stables while talking about anything and everything. "Well goodbye then. See you tomorrow." I raised my hand in a wave before I walked up the hill to the stables and left my Bike before I headed to switch my clothes and leave my bag and then walked out in the paddock and spotted my old lady in the other end of the big meadow.

"Alma" I shouted softly and jumped up on the wooden fence while whistling on just the way you are by Bruno Mars. Hearing the tones Alma raised her head from eating and then came trotting over the meadow towards where I sat. "Hello girl." I scratched her on her favorite spot on her forehead while she pushed my pockets with her muffle slightly, probably hoping for an apple- or eight!

"So how is my old lady today huh?" I asked in a soft voice as if Alma could understand English- my North Swedish Horse might have been nineteen years old- but she was still alert and her brown eyes glittered of mischief under the black fringe. "Are you good today? Oh I bet you are!" I jumped down from the fence and then walked over where it could be opened- I didn't need a web lead with Alma- everything I had to do was to walk and she'd follow me with her head hanging over from the back of my shoulder.

"Hi" I greeted Tanisha- a six year old girl that was the daughter to them who owned the stables- and was really fascinated by the fact that I didn't need a web lead with Alma. "Hey Aisha… come here." The black little girl came over and I showed her how she would let Alma keep her muffle towards her collar bone and then walk to make Alma follow her. And I couldn't be mistaken on the huge smile on Tanisha's face while she walked up the hill towards the stables- or the giggles when Alma lifted her muffle towards Tanisha's cheek and blew hot air towards the little girl.

"Alma stop it." Tanisha gently pushed Alma's head away. "It tickles." I couldn't help but smile and then grabbed Alma's mane and walked into the stables where I pulled her halter on and quickly brushed her before I put on a bridle and then walked out in the inside riding hall.

"We take it bareback today okay?" I grabbed the rein with one hand and Alma's mane with the other before I half pulled myself and half jumped up on her warm back. "So now mischief okay?" Well… who was I even trying to fool?"

We had barely gotten one lap around before Alma started taking over, throwing her head to rip the reins out of my hands and started stepping around to have me almost slid to the side and fall off. "Oh no you don't miss." I pulled myself up before I fell off and took a stern grip in the reins to show I was in charge- it was weird how she seemed to forget in between every time I came to the stables who was in charge when I was riding.

I heard the door to the riding hall open and close and stupidly enough turned around to see who it was- and when Alma realized I wasn't concentrating on her anymore she span around and I hadn't had the time to react before I landed in the sand down below. I heard someone shout my name in worry and then running steps- but by the time my dad had reached me I was already on my feet and brushing the sand of my fleece shirt.

"Are you okay?" Dad caught up and put his hand on my shoulder, brushing some sand off in the movement, I nodded. And then bent down and cupped his hands together so I could step in it, get up and swing my other leg over Alma's back. "Well… I was driving by and asking if you wanted a ride home but- well- I suppose there is some work around here that I could be occupied with… you don't want to ride your bike three K through this rain!"

"You know you don't have to do that dad." I stated and took the rein in a stern grip again. "I can get home by myself." Dad smiled and shook his head, then he stated that it wasn't anything- he wanted to and he'd just go ask Mr. Morgan- the owner of the stables if there was something that needed to be done.

When I and my dad moved here with Alma- when I was ten- we hadn't had much money- we didn't know anyone- dad's company wasn't going well and we didn't hear anything from my mum except for a check with child support that came every month or two- a while it almost looked like we would have to save my dear Alma- but then we found the stables at the Morgan's- and when dad had had a talk with Mr. Morgan and they had made a deal that if both I and my dad helped out at the stables when we could- dad helped with the accounting and I with the work around the stables and riding lessons for children- then we could have Alma here for free.

When I was leading Alma into her stall a bit later and was just about to leave with my dad when I saw Tanisha standing there with a distressed look on her face and looking at me. "Keagan" she stated. "How come it's always your dad coming to get you- I've never met your mum!" I stopped in the middle of a movement while closing the door to the stall, stopped for a couple of seconds and then closed the door while I signed to my dad that it would be a little while.

"Come on" I laid my hand on Tanisha's back. "We'll go sit down."

I sat down on a hay ball in a corner between the office and the closest stall and Tanisha looked with a six year old's distressed and intelligent eyes up at me when I tried my best to explain to her why my mum was never here. "You know Tanisha- how your parents had to explain to you how I was a girl but am a boy right?" Tanisha nodded and laid her head to the side, while I just continued explaining.

I had been four years old the first time I "came out" to my parents, and I had been standing in front of them in a pink princess dress and my long hair put in some girly braid- and told them- right out "mummy, daddy, I am a boy" in that straight forward way that small kids can speak about even such things just when they realize some things. Because to me it was clear- I was a boy! It had been clear then, and it was clear now!

Mum had only thought it was weird, laughed about it- and no matter how many times I told her I was a boy she laughed and told me that that was wrong- that was even when I cut all my hair off when I was five- or most of it anyway- and threw all my dresses out the house! Dad wasn't much for talking when mum was close, so he just watched me stating I was a boy for years, and then- when I was six they watched something about transgender children on TV.

And so they started putting together one and one and dad started asking questions about who I was and why I always said that I was a boy. When I could put words on my feelings he just smiled and hugged me, he was loving and supporting and would have been there for me even though if I had so said I was a dinosaur- mum was a whole other story.

Because only a few days after mum and dad had watched that and they started realizing who I really was- mum was gone- and except for a letter she had left on the kitchen table and a check with the child support every few months we hadn't heard anything more from her- I knew she had a family though- and I had two half siblings- two girls- that were girls- and just girls- like mum wanted it to be.

"But that's so sad!" Tanisha pouted. "Your mum is stupid! She should just love you for who you really are." I understood that the last Tanisha said was something that she had heard from somewhere else, but I nodded. "Aren't you and your dad always really sad and thinking about her all the time?" I bit my lip and wondered how to lay it out to her.

"You see Aisha… sometimes when you love a person but that person do things that aren't good for you. Then you might have to let her go, because you would be better off without those things you do than you would be good with the few good things she might do. Do you get what I mean?" Tanisha nodded and reached her arms up and laid them around my neck. Dad came through the stables and showed me that we might want to go now. "I need to go now Aisha. Come here." I reached forward and kissed her hair.

"Keagan?" She asked when I was about to walk away. "Was your name as a girl Keagan or was it something else?" A shiver went through my body and I couldn't help but to flinch as I breathed in to save as much time as possible before I'd have to say that terrible name that had once been mine.

"It was Kaetlen" I said at last. "Kaetlen Rosemarie. Bye Tanisha"

"Bye Keagan"

It was pretty quiet in the car when we had driven away from the stables, I could tell from the look on dad's face that he had heard what I had told Keagan. I knew that dad felt bad for what had happened with my mum. That he thought that he could have done something to keep her with us, that he could have made her stay- but I didn't believe so- and the thought of blaming him had never even crossed my mind- it just seemed absurd.

There was nothing more that needed to be spoken between me and my dad about my mum, and I knew it already haunted my dad day as night so I chose to speak about something else. "Oh yeah, there's a new glee club in school, auditions are tomorrow at lunch and I signed up to do that." Dad nodded. "Do you think I made the right choice? Or do you think I already have enough to do without that?" Dad smiled slightly and ruffled my hair.

"I don't believe you made the right choice- I know you made the right choice. I know you Keags. A glee club would be the perfect after school club for you." I smiled. "I'm so proud of you son. When your mother left I wasn't so sure I would do the right choices to take care of you right. But you've grown to be a very good person. And there is nothing that makes me happier than to know you are happy and I know singing and dancing makes you happy. So you just go for it okay?"

Yeah- I would go for it- and I already knew that it would be the right choice I could have made

Because what could be better than somewhere I knew I could just be myself.

**Sharon POV **

The last class of the day always seemed like it didn't want to end. And the last fifteen minutes I looked to the clock on the wall every five minutes- once a minute! I twisted tresses of my short, red hair around my fingers and tapped with my pencil towards my knee not to have to keep still and in a failed attempt to make the time go a tiny little bit faster.

It didn't work, but slowly but steady the clock started drawing closer to the minute the bell would ring at the end of the day. And even though it felt like the time was moving at about the same pace as the world's slowest turtle it finally reached five o'clock and the bell's ringing echoed through the hallways and there was a rush to get out of the classroom.

I walked slowly, mostly to avoid what just happened when I accidentally walked into my earlier best fiend Esme Montague. "Sorry" I mumbled and kept on walking past her. It wasn't that I got shy facing her- or that I was a shy person at all- but nowadays I just never knew what to say when I faced her. I just didn't know what words to put in to explain my drunken mistake at that party.

Before I turned my back at her I could see Esme's cold glare. I couldn't blame her though. She had made very clear to both me and Alex Fredericks that she had seen us kissing- sitting on Alex' bed on the Fredericks- twins' summer party. I couldn't blame her for being mad at me- but I had been drunk- it was a mistake and there wasn't anything I wanted more than to be friends with her again.

"Hey Shar." My mother's voice brought me back to reality, she came walking down the hallway from the nurse's office. My mum was a nurse and would come to McKinley every once in a while to help the nurse out when there were vaccinations that were done or something else that required help- like the meetings with all of the Freshmen like today.

"Hey mum" I replied and hoped that mum wouldn't hear the callous tone in my voice. She did- and of course asked if I was okay but I just waved it off. "I'm fine mum, I'm just a bit tired." I could sense mum wasn't sure and felt her hand on my forehead. "I'm fine. Just tired." I really didn't want to come up with any other excuses- she would get suspicious and I would have to explain the whole truth from beginning to end- and that was something I didn't want to do until I had the answers myself so I just glanced over the bulletin board to try and find something else to talk about.

"Someone's putting up a new glee club!" I stated when I saw the flyer. "Have got to be crazy don't you think?" When the new directions were discharged my mum had worked full time as the school nurse. She had always been supporting them and she told me everything about what happened to them- even though I wasn't in high school yet I just wanted to join them.

"You should join!" Mum said. "Don't you think?" I shrugged and then shook my head- if I was under the circumstances I thought I was- I would have enough to think about without the glee club and being put as an outcast of all of the outcasts…. "Come on now honey. Sharon you love singing and dancing, the glee club would be perfect for you." I shook my head again but was starting to hesitate. "At least give it a try and audition, if you don't like it then you could just as well quit. But honey I saw how much the New directions helped the students to find themselves and if this glee club is anything like that one…" I stopped and turned towards the bulletin board. "At least give it a try."

It wasn't like my mum to nag and insist on me doing something, so I guessed she had her reasons and that was one of the reasons I walked over to the board, even though I still hesitated and glanced through the list and spotted Esme's name- maybe if we both made it through the auditions and into the glee club then it would be our chance to reunite and… maybe with time be friends again.

I still wasn't sure- but mum was right and it was worth a try so I grabbed the pencil hanging on the board and signed my name on the bottom of the list right under Keagan Spencer's. Well this was a group for the outcasts wasn't it? I let go of the pencil and walked with mum down the hallway to my locker. I reached for a paper lying on the top shelf.

But when I pulled the paper down, a box from the store nearby fell down into the big locker. I quickly pushed it back behind some books and turned to mum, but she hadn't seen it. For a moment I had just forgotten all about it. I had been thinking about it almost non- stop for almost two months, what that kiss sitting on Alex's bed had led to. And not what every symptom had led to since then.

I knew I needed to do this at school, if I brought the pregnancy test home my mum would find it and if- against all odds- it shoved that I wasn't pregnant then I didn't really want to tell mum about all of this, at least not yet. But if I brought it home I'd have to. "Mum- go home without me." I said. "I need to speak to Mrs. Montague about something in French class, and I've got homework so I'll do that here in school and then come home." Mum frowned.

"Are you sure, you seem tired. Maybe you should go home and rest" I sighed- sometimes it was almost annoying how much of a nurse mum actually was.

"I'll be home in just a little while." I said and pretended to look for something on the biggest shelf in my locker. "It's only three questions and I'll only need to ask Mrs. Montague a quick question and then I'll be right home." I could see mum was still hesitating, then she smiled, ruffled in my short, red hair and said goodbye before she walked away down the hallway.

I breathed out and then closed my locker and walked in the other direction, for almost half an hour I just walked around the school, up the stairs, down the stairs, through the hallways. I just couldn't keep still. At last, when the hallways were as good as empty, I opened my locker again, pulled out the pregnancy test and put it under my shirt and rushed to the bathroom.

Waiting was the worst part. Sitting on the toilet lid with the used test in my hand waiting the hours- long fifteen minutes it took for the white stick to get ready to show if I was pregnant or not. And boy those were long fifteen minutes! Longest quarter of an hour of my whole life! As usual I couldn't keep still- or in a normal position so I lifted one foot up and held it towards the door of the stall and started twisting tresses of my hair around the tip of my finger and even though I tried to read what had been scrabbled on the inside of the stall's walls- oh I wondered where that phone number went- I ended up checking the damn stick about three times a second.

I mean- the result on this might change the rest of my life!

And so it finally finished

And there was that damn plus sign

I closed my eyes and opened them again as if it would make what confirmed what I had been scared to death of the whole summer go away. But it stayed, no matter how many times, how hard or how long I blinked. Even when my vision started getting blurry from tears I could still see that plus sign that had changed my life in the blink of an eye.

For a moment I barely even knew what I was doing. I stood up, fumbled with the lock and ran out in the hallway. I threw the stick somewhere I thought there was a garbage can but didn't even mind about checking if it actually ended up in the bin. And then ran out on the street, the rain was pouring down and had soaked through my clothes in no time. The bus home came just as I ran up by the stop, but three stops away from my block I couldn't take it anymore and jumped off it and ran the rest of the way home and straight upstairs and into my room where I put music on loud and walked stressfully back and forth.

"This cannot be it." I mumbled to myself. "This cannot be it. This cannot be it!" I stopped abruptly when my mum suddenly stood there and then backed a few steps. Tell her, not tell her, tell her, not tell her, tell her… God I didn't know what to do- but she would find out sooner or later anyway would she?

"What cannot be it?" Mum crossed her arms over her chest in that way she only need when she was dead serious and wanted to truth. "Honey, what is it?" I kept on breathing heavily with tears running down my cheeks, mum lifted her hand and stroke my cheek. And then she asked again in a softer tone. "Honey, what's going on? You know you can tell me anything and I will still love you- even though you've done something bad!" I nodded, well- I might as well have it said.

"I'm pregnant"

**Daniel POV **

So that was it! The first day of my second week of my senior year in high school was almost over. "Well this is great." I mouthed to myself about the rain pouring outside the windows just as the bell rang and echoed through the hallway. Okay, now the first day of my second week of my last year in high school was over! I gathered my books and papers and walked out of the room in the crowd leaving and walked down the stairs.

I whistled while I walked down the hallway towards my locker, and a paper on the bulletin board caught my eye. "Glee club" I glanced over and read it. Well… I stopped for a split second hesitating a bit. Then I only kept on walking- I could sign up tomorrow morning or take contact with the director later- I needed to go home right now- which was why I would also skip practice in basketball today.

Of course- since it had been sunny in the morning I had been taking my bike to school. I sighed as another lightning bolt lit the school yard up and then as it echoed through McKinley. Well- the options were now- either speed with my bike the whole way home for almost one hour, or take the bike with me on the bus- none of them felt good- but I chose the second- with cycling home I could just as well slip and hurt myself- and I probably wouldn't be home until after my parents had left.

My father- Stephen Vincent- worked for apple- he would travel around in America and sometimes also Europe for months at the time doing things I barely knew what. When I was younger mum would go with him every once in a while for a few days at the time and very seldom leave me. And if they did- they usually left me at grandma's.

But time had passed since then, I had turned eighteen the last New year's day, mum went with dad every time he traveled and they were gone for months at the time, grandma lived in an old people's home and the only person she could recognize was her son- my dad. And I was left home alone for all of the months they were gone.

This time was different though. They'd be gone for longer at the time then they had ever been before, leaving today and not coming home until in the middle of December at the earliest. That was one, two, three months compared to the usual two at the most earlier. You might think it would be fun to have the house to myself all the time, parties every night and doing whatever I wanted.

It just felt so lonely- sure it was kind of fun to be able to play music loud however I wanted, watch the shows I wanted to see on TV without anyone coming and wanting to watch anything else or simply walking around in underwear the whole Saturday because I couldn't mind to dress in casual clothes.

And it wasn't like I hated all of it. I loved getting to play music or watch TV- only I could do that with mum and dad home as well. And with a tragedy within my closest family when I was little I had never liked being alone- and it was not like I could walk around in my boxer's all day. Might not be too nice for the neighbors- I'd just have to do with PJ's or a button up- at least.

And I couldn't cook! I couldn't even make oatmeal in the microwave without messing it up so I'd have to do with what they had for frozen meals in the stores or McDonald's. And even though it was okay- I was getting tired of the taste- less finished meals. And being home alone I was usually bored and longing for hugs after a day or two.

I sighed- well the sooner I left the more time I would have with my parents before they left this time so I threw my things into my locker and grabbed my bag. Jumped on my bike outside the school and cycled to the bus stop to get there as fast as possible, the bus pulling up just as I jumped off my bike and walked onto the bus pulling the bike after me just after a short, brown- haired girl I hadn't met before.

"Can I sit here?" I gestured to the seat between the girl and the mid- way in the bus. She turned her head and gestured to me that it meant whatever to her what I did. And I sat down by her and held my bike in the mid- way holding it steady with both of my hands when the bus started moving.

I didn't know what made me do it but I turned my head and looked at the girl next to me, she was very short, and even though she was wearing too big clothes it was clear that she was also very skinny- and I couldn't help but notice dark spots on the back of her hands and under her ear- hold on- dark spots?

No that couldn't be it! She probably just had eczema or something. That was over- this was just some random girl from my school it wasn't her- and it couldn't be that. Not again. "What?" She asked rudely when she obviously thought I had looked at her for too long and I quickly turned around and looked to the floor.

It couldn't be- It couldn't be- it couldn't be it.

But I just had a weird feeling.

And the feeling when I got off the bus at my stop and noticed the girl still on the bus- she was the only one left except for an old woman- and the only stop after mine was at the hospital parking… was it possible? No that couldn't be it!

I jumped on my bike and cycled as fast as I could through our block. Mum and dad were in the garden, carrying their things from the house to the car just as I cycled over the parking, of course hitting a bump in the road, slipping on the wet pedal and flew over the steering part and fell right into the grass. Ouch!

"Dan…. Dan…" Mum ran up and kneeled by me. "Honey are you okay? Danny can you hear me?" I lifted my head and spit out some grass, ignoring the burning pain from twisting my ankle while I coughed from swallowing dust wrong.

"I- I'm fine m- mum." Dad lifted my bike off me and I could push myself up. I carefully stepped on my hurt foot- yep- it was still carrying me so I led the bike over to the wall and then walked inside with my mum fussing around wiping grass and mud from my shirt and hair. "Stop it mum. I already said I'm fine. I'll go change the shirt." Of course- since it had been raining for hours my polo was covered in mud.

I walked up the stair and unbuttoned the polo- crap! Now I'd have to do laundry the first thing I did being alone- and on top of it all find something else for me to wear tomorrow. How great! I pulled on a hoodie since I could just as well wear something casual for the night and then walked down the stairs, hoping that none of them would notice I was limping.

"You're limping!" Was the first thing dad said when I came outside and lifted up one of mum's bags to go put it in the car. "Did you hurt yourself falling with the bike?" I didn't answer him, hoping that he would just leave it be. "Daniel answer me." He would always worry too much after what happened to my sister.

"I twisted my ankle a bit." I said and then brainstormed to change the subject. "Oh yeah, someone is putting up a new glee club at McKinley. I was thinking about joining- what do you think?" I opened the back door in the car and threw in the bag carefully. "I mean- it's still up to me but I wanted to know what you would think."

"Glee club is a song and dance club is it?" Mum asked and I answered her yes. "Well that would be perfect for you Danny- boy…" I sighed at her silly nickname for me. "And maybe it would help you make some new friends so you won't have to be alone as much?" I chuckled.

"I have enough friends as it is mum." I told her- but the fact was I didn't really believe what I said myself- sure- I was what some people would say the star of the basketball team and through that quite popular- only I was careful with who I let come close enough to be my real friends. For two reasons- the first being I didn't want to befriend the wrong people and the second being that the less friends I had- the less friends I had to lose.

I had lost one of the most important people in my life- couldn't have done anything else then sit by and watch her fade away at a very early age- I had heard people talk about that it would leave its mark. That I might get trust issues- in fear of losing someone else as important later in life. And partly I guess- that is just what happened.

I shook the thoughts about Angelica off. I had been suppressing it for eleven years- I could keep on doing so. Just like my dad did with working all the time trying to forget about the pain after her. But in my own way. I hadn't had a job to run away too so I simply just pressed away all the thoughts about what was then- trying to talk myself into that that part of my life was over- and I didn't need that or even her anymore.

I made another attempt to shake the thoughts of Angelica off and grabbed another bag standing on the porch and brought it to the car. "I'll sign up early tomorrow then." I stated. "Well… I might as well give it a try." The positivity was a part of who I was- just like people said I was polite and hard- working I tried to always go with a positive way like I'd rather try and lose than not try at all.

"So well that's it." Dad put his iPad into the drawer on the side of the car door. "Well… son… you know that if something happens you only need to call, or text nine one one and we'll take the first plane home." I nodded, dad patted my shoulder and then hugged me tightly. "And we'll skype a bit and so… so are you sure it's okay we'll be gone for so long. I could try and fix something if it's not."

"I'll be fine dad." I lifted my hand and pushed the fringe out of my eyes. For some reason I kind of wanted to get through this. Saying goodbye to my mum was always the hardest part and now I wrapped her tightly in my arms while she- who was a good bit shorter than me leaned her head against my shoulder.

"Take care of yourself okay?" I nodded. "Well… things are like they always are- we'll put some money into your account every month for food and other things you need for a living. But it won't be much enough to pay for parties every night" I chuckled. "Call us if it is anything, keep contact. Do your best." I nodded. "I've made some food that are in boxes in the freezer- but it will only last for a week or two." Mum smiled softly with tears in her eyes.

"Mum" I laid my hand on her cheek. "Don't cry."

"I know… it's just sad to think about that you've gotten so big- you're an adult." I smiled. "And Daniel- I mean it- call if you need anything and we'll catch the first plane." I nodded. "And Danny- boy." I nodded. "Take care of yourself honey." She reached up and kissed my cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too mum, you too dad." Dad squeezed my shoulder. "Drive carefully okay." I gave a short nod. "God-I think I'd better go inside now." I looked up to the skies- the raining showed no signs of stopping. "See you on skype." Dad smiled. "Bye." I backed a few steps, but stood in the garden and watched them drive up from the driveway and waved at them as dad turned out of the parking and drove away.

I must have been standing there for good half an hour- I just couldn't bear to move. At last I walked inside and grabbed a cap and a raincoat and started walking around the blocks. The hardest days were always the first- and right before they came back- then being home alone just made me feel so lonely I couldn't bear it so I'd spend several hours walk around the blocks. Sometimes even sit in the waiting room in the hospital- it wasn't the best option- but at least it wasn't empty.

And it was always a relief coming into school on the first morning- and I'd leave early to just not be alone anymore- but even though I'd left early- when I came to school on Tuesday morning- I could see a dark- haired, mid- length man standing and taking the flyer about the glee club down and I ran up to him.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey." I ran up and pulled up a pencil out of my pocket. "I want to sign up too." I smiled and eyed through the list while I signed up to see if there were any names I recognized- some of them I knew by name- but not much more.

_Lea- Marie Hale  
Bradon Fredericks  
Jasper and Evie Birch  
Seth Anderson- Phillips  
Belle Jolie  
Charlotte Amato  
Dakota Lopez  
Esme Montague  
Keagan Spencer  
Sharon Fisher  
Daniel Vincent_

"Thank you" I smiled at the young man and nodded to the other young man, and the man and woman- possibly in their late forties or early fifties standing behind him when I backed and then started to turn when I heard him call out for me.

"Hey… ehrm… Daniel?" I spun around and nodded. "I walked by the auditorium and saw someone play the guitar and heard him sing a few days ago- I believe it was you. But I haven't been able to find the song- I remember- I just still can't believe you're gone 'cause I don't want to believe you're gone. But I've forgotten the rest- what song was it?"

I felt all the color disappear from my face and I must have looked almost ill because a worried expression formed on the woman's expression as soon as I did. No- I couldn't let him know- I hadn't told anyone, I couldn't do it now.

"I have no idea what you're talking about"

**And that's the end of the introductions. Next up is auditions. And I just wanted to say- even though I think all of you know this- most of you anyway- but English is not my first language, neither my second. I am doing my best with the language and I hope and believe I'm doing alright at least. But- I might mix up words, express myself weirdly because I can't find the right one or use parable's that are common where I come from but barely existing where you are- so if you find something that seem weird or wrong or whatever- please write it in a review or a PM and I'll either explain it or I will think about it to the next time. Thank you **


	6. Auditions part one

**Hello again, here I am with a brand new chapter for you all. The introductions are over and now it's time for the auditions- and of course- since I am me- that can't be done without loads of drama. **

**I PUT UP A POLL ABOUT WHICH CHARACTERS OF THIS YOU LIKE THE BEST. BUT FANFICTION HAVE BEEN ACTING UP AGAIN SO YOU MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO SEE IT AND VOTE. EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE BACK AND WORKING AGAIN SO I'D LOVE FOR YOU TO VOTE ON YOUR THREE FAVORITE CHARACTERS **

**Blaine POV **

I hummed to myself on reading the rules for the glee- clubs' competition that had been changed slightly since the new directions. It was quite late on Monday evening, Carole and Christie had just come back from the hospital after Christie's dialysis and we were all sitting around the table with them two eating their late dinner.

"Oh…" I came across a new rule. "Here's a new rule. There needs to be four judges on place by the auditions- I guess it is because if there's only one I would be able to accept a really bad singer only because she or he is my friend or something like that… but the auditions are tomorrow." I looked up and brainstormed.

"I'll come with you." Kurt said- so then we were two and I looked to Burt too- he might not be a musician but he could see through people and see the person behind the mask better than I or Kurt would be able to- and that could be good to have. On the other hand he seldom worked Tuesdays- and if he did he usually worked only afternoon- Burt- however- didn't seem to understand why I was looking at him at first, then it seemed to click.

"Why would you want me to come?" He mostly looked confused, I explained to him what I thought. "Well… I suppose you could be right about that… Kurt don't look at me with those eyes you know I couldn't say no to that." Burt sighed and tried to look away and forget about Kurt's best puppy eyes. "Okay, I'll come."

So that made us three.

Challenge talk Carole Hudson- Hummel into joining us too…

…accepted!

Carole looked up from her food when she must have felt we were all looking at her. "What are you doing?" She seemed to think it was quite creepy with how we were trying to stare her out to have her say yes. "Come on guys what is it?" I explained to her what was going on. "I need to work." Not a working argument- her schedule hung as usual on the fridge and we all knew she wasn't scheduled to go in tomorrow.

"Blaine don't look at me like that." This time it was my turn to pull on the puppy eyes. "That is not fair. Gosh- why am I even trying? Okay, okay. I'll come." So that made us four- which was good because I would not have the time to call to yet one of my old friends and another to find someone who could help.

"Okay." I pulled out a paper. "For some reason we all need to sign this then."

The next day I would work on the forenoon. They had all come with me already early in the morning even though I told them they didn't have to come before lunch time for the auditions. I had decided to take the audition list down already first thing in the morning. So that was the first thing I did, but just as I took it down I heard a voice and a tall, brown- haired boy ran up.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey" he ran up- and I almost immediately recognized him as the boy in the auditorium. "I want to sign up too" I reached him the paper and he held his hand under it while he wrote his name, and not until he had signed up, thanked and started walking away I talked to him, and I read the name on the bottom to get his name.

"Hey… ehrm… Daniel." He span around and nodded to show he was listening. "I walked by the auditorium and saw someone play the guitar and heard him sing a few days ago- I believe it was you. But I haven't been able to find the song- I remember- I just still can't believe you're gone 'cause I don't want to believe you're gone. But I've forgotten the rest- what song was it?"

I hoped that he would give me the answer, I had really tried to find the song because I had really liked it. But I couldn't help but doubt it when I saw the tall boy turn pale as a ghost- he definitely knew what I was talking about. "I have no idea what you're talking about." He span around and hurried down the hall before I had the chance to try and ask him again.

"He knows." Burt said, I nodded- I knew that he knew. But I guessed that with him in the glee club I would find a way to have him tell me what song it was. Now I only shook my head and turned up the hall to walk up to the library.

Kurt, Burt and Carole came with me to the library and I would pass them by every once in a while talking about what would happen later while Kurt sat and riffled through magazines about design and clothes obviously thinking about how we would set up the choir room, Carole sat with some books about medicine and talked with Kurt and Burt sat far away in his own world with car magazines.

I couldn't help but start doubting what I had decided to do. Now when it was so close- maybe this wasn't a good idea after all. After what had happened to the New Directions maybe I should just have thought this through…

"Blaine." Mr. Campbell suddenly came up. "Can you come with me here?" Something in the way he was speaking made shivers go through my body as I followed him behind the desk and into a room with old books. Had I done something wrong? "This shelf-" he followed with his hand. "And this, and this. Are filled with books with notes. In here we keep books that are old and ragged, there are pages falling out a bit here and there, some books missing a few- there's not really much we can do with them but- would you like them in the choir room with the glee club?"

"Yes, yes of course. Thank you Mr. Campbell. Can I take Kurt and them in here and they can help me carry them over?" Mr. Campbell gestured to me that it was fine and I ran out- until I remembered I was in the library and slowed down when I remembered I was in the library- still walking fast towards the tables in the end of the library.

And there just was that something, something in how fast I had answered Mr. Campbell and how happy I had felt when he told me I could have three shelves with books filled with sheet music and lyrics and how excited I felt when I let go off the doubt. It just made me feel sure.

I had made the right decision with putting up a new glee club.

I just knew it

**Sharon POV **

"So are you sure then Shar?" Mum asked when we sat and ate breakfast on Tuesday morning. "You know- after what's going on you know you could stay home for a few days to just, think through things?" I nodded, then shook my head to show I wasn't going to stay at home while I lifted up the piece of toast mum had put in front of me. "Are you sure?" I nodded. "Okay, you've got your cellphone so if you need or want something just call okay?" I nodded again. "Okay honey. Bye then."

Mum left to go to work, but I just stayed by the kitchen table for another hour just staring right out in the air. I tried wondering about what on earth I would be doing now, what would I say to the father- to Alex? And what on earth would I do with myself- and with this baby? I was only fifteen, and if there was something I did know- I was not ready to be a mother!

That and that I in fact was pregnant was about the only things I did know- because everything else was so unclear I couldn't even pull one thought out from everything and think about it. And so, way too late actually- I stood up and cleaned from the table before I grabbed my coat and my bag and slowly walked towards the bus stop.

I didn't really remember what I had done after the pregnancy test had turned out positive. Right then nothing had been clear- and in the chock that followed I hadn't been thinking about what I was doing- but I remembered I had thrown the test towards the trash can in the corner. I didn't know if it had ended up in the can though and I went over there to check so it wasn't just lying on the floor somewhere- for now I'd just have to keep this a secret.

I walked over to the right hallway and passing a corner I walked right into Mr. Alexander Fredericks himself. "Sorry" I mumbled, he only glared at me- ever since what had happened between us two that night- he would act angry and as if having sex was all my idea and all my fault- including him cheating on Esme- so he only kept on walking and I hurried towards the trash can.

I tried searching discreetly on the floor around the trash can- even looking in it- but I couldn't see the test anywhere. So I guessed the janitor had taken the trash and thrown it away some time and then walked away to get to class.

If I had only known how wrong I was

And how much it would mean during the next few months that the janitor didn't have anything to do with it being gone.

**Dakota POV **

"See you Dakota." I raised my hand in a wave goodbye to my friend when he turned around and walked down another hallway while I continued down the main one and towards my locker. Well. That was until something on the floor behind a trash can caught my eye and I couldn't help to stop and look closer.

When I saw what it was I pulled off my bag and searched around in it and found an empty plastic bag that I put over my hand and reached for the small, white item in form of a used pregnancy test. A positive used pregnancy test.

I looked around to check so no one was looking my way and then pulled the bag in and out and over the test, twisted the bag several times around itself before I stuffed it in my bag. I didn't really know why- but I did- and somewhere in all of that I decided that I was going to find out whose this test was.

It might have had to do with the fact that my mum had left as soon as I was out of hospital as a new born-well at least that was what my dad and what my brothers told me. They would all act so weird whenever I had used to ask about why my mum left I didn't know what to believe. But I had promised myself that if I was ever going to have a child myself, or as much as help a girl or a woman with her child. Then I would do anything to help and act like a dad would.

And that was why I decided to figure out whose test this was. I had heard about the boys who became dads in high school and if that dad- whoever he was, was like that. I would do anything to help the mother give the child the best childhood she or he could get.

I walked down to my locker and then checked the list of people that had made it into the cheerleading squad. "Yes" I boxed in the air of happiness when I read my name at the bottom of the list and then jogged away to Coach Matthews's office. He smiled slightly when I knocked the door and turned around and then reached me a box with the robes for cheerleading. "Thank you sir…"

Walking towards my locker to put the box in there I was almost skipping with happiness and didn't really look where I was going- and so I walked right into an open locker- of- freaking- course! "Hey" When I was on the floor with a hand over my bleeding nose. "So we meet again!" I looked up and saw it was Benjamin- the boy that I had opened a door at yesterday- what a coincidence.

"Here." He pulled some tissues out of his locker. "Oh… ouch. Come on, we'll get you to the bathroom, this needs water." I tried bending a bit forward so not too much blood would end up on my shirt while walking towards the bathroom. Benjamin seemed to be used to this, cause he had pushed me down to kneel by one of the sinks and pushed tissues soaked in freezing cold water into my nose before I would have had the time to say nosebleed.

"Wow… that really did bleed a lot." Benjamin washed his hands. "You get nosebleeds easily huh?" I nodded- I used to have them without a reason a least a couple of times a month. "Yeah- my sister's the same. This will make it stop in just a minute." He smiled slightly and scratched his neck just as the bell rang with the first lesson starting.

"You cad go." I told him thickly. "I caddo dis byseff"

"No, no I'll stay." Benjamin smiled, in a way that made me feel week to the knees- even though I was already sitting on my knees on the floor. Oh come on Dakota- you couldn't be falling in love now! But what was it that Rocky just ran away every time I met Benjamin? I zoned away for a bit.

"So… well… if you need one of the older students to teach you a bit about this school." Benjamin pulled out a marker pencil and too my hand. "Call me okay? Or if you would just like to hang out or… whatever!" He wrote his phone number on the inside of my arm and pushed the pen down in his pocket before he raised in a wave and turned in the other direction while I backed away towards my classroom.

Was it possible… was it really possible?

No it probably wasn't- he just wanted to be friends.

But I couldn't help to quite dreamily walk away. And to zone out during the lessons thinking about his blonde tresses and blue eyes.

**Carole POV **

On the time for the audition all the people that had signed up for audition when I, Burt, Blaine and Kurt stood in line on the stage to tell them what was going to happen. "So… two of you have signed up together…" Burt stated. "Jasper and Evie… Birch. Can you stand up for us?" A boy and a girl- perhaps twins stood up to show who they were.

"Yes sir." The boy spoke.

"Do you want to audition together?"

"Yes sir."

"Oh well.. first of all… to all of you… don't "sir" me. I'm Burt. So you're all on first name terms on me, and I know for a fact you're on first name terms on my wife here too." Burt clapped my shoulder. "So no sir me okay?" He glanced over the group of teenagers. "Thank you."

"Can I just ask a question?" The tall, brown- haired boy we had seen earlier today raised his hand. "So you two," He nodded to me and Burt. "Are married, and you're the new glee director?" He nodded to Blaine who nodded. "So who are you?" the boy- I couldn't remember his name, looked to Kurt. "And how are you related? I'm just curious."

"Actually…" Blaine held up his hand to show the ring. "I and Kurt here are married." The boy whistled slightly and nodded. "Burt and Carole are my father and stepmother in law… if there is something called stepmother in law." Blaine smirked, the boy nodded again and leaned back, but I had seen Burt's expression harden and his eyes go dark when the boy whistled.

"Do you have anything against them being married?" His voice was stiff and low- the boy mostly seemed surprise he would have taken it like that.

"No," the boy smiled nervously. "No, no, no. Absolutely not!" Burt's expression softened again but I could tell he was going to keep an extra eye on the boy. "No- it's cool." The boy leaned backwards again. And Blaine looked down at the audition list. I could see the boy up in the audience was nervous, and I decided to talk to him and Burt later and mend a bit if it was needed.

"So… why don't we start with you two- Jasper and Evie Birch… oh and for anyone who wants the guitar is right he…" Blaine pointed to an acoustic guitar in the back of the stage, but hadn't finished before he was interrupted by a girl- possible sixteen to eighteen years old that had been standing up and now glared to Blaine. "Yes?"

"I know for a fact I was the first one to sign up on the list. And that would mean I'm first…"

"Yes?"

"I've made plans with someone else because I knew I was going to go first. If I don't then I'm not going to get there in time." Blaine scratched the back of his head and pushed the fringe out of his eyes- lately he would skip the gel more and more often which caused his dark curls to always fall down in his eyes with how long it was getting- so of course it was back in his eyes after a second.

"I'm sorry… Wait you must be…" he looked to the list. "Lea- Marie Hale. Ehrm… I'm sorry but I've already told…"

"It's fine Sir. We could go last. It's really fine." The boy with the brown curls scratched his neck and mostly seemed to want to keep out of trouble. Blaine kept a hand in the back of his hair and seemed to wonder about how to do.

"I need to be there…" Lea- Marie Hale said in a spoiled tone and pouted. And started saying something else but Blaine interrupted.

"Okay… okay I know… just be quiet for a bit I need to think…" He bit his lip, but Lea- Marie didn't keep silent, and kept on talking in the same spoilt tone as before but more and more annoyed and faster and faster.

"I can't quit my plans because you wouldn't be fair and go in the list's order…."

"OKAY" Blaine was clearly annoyed as well. "You can go first, but you two." He nodded to the Birch's. "You'll go right after." Lea- Marie finally seemed happy and she walked out in the stairs and down towards the stairs to get to the stage while Kurt pulled out four clipboards- yet another one of things he collected- and four pencils and papers out of his bag and handed them out to me, Burt and Blaine before we walked out to right behind where the brown- haired boy and another brown- haired girl sat just as Lea- Marie got ready to sing.

A few minutes ago the only word I would have had to describe Lea- Marie Hale was spoiled. And she sure was spoiled- but as she was standing in the limelight I couldn't help but to notice that with her tall, slim figure, her olive skin and long, wavy brown hair she was also truly beautiful- and as she started singing she was also talented.

And she was really talented. Also with the slight accent- possible European that I couldn't help but notice in her English. And even I- who wasn't one cell of a musician knew that the tones she could hit perfectly were so high I wouldn't be able to ever dream of hitting- even if I would be doing it false.

"I like her shoes…" Kurt leaned closer to me, I could see him laughing slightly when I had to pull my glasses out of my pocket and put them on to see them. Well- I suppose I would have had to do that when I started writing anyway. And then I looked to the feet of the girl down on the stage- I should have been able to see them even without glasses because they were neon green and yellow and cutting off from the other quite neutral colors she was wearing with silver, black and white.

"They're nice." I agreed with Kurt. "And she's sure got some talent."

Lea- Marie finished the song and didn't even make an intention to thank for the chance to audition before she headed up the stairs and walked out of the auditorium. "She's nice." Blaine said ironically. "But she have got talent… I need talent… well I'll need some time to think about that. Ehrm… so now it's your turn. Jasper and Evie Birch."

The brown- haired boy that had been talking earlier now stood up again and reached out his hand. The girl- who had lighter hair than her brother put up in a ponytail, took it and even from this distance I could see he squeezed it slightly and whispered something to her. She smiled and ruffled his hair before they walked down to the stairs.

"Oh they match." Burt stated when we could see their clothes as well. "Oh… I wonder which one of them decided which colors to wear." I lightly hit the back of my husband's head on his- to me only stupid comment about them both wearing clothes matching in the same shade of pink and black "Okay… sorry that was a stupid comment."

"Hello." Jasper said in the microphone while sitting down on the stool we have put on the stage for the ones who were playing guitar while his sister sat down by the piano. "My name is Jasper Birch, I'm fourteen and a Freshman. This is my sister Evie and she's seventeen and a Junior." I raised an eyebrow- to tell from the looks of the others they were probably guessing about twins or Evie being the younger as well.

"We will be doing We are young by fun."

"Can I just ask one question?" Burt held up his hand. "Boy… you've got some serious trouble telling your sister no haven't you?" Jasper laughed and there were a couple of spread laughter among the others as well.

"Is it that obvious?" Jasper asked.

"I suppose it wasn't your idea to wear pink." Jasper laughed again.

"No… but say something I wouldn't do to make her happy! And I like pink too. I suppose we should better get started now." Burt nodded and gestured to him to get started. Jasper himself took a chord on his guitar while Evie laid her hands on the piano keys and then Jasper hit his fingers towards the wood of the guitar to get a rhythm and when everything started Ellie sang the first eight lines and then Jasper took over for a bit.

They might not have been anything that made you stop and stare like Rachel Berry or Mercedes Jones, but they were good singers, and they did it well together. I couldn't see a reason to why Blaine would not accept them into the new glee club I knew as I scrabbled down what I thought on my paper.

"Well done guys." Blaine told them. "We'll be in touch. You can go sit down again or do something else whatever you want." Jasper and Evie went to sit down to witness the rest of the auditions again. Blaine draw a line over Lea- Marie's name. "I'm just doing it to keep an eye on who many are left." He told us and draw aa line over the Birch's. "Kurt you choose the next." He reached the paper to Kurt.

"I don't know who any of these are…"

"Me neither. Just choose one with a name you like or just choose someone." Kurt nodded and closed his eyes and put his finger down on the list, opened his eyes again and saw what name he had his fingertip on. "So just say who it is." Kurt looked up and shouted out the name in the auditorium.

"Keagan Spencer?" Another brown- haired boy, but this one probably with dyed brown hair stood up, put his own glasses on and half ran down the stairs towards the stage. Bradon- who sat only a few chairs away from me looked surprise, and since yesterday I knew him and Keagan were best friends so I could tell that he hadn't known.

"Why didn't you tell me you were auditioning Keags?" He asked. Keagan chuckled softly and pulled a hand through his hair.

"Because you didn't tell me you were. I had to figure out for myself so I thought I'd surprise you Bradon. You're not angry are you?" Bradon shook his head. "Well that's good buddy." Keagan looked up and glanced over Burt, to me, to Kurt and to Blaine. "Well… As you know I'm Keagan Spencer, I'm sixteen and I'm a Junior."

"Is that a Percy Jackson- themed hoodie I see?" Blaine interrupted him- well- youths and their fandoms. Keagan smiled and nodded.

"Yes it is. You a fan?" Blaine nodded. "We'll have to talk a bit about it some time. But well… on with the audition. I will be singing grenade by Bruno Mars. Acapella." He started snapping his fingers into a rhythm and put the microphone to his mouth as he started singing. I wouldn't be able to say Eagan Spencer was not a good singer because he sure was.

Only it was kind of confusing, both when he was talking and singing, and also in his looks. There was some feminine things that definitely should not be there in a sixteen year old boy. I usually wasn't one to notice such things but right now I just couldn't help it. Was it possible? No it probably wasn't! But was it possible that Keagan was a girl? Transgender?

I shook my head- holey moley Carole! You've gone weird on elder days. I shook my head to shake the thoughts off. That really wasn't my business to think about. But I couldn't help but wonder… and I couldn't fully shake the thoughts of while Keagan still stood down on the stage and sang his heart out.

"No pass it to Carole." I heard just after Keagan had finished his audition and I turned my head to see Kurt sitting holding the list of people who had signed up for auditioning back to Blaine. "She can decide the next." I took the paper from Kurt and nodded even though I had already kind of decided who to pick.

"Well, I only know one person here so- Bradon. Why don't you go next?" Bradon nodded and stood up before he walked down on the stage and high- fived Keagan on the way down and then grabbed the guitar- which I knew my son had taught him to play as well as to sing all those years ago- time really flew by didn't it?

"My name is Bradon Fredericks. I'm fifteen and a sophomore. I'll be doing all of the stars by Ed Sheeran." He climbed up on the stool behind him and played a few chords. And if I would have said that he sounded anything like the last time I had heard him sing- I would have lied.

Because the little boy that I had once known had during the years we had barely met at all into the young man who stood before me now. Hitting every note- even I could tell that. In a low, beautiful voice. And it was watching that young man that I just knew what to say- something that would express exactly how good I thought this was.

"Bradon." I started when he was finished. He answered me yes. "I believe… no… I know that… that if Finn would have been here and heard you…" I cleared my throat. "…He would have been proud." The smile on Bradon's face told me enough and he ran up the stairs and more or less crawled over the chairs to hug me.

"Thank you Carole." I clapped the back of his shoulder.

"You're welcome honey." He pushed himself up and went to sit back next to Keagan but still with the same happy smile on his face as I passed the list over to Burt and he went through it mumbling to himself.

"So… the last two- and a half numbers were boys so why not take a girl next… someone with a nice name… Charlotte is a nice name." I couldn't help but to laugh and shake my head at him. "Charlotte Amato?" A tall, but very skinny girl in the front row stood up and nodded. She hurried towards the stairs and then walked down on stage. But she seemed shy, and the skinny- jeans, tank top and short sleeved crop shirt she was wearing only put onto the fact that she looked way too skinny and shy.

"My name is Charlotte Amato." Well. I'd have to admit that with this tiny voice. I didn't have much hope for her singing. "I'm fifteen and a freshman. I will be singing don't cry for me Argentina from the musical Evita." Blaine grimaced quite discreetly and looked to us others- I couldn't help but notice the look on Charlotte's face.

"Blaine!" I scolded. "She saw you." Blaine grimaced again- for another reason again. "It's okay honey." I started. "I'm sure you'll do great. You just start when you're ready yeah?" The freshman nodded nervously. "Hey… honey, take a few deep breaths to start with okay?" She nodded and I could see her breathing slowly. And then she started.

My chin dropped, and so did all of the others' I almost had a feeling she was miming because here was no way that huge voice could fit into that tiny body! Because she was tiny! Probably at least as tall as me but just skin and bones. But I could see she was still nervous even though she was trying to get through it one line after the other. But it showed- and then we could hear it as her voice broke of nervousity.

And then she got more nervous, and it broke again.

And again

And again

And then she stopped singing

**And that's the end… and so, how many of you except for me and LocalXmusicXjellybeanX have done the ALS ice bucket challenge? Well… I did it earlier today and I now nominate all of you to either donate money for ALS, empty a bucket of ice water over your head for awareness or both. You've got twenty four hours, and you should nominate three others, good luck. **

**Playlist  
Lea-Marie- Somewhere- west side story  
Jasper and Evie- We are young- Fun.  
Keagan- Grenade- Bruno Mars  
Bradon- All of the stars- Ed Sheeran  
Charlotte- Don't cry for me Argentina- The musical Evita **


	7. Auditions part two

**The poll about the characters is still open, so if you haven't voted please do so : ) Here's a brand new chapter for you all. The last couple of auditions will be in the next chapter as I decided to make three **audition** chapters instead of two **

**Liam POV **

I had a short talk with Charlotte before she went to audition and tried to talk her into that she really was good enough and that she was great and there was nothing to worry about. I wasn't sure if she believed me though but there wasn't much else I could do as I saw her walk down towards the auditorium and turned towards the cafeteria.

"Liam?" My friend Luke suddenly looked up after a little while and stretched out his neck as if he was looking for something behind me. "Isn't that your sister? It looks like she's looking for you. Or someone else…" I turned around and watched to where Luke was looking- I knew Charlotte was at her glee- club audition right now, and expected it to be Frances- which was the two reasons why I was surprised when I saw Charlotte standing there with tear-stained cheeks and her hand over her mouth.

I quickly stood up and hurried over to her, she had seen me before I caught up but she still didn't move closer to me. "I chocked. " She almost whispered when I was close enough to hear. "I choked on my audition." Charlotte sobbed and then buried her face in her hands. I didn't want half the school to get the pleasure of seeing my little stepsister crying so I carefully took her shoulders in my hands and led her out of the cafeteria.

I had to more or less pull Charlotte with me into an empty hallway and then let her go and took a step to the side so I could look her in the eyes. "Charlotte! You're a great singer and you know it! What happened?" My stepsister breathed fast and sniveled and sobbed so I got she wouldn't be able to answer me for the moment. "Okay come here." I reached my arms around and pulled Charlotte close to me patting the back of her shoulder in the move.

"I don't know… well there were four well… judges or whatever and one of them he was making these weird faces before I started. A-and it wasn't mean or anything but it just made me even more nervous and th- then I sang it wrong and then again… and then I just stopped singing and ran out of the room."

Charlotte looked up at me. She had almost stopped crying but her lip was still shivering and she still had tears in her eyes. I hugged her again and stroke her hair. "It's okay" I tried to comfort. "Look! I'll talk to the director. I'm sure he'll give you another shot…" I bit my lip, and thought for a second about whether I should say what I thought about or if it would only make matters worse.

"Look! Lottie, I know that when you go to your mum's grave you… kind of get to think like nowhere else and…. That whatever it is you usually find your answers there… so… when school is done for today then go to the graveyard okay? Maybe it can help this time too, I'll talk to the judges." Charlotte nodded and hang her head when tears started rising again when she thought about her mum.

**Carole POV **

When Burt passed the paper with the names of people that had signed up to audition back to Blaine I had already been down in the stairs trying to catch Charlotte before she ran off the stage. My first intention had been to get down and talk with her, tell her it was okay and that she'd get another chance- maybe the glee club could help her so she wouldn't be as nervous.

But she had ran into the curtains and away through the hallway before I had even gotten into the stairs so I walked back to sit between Burt and his son and waited for Blaine to choose one person with his or her name on the sign up paper. "Oh here's one with a nice last name…" Blaine said and looked up. "Seth Anderson- Philips?"

A pale, brown- haired boy stood up and started making his way out to the stairs. "So…" Blaine continued. "Anderson? You don't have a long lost uncle or something named Simon Anderson because you look a bit like my brother… are you adopted or something because…?" Blaine faked looking really scared, the boy that had gotten down on stage and now reached for the guitar laughed.

"Ehrm…. No… I'm not your long lost brother, or your long lost cousin or even related. It's not very common here I know but… where I come from… where I was born I mean… Anderson is one of the most common last names." Blaine nodded but seemed a bit to speed to stop talking and asked if Seth was absolutely sure, the young boy laughed again and shook his head. "Yes I'm sure."

"Okay well… where do you dome from then? Your English is good so… Great Britain? Australia? Ireland?"

"Sweden" Blaine's chin dropped- I did understand though- Sweden wasn't exactly a country you heard about a lot here- or anywhere. Though maybe- Blaine said he'd gone skiing in Sweden once. "I think you're talking about Switzerland actually. Most people mix them up." Seth scratched his neck and Blaine wondered a bit and then nodded.

"So well… I'd love to talk but… we haven't got too much time so… you just get started." Seth nodded and took a few chords on the guitar before he started. "He's really good!" Blaine whispered to us others. "And this song is perfect for his voice. I need him in the glee club!" Blaine threw himself back towards the back support of the chair and watched the rest of the performance in silence.

"I… love… these… lyrics." Kurt said with long pauses in between every word said. "Damn…. Why didn't I hear this song when I was his age?" Blaine lifted his hand and clapped his husband's shoulder. Kurt slightly leaned his head against Blaine's and then scratched the top of his head for a bit before we all looked down towards the stage and the boy who was just putting the guitar and stool back in their places.

"Good job Seth…" Blaine began. "The list will be up tomorrow morning. But you stand a good chance." Seth nodded and smiled, and then went back to sit down in the audience while Kurt eyed through the list to find a name he liked among them who hadn't auditioned yet.

"Belle… that's nice…. Belle Jolie?" A dark- haired girl that sat right by Seth stood up and turned to us.

"Sir…. It's pronounced like… Zho-lly and not like that." Kurt nodded and tried to say it again. "Yeah that's right. Oh… sorry I'm just going to get to audition." Belle walked past Seth and waited for another girl with, red short hair to stand up so she could walk by her too. "Thank you."

"She…. Is… amazing" Kurt almost whispered when Belle had started singing. "And that song is perfect for her. And she totally knows what she's singing about!" I pushed my glasses higher on the bridge of a nose to see better and I couldn't do else then agree. She really did look like she knew what she was singing about- which such a sad song? Poor thing.

"That's good honey." I said when she started fixing with putting the microphone back in the stand. She nodded, and before any of us had the chance to say anything else turned around and walked into the curtains and out of our sight. Kurt passed the paper with the list to me and I eyed through it. "Sharon Fischer?"

**Sharon POV **

So everything that had happened since yesterday afternoon was actually mostly a blur. I knew what had happened, only it felt so unreal. Like this wasn't supposed to be happening to me, like I had been watching it from outside- it just couldn't be real!

But at the same time I knew and could remember everything that had happened, I could remember my mum first stopping in the middle of a breathe when I told her what was so unbelievable, I could remember her standing absolutely still for a few seconds. Scaring me that she would get angry and throw me out of the house.

But I also remembered how she had wrapped her arms around me, held me as long as I cried and softly hummed and spoken comforting words. I also remembered how she had let me sleep in her bed sitting on the edge herself all night stroking my hair and humming on the same lullabies she sang to me when I was little for the first time in years.

I knew what had happened only I couldn't really remember how it had happened. It was just all too blurry.

And I knew that somewhere in all of that I had decided that the best song for auditioning probably was best to sing a song that meant something. Maybe if I just chose a song that made it all fit it would help me sing well and then I would make it in. I was an alright singer but there was this song that just seemed to fit perfectly.

That night, at the party. Damn it, Alex had just made it feel like he really loved me. Like he was worthy my feelings and I was worthy his. Now he had barely looked at me for weeks, and if he spoke to me his tone was cold and short and he'd try to get away as fast as possible.

I hadn't been able to tell him yet, I knew I had to- damn it- I had a piece of him in me he needed to know. And he was going to know one way or another and sooner or later. I would just have to find a good way about how to tell him.

And I just knew, that he already was and was going to be even more, of a person who came in. Got what he could get to his pleasure, damaged what he could damage in the way without caring about it and then left no matter what happened afterwards.

And that was why this song just seemed to fit so well.

The judges and no one else had to know why I seemed to know what I was singing about. Not yet anyway. And as I sang through the song just knowing that I hit everything- even the lowest and the highest tones right. It just felt perfect- maybe not everything around it- but the song- and my voice with the song.

"That's really good." The man named Dwayne or whatever said afterwards. "Well I guess you know by now… the list will be up tomorrow morning. You're free to go or do whatever you want." I nodded and stepped out in the stairs, walking up the stairs originally on my way to just sit back down in the audience.

"Esme Montague" The man in the baseball cap shout out and without thinking about it I stopped in the middle of the stairs as my former best friend walked out in the stairs and came down towards me. And just as she came out in the stairs her eyes met mine and her eyes were just as cold as they ever wore these days.

I continued walking, looking to the floor mostly, which I obviously shouldn't have done, because just as I and Esme met in the stairs she pretended to stumble- I should have kept an eye on her- I knew she was vindictive, and so in a move of pretending to find her balance she stuck her foot out and caused me to fall hard towards the stairs.

"Oh sorry I didn't mean to." Esme pretended to apologize as I pushed myself up, but didn't move much more- except for telling the judges that I was okay- until Esme's song started playing and I straight away recognized the song we had- when we were eleven and twelve years old been standing and having a show to our parents with- it just got too much to bear and I jumped onto my feet and ran up the rest of the stairs.

Stroking away tears more and more often I ran to my locker and got out a notebook that I used to scrabble down poems and texts I could think about in. A few weeks ago I had scrabbled down something for a poem I suddenly thought of but never finished it- though maybe I could now when it seemed so perfect.

And barely half an hour later, forgotten was everything about lessons- I looked down at the finished poem

_Despite all of the people that pass by  
Despite all of them who talk to me about things  
That no longer means anything  
I've never felt as lonely as now_

_Despite all the friends  
That always have liked me  
For who I am  
I've never felt as lonely as now_

_All the "It will be alright"'s  
No longer mean anything  
They belonged to another sorrow, of another time  
And I've never felt as lonely as now_

_Despite everyone who assures me  
That they're always going to be there  
Whatever happens  
I've never felt as lonely as now_

_Despite everyone who wonders  
I can't get myself to talk about what's happened  
Is it my own fault  
That I've never felt as lonely as now_

_The conscience is burning  
Because I know  
That it is my own fault  
That I've never felt as lonely as now_

_Never have I ever before needed a shoulder to cry on this much  
Never have I ever needed an "it will be alright"  
But I don't deserve it, because it's my own fault  
That I've never felt as lonely as now._

**Daniel POV **

I noticed the girl- Sharon or whatever her name was run out of the room and couldn't help but feel a frown form in between my eyes- but didn't really waste a second thought to her as I turned my head back to look towards the stage and the girl who had just been sitting two chairs in the audience away from me.

As I turned my head something on the floor caught my eye and I lowered my head to see a book lying right by the denim bag that belonged to the girl on the stage- obviously named Esme and I reached down and picked it up. If it stayed on the floor she might just as well miss it so I'd just give it back.

"The fault in our stars" I whispered reading from the cover. "John Green." Well that was an interesting title- I had heard about this book- maybe I could just try and read- just one page. I opened the book and started reading- almost right away getting caught and pulled into the world of Hazel Grace Lancaster.

"HEY" I wasn't pulled back to reality before I heard the shout right over my head. "That's mine." I started looking up from the book- just one other word- but she then ripped it out of my hands. "Have you been sneaking in my bag?" I shook my head as the girl before me lifted her bag up and felt all the pockets and stuttered something pathetic.

I should have just leave it be

"N- No I- it was on the floor I…"

"NO it wasn't! It was in my bag, and to find it you must have been sneaking in it and then closed it again. I probably sat there staring looking mostly like a chimpanzee when one of the judges- the man in the baseball cap who hadn't actually seemed to like me from the start leaned over the start and started putting his mind into the business too.

"What's going on?" Esme told him exactly what she had told me, I kept quiet- and with way too much experience of having people mad at me when I had the tie on I nervously untied it and pulled it off before I pressed it down in my pocket. "Hey… I'll have a little talk with you boy later…" The man's green eyes were stone- hard. "Now… get out."

"I- I…" I stuttered trying to get a chance to explain what had really happened.

"I said get out." The man was under no circumstances taking a no from me at this point I saw, and I stood up angrily for not being given a chance to explain and grabbed my guitar, jumped over one row of chairs and ran out in the stairs and up. How dared they? Without even giving me a freaking chance?

But there were other thoughts too, like was this really my once chance to be a part of something? Was this really my only chance? Was this it? What would it be now?

I left the room just as I heard them call out the name of Dakota Lopez and then the doors closed after me.

**Burt POV **

"You could have given him a chance to explain!" Carole said while Dakota made his way down to the stage. I shook my head- I could tolerate most things without getting angry but if there was one thing- except for hurting my kid that would make me go nuts then it was stealing- and I was under no circumstances tolerating that right under my vision.

"Well… you're the last but you just start." Dakota nodded at Blaine's words and the music- that went through his cellphone and out in the speakers started playing- oh finally someone who had chosen not to do a ballad here- well, I guess catching that boy stealing had just put me in a bad mood.

"I know discussing clothes is mostly up to you two." I looked to my wife and son. "But I've got to admit, I like this boy's clothes." Carole laughed softly and shook her head at me. I looked down at the boy again and eyed over his American- flag- themed outfit with sneakers with one red and white and one blue and white, white pants and some sort of tee with a print of the American flag and at last a dark- blue cap back and forth that I had seen earlier had an American flag on it.

Well- I'd have to admit I was impressed by this boy's sense of fashion!

The boy sang and danced through the whole performance, and no one of us noticed the boy that had come walking down the first set of stairs by our side- well- that was until Dakota was done and he spoke up.

"So Kota. When were you thinking about telling us about this?"

**So, the poem Sharon wrote is called "Never as lonely" I wrote it. The original is in Swedish, I translated it for this and TamJaspie helped me fix it for it to be better in English so credit to her for that. Rules if you want to use it is the same as with "Still can't believe" in the prologue, 1. Ask me first and 2. Give me credit for it. **

**Playlist  
Seth- Invisible- Hunter Hayes  
Belle- Hopelessly devoted to you- From grease  
Sharon- Wrecking ball- Miley Cyrus  
Esme- Finally me- Laura Marano  
Dakota- Break free- Ariana Grande  
**


	8. Auditions part three

**The poll will be open until I put the next chapter up. So if you haven't voted yet, please do so. I will post the finishing… finishing…. Darn it I don't know the word… well I'll post whoever won and how many votes everyone's got in the A/N at the next chapter. **

**Dakota POV **

I couldn't help but smile when the music rang out and I took a step back to go and pull out my phone from the chords leading to the speakers of the auditorium- still with the same silly grin on my face- that quickly faded when my youngest older brother's voice echoed through the auditorium from the stairs.

"So Kota, when were you thinking about telling us about this?" Javier stood in the middle of the chairs, all the way from the stage I could see a frown in between his eyes and he had his arms crossed over his chest in that way that could only mean that he wasn't angry with me- but dead serious and it made shivers go through my spine.

I pulled my phone off and pushed it down into my pocket while quickly grabbing my bag and the box with the cheerleading outfits and hurrying up the stairs while stuttering back and forth in Spanish to Javier what I was doing and some pathetic excuse on that I hadn't really gotten the time to tell my dad, or Javier himself, or any of our four older brother's.

"Dakota" Javier stroke his forehead distressed. "I know that you know that this glee club and…" he looked to the box in my hands. "And the cheerios too will mean a great deal from now on." I nodded. "Everyone are going to find out- and that fast- why would you even try to keep it a secret?" I shrugged and tried to come up with a good answer- it was not like Javier didn't know anyway.

"And you know what dad is going to think about putting so much time on something like this. You know he wants you to get into…"

"I know what dad wants." I said quite rudely. "And I don't care- this is what I want- and if it because of him is going to be just a hobby then let me do what I want. I'll tell him when I start getting into it. Why are you shaking your head Javier?"

"I know you Kota- if you don't tell him tonight then you're going to get yourself into a long net of lies and it's going to get worse and worse until he finds out by himself and then is sad and disappointed that you haven't trusted him with it. You've got until nine P.M. tonight and if you haven't told him yet then I will." I tried to protest but when Javier sighed I knew he wasn't going to give in.

"I'm sorry Dakota, it's for your own best." Javier gave me a look that I knew meant that if I hadn't told our dad by the time he had said he would make reality of his promise. "Look. Dad loves you, that's not going to change, you know that. And even if he may not like this he would never try to keep you from doing it!"

I sighed and looked to my feet as if they were suddenly really interesting. Of course I knew, but I also knew that with something that such a huge impact on my own life, I would never be able to do it without feeling bad about it if dad didn't agree with it. So then I might just as well not do it at all.

**Christie POV **

I leaned my head backwards towards the wall of the bathroom stall where I sat on the floor and tried to breathe as deep as I could. My throat burned and I knew it would take ages for the sour taste in my mouth to fade fully as I waited for the nausea to pass and then stood up and flushed the toilet.

Coming out from the stall I didn't look around, but as I stood by the sink trying to wash my mouth I couldn't help but notice the dark girl standing by the sink in the other end of the bathroom discreetly glancing over at me. "What?" I asked rudely not caring about the fact that it was clear she had been crying.

"Are you alright?" She asked, I just glared at her for an answer- sure I Was fine, I just threw my guts up for fun! "Is there something I could do to help?" I glared at her again. "Do you want some?" She held up a pack of gum. "It might help with the taste…" I threw the piece of paper I had used in the trash and then glared at her once again.

"Look! I don't need help and certainly not from a complete stranger so no. Just shut up already and stay away." I backed and then turned around and pushed the door opened- walking right into a tall and brown- haired boy right outside of the bathroom. "Watch out." I scolded rudely, even though it was I who had walked into him.

"Christie." I heard from the other side of the hallway and turned around to see my aunt Carole hurrying towards me. I shoved my hands in my pockets and tried to act as if I was actually feeling great even though I was still nauseas and on top of it all exhausted and my arms and legs were all itchy.

"I heard what you said to that boy." Carole sighed. "Chris… can't you at least try to be a bit nicer to people?" I looked questioning to her- what would that be good for? "Hey…" Carole suddenly frowned and then felt my forehead but I pulled away. "You've been sick. And don't try and tell me you're fine I can smell it…" I looked away. "…Do you want to go home?" I shrugged, trying to hide the fact that I actually wanted to answer her yes and just go home, crawl up in my bed and sleep.

"Christie…" Carole's voice was softer now. "Just answer me yes or no. If you feel like you need to go home then just say yes- I won't be mad at you." I looked to the side and bit my lip, hoping that my just very slightly nod would be enough for her to see. Even though I didn't really want to make it more. "Okay…" Carole laid her hand on my back. "Do you have something in your locker that you need to get?" I shook my head. "Okay then."

**Burt POV **

Because we had only taken one car to McKinley in the morning it was decided that I would drive Carole and Christie back home to then drive back to McKinley and help the boys set the choir room ready for a glee club to have their rehearsals in there again. Christie sat in the back seat quietly but I could see Carole worriedly glancing back at the small girl in the back that seemed to be half asleep where she sat.

"Okay then." I pulled over at our driveway and glanced at Christie in the rearview mirror. She sat and fumbled with getting the button to the belt opened which was as most others small movements hard because her hands and fingers were so swollen from her disease. "You need some help kiddo?"

"No." Just as I had asked she got the belt off and then fumbled with opening the car door. "Thank you for the ride." She got out and then walked down the driveway without looking back. I sighed- I had only known Christie for a few days but it was already clear- and frustrating how she wouldn't let anyone help her.

When the car door closed after Carole I backed out of the driveway and drove back to McKinley, headed towards the choir room when I heard someone dribbling from inside the gym and couldn't help but to walk over there and check who it was.

Coming inside the hall I couldn't help but recognize the boy from the auditions. Yeah Danny or whatever- the boy who had been in that girl's handbag during the audition stood and dribbled with a basketball and threw it towards the basket, it missed, and flew over his head bumping back. When he turned around to go get it he saw me.

"Oh… it's you!" He said with a callous tone and rushed for a bit to catch up with the basketball. "What do you want?" His tone was cold, if it had been rude it would have been so easy for me just to scold him for it and get angry but he wasn't rude he just sounded like… well I wasn't the best with feelings- stuff but even I could hear that he just sounded…. Like he'd given up.

"The truth!" I answered him, he sighed and threw the ball towards the basket angrily and missing it again. He sighed and walked over to get it and with his back against me and the ball in his hands he talked again.

"The truth? Well do you want what you want to be true or what really is truth?" I answered him the real truth. "I didn't touch that girl's bag. The book was on the floor and I picked it up because I figured it was hers so I was going to give it to her so she didn't miss it and lost it." I had walked closer to the boy and he turned towards me and if he was lying- he was darn good at it.

"I believe you." I told him but his expression were still as cold. "Hey… that you didn't get to audition is my fault. So you just grab that guitar and I'll take you to Kurt and Blaine okay? And if they say yes then you can audition. And… Danny…"

"Daniel."

"Daniel… I'm sorry for this okay. I should have listened to you in the first place." I reached out my hand, Daniel slightly smiled and shook my hand. Daniel sighed and turned away from me holding the basketball under his arm and grabbing the guitar he had laid on the benches beside and following me out of the gym and towards the choir room.

"Hey dad" Kurt greeted me as I walked into the choir room first. "Was Christie alri… oh." Kurt interrupted himself when Blaine stood and blew on a book to blow the dust off- right into Daniel's face. Daniel himself started coughing and sneezing while the sound of that was mixed with Blaine's attempts to apologize.

I explained to Blaine and Kurt what was going on. Blaine asked Daniel yet again about what he had seen and heard in the auditorium. "I told you…" Daniel's expression had gone cold again. "I have no idea what you're talking about. And I'm late for my lesson so do you want me to audition because I'll have to do it now then." Blaine bit his lip distressed, then nodded and gestured for Daniel to start.

The younger boy didn't say another word before he walked into the other end of the room and started playing and singing. I wasn't a musical person, but even I could hear the boy had talent, Blaine still seemed distressed though- probably because Daniel refused to answer his question when it was so clear that he knew what Blaine was talking about- and Kurt just smiled.

"I have to go now." Daniel had pulled up his tie from his jeans pocket and hung it around his neck. "I know, list will be up tomorrow morning. I really need to go now." Daniel took his guitar and his basketball and walked out of the room. But before he walked out I couldn't help but notice that his facial expression and whole body language still held the same expression of someone that had just given up on everything.

I went to help Kurt painting a bookshelf that he'd taken here from some old shelves I had pulled downstairs from the attic and Kurt was painting them all white. "Dad!" He scolded me when I started whistling false. "Stop it! The whole school goes deaf!" I laughed and turned back to the shelf, and then the room was quiet for another while until the door opened and we all turned our heads to look who it was.

"Hello" The girl who had auditioned with her brother earlier came into the choir room and nervously tugged her sleeve as she turned to Blaine. "You're the glee club director right?" Blaine nodded. "Well… I was wondering if I made it because…." She seemed even more nervous. "I was going to ask you to… if I made it then… then I would like to if you… if I could not be in the glee club"

Blaine frowned. "Ellie was it right?"

"Evie"

"Evie… So you auditioned for the glee club but you now don't want to be in it?" Evie nodded. And without anyone asking she started explaining why.

"I have got some… well…. Everyone knows anyway… I've got… depression and… I've been depressed for quite a long time and Jasper he's…. he's always helping me you know and… and he's so excited about this glee club. And I want… I just want this somewhere where he can have when…. Where he doesn't have to worry about me."

"Oh…" Blaine's scratched the back of his head. "Well if that's what you want and you're sure."

"I'm sure. But don't tell him I did this okay?" Blaine smiled and clapped her shoulder.

"If it's what you want. Then I think you're doing the right thing, and I'll make sure he doesn't know but I think you should tell him" Evie nodded and pulled away from Blaine.

"I just thought I'd be the big sister for once."

**Carole POV **

"Hello- o" Blaine's voice echoed through the house a few hours later. "Are you home?" I walked out in the hallway. "Hey, here are the groceries you wanted." I took the bag that Blaine reached me. "Burt and Kurt went to get something, they'll be home in a little while. How's Christie?"

I bit my lip when wondering what to answer. "Well, she's doing… At least she's sleeping." I sighed and scratched my neck. I meant that was good- that Christie was sleeping because she had trouble falling asleep. "I guess she's alright." I sighed again, Blaine frowned and then nodded to behind me, and when I turned around I saw Christie had come up behind me.

"Hey honey. Are you going somewhere?" Christie would usually switch to pyjama pants, fleece shirt and knitted socks- the exact same that I had knitted for her all of those years ago but that still suited her because she was still so tiny! And I knew for a fact she had done so when we came home earlier, now she had changed back into sweatpants, hoodie and was just leaning down to reach for her shoes.

"I'm going to the graveyard." She sat down on the bench and fumbled with the shoelaces. Without asking if she needed it I kneeled and helped her with untying them, pulling them on and then tying them again. "I can do it myself!" She mumbled. "I don't need your help." But she didn't do anything to stop me for once and I decided to just ignore what she said.

"Just hold on a minute, I'll come with you." I said. "Blaine honey, can you take the groceries into the kitchen?" Blaine nodded and took them again while I reached for my jacket. Christie looked a bit angry over me coming with her but she didn't protest and I grabbed my car keys and walked outside before her. It had gone cold faster than usual and I didn't want Christie to walk the whole way to the graveyard in that.

**Christie POV **

"Isn't that the girl who choked on her audition?" When I and Carole were walking through the graveyard I saw a girl sitting on the ground by a grave and I had asked before I had stopped myself knowing that Carole didn't know I had even been in the auditorium then. I nervously looked to Carole but she didn't seem to have noticed as she pulled up her glasses from her pocket and looked towards the girl.

"Yes. I do believe it is. Hold on a minute- honey how did you know who choked on the auditions?" I tried to come up with an excuse. "Well… can you just wait here for a bit? I'll go talk to her!" Carole clapped my shoulder and I waited, not moving from the spot from where she had walked away. The girl looked up when Carole came closer, even from where I stood it was obvious that she was crying, they talked but I couldn't hear what they were saying.

Sitting in the car on the way back I mostly wanted to say "what did I tell you?" I had told Carole earlier that I was going to go on my own to the graveyard- Carole had come with me and I hadn't even gotten to where I was freaking going before she had found someone to help- and Charlotte Amato was now sitting in the back seat behind me as my aunt had seemed to talk her into making another try with auditioning if Carole took her to Blaine.

And I still hadn't been visiting my best friend since I came here!

I didn't even look at Carole stepping out of the car when we came home, and didn't waste my breath on talking to her while walking up the driveway and into the house. Neither did I waste energy on minding about her or what she told Blaine and the others walking into the kitchen while I hurried over the living room floor and just had the time to hear Charlotte starting to sing before I closed the door to my room.

I more or less threw my clothes off after locking the door and letting the blinders down so no one could watch through the window and then changed into pyjama pants, fleece shirts and knitted socks before I walked out of my room and slowly walked down the stairs and then sat down in the middle of the stairs.

**Blaine POV **

I would have to admit- like before I was really impressed by Charlotte Amato's voice. It! Was! Huge! I was pretty impressed by anyone who could sing Beyoncé like this! But how nervous she had gotten during the audition and how nervous she seemed me now worried me. What would happen if she was in the glee club and broke down at Nationals?

I didn't want to think about that. I felt terrible thinking about that and letting that have something to say in it all but I couldn't really help it even though when she had finished singing this time I had come up with something and figured that if I got Charlotte on it then it just might work.

"Charlotte." I pushed myself to the side and showed her to come and sit on the chair next to mine. "I know that you get very nervous and it might be a problem yeah?" Charlotte looked up at me and seemed more scared than ever. "But… you've got a really good voice, and a little birdy whispered in my ear that you're a very good dancer as well… so if you promise me one thing…"

"What?"

"If you promise me that you'll work on getting more secure if you get what I mean. And that you under no circumstances will give up on it… Will you promise me that?" I held out my hand, Charlotte first hesitated and then slowly reached out her hand and reached mine while she nodded. "Welcome to the glee club."

"So goodbye then." I waved Charlotte off a bit later and when the door closed behind her I walked back into the living room and sat down in the sofa on the opposite side of the table from Kurt- Burt and Carole were in the kitchen and Christie sat in the stairs. "So that's eleven members that should make it into the glee club. We need twelve to get to even compete in sectionals. And because we have got one girl less than boys then I guess it would be good if the last one was a girl."

I looked to Christie where she sat in the stairs. Maybe it was worth one other try with trying to make Christie audition for the glee club. I didn't really know why I was so eager to make her audition but I just had a feeling- and I had seen how glee club had helped the outcasts- had helped people to open up and show their true selves- and it was clear that that was something Christie needed.

"So what do you say Christie? Do you want to give it a try?" I had mostly expected to get another no from her side, and was pretty surprised when she hesitated and glanced over to the piano by the wall. "You can play it if you want? Do you want to give it a try?" Christie hesitated again and held up a hand to silent me.

"Well… I suppose it's worth a try." The young teenager stood up and walked down the stairs and without looking at me or Kurt she lifted up the lid over the piano keys. As usual the pyjama pants and fleece shirt she was wearing were way too big for her so she had to roll up both slacks and sleeves to be able to reach down to the pedals and place her fingers onto the right keys- her feet just barely reaching down far enough from the stool to be able to push down the pedals.

"It's not like I'm going to be good enough to make it into the glee club anyway" she mumbled, and I don't think it was her intention to say it out loud or for us to hear it but it completely broke my heart. And with the expression on Kurt's face it broke his too. I just… I just wanted to make her believe that she was good enough- that she was always good enough.

Christie didn't say anything else but she seemed to realize that she had said what she had thought out loud and seemed to beat herself up for it. I wanted to say something, something that could just make it all better but didn't have the time to come up with anything before she started playing and I pushed it away to listen to her voice.

And I forgot everything else. "She is good" I mouthed to Kurt. "Really good!" Burt and Carole quite slowly and silently came walking through the door to the kitchen. Carole seemed emotional and as they stopped by the hallway Burt held his arm around her shoulders. Christie played to the ending of the song, and suddenly it hit me what this song's lyrics must mean to her after everything that had happened.

"Oh Christie!" Carole said shakily when Christie had let the last tone ring out. "Honey…" Carole walked over to her and tried to stroke her cheek- but whatever it was we had seen with Christie- it was long gone.

"Don't touch." Christie pulled away. "Leave me alone." She jumped off the piano chair and then half ran up the stairs and we heard the door to Finn's old bedroom slam. Carole sighed and sat down on the piano chair and Burt went and sat down by her- talking to her softly in words that I couldn't hear.

"So that's the twelve members we need for the glee club." I said and grabbed a notebook from the table slowly and steadily starting to note the names of the ones that had made the glee club to actually make it readable. It took me a while and some glances over at the audition list and then it was finally made to hang on the bulletin board tomorrow morning.

_Seth Anderson- Phillips  
Keagan Spencer  
Charlotte Amato  
Belle Jolie  
Christie Kyemohr  
Jasper Birch  
Dakota Lopez  
Sharon Fischer  
Bradon Fredericks  
Esme Montague  
Daniel Vincent  
Lea- Marie Hale _

"Lea- Marie Hale was that really spoiled girl right?" I nodded to Kurt's question. "B… if you're going to have her in the glee club then you know that you must learn how to say no to her!" I nodded again. "I know she's got talent… but are you really a hundred percent sure it's a good idea to have her in the glee club?"

"Yep…" I nodded. "…I do not want to deal with that girl's temper if I would not accept her… and she's got a whole lot of talent!" I bit my lip and read through the list. "But oh… oops, maybe I shouldn't have put her name on the bottom of the list?!" I looked up on the others and let hear a short laugh- that went into a whole laughing fit that made my whole body shake and my stomach cramp.

I didn't know what was so funny- But I knew that I probably had never before experienced a laugh being so relieving as it was now as my, Kurt's, Burt's and Carole's laughter echoed loud through the house. _  
_**I have ended up with a writer's block and more or less had to force myself to write to get on with the chapter. It's not very good but so we're done with the auditions. **

**Playlist  
Daniel- Love you like a love song- Selena Gomez- cover by Shane Harper (it's on Youtube and it's how Daniel's audition sound since Shane Harper is his celebrity look- and- sing alike) **  
**Charlotte- Halo- Beyoncé  
Christie- wherever I go- Miley Cyrus feat. Emily Osment from Hannah Montana forever **


	9. You can come to me

**Hello : ) This is Linnéa asking for your attention for the little while, maybe the few minutes it would take for you to read through this message. And she… wait why am I talking about myself in third person? Well, let's start over again.**

**Hello : ) I just wanted to take the opportunity to, tell you how much each and every one of you mean to me. This is kind of random so if you think it's nothing else than nagging for attention you're probably right! Well… onto what I was actually going to say to you.**

**Well, if we have been chatting much the last few months then you might know that right now I am facing some major changes. And I'm not going to lie, I have been feeling… like everything I have done earlier is just going to waste and that this will never go well… but that feeling have started to fade more and more, and right now I can usually shrug and have a feeling that "it will be alright"**

**Last week I got a couple of really good news and well… I know that other people- not least my friends on here have helped me to get so to the point I'm going to be able to do this so to the point that I just feel that things are going to be alright in the end- no matter how! So I just wanted to say thank you.**

**I wanted to thank you for being my friend, or for believing in me- because even if it maybe from time to time was only a "great chapter" a bit here and there or a couple of messages every once in a while or whatever it was- it was too much for me to explain in a simple message with written words.**

**So if you were there for me, and believed in me then thank you. There is no way I could have been where I am today without you. So thank you yet again, you've meant so much more than I could ever say.**

**And if there is something I have gotten wrong and in fact you weren't my friend or didn't believe in me. Then I think that the news I have gotten the past few days will give me the right to say…**

…**in your face! **

**-Linnéa**

**So, if you have kept an eye on the tumblr and the cast list on my profile you'd know that I have decided to have two more people join the glee club. One of them is Benjamin Heedie- Dakota's crush who will probably be joining in the chapter after this. He's my OC. He's portrayed by the Swedish actor Kåre Hedebrant, and then it's Martina Kessler who you will see in this chapter, sent in by Riana Salvatore and portrayed by Hayden Panettiere. **

**Dakota POV **

I sat in the sofa in my room, watching some detective- series I had recently heard about. The language I didn't understand and I had to concentrate to have the time to read the whole text so I didn't hear the door to my room being opened or my dad coming in until I felt his hand on my shoulder and flew about half a meter up in the air.

"Dad" I panted. "God you scared me." Dad let hear a soft chuckle and held up a net bag with oranges from the supermarket and then turned it upside down and let the fruits roll into a bowl that stood in one of the shelves of my bookshelf. "Thank you." I heard someone clear their throat and looked up to see Javier standing in the door sending a meaning glare towards me.

Dad was just on his way out of the room when I spoke. "Dad. Can you come here, there's something I need to speak to you about." Javier looked satisfied. "Can you go Javier?" I said quite rudely. "And close the door?" He nodded and pulled the door closed while Dad came and sat down by me and paused the movie before I had the time to.

"Beck" Dad read the title of the series from the DVD- box. "I don't recognize that language!" He turned the box and read on the back. "Swedish!? Hm! Sorry kid. What was it that you wanted to tell me?" I nervously tugged my shoelaces. "Dakota? Is something wrong?" I usually never felt nervous for talking to him about something.

But the thing was that I really, really wanted to do these things. The cheerios and also I was for sure going to get into the new glee club- would be their loss if I didn't. I just knew that if dad didn't agree with it I knew I wasn't going to be able to look him in the eyes before I had quit both of the clubs, and I just really wanted to do it.

"Not really." I said and pushed myself up and reached for the box with the cheerleading gowns and held it in my lap. "I wasn't going to tell you before I knew that I had made it all but Javier saw me and if I don't tell you he will and you'll have to hear it from me." I scratched the back of my head. "So well, I guess the best thing is to just say it. I auditioned for the cheerleading squad, and for the glee club." I lifted the lid of the box- "And I made the cheerleading squad."

Dad frowned and suddenly looked angry. I was afraid he was angry that I didn't tell him earlier and was going to want me to quit immediately. I was just going to give him a few arguments when he spoke. "So you're telling me that you didn't make it into the glee club? Pfft, their loss?" He suddenly smiled, and when I realized what he had said I drew a relieved breath.

"No. But the auditions were today so I'm going to know tomorrow morning. I think I did pretty well at auditions though so I'm pretty sure I made it. Besides if I didn't make it, it totally is their loss." Dad smiled and peered with his brown eyes. "But I'm not going to do it if you don't want me to. I know that you'd rather want me to get into accounting than music."

"Junior." Dad interrupted. "I'm not stating that what you're saying isn't right because yes, I might have the plan that you will get into accounting or whatever and have a career within that. And I might stick to that. But- I can't keep you from having your hobbies and- when it comes to point the choice is always going to be yours and I will be supporting you no matter what you choose."

I smiled slightly, dad leant back in the sofa and laid his head backwards and loosened his tie. "So what do you say Dakota? Portillo's for dinner?" He looked pleading at me and I couldn't help to let hear a short laugh. "To celebrate that you made the cheerleading squad?" He ruffled my hair and let hear a soft chuckle.

"You're too tired to cook aren't you?" Dad nodded and laughed slightly again. He was a lawyer and the last week he had been working on a case with some men who had kidnapped a number of children. That was all I knew about it but it mentally exhausted dad and most of the nights he came home he didn't have any energy left to stand and read a recipe.

I had a menu from Portillo's lying on my bookshelf so I grabbed it and walked after dad out of my room and then walked around to ask my brother's what they would want. When I came out again dad sat half asleep in front of the TV, so my second oldest brother came to drive and get the food home instead.

"Benny" Just as I and Diego came into the Portillo's restaurant I couldn't help to notice Benjamin standing by the menu hanging on the wall. He didn't see me because he was looking down on a girl with dark- blonde hair standing by him and I stopped while Diego made our orders, with the big family and everyone who wanted food at ours reading from a paper.

"Can I please have both milkshake, French fries and burger?" I couldn't help to hear what the little girl by Benjamin asked him, even though she wasn't talking clear and it made it kind of hard to hear. "Pretty, pretty please?" Benjamin smiled, a smile so bright I couldn't help to notice all the love for this little girl.

"Okay then." He answered and pulled his hands through her hair before he turned towards the desk speaking up their orders just as Diego finished speaking up our orders and I jumped up on the stool by the table closest to the door and waited for it to get done. Benjamin still didn't see me as he walked over to the other end of the small restaurant and lifted up the girl on a stool and was sitting down on one himself when a man's voice echoed through the small restaurant,

"Hey retard." A man- perhaps in his early forties sat right by me and shouted to the young girl. "We don't want you here. Get out!" When he was done the whole restaurant had gone silent. No one said a word, but so Benjamin told the girl to look away and hold her hands over her ears and he stomped over to the man and pressed him up against the wall, shoving his fist into the man's face at least three times during the only sentence he had the time to speak.

"Do not ever…. Speak to my sister like that…. Ever again." Diego and a cashier had managed to pull away a still struggling Benjamin from the man whose lip, nose and eyebrow was bleeding and Benjamin's sister's quiet sobbing and sniveling was heard from the other end of the restaurant while the cashier had kicked both the man and the Heedie's out of the restaurant without their food

I saw through the windows in the door that Benjamin and his sister sat down on the sidewalk a bit away, and then when I heard their orders come I ran over before the cashier had pulled it away and paid for it and then walked outside with it to them, not really having an idea of why I just knew that I had to do it.

"You didn't have to!" Benjamin paid me back after I reached him the bag. "Come on Mady, now thank Dakota for doing this. Thank you Dakota." The younger girl threw her arms around my waste and hugged me without a doubt telling me her thank you's. "Oh… well Dakota, this is my sister as you might have heard in there." Not until now I realized that Mady obviously had Down's syndrome. "Come on Mady, tell him your name."

"Madison May Heedie. Mady for short" Mady gave me a smile from ear to ear just as Diego came out on the sidewalk with our food and I started backing away and noticed that Benjamin started pulling out their food from the bag and placed it on his lap. I looked to Diego- being kind to all of our friends were more his thing.

"Are you going to eat out here?" Diego had asked almost as if he knew what I kind of wanted him to ask. Benjamin didn't answer, but Mady answered Diego yes. "Because… you're a friend of Dakota and so… you could always come with us." Benjamin hesitated. "Oh come on, it will be fun."

I'm not a hundred percent sure how it happened, but somehow Diego- with a bit of help from Mady, had Benjamin agree to coming home with us and we were all on our way to our house and Diego shortly explaining to the others who Benjamin and Mady were while he handed out the food and then we all sat down to eat.

Benjamin was distressed from a while into the dinner when we all sat and talked to each other, he said Mady would usually talk so much everybody's ears were bleeding but now she just silently sat and chewed on her French fries oddly quiet and philosophic, and when Benjamin asked her what it was with her she looked to my dad.

"Mr. Lopez?" My dad looked up from his meal and to Mady who sat there with a deep frown in between her eyes. "Did you just say you're a lawyer?" Dad nodded. "So… if you're a lawyer… can you then tell me if calling me a retard is against the law?" Right by the question the rest of the people in the room went silent. Dad seemed shaken and didn't really know what to answer- to call someone a retard was unethical and mean- but not against the law- but from behind Mady Benjamin was signing to dad to answer her yes.

"Why do you want to know that Madison?" Mady laid her head a bit to the side and seemed thoughtful before she answered.

"Because if it is there are loads of people that break the law."

**Evie POV **

"I'm coming, I'm coming." I laid the hairbrush on the bathroom shelf and grabbed a hairband before pulling my hair into a ponytail and then grabbed the sweater I had hung over the shower- curtain's holder and pulled it over the cover- all shorts I was wearing for today that would probably be one of the last days it was warm enough to wear shorts and then walked out to the kitchen.

Jasper had been out on his and Bertie's morning walk already when I woke up and with already having over- slept- or more likely had to pull myself out of bed as this had turned out to be yet another bad morning. But just as I unlocked and opened the bathroom door Jasper came in through the front door and Bertie- the German shepherd came skipping over to me.

"Hey boy." I kneeled, Bertie came skipping over and as soon as he came over to me he stopped and hesitated about what to do next. Then he seemed to sense that today was a bad day and he put his nose against my shoulder and neck to give the comfort he could. "Thank you boy." Bertie licked my cheek in that careful way he'd only do when he sensed someone wasn't well. I most of all just wanted to stay here for the rest of the day but I and Jasper had to catch the bus or we'd be late.

"Are you okay honey?" Dad patted my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. "Are you going to school?" I nodded towards his shoulder and then remembered that I had left my bag in my room so I had to shake his arm off and then ran up the stairs and into my room. Just as I grabbed my bag, the multi- colored lava lamp in the window caught my eye. Despite not really thinking about it- after all it had been there for as long as I could remember. I couldn't help but starting to remembering something about it from when I was younger.

I had always had this lava lamp, and when I was little and mum worked late at her shop and Jasper had already fallen asleep. Dad had come into my room when I couldn't sleep and since he could never remember the storylines in the usual children's stories he used to come up with his own. And there was one he would always remember- and I would always love to hear.

It was about my feelings and the colors in the lava lamp. When the lava was mostly in the bottom- the green part- I wasn't really neither happy nor sad. In the middle where it was blue, and when the lava was mostly there I would be sad, and then in the top where it was red, when it was there I would be happy.

When my depression started I was fifteen. It was when mine and Jasper's aunt- my dad's sister died. I and Aunt Lisa had always been quite close. We had been out downtown one day and then when she was driving home with me in the backseat some other car hit ours. Lisa was killed instantly- but I came out of it without a scratch.

That's when it all had started- when I started realizing she was gone and then came the questionings about- why her and not me and God it had been scary to get in a car again for the first time after the crash and… it just broke me down, piece by piece until there was barely anything left of the one I had been before.

And I had been sitting with that damned lava lamp for hours and hours at the time and turned it upside down to just have it as much as possible in the red part. Of course I had stopped believing in tales like that years and years ago but I just wanted so badly to believe in it because if it was true and I got it as much as possible into the red part then just maybe I could be happy again.

"EVIE" Obviously I had been so lost in my own thoughts I had stopped in the middle of the stairs and had been standing there for a while. "Are you okay?" I nodded, pushed a tress of my fringe out of my eyes and then pulled the shoulder strap of my bag over my head. "Come on then, we've got to leave now or we're going to miss the bus!"

Jasper was almost jumping where he stood and to do it as fast as possible I decided to take the slip- on- sneakers today and just pulled them on and then ran towards the stop. Just barely making it to the bus stop before the bus driver closed the doors. "Thank you for waiting." I panted and then walked after Jasper and sat down on the seats behind the driver.

"You okay?" Jasper asked when I leaned my head backwards and tried to catch my breath. I nodded, actually- it was running or dancing or- just moving that made me feel better than anything else could. The rush of endorphins and the moving just made me forget about everything for a while. And right now about how Jasper would react when he saw he'd made the glee club and I hadn't.

I hadn't told him that I had told Mr. Anderson not to accept me into the glee club. I just wasn't sure about how I would. But if I didn't, he would probably be angry at Mr. Anderson and if I did he would probably be angry with me. Maybe it would be better with me though, I was family, and he could never be angry with me for long.

"Yes… we…." When Jasper eyed through the list of the glee club he hesitated. "… hold on… I made it but you… why didn't you make it? We auditioned together! And the girl who choked on her audition made it, and that spoiled girl made it so why didn't you make it?... I'mma"

"Jasper."

"I'll go and speak to that teacher…. He needs to" Jasper seemed angry and confused.

"Jasper." I took his hand and spoke his name more loudly and strictly. "Mr. Anderson didn't accept me into the glee club but he did it for a reason…" I bit my lip- here we go! "He didn't because I asked him not to." Jasper started protesting, and I knew I had to tell him the whole truth. "I… you were so excited about this and… I didn't want glee to be yet another place where you just have to care for me and I just want it to be somewhere where you can just be you and have fun without having to worry about me."

Jasper sighed and embraced me. "I'm sorry… look! If you want me to have something then I'll join the dance club or something but…. Not the same club as you okay." He nodded and seemed to understand. "Come on, you've got Mr. Jacobson first so you can't be late. You need to go." He nodded again and turned around. His head and shoulders seemed low when he walked through the hallway.

I turned in the other direction but had barely started walking when something knocked me off my feet and fell upon me. "I am so sorry. I gotta stop skating in the hallw…ay" When the boy who had skated through the hallway, fallen and fell upon me looked at me the world suddenly seemed to be standing still.

I blinked as if it would help me to see him more clear although I was already seeing him more clear than what I had ever seen anyone before. His brown eyes, the brown spiked hair. The birth mark on his arm right below the T- shirt sleeve's edge and the rainbow- colored bracelet reading "equality"

"I'm okay…" I said sheepishly. He seemed to wake up and more or less jumped onto his feet and then held out his hand to help me up. "Thank you… ehrm…." I scratched my neck and then lowered my hands to pull my sweater into the right position again. Trying to come up with something to say.

"Benny?" We both looked up when someone- looking almost exactly like the boy in front of me- only with a cockier look. "Did you run someone over with your skateboard again?" He laughed and then continued walking. The boy who was obviously named Benny- although I had a feeling it was something someone called him against his will. Bit his lip and scratched his neck.

"Don't mind about him, he's my twin brother Alex… I'm Bennett by the way and I… I'm so sorry for this. I have got to stop skating in the hallway, this is the second time in only a couple of days I run someone over… oh sorry, now I'm just babbling. What was your name by the way?"

"Evie" I replied. "It's okay but I… I've got a lesson I gotta go now. I backed a few steps, Bennett was still looking towards me when I turned around and walked down the hallway. But I couldn't get the picture of his eyes out of my head. They were just so beautiful! I knew that…. Oh well… falling in love right now might not be the best of ideas, I had so much to think about already and if he was wearing a rainbow- bracelet he probably was gay anyway.

But how was it that one pair of dark- brown eyes could just make me forget about everything for a little while?

**Bradon POV **

"Ugh." I hit the snooze button on my alarm clock yet another time when the signal rang loud through my room and turned to my side and into the wall just as I heard my mum's steps. Lighter than dad's coming closer to the end of the hallway and carefully open the door. "UGH" I placed my hand onto my forehead when she turned the lamp on. "Mum please, I've got a headache."

"Brady… Ben and Alex already left and I'm just about to go to work. If you get yourself finished now you can go with me. Come on, I'll get some painkillers while you get up okay?" I sighed, then turned around again and moaned once again when I felt mum's hand on my forehead. "You haven't got a temperature. Come on now honey."

I sighed and pushed myself up, the headache pounded behind my forehead but I just had to realize that I had to go to school- after all- today was the day I would know if I made the glee club or not- even though we hadn't really gotten to know when the first meeting would be yet.

"I must have left them in the car." Mum told me about her pills for migraines. "I've brought a water bottle. Come on now" I threw my bag over one shoulder and followed my mother outside, followed by my dad who was also going to work as I and mum went to mum's car and dad over to his. And I could still barely open my eyes.

Afterwards I wasn't exactly sure how it happened, but I knew it did when I felt the pain spread through my forehead and something warm running down my forehead. I wasn't exactly sure what had happened- but with the car door so close and seeing the blood that ran down into my eyes it wasn't hard to guess.

"DARN IT" I pressed my hand against my forehead and moved from the car so I wouldn't hit the car again. "F*ck" I sat down on the ground so I wouldn't have the chance to step wrong and break my foot or something like that. "Mum…" I barely opened my eyes slightly leant forward not to get the blood on my shirt, the sight of it instead dripping down on the pavement made my head spin and almost had me fainting. "MUM"

"Oh my. Edward come here." I heard mum coming running when she noticed what had happened and she called out for my dad who came from the other direction. "Brady, Brady are you with me?" Mum shook my shoulder as if she was afraid I had gone unconscious and I moaned and tried to pull away. "Come on honey." Mum's tone went calmer when she saw I was awake and she carefully helped me up from the pavement to get a better look at the cut on my forehead.

"One of us should probably take him to the ER" Dad told mum. "This looks pretty deep it might need stitches. I would take him but I have a very important meeting…" I sat down on the pavement again and tried not to listen to mum and dad discussing who should take me to the emergency room. I wouldn't think it was necessary but was too drowsy to protest and at last dad went to his car and got some tissues that he reached to me while mum helped me up again and I had to get into her car.

I hated waiting. Had always hated and was always going to hate it. Usually waiting I would be able to just zone out and fall asleep for a little while but right now it just hurt too much for me to relax. Mum filled up the papers but I couldn't sit still and I was- despite the pain was over and over again switching in between sitting in one chair until half lying towards my mum and lying across the seats on my other side.

Mum sat still not actually doing much at all once she had filled up the papers and handed them in. I noticed she sat and glanced at every nurse who passed by. And even in my drowsy state I understood she was keeping an eye open after Carole Hudson- Hummel who worked here. I thought it was mostly weird but- it paid off when mum made eye- contact with Carole and she saw us.

I didn't really search for her, but I saw her, and she frowned and then turned around and came walking towards the waiting room. "Bradon? Karen? What happened?" She leaned by me and seemed to study the wound on my forehead when I removed the tissue. "There aren't any doctors available now, come on. I'll examine it as good as I can."

I stood up and pressed the tissue towards my forehead again- it just didn't seem to stop bleeding as I and mum walked after Carole into the ER, through the hallway and into an examine room. "So what happened?" I sat down, but the question did go in through one ear and out through the other so it didn't really hit me I should answer.

"Yeah… how did it happen Brady?" Mum asked softly. "One moment you were on your way to get into the car and the next you were sitting on the pavement." I played mum's words over and over in my head to understand what she had asked- actually- yeah what had happened? I started going back and… no… not a freaking chance!

"I think I…." I scratched my neck confused. "I think I hit the car door in my face." Well… that was way too clumsy but as more and more from what happened before started coming back I realized- that not only was it the only idea I had of what had happened- it must have been what had happened. "I had a headache and I was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open and then…"

I silent and then sighed deeply. Come on- I knew I could be a klutz at times- couldn't everybody? But this really took the prize! Carole silently examined the wound and then pulled out a flashlight from her pocket. "I thought it only were doctors that kept those in their pockets!" I mumbled, mostly to have something to say.

"Mostly yeah. But some of us likes to keep these things with us for fast examines like this. If it turns out to be something I think is serious then I'll just get the doctor. Look at the light" Carole lit the flashlight and held it towards my eye first one and then the other. Wow-talk about way to make the headache escalate. "Do you have a headache? Feel nauseas or dizzy?"

"Yes, yes, yes. But I had and did all of that before I hit my head as well so I'm sure it's just a migraine.. or just a headache or whatever I don't care." I forced myself to keep my eyes open and Carole frowned and then stroke my hair slightly. "I wanna go home, and I just want my pyjamas and gummy bear shirt and then not move from my bed before I've had the time to screw up something else."

"I'll get the doctor." Carole said. "I don't believe that this is anything to worry about, but I want his opinion. I'll be back in a minute." She left and mum stepped closer and sat down by me. I lean against her shoulder- I hated hospitals! And this was flipping embarrassing. "So… Bradon this is Dr. Thomas, he'll just do a quick examination."

Dr. Thomas took his own flashlight and lit into my eyes. Then put his hands on my forehead and pulled his glasses on before he silently examined the wound on my forehead. "This does need stitches." I moaned- yet more time at the hospital for me then! Although I was still mostly half asleep I pushed myself up on the bunk and then hugged my legs while Dr. Thomas got out his equipment and just sat still while he stitched up the wound- it wouldn't help with complaining anyway.

"I'll come and check on you when my shift is over today." Carole said and patted my shoulder when me and mum finally were leaving. "No TV, reading, computer or anything else that blinks a lot or need high concentration within the next twenty four hours." I rolled my eyes. "I saw that Bradon. If we thought you had a more severe concussion we'd keep you hooked up on a monitor but it doesn't seem like it so you can go home. But Karen, stay home and keep an eye on him yeah? And if he falls asleep then wake him up every once in a while? And Bradon, if you get more nauseas or dizzy then come right back in here okay?"

I nodded carefully and made mental notes to remember everything Carole had said while I pulled my jacket back on and walked back through the parking lot and towards the car. Mostly I'd change my pyjamas from one night to another but as the pyjamas from tonight still lied on my bed when I came home I more or less threw my clothes off and got into that one almost at the same time as I pulled a shirt- fully printed with gummy bears out of my wardrobe and pulled it on over my PJ's.

I walked out to the living room, I might as well lie down there if mum had been told to keep an eye on me instead of in my room. Mum had heated up chocolate milk of my favorite kind- just like she always used to when I was ill or hurt. But I was half asleep already before I had come into the living room. Where mum sat with the warm cup in her hands and Alex stood in the doorway explaining to her that he'd forgotten to bring his football gear and came back to get it.

The last thing I was awake enough to hear them saying was a short, dry laughter from Alex and then another word that he probably would never stop calling me from now on.

"Klutz!"

**Keagan POV **

"So what I want you to do…" Mr. Jackson- the social studies teacher said. "Is to write an essay, by hand or on a computer or however you want. It doesn't matter how long or short it is but it needs to be about something that you think is wrong with this time's community. It can be anything you can come up with or are interested in. And you need to give some arguments on why it is a problem etc. You've got until next Friday. So..." He was interrupted when the bell rang. "That's it for today. Have a good evening everyone." I put my notebook back in my bag and threw it over my shoulder walking out of the classroom and towards my locker.

With my stuffed schedule as usual Wednesdays I hadn't had a chance to check if I or Bradon made it into the glee club. Now when school was finished for today I finally made it to the bulletin board and eyed through the list. "Yes." I boxed in the air when I spotted my name right under the top of the list and then continued through it and found Bradon's further down.

"Move!" I was well- less gently pushed out of the way of a girl with purple highlights and black clothes and she put her finger by the list of names and pulled it further and further down onto the paper until she stopped by Esme Montague's name. I probably shouldn't have watched her like that but… I just had a feeling it would be relevant.

"Yes!" I didn't really get it. I had seen Esme at the auditions and this wasn't her- and over was Bradon and under Daniel Vincent so none of them was her- obviously! So why would she be so happy… Hold on! I knew who this girl was! Her name was Martina Kessler and she had most of her classes along with- amongst others, Bradon.

But she hadn't auditioned… well this was confusing wasn't it? Oh well- I was just on my way to turn around and mind my own business when Martina turned around and looked at me. "You're Keagan Spencer right?" I nodded. "Well… do you know where I can find this Mr. Blaine Anderson?" I shrugged but well- the answer mostly came to us.

"He's right here!" I heard behind me, span around and saw Mr. Anderson standing there. He started talking to Martina but I backed away and walked back to my locker, only to have Mr. Anderson jogging up to me like a minute later. "Keagan was it right? Yeah… Look that… that gril wants to audition and… and I need at least three others than myself to be judge so… can you do me a huge favor and come to the choir room it will just take five minutes."

"Sure…" I was going to say more but Mr. Anderson started speaking and asked where Bradon was. "He's not here today." He bit his lip and then jogged away again after pointing to the choir room and I walked towards it, quickly followed by Lea- Marie Hale, Seth Anderson- Phillips and at last Mr. Anderson who sat down on the stairs in the back of the room with us others while Martina cleared her throat and started singing.

And there was no way to twist and turn it. Martina was a very good singer, the country song she had chosen was perfect for her voice and she stayed in tune perfectly. "Wow" Mr. Anderson exclaimed when the last toe had run out. "That song is called you hear a song… I heard a song… and it was damn beautiful. Welcome to the glee club."

"So…" Lea- Marie started talking when Martina had gone out and I was on my way to tie my shoelaces and then get to Bradon's house. "Why was I at the bottom of the list?" I more or less jumped up on my feet and then ran out of the choir room. This was a discussion I did not want to be a part of!

"Oh, hello Keagan." Karen Fredericks stepped to the side when she opened the door at the Fredericks' house. "You're here to see Bradon I suppose. He's in the living room." I nodded and walked through the hallway and into the living room where Bradon sat looking as miserable as ever in his shelfies- shirt and checkered pyjama shorts- not to forget the stitches on his forehead.

"I hate my life" He said grumpily. "I can't concentrate and not use anything that blinks, so I can't watch TV, not read, not… do homework" I threw the homework from Mr. Jacobson onto the table in front of him. "I can't do anything… and Alex keep on calling me a…." just as he said that Alex walked by and finished the sentence for him.

"Klutz!"

I smiled sheepishly. Well… what could be better to make time go by then music? I started singing on a song I knew he knew and liked. "Come on Keags, I've got a headache." I sang it louder. "Ugh" I sang even louder for every time he complained, and at last, getting into the refrain he started singing alone and his smile only grew bigger and bigger.

Well… tell me something I wouldn't do to make my best friend smile!

**Playlist  
Martina- You hear a song- Cassadee Pope  
Keagan and Bradon- Piano man- Billy Joel**

**And one note, ehrm. Benjamin's little sister- she's got a portrayer. Do you know MattyBRaps? Well I haven't heard too much of his music but I know that Matty have got a sister named Sarah Grace- and she is the portrayer for Madison. She is just the cutest, sweetest most beautiful little thing ever. **

**And so… to the… the… the…. Whatever the word is that I'm looking for on the poll  
Thirteen people have voted.  
On shared fifth place with one vote each  
Jasper and Sharon  
On shared fourth place with two votes each  
Daniel and Christie  
On shared third place with three votes each  
Charlotte, Lea- Marie, Bradon, Dakota, Esme  
On second place with four votes. The only place that isn't shared!  
Belle  
On shared first place with five votes each  
"Drumroll"  
Seth and Keagan  
So that's the ending…. Whatever… on the poll. I might do another poll closer to sectionals sometimes. Congrats to Seth and Keags and thank you to everyone who voted **

**So, before you go there was just something I wanted to ask. I know this title is kind of not so typical so I wanted to know what you think about the title, the summary and the cover, and if you think it works with the story and with each other?**


	10. I hate my life!

**IMPORTANT NOTE DOWN BELOW **

**In this chapter there is a quite… racist word so to say used. I have used it for a character though, it's none of your characters so you won't have to worry about that. And it was to suit the character and storylines, I AM NOT A RACIST. To me it doesn't matter if you're white, black, mixed, Asian, green, blue or purple, I don't care if you're homo, bi, straight or whatever, and neither whatever religion you have. You could be a freaking dinosaur or glow in the dark if you wanted to but I wouldn't care just as long as you don't go on on the fact that I am not. So please no hate about it or any reports or anything. And if you've got a problem with it, PM or leave it in a review and I'll write it in another way. **

**THERE IS AN IMPORTANT NOTE ABOUT A COMPETITON AT THE BOTTOM. **

**Christie POV **

On Wednesday afternoons I always had dialysis. It had been like that in West Bridgewater and somehow Carole had fixed so I would have the same times at Lima memorial. Hurray! I love my life! It didn't feel exactly great to do Monday's and Wednesday's homework- usually half an hour's work or something like that. And the Friday night movie in a hospital bad with hoses and chords and needles and… yep! I officially had the greatest life ever!

Sitting in the bus I looked to my left and saw a guy- about three decimeters taller than me and at least a hundred kilos heavier. Looking to the right I saw out the window and saw grey concrete buildings and trees that have been placed on the side of the sidewalk. Sidewalks and people walking towards wherever.

I hated this town! And I didn't want anyone to get me wrong on that- I loved my aunt, her husband and his son and his husband were alright. The nurses at the hospital were nice- because I had already been there three times since I came here not even a week ago. But so were they at West Bridgewater memorial too.

I hated my dad too. Hated the way he just kicked me out, I hated my mum for letting him do it and my brother Toby for just sitting around and watching it all happen. In fact- I hated everything about my miserable life that was with very high possibility become not very much longer than what it was right now.

I hated being ill, I hated everything about it, the meds, the side effects, the dialysis… and I hated the reason my dad had kicked me out. The fact that I was… "Miss!" The bus driver woke me up from my thoughts and I looked up and saw that except from me and him the bus was empty and we were by the hospital parking lot. "This is the end stop you need to get off if you don't want to go back."

I nodded and felt my cheeks go bright red before I stood up, grabbed my backpack and hurried out of the bus. Carole worked in the ER and I could see the sign hanging over the doors and that was practically the only thing that helped me find through the turns in the parking lot's asphalt to get to the freaking hospital.

"Hello honey." Carole stood right by the reception when I came in. "How did school go today?" I shrugged and climbed up on the chair behind the desk. Carole sighed but I could see that she was trying to hide it. "I'll go get your clothes from my locker. Wait here." I usually switched clothes from a heavy hoodie- about five sizes too big and jeans or sweatpants when I finished school for the day. So also when I came to the hospital, and Carole kept it in her locker in the staff's lounge during the day.

"Here you go" Carole handed me the plastic bag I had packed with things I'd need for this session of dialysis along with a box with a piece of hard bred, an apple and a small pack of juice so I wouldn't like die of blood sugar fall before we had come home and could eat dinner. I guess many would say it wasn't much- but hey! Try eating when your body can only take twenty grams of protein a day- and we'll see how much you'll eat for every meal.

"The nurses upstairs recognize you so you could go there right away. Oh… if you want to I can hold that while you go change, but I won't be able to come with you for yet a while. I'll come up as soon as my shift is over though." I didn't listen much to what Carole said. I had heard it all before, both from her and my mum who would always have something to do before she came to the hospital.

I gave Carole the box again and sneaked into the bathroom to change. What I had brought was a pair of the usual knitted socks and a onesie that my brother had saved all of his money to buy for me last Christmas. Say what you want about Toby- but he was sweet- and he was funny. And maybe that was why he had wanted to give me a onesie printed like a strawberry

"I can take that now." When I came back to Carole I grabbed the box with my food. "I'll see you later." Turning around and walking towards the elevators I could see people pointing and laughing at my onesie but I just glared at them and let it go. It wasn't up to them if I was going to wear something comfortable or something nice and fashionable.

"Well hello!" When I sat in the bed upstairs and looked out the window down at the parking lot outside suddenly someone came into the room and I flinched and then turned around to see an old woman coming in and sitting down on the other bed in the room. And a nurse who came with her and started fixing with the dialysis machine.

"My name is June. What is your name sweetie?"

"Christie. Nice to meet you." My voice was cold and monotone, I didn't want to actually tell her but mostly I just wanted to tell her to shut up so I hoped that my tone would just have her let go by it speaking its own language. But even I knew that saying nice to meet you was just common sense and was more about needing to do it than about wanting to do it or not.

"Christie? Is that short for something? Christine? Christina? Kristen?" I sighed… this must be the millionth time I was answering this question. About a girls' name that my dad had decided they would give me after a boys' name of a man I had never even met- Christopher Hudson, who had apparently been very good friends with my dad.

"No it's just Christie" I answered callously.

"I like your… dress." At last I turned my head to look at her again. "You look like a strawberry! You look so sweet I could just eat you up." June laughed while the nurse put the needle in. "Oh, ow. I felt that." She looked down towards her arm where the nurse had put her needle in and I reached for my book to try and get some peace.

"It's not often we see so young people here" June started talking again. "But I can see you're here for dialysis too." I nodded and sighed. "How old are you?" I answered her fourteen. "Wow. Do you want to know how old I am? I am eighty four. So I'm seventy years old older than you!" I for sure didn't give a damn about any of what she said. But I couldn't concentrate anyway so I laid my book to the side and decided to listen more to what she said.

"Hello" That night when I and Carole came home Carole shouted her usual hello's while I just stood there with my hands in my pockets and the zipper on my anorak pulled up as far as possible. "Oh… hey Ali" Carole's Portuguese waterdog came up and greeted us with licking and whisking tail. Staying extra-long by me when I sat down to untie my shoelaces with a toy in her mouth.

"Burt." Carole said in a moaning tone. "Did you buy one of those squeaky toys for Alice again? You know we will have wool and pieces of fabric from it all over the house before the day is over." Burt came out in the hallway looking mostly like a sad puppy himself as he said sorry like a little kid to Carole who pushed down his cap over his eyes.

"I went by feet and paws to buy food and I brought her inside with me and then she was biting onto that toy and I… you know I don't have the heart to have her let go of it" Burt explained himself. "And she… she just looked at me like that with the toy in her mouth and damn it… It would be easier telling no to Kurt than what it is to say no to her." He smirked just as Blaine came running through the living room door.

"Guys, guys, guys. I have come up with the perfect name for the glee club and Kurt says it's just totally me and I was thinking that you know we now have thirteen pieces of this club, and fourteen with me and the thing is that without one of these people the whole thing would just fall apart and then I heard this song and then I just had it, I just had it…"

"So what is your idea Blaine?" Carole seemed curious and eager to know.

"Every bit of glee" That was the last thing I heard before everything was suddenly just spinning around, I felt the color- or well- the little color there usually was on my face disappear as I reached out and tried to catch the others' attention without having to speak. Because I was afraid that with all of the spinning I was afraid I would throw up if I opened my mouth.

It felt like ages as usual, but probably only lasted for a second or maybe two at the most before my eyelids just got too heavy for me to keep my eyes open and I felt myself falling. But I did cross the thought that this wasn't supposed to happen, not now, not today, not right after dialysis but some other day when I hadn't had it for a while.

And then there was that last thought that always hit me when the symptoms got worse than other times.

"I hate my life!"

**Martina POV **

"MARTI" I woke up when my dad's shouting echoed through or house. "YOU NEED TO WAKE UP NOW. YOU OVER SLEPT" I swore out loud and kicked the covers off- not bothering about folding the covers for the day before I ran over to the wardrobe and pushed the door to it open, quickly choosing clothes for the day before I headed for the bathroom.

I hated over- sleeping, I knew I should have bought a new alarm clock because I knew that the one on my phone wasn't working! "MARTI" Dad shouted again and I, that was already stressed enough got caught in one of the holes in my ripped tights and was more or less thrown down onto the bathroom floor. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." I fizzled and tried to pull the tights on from sitting instead. Well this was a great way to get the day started in a bad mood. Dad was usually my best friend, which was a good thing because since my mum died in a car three years ago it was only me and him. But there came times when I just wanted to rip his head of- like when he was trying to hurry me and I fell and hit my head in the toilet bowl- Ew!

Or just make him try and put on ripped tights as fast as possible- with it being very important to actually get the feet through the right holes and not some other hole during the way! I sighed, I didn't in any ways regret the style of clothing I had decided to start wearing, but sometimes I wondered if it wouldn't be easier if I just started wearing jeans, T- shirts, dresses or whatever it was normal people would wear.

I'm done now" I jumped on one leg out of the bathroom pulling a ruffle skirt on over the tights almost making myself fall once again. This time dad caught me before I had lost my balance fully and helped me find the balance again before I grabbed my bag and a banana from the kitchen and ran outside to my car.

School started at half past eight, when I woke up it was ten minutes past eight and driving at a safe paste to McKinley since we lived in the middle of freaking nowhere would take fifteen minutes. So don't me ask me how I managed… but just as Mrs. Montague unlocked the door to the French classroom I ran up and got in the back of the crowd making their way through the door.

"Oh… Miss Kessler." Mrs. Montague smiled. "How nice that you want to join us today." I nodded- after running with everything I had through the hallways I was too out of breath to speak. "Well… no harm done." I walked before her into the classroom and threw my bag on the desk to sit by Esme Montague to get a chance to work together with her.

When I first moved here, six years ago, I and my dad had lived neighbors with the Montague's. I and Katrina- Esme's twin sister had used to spend much time together. Because even though I had taken pretty much every chance there was to spend time with Esme, she had mostly spent her time together with her best friend Sharon Fischer.

I hadn't gotten yet then why I was always doing my best to get Esme's attention. But three years later I had finally understood what it actually was turned out to be love, only to one day later lose my mum in an accident, along with my cat in the same accident and then moving to the other side of town to the middle of nowhere and a safer block.

Safer in more than one way. One- most of the people here were either too young or too old to drive, and two- if we would leave the front door wide open every night for a year we wouldn't have to worry a second about someone coming. And so I and Esme hadn't ended up in the same school again until we came to McKinley.

And… even though when I was little I was…. I was a social person, always trying to meet new friends whether it was in Atlanta where I had spent the first ten years of my life with mum, dad and my cat Gro. Or Lima- where we came when dad quit playing Baseball for the Reds and retired before we moved to Lima to be closer to the rest of the family.

In 2011 when we were moving from Atlanta to Lima I had tried to make mum and dad changed their minds and decide that we would stay in Atlanta where I had my whole life. Now, and the last three years back, I would have done anything to just turn back time and if not moving from Atlanta would mean that my mum had lived then I would have found a way for it to happen.

And within everything I had lost count of all of the problems. First of all my plan to come out to my parents had blown up and it had kept on doing so every time I had tried to tell my dad every time since then- he still didn't know I was a Lesbian. Second I just couldn't let people come close because what if I just lost them again and…. Third… I couldn't hear loud bangs or see blood without…

"AH" I was woken from my thoughts when a shout echoed through the classroom and a loud bang was heard behind me. I flew up on my feet and spun around. Spotting that Seth Phillips- Anderson had been sitting rocking his chair again and so lost balance and fallen backwards. That was what had made the sound and now when Seth himself sat up and pulled a hand forward from holding it on the back of his head and now had blood on his fingers.

Mrs. Montague hurried to Seth and sent him off to the nurse. But I barely knew it. I was following it all with my eyes wide open but…. Even with that the pictures from that terrible day almost three years ago kept on playing on and on behind my eyes. Gro jumping out of the grip in my arms and sneaking out the door when mum walked outside, the loud bang, running outside and blood… loads of blood.

I didn't even know what I was doing while I ignored Mrs. Montague speaking my name and just hurrying towards the door and out in the hallway. Since everyone were on their lessons now the hallway was empty but I still continued to hurry and ran down the stairs on shaky legs until I'd reach the bottom floor that was always empty.

I sunk down on the floor behind the stairs, my hair was already glued to my head with sweat and my breaths short and shallow. But I couldn't have noticed it less. The pictures kept on playing inside my head and with how real it was it was a miracle I didn't start shouting the things that I had been shouting then and let the whole school hear about my meltdown

_.."MUM" I shouted with the loud bang and ran outside, mum's car was pushed up towards a lamppost and the whole front of the car- including the whole front seat seemed to be in about the same place as the back seat. I ran out of the house with dad right in front of me doing half- hearted attempts to make me go back into the house but didn't listen to him. _

"_MUM… GRO" In the grass by the road, right by what had been one of mum's car's tires laid my cat. My very, very best friend through my whole childhood, the one who had always been there when no one else was. Her grey fur was more of red than its natural color, spotted with blood, and I looked towards the car not to have to see it. _

_Dad was just reaching into the car, trying to reach my mum. Or more… what was left of her._

"_MUM"…_

With a sharp intake of breath I returned to reality. My whole body was shaking but my breaths getting deeper and slower. "You're okay" I said to myself. "You're okay." I had to do this- even though I didn't know.

I hated this, I hated having to be there once again every time there was a loud bang or seeing blood. I hated having to live through it again, and again, and again. It must have been at least a thousand times since it actually happened that once. Just as a constant reminder that it was too late, that everything was too late

I would have to find a way to make an end to it.

And there was that thought that never would never leave me alone when things got worse

"I hate my life!"

**Lea- Marie POV **

My last lesson for the day was cancelled, so between math class and the first rehearsal with the glee club I had almost two hours were there was nothing certain going on and I decided to just go swimming since I had all for it in my locker anyway. And it seemed to be that with my body just floating through the water the problems seemed to go as smooth and I could just forget about everything for a while.

And usually I could just keep them all away even for a while after I got out of the water. Stepping up, tying a towel around me, shoving my feet in my flip- flops and walking towards the locker room I managed to press the problems sneaking in away. It actually didn't make itself back until I stood in the showers, with way too cold water running over my head and washing myself when I glanced towards the tattoo on my collar bone.

"Caterina" the neat handwriting read. It was made of my mother's own handwriting- like it had been when she was alive. And that was where all of the problems had begun. It being just I and my dad we had moved from my home in Italy- the only home I had ever known as my own, to Lima, Ohio. Which was like the world's smallest town! I had spent one years with forcing myself out of bed some days, some days I was just done trying and didn't care for it. Dad had met Marion- and then everything had gone on from there.

Dad had asked me to come home right after the first glee- rehearsal today. Said he and Marion had something important to tell me. It wasn't hard for me to guess what it was about. I wasn't stupid for Christ's sake- it would take an idiot to not get by now that I would- within the next few months become a big sister!

But even if I already kind of knew what they wanted to tell me that was so important. I wasn't quite sure I was ready to hear the news yet. And I tried to push the thoughts away yet again as I pulled the silver necklace I had with a silver heart with an engraved L for Lea- Marie, tied my shoelaces, grabbed my bag and walked out into the hallway.

Well this was weird! The whole freaking corridor smelled of… plumbing and it for sure hadn't done that before I went to the swimming pool- and it wasn't me because people all down the hall were walking with scarves and shirts and whatever they had pulled up over their mouths and noses to keep the smell out.

I held my breath not to start gagging by the terrible smell and searched through my bag and found a scarf that I held towards my face while looking around for someone to ask. "Mrs. Montague?" I spotted the French teacher and caught her attention before she had continued through the hall- also she with a scarf held over her mouth and nose. "What's going on? What's that smell?"

"I'm not sure." She almost had to shout it- or she'd have to remove the scarf and the reason she wasn't going to choose that was quite obvious. "We think it's something with the school plumping. I'm not sure when it can be fixed. I've got to go now sweetie." She turned around and walked towards the stairs. Wow- well she just waved me off too rudely didn't she?

I couldn't do much else then to leave my things in my locker, and then walk to sit down outside the glee room. Maybe it would have been a better idea to sit outside but there was no way I would be doing that in this rain so I decided to just sit there on the floor and scroll through my phone on Facebook until the others started arriving.

Belle Jolie and a brown haired boy I didn't recognize came right after me. The boy had brown hair and I noticed him on the way he was the only one I had seen for a long while that didn't try to shot that terrible smell out- actually he didn't seem to be bothered by it at all- there must be something wrong with this guy! Like he totally lacked the sense of smell or something!

Right next came the short, scrawny girl I had seen on Monday before I signed up for the glee club. She sat down on the floor across the hall from me a bit away from Belle and the weird boy and glared around her. And then I noticed that she was the second one I had seen today who didn't seem bothered by the smell. Okay-a boy I could understand but her!

Another brown haired boy with the collar of his distance running jacket pulled up over his face came and sat down almost by me. And not until then I recognized him as the boy- yeah- Jazz or whatever his name was. The one who with his sister was supposed to go first at the auditions- as if!

"Hello!" The new one greeted happily and looked to Belle and her friend. "Hmm… Okay… I'm sorry for just going right on it like this but do you have some superpower- sense- of- smell so your nose filters this bad smell because like that you really shouldn't be able to even breathe in this!" He smiled crooked and let hear a short chuckle.

"Ugh," the first brown- haired boy pretended to moan. "No I haven't got any superpower, but I spent the first five years of my life in a town far, far, far away from here. Where I lived right next to a paper factory that smelled so badly that if the wind was in the right direction it smelled monkey in the whole town. So after all, this isn't too bad!"

"Where is it?"

"It's in Sweden." The answered. "A small town in the middle of nowhere kind of!"

"So you're Swedish?" The short girl looked up at the first boy just as everyone else started gathering and Mr. Hummel- Anderson came walking and unlocked the choir room. "But…" the girl tilted her head backwards to be able to look up at the boy. "Aren't Swedes supposed to be blonde?" The boy turned his head and looked at her. "And blue eyed?"

"Aren't Americans supposed to be fat?" The boy answered and grinned so she would get it was a joke. The girl looked down at her short, bony figure- even with too big sweatpants and hoodie on it was clear that she was barely more than skin and bones. And to me it seemed that the boy had gotten that comment before- and also given that answer before.

"So." Mr. Hummel- Anderson begun when we had all sat down in the back of the choir room, just as a tall, brown- haired boy came jogging into the room. "Don't worry, you're not late." The boy sat down by me and smiled slightly, trying to catch his breath after obviously running the whole way here. "So" Mr. Hummel- Anderson begun again. "Because of these terrible circumstances…." He had had to pull his shirt down from his mouth to speak but held a hand on his nose to show what he meant.

"…I'm going to try to keep it short. But I'm going to announce the first assignment for the glee club. But I will tell more about that later. First of all, I'm going to start with saying my name and a fact about myself, then I'll pass it over to you, and you say your name, your age, grade and a random fact. So… My name is Blaine Hummel- Anderson, I'm twenty three years old and I work here as a director for the glee club and in the library. I used to be in the former glee club that used to be at this school. So…" I tried to make him see me to go next. "Do you want to take it next ehrm… Dakota I think it was?"

The Hispanic boy that Mr. Hummel- Anderson had talked to waited for a bit and then spoke. "My name is Dakota Lopez, I'm fourteen and a freshman. I'm the youngest of five boys in my family- well six if you count my dad. Do you want to go next?"

For every time someone was passing it over I was trying to make myself visible for them. But they always looked past me or in another direction, and after it was Dakota's turn, he looked towards Belle Jolie.

"My name is Belle Jolie. I'm seventeen and a junior. I like designing clothes. Do you want to go next Seth?"

"My name is Seth Anderson- Phillips. I'm sixteen and a sophomore. As some of us were talking about earlier I'm from Sweden, but if I hear one more person ask if Swedes aren't supposed to be blonde I'm going to scream out loud." He joke- glared over the group. "Thank you! Do you want to go next Jasper?"

"My name is Jasper Birch, I'm also fourteen and a freshman. I love my sister, we auditioned together but she didn't make it in! Do you want to go next?"

"My name is Christie Kyemohr. I'm fourteen and a freshman" The short girl's sounded low and hoarse. "And no, Christie isn't short for anything." She leaned back in her chair again and I couldn't help but notice that she looked exhausted. "Oh… do you want to go next?"

"My name is Esme Montague, I'm sixteen and a sophomore. And if someone refers my name to the twilight saga or to Romeo and Juliet I'll make your life a living hell" she grinned so everyone would know she was never going to make reality of that. "Do you want to go next?"

"My name is Martina Kessler, I'm sixteen and a sophomore. And vampire diaries and baseball are the two best things existing on this planet! Do you want to go next?"

"My name is Sharon Fischer, I'm fifteen and a sophomore. And I swear I'm not really too addicted to coffee. Do you want to go next?"

"My name is Charlotte Amato, I'm fifteen and a freshman. I like to wear grey and blue clothes." I looked the girl up and down, she was in fact wearing mostly grey and blue with blue cover- all jeans- shorts, a grey sweater printed with panda's, a grey beanie, several thin bracelets in silver and different shades of blue, along with a white, blue and brown backpack and ragged brown ankle boots. "Do you want to go next" I sighed when yet another time someone else was chosen.

"My name is Daniel Vincent, I'm eighteen and I'm a senior." He scratched his neck and seemed to wonder about what to say. "And I'm so bad at cooking I can't even cook oatmeal without messing it up- no, not even in the microwave." There were a few spread laughs in the room- wow- he must be so bad at cooking. "Do you want to go next?"

I was surprised when I realized that out of everyone that could have, Daniel- the Daniel Vincent- like the school's hottest guy had asked me. And it was there and then that I decided that no matter what it would take- I would have to make Daniel Vincent mine! "Hello- o. Do you want to get on?" I woke up from my thoughts.

"My name is Lea- Marie, I'm fifteen and a sophomore. And in a few years, you and everyone else will know my name." I dreamed away for a bit- I would be big, I would be famous, travel all over the world and… well those were just dreams so far, and most of all I just wanted to get away from this nowhere and home to Italy. "Do you want to go next?"

The boy I had asked had stitches on his forehead, he pushed himself up and wondered for a bit. "My name is Bradon Fredericks, I'm sixteen and a sophomore, and I knew that guy on the picture" he pointed to a plaque on the wall with a picture of a boy- maybe in his late teens. "Keags, you're the only one left. He turned his head and looked to his friend who sat right by."

"Well…" Keags or whatever his name was clapped his hands together and stood up turning to us all. "Half the school seems to know already, so I might as well let you know if you don't. My name is Keagan Spencer, I'm sixteen and a junior. And I was born a girl, but I've known since I was little that I actually was a boy. And if anyone's got a problem with that, come to me, and not to anyone else. Thank you."

Keagan sat down again. The room had fallen all silent. "That…" Jasper Birch started at last. "….Is so awesome!" Keagan chuckled. "No I mean it. That is so cool!" Keagan shook his head, not because he didn't agree but because apparently Jasper was a bit silly- I- I didn't know what to think about anything so it was a good thing when Mr. Hummel- Anderson spoke up again.

"Well that's… that's really awesome to know a little fact about you all. Now I just need to remember who has which fact." He smirked. "So well, the first assignment for this glee club is to get in pairs and do each duet, the song can be about anything. But the only rule is that you need to pair up with someone you don't know too well, you can choose yourself." Blaine sighed.

"One of you will have to do with me, because right now we are thirteen, I'm going to try and make it an equal number for assignments like this but I can't promise anything." Okay- no way I was doing it with a teacher- no way! "Okay, you just choose a partner each and I will fix a bit here." Almost before he had finished the sentence I had turned to Daniel. I needed to do this with him.

I tried to get his attention, but he had already turned away and seemed to have found a partner in Christie Kyemohr. Br*t! I turned back and tried to find someone else and everywhere people were pairing up, Seth and Bradon, saying something that I couldn't understand, Keagan and Jasper, Belle and Charlotte. And before I knew it everyone had a partner.

And during circumstances I was still in the world's worst mood when I came home and threw my shoes off in the hallway, just to hear the sound of Marion- once again throwing up in the bathroom and dad trying to calm her down. "Dad." I pushed the door to the bathroom open. "There was something you wanted to tell me!?"

"Sorry, sorry honey." Dad didn't even look at me or stop to stroke Marion's back. "It will have to be a bit later, maybe another day. I'm sorry." He used all of his attention to Marion again and I pushed myself up from leaning against the wall and started walking upstairs, where I threw my bag in a corner, and myself on the bed.

I knew what was going on! There was no doubt about it and there was no other reason dad would all of a sudden care for Marion- his stupid girlfriend more than what he cared for me. It wasn't fair! I had been here long before she was, she had only just come in. And now our whole lives were going to change because of that!

And there was that thought again, the one that I couldn't keep away on days like this.

"I hate my life!"

**Daniel POV **

I looked around the room when Mr. Hummel- Anderson announced what the first lesson in glee club was. I didn't notice the girl with the olive skin trying to get my attention and turned up to the girl who sat on my left almost behind me. "Hey." I greeted her when I'd gotten her attention, and not until she looked at me I recognized her.

It was the girl that I had seen on the bus three days ago. The one who was so skinny she looked like she was constantly starving, and she was also very short. I noticed the dark spots right under her ear this time too but I shook the weird feeling off and started speaking to her, even though she was mostly glaring at me.

"Hi…. Christie was it right?" She nodded. "Well I'm Daniel, but you might already know that. So maybe… maybe we could do this together since… I don't know you but it would be great getting to know you." Christie shrugged as if she couldn't care less. "Well… is that a yes?" I had to admit that answer confused me.

"Sure if you want." She said callously and I stood up and stepped up so I'd sit right by her just as the others as well started pairing up. I glanced towards Christie and eyed her up and down. I couldn't get where this weird feeling came from. Maybe it was just that she looked like her… yeah that would have to be it!

Most of the others sat with their shirts or scarves pulled up over their mouth and noses, I had pulled the collar up as well but it made it too warm and hard to speak, I wasn't too bothered by smells anyway… But… Christie she didn't do anything like that. And maybe I shouldn't even have noticed, but I still couldn't let the feeling go.

"So… have everyone got a partner because if I've counted this right there should be one person who haven't got one?" He glanced over the group. Well… that was until the girl with the olive skin- I couldn't remember her name spoke up. And Mr. Hummel- Anderson as well as everybody else turned to her.

"Oh come on. I don't care who I'm going to do it with but I am not going to be like some loser and do it with the teacher." The room fell silent again until she spoke up again. "Not a chance, I'm not doing it!" Mr. Hummel- Anderson frowned and scratched his forehead, and then pulled out a paper and a pen from his bag that he laid by him on the piano.

"I'm afraid that if there's no one else for you to do it with so you're stuck with me. So we'll move on." He scratched his neck. "We'll be having two rehearsals a week usual weeks. When sectionals comes closer we'll have more and…" He pulled out another paper and put it next to the other one with another paper. "I want everyone to write the couples they're in on this paper, and their name, cellphone number and e- mail address on that other one. And when everyone's done it I'll just have a few more things to announce and then we will finish for today."

The one in the front line amongst the first stood up first, I waited while Christie walked down and asked Mr. Hummel- Anderson something, he shook his head and then signed to me to come and get our names on the first list. It was when she grabbed the pencil and wrote very slowly I couldn't help but notice that her fingers were all swollen- so swollen it made it hard for her to get a good grip of the pencil.

"Do you need help with that?" I asked, my voice weaker than what I had planned. No, no, no. No it couldn't be it! There would have to be some explanation to everything. I was just being paranoid and saw things that weren't there it couldn't be it- not again! It wouldn't happen twice… there was no way it could!

Christie glared at me, but when Dakota Lopez- who stood by me along with Sharon Fisher made a comment about how slow she was and exclaimed "Get finished sometime this year!" she looked to me and then spelled her name while I wrote it, and right after I wrote mu name right by hers. She didn't sign the other paper and shook her head when I asked if she wanted help with that too, but I noted my name, phone number, and e- mail- address.

"So that's it, I've only got two things more. First of all, our rehearsals will be Tuesday and Thursday, I've checked everyone's teams and everything and most of you have Monday's and late Tuesday's and Thursday's so it should be fine to everyone. And second, as you've probably noticed to call me Mr. Hummel- Anderson is just awfully long!"

"What are we supposed to call you then?" The girl with the olive skin and- as I noticed now, some sort of European accent asked. "You're a teacher?!" Her rude was quite rude, and I wondered how much of Mr… whatever we should call him now's self-control it took to actually just smile at her and continue.

"I was getting to that. And that's actually the thing. I am not your teacher, I am the director of the glee club but I do it for fun and I haven't got any education on being a teacher- I also work in the library. And the thing is- my last name- before I married, was Anderson. And I do not want to be just Mr. Anderson- my dad is Mr. Anderson… So when you guys want to call out for me or whatever…. Just call me Blaine."

"But" Keagan Spencer started. "You're still kind of a teacher… so… well at least to me it would be really weird not calling you mister… so how about Mr. Blaine?" several others- including me nodded agreeing but Mr. Whatever protested. "Mister Blaine, Mister Blaine, Mister Blaine…" Keagan shouted over and over again, stomping both of his feet and hitting his fists towards his knees in the rhythm of the words.

The boy with the stitches on his forehead- I was terrible on remembering names did the same, Mr. Whatever shook his head but then I and the girl in the blue and grey clothes got along too, and when Dakota and Seth did the same afterwards, and soon everyone was doing it. "OKAY, OKAY." Mr. Blaine shouted at last. "Mr. Blaine is okay, but call me just Blaine if you want to and I hear someone say Mr. Hummel- Anderson and they're suspended from the glee club."

Everyone had been voting on Mr. Blaine at last, sitting stomping their feet and hitting their fists towards their knees. But when I turned my head and looked towards the scrawny girl on my left, she was still sitting with the hoodie wrapped around her as if she was cold, just staring emptily in front of her as if she couldn't give a damn about anything around her.

"So that's it for today." Mr. Blaine started talking again and with a growing worried gut- feeling inside of me I had to turn back to him. "I'll e- mail and text- message you all tonight so you've all got my e-mail and cellphone. I want you to answer it all so I know I've gotten the right ones. Ehrm… how many here have got Facebook" everyone except for me raised their hands.

"Daniel… have you been thinking about getting one or so?" I shrugged… I haven't really thought about it but I had nothing against it. "Oh well… I'll start a group for us so it'll be easy to you all at once when I need. Daniel can you at least consider getting one" I nodded. "Thank you. So that's it… off you go. Next rehearsal is Tuesday at four but you will have to rehearse a bit on your own throughout the weekend and so. Bye."

I stood up and walked down onto the floor, but Christie had started talking to Mr. Blaine about something and I didn't want to interrupt. On top of it all my basketball practice started in twenty minutes so I'd have to get changed and everything and I walked down to my locker and got my basketball and my bag just as Mr. Blaine and Christie came walking down the hallway and I couldn't help but hear them.

"This smell is getting really bad… I hope they can fix it soon or I guess they will have to close the school down because everyone gets sick because of the smell." Blaine let hear a short chuckle- I didn't care much for it. But it was Christie's reply that hit me harder than the train, and I just couldn't breathe.

"I can't really feel neither smells nor tastes as I should. I barely smell it. Is this where I'm happy I've got renal?" I tried to seem as if I haven't heard or anything but it felt as if someone had put a belt tightly around my chest and I felt the other symptoms of a full- blown panic attack coming on and didn't really know what to do.

I wasn't sure about how I got there, but it was a miracle I hadn't thrown up, fainted or both until I sat on the bench by the wall in gym and barely noticed Coach Michaelson coming up to me, obviously not noticing my current state- or just didn't care about it. And maybe it was best that way.

"Dan." I woke up from my thoughts. "You'll need to go change, you know I don't let anyone play in jeans and converse etc." I nodded. "Well come on then… you know that new guy right." I nodded. "Yeah Leigh or whatever." I nodded- I had met that guy- Liam Linnel- he was nice, a good guy and good at basketball. "Yeah… if you don't come to practice and everything, you know that guy's going to shine over you. And you can't let a n***er do that can you?"

The word and the tone when coach said it had me looking up. I didn't have anything against either white, black, mixed, Asians or anything else- but obviously coach did. And I'd better do as he said or I would be kicked out of the team any time so I agreed against my will. But even though what he said I knew I couldn't train today.

"Coach" I switched subject. "I'm sorry but… I feel terrible, I think I have a migraine coming on and I'd like to get home while I can still stand on my feet. I've got to go home." I stood up without waiting for an answer and even though I knew the risk I ignored coach's shouts after me- I just had to get home.

Walking through the hallway I barely noticed the music coming from the choir room with Mr. Blaine standing in the doorway. But it didn't hit me that I maybe should have stopped to listen or whatever. I just needed to get home and that as fast as possible.

Well whatever home was! When the wheels of my bike finally rolled up on our driveway and I stumbled up the porch steps and fumbled with the key it was going to an empty house to at last, as the door closed behind me just collapse in the hallway. My knees buckled under me and for a long while I just lied there without having anything to do about it.

And there was that thought, the one that was always there when I was reminded of everything I had tried so hard to suppress.

"I hate my life!"

**The song Blaine gets every bit of glee from- with every bit of me- Kevin Borg **

**June is portrayed by June Squibb. Like I said earlier Alice is portrayed by my Yippie. **

**And if anyone wonders, no I'm not from the town that Seth is talking about **

**COMPETITION ABOUT GLEE CLUB NAME DOWN BELOW **

**So, as you probably saw the name for the glee club is a bit… well it isn't that good. So I've decided that further into the story Blaine will change his mind and decide that "Every bit of glee" will be something else and come up with anything. So I've decided to make it a contest, I want each and every one of you to send in something that could be used as the name of the glee club- like New Directions or Vocal Adrenalines but nothing already taken. The ones that aren't chosen for this glee club will possibly be names of glee club at sectionals etc. There are just a few rules- that will be very easy to follow, read them carefully. **

**Nothing that's already taken on the show**

**Send it in a PM in a new conversation, if you want to send in more then use the same conversation **

**You can send in as many names as you want. **

**I will keep it open for as long as I need**

**No hate if I don't choose yours**

**The most important rules-be creative and have fun. **


	11. Stay for dinner?

**So. As it said in the A/N that was up earlier the competition about the new glee club's name is closed and finished. I have PM'd everyone who applied and told them either good or bad news. And so… the one who got the good news was…. **

"**drumroll"…**

**... and now it's time for commercial…**

**No I'm just kidding….**

"**drumroll"….**

**LocalXmusicXjellybeanX "applause" congratulations. I hope I do it well**

**And what name it was will come out in the chapter **

**Benjamin POV **

When the last lesson ended I had to run through the roads to Mady's kindergarten three blocks away and get her from there. Then, to do it as fast as possible I lifted her up to sit on my back and sprinted down the road as fast as I could with her there, still missing the bus home with only a few meters.

"Oh damn." I let Mady down onto the asphalt again. "Well… next goes in an hour. Do you want to go to my school instead and we can sit there and play go fish until the bus is here?" Mady nodded, she didn't seem sad that we had missed it. Knowing her right I could guess that she was only happy that I had suggested go fish.

I took Mady's hand and walked with her over the parking lot and into my school. "See Mady? This is where I go to school now!" I had switched schools over the summer because of some rumors spreading about me and my family. In May we had moved to a new house in a new part of Lima, mum had to travel three hours a day to get to work and I and Mady didn't go to school in the same building anymore but it was better than going around hearing stuff about what my parents were or didn't were at least.

I got the card game in my locker and then sat down on a bench in the hallway where I could spread out the cards in between us and passed out the cards giving us five each. I lost track of time sitting there. As usual over and over again losing to my sister- there was absolutely nothing fair in how lucky she was in card games.

"Hello!" After a little while I heard the glee club coming out of the choir room behind me and Dakota came and greeted us. "Hey Mady. What gives us the pleasure for this royal visit?" Mady laughed at Dakota's words and I explained to him. "Oh, okay. I can't help you but if you want you can come home to mine again and wait there you can."

"Thank you but no thank you." I replied. "We've only got about half of the time to wait left anyway. I smiled when I saw Mady pull out for cards from her hands and added it to her group of points. "And I actually enjoy just spending time with Mady like this." Dakota nodded, said goodbye and then walked down the hallway while Mady beat me in go fish- again!

"Oh. I'm not so sure I want to play with you anymore when you just win all the time." I joked. "What are you looking at Mady?" Mady was leaning to the side looking at something behind my back. When I turned around and watched I noticed the door to the choir room. "That's the choir room I believe. It's where the new glee club have their meetings. There wasn't anything in there for several years I think before now when this guy from the library put up a new sing and dance club."

"There's a piano in there Benny!" She said, she didn't say it out loud but with the way she was saying it and the way she looked at me with those blue eyes I knew that she wanted me to take her, go in there and play for her. I hesitated- I wasn't so sure you were actually allowed to just go in there and play if you weren't a part of the glee club.

"Can you play me the song about that I'm beautiful?" Mady asked with her best please- do- that- for- me- voice. "Pretty please Benny." She pushed out her bottom lip and laid her head to the side, with her best puppy eyes and there probably wasn't any chance for me to tell her no, and even though I knew that I didn't gave her a straight answer yet. But when I saw the look in her eyes behind the puppy- eyes I knew what this was about.

"Mady?" I twisted a tress of her hair around my fingers and pulled it behind her ear for it not to get in her eyes. "Did someone at school call you something bad again? Did they call you ugly?" Mady didn't react for a few seconds before she nodded and now tears were shining in her eyes- I hated whoever had caused that.

"Come on then." I lifted Mady up on my hip. "I'll play to you. But don't listen to those bad guys okay? You are the most beautiful person I know, inside and out and outside and in. And you know I love you, and so does mum and dad." I felt the usual feeling as if someone had stabbed my heart at mentioning dad to Mady.

I sat down on the piano chair and lifted Mady down to sit next to me lifting the lock of the piano and lying my hands on the keys. "You're insecure…." I started playing. I had my slow, acoustic version of a song we both liked it. It was Mady's favorite band, I was not as obsessed with them as her but they were okay.

While I played I didn't notice that someone came into the room and stood behind us. I just continued playing the whole song with Mady sitting next to me and my voice echoing through the room along with the tones of the piano.

"Wow…" I jumped when someone behind me spoke and clapped his hands when I was done. "That was really good…" He sat down on a rolling chair and kicked himself over to sit by the piano and talk to me and Mady. "You love singing I can see!" I nodded. "I'm sorry for just barging in like this but… I would need another member in the glee club to make it an even number for you know- duets and stuff… would you consider joining it?"

"I'm very happy that you would think that Mr. But… I've already got enough on my plate without that."

"But Benny." Mady spoke up. "You should be in the glee club, you love singing and dancing and you always talk about that you wish you could do it more. And you would be the best on a stage." I sighed. "Come on Benny. You want to I know it." I sighed.

"I need to get my sister after school every day I told the guy who told me his name was Blaine and I was free to call him that. "I'm not so sure about this…" I should have known Mady would find a way to talk me into it.

"Can't I be here with you? Can't I Mr. Blaine?" Blaine nodded and assured me that she would be able to do that as long as she didn't interrupt our rehearsals. "And I won't do that. Please Benny, I'll be proud of you, and mum and dad will be so proud of you… And Benny… the boy you have got a crush on is in the glee club" I sighed- okay- she had done it again!

"Well" I began. "Why not give it a try? I can have some coloring books and toys in my locker at day that you will be able to play with if you're here okay? Would that be my audition what I just did or do you want me to do it again?" Blaine grimaced slightly and seemed to be wondering about how to do this.

It turned out to be so that everyone needed to audition in front of at least four people. And in some way it was decided that I and Mady would go with him home so I could audition in front of him, his husband and his parents like most of the others had done.

"Hello." When we stepped over the threshold a woman- possibly in her fifties came out in the hallway. "What's gives us the pleasure of this visit?" Blaine explained to her what was going and she kneeled in front of my sister first. "Hello honey, what is your name?" Mady seemed a bit shy and hide behind my leg.

"Hey, what's up with you?" I asked and patted her back. "You're never shy!" That actually wasn't true- even Mady was shy at first sometimes. "Well… do you want me to tell her your name?" Mady nodded towards my leg. "Well ma'am. I'm Benjamin Heedie, this is my sister Mady. Blaine brought us here so I could do a rule- right audition for the glee club."

"Oh, honey please just call me Carole. People calling me ma'am makes me feel older than my own grandmother- which I almost am by the way." I smiled, but as usual as for bad jokes Mady laughed so she almost choke and I stroke her hair and walked into a living room where Blaine showed me into and then went off to get his father in law and husband.

"Whoa." In the living room we were barely into the room when we were greeted by a brown fur- ball that came jumping up first on me then on Mady. I pushed her away but Mady was smaller and the dog was almost as tall as her standing on her back legs and stretching her front paws up she scratched Mady in the face with her claws.

"OW." Mady jumped away and hid behind me. I lifted her up and pushed away the dog. "Benny the dog hurt me." She whimpered, almost crying again. There was a long, red mark on the side of her face but as I checked it nothing seemed to be bleeding and the dog had been forced into the kitchen.

"I'm so sorry honey. Alice is so happy, she just wants to play with you." Mady nodded and leaned her head against my shoulder. "Did she hurt you much?" Mady shook her head just as the kitchen door opened and a man- probably as well somewhere in his fifties came into the room by the dog jumping and running and wanting attention. Carole sighed.

"Alice… calm down." She said strictly. "Here Mady, do you want to try and play with her? Mady nodded and took the toy Carole reached, when Alice started pulling I had to hold onto Mady when Alice started pulling the toy, and didn't realize that Carole had gotten up her cellphone and shot a photo of us three.

"Okay, so let's get to the audition." Blaine said coming into the room with another man about the same age with pale skin and chestnut colored hair. "Do you want to start Benjamin, here Mady, do you want to come and sit with us in the sofa?" Mady nodded and climbed up in the sofa next to Carole. "Oh I like your bracelet."

"I like my bracelet too" Mady studied the rainbow- colored bracelet she had made out of loom bands. "I can make one for you too. Benny's got one too because he's happy and some people doesn't want him to be happy" It was confusing for Mady when one thing meant two or more things- for her- gay meant happy.

"Oh you can?" Blaine asked and Mady nodded happily. "I would love one! What do you make them with?" Mady pulled off her Disney princesses backpack and pulled out a box with loombands. "Oh that's really fascinating"

"Don't open that box in here Mady. And I'm Gay Mady, gay… Oh well… I'm happy too." I sat down on the piano chair and saw the new girl from school come and sit down in the stairs just as I started with the first few notes, playing the same song as before- for the same person as before.

When I was playing, no matter for who it was, whether if I was playing guitar or the piano like this or just singing to the radio or by myself. I would get this feeling that I couldn't get doing anything else. And it was not what others was talking about that every problems seemed to disappear. It was more about that the problems were there, every time in my life when I had been singing for an important reason.

Singing with my dad and his friends, them drinking what I used to call bad drinks, and me drinking cola. Singing to my new- born sister to let her know that she was perfect even if the doctors said there was something wrong with her. In the hospital a year ago when dad was in a coma and no one knew what else to do.

They didn't actually make sense, but music gave me a chance to go through them all in a way that wasn't as hard as when I wasn't fixing with my music. And it just felt great, as if I was closer to it all- including closer to my dad than I was at other times.

"That is really good." Blaine said when I had let the last tone rang out. "Benjamin whatever your middle name is Heedie. Welcome to the glee club with no name yet." I smiled and laughed. Then looked to Mady who was sitting scratching the inside of Alice's ears at both side as Burt Hummel showed her to do and laughed slightly at her excitement for it.

"Benjamin." I turned around when I heard Carole's voice. "Would you two like to stay for dinner? It turns out I have made too much food for just the five of us again so it's either that or we will be eating chicken pie for every meal for days." I laughed, but hesitated about what to answer.

"I wouldn't want to be a burd…"

"Shush honey, you're not a burden. And if you were I wouldn't have brought it up." I scratched my neck- I couldn't help but feel that it would be nice to have a home- cooked meal for once for dinner instead of eggs, oatmeal or Portillo's as usual.

"Benny!" Mady started. "I think you should say yes, if I have to eat another egg for dinner then I will scream out loud. Is there a bathroom here somewhere?" Blaine got up and took her hand to show her to the bathroom. "Benny… I will scream!" I laughed- wasn't she cute my sister anyway?

"Well if you're sure. Then why not?"

"Benny?" Mady began when we were eating. "Will mummy be home when we come home?" I looked away and tried to seem like I didn't actually care about her questions- I knew which one was coming next and it ripped my heart out and stomped on it every time she asked- and I absolutely hated the answer I had to give my sister.

"No Mads, she have to work."

"Will daddy be home then?" I almost chocked on a piece of chicken.

"No Mady. Daddy's away on a long trip remember?" Mady nodded and hung her head, I hated the way I almost felt like I had to say more, before she asked me when he would come home and I wouldn't know what to answer.

Because how was I supposed to look my sister in the eyes and tell her that daddy wasn't going to come back?

**Keagan POV **

"SERIOUSLY?" I and Bradon heard Lea- Marie Hale who stood with Mr. Blaine outside the choir room on Friday afternoon. "Okay, the only thing that would have been worse than being like a nerd doing a duet with a teacher was Horrid Heedie, that son of the flipping stripper or whatever she is- come on. Rumors about him are all over town, if I do it with him they're going to find things about me as well."

"Poor guy." I continued walking with Bradon. "I don't get why she have to act like that to everyone. Can't she just be like everyone else and be happy with whatever she gets. And besides, I know that Benjamin a little- and I'd have it with him a hundred times rather than I would have it with her once."

"Well. She for sure is really spoilt." Bradon put his book in his bag. "Sorry… I wasn't listening really… Well… we've been back in school for a little while so how is it going?" I wondered for a bit, well. Most of it were going well. But there was that one essay!

"So we have one more week to work on that assignment Mr. Jackson gave us." I turned around to walk backwards and look at my best friend Bradon while we were talking. "And it's been several days and I still have no idea about what to write about. It's so annoying, my creativity is just standing still…. Don't laugh Bradon, it's not you who wants to write this stupid essay." I pouted like a little child.

"Why don't just write about what it's like living like a transgender in today's community?" Bradon raised an eyebrow at me. Ugh Bradon's so boring sometimes. Writing about that would be what everyone expected of me- I just wanted to do something else and something that they didn't expect. And that's what I told Bradon.

"We need to pass town going home." I told Bradon when we left the school. "I haven't bought candy for tonight yet." Bradon laughed again. "What, there's nothing funny with my movie- and- loads- of- candy- Friday- night- tradition." I turned around again and walked next to Bradon instead of in front of him, scared of walking into something if I continued walking backwards.

"I gotta pick something up at the post for my mum first." I nodded at Bradon. "We can walk there first right? I think it closes soon." I nodded, and walked up at the street. "Or wait. You go that way, I'll go this way, and then we'll meet here in fifteen minutes." I nodded, and jogged down the road towards the supermarket.

Passing around the corner I saw a truck standing on the side of the road. I didn't care much for it, but almost right away I saw a pair of legs. Right at the pavement there was a stair up to the supermarket and the books' store. But that was always there so I didn't care for that- no what I cared about was what I could see behind the truck.

I first though there was someone sitting on the stair because I only saw the legs, the rest of the body of the person was hidden behind the truck. Then I realized that if the person was just sitting- she or he was sitting in a real uncomfortable way.

I started walking a little faster to come there sooner and when I was close enough to look past the truck's back I could see it was a woman, possible around seventy years old, she laid with her arm at the highest stair, holding her body up and with her legs down on the lowest and the ground below. I looked up and watched people just passing by- how long had she been lying here?

I looked to the woman- she obviously had fallen. I looked around, why was no one helping her? She must have been lying here before I came up on the main street and God knows how long before that. I looked up again. There were people passing by, glancing at the old woman that silently laid looking around her. Maybe she was just sitting like that…

I looked at her, she met my eyes and continued meeting them all the while, while I walked by. "Maybe someone else is going to help" I thought almost walking by. "Oh come on Keagan, don't just leave it be. You're not better than anyone else just walking by. What's the worst that could happen? Worse than you beating yourself up for not doing anything?"

At last, almost having walked past her I turned around and bent down by her. "Is everything alright?"

"I don't know."

"Do you need help?"

"Oh… you shall not help me. You who are such a handsome young man." I couldn't help but smile.

"Does it hurt anywhere?" I asked and pulled the backpack over both of my shoulders. I was trying to decide if it would be the best to call an ambulance, maybe she was seriously hurt!

"I'm not so sure. I've fallen."

"Do you think you can get up if I'm helping you." The woman didn't look as if she was sure about that. "Well it's worth a try isn't it? Come on." I stepped up on the stairs to get behind her and get a good grip under her arms so I could support her.

"Do you guys need some help?" Just as the woman turned around a group of three people came from the resturant on the other side of the road. I looked to the woman, she answered them no. They walked away but I saw them turn around and glance at us while they walked down the road as if they wanted to check if they should help or not.

"So are you alright then?" I asked when she was up and she nodded. "Okay…" I looked to my watch- Bradon would already be waiting for me now but I had something else on my mind and ran down the street and to the corner where Bradon was waiting. "Bradon, Bradon. Can I come home with you at first? I have got an idea for this essay and I need to write it as soon as possible before I've forgotten about it again."

Bradon barely had the time to answer me yes before I grabbed his shirt and started running down the street. Bradon lived closer to town than what I did but it still felt like ages before I and Bradon- him more out of breath than what I was ran up on the Fredericks' driveway and up to their house. Bradon headed for the showers but I threw myself down by the desk in Bradon's room and grabbed the first empty paper and pen I found and started writing.

I loved these moments of just… when I didn't even had to think about what I was writing and all the arguments just seemed to get on the paper by themselves, Bradon had to sit waiting for a long while after coming out from the shower but still it only felt like ten minutes before I wrote the ending and I eyed through it

_Today I was out on town. I came up on the main street by the bus station. And almost right away something caught my eye. Behind a truck, there is someone sitting or lying on the porch steps outside the supermarket. _

_When I came closer can see the person is a woman, she's old. About seventy- something. She is lyin with her legs on the pavement under the stairs and is holding herself up with her arm towards the highest stair. She wasn't able to get up by herself and I- like any other person with a conscience and a bit of common sense, walked over there and asked her if she needed help. _

_During the few minutes I stood there and helped her there came a group on three people and wondered if we needed help. When the woman said it wasn't needed they still stood right by and kept an eye on us. But the rest of all people then? Because as I said this was happening on the main street- it cannot be empty can it? _

_Yeah, the rest of all of the people they pass by. Barely even look at me and the woman and if they do they are probably staring. They pretend not to hear, keep on hurrying towards one for me unknown goal. They have obviously been both blind and deaf for people's need of help and suffering of the influence of today's community. And are pretending as if they neither see nor hear. _

_During the time I started helping this woman. She said in the hoarse tone that old people often has that- "You shall not help me. You who are such handsome man." I'm mentioning this not because I want someone to agree or not. But it is by these kind of compliments that you kind of get that what you're doing actually means something. _

_And wouldn't you want to feel that what you just did actually meant something. For one single person. Instead of just acting so damaged by today's community and only concentrate on yourself and your goal, you can do a small, fast but oh so meaningful act. I know what I would choose_

_What will you choose? _

I looked up and handed it to Bradon. He read through it and then looked up at me. "You know Keags… this is actually good. Did you really do this by the way? I mean helping that woman?" I nodded. "So that's why you didn't have any Friday candy when we met!" I nodded and now when the essay was written I hung my head and acted as if I was really sad over that.

"Bradon… I'm ordering Chinese for dinner. Look at the menu and decide what you want. Oh hey Keagan." I greeted her. "Do you want to stay for dinner too?" I didn't have the time to answer- or even make up my mind before she continued. "You could ask your dad to come too. The more the merrier and after all it's only Friday dinner one time a week."

"Okay…" I said at last. "But I'm paying for my own food. I'll call my dad." Alma would do for a couple of extra hours before I came to take care of her for today. "Oh hey dad…" I started talking to my dad watching Bradon riffling through the menu. Even though we probably both knew already what he was going to choose- he always chose the same thing.

"And, surprise, surprise… I'm going to go with fried chicken." He handed me the menu and eyed through the menu while I said goodbye to my dad. "I suppose, that as usual you will be a bit more daring than me and go with something new?" I nodded and continued reading one crazy thing after the other out loud to Bradon.

"Hello Princess." Alex came into the room and I sighed at his usual nickname for me- and I absolutely hated the nickname. "Have you changed your body yet?" I sighed- I must have explained a thousand times that one, I was going to do it but two, I'd have to turn eighteen first. So instead of saying it again I sighed and continued reading the menu and didn't even look up when Alex left the room.

"So, Bradon…" I looked up when he had left. "Maybe I'll go with something completely crazy like fried octopus!"

**Sharon POV **

"Alex. I need to talk to you." I said, not being able to stop walking back and forth. "Do you remember… what we did? Well. It was a mistake. And usually, mistakes have consequences, well. This one have a huge consequence. I think you can guess what thinking about what we did that night. But I need to tell you, there is no way to tell you that will be easier than the other. So I'm just going to say it… I'm pre… UGH"

I threw myself down on my bed and stared up in the ceiling, pulling my beanie off and then my hand through my short, red hair. I wasn't sure for how long I laid like that, glancing up at the numbers which the digital alarm clock lit up in the ceiling, it was Friday afternoon and even though I mostly would be spending my Friday afternoons with loads of crisps, nice dinner with mum and my aunt and a movie. I didn't really feel like doing that anyway- which was good since this was the only time this week Dakota Lopez had the time to rehearse- and we needed to rehearse both this week and next if we were going to have a duet ready in time.

I sighed, mum came into the room and wondered if I wanted to call the doctor's myself for a checkup just to be sure that I actually was pregnant and it wasn't just some scare with a messed up test. I shook my head- she could call, she was better with talking on the phone than what I was- I'd only lose my thread and get stressed out and then mess it all up anyways. So it was probably the best she did it.

The clock kept on going, I heard mum talking out in the kitchen, the clock passed five and the time that Dakota had said he would come. It passed ten minutes past, twenty. And at last at half past five I heard a knock on the door. Mum was still talking on the phone and for some reason she sounded annoyed, so I pushed myself up and walked out in the hallway.

"Hey." Dakota stood out on the porch steps. "I know I'm late, not a big deal. Can we just get on with this now?" I nodded and stepped away from the door so he could step inside. I knew that the cardigan I wore was slouchy and that didn't actually matter because the fact that I was pregnant wasn't showing yet- at least not to anyone who didn't know already.

But I still couldn't help to make sure that the shirt was hanging on my shoulders in the just right way so even if I would have gotten bigger so much it was actually visible even if people didn't actually know… it would all be covered by the over- sized cardigan. Dakota had come in and stood in the hallway looking around.

"So are we just going to stand out here in the hallway or?" He asked quite rudely. I shook my head and showed him down the hallway and into my room where I sat down on my bed and showed Dakota to sit down in my desk chair where he sat down and put his backpack on the floor next the chair.

"I…" I began talking, but was interrupted when the door to my room opened and mum came in without knocking. "Mum…" I tried telling her not to just start talking because I could guess what it was but she didn't listen and started talking straight away.

"Ugh, the doctor have got some guy who is at a work experience at his. And I tried to tell him that we would rather have it just being him. But he just wouldn't let him and told that his student… some guy named Diego Lopez… and so you will be going to him no matter how much I tried to convince the doctor that he should take…"

"MUM" I shouted and stood up, spinning her around so she saw Dakota who sat by my desk. His mouth had dropped open and he sat and looked from me, to mum, to me, to mum, to me… and by the look in his eyes he was thinking really hard and even though none of us had mentioned why I was going to the doctors'… I might still be able to fix this.

Of course it hadn't crossed my mind that the doctor's student had the same last name as Dakota. "Mum… out!" Without another word I forced mum to spin around again and pushed her outside throwing my door closed after her. "It… it's just for a checkup." I stuttered. "I have been having a bit of these headaches lately and we just want to check it up so it's nothing serious."

"Diego Lopez is my brother." Dakota looked… well in fact he almost looked disgusted. "And he's on a work experience… to become and OBGYN. Oh Holey F*CK" He seemed to realize something and stood up and looked out my window with hands behind his head. "Mrs. Fischer... is there any chance you could leave me and Sharon alone for a moment. I need to talk to her alone!"

Mum squeezed my hand with hers and then walked out of my room. "Her name is Daniels. Fischer is my dad's name." I said, mostly to just have anything to talk about and because it was a habit. "Dakota…. What are you doing?" He had kneeled down and opened his backpack, pouring out what was in it over my bedroom floor.

"I found… I found a pregnancy test. It's positive and I found it in school." He grabbed a rolled up plastic bag. "It's yours isn't it?" I thought back to looking for if the corner. I nodded and he handed me the bag that I felt had the test in it. I didn't exactly know what to do with it. So I put it in one of the drawers of my desk and pushed it as far in as possible.

"Who's the father?" Dakota asked. I hesitated. I barely knew this guy he didn't really have anything to do with who I had had sex and ended up like this with! "Okay… okay… you don't have to tell me! Does he know?" I hesitated again, then shook my head just slightly at his question. "How do you think he's going to react?" I shrugged, then slumped down on my bed and answered for real.

"I don't know. I'm pretty sure that he'll just cut contact and not want anything to do with it." I wasn't so sure why I told him. But as usual I freaking spoke before I thought. "That's why I'm so nervous of telling him, and besides I didn't know myself until just a few days ago." The room fell silent for a while, then Dakota spoke again.

"I want to know how he reacts." I frowned and looked up at him- he didn't really have anything to do with this. "And if it's so that he doesn't want anything to do with this. Then I'll be here… and I will care for this baby, and for you of course. As if I was the father and the baby was mine." I frowned again- well he was a bit creepy wasn't he?

"I know you think I'm creepy for doing this when we barely know each other. But I grew up in a household with one parent. And even if I have had an awesome childhood and I love my dad and all of my brothers. Every child needs one male and one female "Adult" at least to turn to when it's needed." I couldn't help but smile. Say what you want about Dakota- but he could be sweet couldn't he?

I heard a slight knock on the door and mum opened it. "I know this is a bad time, but dinner's finished and we need to eat before it's gotten cold. Dakota would you like to stay? We're having salmon!" Dakota suddenly looked afraid and looked up at my mum grabbing his backpack and throwing things into it again.

"I'm really sorry Mrs. Fisch… Daniels… But I'm very, very, very allergic to fish. And I need to leave now before my throat starts closing up from smelling it. Goodbye." He hurried out of my room and then ran down the hallway.

"Well… at least we're lucky I told him…" Mum said and came down to sit by me and took my hand. "I heard what he said. He's a good guy. But be careful okay honey? Until you know him better at least? And you also need to tell Alex. Because he is not a good guy and it will only get worse the longer you tell him."

**Carole POV **

"…And here." I handed Blaine the money. "And seriously, don't forget the bread for Christie. And do not try and buy some other kind which is cheaper or whatever. Because now when Christie's living here we need that even though it's quite expensive to actually be able to feed her dinner" I gave him the grocery list. "Are you sure it's okay. Shouldn't I come with you anyway?" Blaine shook his head and grabbed his jacket.

"I'm fine!" Blaine moaned about me. "I'll call if I've got some questions or anything. Don't worry! Bye." I backed towards the kitchen door when Blaine left and then just walked back into the kitchen. I knew the boys were sometimes by it. But with both Kurt, Blaine and now also Christie in the house it was kind of nice to have someone to fuss over again.

"Oh good morning honey." I greeted when Kurt came into the kitchen. "Are you okay? It's not like you to sleep in, especially since I've already had the time to send off Blaine to the grocery store." Kurt nodded and opened the cupboard to get what he needed for his breakfast. "Which he definitely shouldn't be back for already- and especially not without those groceries!"

I continued- mostly jokily when Blaine came walking down the driveway which must have been barely five minutes since he left. "Carole." He stated when he came in and he had a weird expression. "Yes, yes, I know. I'm sorry I'll go back to the store and get those thing but… I met Bradon and his mum outside the grocery store and we started talking and…"

"And what?" Blaine hadn't finished the sentence.

"And it came out that I'm still wondering about the name for the glee club and Bradon… he came up with one and it's just… It's just perfect and…. Wow! But… But I want your approval to it." I frowned- why would he need that? And that's what I asked him. "Well… Bradon had come up with the idea with someone who… I'd like to call it Finn's Army"

"Honey." I said calmly to Blaine who seemed nervous as if I would get angry at him for this. "That sounds like a wonderful name for your glee club but are you sure? After all this glee club is yours and not his." Christie stood by the table and had been standing with her back against us but now turned around and looked first to me and then to Blaine.

"I don't think it should be called Finn's army!" She said callously.

"Why not?" Blaine asked a bit confused. "I think it sounds like a wonderful name and after all. Finn is a big part as of why I am doing this." Christie hesitated and I walked closer and looked her into the eyes- it was hard- it broke my heart how much they looked like Finn's- and my dad's.

"Well, everyone are always going on about Finn and how he was such an amazing person and everything. But the thing was he did loads of things that weren't that much of an amazing person, you know he did things that weren't amazing."

I felt anger boiling up inside of me… it would have if anyone was saying anything bad about Finn. But Christie- she and Finn had been best friends. "He wasn't always a good person that everyone are remembering."

"Christie… I can see there's something…" I tried, because I knew the look on her face- it was exactly the one Finn would have when there was something he had tried to keep a secret. God- why did they have to look so much alike?

"Okay… well… Finn he always told me…" Christie silent and then she looked up and looked me sternly into the eyes. Hers had gone almost black. "He promised he'd be there. He promised he would be there until in the end and then he just left…"

"He couldn't control that and you know that."

"HE LEFT CAROLE. HE LEFT YOU. HE LEFT US. HE LEFT ME WHEN HE PROMISED HE WOULD BE THERE. A GOOD PERSON DOESN'T DO THAT. TELL ME ONE THING IN THAT WOULD HAVE MADE HIM A GOOD PERSON BECAUSE THAT IS NOT WHAT A GOOD PERSON DOES THEY DON'T JUST LEAVE!"

I wasn't exactly sure what I was doing. I acted with everything had gone black because I just couldn't think straight at all. Then the sound seemed to echoing between the walls and woke me up. My palm burned and Christie had stepped away, the angry almost black look in her eyes- had turned into a scared and somewhat ashamed expression.

What had I done?

**So, what Keagan wrote for the essay. I actually wrote that- almost all of that, on Facebook after helping an old man getting on his feet out at town and what Keagan does and thinks and what the woman does is all based on what happened to me this summer, only difference is that I helped an old man and he called me a beautiful woman not a handsome man… if he had called me that I probably wouldn't helped him anymore! Oh, and the fact that I wrote it on Facebook while Keags used it for that essay. **


	12. Him or her

**So, well… the poem mentioned in this chapter- it's called look at you- I wrote it and it's under my stories on my profile. If you want you can go read it, but it's not necessary. **

**Carole POV **

The time seemed to almost stand still and everything seemed to move in slow motion. Someone grabbed my shirt from behind and pulled me backwards. But that wouldn't have been necessary because as I started realizing what I had done there was no way I was doing it again.

"Blaine," I heard Kurt's voice behind me. "Get my dad. Now!" Kurt let go of my shirt. "Carole… calm down."

"Oh Christie I…" I began. "I am so, so sorry…. I didn't… I couldn't…" Christie stepped away further with her hand on her cheek and then span around so fast her long, brown hair flew around her and without another word ran out of the room and then I heard the front door of the house slam just as I heard Burt's heavy footsteps down the stairs and my knees buckled under me so I sunk down onto the floor between the cupboards, the fridge and the door to Burt's office.

"Carole." The thoughts were spinning in my head and I was playing the last few moments over and over in my head to try and find a possible excuse for what I had done. And my thoughts had gone so loud I could barely hear what was going on, yet Burt's voice broke through the voices in my head and sat down on the floor by me to pull me onto his lap.

The boys left the room and I heard the pitter patter of Alice's claws as she came closer and then lied down right by me so close some of the tears that dripped down from my cheeks landed in her fur before she sat up and started licking them away.

"I…" I began. "I can't believe I…" My voice broke. For the moment I was more of an emotional wreck than of my usual self. "I didn't… I feel sick!" I tried to push myself up but Burt held me still and more or less forced me to look him in the eyes.

"Honey… you need to calm down." He said, his voice sounding just as calmly as it ever did. "You can't even think clear when you're all like this and that's' not going to help anyone. Come on… breathe with me okay." He moved around me and hugged me from behind so I could feel his chest moving up and down with every breath towards my back.

It was easier said than done to just calm down with everything- but it slowly helped and as I calmed down the thoughts spinning in my head started making sense both one by one and along with each other. But I just still couldn't believe what I had done. It must have happened at least a million times that Finn had done things that made me angry or someone else for that matter- I would never ever have as much as put a finger on them for harm but yet… I had on Christie.

"I can't believe I just slapped her like that." I mumbled, more to myself than to Burt or anyone else. "I just…" I silent when I heard the door into the hallway open and close again and there was no way I could be mistaken with the sound of Christie's footsteps through the living room and up the stairs. "I need to go talk to her."

It took all of my willpower to stand up and slowly walk up to Finn's old room. I totally wasn't ready to do this, risk was that I'd be so ashamed after all of this that I couldn't even look at her. But still, when there wasn't an answer from inside the room when I knocked I still opened the door and walked in.

"Hey honey." Christie sat curled up on her bed in the corner where two of the walls met. As she looked up at me her eyes weren't shining from anger, shame or fear like it had done before. Back was that callous mask that she pulled on for God knows what almost all the time whenever and wherever. "Hold on I'm just going to get something."

I walked backwards out of my room and got some papers out of the drawers of my bedside table and then walked back. "Look here." I held the papers in front of her. "I wrote this poem not too long after Finn's funeral." I sighed and searched for one certain verse. "Look, you are mentioned there." I pointed to the right verse.

"I did in this poem bring up so many memories of Finn and everything and you know… not all of them were good." I handed the papers with my poem over to Christie. "But still… Finn you know… he chose to let go of what was hard and forgive and forget if he could." I scratched the back of my head and tried to come up with what to say next.

"And I do know someone else who is very like him at those points." I looked to Christie and didn't look away to show her I meant herself. But she still seemed like she didn't react- well that would have been to anyone else. I who knew her so well-even better with those eyes could see that something had changed.

"I know he hurt you Chris. I know that he promised he'd be there but I also know that you know that he couldn't really control all of that. And I also know that you're trying to be angry with him…. I know… I tried being angry with him too, and I know you Chris!" Christie looked away from me and took an old blanket that I and Finn had given her when she was little. "Oh… you've still got Owly!"

Attached to the soft blanket there was a stuffed owl holding onto it. And Christie clenched one hand around that and the other around the blanket and held it to her cheek, a sight that just made my heart melt.

"Chris I…" I tried to stroke her other cheek, but she pulled away from me and I lowered my hand. "I know how you get when you're angry… and I know how I get when I am angry and I just black out and say and do things I would never do… You might remember Finn did that too!" Christie took the papers I had given her and riffled through them.

"Chris…" She looked up at me and met my green eyes with her brown, it might have been that that was the reaction I wanted. But this moment was too rough on me also without seeing Finn's eyes in front of me again so I had to look away. And that's when I remembered something Tess- Christie's mum had told me a few weeks ago.

"Christie's changed lately… she's so… well I don't know what to call it really! And as soon as Stephen mentions Finn or Christopher she just shuts off. It's like she… well I don't know really! It's like she feels angry for being named after Christopher or having those eyes… I can't for my life understand why!"

I could… well I guess could understand a little part of it. "Chris." I stroke her shoulder, but she see had put up all of those walls again. "I love you… I love you! Not those eyes, not that name… I love you… Because you are you, and you are so very important to me."

"How can you love me when everything you see when you look me in the eyes is Finn?"

**Lea- Marie POV **

On Sunday morning I lied in my bed probably a few hours after I should have been awake and out of bed. My dad had once again set up a time he'd told me to be in the kitchen with him and Marion to get to tell me what I already knew. It was half an hour ago, but I just… I just didn't want to hear it yet and when I heard my dad's heavy steps towards my room and up the stairs I pretended to be sleeping.

"Lea, honey." Dad came up the stairs and called out for me, but I kept my eyes closed and the covers up to my chin pretending to be asleep. "Lea." I heard his footsteps coming closer and then felt the mattress move under me when he came and sat down by me.

"Lea…" I felt him pushing out tresses of hair that laid in my eyes, and I pretended to wake up. "Good morning honey… well, good day actually. It's almost noon." He leaned down and placed a kiss on my forehead. "Marion is here, she and I need to talk to you about something so could you come downstairs yeah?"

I didn't answer him at first, and then nodded. I supposed that no matter how little I wanted to face the truth I would have to face it sooner or later. Then I pushed my covers off and forced my dad out of the room before I pulled out a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans shorts out of my wardrobe and went into the bathroom to get changed.

"Here." When I came downstairs and into the kitchen dad was just placing a glass of orange juice on the table. "I made you some bre… brunch I guess." I sat down at my usual spot by the table and automatically started chewing on a piece of toast while I glared unstoppably towards Marion.

"Lea- Marie." Dad said with a very serious tone in is voice and I looked away from Marion and turned to him. "Well… I think someone woke up on the wrong side today… well, well. Now when we've finally got the time and everything, there is something very important I and Marion have got to tell you." I sighed and put the toast down.

"So when are you just going to tell me that Marion is pregnant and I'm going to have a half brother or sister?"

"How did you find out?" I just raised an eyebrow at her and shook my head- had they really thought that I would miss it? What did they think I was? Stupid- well if someone here was stupid it was themselves.

"Lea…" Dad started. "Marion asked you a question."

"Questa é una domanda stupida" I said that it was a stupid question in Italian so Marion wouldn't understand. Dad sighed and looked almost like he would if he was on the verge of giving up- which maybe he was as well.

"Well…" Dad continued. "You already found that out but there was a few other things as well." Dad cleared his throat. "I… of course, I would like to do that while we can. So I and Marion have talked about it and we have decided that she will be moving in here with us."

I had guessed that so was the case, even though I had pushed the thought away and right now dad could just as well have dropped a bomb. I flew up on my feet, pushed down the plate and glass from the table in an angry gesture and then turned around and stomped up the stairs to the third floor and into my room.

I slumped down on my bed, lied down and stared into the wall. Didn't look up- not as much as flinched when I heard dad coming up the stairs and into the room where he once again came and sat down behind me and laid a hand on my shoulder.

"É come se ti stessi dimenticando di lei." Dad sighed, saying whatever that would as much as give a hint on that he would be forgetting my mum I knew it broke his heart. But it wasn't that I regretted saying it. I wanted dad to feel at least a smidge of what I felt with all of this- make him hurt like I did hurt.

"Lea- Marie." Dad sighed. "It's what your mother would have wanted!"

"What? For you to forget everything about her and meet another?"

"No…. No of course not. Mio Caro, I would never forget about your mother. I could never love anyone like I loved her and no one have or will ever take her place. When she died I didn't think I would be able to love anything except for her ever again but… then I met Marion and… she lit some of those lights that your mother knew how to light up."

I didn't answer him, was afraid that if I said anything I would only make myself seem too emotional and touched by everything than to seem angry at my dad and his stupid girlfriend. And I didn't look at him because if I did he would see the tears glittering in my eyes.

"And the same goes with that baby and you. If I have another child it doesn't mean I will love you any less because I will love you just as much as I ever did" For a second dad started humming on an Italian lullaby. "But it hurts me that the people I love the most cannot love each other." Dad sighed and his voice was sounding hoarser and weaker for every word. "But Lea… can you please just try and give Marion a chance?"

I sighed, I would probably never admit it but a big part of me just wanted to turn around and embrace my dad and promise him that I was going to, truthfully and tell him that everything was going to be alright.

But so was it that part speaking louder than any other voice, the one that refused to let me admit that I was wrong. Told me that if I answered him yes and promised, hugged him and wanted to do what he wanted to heal then it was only me who was being weak. And therefore I just kept quiet.

"Lea- Marie, can you sit up for a bit?" I sighed, dried the tears and sat up. Dad had been holding one hand in a pocket on his blazer and now pulled it up and I knew what was going on. "Darling, I love Marion. I love her so, very much and when your mother died I thought I'd never feel even close to this again. And that's why I want to ask her to marry me."

I closed my eyes slowly. No, no, no, no, no. Turn back time! Make him not say what he just said! There was no way this could be happening and especially not to me. I opened my eyes again but dad was still holding that little box in his hand.

"But if you're not willing to give her a chance then I don't want to do it. Because you are more important than anything else in my life and I wouldn't stand doing anything that hurt you." I sighed. "But please Lea. Marion does mean so much to me and I don't want to lose her."

I wanted to answer him yes, I wanted to answer him no. I lowered my head and then looked up and met dad's eyes. They looked so… there was just no doubt that he was hurt of all of this and I just couldn't answer him no. While I couldn't answer him yes either.

"Okay." I answered at last, brainstorming for what to do now and dad drew a relieved breath and then laid an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to himself, playing with my hair with his other hand- just like he had used to do on my mum- and on me ever since my hair got long enough to play with it when I was little.

But I knew what I had to do. There was no way I would give in just like that and there was no way I was giving that woman a chance. And there was no way I was letting my dad just forget everything about my mum and letting that happen right in front of my eyes.

I had hated America since the moment I came here, so this would be the best moment to return to Italy, leave America behind and run away.

**Belle POV **

"Yattebra" I tried to say the word like Seth had done. "Ya- Yettebra." Seth snorted with laughter. I- well I was wondering what on earth I was saying. "Come on Seth, what on earth am I saying?" Seth took a deep breath trying to stop laughing.

"Well, jättebra is actually two words." He cleared his throat. "Jätte by itself means giant."

"SETH…. I DID NOT WANT THAT PICTURE IN MY HEAD!" I threw my head backwards and put my hand over my eyes as if that would help to get the picture that Seth had given me out of my head. "Okay… since you said earlier that it kind of was one word… what does bra mean in Swedish?"

"Jätte can also be used for a word to kind of… make an adjective stronger, kind of like really or very. And bra means good in Swedish." Seth pulled his hand through the back of his hair. "So it basically means very good. Even though it sounds like something completely different when you understand English and not Swedish."

Seth had trouble saying the last part as he started laughing while he was talking. And it was upon one minute until we both had calmed down enough to talk to each other again and then I asked Seth for more of those he talked about when one thing meant different things in different languages. Since Seth spoke two languages fluently he had a number of them.

"Well… this one isn't in between English and Swedish but… do you remember I said Swedish and Norwegian are quite similar?" I nodded. "Well… Swedes have this word which is basically a slang for öl which means beer. And the same word in Norwegian means." Seth started laughing. "Oh sorry… hrm, it means poop! So you can imagine for yourself what might happen if a Swedish guy wants to ask a Norwegian guy about a beer and wants to be a bit cool with using slang."

"Oh no!" I broke down again and close to screamed with laughter. "Oh…" I cleared my throat in an attempt to be able to speak between the laughing fits. "That would just be so very wrong." Seth's mum Laura came and knocked the door and then came poking her head through the doorway.

"I hear screaming… is everything alright in here? Does anyone need a doctor?"

"YES HER"

"YES HIM" I and Seth shouted and pointed to each other at the exact same time. "NO, NOT ME- YOU" We shouted the same again. Laura just laughed and shook her head, looking from me sitting by the foot on Seth's bed to her adoptive son slumped down in the fat boy.

"And, this one's a classic." Seth started again. "In a plane crash it's not the fart that kills you it's the smell!" I broke down again as well as Seth and there must have been a couple of minutes before we could stop enough for Seth to speak again.

"It's supposed to be car crash actually but… you know." Seth sighed and glanced towards the words written on his wall. "Just breathe, life goes on." I bit my lip and wasn't so sure about what to say or do- Seth's biological parents had died in a car crash when he was little- he wasn't in it but he had been in the one when he was ten and had a car crash with his adoptive dad where he lost his leg.

"You alright?" I asked, Seth looked up from a photo he held onto and placed it back up on the dresser. Then nodded, and I was just on my way to say something when Jess- Seth's adoptive sister came into the room.

"I'm going swimming." She adjusted the shoulder strap of her bag. "You were going to Milton center today right? Because if you are maybe we could just go together!" I nodded and pulled on the jacket I had had lying underneath me while Seth made sure his prosthetic leg was all covered by slacks and his shoe.

"Dad…" Hunter Phillips came out in the hallway. "I'm going to eat dinner with Mara. Do you want me to pay for the food myself or…" Hunter shook his head and searched his pockets for cash that he later handed to his daughter, ruffled Seth's hair a bit and then left the room to go into the house.

Milton center was a rehab center for soldiers in the army, that came back form places I barely new the names of and couldn't go right home. I and Seth had found a flier that if anyone wanted to come with some sort of entertainment that was worth showing to the mostly retired soldiers and then an e- mail address and a few phone numbers. And I and Seth had decided to do what we could to help.

Elizabeth- one of the women who worked at the center showed me and Seth around for a bit and then showed us to the main . And I couldn't help to look around at first, watch each and every one of the people sitting around the room- some in arm chairs and sofas spread around- and some others in wheelchairs.

My dad had come home from Afghanistan when I was four years old for the last time. Hurt and retired- although honorably he turned to alcohol and… well. I didn't remember what my dad had been like before that but I'd have Lenny and my mum told me about it. And he had definitely changed for the worse- loads worse.

"So" Elizabeth began. "I think you'd be the best if you just walk around and introduce yourself today. And then next week you can come and play music so you just go around and talk to the people here… none of them bites too often so don't be shy."

Seth looked around the room and walked over to a group of men who were playing chess, I looked around more carefully. Most of the veterans around the room were men- everyone except one. A woman who sat in a wheelchair by the window staring emptily in front of her.

"Oh, that's Megan. She came in here only a few days ago… she haven't spoken a word to anyone since she came here. We try and sit talk to her and so but… well you could give it a try but don't hope for too much." Elizabeth walked away and I turned in the other direction and walked down and jumped up to sit in the window frame.

"Hey…" I tried, and decided to say just whatever came to mind. "My name is Belle Jolie. Elizabeth told me yours is Megan. But I didn't get a last name so do you want me to call you Megan or ma'am or what?"

Megan didn't answer, she just sat there staring right in front of me but I noticed she held a photo in her hand and looking closer at it I saw that it was of her, holding a boy maybe three or four years old on her hip and them both smiling.

"Oh he's beautiful. Is he your son?" Megan didn't answer now either. "Actually… he does look a bit like my brother did when he was little. Well…" I let hear a short laugh. "Except for that that Lenny is black and this boy is white but they do look a whole lot like each other." Still no answer and I bit my lip just as I felt my phone buss in my pocket.

"I'm sorry, I've got to take this." I walked out of the room and into a hallway that seemed empty and answered my phone. "What is it dad?.. Seth." I walked up to Seth after hanging up. "I've got to go home. My dad fell with his wheelchair again and he can't get up."

"Oh Seth?" Right outside I moaned when Seth came catching up with me. "You don't need to… you were really looking forward to this." Seth just smiled and clapped my shoulder.

"Come on girl... I mean…. I am your totally best male friend- and one of those could come in handy helping an old man up from the floor couldn't they?"

**Martina POV **

On Sunday dad had gone out for dinner with some of his friends and I was left home alone until Esme was coming over for us two to look over some songs that might be doing for the duets. I was very picky with music and rarely liked anything that wasn't or wasn't close to country. I also hoped that we could do that because I knew it suited my voice.

I went to the kitchen and grabbed a root beer from the fridge. My dad was obsessed with this drink and I could only grab one when he wasn't home and he'd never notice. I thought it was yet another half hour until Esme would arrive and that was why I jumped high when there was a knock on the door and even if I weren't to complain was surprised when I recognized the brown color of Esme's hair through the blurred window in the front door.

"Hey…" Esme was all out of breath as if she had been running. "I'm sorry… I'm a bit early but… but I was supposed to go to the store and get a few things before I came here but just as I saw this snake and then I just ran the rest of the way… Thanks" I stepped to the side so she could walk inside and then closed the door.

Even though it was only us two in the whole house I showed Esme through the whole hallway at the ground floor and into my room in the end of it instead of just being in the kitchen or the living room. I liked my room the best… I hated hearing the cars from the road outside because as soon as there came someone I heard drove too fast- I couldn't help but imagine them getting into an accident.

And since everyone knew there were no one driving or walking on the street here, that it was a road going just straight and everything… there were loads of people driving too fast here.

"Do you want a root beer?" I held up my can. "We've got loads!" Esme answered me yes please so I walked back into the kitchen and got one for her. "You can sit down in the chair or on the bed you know." When I came back Esme had sat down on the floor. "You don't have to sit on the floor!"

"I'm good here actually. Thanks." She reached out to take the can I reached her and when her sleeve was pulled up I couldn't help but notice that there were scars from cutting on her wrists, and she couldn't help but notice that I had noticed. "Oh." She pulled down the sleeve again. "I… So have you thought of any songs?"

"I…" I pulled myself back to the present after remembering the always so happy person Esme used to be when I spent much time at theirs to be with Katrina. "Well… I did have a few suggestions! By the way… when Mr. Blaine said that we were to choose someone we didn't know I turned to you straight away… isn't it kind of weird that you and I barely know each other with all of those days I spent at yours along with Kat?"

"It totally is!" Esme agreed with me. "But I have barely met you since your m…" When I realized Esme was going to mention my mum and what had happened to her I just wanted to change the subject and to fix something I stood up, pushing down my Twilight- saga- book- series form my bedside table. "Oh… I should have been able to guess you were into twilight!"

Swearing under my breath I kneeled down to pick up the books. "Yes, what about you?"

"Not too much. They're okay though. Speaking about reading have you read the fault in our stars? You know that one you were always complaining about how everyone were reading it and always so annoyed by when you came here…." I blushed and looked down at the books pretending to be fixing something with them.

I had in fact read the fault in our stars, started it mostly to know what everyone were nagging about and then not put it down until I had read it three times to get every single detail I needed from the book with me. But it was so not my genre and out of all guilty pleasure.

"Oh I know that look on your face!" Esme laughed. "You did read it… and I bet you loved it and cried like an opposite hyena!" I turned away from her to put the books back on my bedside table. "You did just admit it!"

"Did not!"

"You did!"

"Did not!"

"You are totally lying!"

I sighed, and then nodded. "I did… but you tell anyone and I'll kill you" Esme nodded and made a move to show she locked her mouth and threw the key over her shoulder. "And there was this certain song I believe could be great for this assignment and everything." I grabbed a few papers with the lyrics from my desk and handed them to her. Then turned the instrumental on on Spotify and started singing along, having Esme doing the same as it came into the second verse.

I wasn't so sure if I could help it really. I had known it would be too soon. That I couldn't just walk over to a girl I barely knew- and anyway had the world's hugest crush on and show it to her. But I just couldn't help it as I sat down and moved closer and closer to Esme as the song went on.

And then at last, when the song was over and we almost touched Esme looked up and seemed to realize what I was doing. And seemed to realize what I was feeling and that I hadn't just chosen her as a partner to get to know her as a friend.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Esme flew up on her feet and took a step away from me while I got onto my feet again as well. "What are you?... Oh!" She pulled a hand through her hair distressed. "Look… Marti you're great… but only as a friend… When it comes to like- like. I like boys…" She sighed. "I would say that I'd help you find someone but with my story with dating the school's worst guy you probably wouldn't want my help"

I had expected this, even though that couldn't help the feelings that made my heart beat so hard it felt like it would beat right out of my chest every time I looked at Esme- beautiful, beautiful Esme I had expected this. And I tried my best to be able to not show the new feelings that came roaring up inside of me at her words.

"I don't want to hear anything about your miserable love- life as long as it's got nothing to do with me… Maybe you should just go. I forgot some homework I had to do." I kneeled and picked up another book from the floor- and this ought to be Esme's copy of the fault in our stars. "You dropped this, you know where the door is." Esme sighed but nodded and pulled her bag off to put her book back into it.

"I… Oh… there's a… hole in my bag… oh!" She seemed to remember something. "But… well… Anyway I think that song was great, I guess we could get some more time to rehearse someday." She backed towards the door and then turned around and while I slumped down on my bed and put my head in my hands- god I was so stupid!

"Hey, Esme." I ran after into the doorway after only a few seconds. "You got me curious… who was the school's worst guy?"

"Alex Fredericks"

"ALEX FREDERICKS? Geez, are you crazy woman?"

**Well. I'm not so sure what I think of those parts with Martina and Esme but… any kind of romance… writing it is just not my strongest side, I hope I did okay at least**

**Credit for translations from English to Italian for Lea- Marie's part goes to JoshiferJennoist. **

**Playlist  
Martina and Esme- Here's to us- Halestorm **


	13. Remember to forget

**Hello. Well… I hope that you read my author's notes. Then you would be reading this. But I was thinking about my name, since you probably can't pronounce Linnéa- because it's so Swedish! Well… I was wondering to make up a nickname because of that and at last I thought of that Linneaflower in English is twinflower- so I came up with Twinnie. So… if you have trouble pronouncing my name and such then… I guess Twinnie works! It's up to you though **

**So, instead of sending all those annoying messages about new polyvores to you all the time I'm going to put in the A/N's at the top what I've done, so since this is the first time I will put here what I have in the collection so far. And if anyone wonders- the majors are the ones in the glee club so it's Daniel, Christie, Benjamin, Esme, Belle, Bradon, Keagan, Lea- Marie, Sharon, Seth, Charlotte, Dakota, Martina and Jasper. **

**-So there's one with photos of all of the cla's for the majors**

**-Then- for the majors, one each with random things that they like and stuff, one each for their clothes and one each for their room**

**-For the majors, the audition outfits (also audition outfit for Evie) and at least one random outfit for everyone**

**-Randoms for Tanisha, Evie, Alex, Bennett, Jess and Hayley. Rooms for Alex, Ben and Evie and clothes for Evie. **

**Daniel POV **

"Christie?" I ran up to my duet partner on Monday morning. "Listen, we really have to get on with practicing our duet as we need to perform on Thursday andI've got some others things to think about so have you got time today after school?" Christie glared up at me as usual then and shook her head.

"No! What about tomorrow?" I scratched my head- I couldn't skip basketball anymore and I had that late because of glee club. "Wednesday?" I shook my head- basketball again and I always did my grocery shopping on Wednesdays. "Fine then, okay you live right nearby the hospital right?" I nodded. "Well between five and nine today I have to be there. So come there then!"

I pulled a hand through the back of my head while Christie said where she was going. "I've got a lesson" Was the last thing she said and then turned around and walked down the hallway while I just stood there and probably for a second or two I didn't know who I was or where I was going.

For a moment I felt for my phone in my pocket and the fast number to my dad to tell him what was going. Not so much for just telling him because it would just make him feel bad, but I just had to get everything out of my head or else my head would explode. But so I changed my mind- maybe I'd call my mum instead- after all. Angelica wasn't her daughter.

But so I changed my mind, if my mum found out then my dad was finding out. And if they both found out they would just come running back home and I just couldn't do that. They'd feel too bad about it, I would feel bad for dragging them home and we all would feel bad for all of the circumstances. I couldn't risk that!

At last I walked into one of the bathrooms and locked myself into a stall. Well inside I sat down on the lock and fingered with my wristband to have it open and then I held it in front of me and tried to concentrate on the silver- colored pattern upon the black leather of the Swedish Lapland bracelet my dad had bought when he had to go to Sweden.

To follow those silver- threads could often be a good way to concentrate on something else like when a big game was coming up and I was nervous or whatever it was that I needed to get out of my head for a moment. But right now I just didn't work, and Christie… Christie… and could I really go back there after all these years?

At last I stood up and pushed the door to the stall open. When I had gotten the wristband on I started unbuttoning the buttons of my polo because for a long while I had been feeling like the neck was strangling me, even though it didn't actually help much.

The lesson had started again after the lunch break and the hallway was empty. I was quite grateful for it as if it was something I didn't need it was anyone coming up to me. It wasn't that my self-confidence was way too great, I knew it wasn't- but I probably was one of the most popular guys in school. In empty hallways no one came up and wanted to talk to me.

"Sorry I'm late." I tried to act like there was nothing going on when I came into the lesson with Mrs. Montague and without another word I sat down in the back of the classroom and picked up my French books from my bag and held the pencil and looked down in the paper to look as if I was concentrating on the subject but with my thoughts something completely different.

…"_Is she in pain?" _

"_No Danny, the doctors are giving medicines so she won't be in pain"_

"_When will she wake up?"…_

I shook my head and forced my thoughts away from thinking about that terrible day. I just couldn't- this wasn't her- this was another person, another personality for sure. And that was long ago… I couldn't be thinking about that! Not now.

But pressing the thoughts away was just the only thing there was to do, force myself not to think about it and just try to do the most impossible of it all- try and forget.

"Daniel…" Several hours later when I sat in one of them hospital rooms trying not to remember Christie's voice reached through my head. "Daniel… Daniel come on… ugh!" She threw herself backwards and towards the head of the bed. "God I hate this!" She mumbled and tugged the chord going from her arm into a machine next to the bed.

"Oh…. Well… Oh I was going to sing you this song first because I figured you actually have no idea who I am… about anything I am so I decided to this…" I took a chord on the guitar and then played a song that I had used to introduce myself a couple of times before because why not?

Christie looked mildly impressed while I was singing and playing the guitar and somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered about what it would take for this girl to laugh or even just smile? Either way I just played through the rest of the song going faster and foster. And tried to show her that actually every line of the song said something about me.

"Wow…" Christie clapped ironically when I was finished. "Great job." Just as she had said it the woman who had been that judge at the glee club auditions came in and heard her and I could see her look pleading towards Christie who just sighed and turned to me again. "No but seriously, the meaning of this duet thingy is to introduce ourselves to someone we don't know and to the rest of the glee club right? So we might as well!"

"Actually…" I hesitated. "…That's not a bad idea." I pulled a notebook out of my bag and started scrabbling out the song's lyrics. And finally, finally there was something that could keep my mind of things enough for it not to hurt for just a tiny little while- or at least not as much.

I didn't spill time going to the cafeteria eating food- hospital cooking was almost as bad as my cooking. But I grabbed my bag and searched through the side pocket. "I'm a lousy chef you know!" I told Carole, for the moment Christie had fallen asleep on the bunk. "So… when my parents are out on town I pretty much live on these and I always carry around at least five of each. So… Twizzlers, Twix or Hershey's cookies and cream?" I looked up from my bag.

"You really wouldn't have to…" I shot her a meaning look- I knew I didn't have to. I wanted to! "Hershey's" I pulled two Hershey's bars out and threw one to her. I put it in my mouth and at first just held it in between my front teeth while I went through the lyrics on my IPad and tried to work out which part I was to say and which was for Christie. And therefore didn't notice how Carole frowned when she looked at me and how she seemed to make a decision.

"Oh shoot!" Carole exclaimed when she drove up in their driveway. "I'm sorry honey I was going to drive you home but I was just so lost in my own thoughts I totally forgot about it. Ehr… could you help me get Christie inside and I'll see what I can do then." I nodded without answering verbally and stood up and went to lift Christie up from the back seat where she had fallen asleep again on the way home.

"Smelling good." Mr. Blaine. "I said when coming down the stairs from leaving Christie in her bed and Mr. Blaine stood with some food- and I was definitely not looking forward to eating frozen meal again which made my stomach make weird noises and I couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, ehrm. Thanks for the ride and everything, I'll just walk home. Goodnight"

I was on my way out into the hallway when Carole spoke again. "You can stay here if you want to. It might be a bit long to walk in the dark." I stopped with my hand on the door handle and was on my way to protest when she seemed to be reading my mind. "It wouldn't be a burden honey." I turned to her- on one hand it might only be one thing she said- on the other I did not want to go home to an empty house.

"Well," I shrugged at last. "Why not? If it's okay with everyone of course!"

"Honey…" Late that night lying in the guest room I couldn't help but hear what Burt told Carole. "I know what you're thinking. And I hate to tell you this but you've got to remember he's not Finn!"

**Jasper POV **

On Monday afternoon I went to the distance running club and then was on my way to go to the stables where Keagan had asked me to meet him up when I heard someone shout for my sister- I turned around to talk to her and ask her how it went to audition for the dancing club when I saw a boy from Senior year walking up to her.

I had a weird feeling. And I usually wasn't one that liked to listen to conversations but I just had a feeling this would mean something so I jumped in behind some lockers and climbed up on them as quietly as I could and then lied there and listened to what was said.

"Evie." The boy, who had brown hair and I just had this feeling that I knew who he was even though I couldn't quite put my finger on who he was or where I had seen him before- well except that I knew I had seen him at school.

"Well." The boy nervously scratched the back of his head. "I was wondering if… if you maybe would like to go out and grab some dinner or something some day?" He let hear a nervous chuckle. But just as he was on his way to say more I recognized him- and there was no way I was letting him meet up with my sister. Because I knew how that would end.

I pushed myself down from the lockers and landed on my feet on the floor. "Hey." I said, a bit more strictly than what I had planned. "I know who you are. You're that Alex- guy who have dated like every girl in this school and broke the heart of each and every one of them. Well guess what? I am not letting you do that to my sister okay? So you lay off her okay?"

"Jasper." As soon as I took a moment to breathe Evie spoke. And I knew this voice meant that she was angry with me. But she didn't continue but grabbed my shoulders and turned me around back towards the boy. Where there now stood two boys- looking exactly the same.

"Oh…" I breathed. "Twins!" I grimaced looking back to my sister who grabbed my shirt and pulled me with her into an empty classroom. And the thought of that the hurt look in her eyes and tone in her voice was my fault- it hurt me more than anything else in the world could have been doing.

"Jasper you idiot! That's not Alex. I'm not stupid for Christ's sake that's Bennett. And he is nice and I have only met him a few times but he…" Evie crossed her arms over her chest and gave me that sad puppy- look that completely broke my heart. "…He makes me feel happy!"

I slumped down in a chair and put my head in my hands. Now I had really done it! There was nothing I wanted more than for my sister to be happy and with saying what I did to that guy I had destroyed that chance!

My sister had been depressed for two years. A bit more than two years, and… and since then I would just be doing everything I could to make her happy and if Bennett was doing it after barely even having spoken to her then… How could I have been such a jerk? And for a moment I thought back to the day the accident had happen and my sister had been so sad, even though I hadn't quite understood at the moment what was going on.

…"_Do you remember Jasper?" Dad asked me. "That we told you that after what happened to aunt Lisa and Evie, Evie's going to be sad for a bit?" I nodded. "Well, there's not always going to be anything to do about it but we need you to do your best to cheer her up, but also leave her alone when she needs to so things don't get too much for her?" _

_I nodded again. And knew that from that moment on I would… always. Evie would always come first and I just needed to make her happy- and if she was happy then I would be happy! I just knew that there was nothing that was more important than that… _

I searched my pockets and pulled up all the money I could find. Just barely finding what I knew would be enough for two milkshakes on Evie's favorite place at the mall. I brainstormed quickly and then grabbed Evie's hand and pulled her with me out in the hallway again and to where the twins still stood by the lockers.

"So which one of you is Bennett?" I asked, I had already made up what I was going to say and I was a bit nervous to speak to anyone I didn't know at all like this but for my sister I would do anything and especially if it would mean she could be happy again.

I handed Evie the money. "I know for a fact my sister will have some trouble with expressing if or if not she wants so I'll answer for her and do what I can for what I did earlier. You take that money- Evie's favorite place is Hanssen's at the mall and it will just be enough to pay for two milkshakes there. I won't say anything else about you two- but if you hurt my sister. I won't have mercy!"

"I understand… I wouldn't let my sister date my bro… someone like my brother either. Don't worry about it buddy. And… If you like Hanssen's then… how about Hanssen's?" Bennett turned to Evie and I bit my tongue not to say anything about this now. "I appreciate you're giving me a chance. So…" He bowed slightly towards my sister. "Will the beautiful princess give me the joy of joining me to a simple milkshake at Hanssen's?"

Before she walked away Evie quickly gave me a hug to show me I had made up for what I had said from the beginning. But seeing them two walk down the hallway I could have pushed him away from my sister and pulled her with me home. I just didn't want to give him the chance to hurt my sister.

"She is beautiful though. I might trick her a bit for a date myself." Alex laughed, but it was cold, and mean. And I glared back at him.

"Forget it!"

Before he had had the time to say anything else or I would have the time to make a fool out of myself again, I turned around and walked down the hallway pulling my bag higher up on my shoulder just as I pushed the door open with my other hand and continued towards the stables to meet Keagan.

Walking towards the stables I couldn't help but to over and over go through my head what I had said and what I had done to Evie and to Bennett. And Evie's eyes when she looked at me and when she had looked at Bennett. Because there had been some sparkle in her eyes when she looked at him and… I couldn't remember the last time I had seen it!

Most of all I just wanted to turn back time and keep myself from doing and saying what I had. Or at least just forget about it. Because even though they had ended up leaving the school together, I couldn't let go of the thought of how close I had been or if I had really destroyed the chance of my sister being happy again.

Keagan had told me to just come into the stables when I arrived and when I did I carefully walked in the middle of the hallway in between the stalls and flinched with every sound that came. "Oh hi." I said at last when I found Keagan with a big, brown horse that for me looked about the size of a big truck!

"Hey Jazz. Just hold up a minute I'm almost done here." He walked under the neck of the big hoarse. "Come and meet my Shire horse." He patted the neck. "This is Alma." I swallowed, but didn't want to show that I was afraid so I carefully took a few steps forward, and then backed it all again when Alma turned her head and looked at me.

"Whoa." I said quite quietly and backed away even further. "Ehrm… maybe we should go somewhere else and do this." Keagan was collecting all of his brushes and things in a blue box and now lifted it up and with the other hand he was patting Alma's neck.

"Are you afraid of horses?" I hesitated, then nodded.

"A horse… pretty much run over me when I was four… I haven't really been able to forget about that." Keagan smiled softly and took a bridle from a hook on the outside of the stall door, which he pulled on Alma and then held onto.

"Alma doesn't run people over. She's just a very kind old lady. A bit mischievous but she wouldn't hurt a fly. Come here." Keagan more or less grabbed my hand and pulled me closer until my palm laid against the fur on Alma's warm back. "It's okay, she's not going to hurt her. Scratch her there, she loves that."

I scratched carefully but quickly pulled my hand back and backed again when Alma shook her head. "Okay. Come on. I'll give you a ride on my bike and we'll get home to mine quicker." I backed out of the stall again and just watched as Kegan pulled the bridle off again and hung it back before he closed the door and then came walking to me again.

"Are you okay Jazz?" Keagan asked when we sat in his room, I in the desk chair and him Indian style on his bed with a laptop to get up songs on YouTube. "You're so quiet! And you seem so worried every time you check your phone- which you're doing about every third second!"

If I had been honest right away I would probably have answered him not really right away. Told in short words that I wanted to keep an eye on my phone if I heard anything from my sister- and how I had almost destroyed it all before it even began. But I thought for a moment and realized that probably wasn't the best option.

"Have you ever tried so badly to keep someone happy and safe, you ended up doing the complete opposite?" Keagan raised an eyebrow, then shrugged.

"Do you mean when you try so hard to keep someone happy and safe and you end up forgetting a part of yourself- when you try so hard to keep them safe you make a fool out of yourself. And are so concentrated on them being happy you wish you could just forget about it for a while to just have fun and then are ashamed of thinking of it almost as a burden?"

My mouth dropped open, and Keagan was actually so right I didn't really know what to think or what to answer. "It's okay Jazz." Keagan continued at last. "You don't need to feel ashamed about just wanting to let go of it for a bit and have some fun. Now cut out all this feeling- crap I've got the perfect idea for a song Just forget about your sister- I'm sure she's fine."

**Charlotte POV **

I looked myself in one of the big mirrors in the dancing hall while going through the series of moves I had put together for one other one of my random put together choreographies. I had been sitting going through it in my head the whole day but now when I finally was in the hall and got to try it, it just wouldn't work!

"Ugh" At last I just sat down on the floor and glanced over my reflection in the mirror. And I'd have to admit I didn't really like what I saw. My hair was a mess and as usual a few tresses had found their way out of the navy- colored hair scrunchie and were getting in my eyes. My eyes were too small and my lips too thin. Even through the slouchy off- the shoulder shirt I could see the rolls on my stomach and that my ribs didn't show enough and that my chest was too flat.

I was wearing shorts, and only the thought of that made my chest tighten as the skin on my thighs were flappy, my hair was greasy from sweat and I smelled disgusting. How would anyone be able to love- or fall in love with anything like this- anything like me?

I looked down at my shoes, black canvas with neon- colored stars and neon blue laces. The shoes' color had faded a lot the last four and a half years- since we had bought them. And that day when everything had changed.

It had started off just normal, I and my mum had been planning for weeks to go and get me new dancing sneakers for street dance class, and new clothes. We had had this great time, gone into town by the same time as the stores would open, and not went back to the parking lot until it had gotten all dark.

And then… everything changed- just like that.

…_."So what do you think dad will think about we having bought shoes two sizes too big just so we could get the nice ones." I glanced at the box in my lap, the ones with the black canvas boots with neon- colored stars. _

"_Don't worry Charlie." Mum lifted her hand from the steering wheel and stroke my hair. "You will grow into them, until then we can just put something in the toes and we could only tell dad we bought something for you to grow in. Hey let's listen to some music." Mum started playing with the radio and for only a second she looked away from the road, just like she always did. _

"_MUMMY" I shouted as I saw a car coming close to ours way too fast. But barely had I had the time to shout it hit ours, on mum's side of the car it hit ours and everything went quiet and seemed to move in slow motion as the car tumbled around… _

I returned to reality, there wasn't any broken glass and mashed metal lying around. I didn't lie upside down, in my hands I didn't still hold the box with the new shoes that weren't new anymore. It didn't taste like blood in my mouth and… mum wasn't holding my hand and promising me it would all be okay.

Nothing was the same. Nothing would ever be the same and everything had just changed like that. In the matter of a few seconds my whole life had just been tumbling around landing upside down and it hadn't turned back ever since- not once in four and a half years.

My mum had been a beautiful person, all until that day and the last memory I had of seeing her alive she had been lying upside down and I had been able to see the life leave her in her eyes. There had been glass everywhere and loads of cuts bleeding on her face and she was still beautiful- I would bet anything on that wherever she was she was just as beautiful as she ever had been on earth.

So how did I- who looked so much like her end up this ugly and disgusting? And how on earth would anyone ever be able to love- or fall in love with me- the least of them all that cute guy in the glee club that with his brown hair and those green eyes that just made me feel all weak to the knees and made me feel like I thought I never would.

I sighed- I needed to forget about it- forget about the accident, forget about that whole day, the last one I had gotten with my mum, forget about that boy with that name I could never remember for some reason and most of all- forget about everyone who were waiting for me at home that just didn't understand.

I sighed, stood up and grabbed my bag before I headed for the showers. I had to leave those steps now and shower or I'd even stink until I would be able to get myself home or be late for glee club- none of that seemed tempting so well…. Even if I hated school showers there wasn't much of a choice.

And still I had to rush to get on clothes and to save time my hair was still soaking wet and pulled into a messy ponytail when I ran through the hallway towards the choir room and stopped abruptly when I heard my sister's voice echoing through the hall and if I didn't stop for her I was only going to get it back later.

"Hey, Skull." I stopped and turned to her. "You know that friend you were supposed to take home later today. Well forget it! Lucy and I are going to need our room so you will have to go somewhere else." I opened my mouth and wanted to protest but closed it again. "It's just a matter of fact. You will have to go somewhere else, we don't have place for you and your stupid friends."

Frances span around and stomped down the hallway, I just sighed and turned towards the choir room and saw Mr. Blaine standing right outside it, he was frowning and let go of the door and came walking to me.

"She's my sister!" I said because I understood that what he was distressed about was the way Frances was talking to me and I didn't want any problems- God I had enough as it was already and hoped that it would make Mr. Blaine just let it go even though I probably already knew that it wasn't going to help.

"That doesn't give her an excuse to talk to you like that!" Mr. Blaine clapped my shoulder and I brainstormed for something to say to just have him forget about it but couldn't come up with anything so in some attempt even though it was kind of rude I just turned around and walked down to the choir room.

Walking through the door and just speeding over the room because it felt as everyone were staring I glanced over the group. I recognized most of the ones in there and walked up to sit by Belle Jolie who I was doing my duet with. But there was one new boy, and one girl who was definitely too little to be in high school.

The boy I had seen around school a couple of times, he had blonde, tousled hair and the most blue eyes I had ever seen. And I had seen him with that girl, she might have been five or six years old and obviously had Down's syndrome, she was sitting on the guy's lap drawing something on some paper with a book put under as support as Mr. Blaine came into the room.

"So everybody. We have got one more member of the glee club- which by the way have got a name right now I'll tell you about it later. But…" Mr. Blaine gestured towards the new boy. "You two- name, age, class and one random fact about yourselves." We all turned to the blonde boy who seemed a bit uncomfortable with everyone turning towards him.

"Benjamin Heedie, seventeen, junior. Oh… One random fact… I… I like longboard and Inlines. And this is my little sister." He squeezed the shoulder of the little girl who had for the moment stopped drawing and seemed to be thinking about what to say next.

"My name is Madison May Heedie, but you can call me Mady. I'm six and I'm in kindergarten. And am I rocking this extra chromosome or what?" She smiled from ear to ear and several baby teeth had fallen out leaving a big glug where her front teeth should have been. And I couldn't help but notice Dakota Lopez had a smile at least as big as Mady.

I looked around the room and looked to the clock and then to Belle. Thoughts were spinning in my hand with one possible solution on where we were to rehearse today, or even find a song that we could do. I knew I couldn't go home to mine, and maybe that was for the best anyway because I knew my stepmum was home early today.

But Belle had already said- strictly that there was no way we were going to hers. And it was clear that she didn't want any further questions but that we were under no circumstances going to hers. So that left either staying here at school, or going out and sitting in some café or somewhere and rehearse and… whatever we chose there would be people.

Daniel and Christie performed their duet, I really loved the movie it came from and I would have listened but I couldn't concentrate, Jasper and Keagan did too but I barely knew about it and the break I got was when Seth and Bradon did theirs and I had to force myself not to stare at Seth weirdly- darn it he was cute!

It turned out that I wouldn't have had to worry. Belle pulled me along to the main street at town and in the end of it a café with a stage and some sort of karaoke. Belle ordered tea so we wouldn't have to leave for not ordering anything but I didn't want anything and I pulled up my phone and started riffling around in my playlists.

"Hey, look" None of us hadn't had the time to suggest a song when Belle looked away towards the stage. "They're setting up the kara… oh we should do this song!" Before I had had the time to protest Belle had grabbed onto my hand and pulled me with her to the stage. "Now I know! But I've done this plenty of times and this place is as good as empty"

I didn't get the chance to protest before the machine was put on some sort of duet- mode and the intro started. Belle had the first verse and boy she was good! With how good she was everyone would boo me out if they had any sense at all.

I looked around the room, there was an old couple sitting in a corner, another couple about my age sitting in the middle of it all. And a bit away there was a mother with three children- that was it all- could I do this? This wasn't a lot of people! I couldn't do it. I'd faint! I'd vomit! I would faint and vomit! And I would make a complete fool out of myself!

I looked to Belle standing with one of the microphones and singing. I could never had failed to notice that her voice sounded cold whenever she was talking to me and whatever it was about. I had a feeling she didn't like me and even though I could think of loads of reasons of why someone wouldn't like me I couldn't for my life think of one of why she didn't- I had never really had anything to do with her before glee club.

I felt the nervousity grow bigger as Belle sang through the first refrain and soon it would be my turn to sing and I felt every muscle in my arms and hands trembling. But so, as on a given signal I could hear mum's voice in my hand and something she had told me before I was singing a solo at some show in kindergarten.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and forced myself to forget about the people that were here. Forget about myself and everything around. Forget about the fact that I wasn't good enough for anything or for anyone.

It was just me, and the music, and my voice.

**Esme pov**

I sighed and put my copy of the fault in our stars back in my bag- in another part of the bag then earlier now- that I would have to do until I had fixed that hole. That hole- oh the thoughts about that only brought me back to the auditorium and… oh the book for sure was on the floor!

"Mr. Blaine." The dark- haired librarian had come into the choir room with some books that he put in the shelf. He turned around and saw me. "Well… you know during the auditions when I said that Daniel Vincent had been in my bag and taken a book?" Mr. Blaine nodded. "Well… a couple of days ago I realized there was a hole in my bag where I usually keep that book. It must have fallen out and…. And Daniel was probably…. No, he was definitely telling the truth."

I half expected Mr. Blaine to get angry with me and suspend me from the glee club but he just smiled. "Well, I'm glad you told me so we have got the truth about that whole misunderstanding. I'll make sure everyone who was in that knows that it was a misunderstanding. You just forget that it happened and everything will be fine" He put another book up in the shelf. "I'm sorry but I've got to go back to the library for a bit. See you in a minute."

I sighed and stood up, I guessed there wasn't a meaning with staying here even though it was only a little while until the glee club rehearsal began. I had to get something in my locker anyway and I pulled my bag onto my shoulder again and fixed my infinity bracelets while walking out in the hallway where I walked right into someone.

"Oh sorry." The boy I had walked into lied his hand towards my arm onto my arm to keep me steady or whatever. "I just… I'm so clumsy sorry." He leaned down to pick up the books he had dropped and accidentally lost balance and fell right upon me and pulled me with him.

"I'm… I'm sorry." I got out before I just broke down laughing from the comic in the situation. "I'm sorry." I pushed myself up and reached Hayley his books. He pushed his glasses on and reached for the books lying next to me stuttering some apologies. "Oh forget it. It wasn't your fault." I broke down again, Hayley mostly looked confused before he reached out his hand and helped me up.

"Oh." For several seconds we stood going to yet one direction yet the other trying to get past each other, and then I grabbed Hayley's arms and steered us around. But walking down the hallway I couldn't help but turn around for a second and I noticed that he had too.

When my hazel eyes met his also hazel it was like butterflies dancing in my tummy and I quickly turned again and forced myself to forget about Hayley and think about something else- I couldn't fall in love!

Not again, not now, not this soon! And especially not after how it all had went last time. And the memory of the last time the butterflies had been dancing like this and the first time I had met Alex couldn't help but play up in my head even though I mostly wanted to forget about everything that had to do with Mr. Fredericks.

…"_Hey… what you doing here? Hey, are you crying?" A brown- haired boy came around the corner where I sat and had been trying so hard to fight the tears away- even though I hadn't really succeeded and there were still tears just spurting from my eyes. "Ah, darn it… I would leave you be but hey… it's a long while since I saw a girl as beautiful as you so…" _

_The boy started searching his pockets and pulled up a tissue that he reached to me. "Here!" He let go when I took it and then sat down on the floor. "I'm Alex by the way- Alexander actually but if you call me that I'll rip your head off. I've seen you around since the school start so… I guess you're a freshman!?" _

_I dried the tears and took a deep breath to make my voice sound as steady as possible while I tugged my sleeves carefully so he wouldn't be able to notice my scars. _

"_I'm Esme."… _

I walked over to my locker and pretended to reach for something at the top shelf to lean as far into the locker as possible without it looking weird and suspicious. And for a good while I just pretended to feel around on the shelf, all the time careful so I wouldn't lie my fingers on the Swiss knife that lied there.

"Hey." I jumped when at the same moment as I leaned back and- so to say- came out of the locker again Martina came up by my side and started talking to me almost out of nowhere. "Hey… I was thinking about this duet. Because I know that thing didn't go… smooth so to say but heck! Let's be friends anyway so… I was thinking about what song to do. I like country music do you like country music? You'll have to because I don't really like any other kind of music…"

Martina kept on babbling and I was starting to feel slightly dizzy from the non- stop flow of words coming from her. In fact partly because I just couldn't put away the thought of what Martina felt for me that I couldn't feel for her and of course that felt kind of awkward to me- although I wasn't so sure Marti even knew that feeling!

If I could have I would so have forgotten about what had happened on Sunday, what I had gotten to know. And just be friends again, just like we had been when Marti came over to spend time with my twin sister even though we had never really talked or anything along with each other as I mostly hung out with Sharon.

As of now- things were only too complicated and I couldn't make anything make sense. Marti felt things for me that I didn't feel for her and even if that didn't make things awkward for her they did make things awkward for me as I couldn't just forget about it. At the same time I was feeling like that for someone else but- I just couldn't. Not again!

And then there was Alex, and then there was Sharon- I wanted to forget about Alex too, partly because if I did then maybe I could solve things with my best friend. Because that was who Sharon was- she was my best friend.

But as of how it looked right now- maybe I would just have to forget about her too!

**Benjamin POV **

"Mady!" On Wednesday morning I shook my sister's shoulder and tried to wake her up. She was always hard to wake up in the morning. "Mady, come on now Mady. We need to get to school." Mady lifted her head from the pillow and tiredly reached her hands up around my neck. "Okay, come on." I lifted her up and carried her down to the kitchen where I put her down on one of the chairs and started making breakfast.

"Mum?" I walked into mum's bedroom, or more likely- she slept in a wardrobe where we had pushed in a bed. Money had been tight already when my dad was alive- especially with all the depts he had managed to get us. Since he died a year ago- we had had to give up a small flat that was in our house for rent to get a bit of money from that- even though it was far from enough.

Mum was sleeping, I had woken up at about four in the morning when she came home. So I tucked the covers around her and walked out of the room as quietly as I could not to wake her up. Back in the kitchen Mady was almost asleep by the table so I woke her up and searched the fridge for something that I could bring for lunch later today.

"Morning Ben, morning Mady." Brady- who went to college and lived in our house in the one- room flat in our house came into the kitchen. "Slept well?" I nodded with my head half into the fridge and looked back at Mady who had once again almost fallen asleep at the table. "Hey Mads."

"Morning Brady." I finally could lean out of the fridge again and opened the box I had found. "Oh I can't eat this." I poured the moldish bread out in the compost. "I'll have to buy lunch at school." I opened the drawer and pulled up an envelope where mum had cash lying for times like these when money would get tight.

"Benny." Mady asked drowsily. "Will daddy be home when we come home today?" I grimaced to Brady who was just on his way out the door. But he just shook his head and left. I was in this myself. And what was I supposed to answer- since dad died a year ago and I hadn't told her I had gotten myself into a long net of lies and excuses only not to let her know for a little while.

…"_When will daddy come home from the hospital?" Mady asked me looking up at me with tears in her blue eyes. They were just as beautiful as ever but I hated it when they had those drops in them, because it just broke my heart and I didn't know what to do or where to turn. _

"_Mady…" I kneeled and brainstormed for something to say. "You know that… daddy have been taking these medicines… like my medicines but they're for different things and they're very, very bad?" Mady nodded. "Well… Dad was selling them and everything as well. And he needed to stop, so now he's gone away on a long, long trip." _

"_When will he come back?" I closed my eyes, I would never be able to tell her that he wasn't going to- not ever coming back! "BENNY WHEN WILL HE COME BACK?" Mady was really crying now and she was grabbing my shirt and shaking me so I quickly pulled her into a tight embrace and just held her for a long while. _

"_I don't know!"… _

I sighed and pulled up the money I needed, quickly counting the rest and realizing that I needed to get an idea on how I could make more money in all of this. Although I wasn't exactly sure how! And I didn't know how in all of this I would have time for a job as well- or where on earth I would be able to find one!

With a quick glance towards the clock I realized we were in a rush, so I sent Mady of to get dressed and then ran to my room. Got a baseball shirt over the tank top and to save some time I pushed down my medicines for the morning and the rest of the day in my jeans pocket so I could take them when I got to school and then ran back and helped Mady with the shoelaces and ran off to the bus.

Sitting on the bus the thoughts about Mady and dad were coming back and I looked away from Mady not to let her see the tears in my eyes. I wish I could just forget about it- because now when I maybe had gotten so far I could start to move on and head forward after everything- Mady still didn't know- and she was finding out sooner or later and then I would have to deal with it all over again with her.

I wish I could forget about it all- because then I and Mady would at least get through it together. Now… I didn't know what it would be. Or at least forget about all the lies just so it would get easier to on her level maybe tell Mady about what was going on, and that daddy really wouldn't come back! And why he wouldn't and do it in the right way!

"Benjamin." When I sat in school I had been sitting leaned forward with my head in my hands, wondering about work and Mady and dad and Brady and just about everything else that was going on for the moment. "Are you okay?" I looked up to see Blaine standing there and he was frowning- he could see that the answer would be no!

"Blaine…" I decided what I was going to say already before I had said it so I wouldn't stop and just decide not to say it. "I guess… I guess everyone kind of are through in about my age that… you need a job to make more money and I guess it's not too far ago since you were a teenager so if I talk to you. You won't just blame it all on me like adults!" Blaine nodded slightly and sat down by me.

"Yes?" Blaine hesitated a bit as if he was wondering what was going on.

"I… Money is a bit tight in my family and… I've already got school and glee and football and taking care of Mady do you… Do you have any idea like… any at all of what I can do now because if nothing else I need to be able to pay for my meds. Because they cost too much!" Blaine pulled a hand through his hair and seemed to wonder about what to say or what to do.

"Can… Can you meet me here at the end of the day? I'll try and think of something okay?" I nodded, and then head to turn around and go through the hallway towards my classroom for my first lesson of the day, which I had almost forgotten in thinking about everything else that was going on.

I was nervous I had to admit. Nervous about everything. Had it been wrong of me to put this on Blaine? I barely knew the guy! Should I maybe go and tell him not to worry about it? I had always had a way with saying and talking too much to the wrong people- for a reason I'd guess. And mostly to have something to do I sat and fingered with the pill box in my pocket the whole day just to have something to do with.

"Hey." Blaine said when I came down the stairs and through the hallway at the end of the day. "Come on… I'm going to take you to my place! Do you need to pick up your sister first?" I nodded. "Then we'll get her too… I have spoken to my father- in- law… Do you know Hummel's tires and lube?" I nodded. "By the way… those meds you were talking about…"

I pulled up the box from my pocket and pointed to the right words on the paper with it to show that it wasn't the kind of meds he might be afraid of what it was.

"Well…" Blaine continued. "I think that the thing you said about at least being able to pay for them yourself sounded good so… And you and Burt will of course talk about this… but he have promised that if you come there maybe one or two times a week, take phone calls, pick up things at the post and that kind of jobs… then he'll make a deal that will at least be enough for you to pay for that."

I breathed out and laid my hands on top of my hands. "Hey…" Blaine suddenly sounded almost worried. "Are you okay? You're shaking!" I nodded.

"Side- effect from my meds." He nodded, but didn't ask anything else about it. "It's okay."

I didn't say anything about that that and the other side effects had gotten worse and worse. Or about that I would usually not shake this much, but that it got worse during strong feelings like fear or anger. I didn't mention how much it actually bothered me when my body started trembling out of my control and how it made my heart beat hard and the thoughts to spin around in my head.

Why would I have? He didn't have anything to do with this actually- and worrying about it didn't help. For now I would only have to forget about the shaking and move on.

**So… Daniel's got a Swedish Lapland bracelet- yes they are real. No I haven't got one but I wish I did. But Daniel's part isn't very well- written since I ended up with the world's worst writer's block and was just trying to get on with writing. **

**Playlist  
Daniel/ Daniel and Christie- Introducing me- Nick Jonas  
Jasper/ Keagan- Take on the world- Sabrina Carpenter feat. Rowan Blanchard  
Seth/ Bradon- Swing life away- Rise against  
Charlotte/ Belle- Beautiful- Christina Aguilera **

**So… if anyone haven't guessed yet- Carole is going to be a lot in this with being just sweet and everything because she totally is my favorite character- don't like don't read! **


	14. Need and want

**New polyvores  
-Randoms for Haiden and Samuel, none of them have been mentioned by name in the story yet. And Brady **

**Benjamin POV **

Sitting in the kitchen in the Hudson- Hummel- Anderson's house and looking up at the man in the baseball cap I felt so nervous I was on my way to crawl out of my skin, and along with the side effects from my meds made me feel like I was either going to blow up- or throw up.

"Honey are you okay?" Carole had come into the room after playing with my sister and seemed to be on her way to get something. "You're shaking! And you're sweating!" I hesitated and looked around for a bit wondering about how to answer this without making it way too embarrassing.

"Actually I… I'll just…" I stood up. "I feel kind of sick I… I just need to get some air." I hesitated for a bit, almost as if I'd forgotten how to get myself out the door and outside. "I… ugh… I really need to just get some air." I hurried out of the kitchen. "Mady stay here. I'll be back in a minute." I pushed the door open, closed it carefully and then sunk down onto the porch steps and put my head in my hands.

I hated my meds- I hated them, hated them, hated them. They as good as stole money from us, made me feel like this and…. Well, every other lousy thing meds would be able to do to a person while at the same time working in the way they were supposed to so I couldn't really stop taking them at school days! Even though I did just that on weekends and holidays to get rid of the side effects for a bit.

"Are you okay?" Carole came outside after me and sat down. "You seemed pretty messed up in there!" She patted my back.

"Yes I'm fine." I coughed hoarsely. "It was just… well I don't know really… It got a bit much at once. You're a nurse right?" Carole nodded. "Well, then you know that medicines' worst side effects are usually when the medicines are starting to make their work?" I pulled the box of pills out of my pocket- mostly to assure her too that I wasn't a drug addict or anything.

"Yes… I thought these medicines weren't supposed to have side effects. Here, let me see." She took the box and read what it said on the sides.

"They're not… and I haven't had many earlier but… sorry you don't want to hear this." When I realized I was saying too much as usual I grabbed the pill box and pushed it back into my pocket. "I suppose I'd better get in there, before I lose this job before I even had this." I held out my hand. "Here, let me help you."

"Okay… I might be old Benjamin but I can still stand up by myself." I let hear a short chuckle and felt myself blush. "Hey, it's okay… and Burt is a kind man believe me, he's got one of the most golden hearts I've ever met. So don't you worry too much about this okay?" I nodded and opened the door. "Good luck honey."

I walked back and to have myself feel slightly more secure I guessed I kept standing this time. "So… Are you okay son?" I nodded. "You don't have to tell me if it's too private. But Blaine mentioned there was something in certain that you needed money to pay something for… what was it?" I sighed and fingered on the box in my pocket.

"I… I take some meds… I do take something called Ritalin because I… because I have AD…. ADHD…" I sighed. "And I need to be able to pay for them myself." I silent and Burt looked questioning to me. "They're about fifty dollars a month."

"FIFTY?" Carole knew since before- Burt looked as if I had just told him I could see ghosts. "Okay… So here's the deal son… you will come to my gas station maybe twice a week, be there a couple of hours at the time and we will check when you come what jobs fits you the best. It's not much work and therefore not a lot of money- but I think that for that I could give you maybe a hundred, a hundred and fifty dollars a month."

It was literally as if a heavy stone had fallen from my heart. "Thank you sir I… Oh my God that is…. I would have been more than happy for like half of that." I let hear a relieved laugh. "That is…. I'm sorry I've just got to!" Without asking I embraced the man and hugged him tightly before I said anything else.

"Can you come there tomorrow after glee club?" I quickly bobbed my head up and down- no football on Thursdays. "Would you have to bring your sister?" I hesitated, and then nodded again and Burt scratched his head distressed. "Will it be okay if she can sit in the lounge with whatever she wants to do right then?" I nodded again. "Then…. You've got yourself a job kiddo."

"Thank you so much sir.." He joke- glared at me. "Burt I mean. Thank you so much." I must have shook his hand at least a hundred times. "Oh I'm so relieved I:.. thank you. Oh… I must go home now or mum will have gone to work before we come home… MADY. WE'VE GOT TO LEAVE!" I ran up to Mady and started explaining to her what was going on.

"Why would you need a job?" Mum asked me when I told her what was going on. "I work my very hardest and pay for everything don't I?" I sighed and sent Mady of to play so that I and mum could talk alone. "Is there something I can't give you Ben? Something you need?" I shook my head.

"I just want to be able to pay for something myself ma… I… I don't want to put so much on you." I reached over the table and took her hand. "With this I'll be able to pay for my meds myself and sometimes maybe food at school or a book…"

"You've got books over your whole room!"

"I could never have enough books ma!" I looked pleading to her. "Please mum, I just wanted for you to be proud and I thought you'd be happy. And it's really the best job you could imagine only for two, three hours at the most and two, three times a week and Mady can come with me and it will be scheduled after when I go to school and have glee and everything."

"Oh honey." Mum reached over the table and twisted a tress of my blonde hair around her finger. "I am proud of you. Especially this last year you have been so brave and so strong and you have done so much more than I could ever have asked you about!" She sighed. "I just don't want you to be too stressed out, I want you to have your time to read and watch TV…"

"I don't like watching TV"

"I know… but you need some time to yourself." Mum sighed. "But you're right, we need more money… You have to worry about so much you shouldn't have to worry about Benjamin. I really wish I didn't have to put so much on you! Come here." Mum leaned towards me and kissed my forehead. "I gotta go now, don't stay up okay?"

"I won't" I had stopped doing that a long time ago. "Don't forget to say goodbye to Mady. You know how devastated she is when you forget about doing that." Mum nodded and I felt the usual stab in my heart thinking about Mady and our parents- if she was so devastated about mum leaving for work without saying goodbye- how would she react when we sooner or later would have to tell her about dad.

While I heard mum fix to get ready for work I pulled up my phone out of my pocket. I couldn't call anyone since there was no credit but free text messages to anyone was some great stuff and I sent away one to Lea- Marie Hale knowing that we needed to meet up and find a song and rehearse for our duet tomorrow or we wouldn't have the time. It couldn't have been five minutes when my phone beeped with a reply.

_I've told you, I'm not doing a duet with you Heedie! Screw what that Blaine- guy says! I don't want to do a duet with you, I don't need to and I'm not going to. So just get off my back already. _

**Seth POV **

On Wednesday I stayed behind at school for a bit to talk to a teacher about a test that we had in a couple of weeks. It took a bit more time than what I had expected and when I came down the stairs at school I was only hoping for that Belle would have waited for me like she had said she would when I didn't think it would take so much time.

"Hey Seth!" Belle greeted me when I came through the hallway and closed her drawing block. "Are you ready to go?" I answered her yes and opened my locker starting to stuff in my books into my locker and pull out my raincoat while I heard Esme fix with her things behind me and then her phone beeping with a text message.

"Oh darn it!" I turned towards her while fixing with my hood. "Dad's fallen… again!" She hung her bag over her shoulder. "Hold on I'll just call my mum and ask if she can take it…" Belle called and there was nothing else for me to do then to stuff the homework we had down in my bag and then wait for her to get done.

"But I was going to eat dinner with Seth… No mum seriously! We're just friends…" Belle rolled her eyes to her mum at me. "..Okay… Okay… bye!" She hung up. "We need to go by at mine first and help dad up. Mum's got some surgery on some dog she needs to perform first." I nodded and felt my chest slightly tighten.

On Sunday, when I and Belle came home to Mr. Jolie who had fallen we had helped him up, with one move my slacks had rolled up and Mr. Jolie saw the prosthetic- he was a… special man with strong opinions and the next thirty minutes until I left had been spent hearing one insult after the other thrown after me until I decided to just go home.

"What's he doing here?" When we came to the Jolie's Mr. Jolie was sitting on the hallway floor but didn't seem to care as I was in the house. "I don't want you hear you cripple! Get out of my house, I don't want you in my house."

"Be quiet dad, we're just going to help you up and then we're going to leave again!" Belle tried, but Billy Jolie wasn't a man to listen- not now either.

"I don't want you in my house, cripple!" He spat. "Get out of my house, I want you out of here. No, don't touch me. Get out of my house, cripple." I tried seeming as if I didn't care about what he said, but when Belle sighed and nodded to the door I was quite relieved to just stand up and walk out the door and wait in the parking lot.

"I'm sorry about that!" Belle came outside only a minute later. "He's been in such a bad mood lately!" I raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Worse mood than usual then!" I did my best to smile comforting at her and then turned to walk down the street towards the restaurant a few blocks away.

"Hey…"I raised my hand in a wave when I recognized Charlotte Amato in the parking lot outside a house but silent when I saw a boy, probably a bit older than her come up behind and she turned to him. "Do you know who that is?" I and Belle passed around the corner and I turned to Belle with my question since I knew Belle and Charlotte had been meeting for their duet.

"Yes…" Belle hesitated and seemed to wonder about saying something. "…That's Liam Linnel… I think it's her boyfriend." My chest tightened again- that was the answer I had been afraid of getting. "Yes… I'm pretty sure it's her boyfriend actually. She really loves him and talks about him all the time." I closed my eyes and tried to take in what Belle had just told me.

"Seth?" Belle spoke my name when I had stopped on the sidewalk and I opened my eyes again. "Are you coming?" I hesitated. "You were in love with her weren't you?" I hesitated again, then silently nodded. "I'm sorry…" Belle seemed to be the one to hesitate now. "Will it make it better if you get to eat your bodyweight in chocolate and ice cream?"

I should have smiled. Yeah, maybe I should have. It was almost amusing how she had said that- she was such a girl sometimes!

"I don't really feel like eating now." I said callously. "I'm just going to go home." Without waiting for an answer or the usual "see you tomorrow" I walked up the road again, and not to have to pass Charlotte's house again I took a longer way home than usual. It started raining and when I at last came home it was dripping of my hair and it was a miracle it hadn't soaked through my jacket yet.

"Oh, hey honey." Mum came into the hallway. "Oh…" She leaned down and got up a towel from a drawer in the dresser in the hallway. "Come here honey." Before I could protest she had pulled the towel around my head and was rubbing it towards my dripping tresses. "Honey?" She frowned when she had gotten the towel off again. "Are you okay?"

I didn't answer her, just glared and turned and walked down the hallway, through the kitchen and into my room where I slumped down on my bed just starting to stare into the wall with the thoughts spinning in my head.

So she had a boyfriend? I guessed that was it! I thought I had seen her look to me which I had hoped would mean that she maybe thought about me in a similar way as I thought about her. But I guess it had all been wishing from my side and simply my imagination! If she had a boyfriend then I guessed it was just… well that was it wasn't it?

"Seth?" I heard mum come and open the door. "Are you okay honey?" She came and sat down on my bed behind me and stroke my hair. "Has something happened?" I sighed and hesitated about what or if to tell her.

"Go away."

"Seth. What is it?" I rolled over onto my back and looked up at her. "And why are you home this early I thought you were eating dinner with Belle." I nodded and lifted my head and lied it towards my forehead. "Did something happen with her?" I shook my head and pushed myself up to sit and lean against the wall.

"I just want…" I sighed. "I just want for one thing, something at all to be easy for once. Or maybe not easy but…. To at least make sense!" I lowered my head and stroke my forehead. "Belle's dad- Mr. Jolie- he hates me, he saw my leg and since then he doesn't want me in his house. I mean… I'm trying not to care about it…"

"I know you Seth. You wouldn't get this messed up about someone going on about your leg." I hesitated again, then decided to tell her. At least there was no one in the world I trusted than my adoptive mother.

"Do you know that girl I mentioned? Charlotte Amato?" Mum nodded and I sighed and gathered my courage to be able to say the next sentence. "She's got a boyfriend." Mum's expression softened when she realized what this was all about and she smiled slightly while continuing to push her fingers through my fringe over and over again.

"That hurts Seth! I know it does. I have been young and in love too, remember that! And I'd be more worried for you if you said it didn't hurt! In fact… Eva…" I rose my head again when she mentioned my biological mum's name. "My older sister…. Do you know what she said to me when I had had my first heartbreak?" I shook my head.

"No I don't"

"She told me that it hurts so much because you fall for a person, and then end up wanting her so much you need her. And so when it's ripped away the body will have to change itself so to the point it doesn't need her anymore. And before the healing starts it hurts!"

I swallowed and did my best to fight the tears away. "It's okay honey." She patted my arm. "I know you don't want to. But if you need to then… it's okay." I wiped my eyes with my T- shirt and then crawled forward and leaned against my mum and she just took me in her arms without another word being said in between us.

Because right now I could guess, that the only thing I wanted or needed was for mum to just hold me like she did and let me cry like a child in her arms.

**Sharon POV **

On Thursday lunch I had text- messaged Alex Fredericks about meeting me in a hallway on the bottom floor that was always empty. And I was nervous before, when he was fifteen minutes late- I was about to throw up from nervousity when Alex finally came strutting down the stairs and looked around and saw me.

"So what did you want?" He asked callously. "I don't want anything to do with you and you know it Shar!" I tried to act like what he said didn't hurt me and I just didn't care and was on my way to start talking, but obviously had waited too long. "Come on then, I'm going to hang out with my bros so make it fast."

"Do you remember on that party that you and Ben and Haiden had?" Alex rolled his eyes as if he wanted to show he'd rather forget. "And… what we did?" He snorted and told me he'd rather forget. "Well… There's something I need to tell you… and there's not really an easy way to say it so I'm just going to say it right out…" I tried my best to swallow even though my mouth was dry like the Sahara dessert.

"…I'm pregnant."

If Alex had had a cold and rude expression looking at me before I said that, it was nothing to how he looked after and his expression went somewhat scared, but for only a moment until it went cold as ice and he took several deep breaths and went first pale and then bright red before he spoke again.

"You freaking slut!" Alex spat but he couldn't hide the shaky tone in his voice. "I never ever want to see you again. This is no baby of mine and if I meet him or her once it will be one time too much." Mumbling swearing words he took a step back and I hoped that he would walk away even though he breathed in again and was starting to someone else when Dakota came around the corner.

"You go away!" Dakota pushed Alex away, Alex stumbled backwards and fell. Then made himself ready to get up an punch but Dakota had put his sole against Alex's chest and pushed him flat down towards the floor before he had the time. "You had something amazing, something real amazing and you just threw it away- more than once. I never want to see you talking to Sharon again and if you are hurting her I will kill you. Understand?"

Alex nodded, and before he had gotten up Dakota grabbed my shirt and pulled me with him up the stairs and around the corner. It was when we came there that I couldn't help but to break down and Dakota pulled me into an empty classroom and sat down on a desk and rubbed my back all until there were no more tears to cry.

"I'm sorry." At last I wiped the last few tears with my sleeves. "Look I really… I really appreciate what you did… I have no idea what Alex was about to do just when you came in but whatever he was saying it wasn't nice… you know you really wouldn't have to help me right?" Dakota nodded and pulled a hand through his hair.

"I know, I want to. And… listen, I know it's hard with everything going on but… don't mind about that Alex okay? You're worth better than him! And then this cliché that… one day you're going to find one very special guy whom you will love very much and all that jazz and… he's not worth your pain or anything okay?"

"Are you trying to make me fall in love with you or anything because you're a sweet guy and so…" I had said it before I had the time to change my mind or stop myself and Dakota let hear a short laugh and shook his head.

"Nah Shar! I'm super, super gay! And by the way… I know you've probably got a lesson but since you've probably missed about half of it already, how about skipping the rest because with how cold Alex was to you and how I'm trying to convince you to let him go I had the idea of a song we could d for our duet and I think it's just going to take a bit of rehearsing."

I hesitated, skipping classes wasn't at all like me but… maybe just this once… I had missed a big part of the lesson anyway and… Before I had had the time to make up my mind Dakota had grabbed my hand and pulled me out in the hallway and into the choir room and sat down by the piano pulling up his phone for some lyrics while telling me what song it was so I could get it up.

"What are you doing here?" After a couple of times of rehearsing the song suddenly Blaine came into the room. "Don't you two have lessons you need to be at?" I looked kind of ashamed to Dakota and tried to come up with an excuse. "Okay, I can let you go for this time if you go straight to your classes now, but don't let it happen again okay?"

I nodded quickly and left the room without a word to either Blaine or Dakota, then ran down the hallway and straight up to Miss Montague's classroom and apologized for being so late before I sat down in the back of the classroom. Trying to seem as I paid attention to what was going on but my thoughts drifting away to Alex and Dakota and… everything but French verbs!

The song Dakota had found for sure was just perfect for everything going on right now. How the fear over everything made me feel all cold, how cold Alex had acted and how I just needed to let it all go, Alex, Dakota, mum, everything! I just wanted to go into my room at home, slam the door after me and just be for a moment and not worry about anything.

But I guessed it wasn't actually about wanting to do that, I just needed to think about everything and nothing for a while for anything to make sense and clear up. Yeah- I guess that was just what I needed.

But… more than anything else… I wanted to do whatever would be best for my baby. I simply needed to do what was best for him or her- there was no other option.

**Esme POV **

"So…" Mr. Blaine came into the room when glee club started. "I realized I forgot telling you about the name for the glee club on Tuesday so I will be telling it now before I forget it again." He clapped his hands together. "So, ladies, gentlemen and beautiful princess." He looked to Mady Heedie at the last couple of words. "We are… Finn's army!"

"I still don't think you should have called the glee club that!" Christie stated callously. Mr. Blaine sighed and nodded.

"I know Chris, but… if Finn sounds like you've heard it before you might have read on that plaque over there." He pointed to the plaque with the picture of a dark- haired boy. "Or you might have known him and Finn… he was a great man, he had one of the biggest most golden hearts and… he left us very much too soon."

Mr. Blaine coughed and cleared his throat, it was clear that it was hard for him to talk about Finn. "And a couple of you knew him… Christie… He was your cousin," I turned my head and looked to Christie, who- as usual wasn't showing any feelings at all. "And Bradon, you were very good friends with him and Bradon was also the one who came up with the name."

Mr. Blaine started clapping his hands for Bradon and us others came along. "So Bradon… For coming up with that you will get to choose what theme we have during one week with this sometime during the fall or the winter but I can't tell you when yet. And you will also get a solo at sectionals. I would like to give you more for this wonderful idea but that's what I have."

"That's great Blaine." Bradon just nodded. "You wouldn't have had to give me anything for it I'm just glad I came up with it and that you liked it." Mr. Blaine smiled back and riffled in some papers he held in and asked who would want to go first of the duet couples that hadn't gone out yet.

"We can go first." Belle Jolie said almost right away. "If that's okay with you Charlotte and that's okay with everyone else?" Mr. Blaine nodded and I and the others agreed and she and Charlotte stepped down on the floor. "We will be doing the song Beautiful by Christina Aguilera, and we'll be doing it a Capella."

Listening to their voices I would have to admit that they were both really, really, really good. But Charlotte seemed shy, even though she had seemed more shy when she was talking and she seemed to just lit up whenever she was singing. I couldn't get why though because she for sure was really, really good.

"That's great guys." Mr. Blaine clapped his hands with us others. "And about this thing that we need to do either a Capella or with music on our phones or something I… I have tried to call up the pianist who used to be here while I was in the glee club that was here and before that too. And if I reach him then… then we might have a pianist, if not then I'll try to find another so we have one to comp!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Martina spoke up. "Enough with the babble, babble. Can I and Esme go next?"

"The floor's yours." Mr. Blaine didn't seem annoyed that Martina had interrupted him and gestured towards the open choir room and I stood up and made sure I had the sleeves fully pulled down before I stepped out on the floor.

It wasn't that I was ashamed of the scars and where they came from, I just didn't want everyone to know at once- it would lead to an awkward silence and then awkward questions and I felt awkward enough in the company of Martina already so I didn't need all of the rest to be awkward as well.

We had found the song and made it a bit because of that- earlier I and Martina had been friends, maybe not known each other too well but we had always been able to talk to each other free like friends and now… it seemed like Martina could still do that while I just never knew what to say which made our relationship kind of complicated.

And even though the song was about a whole other situation, it was about a relationship that had gone… complicated so there wasn't really another song that could suit better for the moment- and as an extra plus we both liked it.

"That's awesome." Once again Mr. Blaine commented on the duet. "So… only two couples left, Sharon and Dakota and Benjamin and Lea- Marie, which one of you want to go next?" Mr. Blaine looked exited looking to Lea- Marie and Benjamin who glanced to each other and Benjamin seemed somewhat ashamed while Lea- Marie just looked as rude and as if she was the queen of the world as ever.

"We haven't got a duet Sir." Benjamin said at last. "Because we… well that's up to Lea- Marie to explain actually." Something somewhat angry had appeared in Mr. Blaine's expression while we all turned to Miss Hale and waited for her to answer as she first just glared to Benjamin.

"As I said… I wasn't going to do a duet with Horrid Heedie! I wouldn't want to, and I didn't need to." Mr. Blaine for sure was angry now but I could see he was trying to hide it- and I knew for a fact that if I was the teacher I could have lived with that they hadn't done the duet- but it was something else that Lea- Marie called him names.

"Okay… ehrm… Dakota and Sharon can you do yours and I'll try to come up with something." While Sharon and Dakota walked down I took up the fault in our stars from my bag and pretended to be checking something in it- I just wasn't ready to forgive Sharon yet or to even seem like I have for a second, but I could see in the corner off my eye that Sharon seemed kind of messed up and I could hear them singing and it for sure was very beautiful.

"So…" Mr. Blaine stood up. "I came up with an idea for this and Lea- Marie, if this would be just about you then it would have been okay but I don't think it's okay to put that on Benjamin as well, so I was wondering Benjamin, maybe you have something you could perform along with your sister?" Mady lit up.

"REALLY?" She shouted with the biggest smile ever. "I will get to sing?" Mr. Blaine nodded with an at least as big smile as hers but Benjamin seemed to hesitate about this idea. "Oh please Benny, pretty, pretty please. I wanna sing tomorrow, I wanna sing tomorrow. Please."

At first I didn't get what she meant, tomorrow was Friday and we didn't have glee club rehearsals on Friday, but so she started singing and I understood she meant the song called tomorrow. And even though Mady probably didn't have what to call the clearest voice or hit all of the right notes- the duet was nothing else but beautiful to me.

"Yay." Mr. Blaine clapped his hands and the two Heedie's high fived and then Benjamin lifted Mady up on his hip. "Great job." Mr. Blaine high fived with Mady too. "Lea- Marie, I'll come up with something else for you."

"I don't care what as long as I don't have to do it along with Horrid Heedie" Mady turned to Lea- Marie just as Benjamin had let her down onto the floor again.

"My brother is not horrid Heedie, he is not horrid. You are horrid!"

"Mady!" Benjamin scolded- although I didn't quite understand why- well, Mady needed to learn what was okay and not but Lea- Marie for sure was horrid every once in a while and she had blushed at what Mady said which from my point of view was just for the better- maybe it would take her down on earth for a bit.

But seeing Mady had given me an idea that I had had a few weeks ago but not been thinking about with everything else that had been going on, and at Friday night when I and my parents sat in the living room watching some boring movie I brought it up.

"I have been thinking about getting some… kind of job…" I had mum and dad's attention right away. "With everything else that have been going on I just feel like I want and need a… a new start I guess and maybe I could have one with starting to earn a bit of my own money I guess and so…" I silent to let my parents have a say in this.

"Well… Essie you know that… that if you need money for something then… then it's not a problem!" Dad stated and I nodded- I knew, I just wanted kind of a new start. "Well… what kind of job were you thinking about?"

"Maybe baby- sitter like... not for very small children but maybe… kindergarten- age- ish. Do you think it's a bad idea?"

"No, no, no." Dad stated. "I'm just surprised that's all. You know you wouldn't have to do this?"

"I know dad I just… I want to okay? I just want to get out somewhere and… just be and children have a way with making me happy and… yeah that's kind of it actually." Dad hesitated for a while, while mum stood up and came sitting down next to me and laid her arm around my shoulders.

"Well I think it sounds like a wonderful idea. And if you feel like you want to do it without feeling that you need to do it then I think it's lovely but Esme?" I nodded slightly while she stroke my arm. "You need to be careful okay, not to fall back where you have been." I nodded.

"I don't want to go back there mum. And I'm going to make sure I don't need to either"

**Playlist  
Sharon/ Dakota- Let it go- Idina Menzel  
Charlotte/ Belle- Beautiful- Christina Aguilera  
Esme/ Martina- Complicated- Avril Lavigne  
Benjamin/ Mady- Tomorrow- Annie the musical **


	15. Screw it up

**New polyvore **

**-Random for Rachelle Hernandez, mentioned in Martina's pov of this chapter.  
-One outfit each for Belle and Christie, it's the one they have in this chapter **

**I am sorry for leaving you all hanging again. For a while I have had literally no time for writing. But here I am again, with a brand new chapter for you all. **

**Also, there is one storyline in this chapter which is based on something I did last week. The answer to which one is in the bottom A/N. **

**Seth POV **

I barely even got out of my bed during the whole weekend. I hadn't known that anyone could make me feel like this- someone I never even had or barely even knew. So whenever mum, dad or Jess didn't more or less pulled me up and into the kitchen to eat I just laid there and stared into the ceiling, following the lines of cracks in the boards over and over and over again!

So on Monday morning, when I as usual had to pull myself up at six in the morning because I had to leave so early to walk the whole way to school- it really felt useless. Everything I did and was going to do or had done just felt useless. What would be the meaning of anything- did it even have a meaning when I felt like this? I guess not!

But I just had to! Maybe if… if it was like everyone said. This would go on for a while and then fade for me to go back to my usual self. Although now it really felt like this would never come to an end! How could it when it felt like this?

"Hey!" I had to wait a bit for Belle to come outside after I stopped by her house, and when she came out she didn't greet me as happily and bubbly as she used to. I also noticed that she was wearing an orange dress- I had seen her wearing almost any color before, blue was sad, yellow, happy, red angry… but what did orange mean?

And still, I guess I felt so miserable myself I didn't even notice that she was wearing dark blue sneakers. And an ear cuff with sparkly stones that were blue, and looked like drops or water or like tears.

Coming into the school I had to say goodbye for now to Belle right away, she had a lesson first in the morning. But I wouldn't have Mrs. Montague and French until in about half an hour, she had told us last week that she was going to be late. So to keep away from the worst morning rush in the hallway I sneaked into the choir room and sat down by the piano.

I pressed in a few chords and started humming on a song that always reminded me of my biological mum and dad. I didn't remember too much of either themselves or what they did but just that one song I could remember them playing all- the- time, and how much it drove me crazy because as a child that didn't understand English I thought it sounded scary!

I didn't know where the thought about my parents came from all of a sudden, but I guess it was just me- I would stay positive, and stay positive, and stay positive, and stay positive… And then there would be that one thing that not even I could see from the positive side and then all the sorrows from my whole life would just burst up at the same time!

I love my life!

Although the thing was, with everything else that had been going on. That was loads, loads worse than losing a crush I had never had. And if I had been able to get so far with that, then maybe that was worse and maybe this shouldn't feel so bad!

"After school today Liam…" Suddenly the door to the choir room opened and my heart hit an extra beat when I recognized Charlotte Amato…. Then to be replaced by anger when I saw the boy behind her. Even though it might have been wrong- it wasn't his fault if Charlotte felt something for him that she didn't for me.

"Sorry Seth." Charlotte said at last. "We can do it later." They backed away and the door close behind them. Even though just as it closed I saw her spin around so her long, blonde hair flew around her and she looked to Liam. And there just seemed to be something certain in her eyes- that certain thing I couldn't help but wish was there when she looked at me- and I had almost believed was.

Barely thinking about what I was doing the fingers on my right hand started pressing the keys on the piano in the right order, then on my left hand as well and… then I just found the lyrics. It wasn't like I was writing a song- but I heard the song playing somewhere in the school, I knew it and I just needed to play along because I couldn't think of a song more perfect right now!

"Great job" I jumped by someone I hadn't noticed speaking and clapping his hands behind me and almost fell off the piano stool before I straightened up and recognized Mr. Blaine. "Really, really great!" I turned back to the piano and fought the tears away-I couldn't cry! Just not now! They not now, I just couldn't!

"Hey, are you okay?" Mr. Blaine came and leaned against the piano. I nodded and tried to seem discreet when I looked away. "You can talk to me if there's something that bothers you! I'm here for you all you know!" I nodded, but still without looking up at him and pretended to count the cash in my wallet not to have to do it for yet another few seconds.

"Oh…" Mr. Blaine suddenly exclaimed. "You're one of those that keeps like a hundred different photos in your wallet!" I could almost hear him smiling. "Can I see them?" I nodded, still without looking at him even though looking to the side without moving my head I could see his hands and him unfolding the three photos- one of me, mum, dad and Jess, one photo of me at about three, four years old along with my biological parents, and then one photo of me after winning the last swimming race I had applied.

"Is it you in all of the photos?" I nodded. "That your family?" I nodded again when he pointed to the one to the left. "You don't have to tell me if it's too private but… who are they?" He pointed to the middle photo and- it usually wasn't a problem, but with already being so down as I was I could feel it clench in my chest and it was several seconds before I could answer him knowing that my voice wouldn't break.

"They're my biological parents- they died when I was five." Mr. Blaine didn't react in a unique way- I had seen the way they look up and the way they pity and look at me a thousand times before. "It's okay, it was a long time ago and I don't remember them much." I sighed- it was how I always continued it, I didn't want pity- although I guess that having to grow up without my parents- even though my aunt and her husband- who had made the best family I could have ever asked for- you're just never whole again!

"I didn't know you did swimming." Mr. Blaine looked to the third photo and switched the subject. "I didn't know you did swimming!" I suppressed a sigh and pretended to be scratching my leg- feeling the cold metal of the prosthetic beneath the fabric of my jogging pants.

"I don't- anymore." I sighed and quickly reached for my photos and folded them to put them back in my wallet. "I'm sorry, I've got to get to class." I tried to make my voice sound callous, and not to show him I was lying as of a fact it was almost half an hour until class started for real.

"So… well… I'm here if you want to talk." Mr. Blaine said another time and grabbed his bag. I was on my way out the door but backed one step and turned to Mr. Blaine again- I guess the nagging was about wanting an answer- so he was getting an answer!

"I guess I just have a way with screwing it up with anyone, everyone, anything and everything!"

**Martina POV **

"So what I want you all to do…" Mr. Jackson, the social studies teacher said at the lesson on Tuesday. "Is I want you to shoot three different pictures, with a camera or your phone or draw if you're good at that!" He sat half down back towards the teacher's desk as usual. "And I want these pictures to have a theme, a theme about something that means a lot to you- it doesn't have to mean something good."

Mr. Jackson turned around and grabbed papers for everyone that he started handing out. "Since I figured this might take some time for some of you, you will have until in January for doing it. And of course you don't have to decide today." He grabbed another paper from the desk. "But when you do I want you to write your name and theme on this. Anyone decided already?"

"I have" I raised my hand. Mr. Jackson looked slightly surprised and handed me the paper while I pulled up a pencil from my bag and scrabbled down "Martina Kessler- Baseball" On the paper and then handed it back to Mr. Jackson who read on the paper and nodded to me.

"Good idea!" He sat down on the desk again. "So, you will shoot three pictures and the rule is that there has to be a person in every picture, in one picture a child, under fifteen, and one on a bit older from about fifteen to maybe forty, and then one of a person who is older than forty. Have everyone got it?"

There were spread answers in the room while I pulled up my phone of my pocket and searched up the phone number to one of dad's colleagues from the Baseball radio show. He also used to come to ours and watch the big games along with his daughter. And I knew that there was no one who baseball meant so much to as Enrique Hernandez and I also knew he had a daughter named Rachelle who was like twelve, so maybe I could think of something for her as well for one of the other pictures.

_Hey, can I take a few pictures of you at the Baseball pitch you think? It's for a school thingy. _

I sent it away when I felt Mr. Jackson's vision on me and pushed the phone down in my pocket, I felt it vibrate soon after- and was a bit surprised, since usually text messaging or e- mailing to Henry it would take at least two days to get an answer, and I wasn't waiting for any other messages, but decided to check it when I got out of lesson.

_Who are you pedo? _

I shook my head and laughed slightly. Henry had always had a weird sense of humor so it didn't hit me for a minute that it could have been seriously. That I might have sent the message to the wrong person- even though it couldn't right? I had Henry in my contact list and I had called him before so it had to be the right number.

At last I laughed a bit to myself and pressed answer. It was for sure only Henry trying to be funny

_Martina's my name! Not Pedro! _

I pressed send and pushed the phone down in my pocket again while I used my other hand to search through my locker for a folder with sheet music and put it half in my bag before I closed my locker and pressed my- really cool padlock shaped like a skull, closed and then walked down to the choir room where the members of Finn's army had started gathering.

"Hello everyone." Mr. Blaine came into the choir room right after I had sat down. "So… If I'm not a hundred percent wrong you're all teenagers…"

"I'm not a teenager. I'm only six!" Blaine smiled at Mady, and it wasn't hard to tell that he was as always highly amused by the little girl. Like all of us then- even I would have to admit that she was just the cutest thing ever.

"No, I know that Mads." Mr. Blaine continued. "But some day you are going to be. And about a hundred years ago I was." Blaine smiled again. "And one thing about being a teenager is that there is constantly things going on that are confusing and so great and… then something new happens and everything's just falling apart." Blaine sighed. "And then you have something to say and then you don't really know how to say it or express what you're feeling so… this week…"

Mr. Blaine made a pause. "…Is for singing songs about something you would like to say to anyone or just something that is happening right now. It can be pretty much anything, if you feel happy, sing a happy sing. If you feel sad, sing a sad song. If you want to say to someone- sing a song about what you want to say. Everyone gets it?"

There were spread yes's and nods in the room. "Anyone's got a song?" No one spoke up. "Okay then, you just start planning by yourself or with a friend or anyone and I'll be right here if anyone has any questions." Blaine sat down on the piano stool. "Yes Daniel?"

"I've got a song! And I should probably do it before I've had the time to change my mind. Can we do it in the auditorium though? There is a photo I'd love to have in the background while I sing it!" Mr. Blaine nodded and riffled through his papers and lifted them up. Showed us all to come after him to the auditorium and while Daniel stood up and pulled the guitar around to hang on his back in the strap. I could almost swear I saw a tear rolling down his cheek.

For a split moment I wanted to ask him what was wrong, but when I looked back he was looking away and riffling in something on his phone. Coming into the auditorium he hooked the phone into some chords by the stage and a picture showed on the screen in the back.

The picture was of falling leaves, and also a hand, a child's hand, around the wrist there was a hospital wristband but I couldn't read the name of it or anything like that, and whoever's hand it was she was reaching out to grab a leaf. And I couldn't help but notice that the arm was unnaturally skinny compared to the hand. As if the person was very, very skinny.

"No questions about the photo okay!" Was the first thing Daniel said in the microphone. "Not that it's anything special with it. I found it on google." It was pretty clear that he was lying. "But I thought it suited the song." He took a few tabs on the guitar and started playing, before he leaned closer to the microphone again and started singing.

I had heard the song many times before and the beautiful song along with the dark, somewhat hoarse and troubled tone in Daniel's voice made shivers go through my body. Damn it, it was beautiful!

"Are you okay Dan?" Mr. Blaine asked when Daniel had played through the song and was working with his phone to then pull it out and the picture disappeared from the big screen. "You know you can talk to me right?" Daniel nodded.

"Yeah… what do you call that thing? Some people just kind of go… down during the fall and I guess… I guess I'm one of those."

God, Daniel wouldn't be able to lie to save his life. He was lying about finding the picture on google, and he was lying about this only being one of those fall- depressions. I wanted to ask him about it but before I had the chance Bradon stood up and started talking.

"When I…. when we got to know that one of us in here is originally from Sweden we thought that… well… since I kind of know Swedish… So we were making Seth feel welcome in his first language… ad doing a great song- I and Keagan and if Seth or someone else knows the lyrics then you're all free to sing with us."

Bradon and Keagan walked up on stage just as the same time as my phone buzzed again and I pulled it up to read it. Well now Henry would have to have stopped fooling around wouldn't he? Well… as long as he wasn't sitting with my dad- then he would never stop!

_Who are you Pedo? How old are you? _

I felt a frown form between my eyes. Did I really have the right number? Well… I had called Henry before and then it worked perfectly well so it couldn't be wrong! And I was just on my way to text "Seventy two… no seriously!" When the thought hit me that I probably shouldn't- just in case! And just then I had a message asking if I knew who the person writing was.

_Do you know who I am? _

I thought for a second and then just as the intro to Bradon and Keagan's song came on- sounding like a typical childrens' song intro came blasting through the speakers and them both started singing- obviously in Swedish- I didn't understand a word! And then I answered.

_Enrique? _

I decided to just let it go until I had had another answer from Henry- or whoever it was messaging me. And looked up and down towards the stage were Bradon and Keagan were singing, and more jumping than dancing around at the same time as Seth had stood up and was jumping up the stairs to the stage and started singing with them- obviously with a clearer and less American accent than Bradon and Keagan.

"Great job guys." Mr. Blaine stood up and clapped his hands and then went into the stairs and high fived all of the three guys that came half running from the stage and up the stairs. "I did not understand a word of what you were singing but wow… what an energy! So is there anyone else who would like to preform today…"

Just as Mr. Blaine had asked and the room fell silent my phone buzzed again and I opened the case and unlocked my phone so I could read it.

_I'm Enrique's daughter Rachelle, he's got a new phone and I got this _

"Oh F*CK" I swore loudly, so the whole auditorium and everyone in it turned to look at me. "Oh no, oh F*CK no!" I closed the phone case and stood up quickly. "I'm sorry Mr. Blaine and so… I've got to go and call…" I was on my way to press Henry's number. "Oh no… I'll… I'll need to call up my dad. Oh I'm dying this is so embarrassing!"

I stumbled up the stairs while I pulled my bag over my shoulder and riffled through my phone contacts list to get my dad's number- either he'd have Henry's new number, or he would be at work and if he was at work Henry was probably there too.

"Hey hon." Dad answered quickly for once- and I was grateful for that even though I didn't let him continue before I started speaking.

"Dad are you at work?"

"Yes… why?"

"Is Henry there?" Dad answered me yes sounding kind of confused. "Can I talk to him?"

"He's busy, what's going on? If you tell me I'll tell him"

"I was going to text message Henry to ask if he could be model for some pictures I have to take for school so I texted him and asked about it. But I got back a weird answer so I thought it was him trying to be funny but it turned out the number now goes to Rachelle instead of Henry so now Rachelle thinks I'm a pedophile!"

Dad broke down laughing- something that I had expected to happen but that didn't mean I didn't hate him for it. This was traumatic couldn't he see that? "Oh Marti" He sighed at last "You sure do have a way of ending up screwing up in such unexpected ways don't you?"

**Bradon POV **

I couldn't say otherwise than that I had loads of fun performing the song, even though I didn't understand all of the words- even though I was on my third year taking Swedish classes. And even though it was a children's song it was just amazingly fun to sing and to do and… I just had a great time along with my friends.

Then suddenly Martina ran off and after that the glee club went completely silent- must be the first time! "What's up with her?" Keagan asked, more to himself than to anyone else. I just shrugged and no one else seemed to know the answer either. "Has anyone else got a song to preform?" It went silent again. "Okay, off you go!"

I grabbed my backpack and pulled it on and then walked along with Keagan up the stairs and through the hallway. Where Martina stood, talking loud into her phone talking about that someone Henry's Rachelle thought that she was a pedophile…. Weird things happening in today's community aren't there?

I didn't have anything to do with it though so I just let it go and walked outside and away towards our block. "SETH?" I shouted to Seth who was before me along with Belle and he turned and looked to me. "Why do you always walk to and from school? It must take you like an hour!"

"An hour and a half" Seth corrected and I raised an eyebrow. "I just don't like going into cars or buses." I nodded, but couldn't help but notice how tense he seemed saying that almost as if there really was something- something that really bothered him that was the reason he didn't like it- or if he was lying to me.

But well, I didn't have anything to do with it so I just let it go, and then I and Keagan turned in one direction towards the Lima stables and Seth and Belle were turning in the other to walk up the road in the opposite direction from us.

"When are you getting rid of the stitches by the way?" Keagan asked and half pointed to the stitches on my forehead after I hit the car door in my face. "You're going to get a scar? Look like Harry Potter?" I laughed at him- Keagan had a way with getting something good out of things that probably shouldn't be getting good things out of.

"Saturday" I answered. "They actually only do it Monday to Friday, but Carole was really mad about that they thought they could just leave it for that long, so she talked me into coming there so she can do it herself."

"Crazy woman that is!"

I couldn't help but laugh. "Well… she's very caring I guess and… sometimes she actually does kind of crazy things to show it. Especially after Finn died I guess." I sighed. "It's like caring for others is easier than taking care of herself- poor thing!"

"She knew Finn?"

"Finn was her son… But I really don't want to talk about him right now, I'm in such a good mood after that song I can be sad some other time." I smirked and Keagan laughed and lightly slapped the back of my head- without it being so hard so it would hurt of course. "Did you hear about Mr. Jackson's new assignment?" Keagan shook his head and I explained it.

"He's a good teacher isn't he?" Keagan pushed the stall door to Alma's stall open and I sat down on a sheaf of hay in the midway of the stables while Keagan tied Alma to the wall and started brushing her so she could go outside later. "He's got many original ideas and assignments that are actually fun to do instead of just the old same things all over again"

I nodded agreeing. "I had an idea to do this… about music!" Keagan nodded and seemed like he thought it was a good idea. "For the first picture… do you remember my little cousins Jake, he is six and then his sister Lea who is one?" Keagan nodded. "I have just started teaching Jake how to play the guitar and he… he can sit for hours and play it as much as he can and take the same chord like a thousand times only to keep on playing so he will keep Lea happy. So that was my idea for the first picture."

"What's your idea for the second picture? Me?"

"Actually yes." Keagan snorted with laugh. "I remember you told me when you're singing or whatever with music you're neither a girl nor a boy… you're just you and you can just feel like… whoever else!" Keagan nodded. "So will you be my model? I thought I was going to just draw the pictures instead of photographing so you might have to sit still for a while!" Keagan laughed.

"I'm not promising anything. But I promise I will let you, and I promise I'll do my best!" He sighed happily. "What's your idea for the third one?" I shook my head, I didn't have one for the last picture yet. And no matter how much I thought of it I couldn't think of one… all until we were walking home and I passed the house Finn and Carole had lived in when I was little.

"Carole!" Keagan looked to me and raised an eyebrow. "Carole!"

"I'm Keagan as you might remember!"

"No, I mean for the last drawing for the assignment. I think she told us that sometimes she'd listen to some of Finn's favorite songs… so music is important and… I've got all of my motives planned out." I pushed my hand through my hair. "I'll text her right now and ask." I pulled up my phone of my pocket and quickly pressed the right letters.

_I have a school assignment, I was going to draw three drawings of people who do something important with music- and I thought about that you said you'd listen to Finn's favorite songs. And I was wondering if you'd like to be model for my drawing doing that? Of course you don't have to, but it would be great if you would.  
-Bradon_

I had barely sent the message when I stumbled on a crack in the road, I still had the phone in my hand and accidentally threw it right in the asphalt when I stumbled.

"Oh boy!" Keagan picked up my phone, the screen was so cracked there was no way I would be able to use it now- damn it, new and everything. "You don't always screw up, but when you do- you do it hard!"

**Christie POV **

On Wednesday morning- well, came one of my most dreaded moments of the whole day. And it was the same thing every single day. I would sit for half an hour to pull in my shoelaces to have the shoes getting as wide as they possibly could to even get them on onto my feet which were swollen from edema- oh the joys with renal!

Then, when I finally had the shoes on, I would sit for another half hour and try to tie the shoelaces- another hard thing to do, I had edema in my fingers as well! And then at last when I just had to admit I couldn't do it. And then I would spend yet another half hour to gather all I needed mentally to ask someone to help me, and then another half hour until the skin color on my face was back to normal from blushing because I was so freaking ashamed.

Fourteen years old and I couldn't even tie my own shoelaces? Well done Christie Kyemohr! Well done!

But I hadn't had the time to do else then sit down on the bench in the hallway and pick up the first shoe when the living room door opened from the other side and Kurt came and sat down next to me with something that looked much alike a shoebox in his hands. I didn't care much for it- buying new shoes would be like him I'd guess!

"Here." Suddenly Kurt handed me the box. I, who wasn't actually prepared for that just looked at him as if he had gone mad- which he probably had if he was buying me new shoes since I pretty much hated new shoes and never bought them new if my current ones weren't falling to pieces yet!

"What is it?" I asked kind of rudely, I could see Kurt suppressed a sigh when he pulled the box back onto his own lap and opened it and lifted up a shoe, some sort of sneaker without laces and held them up. "I don't need new shoes. I'm perfectly fine with the ones I've got!" Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Okay, okay… maybe I'm not but… I don't need new shoes and I don't need anything from you!"

"These are slip on's." He stated- as if that would make any sense to me. "They don't have laces or buttons or anything else you need to fasten to get them on and off!" I glared at him- I could see that! "I figured they might be good for you since you wouldn't have to spend so much time tying and untying the shoelaces and then asking one of us to do it- you wouldn't have to since there's nothing to tie!"

I didn't answer, just grabbed the first one of the shoes and pulled it on, then the same with the other one and grabbed my keys and my headphones. Then when Kurt started saying something I span around and fizzled at him.

"What with- I don't want renal to control everything in my life is it that you don't get?"

Just as I said it Carole came into the hallway, she looked at me in that way that made it feel like I had done something way too bad and made her disappointed- which I guess I had- or I was doing it! I mean how could there be anyone who wasn't disappointed in the way I had turned out to be. I mean- I couldn't do anything, I couldn't be anything without messing it up!

"I was only trying to help!" Kurt's voice had gone kind of low and sad. "I'm sorry." Without another word he turned around and walked into the living room again, and I looked back to Carole who seemed to want me to say anything.

"What?"

"Couldn't you at least try not to be so rude all the time?" She asked right out, I didn't answer! I just couldn't admit it- I had done nothing wrong! Kurt was the one that had done wrong with doing all of that when I had asked specifically I didn't want it to be such a fuss about all of this! "Well… Can you tell Bradon yes from me please? If he wants to, I can help him with that assignment!"

I raised an eyebrow, what damn assignment?

"Can you just tell him that? He sent me a text message about it yesterday but I can't answer because there's something wrong with my phone!" I hesitated, then nodded slightly. "Thanks Chris!" I shrugged and then walked out the door, because I didn't want to stay here for another minute and hadn't spent so much time with shoelaces, I would be at least an hour early for school, but for right now I couldn't really care less and I just plugged the headphones into my phone and then turned the music on shuffle.

I didn't actually care much for the music playing, just walked towards the bus stop and got on the bus, which was almost empty since most of them who went towards McKinley would get on either the next one, or the one after that and still be on time. And then I just sat and watched outside the window at trees, houses and a few people passing by outside, without really seeing any of it.

I hadn't expected anyone to be at school, so I kept my headphones in, I probably would have anyway! Even if there would have been someone wanting to talk to me I for sure did not want to talk to them. And no one would have anything important anyway! I guess I'd know if there was anything important!

"Bradon." I spotted Bradon on the other side of the hallway and shouted to get his attention, he must too be here early with his friend that girl- boy Teeghan or whatever! "Carole wanted me to tell you, yes, she will help you with your assignment, but she couldn't answer the text message because her phone's not working!"

"Oh…" Bradon smiled. "Can you tell her…." I didn't let him get any further than that.

"I'm not your assistant or postman am I! If you want her something then just get yourself to hers yourself!" Before Bradon had had the time to say anything else I spun around and walked down to the auditorium, only walked onto the stage and sat down, and then I just sat there… for a long while I just sat there and stared right in front of me without really seeing anything.

I had pulled the headphones out when I talked to Bradon, after sitting on the stage for a while I put them into my ears again and put the music on shuffle again. And even if I did just that, a song that perfectly suited everything that had made me in a bad mood this morning- and every other morning, came on and I started singing along.

I was just a disappointment! To everyone and everyone- I couldn't do anything right! And then dad had gotten enough with what I told him and sent me across whatever to his sister- I mean, my dad wasn't a good guy but even for him to do something like that would be a bit over the top wouldn't it? So it had to be because of me!

It felt as if I didn't want the song to end, just wanted to stay in this song and it would make me just feel like I wasn't alone! But at the same time I wanted it to end like yesterday! Just so maybe it wouldn't feel so hard!

I didn't expect anyone to be in the auditorium, even if I had been sitting on the stage for a good while it was still early. And that was why I jumped, and then stood up and span around so I almost fell down from the stage when I heard a voice behind me.

"Oh Chris…" I stood up and faced Daniel who stood in the curtains. How much had he heard? Well… reading his expressions… enough! And I did not want his pity! "You know that… that I'm here for you right?" I sighed- I didn't need him! I didn't need anyone!

"What is it with you?" I fizzled at last. "You just turn up anywhere and everywhere! Are you like stalking me or something? What do you want with me? I don't need you and we…" I pointed from me to him, back to me a few times. "Will never be friends okay! And nothing else either if that's what you thought!"

I didn't let Daniel answer before I turned around and stormed out of the auditorium and into a crowded hallway as people had started coming! It was good I guess- everyone were taller and bigger than me and I'd get lost in the crowd- I wouldn't be going towards a certain goal and people wouldn't see me if they tried!

I fought the conscience about fizzling like that to Daniel- after all, he was the only one here that had as much as tried to show that he was my friend- the only one of them that wasn't a part of Carole's new family that was. Actually not only here in Lima- but counting West Bridgewater too!

I felt bad for more than talking to Daniel like that, talking to Kurt like that, talking to Bradon like that and pretty much everything I had ever done! Or everything I had not done- maybe if I had just done something differently… then maybe Finn would still be… No Christie don't think about that!

I guess I had just screwed it up! Screwed everything up! With mum! With dad! With Toby! With Finn! The list could go on forever.

There was no way I would admit I was wrong in all of this, screwing it up with the only one that had tried to be my friend because he wanted to and not because he had to just made it one more name on the list- I couldn't care less!

Because I had screwed everything up with myself as well!

**So… well… You might think that what happens to Martina with the text messaging and everything is kind of weird, but the thing is it's exactly what happened to me a bit ago. Yep! Epic fail! **

**Playlist  
Seth- I wish- One direction  
Daniel- wake me up when September ends- Green Day  
Bradon/ Keagan- Tjabba, tjena, hallå- Depending on which version it's either Nicke och Mojje or Nicke och Nilla. (I'll pm out translations of lyrics)  
Christie- Perfect- Simple plan**

**So… I don't know when I will have the next chapter up so if it won't be until after Christmas then Merry Christmas and a happy new year- or as I say it- God jul och gott nytt år. **


	16. What have I done?

**New Polyvores**

**-New random- edit for Christie, and Randoms for Avery Benson- whom is mentioned in this chapter, and his little sister Freya Benson who might turn up or at least be mentioned later into the story.  
-Also added to the collection, a random- edit for a minor named Malora Stone- whom is in this chapter. That edit is made by LocalXmusicXjellybeanX  
-An edit with an outfit each for Jasper and Evie- the one for Evie is the one she has in this chapter. **

**Hey, hello. So here we are again, I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**Charlotte POV **

I was walking down the hallway on Wednesday afternoon, just coming out of the classroom after the last lesson of the day and suddenly someone bumped into me and I couldn't help but stumble and fell onto the floor while all my books spread out and an eraser with a round shape rolled away over the stone floor.

"Oh I am so, so so… rry!" I heard and I turned my head to check who I had bumped into and I couldn't help but recognize Seth's green eyes, pale complexion and brown hair. "I'm sorry." He gave me back one of the books that had fallen to the floor and I tried to start talking but he was already on his way down the hallway again.

I didn't really get what was going on with Seth. The thing was I really, really liked him! And I had been thinking that he liked me too! He just seemed to look at me in that special way- even though I kept on telling myself that it was only because I wished he would so badly- but he had been talking to me- often! And starting of conversations and things before glee club and such and with everything it really made me feel like he liked me back in the same way as I liked him.

But the whole of this week he had just seemed to avoid me. He hadn't even looked to me once during the glee club while I kept on looking back to him to check if he was noticing me, and I had even seen him turn around in the hallway when he saw me to walk away from me. And I just couldn't get why!

For what must have been the hundredth time in the last few days I tried to go through what I had said and done the last time I had talked to Seth before he went like this. And even though I knew I had a way with doing everything wrong I couldn't think of one thing that would make people go all like this and avoid me.

I sighed and crawled along the floor to get my eraser, but just as I caught it someone kicked me, and I fell onto the side and could just see the quite tall and muscular basketball- guy Avery Benson turn around and smirked at me.

"Watch where you are fatty!" He said in a mean tone and then laughed as he turned around. While I- who needed to take a moment to just understand what it was that he had said, and for a moment I just froze until I- blinded by tears that were quickly rising in my eyes stumbled onto my feet and towards the bathrooms where I quickly locked myself in a stall and took the few steps that I would be able to walk from one wall to the other back and forth back and forth before I shakily pulled up my phone with one hand and got the text- conversation with Liam up while the other hand I lifted and held the finger tips to my lips.

It wouldn't take me long! I had eaten way too much for lunch today and if I did it then it would not take me half of the time to get rid of it as it had taken to actually eat it from the start. Just a few seconds of work and I wouldn't ever have to worry about those calories again.

I hated throwing up! I know- no one likes it but I was literally terrified of it and maybe it was just that knowledge that made me lower my hand and press in the fast number to Liam's cell while lifting the phone to my ear.

"Hey Lottie." Liam answered when barely one single signal had gone by. "I really…" I knew he'd say that he had practice and couldn't take. But I also knew our "code" that would have Liam know that this was important and I couldn't just hang up.

"Nine, one, one." I said before I had the time to change my mind, and for a split second the phone just went completely silent until I could hear Liam's voice on the other end, and I could hear on his voice that he was running and probably out of the gym and towards the direction he knew where I would be!

"Where are you?" I took a deep breath and tried to remember which one of the bathrooms I had gone into. "Charlie, where are you? What are you doing?" I bit my lip. I wasn't so sure how Liam would react! I knew he had been there for me through it all the last time- but I had never felt the urge to actually make myself throw up before!

And what if he just through that saw how disgusting I was? What if he refused to stay there for me when I once again had almost hurt myself with all of this again and had almost been too weak to fight it? What if he'd just get tired of it all and leave? What if?

"Charlie where are you?" Liam asked again and woke me up from my thoughts. When the thought hit me that I was in the girls' bathroom I slowly lowered my other hand and unlocked the stall door and on shaky legs I walked out of the bathroom and out in the hallway, where I saw Liam almost instantly at the same time as he saw me so I just hung up.

"Are you okay?" Liam frowned when he came over, and laid his arm around my shoulders. "What's going on?" I held up a hand to silent him and stop the questions so I could just pause to be able to actually answer him some time. Even though, for a moment I could just stand there and tried to catch my breath so I would be able to say anything.

"Come on, we'll go in here." The hallway was crowded so Liam pulled me with him across it and into the choir room that was all empty and all silent. Liam then pulled me across the floor and gently pushed me down onto the piano chair and then sat down by me and took my hands in his.

"I- I…" I paused to catch my breath. "I was pushed by someone and then someone else pushed me again and he called me fatty…" Liam growled and his eyes went black but I didn't let him say anything before I continued. "And I just… I just thought that I would… I felt like I just had to you know…" Here went everything! "…That I would make myself throw up!" I silent, and the silence was for a moment thick enough to touch while none of us moved or talked.

"Oh Charlie!" Liam said at last and pulled me close and pulled his arm around me further so he could stroke my arm. "First of all- you are not fat! Damn it Charlie you're practically skin and bones after everything that was going on last year so whoever said it he was wrong. And second… who was it that pushed you?"

I sighed, I didn't really want to hang anyone out because I knew that Liam would be angry with him. "The first one was Seth." I said at last. "But it was an accident but he just… it seems like he's avoiding me and I just don't get why because earlier it actually seemed like he really liked me." I sighed. "And the one that called me… that! It was Avery Benson" Liam sighed and let go of my hands to rub his forehead.

"I'll deal with him. And I… I took mum's car this morning so… I think you should go home and rest after all of this… I can skip practice today." He stood up and pulled me along with him before I had had the time to protest about it and pulled me along with him through the school and away towards the parking lot and his mum's car.

"What was it that you said about Seth?" Liam asked when we were home and we were walking through the hallway towards each of our rooms. "Has he been avoiding you?" I shrugged. "What's going on then?" I shrugged again. "Come on Charles. I can see you want to talk about it, you can talk to me you know!"

"I… Only I…" I sighed. "I don't know. At first he was just really sweet and he was talking to me and everything. I… Even though I am like I am I almost thought that he might like me- like really like me! And then since the beginning of this week he have just… like he just seems like he doesn't want anything to do with me… I guess I could understand that! I don't want anything to do with me either!" I sighed and Liam patted my shoulder just as my sister came out of mine and her room.

"Well I don't want anything to do with you either! As soon as I turn eighteen I will be out of here and then I won't need to have anything to do with you again!" I sighed and Liam glared at his older step sister- if only glares could kill! Why did she have to be so mean all the time and talk about business that wasn't hers?

I sighed again and walked into our room and closed the door after me, but still heard Frances talking to her friend Lucy Everlark who obviously was at ours- again! They were both just as bad so her being here didn't make too much difference to me. I heard the door to Liam's room close while I sighed yet another time and sunk down into the arm chair and pulled my feet up.

It was so easy for Frances to get into business that was mine and not hers- she knew everything about me anyway! All of my secrets! All of the secrets that everyone knew anyway. And I couldn't blame her for hating me! Whom wouldn't know all of that about one single person and not hate her? I really couldn't blame her!

But the other way around- there wasn't anything I could do to her because I knew nothing about her! Well… I knew that her favorite writer was John Green, that she liked shopping and that she was co-captain of the cheerios. But I didn't have anything that I could turn against her like she could turn everything about me against me in the way she did.

I wasn't much for revenge! It might only make things worse and worse and worse but I was tired of hearing her throw whatever she wanted at me while I didn't have anyone at me! And I couldn't help but notice that her diary- a black, furry thing with the text "Hands off" on the front that I knew she wrote everything about herself in. And I really tried to fight the urge to pick it up and read it.

But the thought of that if I read it I might have something to put against her the next time that she went on me made the urge so strong- maybe just a little bit! And so I reached my hand over the arm support of the chair and grabbed the book and opened it since she hadn't locked it before she walked out into the kitchen.

_How am I going to tell her that I love her as more as just a friend? How am I going to tell her that I fell in love with her the first time I saw her on the first day of High school? How am I going to tell her that we might be best friends but I want us to be more than that? How am I going to tell her that every time I see her or hear her voice my heart is beating as if it would hop out of my chest and it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen? _

_How am I going to tell Lucy that I'm in love with her without screwing up? And how am I supposed to tell everyone else that I fall in love with girls? _

"Charlotte!" I looked up and woke up from my thoughts when I heard someone call my name and saw Frances standing right inside the doorway and right behind her was Lucy. As usual Lucy was looking down at me as if she was so much better than me while Fran looked from me, to the book in my hand, and then back to me with a frightened expression.

And with this I had done what I had promised myself never to do! I had let myself sink to their level- with doing this I was no better than her!

What have I done?

**Belle POV **

I sighed where I sat in my bed, it was late Wednesday night, drawing close to midnight, but I couldn't sleep so I just lied there and stared up into the ceiling hugging the soft pillow that was round like a ball and looked like a pug. And just… just lied there and did nothing else than those two things- and wondering about what I had said and done to Seth for about the millionth time since Friday.

It wasn't that I had wanted to hurt Seth! Only, maybe just… just if it was a little while that it would take until Seth learned that the part about Liam being Charlotte's boyfriend was a lie- maybe his feelings for her would have faded! Then maybe… Maybe if it took that long for him then maybe I could have a chance! Maybe there would be a chance that Seth would feel the same way about me as I felt about him!

I sighed and turned on my side before I pushed myself up and took the photo frame that stood on my bedside table. It was a photo frame shaped as letters creating the word "Love" and inside the O was a frame that I had put a photo of me and Lenny in. The photo had been taken some summer night and the light was beautiful with me and Lenny sitting at our porch steps- him with his arm around my shoulders and I with my arms pulled around his waist tightly.

We both had big smile on our faces, but what it hid just squeezed my heart. We had both known then that it was the last night we had together before he had to leave to serve in countries I barely even knew the names of. And we both had known that if something similar as what happened to our dad over there happened to him- I might never see him again!

Lenny had been there for more than one year ago, we video- chatted every once in a while and he had told me that after coming home he would stay home for a while, maybe for a few years to then later decide about what he was going to do after that. Not because he felt it was worthless, or because he didn't want to return but he had told me he had wanted to move in with the girlfriend he had had since high school- Shauna, that maybe just be with her and with us for a while and then maybe make a family of his own when and if it would be time for that.

Then it was only that we didn't know when he would come home, only that it was unlikely that he'd be home before Christmas and New Year's, and it was especially hard right now, even though after someone being gone for more than one year you expect that you would have gotten used to it, but I missed him more than ever.

I wanted for Lenny to be here- now more than ever! He was the only one I knew I could tell if I had done wrong and hurt someone that I knew wouldn't be mad at me, and would know the exact right thing to say. And because I hadn't even been able to video chat with him for several weeks, even though I couldn't tell him it over a computer.

No! If I were to tell my brother about all of this I would need him to be here, or at least that we were together! Only then he would be able to take me in his arms when I started crying- because even though I rarely cried I would cry telling him this- mostly because I was so freaking ashamed of myself and couldn't believe what I had done!

I sighed and put the frame back on the bedside table. And once again lied down to try and sleep. But still I couldn't. So the whole night I just lied and threw myself back and forth until I at last fell asleep long after midnight, and far from enough hours until the alarm would ring again so I would have to get up and get to school.

In the morning I had a text message from Seth that he wanted to walk on his own to school, so there was nothing else for me to do then to just walk with myself and my thoughts the whole way to William McKinley and well there I walked straight over to the choir room and jumped up to sit on the piano.

I sighed and started singing on a song that somehow just felt like it suited right now. Like, maybe when the truth would come out Seth would be so angry with how I had lied and hurt him so badly, maybe he would just break up with our friendship and even though I might have wanted more- wouldn't even want me as a friend anymore!

Well… that's karma for you Belle Jolie! You got yourself into this mess, now let's see how you get out!

It might not have been the picture of a war. There was no blood, no murders, no guns… Only me fighting the war with myself about one part of me wanting to find Seth and tell him the truth, while the rest of me was just too afraid that Seth would be too hard to forgive while a third part of me was just too ashamed of what I had done to tell.

Finishing the song I sighed again and then leaned forward and put my head in my hands and then sat like that for at least a minute or two before I sat up and in attempt to distract myself I put up a paper block I had in my bag for drawing and designing clothes and riffled through it before I reached an empty page and pulled up a pencil and started sketching.

But not even that could distract me fully this time. My mind was just too taken over by what I had done and everything. And the drawings just gave me another thought that I knew was true and that just wouldn't leave me alone. Even though I wanted it to and did my best to suppress it it would always come back.

My dreams did not mean a thing! It didn't matter how much I wanted to draw and design clothes or how much I was crushing on Daniel Vincent in my Freshman year or how much I was crushing on Seth now! It really didn't matter- my parents dreams about me becoming a doctor, Daniel's way with being so withdrawn and never letting anyone come close and Seth's crush on Charlotte- it was way more important than what I was feeling.

And I had gotten myself into this mess with just once being stupid and foolish enough to let myself come first. And hurt anyone and everyone I could have in the process, even though I was studying and planning to get into medical school, my crush on Daniel since long had faded, I had just let it go too far about me about this new crush!

What have I done?

**Dakota POV **

I really hated English class!

I sighed where I sat and leaned back a bit and took the book and leaned it against the edge of the desk to switch position. And then sighed another time while I concentrated, I really tried concentrating on the book but my thoughts were just spinning away to Benjamin and to dad and about anything and everything else so the letters just kept on floating together and I couldn't read it!

The stress about that I had to finish this book in two more weeks and for me it was a really thick book didn't exactly make it better either!

"Is it going alright for you?" I heard over my head and looked up to see Mr. Angelo frown down towards me. "Sighing twice in a matter of seconds? And they sounded as if they came all the way from the heart!?" I shook my head, but Mr. Angelo must have been watching me for a bit because he seemed to realize something and showed me to come with him and walked before me out in the hallway and across the hall into an empty classroom where he closed the door so no one would be able to hear us.

"Mr. Lopez." He started and pulled his glasses of and held the tip of the bow against his chin as some people do when they're talking very seriously. "I have been seeing a few things that you do that I have seen before with other students and they usually come down to the same thing. And it's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and I want you to answer me truthfully because if I'm right about this then I can help you.

"What do you want?" I asked quite rudely- come on! There were two hundred and thirteen pages in that book and I had two hundred and eight left- I needed to get on with it. "Is it important because if not…?" I silent when Mr. Angelo held up his hand to stop me and the very tall man leaned forward slightly to reach my height.

"Mr. Lopez… Do you have trouble with reading?" I almost choke when he said it- or pretended to seem like it. Yes I did have trouble reading! The letters just floated together and if I read I usually couldn't understand a word of what it was I was reading- unless it was with big text like the text they use to text on TV- for some reason that went better!

"None of your business!" I said at last. And he sighed and rose again.

"Mr. Lopez! If you do have it's nothing to be ashamed for!" Mr. Angelo pulled his glasses on again and scratched his neck. "If you tell me then I'm going to be helping you! Now- do you have trouble reading- you know I can't tell anyone about it so if you have it also stays between you and me." I sighed.

"Yes… I have Dyslexia!"

"Okay… So… I have this book we're reading right now on you know what are they called… on tape but not on tape but in my computer. If you want to and could give me your e- mail address then I can mail it over to you tonight and you can just listen to it and everything will be fine!" I nodded, and Mr. Angelo found a paper and pulled up a pencil from his pocket and I wrote up my e- mail address for him. "Thanks. Now let's get back to cla…" He hadn't even finished the sentence when the bell rang to warn for the end of the day, and I didn't even look at him before I hurried into the classroom to get my things and then down the hallway to my locker to leave my things there before it was time for glee club.

"So… soldiers!" Blaine greeted us- well… an army- as Finn's army as he called us- had soldiers didn't they? "We're still on the week with songs that suit something we're going through or something we want to say. So is there anyone who have got a song to preform today?" He smiled sheepishly and glanced over his group while two of the members raised their hands. "Martina? Benjamin? Oh isn't Mady here today?" Blaine almost seemed sad while Benjamin- who seemed a lot more serious than usual answered him no.

"Well…" Benjamin looked to Martina and gestured for her to go out. "Ladies first!" Martina's eyes darkened.

"Well then I guess you will be going first then!" She snorted, but stood up and walked down onto the floor and turned to us others while Blaine sat down in front of me and Martina seemed to want to say something first.

"Well… earlier this week…" Martina sighed. "… Then when I suddenly ran out of the auditorium on Tuesday it was because…" She sighed. "…Because a misunderstanding and me having the wrong phone number led to that my dad's colleague's twelve year old thought I was a pedophile." The room suddenly fell really, really silent.

"And I mean…" Martina sighed again. "…This time it was but a misunderstanding and such but I mean… Such things happen but… the real things also happen… to people it should never happen to! And I'm not just talking about pedophiles I'm talking abuse, death, illnesses anything like that you could possibly think of. And I guess I… I'd like to believe there is something that keep us all safe when we need it the most so that's why I chose this song!"

I had from the beginning disliked Martina, she had a way that I did not appreciate and made me feel kind of awkward. And at the same time she had a style that I usually felt like people only dressed in to get attention or whatever else! And I just didn't like her! Or country music! So maybe I shouldn't have been so amazed by the performance she did.

But it was for sure amazing! Martina's voice along with the country song was just… like the perfect match! And I couldn't help but to sit and just listen closely during the whole performance and if I knew myself right I did have my mouth opened and the world's silliest look on my face! Oh heck! Let me have that expression then!

"Wow Martina!" Mr. Blaine clapped with us others when she had let the last tone rang out. "That was really, really good. Okay then… Benjamin?" Benjamin stood up and nodded. And I couldn't help but notice that he seemed nervous and sweaty walking down onto the floor and sat down by the piano.

"Ehrm…" He cleared his throat. "I don't think that this song will take much explanation but the thing is… You have all met my sister Mady and you have probably all heard her ask me if daddy's going to be home when we come home and then me answering that he's away on a trip… and the thing is… you might have guessed already but… Our dad isn't coming home!" Benjamin took a deep and quite shaky breath. "…He died last year. And I still haven't been able to tell her!" The room fell so silent you could almost touch the silence. "Oh well…" Benjamin sniveled. "I'll just get on with the song."

Benjamin turned to the piano and started playing, and even though I could tell he was doing his best to seem tough and hard as a stone as if he didn't feel what he did, his voice sounded weirdly shaky- almost weaker than usual through the whole song. Which by the way wasn't actually my type of music either- but damn with Benjamin doing it like that it was just too beautiful.

When he was done I could see Benjamin was fighting hard not to just break down crying as he came back into the back row and sat down next to me and I hesitated and then slightly patted his shoulder. Benjamin didn't make a move as if he actually had felt it at all. So I decided to just pull my hand back and let Benjamin mind his own business as long as he was still fighting not to cry.

"So everybody." Mr. Blaine seemed touched by Benjamin's performance and sniveled and dried the tears from his eyes before he could continue. "Well, Benjamin, you know where I am if you need to talk. That goes to all of you others as well. Now I was just going to tell you that I've been in touch with the pianist we had in the glee club when I was here and he have accepted to come here again when we have glee club and play with us so we won't have to do so many songs with our phones or acapella." Mr. Blaine scratched his neck. "I think that's it for today. But next week I need to see you all already after your last class on Monday to talk to you all for a bit. So make sure you are all here then!"

When the others started gathering their things I glanced to Benjamin, he didn't move a muscle until the door had closed after the last one- finally when it was only me and him left in the room he broke down and started sobbing. Not for long- at the most for twenty seconds before he pulled himself together again.

"Thanks." I patted his shoulder and reached him a tissue I found in my bag. "You're a good friend Kota!" He stood up. "I gotta get to work now!" He took his bag and pulled it on while I did the same and walked with him during silence out of the school and down the road to Hummel's tire shop. And we had started drawing quite close and could see the shop when Benjamin said anything again.

"You know- Carole- the woman who were at the auditions?" I nodded. "She's awesome! I mean… she was at the shop to talk to Burt when I was there. And she heard me talking onto the phone with mum about that I would need to take Mady to the mall because she needs new shoes. And then she said- because I like clothes and shoes I just hate shopping and she noticed, that she could do it and just bring Mady to the shop later. And when I tried to protest she just said something about that she needed to go to the mall anyway and that it would be fun!"

"That's a great thing to do!" I nodded. "I haven't met her except for on Auditions but it seems like… she is just willing to be there for anyone who needs it- whatever they need!" Benjamin nodded agreeing. "And I mean who couldn't love a person like that?" Benjamin chuckled and shook his head at me while he opened the door to the shop and I followed him inside and greeted Burt Hummel politely inside before I stopped Benjamin to talk to him.

"Look Benji! I know it's not what you want to hear but you need to hear it… Look… I think that you know that telling Mady about what happened to your dad isn't going to get any easier…" Burt tried to say something and I held up a hand. "Hold on a minute sir… I think you should just come right out and tell her that Jay isn't going to come back…" Benjamin suddenly had a frightened expression as he lifted his hands and forced me to spin around- and in the doorway to the office stood no one else than Mady Heedie herself- with an expression very much alike Benjamin's right now.

"What?" She whimpered. "Daddy's not going to come back? Benjamin! Benjamin say his wrong please!" Oh damn, I hadn't realized she stood in the door and then just talked to Benjamin- so that Mady had heard me say that Jay Heedie wasn't going to come back anymore.

What have I done?

**Jasper POV **

"Why isn't he calling?" On Friday, once again Evie sat in the living room sofa, across the coffee table from me and span her phone in her hand around and around and around. "Why isn't he calling?" She had gone worse and worse the last week and a half, ever since she had been out and taken a milkshake along with Bennett Fredericks.

"Why isn't he calling?" I had looked down in my magazine for what felt like just a split second and jumped when Evie spoke the next time she was standing right by me. "Why isn't he calling? Did I do something wrong?" She slumped down next to me and grabbed a handful of my candy corn, I was on my way to grab the bag and joke- getting- angry at her. But seeing her nervously chewing on the candy corn while she fingered with her phone had me keeping quiet- my sister for sure loved candy corn!

"I'm sure you did nothing wrong!" I tried. "Look! If he haven't called or anything until on Monday I will go talk to him myself and ask him why he isn't calling you!" Evie looked as if she was hesitating, and then nodded and leaned back against my shoulder and then sniveled. "Hey… it's okay!" I patted her shoulder.

"What if the reason he doesn't call is that somewhere in all of that date and everything… he realized that he doesn't like me?" Evie looked up at me and I could tell she really meant what she said and that was for real, everything was for real and it would not just be to get attention- not as if she'd ever do anything like that just to get attention though!

"Evie…" I put away my magazine and laid my arm around my sister's shoulders. "You're worrying too much! I saw Ben's eyes when he was looking at you and… He did like you for sure!" I took a deep breath to try and think about what to say next. "And so what if he didn't? No, no, no. I am like ninety nine percent sure he likes you- but if he didn't it wouldn't matter… you wouldn't need him." Evie raised an eyebrow. "What would you need him for when you've got me?"

My sister just shook her head at me while I grabbed the guitar I had had lying by me to rehearse earlier. "It's still the week in glee when we were going to sing songs about something we wanted to say and something that suited something we went through so…" I took a few tabs on the strings. "I think there's a song that sometimes cheers you up isn't it?"

I took another few tabs on the guitar and played a bit of an intro but Evie didn't look at me and just looked down. So I started singing and I could see a smile form on her lips- she loved this song and the reminding that after all. I would always be there for her along with a few others and that it didn't matter what but I'd always stay sometimes was enough to make her smile.

When I had finished playing through the whole song I put the guitar to the side and reached for Evie's hand. "Be quiet Bertie!" I shouted at the dog. "I said… oh for God's sake." I stood up. "I've got to take Bertie on a walk." I stood up. "Do you want to come?" Evie shook her head and I could tell she was tired after the long week in school so I took a blanket and spread it around her shoulders. "I'll be back in a minute."

I pulled my jacket on and grabbed the leash. I didn't need to attach it to Bertie since he wouldn't run up to anyone unless I told him it was okay and I pulled it a few laps around my hand and then just walked after Bertie as he jumped, ran and sniffed on the sidewalk seeming to decide what would be a good enough spot to do his needs on.

Passing around the corner I suddenly saw two people coming from the other direction- and recognizing one of them as Bennett Fredericks I quickly jumped backwards and pulled Bertie with me again, because I knew it was Ben- Evie had told me Ben was the one always carrying a skateboard- while Alex always carried a soccer ball.

And he was walking with a girl with long, curly, blonde hair and seemed weirdly happy… maybe more than happy to be with Ben in this moment and I could see her lying her arm around his shoulders for a moment and then she took her bag from him and they walked in different directions down each road.

I hadn't planned to follow Ben but I just had a feeling I needed to and I was headed in that direction anyway with Bertie so I walked after him. And I couldn't help but notice the girl that came skating from a side road and skated up to Ben and then stood and stepped around while playing with her board talking to Bennett and laughing at something he said.

I probably shouldn't have! But I just couldn't help myself- he had the world's sweetest best girl liking him and had pretty much swore to both me and her he wasn't going to hurt my sister and he suddenly does this? Meet up with two different girls in a matter of minutes and… I could just feel the anger boiling up inside of me and I stomped over to Ben.

"What are you doing?" I fizzled and grabbed his shirt to pull him so he was turned toward me. "Is this… Is this how you… damn it!" I couldn't really say what I wanted so I paused for a second. "I have been watching my sister sit by the phone for the last week and a half- just waiting for you to call her up because she really likes you and you made her think that you liked her too!"

"Jasper, wait I…"

"And then you do this!" I gestured to the red- head standing right behind Ben. "And just a minute ago I saw you together with yet another girl!" I bit my lip trying to figure out what to say next. "So that's why you never called her up! But guess what? My sister is the strongest, the kindest and the most amazing person I know- if this is who you are then you don't deserve her!"

"SHUT UP" Bennett had silent but the girl stepped forward and suddenly shouted. "Ben's not like that. We're just friends! He would never do what you're saying he's doing. I'm Malora and me and Ben are friends- and we have been since we were like not born yet! And the other girl you saw was his sister Haiden. Ben really likes Evie, but he's been too nervous about her not feeling the same or being angry because he was so nervous he didn't call up to call her…"

Ben sighed and glared at Malora, obviously thinking she said a bit too much. "Jasper I…" he started himself and nervously fingered on his nails. "I would never do that to your sister I mean… I only met her a few times but she…" He lifted his hand and touched the shirt about where the heart would be. "But I got so nervous and it seemed that for every second it just got harder and harder…"

"If…" Malora interrupted. "… I know you really like her Ben… So I'm going to do this! You go home and change and fix your hair and whatever else you need to do. You Jasper, go home to your sister and tell her she needs to be ready in one hour. I will fix a table for two at my dad's restaurant, and know just the trick that will have him for it to be on the house so you won't have to pay for anything." I looked to Ben who nodded, and I did too. "Okay… ready! Set! Go!"

I called for Bertie and jogged home, then checked the clock on how much time it was left and went inside and told Evie she'd have to dress up for a date with Bennett. But didn't say a word about where or how I had fixed it- which I wasn't going to tell her anyway. And she forced me to sit and watch for a long while. While she tried one dress after the other until I said she needed to get done now or Ben would have to wait. So she decided on a patterned dress, a bunch of wristbands in yellow and pink and pea… orange- like! Then shoes in peach… damn it! Orange- like and a yellow, knitted sweater so she wouldn't be all too cold.

At last we both stood inside the door, mum and dad were in the kitchen and I could hear them talking about the day Evie was born and when she was little and how it felt like yesterday. Ben was late! But so at last, ten minutes late we heard steps onto the porch steps and knocks on the door.

"There goes my little girl!" I walked into the kitchen after saying bye to Evie for now and dad sighed and put his head in his hands. "And last week it was milkshake, now it's dinner, in no time it's going to be marriage and moving out and then they're going to come home and tell me I'm going to be a grandfather- whether it's going to be with that guy or someone else I cannot tell!"

I was such an idiot! I had paid for their first date! I had talked to Bennett earlier today and practically forced him to realize he really liked my sister- and now we were here!

What have I done?

**Playlist **

**Belle- What I've done- Linkin Park  
Martina- Keep us safe- Carrie Underwood  
Benjamin- Daddy's little girl- Frankie J  
Jasper- Count on me- Billy Gilman **

**Here is a list of new minors that come into this chapter and their portrayers**

**Avery- David Avery  
Frances- Dove Cameron  
Lucy- Rita Volk  
Lenny- Nathan Stewart Jarett  
Shauna- Zendaya  
Mr. Angelo- Sean Penn  
Haiden- Claudia Lee  
Malora- Bella Thorne **

**So, I hope everyone had a great Christmas and will have a great new year's. See you next year! **


	17. Just give me a reason

**THE CAST LIST WITH ALL OF THE SYOC- CHARACTERS AND THEIR SUMMARIES ARE NOW IN CHAPTER TWO OF THIS STORY. **

**New polyvores **

**-One with each outfit for Martina and Charlotte, then one with outfits for Martina and Christie. And one with outfits for this chapter for Belle and Seth  
-Randoms for Toby Kyemohr- Christie's brother and Mady Heedie**

**Martina POV **

"So…" On the extra glee club meeting Mr. Blaine had arranged on Monday he came into the choir room ten minutes late and we were all there. "Sorry I'm late, you've all got your classes soon so I'm going to make this short. As you probably all know now is October and October means awareness for breast cancer. And the color for awareness for breast cancer is pink, so this week you will all be doing covers of the singer pink. And she's got some great lyrics if you ask me so I'm really looking forward to this week. Oh wait, wait I'm not finished yet."

"What more do you have? That we all have to wear a pink ribbon or what?" Lea- Marie Hale asked and whatever that smirk on Mr. Blaine's face would mean it could under no circumstances mean something good.

"Yes, but no. This week… I want you all to wear at least a little bit of pink on your clothes. It can be socks or a shirt or a tie or anything you want, just as long as you wear something pink. And I want you all to come into the library and see me and I'll give you points between one and five. And if you aren't wearing one piece of pink then you will get one point, socks or something like that two… and then more and more until someone reaches five… And the one with the highest points will get a price for wearing the most pink in the end of the week."

"NOOOOOOOO…" Both I and Keagan Spencer went shouting.

"I hate pink!" Keagan stated and I continued.

"I hate pink even more!"

"Sorry guys! You will have to take a part in this just like everyone else." Mr. Blaine smirked as I and Keagan looked to each other and grimaced while Bradon and Daniel told Keagan that they could bring some clothes that he could wear and that he would probably be happy with. So at last Keagan shrugged seeming to think that it would work out in some way while I was left alone to think of this as a… well I didn't even know what to call it.

"By the way Martina." Mr. Blaine called for my attention. "How did it go with that girl who you accidentally sent a text message to?" ¨

"Just give me one reason on why I should tell you that!" I stated ironically. "And while you're on it, just tell me one reason on why I should completely change my style for a stupid competition with a stupid weekly theme."

"So…" While I, dad, Enrique and Rachelle were eating dinner on Tuesday afternoon the next day we were discussing the awkward texting that went between me and Rachelle. "She really called you a pedo?" Dad broke down laughing and Enrique- who was looking down at his plate shook with suppressed chuckles.

"Yes dad… she did call me a pedo!" I sighed- I must have gone through the whole conversation texted between me and Rachelle a thousand times to him already. "And you can read the whole conversation if you want to because I'm really sick and tired of you asking that all the time!" Dad broke down again and Enrique couldn't keep quiet and broke down him too while I and Rachelle just glared at each other.

"Honey…" Enrique stated. "Rachie… even though that text was creepy that wasn't a nice thing to write!" Rachelle just sighed and took the crutches she had to use and leaned against the table, and stood up. "Oh where are you going? let me help you!" Enrique stood up and took a few steps towards her but was pushed away by her.

"I'm going out and I don't need you hanging in my heals." Enrique sighed and slumped down on his chair again, but he and dad broke down laughing like two teenage girls when they looked at each other. And I just sighed and went even grumpier than what I had been since yesterday after Blaine's stupid theme with wearing something pink.

"Do you…" Dad started again but laughed so much he had to pause. "Do you know what your mother would have said if she had been here?" I couldn't quite decide on why but when dad mentioned my mother and then laughed even harder while he whimpered "Oh my God I'm dying, I can't breathe! My stomach!" I just felt the anger boiling up inside of me and without hesitating I grabbed the water can and turned it upside down over dad's head. "Martina!" He said as strictly as he could after all of that laughing. "What… What on earth do you think you're doing?"

"Well I don't know that do I? And you don't either and we don't need to because she's not here. And I'm happy she's not because if she was she would be ashamed of all of this and I don't want that. God dad, why can't you just shut up about her every once in a while?" I turned and pretended as if I didn't hear him calling out for me pulling my coat on, taking my phone and my headphones and then walking outside and down the road.

I riffled through a list of pink's songs and stopped on one that maybe could suit, and then let it play while I was walking down the road and through the block towards a baseball field by a school in these blocks. And even though I had just told my dad to do the exact opposite, I couldn't help but think about my mum.

I couldn't help but think about one of those days I was grumpy and mad because we were moving to Lima, when I was just angry and sitting in my room on my bed with moving boxes standing all around, music that I hated as much as my parents did on the loudest volume and not doing anything, and mum had come in and started talking to me when I had finally turned that hideous music off.

She had taken my hand in one and with the other showed me pictures on her phone of our new house and our new block and how everything was really nice. And she had promised me that whatever would happen I would always have her, and I would always have dad and they would always have each other and me and that was what was most important.

Right then, if anyone would have told me that in just a few years she would be all gone and… I would probably have punched them in the face! Mum gone? No… right then her… I mean… it was like she said herself! She would always be there… wouldn't she? I guess she wouldn't! But right then that would have been too hard to believe!

When I came to the baseball field I pulled out my headphones and sat down on the railing that was around the field. And not until I had been sitting around for a good while I realized that Rachelle sat on the railing just a couple of meters away from me.

"Hey…" I greeted at last, even though she looked pretty grumpy and pissed off. "I'm sorry but I've just got to ask… what did you think when you read the text message about taking pictures?" Rachelle seemed to think for a moment and suddenly snorted with laughter. "What? It's not funny" She nodded at me.

"Oh yes it is." She laughed even more. "My teacher heard the signal and forced me to read the message out loud in class. It went way too quiet and then… you should have seen the looks on everyone's faces and the teacher looked as if he was about to explode!" She snorted with laughter again. "So how did you react when you realized you were texting me and not my dad?"

"I was in glee club and we were in the auditorium and I just swore so loudly they were also looking weirdly at me and our coach looked as if he was about to explode. And then I just swore even more, said I needed to go and ran up the stairs and into the hallway!" I couldn't help but to laugh at the comic in the situation myself.

"And I had read the text first and thought it was kind of creepy, so I tried giving all of the reasons I could for him not to make me read it out loud so at last he was so angry with me I thought he would explode and he just fizzled- Miss Hernandez. If you don't read that text out loud right now I'm going to make sure you can never bring your cellphone into class again so I read it and…" She made a pause to laugh." You should have seen his face!"

"Give me one reason to why I would want to see that!" I spat. "I have a feeling that the only thing that would lead to would be me feeling even more embarrassed about it and do you get how much it takes!" Rachelle snorted with laughter again. "Hey I… I usually don't say I'm sorry but… I'm sorry for that whole misunderstanding and I'm sorry I was so rude to you earlier… It wasn't your fault I sent my text message to the wrong person"

"I haven't exactly been happy as a lark neither! And I heard that you're really pissed off about something in school this week as well. Or was your dad wrong?"

"No, he was right. I'm in this glee club and this week- since it's October the teacher decided that we were going to do pink- songs and all wear something pink every day- and I hate pink!" Rachelle laughed. "I spent the whole evening doing a kind of inventory in my wardrobe, I found one single pink item."

"What?"

"Bra- and obviously that wasn't enough because even though I wore this kind of ripped shirt over it so it showed it only earned me two points in that teacher's stupid competition so I could just as well not have worn anything pink at all and have made it one." Rachelle laughed again and then opened the lock of her necklace and showed the charm to me. A silver heart with the text "Mum" a pink ribbon and a white pearl.

"Before my mum died last year she bought me this." Rachelle's voice had gone into a town I didn't quite recognize. "She died from breast cancer so she wanted to make sure I at least showed awareness. It haven't got a ton of pink in it but if you're careful with it you can borrow it for a few days." I nodded and took it. "Although I don't really like pink either but I've got these items that I use if I'm raising awareness through some race or whatever… so… I've got an idea on how you could earn more points!" She smirked.

"You will have to give me one reason to listen to you when you're looking at me like that! Because if it's not a good reason then I don't think I want to listen to you when you're looking like that!" Rachelle smirked and even though we were alone here she leaned closer and whispered in my ear what she had.

"Hmm…" I smirked and stroke my chin. "I like that reason!"

**Belle POV **

Walking home from school on Wednesday I couldn't help but notice Seth was still all down after what I had told him about Liam being Charlotte's boyfriend. I tried to start conversations with him what felt like about once every second both now and on the way home and everywhere, but he would only give me short answers that went into a silence so thick I could probably have reached out my hand and touched it.

"So do you have a favorite pink song? Or just something that would suit how you're feeling right now?" Seth just shrugged and continued riffling in something on his phone. "Well… this is my block. Bye Seth." Seth raised in hand in a wave but other than that didn't respond to my goodbye which was really rare for him and that knowledge made me feel even worse.

I had brainstormed so many times for one good excuse that one good reason why I had done and why I kept on doing what I did. And I couldn't find- not even one good reason to why I had told my best friend his crush already had a boyfriend. And broke his heart! There just couldn't be a good reason for that and still I kept on brainstorming to find one- maybe just one reason that would be good enough to make a believable excuse from. And I couldn't find it!

My already terrible mood didn't get any better only because I was walking home for the afternoon. For most people I'd guess walking home would mean going home to relaxing and only… chilling! Coming home to every part of the family being loving if they were there, but to me walking home was closely related to the lump in my stomach that made me want to turn around and run in the other way.

"YOU STUPID B*TCH" Just as I came inside the door I heard dad shouting at my mum. "YOU'RE SO STUPID. YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT." They were in the kitchen and even though I didn't want to see or hear them at all I had to pass through the kitchen to get to the stairs and up to my mum. "Oh hey Bella. LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN GET THINGS MORE RIGHT THAN WHAT YOUR MOTHER DOES. WHY AREN'T YOU LISTENING TO ME? COME BACK HERE YOU B*TCH."

Rushing through the kitchen I barely had the time to see my mum. But I saw enough to see the tears in her eyes, and stopped for a moment wanting to take her with me and pulling her upstairs where my dad couldn't come. But before I had the time mum had waved at me to just continue and leave her, and even though I had hesitated at first when dad continued shouting at me at last I just ran out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

Hearing dad rant at me wasn't too bad! But when he made my mum cry I only wanted to rip him into pieces! That's how angry it made me. I just couldn't stand to hear or see her cry. And when I was on my way up the stairs, the sound of a glass bottle smashing into millions of small pieces towards a wall didn't make anything better.

There really wasn't a worse thing for me than to know the people I loved did get hurt. I mean- for me there wasn't one reason for me to in any way think that it would be worse with dad hurting me than what it would be hurting me through hurting my mum and Seth and Lenny and everyone and anyone else he could reach.

I sighed and since I just wanted to get into something more comfortable and then go and lay down in a whole somewhere and die I grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a T- shirt that Lenny had left at home and changed. I usually wouldn't but with everything that was going on I couldn't really care less and just pulled my hair into a messy ponytail to look exactly as miserable as I possibly could- not on purpose of course!

When I sat down again I just picked up my phone from my bed and put the headphones into my ears to try and shut the sound of mum's and dad's fighting out. So this week's glee club theme was pink's songs so I searched for some lyrics on one I knew I had heard before, found it, and put it on. And it just seemed to perfect to be possible.

I had wished that the music and my headphones would completely close out the sound of my parents fighting- or more likely, dad shouting at my mum for whatever reason he had right now and then another glass bottle being thrown and smashed against a wall.

I got a photo from a drawer in my desk and then sat down in the stairs where dad couldn't see me but I could see that he was shouting at mum and mum could see me. The photo was taken when I was a new born with mum holding me, and dad holding Lenny, just before my dad went back to Afghanistan for the last time. And even though we knew dad was just about to leave we were all smiling- and why wouldn't we? We had the picture perfect family! And even though I didn't remember it, I wished that we could still be like that- or at least go back to that.

"Bella?" Mum had come up the stairs and I stood up when I saw her coming. "Can I go into your room?" I nodded and stood up, then held my palm against mum's back while we walked up the stairs and into the room to the left. "Thank you honey." Mum sat down on my bed and rubbed a bruise dad had given her on her arm- and I felt even worse. Maybe I should have taken dad's anger this time instead, he would never physically touch me. But he would do so to my mum.

"Bells." She said while I sighed and riffled in some pictures of me and Seth on my phone. "Is something wrong? Something except that you had to hear that fight?" I shrugged. "Belle? I know what that means! What is it?" Just as I was on my way to tell my mum about what I had done- partly to get it off my chest and partly because I thought she'd have some piece of advice about it. But when I thought it through I suddenly realized how… I guess stupid all of this was and I knew what I had to do.

"Mum, I'm sorry but there's something I need to do!" I looked to my clock. "Ehrm. Seth should still be on his way home I need to catch him." I ran down the stairs and ignored my dad shouting after me while I pulled my sneakers on. Then I ran outside and grabbed my bike. I cycled down the road as fast as I possibly could, but it really felt like I couldn't go any slower before I saw a person down the road and recognized Seth's red, brown and white anorak and light blue jeans.

"SETH" I shouted to try and be louder than the rain scattering towards the already soaking asphalt. "SETH WAIT!" Seth stopped and turned around, then looked distressed while he saw me and while I got closer I could see he was starting to pull the anorak off to give it to me. Well he was a gentleman. "Seth there's something I need to tell you!"

"Gosh you're not even wearing a jacket!"

"Seth wait!" I did my best to catch my breath. "Liam Linnel- he isn't Charlotte's boyfriend." So there it was said. "Liam's mum is married to Charlotte's dad- it's her step brother. And I am so, so sorry for just lying to you like that I… Seth what are you doing?" Seth started turning around. "Seth, please don't be angry with me I never meant any harm. Please don't be angry." Seth turned around towards me again.

"Give me one good reason!"

"You're my best friend…"

"Not anymore!"

**Christie POV **

"I said I'm fine Blaine." On Thursday, in a class, I had gotten dizzy, told the teacher I needed to get something in my locker and walked out in the hallway to just sit down on the floor and hopefully not faint before my blood pressure went up again. But of course Blaine had seen me, gotten worried, pulled me onto my feet and then I had fainted because with that my blood pressure got even lower. And he got worried and had pulled me into the office at the library.

"I Said I'm fine." Blaine put a glass of water in front of me. "And water isn't going to help me. If anything it's going to make matters worse. I gotta get back to class." I stood up but was pushed back into the sofa by Blaine. "I gotta get back to class. Look! I need to take notes which goes like a hundred times slower for me than anyone else so the more I miss the worse it's going to be."

"I'll fix something with Mr. Angelo." Blaine stated and I had to realize he wasn't giving up on this and threw myself back towards the cushions to wait and see if Blaine would ever let me go. "So what happened?" I sighed, I had already told him everything that happened- and that I was fine like a million times so I didn't need to say it again did I?

I rolled my eyes "I saw that Chris!" Then I sighed and stood up once again as slowly as I could so I wouldn't black out again. "Oh well…. I guess you know this better than I do!" Blaine stated, oh wow! He really got that now? Took long enough! "I'll come with you and tell Mr. Angelo why you disappeared for so long. Don't worry, if you had Mr. Jacobson I would worry that he might punish you, but Mr. Angelo's great and he will understand.

I sighed and barely even listened to Blaine while we walked back towards English class, and barely had the time to press down the door knob before the bell echoed loud through the hallways and let us know this class was over just as I walked into the classroom and went to get my bag while Blaine spoke to Mr. Angelo.

"See you later at glee club!"

I didn't answer Blaine, I mostly felt like skipping glee club. Blaine was there and so were everybody else I more or less hated! I knew I was thinking like a little grumpy child but if the fact that I was like the youngest in freshman year- in any and every school I came to- if that wasn't a good enough reason I didn't know what was!

"Christie." I heard on the other side of the hallway and I turned around to- of course see Daniel coming jogging up the hallway. "Christie I knew you told in the glee club to Blaine and I couldn't help but hear it that… that you've got some… come here." He pulled me into an empty classroom. "I heard you say something to Mr. Blaine about that you've got some trouble in math and such and I was only wondering…."

"What is wrong with you?" I asked rudely. "Can't it get through your thick head that I don't want anything to do with you?" Okay, now I was pissed off for real. "And if I have got trouble in classes or not it's nothing that you have got anything to do with so just STAY AWAY." I shouted the last couple of words and span around and headed towards the door.

Well, it wasn't a lie! I did have some trouble in school but it was mostly that another part of kidney failure was trouble concentrating and tell me one who wouldn't be having trouble concentrating without being able to concentrate for more than three seconds! Yeah, no one-I thought so! But give me one reason on why Daniel Vincent would have anything to do with that! Yeah, I thought so too!

Coming into the choir room later that day I glanced over the soldiers of Finn's army- and today each and everyone seemed to be wearing something pink. Daniel was wearing a pink button up and light- brown chinos and sneakers, Charlotte was wearing a pale pink jacket over a blue dress, and even Martina was wearing a black dress with the text "I'll stop wearing black when they invent a darker color" and pink tights and even sneakers. I myself- well I was wearing a hoodie printed like the American flag, although pale and white- ish so the red had been made pink- and sweatpants and those sneakers Kurt had given me.

"Hello soldiers." Blaine greeted as usual when he came into the choir room last of everyone- as usual "So well, we're on the fourth day of five of the pink theme." He smiled and jumped up to sit on the piano. "And that means I can almost see who is going to win this contest about who can wear the most pink, but there's still a chance to win for almost anyone of you. And I'm not saying who so you'll better wear pink tomorrow too" Blaine's eyes glittered. "Oh and look at that Martina! You're wearing pink today too!"

"Yes I am." Martina stood up and grabbed her bag. "I… Hey. I guess I wanted a little chance to win! I hate losing!" She grimaced to show exactly how much she hated losing. "And I realized that I could but… I'd have to mix it with something that was just me." She pulled up a pair of jeans from her bag and pulled the sneakers she was wearing off. Pulling the ripped jeans on anyone could still see the pink tights through the big holes in the jeans as she pulled the same sneakers on again.

"And well… I had some help from a friend to decide all of this. And her mum died of breast cancer. So she lent me this necklace. With a metal pink ribbon and a heart that says "Mum" "And as you might know… Pink have got her… I guess kind of her own style and her own beat which I think is what is most important… So I planned to do this song… which is about… I guess it's about just being oneself and… well…. Give me one reason on why I should try and wear pink and whatever else when that just isn't me." She waited for a while but no one said anything. "That's what I thought… Hit it!"

Even I would have to admit that I actually kind of liked Martina's performance, it was a great song, with loads of energy and Martina was a great dancer. So was Dakota who went down onto the floor to sing and dance along with her. That didn't mean that I liked any of them though- I hated them both, this whole glee club, this whole school and this whole town!

"So, that was awesome guys." Blaine was almost jumping where he stood when he had gone down onto the floor again and Dakota and Martina were sitting down. "Is there anyone else? No one else? Is there only one person who have got a number planned for this week… Aw… well, let's be grateful I've got one planned to sing to you then." Blaine sat down by the piano. "And even though it says in the song that it's written to a thirteen year old, this goes for all of you, from Christie who's the youngest at fourteen to Daniel who's the oldest at eighteen so… let's begin."

I really tried to seem not touched by the song Blaine did, but at this point it got really hard at Burt was singing… damn It! I guess that with what he was singing about it was about what I longed for the most, and he could maybe…. Maybe he could have been singing this song straight to me. And I would have loved it! There wasn't one reason for me to show it though.

I wouldn't show it!

Because for me there wasn't one reason to do so!

**Blaine POV **

I stood up after finishing the song and bowed before I took a moment to just glance over the group, damn it. I had barely been coaching this glee club for two and a half weeks I couldn't put in words how incredibly proud I was over these fourteen teenagers. Even though Christie was grumpy, Daniel obviously was keeping a secret, there was a tense feeling between Belle and Seth and twice this week I had found someone in the choir room singing the same song about a relationship that didn't work out- once Charlotte, and once Seth. I was so freaking proud of them.

And that was when I realized and came up with the idea for what I would have to do for the price for the contest about who could wear the most pink. "Christie." I ran up to the youngest member of my glee club. "You'll have to take the bus home, there is something I have to do." I didn't really wait for an answer except heard Chris answering me okay and then turned around and ran down towards the parking lot and my car to go into town and find some more things for prices with pink ribbons.

"Hello soldiers!" I told them all coming carrying with a big carton with prices on Friday. "I have now counted the points and there are three winners with full points- twenty five points each. But… I was watching you yesterday and realized that… I am so proud of all of you. You have all done what you could for this competition but I think what was the best to see this week was how you all got together and I couldn't have been more proud of each and everyone of you. So… I decided that everyone who was in this competition- including you madam Mady. Will get to choose each price, and you'll also get a pink ribbon KitKat bar. It's with strawberries so if anyone's allergic I've got usual bars too. And I've also got each pink ribbon for you all."

"Who's first then?" Mady asked, the whole this week she had come with pink clothes she too, the days she hadn't been coming Benjamin had e- mailed pictures of her clothes- and there wasn't much else for me to do than to give her full points- she was wearing much enough for it and I didn't have the heart to tell her that she couldn't be in. And today she was wearing grey hello- kitty- sweatpants, shirt, beanie and scarf with hello kitty and the same pink color with white dots, and purple hello-kitty sneakers with pink laces- how could I not have given her full points?

"The winners are." I pushed the paper where I had written away a bit and made a drumroll with my hands towards the piano and Finn's army joined me with their hands towards chairs or their knees until I stopped all of a sudden and showed he others to do so. "Miss Madison Heedie." The smile on Mady's lips was undeniable. "Mr. Daniel Vincent and Mr. Seth Anderson- Philips"

"That's not fair!" Lea- Marie exclaimed while Mady skipped down towards the piano where the box stood. "She's not even a part of the glee club." Mady glared to Lea- Marie, then looked with puppy eyes towards me and I explained to Lea- Marie shortly that Mady was just as much a member of the glee club as she was herself and then turned back to Mady.

"I can't reach the box." Mady jumped down by the piano. "I can't reach the box."

"Oh come here." Daniel laughed and took her under the arms. "And one, two, three, up." He lifted her up so she could stand on the piano chair and moved the box closer so she could see. "Ladies first." Mady smiled and climbed up to sit on her knees on the piano and see better in the box. "Whoa. Take it easy there hon."

"So I can choose whatever I want?" I nodded and Mady looked down into the box again and pulled out a soft teddy bear with a pink pyjamas and looked up at me, I nodded again and she happily crawled down from the piano stool and took the chocolate bar and pink ribbon I reached her and then skipped over the floor and up to her brother and climbed up on the chair next to him.

"But Mads." Benjamin rubbed his forehead. "You do have a thousand stuffed animals already!"

"None like this!" Mady replied- God! Whatever that girl it was adorable and it would be amusing to all of us- almost especially to me. "I liked this!" Benjamin just shook his head knowing that there wouldn't be any arguments that would work in this moment and he looked back towards were Seth pulled out a key ring looking like a little shoe and went back to sit while Daniel picked up a pack with three cans of chicken noodle soup ready to be heated up.

"He- hey" He was way too excited about those cans. "Dinner for the whole weekend!" He made some excited skipping back to his chair and none of us could help but laugh. Even though I had a weird feeling that something was wrong when he had said this was dinner for a whole weekend. Was it possible that… No!

"Oh well." I shook the feeling off and turned to my paper again. "On second place with twenty three points each are Christie, Dakota, Jasper and Bradon." The four that came together on second place walked down and Jasper and Bradon showed Christie that "Ladies first." Christie only glared at them- that was usually what she did, but she stepped forward and climbed up on the piano to be able to see what was in the box and then just sat looking down in the box for a long while until Dakota had gotten way too tired of waiting.

"Oh come on Chris!" He jumped where he stood. "This year! And Jasper, Bradon- we all know she's not more lady than you or me!" Christie glared down at Kota- and I explained to him that there wasn't one reason on why we should rush this. And at last Christie seemed to just take the first thing she laid her hand on and jumped down from the piano clutching a pink notebook to her chest and taking the pink ribbon I reached her- she couldn't eat the chocolate anyway she told me.

"Can you help me with this?" Jasper came over with the neck tie he had chosen- black with print of pink ribbons and wanted help with tying it. I tied it for them and then handed him and Bradon- who had chosen the dog collar each chocolate and pink ribbon. Ironic enough Dakota was still choosing from the box until he at last decided on a water bottle and seemed mildly embarrassed when he turned back towards the chairs.

"And on third place with twenty two points each." I started again. "Charlotte, Benjamin and Belle." The mentioned walked down onto the floor- and I had to admit that was they chose from the prices was pretty…. Them! With the crystal (hrm, glass, plastic and metal) headband for Belle, the furry socks for Charlotte and the shoulder strap for a bag for Benjamin- while he seemed a bit too excited over that one. I knew that I had gotten it right.

"On fourth place, the first place that isn't shared with eighteen points…" It went on. Esme was on fourth place and chose a pack with some rubber wristbands in different shades of pink and the text "Fight like a girl" on all of them, and when she pulled up her sleeve to put them on I couldn't help but notice scars on the inside of her wrists- this girl must for sure really be fighting like a girl.

"And on fifth place with thirteen points each. Sharon and Keagan." Keagan had known he would be among the last, even though the others had said him that they would be able to borrow him clothes he had rejected them and seemed to have decided that whatever he was going to do he was going to use it would be his own clothes and he didn't have much pink!

"What's this?" Sharon- the writer had chosen a pack with pen, pencil, eraser and post its. Keagan lifted up the "magic towel" And if he would put the lump in water it would expand and become a towel- Keagan made the list of people who seemed way too excited about their price even longer. And talked about how he was going to get a new towel for his horse anyway.

"You've got a horse?" Mady had been quiet for unusually long but seemed impressed. Keagan nodded. "Wow! I've barely even seen a horse for real!" Keagan seemed to think for a while, and then told Mady and Benjamin that maybe they could come to the stables someday, and I knew for a fact that with Mady this excited about it- Ben would never say no!

"And on sixth place, with nine points each, Martina and Lea- Marie."

Martina cheered loudly and more or less jumped to the piano where there were just two prices left. She grabbed the soap and then took the chocolate and the ribbon and skipped back to her chair and sat down. Lea- Marie still hadn't moved from hers and I grabbed the net with a few pink rubber ducks and walked over to Lea- Marie with them.

"No thanks!" she said when I reached her the ducks, the chocolate and the pink ribbon. "Sono stanca di solo rosa" I raised an eyebrow- I understood a word or two from the Italian I knew though so I could guess what language it was.

"I'm sorry Lea. I don't understand Italian."

"I said I'm sick of only pink" Suddenly Lea seemed to be somewhat shivering and I could see she was furious. "Look! Are you going to go Gray in May for brain tumors? Sometime later this month are you going to go green for Depression? Are you huh?"

"There are loads… I couldn't do all of them!"

"No you couldn't do all of them but the one you did just had to be pink, didn't it? It's always pink! And I'm so tired of it!" Without another word Lea flew up on her feet, grabbed the prices I held out to her. "And I need these" Then she stormed out of the room and slammed the door close after her while I sighed and rubbed my forehead.

"Okay guys." I turned to the others. "Let's not care about that tantrum for now, I'll deal with it myself on Monday. I hope you're all happy with what you got and now I have one last thing planned before we take a weekend everyone and that is…" I took a bunch of papers that I had in my bag and handed each out to the people. "Our very first group number. I have written on the papers who sings what part… some of you have solos some of you have not but I think that as teenagers you can probably all relate to this song. We're going to the auditorium, I want you all to read through the lyrics and such before we start but you can have papers with you on stage. Martina you can sing Lea- Marie's parts. Okay, let's get started."

I had to keep myself from skipping down the hallway towards the auditorium. Hearing some people humming on the parts they had, some others' chattering, and then Christie walking next to me, somewhere far away in her thoughts.

Christie had the first part of the song, and the longest solo, then Daniel came in, later Martina and Dakota. To then at the refrain going into all of them singing. I sat in one of the red chairs in the auditorium and I knew that before when I had thought I couldn't have been more proud. I had been so, very wrong. I was a thousand times more proud now and it would have been great to just freeze this moment right here and stay forever.

Way too soon the song ended and laughing and chattering right away the soldiers of Finn's army ended while they applauded themselves and I clapped my hands as if my life was depending, but I couldn't keep from my proud feeling to somewhat fade when Christie pushed away someone she had walked into.

"Watch it!" She fizzled, not caring about the fact that she had walked into Charlotte and then continued up the stairs to meet up with me since she was pretty much relying on me to get a ride home.

"Christie please." I begged. "Please, I don't know what it is with you- you don't have to be so rude to everybody all the time so please…" It wouldn't take a genius on what I wanted her to do and she turned around and continued slowly up the stairs. "Christie please! I know that you're trying to push people away but you..."

"Have you figured out why?" I shook my head. "Well Mr. Blaine Hummel- Anderson. Then there's not one reason for you to mind my business is there?"

**Playlist**

**Martina- Who knew- Pink  
Belle- Family portrait- Pink  
Martina/ Dakota- Raise your glass- Pink  
Blaine- Conversation with my thirteen year old self- Pink  
Seth/ Charlotte- Just give me a reason- Pink feat. Nate Reuss  
Finn's army- Don't let me get me- Pink**

**So, that's the ninth chapter (Except for cast lists) I put up in 2015. Which means that there's only one chapter left to finish and put up before I start updating my stories as usual again. So I'm going to end this chapter now so I can get to that. Have a good 2015 everybody, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. **


	18. I don't know

**THERE IS A QUESTION IN THE BOTTOM A/N. AND I'D BE GRATEFUL IF YOU ALL ANSWERED IT **

**New polyvores  
-A randoms' edit for a Savannah White. That one's made by GleeJunkie007, and also clothes for the same character.  
-One with room and one with clothes for Hayley Graham  
-One with random, one with clothes, and one with room for Renata Perkins  
-One with each outfit (The ones in this chapter) for Lea- Marie and Benjamin **

**A picture of Hayley Graham- along with pics of his parents' portrayers have been put up on the tumblr made by LocalXmusicXjellybeanX. Both Hayley and his parents will be in this chapter. **

**Heyyo! Here we are again. Oh- in this chapter there's a YouTube video mentioned- it is real and the video some of you might have seen because it has like three million views by now- but it's called "Is this the most unusual sound in the Swedish language?" And "Schwoop" I think you should all go and watch it and "Schwoop" I do use that "Schwoop" word all the time. **

**Esme POV **

_The theme for this week's glee club is songs that have been in TV series or movies. I wanted to send it out now because I think it will be a popular theme and many of you might want to perform your songs and this will give more time. See you tomorrow. –Blaine _

I pushed my phone back in the side pocket of my bag and continued with my school work. Even though now I couldn't concentrate. To have gotten to know already this early in the week had made me even more decided than usual that I was going to sing something and one song after the other flashed through my brain but I just couldn't find the right one even though I couldn't let it go

"Esme, honey." Just as I was on my way home mum walked up to me in the hallway. "That boy Hayley from your class wasn't in school today, I'm his contact person here in school so to say so some of the teachers he would have had today came up to me with some homework for him. But I've got some errands to run so is it possible that you could run over to this with him on your way home?" Mum held up a plastic bag.

"Yeah sure mum. He lives in that grey house that have got such a special color on it right? Mum nodded. "Okay, I'll take it then." I put the plastic bag in my bigger bag. "See you later." I walked down the hallway and for a moment the thought hit me that I usually would have started discussing with my mum about who should bring the homework to the house- even though in the same moment I thought that it was Hayley Graham I had quickly answered her yes.

Could it be possible that I… no we were just friends! Were we? I actually wasn't so sure what I felt about him. And didn't count anything out on that point all of the time I walked down the road and up his porch steps and knocked on the door.

"Oh, hello Mrs. Graham." I greeted the woman who came and opened. "I'm…"

"Oh you must be Esme." Mrs. Graham had interrupted before I had said who I was or why I was here or why I was there. "Come in, come in. Hayley's in his room…" She had more or less pulled me with her inside before I had had the time to tell her why I was here. "You see, it's so rare that any of my Hayley's friends come over, it makes me so happy when they do."

"Actually I…"

"Oh he's right in here." Mrs. Graham had pulled me with her upstairs before I had gotten a chance to speak. "It's okay, he's just got a cold and he haven't got a temperature anymore so it shouldn't be way too contagious. Hayley honey." She knocked on the door with a paper with some comic- figures drawn onto it and the name "Hayley" written over it.

"Mum…" He barely had the time to say before the door was wide open and I could see Hayley- dressed in only silk underwear printed with the hulk, and a batman- T- shirt jumping across the room in search for pants. "Mum, come on!" Mrs. Graham had to bite her lip not to break down laughing- well, that made us two!

"Ehrm… well… while Hayley is doing this… come and meet Mr. Graham yeah?" I realized that right now it was probably the best option and followed Mrs. Graham out of Hayley's room and down the stairs into what seemed like an office where a large, curly- haired man sat bent over some papers on a desk.

"Frank… this is Esme, Hayley's friend." The man looked up and looked at me over the edge of his glasses, making me feel like he saw right through me right away. But so he smiled, pushed his glasses up on his head and came walking around the desk and shook my hand.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Graham." I greeted as politely as I thought I could. "Actually I…" I tried to get away once again, I could guess Hayley had gotten some pants on and I felt kind of embarrassed being here and everything. "I just came to leave this homework for him, my mum's a teacher and she asked me to bring it to him." I held it up and Mrs. Graham took it. "So I'm just going go leave that here and… then I'm going now. Nice to meet you both but I think I… WHOA" I had turned around, and without me noticing Hayley had turned up behind me so he almost gave me a heart attack.

"Do not scare me like that Hayley." I panted. "And oh, I see you got some pants on!" Hayley went bright red and then more or less pulled me with him out of that office, through the house and up the stairs again. "God! What is it with the Graham's and pulling me?" Hayley went bright red again and stopped in the stairs.

"I'm sorry." He gestured to me to sit down right there in the stairs and sat down across one stair himself. "People don't really come here too often so my parents- mum mostly, gets really, really excited and, yeah you noticed!" I nodded. "I saw you giving mum that homework so you don't really need to tell why you're here." He leaned his head backwards towards the wall "But she haven't let me out of bed all weekend so you're very welcome to stay because I'm bored to death anyway!"

I and Hayley must have been sitting in those stairs for almost two hours- even though, of course it felt like only five minutes but, we just couldn't run out of things to talk about it seemed like. And then we didn't talk about anything, we talked about names, about cats, about phones. But even though I knew several times he could see them- he didn't ask me once about the scars on my arms, in fact I couldn't even see him looking at them. And knowing that I was after some while able to relax and just enjoy this moment.

"Oh…" At last I had to realize that it was getting late and I needed to get home. "My mum just texted, it's my sister's birthday in a few weeks and I need to get home now and help her fix something for it. I guess I'll see you, and oh, it's the third time your mum calls you down for dinner so I think that if you don't go there soon she'll have a meltdown!"

"Esme…" Hayley stood up just as I was on my way down the stairs. "There was this thing I wanted to ask you." He twisted his hands around each other kind of nervously. "I… I was wondering if maybe… if maybe you'd like to go out and…. Eat dinner or something with me some time."

For a reason I barely knew I felt something as if the question had hit me right in the heart, and it wasn't all in a good way. Suddenly I just couldn't breathe and slowly backed a few steps down the stairs.

"I'm sorry… I don't know… Not now… Gah! I don't know." My voice got high- pitched at the last few tones and I quickly turned around and ran down the rest of the stairs and barely even noticed Hayley's mum had come out in the hallway before I ran right into her.

"Are you alright dear?"

"I- I don't know. I- I gotta go bye." I grabbed my coat and pulled it on during half running down the driveway and then ran faster the rest of the way home before I finally- out of breath and all sweaty despite the cold day, ran up on our driveway just as my dad locked his car after coming home from work.

"Essie?"

"Dad… Dad I…" before I knew what to say I had run straight into his arms, and he laid one arm around my back and the other hand in my hair. "I don't know I… I need to get it out before I explode." I pulled away a bit. "Hayley Graham kind of asked me to go on a date with him and Alex and Sharon and I don't know. I just don't know."

When the only sound that was left was my sobbing- muffled by me holding a hand over my mouth and nose my dad carefully laid an arm around my shoulders and then we walked upstairs and into my room where dad gently pushed me down to sit on top of my the- fault- in- our- stars cover and then sat down next to me.

"Esme…" Dad said calmly. "I'm going to tell you something and I want you to listen very carefully. When I… When you came running home that day, in the middle of the rain without shoes and everything I… I swore I would never let a guy close to my little girl ever again, and I also swore that first thing in the morning I'd shoot the guy who I had let close."

"Dad…."

"Yeah, yeah. I know. Not literally of course but he hurt my baby girl and for that I wanted to hurt him. But… Alex, as you know have got rumors all over him, and I don't know which ones are only rumors and which ones are true. This guy Hayley, I haven't really met him but… he seems like a really, kind and sweet boy. And like the total opposite of Alex. Which is good because I would never let anyone close to him get somewhere near you."

"Are you trying to get somewhere I need a shower?" Dad chuckled.

"Yes… what I mean is that in all of this… I think you've got what you want to do. Right in here!" he pointed to my heart. "And what I mean is also that there are loads and loads of boys in this whole wide world and not all of them are jerks! Alex was one yes. But don't let what he did decide how you feel about this Hayley."

"I actually… I…" Two big tears rolled down my cheeks. "I like him dad. I like him a lot I just… I just don't know!"

"Then…" Dad pushed himself up to change position. "…Just listen to your heart darling. It'll tell you what is right." He laid a hand over his own heart to clearly gesture what he meant and the patted my shoulder.

"What if the heart doesn't know either?!"

"It will. Maybe not right now but, if this Hayley is as much as a good guy as you say that he is then I think he can mind waiting for you. And if he can't- then he's not worth you okay?" I nodded, and for a split moment I sat with my hand in dad's and my head leaned against his shoulder to calm down and then, just like that what I needed to do came to me.

"I… I still don't know what to do about all of this but I… I think I know what to do right now and I think I… I think I need to go back and talk to Hayley." I breathed in to take a deep breath. "Oh… but first I need a shower!" Dad gave me a look that meant that he agreed fully. "Hey…" I pushed his shoulder a bit. "Only for that you have to help me choose clothes!"

Thankfully, when I walked back up the Grahams' driveway and knocked the door it was Hayley himself who came and opened the door and showed me into the house, up the stairs and into his room instead of someone pulling me by the hand like last time.

"Listen… Hayley…" I started, oh well- here went all or nothing! "I… I'm sorry for what I did earlier but the thing is. I just don't know if I can be in a relationship right now because… I was in a relationship with a guy and he really, really hurt me. But… I do know that I really like you. And I do know that you're nothing like him. And I do know that I want to give this a try but what I don't know is if I want to put all of that on you and… I just don't really know I guess."

"Seriously Esme." Hayley said and looked at me seeming just as calm as he always was. "Who do you think I am? Like if you want to… I guess… be friends and see how it works out I would like- screw you and move on to someone else? Now that would just be… No!"

I sat down on the bed next to Hayley and for several minutes we just sat there in silence before Hayley suddenly smiled sheepishly at me.

"And do you know one thing more?" He asked.

"No!"

"I really like you too.

**Lea- Marie POV **

When I came into the choir room after the last lesson had ended on Tuesday afternoon there was already several ones in the chairs- amongst them Seth, who seemed to be having very much fun about something and laughed loudly at Mady Heedie doing some sound. God that kid annoyed the crap out of me!

"No, Mady…" Seth wiped tears from laughing and almost whimpered speaking gain. "You know… In Sweden, they say Ja. Pronounced kind of like yaa instead of yes. And then in North of Sweden they sometimes say Jo pronounced Yoo, and then when you whisper jo, and breathe in at the same time you make that schwoopy sound. But no, no, there is not supposed to be a P in it I just said Schwoop to describe that song. Oh yeah! That's good" Mady had tried to say that weird sound several times while Seth was talking and damn it that sound was annoying!

"What are you doing?" Martina asked when Benjamin started trying to make that annoying sound as well. "Oh," Martina tried too, and Jasper Birch who sat only a chair away from me as well and I was so annoyed by everyone making that horrid sound my head was about to blow up.

"Martina…" Seth broke down laughing again when Martina swallowed wrong and ended up with a coughing fit. "You can't, you can't breathe in and swallow at the same time!" He broke down laughing. "I mean it's said that Americans aren't too smart but… I was kidding, I was kidding."

"Oh Americans aren't too smart?" Martina protested. "Seriously Seth. Do you know what the shortest list in the whole world is?" Seth laughed even harder and shook his head.

"I- I don't know."

"The list of Swedish geniuses" Seth broke down laughing again, not seeming to care about that Martina was literally talking about him since right now he was the only Swede here. And for a while he laid across some chairs crying with laughter while the others only made him laugh harder with trying to pronounce that goddamn annoying sound.

"Hello everybo… What are you guys doing?" Mr. Blaine came into the room and found most of the people doing weird Swedish noises, I who sat with my hands over my ears to try and get away from that sound, and Seth who was still laughing like crazy.

"Oh well…" Blaine shook his head while everything was starting to go back to its normal ways again- well as normal as it possibly could be in this place. "I think you all got my text message about what the theme for this week is and as usual I can't wait to see what you've all got and… I actually have got something to so I'd like Christie, Sharon, Esme and Charlotte to come and get these papers, and I'll only talk to you for a minute and the plan I have. Then you can perform that song and then it's time for the rest of you who wants to perform. And now you can just rehearse or whatever you feel like doing."

The whole time Mr. Blaine was talking to those four girls I sat with my phone up and scrolled through yet one page yet the other with songs from movies and TV- series, just like I had done the whole evening yesterday but I just couldn't find the right song. While at the same time I just knew that if I'd keep on looking I'd found something.

The thing was I hadn't had one single solo since the auditions. I mean- the duets was just a fiasco and not a chance I would have been seen with that horrid Benjamin Heedie! The next week had been about things that had been going on in our lives and no one would have had anything to do with that did they? And then I wasn't exactly a huge fan of Pink's music so… I needed to do a solo this week!

So suddenly, I just had the songs title in front of me on the phone screen, even though I barely had the time to screenshot the lyrics before it was time for the performances to start- even though I was kind of pissed off because they couldn't have hold up with it for five minutes longer so I could to have gotten ready to do my song today.

For the song that Mr. Blaine had chosen Christie started and did the first half of the first verse, Charlotte the second and then they sang together from the bridge and over the refrain. Then Sharon sang the first half of the second verse and Esme- without as much as looking at Sharon the second before them two sang the bridge together and then all four started singing at the refrain before switching in between the singers again for the third and last verse and refrain.

The number would for sure have been a thousand times better if I had been in it too. But the rest of Finn's army, including Mr. Blaine seemed impressed while Christie, Charlotte, Esme and Sharon returned to their seats and Daniel held up his hand to high five Christie- even if she didn't respond to it.

Damn it that Daniel Vincent was very nice looking! I would probably have done anything for him to look at me like he looked at Christie. Even though I couldn't really decide if he thought of Christie as just a friend or something more. But me it seemed like he only saw right through and I really hated it when people did that!

"Anyone who wants to go next? Belle? The floor's yours!"

Belle Jolie was the next to take the floor and she walked down and she leaned back towards the piano and fixed with her phone and then held it up and turned the volume up so we could all hear the intro in the speakers before she started singing.

I didn't think that the song could have been more clear about the fact that it was about that she wanted to say she was sorry, and during the whole first verse and refrain I- and probably everyone else could see her glancing towards where Seth sat, even though he had picked up a book from his bag and was sitting looking down on the pages.

I couldn't help but notice that Belle's voice seemed more and more shaky, and weaker and weaker as if she was on the verge of starting to cry. And so, in the beginning of the second verse her voice suddenly went sharp and she stopped singing. Although almost without missing a word Sharon stood up and continued singing, and I couldn't help that see that Sharon glanced towards Esme.

"That was great guys." Blaine said kind of weakly- as if he had been touched by the performance and the lyrics, "Seth… that wasn't nice of you to just stop listening to them." Seth acted like he hadn't cared but Mr. Blaine didn't want to let it go. "Is there something you'd like to say?" Seth nodded and grabbed the guitar he had had lying on the floor.

"I'd like to perform a song." He walked down onto the floor and hung the guitar onto his shoulder with the shoulder strap. "I guess… I guess this is just one of my favorite songs."

Seth took a few tabs and then chords and then started singing for the intro as well. I couldn't do else then agree with him that it was a great song but of course- it would have been perfect for me as well and I just wished that I had found it already yesterday so I could have done it instead.

I had planned to do rehearsing for that other song I had found as soon as I came home after glee club, but dad wanted me to go with Marion and look at dresses for the wedding- I couldn't have cared less about it but, if it made my dad happy… and it was not like I was going to be here for the wedding anyway.

It turned out Marion tried around a thousand dresses, and it was already late evening when we came back. As well as the fact that I had been so bored to death by all of those dresses and Marion so I could just as well have been falling asleep standing. So I didn't get a chance to rehearse the song anything during the Tuesday.

Finally, on Wednesday lunch I could catch a break and went to the auditorium although the problem was. There was already someone there, and if it had just been Christie or Seth or someone else I couldn't give a damn about I would have probably just forced them to leave only, it wasn't one of them- it was Daniel, and hearing him singing that song I thought he'd break down crying several times- at least it sounded like it!

When he had finished singing Daniel went to get his phone and walked out on the opposite side from me, and therefore didn't see me. Which was good anyway I didn't want to spoil my performance to anybody and I just went to plug my phone into the speakers and then tried to do my best with the song that I had chosen.

When I was done with the performance I glanced towards my bag, in it laid a whole new outfit with a style that… I guess I didn't know if it was me with the jeans ripped, silver leather jacket, high- top sneakers and a crop shirt showing of as much skin as a crop shirt possibly could.

I just hoped… I guess I didn't know but I guess… maybe if I would wear it tomorrow for the performance, then it would make Daniel notice me. Or maybe he was more into girls that had Christie's style. Sweatpants and hoodies.

I just didn't know if I should laugh or cry about it

**Benjamin POV **

"Again…" Dakota started. "I am so, so sorry I said that so Mady heard. I never meant to tell her what happened to her dad."

"It's okay." I told him for about the millionth time. "As I said- I managed to pull some lie that you only meant that dad wouldn't be coming home in a long time but he will some time and now I got myself into that net of lies again! I just didn't want her to get to know it like that and not just yet. And now that net was stickier and harder to get out of than ever.

It was almost as if Dakota had been reading my thoughts-or just known what I needed because he patted my shoulder right before we had to turn in different directions-him down towards the choir room, and I towards the entrance and I grabbed my longboard, and as soon as I was outside I jumped on it and kicked forward as fast as I possibly could-this whole day's schedule had been totally messed up and I didn't want to be late for glee club as well.

As of a miracle, just as I and Mady came running through the hallway up towards the choir room just as I could see the last few ones of them that had been waiting in the hallway for Mr. Blaine to come disappear out of my sight and through the door and I ran a little bit faster- pushing Mady on my longboard by me.

"Sorry we're late." Out of breath, sweaty and probably smelling monkey I came into the choir room.

"It's okay, we were just about to start." I grabbed my board from the floor and leaned it against the chair. Mady already sat Indian style on the chair next to the one I sat on as the rehearsal started. "So, the ones I know have songs for today are Jasper and Lea- Marie…" He didn't even have the time to finish the sentence before Lea- Marie stood up. "Actually Lea, I was thinking Jasper could go first this time. Because the last time it was in between you and him you went first."

Lea- Marie snorted, and shot a glare first to Mr. Blaine and then to Jasper. The freshman didn't seem sure about what to do but after some words from Mr. Blaine he grabbed his guitar, stood up and while hanging the guitar onto his back with the shoulder strap he turned around towards us.

"Well… Songs in movies and TV series!" He sat down on a chair behind him and put the guitar in place onto his leg. "There is this song that I usually sing to my sister when she needs cheering up. And it's in a movie so… here we go!"

Jasper started playing and I couldn't help but smile even though I had had quite a bad day today. He was awesome on playing the guitar, had a nice voice and stayed in tune hitting the high notes almost too well! And upon that I had noticed mentioning his sister he had just kind of lit up- which could only mean one thing, he loved his sister just as much as I loved mine!

Thinking about that I pulled Mady onto my lap and did a silly little dance with her hands in mine. I saw Keagan looking at us and then he and Bradon- and a few of the others and when Jasper finished the song he couldn't help but laugh as he saw what almost everyone by now had started dancing in their own silly way.

"Benjamin." Mady spoke up during the time while Jasper went back to sit down. "When is daddy coming home? Is he coming home today?" The question made my stomach clench and as usual I didn't quite know what to answer. "Answer me then Benny. When is daddy coming home?"

"I don't know Mads!"

"But he's been gone for so long now. Like forever! When will you know so you can tell me when he comes home?" I swallowed, it felt like my throat had gone thick and I wished that the answer I had already given would be enough today too.

"I don't know." I looked as apologetic as I could, apart from Mady and me the room had gone silent, and on top of everything I could see that Lea- Marie was getting eager to start and it annoyed her when Mady continued.

"You don't know anything!" Mady spat. "Can you tell me something you do know about daddy?"

"He's dead. Don't you get that?" Lea- Marie had gotten tired of waiting and taken things into her own hands. Still I felt sick from what she was saying as I can see the lights go out in Mady's eyes as she looked from me, to Lea- Marie, back to me, and then just sits like that all silent for several seconds.

The room had gone so silent if someone were to drop a feather we would be able to hear it fall to the floor. And for several seconds no one said a single word. I was still kind of gone in myself when Mr. Blaine stood up in front of me and stomped over to Lea- Marie. I didn't hear everything he was saying, but it was something about being suspended and then stomping footsteps and a door slamming.

"Benjamin…" I could hear the panic in Mady's voice. "She's lying isn't she? Please say she's lying only to make me sad." She knew what it meant to be dead, and so looked up at me and the fear that Lea hadn't been lying in her eyes made my heart break into pieces. "Benjamin please tell me she's lying. Please."

"Madison…" I started, she'd know I was being serious with her full first name. "You know these pills daddy use to take… and also used to sell." I could see in Mady's eyes that she got it now- that she understood that Lea had been telling the truth.

And I had been lying

"No.." Mady whimpered, seeming weak for a moment but then jumped up on her feet and with her tiny fists she tried to get and hit every spot she could reach. "NO. NOOOO… NO DADDY" I tried to hold her still, then suddenly she just collapsed, and started hitting and kicking to the floor instead of on me.

I had never seen her react to anything like this- and I was afraid of what might be comi….

I hadn't even thought the full sentence before Mady started hitting her head towards the floor while I desperately tried to have her lie still and look at me. Someone else had kneeled, folded something soft and put it underneath her head before she could make serious harm to herself, and then suddenly she went so limp I was afraid she might have gone unconscious.

"Benny…" She weakly called out for me and turned her head to look at me- there was another few people holding her legs and arms to keep her from hurting herself even more so she couldn't move anything else then her head.

"Please tell me she was only lying to make me sad." Mady's voice sounded so weak and whimpering I swore I could hear my heart breaking. "Please Benny, please tell me she's only lying and that daddy is going to come back soon."

Mady's eyes were filled with tears- the beautiful clear blue colour of them- like mine or like dad's made them look like the clearest ocean with the tears. And it made me want to tell her that Lea had been lying, just so she could be happy for a little while longer.

But I knew that one day Mady would have had to find out the truth anyway

And I knew that I couldn't lie anymore

**Dakota POV **

Lea- Marie was standing right next to me when she said what she said, and I whom was the closest… I wasn't so sure what to do. I wanted to say something to Mady, say something to Benjamin, say something to Lea- Marie but I just didn't know what. And the only thing I knew what to do was to move out of the way when Blaine stomped over to Lea- Marie.

"You are suspended from the glee club, until further notice. Nuh- uh. I don't want to hear any protests you got yourself into this mess, and you don't want me any angrier than what I am now so I want you out of here. I will think of a punishment and before that I do NOT want to see you in this room. UNDERSTOOD?"

Lea- Marie didn't answer, without a word she grabbed her things and with her head held high she stomped out of the room. She slammed the door hard after her and after the loud bang the room seemed if possible even more silent than before.

"Benjamin…" Mady said, and it would take a deaf person not to hear the panic- I couldn't imagine what she must be feeling right now. "She's lying isn't she? Please say she's lying only to make me sad. Benjamin please tell me she's lying. Please."

Only the thought that she was begging Benjamin to lie for her squeezed my heart. And I wanted to say something, I just wasn't sure anything I'd say would make anything better.

"Madison…" I had never heard Benjamin use Mady's full name and the tone in his voice right now ripped my heart into pieces all over again. And I couldn't do else than for the moment hope that I would never hear it ever again.

Seeing Mady's reaction when she must have realized that her daddy was dead couldn't have been more heart-breaking. Damn you Lea- Marie Hale! After everything that Mady had done for us- for this club and just constantly just being there and Lea- Marie had completely broke her whole heart and soul? I mean what monster would do that?

"Hel- help me!"

The tone in Benjamin's voice somewhat told me that he wasn't quite aware of that he was talking at all. But before I had had the time to react- Mr. Blaine, Keagan, Jasper and Daniel had thrown themselves down on their knees by the Heedie's and was grabbing each of Mady's legs and arms to keep her from hurting herself.

When she started hitting her head in the floor I was the fastest one to react, and ripped my T- shirt off, rolled it up and put it on the floor. And just so she suddenly went all limp for several seconds before she turned her head and looked at her brother.

"Benny… Please tell me she was only trying to make me sad."

Benjamin didn't answer. And even though I could tell he was trying to keep strong for his sister I could hear him sobbing. Mady understood…. She understood that Lea- Marie hadn't been lying but when her whimpering mixed with Benjamin's sobbing it only made the room seem even quieter to me.

"Glee club cancelled for today." Mr. Blaine looked up and let go of Mady. And one after one the students of Finn's army slowly leaved the room, I didn't though. I kneeled behind Benjamin and put a hand on his back where he sat with Mady- who obviously had blacked out by everything.

"Is there something I could do?" I asked carefully but Benjamin just shook his head. "Come on Ben… I don't think you should be alone in all of this so… come home with me okay… there are so many people here." Benjamin didn't answer, but carefully lifted Mady up on his hips and walked with my hands- one on his shoulder and the other on his arm, slowly out of the choir room and out in the hallway.

"I…" Benjamin started saying something when we came outside on the porch steps outside the entrance. "I think I'd better go home actually. I need to be alone with Mady." I and Mr. Blaine looked at each other, and none of us seemed to know what would be right or wrong here.

"At least let me give you a ride home." Mr. Blaine asked, Benjamin nodded slightly. For me, there was nothing else to do than to walk up the street and towards my house with the thoughts spinning so much in my head I couldn't take one of them and freaking know what I was thinking.

It was when I walked over the school parking lot and just glancing over the cars I saw Lea- Marie again, sitting in her car with the motor turned off and just… sitting there without doing anything at all. And I couldn't help but stomp over to her and hard knocked on the window to catch her attention.

"Don't you dare sit here and feel sorry for yourself!" I spat. "You got yourself into this mess and you have no right onto feeling sorry for yourself. And if I ever see you talking to Benjamin and being rude to him again I will strangle you. Understand?" Lea- Marie didn't answer, instead she turned the key and quickly skid out of the parking lot.

"F*cking b*tch!"

"CHRISTIAN" I shouted coming inside my, my brothers' and our dad's "CAN YOU TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN?" Nothing happened, and dad came out in the hallway and wondered what it was with me. "I HAVE NEVER BEEN AS ANGRY WITH ANYONE OR ANYTHING AS I AM RIGHT NOW! I WANT TO KILL THAT F*CKING LEA- MARIE HALE WITH MY OWN BEAR HANDS. CHRISTIAN TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN!"

Dad seemed- and he must be the thousandth person I had seen like this today, like he didn't know what to say or where to turn. "You know Benjamin haven't told Mady about what happened to their dad! Well Mady started nagging him to tell her and Lea got tired of it because she just wanted to go out and play and then she just shouted to Mady that that he's dead don't you get that!"

Dad's mouth dropped open while I was just stepping back and forth in the hallway once again not really knowing what to do or where to do of my anger. "CHRISTIAN WILL YOU TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN?" Nothing happened this time either, but dad- even though he still seemed in loss of what to do grabbed my shoulders gently and span me around.

"Go out for a walk Junior. It helps you calm down when you're like this." I tried to protest- I was so angry I was pretty sure it wouldn't help this time but still walked out the door and turned the radio on in my headphones so I wouldn't have to worry about picking my phone up every third minute to change the song.

"…And here…" The guy on the radio station stated. "…Comes one of my favourite songs. It's starting to get kind of old, this summer it will turn ten years. But since the first time I heard it, it's been one of my favorites so here we go…"

The slow guitar riff in the beginning of the song actually helped me calm down, if there was something I couldn't do there was being angry listening to really great songs, and listening to the lyrics of this one I realized how perfect it was and how I needed to sing it for Benjamin.

Benjamin, with all that he had been through might not be ready to let me close and into his heart and soul yet but… I just knew that whenever that would happen and if we were meant to be friends or if we'd feel something more… I was going to be there for him.

"Hey." The morning after I stood on Benjamin's porch steps even though going there meant taking an a lot longer road to school. "Are you alright?" I glanced over him- He looked miserable, and the fact that his hair was more tousled than usual, and that he was dressed in pyjama pants and a Hogwarts- printed- T- shirt with toothpaste stains didn't make it better.

"I don't know…" I tried to say something but he interrupted. "I don't want to talk about it okay? Just go to school and leave us alone okay!" I nodded and Benjamin threw the door closed walking inside again, but still I couldn't ignore the lump in my stomach walking down the road again that there was something more I could do.

I just didn't know what!

I didn't want to disrespect Benjamin's wish of me leaving them alone for now. It was understandable that he wanted these moments alone with Mady but I just needed… Heck I just needed to do something and I just didn't know what.

Although… maybe I couldn't show Benjamin but…

_Can you all meet me in the choir room after the last lesson at five, I just need to do one more song this week- Dakota _

We had made a text- messaging group with all of the members of Finn's army and that's where I sent it out. Of course, like I had expected, Benjamin didn't answer and I later texted him that it wasn't for him but for the rest, and so all of them- including Mr. Blaine met me in the choir room, even if not all of them were too happy about it. Christie Kyemohr seemed about as grumpy as ever.

"Well… I guess no one could have forgotten about what happened yesterday and I have… a bit ago I actually met Benjamin and… and he's a mess! And… And the thing is he's my best friend. And… I heard this song on the radio yesterday that I haven't heard for years but it just said that… what I wanted to say to Ben about… I guess the best way to explain it, would be that I'm going to be there for him through this- and everything else."

"Get to the point some time then." Christie exclaimed rudely and I just shot a glare at her to have her shut up. Daniel stood up, and grabbed one of the guitars to help me with the intro and so I started talking again.

"Well I guess the song says it all." I signed back at Daniel who started playing and so I started singing. The song was a beautiful song and I thought that it suited my voice perfectly, during the ending of the third verse there were these kind of notes higher than the rest and I just… gave it all because that part was just so much fun to sing. And right then I didn't really want the song to end.

During the high notes in the verse Mr. Blaine suddenly stood up. He pulled the fingers of both of his hands and pulled them both into his thick, dark curls and then stood like that with his hands on his head through the rest of the song and I could see tears shining in his eyes.

"Come here guys" Mr. Blaine said with a kind of light and hoarse voice when I had gotten through the whole song. "Come on." He held out his arms and one after one we created a big group hug onto the middle of the floor with every member of Finn's army and then Mr. Blaine laid his arms around someone who stood in the outcasts of it.

"I think…" Mr. Blaine started. "I think that what happened between Lea- Marie, Benjamin and Mady yesterday all threw us off for a bit but the thing is…. If there is something bothering you- whether it's got anything to do with anything here or anything at home or if it's a problem or you just want to share a funny story or whatever. You can always come to me. And it doesn't matter if it's early in the morning, Christmas Eve or in the middle of the night, call me! Even if you've messed up or whatever I will be there okay? And I think that the song Dakota just did… for Benjamin… it's what I would want to say to all of you because… I'll be there, and I won't move unless it's to get somewhere to help you guys."

"Mr. Blaine?" A muffled voice was heard somewhere in the crowd. "So if we have messed up big deal, are at a place we can't tell, and have problems no one can fix. How are you going to help us then?" Mr. Blaine let hear a short chuckle.

"I don't know. But I will do it. I promise!"

**So, something is (Finally) happening in between Esme and Hayley, Lea- Marie is trying to make Daniel see her. Mady knows that her dad won't be coming back, Dakota wants to show Benjamin he's always going to be there for him and Lea- Marie is suspended until further notice. Oh the drama! **

**Playlist**

**Christie/ Charlotte/ Esme/ Sharon- The climb- Miley Cyrus (From Hannah Montana the movie)  
Belle/ Sharon- Sorry- Kaiya Jones and Ella- Rose Shenman (From the saddle club)  
Seth- Breakaway- Kelly Clarkson (From Princess diaries 2)  
Daniel- How to save a life- The fray (From Grey's anatomy)  
Lea- Marie- Watch me shine- Joanna Pacitti (From Legally Blonde)  
Jasper- count on me- Billy Gilman (From Stuart Little)  
Dakota- The man who can't be moved- the Script (From Ghost Whisperer) **

**So, that question I mentioned…**

**Some of the minor characters- as you might know have been filled up and written by some of you who sent in characters to this. Savannah who turns up in this chapter is sent in by GleeJunkie007, Samuel who will turn up in a few chapters was sent in by IloveheartlandX and so on. So I was wondering who of you are up to sending in minors when I need? For those who are further details are here**

**If I come up with a character I will need I'm going to write about three, four details I'm going to need to be right about the character. It can be anything from "needs to be a girl/ Boy" to "Needs to be scared of snakes" and anything in between, and with that I also send a form shorter than the ones that I put up when I put up this story and everything there's left is for you to fill up the form- somehow bringing in the details that I need to suit storylines for that character. **

**So if you could just write in a review or send me a PM if you'd be up for it or not I would be very, very grateful. **


	19. What are friends for?

**So they have officially finished filming glee… that's it! For some reason I actually feel like… it's maybe time for it to end though… so it doesn't feel as bad as I thought it would. What are you thinking? **

**The system in the ditr- collection on my polyvore is changed. Now the newest one are just put on the bottom **

**New polyores**

**-One random for Dana Sanchez. Minor sent in by JoshiferJennoist  
-One random for Austin Brooke. Minor sent in by IloveheartlandX  
-Added to collection- Random for Seth made by GleeJunkie007  
-Prom outfits (Two in each edit) for Belle and Daniel, Charlotte and Seth, Christie and Blaine, Martina and Xenia (X will turn up in the story after Christmas), Sharon and Lea- Marie, Keagan and Bradon and Evie and Jasper  
-One random for Inez Delgado  
-Added to the collection, random for Alexandra Michaels, edit and character filled up by x snow- pony x  
-Added to the collection, Kayla Ashton- Cooper made by GleeJunkie007  
-One random for Jonas Ashton- Cooper  
-Added to the collection, Dominic Ashton- Cooper, made by LocalXmusicXjellybeanX  
-One random for Liam Linnel**

**So yeah. Here we are again! I hope you enjoy this chapter **

**Seth POV**

_I am going to start writing out the weekly themes on here every Monday morning from now on. It's going to give you a chance to choose a song and rehearse and everything before Tuesday's rehearsal. At least I'll try this at least and if it doesn't work we'll just go back to what we have done before. _

_As you all probably know Benjamin and Mady are going through something really tough right now. So I've decided that this week will be for them. And songs about keep holding on and don't stop believing. Or just a song about I'll be there. If you don't want to you don't have to do the songs direct to either Benjamin or Mady or both, but the song have to be about something like that. _

_One other thing about this week is how important it is to stick together. Either to stick together to support a friend together, or to stick together with the friend to support. And that is also about sticking together even when there are fights and discussions. I have put together two groups of three of you that I have noticed some tensions in between, and I will text out to those people who it is and both of the groups has to perform a song together each. _

I looked up from Facebook and my phone with a weird feeling in my stomach. Could it be possible that Mr. Blaine had noticed the tension in between me and Belle and that I currently wasn't talking to her. And ignoring all of her countless annoying attempts to say she was sorry. While I thought she had hurt me too badly for me to just forgive her like that.

Wait…. Mr. Blaine had said two groups of three, which would mean it couldn't be me and Belle since we were only two- well, it was worth hanging onto hope because just as I had thought that my phone beeped with a text message from Mr. Blaine

_I have noticed some tensions in between you and Belle, and also Belle and Charlotte at the same time as there seems to be something in between you and Charlotte as well. So I want you three to meet up and rehearse and then preform it during the week. If you don't I'll think of a punishment, I'm sorry, it's for your best. _

_-Blaine _

"Ugh" I moaned and squeezed my phone in my fist with anger not to send it on a flight across the hallway. "Come on Mr. Blaine." I pushed the phone down in my pocket and turned on my heel just as my phone buzzed again and I had to stop. Unfortunately I wasn't too great with multi-tasking so I had to stop to be able to read what it said. Now Mr. Blaine was on Facebook again.

_Benjamin and Daniel haven't got Facebook, can one of you text it to them I'm a bit busy. Though don't tell Benjamin it's for him, he'd probably find a way to stop us from doing that. See you tomorrow in glee _

I sighed and sat down and pressed to send texts to both Daniel and Benjamin at once.

_Mr. Blaine just wrote on Facebook that the theme for this week is keep holding on, don't stop believing and I'll be there- all of that jazz. See you tomorrow. _

I set the speed towards the library and Mr. Blaine again. And hoped that my phone would finally stop buzzing and go on with messages, sometimes today's technique could be very annoying sometimes and especially in times like right now when everyone kept on writing and I couldn't keep on checking it even though I already had to hurry.

"OH come on…" I stopped walking when once again my phone buzzed and lit up, And I had to stop again and pull that damned phone up.

_Can we meet up today already, I and Bradon's got a song we already know and such and we'd like to do it already today. –Keagan _

I checked the clock and realized it was only five minutes until my next class started so the rest of the way to the library I jogged and caught up with Mr. Blaine realizing that it seemed like he was too busy to talk as when I tried to talk to him he stopped and for a moment didn't even seem to know where or even who he was.

"Oh… Seth… I'm sorry I can't talk right now. Ehrm… when's your lunch break today…" I reached for my schedule in my pocket. "Oh wait I haven't… Look, I'll catch up with you later on my break. We can talk then, see ya!" Mr. Blaine ran off again and I had to hurry to my next class and still came late- ugh! I hated being late!

And of course, to make matters even worse with my teacher I must have accidentally turned my phone's sound off again so just as the whole class was spookily silent when I came in late it beeped and I swore under my breath trying to seem discreet with the phone even though I could feel Mr. Jacobson's eyes on me.

_I haven't got the time today. Sorry Keagan, we'll meet tomorrow, I hope you can all be there. –Blaine _

"Hrm, hrm." I didn't even care to look up before I closed down my phone and handed it to Mr. Jacobson, and turned to my bag to pick up my books while he told me with his low, callous voice that I could pick it up in his office at the end of the day and once again I swore under my breath even though it had gotten really hard not to swear loudly- or rather blow the whole school up.

"See you later then Mr. Anderson." Mr. Jacobson turned and walked down the aisle between the benches.

"Phillips." I stated before I'd have the time to stop myself. "My name- it's Phillips."

"Hey." Mr. Blaine caught up with me when I walked down the hallway towards the cafeteria. "And here." He held up my phone and handed it to me. "Now, no need to thank me. And a magician never reveals his tricks. Now… you wanted to speak to me about something."

"Yeah I…"

"Do not want to do a glee number along with Belle and Charlotte?" He raised an eyebrow at me and I nodded slightly. "I guessed. Come on, let's go talk in my office… Oh… my office… that sounds so nice and important." Mr. Blaine had a silly grin on his lips so I could guess that he hadn't had his own office for too long- or ever before.

"Sit." He gestured to me to sit down and closed the door to his office. "Now, I had a feeling you'd come and ask me to not ask you to do that but… I asked you, Belle and Charlotte to do that because as I've said there was a bit of tension in between you three and I wanted to show Mady that whenever you want to stand together and stand up for a friend that means more than eventual fights. And also I counted that then you three would have to spend some time together and you wouldn't be able to always ignore Belle's apologies like you're doing now." I sighed. "Oh… here's Lea- Marie." I rose. "No… you can stay, I asked her to do a song that she would do as an apology to Mady… I'd like someone else to be here and listen as well so please stay."

I sunk back towards the back of the chair again just as Lea- Marie opened the door and came in without knocking. And even though I could tell Mr. Blaine was being as polite and as nice as always, he was still angry with Lea- Marie. I wasn't surprised though- the whole glee club, Mr. Blaine the most had more or less fallen in love with Mady, she was our mascot and if anyone hurt her she had thirteen extra older brother and sisters, excluding her real big brother that would make it fourteen- everyone except Lea- Marie!

"Oh… Come in, come in." Lea glared to me while Mr. Blaine greeted her. "It's okay, I asked Seth to stay in here while you can show me what you've figured out." He crossed his arms over his chest- never looked Mr. Blaine could look so frightening! "So… I know I asked you to find a song that you could sing as an apology to Mady… so why not get started right away?"

"Too well we're thinking the same then! I haven't got the time to be here!" Lea- Marie snorted with an expression cold as ice. And seeing her being so… well as she usually was right now for me was like a punch in the stomach- I could have strangled her on spot!

"Don't even try it!" I should probably have shut up and kept my mouth shut if I had known my own best. "You got yourself into this mess so don't even try to feel sorry for yourself because you have got absolutely no right to!"

"Well Madelyn or whatever her name is needed to know, didn't she?"

"Madison, and yes she did but she shouldn't have found out like that and absolutely not from you! So don't even try it."

"What do I care about that?"

"She's your friend!" I clenched my hands around the arm supports of the chair I sat in to have something to hold onto in anger. "Oh well… maybe not but you are her friend. And friends don't do things like what you did to Mady and…"

"Can we just go on and let Lea- Marie sing?" Mr. Blaine interrupted. "So… Lea… let's hear what you've got!" Lea- Marie glared to first Mr. Blaine and then to me, then back to Mr. Blaine and back and forth while she was singing.

While Lea- Marie was singing I could feel even more anger boiling up inside of me- how dared she?

The song wasn't even about saying she was sorry and barely about having done something wrong. And if Lea- Marie would have even had a heart she would have put some feeling at all and actually sounded like she meant what she was singing.

I looked to Mr. Blaine for a bit when it sounded like Lea was nearing the end of the song. And it was clear that neither I nor he would let her use this as an apology when what she needed to say was about as far from as she was trying to say as it possibly could be. Because Lea- Marie Hale would not admit that she was wrong!

"So is that good enough for an 'apology'?"

"No!"

"Why not?" Lea- Marie's voice sounded even more whiny than usual and I could tell that now Mr. Blaine had to use all the self- control he had not to blow up.

"Because you're making this about YOU!" Mr. Blaine now stood up with his hands towards the desk and if I was Lea- Marie I would have wanted to run and hide. "And THIS is NOT about YOU. It's about a little girl that would have done anything for you and look at how you re- paid her!"

"Why would that girl do anything for me?"

"Because you're her friend! And what would friends be for if not to make sure that they don't get hurt? So until you can come with a proper apology and tell that you have done wrong YOU are STILL suspended…. And don't slam that…."

BOOM

"…Door." Mr. Blaine slumped back in his chair and rubbed his chin. "Ah, I'm sorry you had to see that Seth. Well… I know you don't want to do this with Belle but… I don't care how but… Mady's still little we need to show her… please Seth." Mr. Blaine put his hands together. "Please… you know… you're her friend too." I nodded, and decided on how I was going to do it.

"I might not fix it the way you want to." I pulled up my phone of my pocket. "But I'll do it. Sorry I've got to go now." Mr. Blaine nodded while I turned around and then stopped in the hallway to send another text message, this one to Belle and Charlotte.

_I know Mr. Blaine wants us to do this song together and all of that jazz. And I know that Belle likes the song smile by Charlie Chaplin, so if none of you mind I will split the song in parts to see how it works and then we can meet up only before school tomorrow and then… _

**Charlotte POV **

…_and then we can do that song for glee club later. See you tomorrow –Seth_

I sighed and laid the phone back by my plate on the table. Today had already been one of those days that I didn't really feel like eating but knowing that I would more or less have to spend some time with Seth had just made me feel like I could have done anything so of course I had chosen to eat one of my biggest fear food and had added a small bag of chips to my lunch.

I had already eaten several of the chips without way too much angst and felt worse and worse, but at the same time better and better about every time I had managed to swallow. And with Liam sitting on the other side of the table cheering for me it was quite hard not to go on as well.

Although with that short message from Seth it felt like my stomach turned and I pushed the tray and the bag of chips away feeling like I didn't want to eat a single piece more. I hadn't said a word to Liam about what the message was about so when I did he suddenly looked confused while I stared onto the bag and barely knew what I was supposed to do with it.

"Lottie?" Liam's voice sounded distressed, but kind of distant. Almost as if he was shouting from the other side of a thin wall. "You alright?" I wasn't looking at him but could see movement in the corner and felt him sitting down again next to me. Then I saw him reaching out and he took my phone to check what it was that I had seen.

"So… First I thought that he actually seemed like he liked me, then he suddenly ignored me, then he actually seemed like he liked me again and I don't know but he kept on asking me if I had a pencil and for the clock and everything. And I just had the feeling he was looking at me the full time as he sang breakaway last week but… now he doesn't want to see me again!"

"Shush, you don't know if it's you he doesn't want to see!"

"It couldn't be Belle! They're best friends aren't the…" I suddenly remembered how Seth had refused to let go of his book while Belle had been singing a song about being sorry. "They're fighting! I don't know about what but they are obviously fighting." I grabbed the bag with crisps from Seth that gave me a weird glare and put them in my bag. "I need to go I've got class. IH! He's not… at least Seth shouldn't be angry with me… he's angry with Belle. But maybe he's angry with me. What if he's angry with me? What did I do then? What do I do then?" I slumped down on the bench again and Liam ruffled in my hair in the way he used to when he thought I was only talking rubbish.

"What if he is angry with me?" Liam looked like that on me again and gestured for me to take my tray and start moving out of the cafeteria. "Liam, what if Seth actually is angry with me?" Liam smiled comforting at me.

"If he is angry with you then he's got no reason to be. You did nothing wrong and if you did you would know it!" I raised an eyebrow at him. "I know you would! Come on now Charlie, if you had done something wrong then you would have realized what you did wrong and then you would have been dwelling and dwelling and dwelling and dwelling. So… Look! Whatever is going on with that Seth Anderson- Phillips I guess it will show when you like he said will have to meet up to rehearse that song." Liam looked to his clock. "I have to go to class now, see ya. Try not to dwell Seth too much please Charlotte."

Well, that was easier said than done wasn't it?

"Hey Liam." When I came home that afternoon I knew Liam would already be home and that would mean that dad would soon be home and that would mean… "Damn it! That's dad's car. I need to start preparing fo… whoa!" I stumbled on the lose sole on my shoes stumbled and not to hit the floor Liam grabbed onto me at the same time as I grabbed onto him.

"Nice to see you too!" Liam chuckled and helped me up. "And… RONALD!" He shouted for my dad who had just come through the door and came out in the hallway. "I know I asked you about it before simply because Charlotte never really has the brains too." His eyes had a sparkle in them I could see, so I knew that he was only joking even though at first when he said like that I was afraid he might have had spent too much time with my sister the bully.

"Yes?"

"She just stumbled and fell because of the fact that her shoes are falling to pieces!" Liam looked meaning up at my dad. "Ronald! I know for a fact why it is that Charlie refuse to go into town by herself. So the thing is, if I don't see you taking her anytime soon I will be taking her and… I might or might not actually be banned from the mall for the closest few times…" Dad raised an eyebrow. "It's a long story!"

"L!" I, Liam and dad moved out into the kitchen where I climbed up on a chair to reach the highest shelves. "Can't Kirsten take you honey? I'm sorry but I've got tons of things to do at work for the closest few weeks." I had turned my back on the guys for a few seconds, but could almost hear how Liam looked at my dad- even the two knew how much I and Kirsten hated each other. "Hmm…" Dad held out his hands to help me down onto the floor again safely. "I can't go to town this week… not next either but…" He pulled out a sheet of paper from his pocket. "I found this at work…. It's something about the whole mall has some sales at Sunday November the third." He handed the paper to me. "I can't promise you anything… something might turn up… but let me have a think about it okay?"

Dad left the room for me to get on with dinner and Liam started helping me preparing as well. I didn't have to say anything, just look at him and he nodded back at me to say you're welcome. I might not be too in love with the thought of having a stepmum- but stepbrother was something better!

"Come on" Liam poured rice in a kettle. "I'm starving!"

"Liam?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks."

"If I was more like mum I would be your stepbrother and your stepbrother only. Kind of like I am with your sister. But for you- I am also your friend, and come on- there's no need to thank me. What are friends for if not to help get money from your parents?"

The next afternoon I can't actually say that I've gone any calmer since the day before even though I had met up with Seth and Belle in the morning and had to spend a while in the same room as them to rehearse our song and I couldn't help but notice that it was obviously in between Seth and Belle the problem was- even though I couldn't let go of the feeling that I had something to do with it.

"I'm sure it's not because of you." Liam told me when we two were walking through the hallway and stopped outside the choir room. "Why would it be because of you anyway?" I shrugged- I must have done something! "Hey… it'll show sooner or later won't it? And dwelling about it won't do anything better so… don't worry about it okay?" Mr. Blaine caught up with us and showed that it was time for glee club so I backed towards the door. "See you."

"So." Just as I walked in and Mr. Blaine right after me he started talking since it looked like everyone were there anyway. "I know you all know about this week's theme…"

"Oh I do!" Daniel stated jokily. "Can someone explain to me why I had like ten messages yesterday about what this week's theme was?"

"Me too." Benjamin agreed. "Like did someone write on Facebook to all of the others to tell us and someone did without telling and then someone else…. Oh… so that is what happened." He looked to Daniel. "Maybe we should just get our own Facebook accounts to make everything simpler for everyone." Daniel shrugged and made a movement as if he wasn't sure.

"Well… as everyone who have got Facebook know, Keagan and Bradon wanted to meet and do their song already yesterday. I didn't have the time to meet up so I decided on instead just letting them go first up today. So… boys, are you ready?" Mr. Blaine smiled and his eyes were shining in that way they always did when he couldn't wait to see what songs we were going to do.

"Yeah, sure." Bradon and Keagan stood up and Keagan pulled something out of his jeans' pocket. "I guess… well… this one is for Mady and Benjamin. And I guess for anyone else who needs it or wants it." I couldn't see what it was since he held it hidden in his hand but as Bradon started moving his hand to a rhythm Keagan lifted what he hid to his mouth and stared blowing- then I heard it was a harmonica.

Bradon started the singing and they didn't sing together until in the refrain. Although their voices mixed very well together and also on their own and with Keagan playing the harmonica it sounded very well.

It might have been that maybe the song was for Mady and Ben and not for me. But I couldn't help to take the lyrics and what they sang right into my heart and soul and… It felt like as if they had been singing right to me and maybe it was just what I had needed because suddenly I didn't feel as nervous and looked around the room kind of knowing that maybe if I did screw it up at least they would all still accept me for who I was.

Even though the feeling was gone as soon as it came it would be enough for me to live on for months

"That was great guys." Mr. Blaine cleared his throat and wiped a few tears. "I… I am not that moved I swear." He laughed shortly. "Well… let's move on until the first group of three that I asked to make a song together- you are going to count it out yourself sooner or later anyway so I'll just say who it is and the first one is Belle, Charlotte and Seth."

"Well… Yeah, this song is for Mady and Benjamin and also anyone else who feels like they need it" Standing down on the floor leaning against the piano and Seth playing at it with Belle standing on the other side of me then the piano keys and Seth. Seth had been talking and now took the keys he needed to get an intro.

I could hear my heart beating in my ears and the intro felt like it was an hour long. I wished to turn back time and not to say that I could sing the first part of the song as my solo. Even though, out of nowhere I decided that I couldn't let go of this now- first word- one word I could do, then after doing that I could concentrate on the next, and the next, and the next.

When I was through my solo I was still holding my breath, and didn't breathe out actually again until the song was all over. Also singing together with Seth and all three I could hear a weird, forced tone that was from almost holding my breath at the same time as I was supposed to be singing. And I knew already now that with how it was sounding I would beat myself up for this for weeks.

"Awesome job guys." When the song was over I was all shaky with relief as I walked back to my chair and sat down again while Seth and Belle sat down in each part of the group. "And… Well, I am happy you could put your differences aside for the performance and…" Mr. Blaine looked from Seth to Belle in different parts of the room. "Well… has someone else got a performance? Dakota? Floor's yours."

"This song is for Mady and Benjamin." Dakota scratched his neck standing down by the piano. "And yeah… I guess I wanted to do it for well… to show for Mady almost especially that your dad is always with you and none of you will ever be alone and… yeah that's about it."

Dakota had chosen to do the song a Capella- without instruments, which if it wasn't a very nice voice or the wrong tone could be boring and annoying I had always thought. But Dakota stayed in tune well and he had a voice nice to listen to, almost better a Capella than what it would have been with instruments or sound effects.

"So…" I had had a feeling he would and Dakota had barely finished the song when Benjamin spoke up. "Why does everyone keep on saying they're doing their songs for me and Mady? Who decided that?" Benjamin looked down on Mr. Blaine. "Mr. Blaine Hummel- Anderson?" Someone had gotten up a phone and showed Benjamin what Mr. Blaine had written on Facebook. "Oh come on Mr. Blaine!"

"I was only trying to help!" Mr. Blaine said calmly to the Blonde- haired boy who seemed distressed. "We're your friends. And we wanted to help you because it's what friends are for."

"And look how great you have been doing that this far!" Benjamin flew up onto his feet and lifted Mady up. "I wouldn't have had half as many problems if it wasn't for this damn glee club." Benjamin threw his backpack over his shoulder and then stormed out of the room to Mr. Blaine that stroke his face and let his hand rest over his eyes for a split second before he moved it down and put it against his side before he sighed and turned to us.

"I'll talk to Benjamin about this. None of you ask him about that okay?" Mr. Blaine glanced over the group and let us all know he was very, very serious "Glee dismissed for today. See you on Thursday." As usual there were chairs pushed towards the floor and everyone were trying to find their own bags and jackets to get out of the room and home for the day.

"CHARLOTTE!" I had barely come out of the school building when I heard someone shouting and turned to see my dad standing by his car in the parking lot and I went over there. And couldn't help to feel happy that for once in a lifetime my dad had gone early from work.

"What are you doing here?"

"I could leave work early so I decided to come and pick you up. Hey… I was wondering about that we said yesterday." He opened the door for me to get in and walked around the car to sit down by the driver's seat and started driving before he continued. "And what I found out about the mall having extra time open and sales and God knows everything on Sunday at the end of the week when your half term holidays are…. And I was thinking… that maybe we could go into town then just you and me and we could go into town and get you new shoes and I know you need new dancing shoes as well, but please leave me something to get for your birthday. So… what do you say about that?"

"Dad?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

**Bradon POV **

"Are you alright?" I had started to make a sketch of the first drawing I needed for Mr. Jackson's assignment, the one of Carole sitting and listening to remember, by listening to the songs who were Finn's favorites. But even though I knew she would be trying to hide it- I could see that she was hurting and breaking down.

"You know if you don't... I could just take a photo and then use that. That would be faster."

"No, no." I could see Carole was wiping a tear. "It's fine. It really is Bradon. I promise." Carole had put the music on, but so quiet I could barely hear it and she needed to lie with her ear almost pressed to the speaker of the CD player. And I quickly looked down on my sketch again and up and down to get the sketch done as fast as possible. It wouldn't be my greatest work with that but I could fix it with making a new sketch from the old sketch later.

Even though I did it as fast as I possibly could we must have been sitting there for several hours. Carole didn't have to sit like that for long because at last I forced her to go with that I'd take a photo and just take it like that. And for some reason I stayed in the corner of the Hudson- Hummel- Kyemohr- house's sofa and sketched with my pencil over the paper while Carole sat right by me and watched silently.

And even though it felt to me like the time was just flying by, I still felt kind of relieved when I heard footsteps on the porch steps and Christie and Burt Hummel came in, at the same time as Mr. Blaine- who had asked me to stay until Christie came back from the hospital came running down the stairs.

"Oh, thank you for staying Bradon." He stated and riffled in the papers he was carrying. "I wanted you to stay because it was this song I know meant a lot to Finn, and since you two knew him very well I wanted you two to do it as a duet." Mr. Blaine gave me and Christie each paper. I couldn't help but smile, I loved this song. "Since I thought it was perfect for this week's theme and… well… one of you take the first verse and refrain, the other the second and third verse and then you take the second and third refrains together. Who want to start?" Christie gestured to me. "Okay." Mr. Blaine sat down by the piano and started playing.

I had to admit I was pretty happy Christie had let me get the first verse and refrain alone. Even though the whole song was a beautiful piece but the first part of the song just had that little extra. And I couldn't remember ever doing my best this hard as I did to get the singing as well as possible, mostly because I could remember the song being one that meant a lot to Finn and always thought of it as his song- so I would honor him as much as I possibly could.

I had heard Christie sing a couple of times before, but I still couldn't help to feel kind of impressed of her voice. Whenever she would be talking her voice would be either low and quiet, or just rude and stronger. I don't think I had ever heard her use anything else than a rude tone when she was talking because she was always using a rude tone. And it seemed like when she was singing was the only time she let it go. And with her voice being that strong- it was amazing how it would fit within her tiny figure.

"That was awesome guys." Mr. Blaine clapped when we had finished the song. "And Carole's tearing up so she obviously is agreeing with me…" Blaine smiled and patted Carole's shoulder while she had to pull her glasses off so she could wipe the tears.

"Ah, I'm a total wreck." Carole joked. "I… I think Finn would have loved that... Come on Bradon, I'll give you a ride home." She switched the subject quickly and I gathered my things trying to be fast, so of course I dropped my drawing and send it on a flight across the room where Carole bent down and picked it up.

"Ugh! Did you have to include exactly all of my wrinkles?" She scolded but I could see the kind of mischievous sparkle in her eyes that meant she was joking while she handed the drawing back to me while I just shook my head.

"You know a part of the lesson was to do it on someone old… kidding, I was kidding." When Carole grabbed a newspaper and started hitting me with it I couldn't help but laugh. "Geez, old women can't take jokes can they?" Laughing, Carole continued hitting me, harder this time but still laughing- and I was happy I had made her laugh even though she still had tears left on her cheeks.

"You're beautiful…" I sang on a James Blunt's song. "You're beautiful…" Carole seemed to hesitate so I continued with the melody and changed the lyrics. "…And yes I am, singing it to you." Carole shook her head at me, but I could too see her smiling.

"Well… see you tomorrow on glee club then!" Mr. Blaine came out in the hallway. "And if you don't mind, I'm going to let you and Christie start of the glee club rehearsal with this song because it is for sure an awesome song and I think it would be an awesome start."

"No!" In the start of the glee rehearsal the next day it was clear that Christie didn't think she agreed to this. "No, it doesn't matter what I said yesterday. I'm not doing it now, I am not doing it today. I can't even stand up because my whole body- yes whole body is cramping. It doesn't matter what you say." Mr. Blaine seemed to hesitate for a minute and then signed something to Daniel and they grabbed each side of Christie's chair and lifted it up as if it was light as a feather. "Oh come on you guys." Christie jumped down from the chair and carefully walked down onto the floor.

"I'll do it then but only if you'll stop nagging and Bradon… now!"

Before Christie would have the time to change her mind I jumped down and joined her in the middle of the room. She sat down by the piano and placed her hands towards the keys so she could play the melody while I started singing on the first verse.

"Yes." When we had gotten through the whole performance as perfect as it possibly could have gone I raised my hand and tried to high- five Christie. Maybe I should have guessed she wouldn't be up for it, but it was more of a habit since all of the years I had been best friends with Keagan. Christie on the other hand, only glared at me and limped back to her chair.

"Oh well…" Mr. Blaine stood up again. "At first I just wanted to tell you some news quite exciting. You know I was talking about the new directions' pianist being ours? Brad Ellis?" I nodded and sat back down. "Well… I could reach him but he wasn't up for it so I've been calling around for a bit and… how many here have got the twins' drama class?" All of the people in the room raised their hands. "Well… The Ashton- Cooper twins', Dominic and Jonas are from next week on our new guitarist and saxophonist slash harmonicist…. I don't think that's a word! Well he plays the harmonica as well. And also their little sister who is in her senior year will from next week on be Finn's army's pianist. Yeah?" Mr. Blaine smiled from ear to ear. "Okay, who else have got performances for today?"

"I have"

"We have"

Benjamin and Jasper and Daniel had spoken at the exactly same time.

"Oh you can go first." Daniel gestured to Benjamin.

"I'd rather do it in the auditorium." Benjamin stated and patted Mady's arm. "So if you're going to do it in here then I think you should go first." Daniel nodded and he and Jasper stood up while Jasper grabbed his guitar and put it over both of their legs after they had jumped up to sit next to each other on the piano.

Jasper took so he could play on the guitar, and Daniel sat by the neck so he could take the chords and "Well… we haven't really done any song together before so… when Daniel was helping me with some math earlier this week one of us had the idea to do a song like this… which is… about… that whenever you'll need me… I will be there to help you keep holding on" Daniel placed his fingers right around the guitar's neck and Jasper took a few tabs.

I hadn't really heard this song before, but it was a beautiful song with a beautiful message. Jasper and Daniel's voices sounded well together and even during the high notes in the third verse everyone hit the right notes, well, except when Jasper went sharp and started coughing and laughing- but he was soon back on track again.

"Awesome guys." Mr. Blaine and us other. "Jasper, I'll help you practice, some way we are going to have you reach that tone. Oh… Is there anyone else who wants to do some song before we move towards the auditorium? No one? Okay?"

I heard Benjamin sigh when we all stood up and started moving towards the auditorium. Mady who had always been so full of sparkle and life, and never still or quiet for a single moment. Well… It had gone to the part where Benjamin had to carry Mady around because she just wouldn't move, and always with the same miserable expression on her face and her whole body.

It was a good thing Lea- Marie Hale wasn't here. If she had been, I could have sworn I- along with most other people in here, would have killed her with our own bear hands for what she did to Mady. And that comes from one who had a funeral for a fly he killed… well I was four but, I hadn't got any less squeamish that was for sure.

Mady still wouldn't move on her own, but I couldn't help to notice how careful Benjamin put her down into one of the red chairs and how he made sure she sat next to Mr. Blaine and that he'd keep an eye on her- not that he would need specifically Mr. Blaine to do that though, since everyone would be keeping an eye on her without any signs of stopping.

"Ehrm…" Jasper sat down by the piano and Benjamin took the microphone. "Well… I…. Jasper offered to play the piano, thank you Jasper and… this song is… ehrm. It is one of my favorites and… I wanted to do it for you Mads because I know… that as long as you are you and all that jazz then there's nothing else I could possibly need so… here we go."

Jasper had played the guitar a few times in glee club, but because of the fact that his sister had done that part during the auditions, we had never seen or heard him playing the piano. And even though he was one of them I couldn't help to have my doubts about- not that he wasn't talented only just not as talented as some of the other boys, I couldn't help to notice how much of a talented pianist he was.

Benjamin too was talented, it wasn't that we hadn't seen it before I guess it was only that we hadn't seen Benjamin totally open up and let go of control as much as he did now, to for that make the most pure and probably one of the best performances we had seen so far in Finn's army.

And that song! It would start of low, end really low and somewhere in the middle there were some really high notes and… I didn't really want to admit it, and for a while I was a hundred percent sure Keagan would bet me all of his money Ben wouldn't quite reach the highest notes, even though even for Keags it was a bit too serious for that now.

And maybe it was good because Benjamin hit all the notes beautifully, from the very lowest to the very highest were he pretty much had to shout not to go sharp he hit the tones beautifully, and at almost all times he was looking towards Mady with that look in his eyes that he would have done absolutely anything if it meant he could see Mady smiling again.

And by the time the last tone rang out everyone- including Jasper that was.

Everyone except for Mady. Who sat absolutely still staring right in front of her, miserable, but at the same time almost callous. And absolutely not the expression Mady had had at this point- or ever! And even though he had pulled the microphone away from his mouth and turned it off, we could all hear Benjamin's sigh.

"Mr. Blaine, can you just stay here for a moment so I can go to the locker and get my things?" Mr. Blaine nodded at Benjamin's question and sat down by Mady again, and while all of us others were more or less slowly moving up the stairs and up towards the hallway I could see Benjamin hurrying up as fast as he could without running.

"Hey?" I and Keagan had been walking slowly, and when we came up in the hallway we walked by Benjamin's locker where he stood leaned into it shaking with sobs. Keagan immediately rushed forward and placed a hand on Benjamin's back and I wasn't too long after just as Benjamin reached a piece of paper to Keagan and he read out loud.

"God made you a boy… Boys are with girls… go to hell." Keagan scratched his neck. "Just the usual homophobic stuff." Keags patted Benjamin's back. "Don't care about it Benji. Just the fact that they did this behind your back and won't even show themselves proves that you're one- ahead of them and two- a lot nicer than them and three- a lot better than them!"

Benjamin had stopped shaking and sobbing and finally… came out from the locker and showed his tear- stained cheeks and swollen, red eyes. Before he slowly leaned back into the locker again and then hit his fist over the locker next to his.

"I'm sorry guys… I really shouldn't be putting this all on you."

"Pft." Kegan groaned. "Not one more word about something like that, we're your friends Benjamin and we… whoever has written this letter we will find her or him and crush her! Do you want to help?" Even though Benjamin still had just about the whole world's problems on his shoulder and had barely stopped crying I could see him smiling slightly.

"You do realize…" Benjamin came out of the locker and locked it again and I reached him a tissue."…That you two are two of them that he or she might choose to hate too…. I mean… That sounded better in my head I didn't mean…"

"Oh shut up!" Keagan said so Benjamin wouldn't go on and on. "We're your friends. And come on! What are friends for if not for causing more trouble than there was from the beginning?"

**Sharon POV **

"So… girls?" When glee club was over at Thursday afternoon Mr. Blaine showed me, Esme and Martina to come down on stage. "I was going to tell the others that we've got an extra rehearsal tomorrow after school but I forgot… anyway… that means you've got tomorrow left to do what I asked you to and put a song together."

Esme moaned. I couldn't blame her for it and I was looking down to the floor or my hands the whole time, tugging the shirt I was wearing all the time to make sure it wouldn't show all too much that I was pregnant. I had managed until now to wear shirts big enough for not to show the whole world what I had done but it was getting harder.

"I'm sorry." Mr. Blaine bit his lip. "Look! From the beginning there were two groups of three each between people that I have seen a bit of tension in between. And the others have already done a song so…." Mr. Blaine smirked mischievously "Feel the pressure! No I'm just kidding, but I decided to do this as well to show Mady that sometimes things are worth looking past your fights and differences for. Benjamin knows but Mady is still little and I really want to show her this." Mr. Blaine sat down on his knees and put his hands together. "Please, please, please you guys."

I looked to Esme, Esme always looked so hurt when she looked at me but she turned and looked to Martina who turned and looked back to me. And there was some silent decision made between the three of us and I looked back to Esme and nodded.

"Maybe…" A thought hit me. "You know… Benjamin did his song for Mady and we all know that Benjamin is trying to brush the songs off and that we're not doing them for him but for Mady… so maybe we should do this song that one…" I hummed. "…And do it for him and only him. I mean- we'll still be there for Mady and everything but…"

"Isn't that song about a rat?" It was clear that Esme- who had been bringing that question up might have agreed to do this song with me and Martina. But it still didn't mean that she was going to be anything but rude and cold talking to me, or that she'd agree to any of my ideas.

"Yes, I think it kind of is." Martina agreed and I felt a lump in my stomach. "But it's a great song as well and there are more known versions of it made where they have been to… whoever person who needed it right then. And I think that you Sharon are right and if we didn't do this particular song then… yeah, we all know what Benjamin's like!"

Looking to me Esme's expression was still cold and hard as stone. But she didn't try to protest anything more and somehow it was already decided what song we would do. And the next hour was spent printing the lyrics, splitting into parts we would song and discussing how to do the song- every time I came with an idea Esme would turn it down but a few times it ended up like the first and that Esme had to give in when Marti agreed with me.

"Oh f*ck!"

I had turned my phone off to save the batteries during the afternoon. And not until I turned it on again on the bus towards my block and saw no less than eight missed calls and twelve messages from my mum I remembered how he had asked me to come home early today because she knew someone from my school who knew someone who knew someone that had gone pregnant at like fifteen and that they would come over so I could talk to someone that had been through the same as I was going through now.

Only I had been so nervous about it first I had done my best to suppress it, and forgotten about it and I should have been home a freaking hour ago because they should be there a freaking half hour ago. It's needless to say that the rest of the bus ride I could just as well had gone into premature labor of how much I was bouncing up and down with stress.

"Oh, there you are." I ran- well ran as good as I could into the house and found mum standing in the hallway with a couple I barely even recognized along with a chubby- cheeked toddler who looked up at me with big, brown eyes.

"I'm sorry… I was… glee club. I forgot about time and about this and…" I made some gesture and looked to my mum who didn't seem to know what to do either and looked from me to the couple who didn't seem so sure either.

"Well… We might as well introduce ourselves." The male- perhaps a couple of years older than me had been sitting on one knee to tie his shoelaces and now raised again. Showing that he was quite short- barely as tall as me, and had black hair and kind, grey eyes. "I'm Austin Brookes, he introduced himself holding the toddler on his hip with his other hand and then laid that hand on the Hispanic girl's shoulder. "This is my girlfriend Inez, and our son Cal- Callum actually but… just Cal!"

"My name is Sharon," I thought for a moment and then just went on it. "And my mum thought it was a good idea so we are here, I am four months pregnant, and the father's a dick!" Mum rubbed her face in a sort of distressed move that she used to when she thought I was making a fool out of myself. "Well… I guess when I weren't coming you were leaving but now I came so… what do we do?"

It felt like ages while we all stood just all quiet almost as if we were waiting for an answer to pop up and dance in front of our eyes. Then Austin lifted Cal more safely up on his own hip and turned to Inez.

"I think I should better go home with Cal, he'll be crawling out of his skin if we force him to keep still anymore." I could see Austin had to struggle a bit not to drop his son when Cal started climbing around his dad's torso and back. "But… I think the two here that have the most in common are you two and… yeah, I think you two should talk."

I wasn't so sure about what I wanted or should have been thinking in this moment. Mum might have been right and maybe it would be kind of good for me to talk to someone who had at least been through something similar that I was going through right now but… I wasn't so sure I would be able to open up to someone who had been a complete stranger to me just ten minutes ago.

"So…" Five minutes later when I sat on my bed in my room and Inez at my desk chair. Austin and Cal had left and I had forced mum into the other part of the house and I was- well… making a try to start a conversation at least.

"Yep!"

"Well… what are we supposed to say actually?" I let hear a short laugh, but it was more because I just felt awkward and weird than because I found something funny in the situation. "Like… I say well I'm four months pregnant and you say oh well I've been where you are and then I say I don't know what to do and you tell me what to do and that's it?"

Inez smiled comforting and for a moment I- even though I knew how unrealistic it would be, hoped that she would have the answers to as of what I was supposed to do now with all of this. And so she started talking.

"I'm afraid that I cannot tell you what to do Sharon. It's a conclusion that we can all help you with with letting you know about the different options and what they will all mean but the decision is always going to come down to you." Something clenched in my stomach- that was one of the things I had not wanted to hear! Actually I would have wanted to hear anything that just didn't add to the pile of things that kept on telling me how lonely I was.

"But…. What I can tell you is that I know you do feel lonely. And I know that you feel like panicking and screaming and shouting and anything that might tell the world how you're feeling for someone to know and be able to tell you what it is that you are supposed to do now. I can tell that you're feeling frightened, and lonely and angry and sad and all at once while at the same time you just love your baby so much it feels like your heart is going to explode and break at the same time and…"

"And?"

"And I can tell that it's alright. Whatever you're feeling if you love or hate or feel happy or angry or sad or like you just want to turn back time and choose another way then, that's alright. And no one can tell you how to feel so just… bring all of them emotions on and… yeah. It's alright to feel that you just hate all of this and it's alright to hate the baby… I know I did- loads of times I hated everything about being pregnant and everything including Cal. And I was so ashamed of it but… someone wise told me that it was okay, and if I'd try to push it away I'd make it only worse while if I instead let the feelings come and felt what… what I felt like feeling so to say then what were supposed to happen would happen."

Inez silent and the silence was replaced by a feeling of numbness that I couldn't remember ever feeling before or could quite place about what it felt like. And to not just sit there and wait for the time to pass I stood up and walked over to the window and looked out.

To finally, for the first time in a long time be able to just take my feelings and embrace them instead of trying to push them away. Only from hearing this girl I barely knew at all say the words that I couldn't put the right words on. And on top of it all knowing that she might at least know a piece of what I was going through right now made me feel so... With ease and that was for sure a feeling that hadn't been to dominating these last few months.

"I'd like to ask you a question." My own voice sounded weirdly odd and distant. "You don't have to answer if you think it's too private or something but… When you came out and told people you were pregnant. Was there someone who hated you for it?"

"Are you kidding me?" Inez wasn't slow with answering me. "My parents kicked me out. Haven't spoken to them since then. Not one word. So yes, and people took the freedom to say whatever they felt like behind my back but I chose not to let them bring me down. After all- saying it behind my back only meant I was ahead of them. And they are going to do it to you too so you might as well be ready for it." I nodded. "Sorry… you seem like you want to carry on and I'm just babbling."

I sat down again and swallowed, thinking about how Esme hated me- it was understandable of course only I…. I had never really had an easy time talking to people about my problems, neither did I now but something in the way Inez's expression looked so comforting, and something in the way I knew that she had been through something like this I started talking before I had had the time to hesitate.

"It's kind of ironic actually…" I forced myself to laugh shortly. "…The Fredericks- triplets were having this party and I didn't want to go. But in the end of the year we had had so many exams and things so my best friend Esme talked me into going with her and said we would both need a break and then… we drank and Alex he…"

I was surprised myself by how easy it suddenly was to talk. But I started from the beginning and the party and then it just went from there. Inez didn't interrupt and I was grateful for that, if I had stopped- even stuttered I might have not been able to go on anymore and then it all would have been for nothing.

But I did go on, all the way until today and how Esme had protested about each and every one of the ideas I had. And then I slumped back towards the cushions of my bed and took several deep breaths. In some way I felt weirdly relieved after having spilt it all, just have gotten it out of my head so at least I wasn't all alone in all of it. But something had been replaced of a weird, empty feeling instead.

"Wow!" After several minutes of silence Inez spoke up again. "You have gotten yourself into a very deep mess Shar!" She looked up at me with an expression that told me there wasn't anything mean in what she was trying to say but no jokes either. "Have you got your phone?" I nodded and handed it to her so she could press in a number and then hand it back. "That's my number… look! Whenever you want to talk… about this or about whatever else then… call me okay?"

"You know…" I hesitated. "Two hours ago I didn't even know who you were… And now we're… this and… I guess just telling you that all I just… how do you say it? I guessed I just took a big risk I can't think of the expression."

"They say a stranger is a friend you haven't met. And then I guess you and I have always kind of been friends." Inez smirked. "And… I mean come on. What are friends for if not to help you realize when it's time to just close your eyes and jump?"

"So that's it." I told myself before mine, Martina and Esme's performance in glee club on Friday. "After this performance we will have to change clothes for the next and then everyone will know. The faster you get out on that stage the faster this performance will be done and the faster you'll get to the part where everyone will know…"

I looked up and around on the others. "So just close your eyes and jump!" Instead of jumping of a cliff I took a step out on the stage, then another one, then another one until I had reached where I, Martina and Esme would sit on each high stool and sing or song for Benjamin.

"Well.." Martina started talking. "It might be pretty obvious with the lyrics of this song but this song is for Benjamin. We know you don't think you need it Ben but then… just see it as a nice gesture." I looked to Martina who looked to Esme who looked to me. And so the intro started and led us to the start of the song we had chosen.

"Awesome guys." I barely even knew what was happening before the song had ended and through the whole song and everything since I knew what was coming right after I could hear my heart beating loud in my ears and as the song ended I could barely breathe with nervousity when Mr. Blaine started handing out black sweatpants and plain T- shirts with different colors- all of what seemed like the biggest sizes he could have possibly find.

"Oh well… I want you all to get changed... you know where the changing rooms are. And the best part is… you can all keep the clothes as a thank you from me for how you have been sticking up for each other and putting your differences and discussions aside this week. And I am so, so proud of all of you." I took the orange T- shirt and black sweatpants Mr. Blaine reached me "And… of course since we others will make a rainbow pattern we will also need one dressed all in rainbow's colors and… Mady… how about this?" Mr. Blaine held up a big rainbow- patterned dress and a pair of sneakers found at some second- hand store for Mady.

But Mady barely even looked at it, she just turned away her head and grabbed tighter onto her brother. I walked over and took the things form Mr. Blaine and then took Mady's and more or less had to pull her with me into the changing rooms and then had to help her get changed before changing myself.

By the time I grabbed the big hoodie I was wearing that was still covering my belly everyone else were standing talking and God knows why they were still standing around the room. I looked around as if I was hoping no one would see- even though I knew perfectly well someone would and then everyone would know.

And so, before I had had the time to hesitate anything more I pulled the hoodie over my head. And had barely even gotten it off before I heard someone gasp and knew that they had seen. That they had all seen.

I decided not to mind it for the moment and pulled the T- shirt on in a room that had gone silent as the grave. It gave me a few extra seconds before I had to face them all, because by now everyone had seen- even though to me everyone didn't matter.

The only one I saw was Esme, who seemed to be holding her breath where she stood staring from my face, down to my belly, up to my eyes again and back to my belly. And then it all exploded, Esme was half jumping, half running towards me, someone caught her before she had the time. Christie ended up somehow in the middle of it all and with how tiny she was it was chaos there too.

Actually, in the matter of a few seconds after Esme seemed like she wanted to attack me everything was chaos in the whole room and I didn't know where to turn or what to do. And so suddenly Mr. Blaine was in the room along with a few of the boys pulling someone away from whoever while Mr. Blaine was shouting.

And still Mady had barely reacted.

"WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?" Mr. Blaine shouted furiously, but seemed to get a picture that over- all this was about me and Esme. "Come on you guys." He was holding onto Esme's shirt as she was still struggling when we moved out towards the stage where there would be more space for everyone not too involved in this to move.

"Come on." Mr. Blaine showed us all to sit down on the stage. "What is going on with you guys?"

"Anything can be going on." Esme shouted. "I am not doing anything more with that sl*t!" she pointed towards me and had a… oh if only glares could kill- glare from Mr. Blaine who gestured towards Mady.

"Esme please, there are children… oh." Mr. Blaine turned to see that Benjamin had taken matters into his own hands and simply put his hands over Mady's ears so Mady wouldn't be able to hear the bad words spoken. "Come on you guys. Look! I know you've all got your feuds and fights and God knows everything but that is one of the reasons I wanted to have this week- for Mady. And for all of us to stand together for one of the people who would do anything to see us happy. And for that I just wanted this last song so please… please" Mr. Blaine sat down on his knees and moved around. "Please guys, please!" He stood up again and walked over to the edge off the stage, and just looked over the chairs

Something in the words, or in the tone Mr. Blaine had just been speaking seemed to have made some of us realize how serious he actually was, and so Jasper in his green T- shirt stood up and moved over to stand next to Mr. Blaine. Martina as the next one and there seemed to have grown a symbolism in standing up with Mr. Blaine.

The last one to not have been standing up with Mr. Blaine and the others was Esme. I was standing turned so I could see her, and with how well I knew Esme and everything I could tell that she had to tell herself that she was wrong this time.

"Come on Esme." I begged. "Look! After this performance it will be over and you won't need to have anything else to do with me just please… this once! For Mr. Blaine and for… for Mady!" Esme didn't look up, but stood up and came walking.

"I hate you." She wheezed when she walked by me and I nodded. It still hurt badly but… Well but nothing. Thanks to myself and my own acts I had lost my best friend and right now there was nothing I could do that would change that.

"Okay guys." I could almost hear how huge the smile on Mr. Blaine's face was as he backed and took Mady's hand. "Get up so you create that beautiful rainbow pattern with your T-shirts. Who's got the red one- yeah you first, Sharon next, Belle's got yellow so you're next and… oh this is so awesome! Come on now Mady you and I go and sit down."

During singing there was more than one voice shaky and breaking, and more than one tear rolling down the cheek. Also Mr. Blaine had tears in his eyes as the performance went on and was bawling loudly and openly when it was over- although it might or might not have been from sorrows and more from stress and happiness and God knows what else.

There was only one person who didn't seem touched by the performance.

Mady still hadn't seemed like she had reacted at all

Obviously, all of us being her friends and showing it to her just didn't help right now

**So ehrm… yeah, Austin and Cal were sent into me from IloveheartlandX. So yeah, Austin's portrayed by Logan Lerman, Inez by Raini Rodriguez and Cal by Pierce Gagnon. **

**Playlist**

**Lea- Marie- More like her- Miranda Lambert  
Bradon/ Keagan- That's what friends are for- Dionne Darwick  
Seth/ Belle/ Charlotte- Smile- Charlie Chaplin  
Dakota- You are not alone- Michael Jackson  
Christie/ Bradon- Stand by you- Carrie Underwood  
Bradon- You're beautiful- James Blunt  
Daniel/ Jasper- Count on me- Bruno Mars  
Benjamin- You raise me up- Josh Groban  
Esme/ Sharon/ Martina- Ben- Jackson 5  
Group- True colors- Cyndi Lauper **


	20. Because I'm still afraid

**So, ehrm… sorry it took me a while to update. I'm trying to finish a few stories, Love is stronger than hate mainly. And then some things happened, I won't write here since you guys probably just want to get to the chapter. But for the one who's interested I can keep you updated about how far away the chapters are. **

**Oh, and I have to give a shoutout to Riana Salvatore now. I have lost count of how many times I've written to her with the weirdest explanations of words I'm looking for and she still answers the words. So thank you Riana Salvatore! You're the best! **

**New polyvores **

**-Random for Shauna Butler  
-Added to the collection- Random for Jude Vincent, character sent in and polyvore made by GleeJunkie007 **

**Martina POV **

_I was sitting next to mum in the passenger seat in the front seat of her car. She was driving and apart from the lamp posts and the lights of the car the road was all empty apart from us. It was early in the morning and we were drowning towards a beautiful view of mountains, which suddenly were lit up from the sun that was rising behind them. _

_Mum turned into a side road, as continuing to drive right forward the sun would be blinding her. But just as she turned into the new road and it was lit up just perfectly much from the morning sun we could see a cat, a cat that I easily recognized as my Gro that was in the middle of the road and mum turned not to hit her. _

_But too late, the car's right tire hit Gro, and suddenly there was a loud crash, something changed and I was standing outside of the car. Gro, who had gone more red than her usual grey colour of all of the blood was lying right on the side of the road and the whole front of the car, including mum's seat and the seat I had been in just two seconds ago was mashed and pushed up against a lamp post. _

"_MUM!" I closed my eyes for a split second, and when I opened them again I was by what had been the door to mum's side of the car. "MUM." Mum had blood in her face, blood in her hair, blood over the whole shirt that I had given her for her last birthday, she still had her eyes open but there was some light going out in them as when you turn off a light little by little. _

"_When the daylight…. Comes I… I have to… I have to… go." Mum's voice was hoarse and weak, and not at all sounded right. She didn't at all look like before either but she was still beautiful, just as beautiful as ever. _

"_No… No… No…" I ran over to her but something was holding me back while mum was fading more and more. "NO. NO. NO." Mum's eyes were closing more and more and the less I could see of them the less I could see of her as she had gone more and more transparent and just as the force that was holding me back let go I ran over and tried to touch her and keep her with me and so she disappeared. _

"_NO MUM, NO…" _

"NO"

"It's okay, it's alright." I shot up in my bed and was right away caught by a strong pair of arms. "It's okay, it was just a dream." Dad embraced me and used one of his hands to rub my back and the other one to play in my hair and rub my head. "It was just a dream."

I was doing my best not to cry, but it only lasted for a second or two and I completely broke down towards my dad's shoulder. Dad held me even tighter and softly hushed and tried to make me calm down, but it must have taken at least three minutes before I could even catch my breath again and I was starting to feel kind of dizzy.

"Do you want some water?" Dad reached towards a jug and a glass I always had standing on my bedside table but I pulled him back and shook my head. "No?" Dad pulled his hand back and put it in his own lap while rubbing my hand with the thumb of his other hand. "Are you alright? Was it that dream again?"

I nodded.

I had dreamt that dream since mum died, it was the same every single time.

It was so much that could have gone differently the day my mum and my cat died. If I hadn't let Gro out, if mum hadn't left at the exact moment she did, if I hadn't left my room at the exact moment as I had I wouldn't have let Gro out right then and if any of those things then mum would have lived. And then she would have been alive right now and I wouldn't have to stand the thought that everything was my fault. At the same time as I was trying to stand the fact that my mum was gone and would never be coming back.

"What time is it?" I asked, mostly to have something at all to say, even though everything I would have had to do was to lean my head backwards and look at the numbers lit up by a projector in my alarm clock and I would see what time it was. Dad knew about the projector so he looked away for a split second and then looked down at me again.

"Just after six. " He stroke my cheek and then stood up. "I'll go make breakfast, there's no point with falling back asleep right now and I can guess you wouldn't even want to." I shook my head. "Eggs?" I shrugged, knowing that dad even knew that he didn't have to ask since I had my all- time- favourite- breakfast anyway. "Get some more rest. I'll come and get you when they're done."

I laid down in my bed again, but made sure not to close my eyes. I didn't want to fall asleep, if I did the dreaming would only be back. And I couldn't take it! Not now, not again. Not already!

In the beginning, right after my mum had died I used to have nightmares about every night, they started fading and got to every other, that got to about once a week and kept on going and getting less and less like that. So one night I had had a dream and just had a feeling I wouldn't have a single dream again, and I hadn't… for over one year.

Because it had been more than one year ago since I had last had one of those dreams. Flashbacks yes, and the feelings would never leave but… not those night terrors and have gotten rid of just one thing made what was left of it feel not just quite as hard.

And I could only guess that maybe… now it was back…

Now it was back.

_Hello guys. I am back! _

Just having come to school a few minutes late when my phone buzzed when Mr. Blaine put information about this week's theme for Finn's army and reading the first line he had written I couldn't help but sigh at the irony before I kept on reading.

_As you, probably even better than I know. Next week are the Halloween holidays, and therefore this week is for Halloween- but not quite for Halloween but for you to do songs about things you are afraid of. Or that represent what you are afraid. _

_Of course, no one is forced to do a song but everyone are welcome. And as usual, I can't wait to see what you have got. So much can't wait to see I actually don't know how I am going to survive without all of you next week. _

_Oh, and if you can help me make sure that everybody knows that we've got an extra meeting in the choir room today and we're meeting Mr. And Mr. Ashton- Cooper, and Kayla Ashton- Cooper from Senior year. See you all then _

_-Blaine _

_P.S. I'll let Daniel and Benjamin know myself this time, so you don't need to worry about that _

"It's RENIE!" I suddenly heard someone fizzle, and froze when I recognized the voice. For a second or two I couldn't move at all but so I spun around and turned to the direction the sound of the voice had been coming from. But with all the classes having started the hallway was still empty.

"Damn!" I pinched my arm to make sure I was awake and not still dreaming. There was no way that girl could be here. Not here and not today. I knew that so I shouldn't even have had to worry about if it was her or no. The pinch burned so I had to come to the conclusion that with the lack of sleep when I woke up too early I had gone all delirious and started to hallucinate. But still I just kept on going, grabbed my books from my locker and then found the right classroom.

For the rest of the school day wherever I was I was half expecting to see a monkey flying through the classroom or the cafeteria or wherever I was. It would not have surprised me if I saw it because I would be knowing that I had actually gone mad. Oh and it was probably a bigger chance that a monkey would come flying through the room for real than it was for the person I thought I had heard to be here.

It was probably needless to say that no monkey ever came flying through the room, not during the whole day and it still hadn't when I turned my steps towards the choir room at the end of the day and sat down where I used to and watched one of the drama teachers- It seemed to be Mr. Jonas Ashton- we called the other twin- drama- teacher Mr. Cooper since they had two names and that made it easier to tell them apart. Also a girl I had seen around school a few times and I thought was a senior stood chattering and gesturing about something to Mr. Ashton and Mr. Blaine.

"Hello, soldiers." Just as Benjamin came into the room carrying Mady on his hip- she still seemed callous and just gone in her own world, Mr. Blaine started talking to us. "Well, this is Jonas and Kayla Ashton- Cooper. We were supposed to have a Dominic Ashton- Cooper here too, but he's not here and isn't going to be here until after the mid- term holidays. So… you two can just introduce yourself I guess."

"Well…" Kayla and Mr. Ashton looked to each other and Mr. Ashton gestured towards her- ladies first! "My name is as Mr. Blaine just stated, Kayla Ashton- Cooper. I am in my senior year but I and my older twin- brothers will also play each instrument for Finn's army from now on. I play the piano." Someone said something about three things she liked and didn't like and she smiled. "Three things I like and three things I don't? Yeah I know those introduction games…. Hmm… I like chocolate, a bit too much. Shoes and cooking. Three things I don't like… dentists, horror movies and… bullies. So, your turn Jo."

"Ehrm…" Mr. Ashton rubbed his neck. "My name is Jonas Ashton- Cooper, in class as you know I usually go by Mr. Ashton while my brother Dom goes by Mr. Cooper but, this isn't class so I've spoken to Dom as well and we both think that here we should go by Jonas and Dom. Three things I like and don't like? I don't like…. Weird reality shows, olives or this book… fox in socks. I do like… Torey Hayden's books- I could read no other books than hers and Cathy Glass's and I'd never be bored again, reading and… my harmonica." He patted his jeans pocket when talking about his harmonica. "So… is that everything you want to know?"

"Mr. Blaine." I interrupted while the mentioned man took a step forward and gestured to say something. "I've got a song I'd like to preform, if that's okay." I should have guessed someone would be in a rush- or kind of in a rush and would protest against it.

"Seriously? Blaine, I'm late I need to get to the hospital like an hour ago!" Mr. Blaine smiled softly at Christie and patted her knee slightly as he sat down next to her. "Blaine! Seriously"

"I'll drive you to the hospital okay? It will save some time not to have to wait for the bus. I'll get you there in time. Martina you can go. Do you two want to play by?" I gestured to Blaine that I would take it, pulled out some sheet music of my bag and handed each to Jonas and Kayla. They both nodded, they knew the song, and Kayla started playing the piano and so I started singing.

I could see on the others' faces that the song I had chosen made them somewhat confused, and I couldn't blame them. What would be so scary about the daylight? Well… it wasn't exactly that!

I'd have the same dream, over and over and over again. As long as it was dark outside of the car we would both be safe, and I'd know. Then the daylight came, and I wasn't so sure anymore. So we'd crash, and Gro would be there and mum and so I'd wake up screaming and…

It felt like the song did last forever. And when it at last ended I looked down to hide the tears in my eyes. When I threw my hair over my shoulder I could only by the colors tell that Kayla- in blue jeans, brown boots and a brown shirt sat on the piano chair. And Jonas, in dark blue jeans and a grey polo stood behind her, I turned my head back and with all of the people sitting there I couldn't tell them from each other.

I could see someone come closer, but couldn't tell who before I spun around and grabbed my bag, before I ran into the hallway and down towards the stairs that were empty as good as always. Coming down under the bottom of the stairs I sunk down onto the floor and put my head in my hands. But right now it seemed like there were no tears to cry even though the lump in my throat stuck and kept me from breathing for God knows how long.

I heard someone shout for me and crouched even more under the stairs and at last whoever it was disappeared, by then I stood up again, and walked upstairs and into an empty hallway, got my things and went straight home.

Dad was working and then going out with some friends for a late dinner, so I was home alone the whole afternoon and evening. When I could at last see the front garden being lit up by the lights of his car he would probably have expected me to be in bed around two hours ago and I could hear him being as quiet as possible coming in and then stopped when he came into the living room and found me awake.

"Hey." He greeted and threw his jacket over the back of an arm chair. "What are you doing up?" I shrugged, dad patted my shoulder and looked down on me for a second. "Oh, I'm blocking the TV." He took a step to the side. "Give me ten minutes and I'll have showered and gotten in something that I haven't been wearing since this morning so stay up for a minute okay?" I nodded, but still hadn't looked up from the TV screen before dad left unbuttoning his shirt towards his bathroom.

As he had said, at the second ten minutes later dad came out into the living room while I was almost as troll bound by the after texts scrolling. I didn't say anything for several minutes but could feel dad's eyes burning in my neck.

"Dad." When the TV screen switched to show what programs were coming next. "Can I sleep in your room tonight?" Dad nodded slightly, but I could see on the look on his face he wanted to ask why. Which wasn't weird- it was years ago I had asked not to have to sleep on my own last.

"Yes, Marti. Of course you can. I'm going to bed now so…" I nodded and pulled off the blanket I had had around me. I was already wearing a thin pair of sweatpants and dad's ugliest T- shirt. "Okay, come on then." He walked out of the room and didn't wait for me. For a few seconds I stayed on the sofa and whispered the answer to the question dad hadn't asked, making sure it wasn't loud enough for him to hear.

"Because I'm still afraid."

**Seth POV **

"Marti?" Mr. Blaine stepped down onto the floor when it was quite obvious that Martina Kessler was crying. Although the whole glee club, including Mr. Blaine, Jonas and Kayla were quiet as mice when Martina suddenly flinched and jumped around before she grabbed her bag and ran out of the room. Mr. Blaine stopped for a moment, handed some papers and exchanged a few words with Jonas and then left the room.

"Ehrm…" Jonas seemed a bit not- so- sure about what to do. "Mr. Blaine as it seems that you call him asked me to hand these out." He started passing around empty, white papers. "Does everybody have a pencil, otherwise I have… two that someone can borrow. Oh well… Mr. Blaine wants you to write one thing that you're afraid of on the paper. And to stay away from the things that everyone are afraid of like losing someone you love and all that jazz. Then I don't know so we'll just have to wait for him to come back."

I pulled out my pencil case from my pocket and looked around. There'd always be someone that didn't have a pencil, and usually I would be the one that had enough for others to borrow one too. Then I dropped the case back down by the chair's leg again. The only one who seemed to still not have a pencil was Bella and I did not want to talk to her- she'd have to borrow from somebody else!

I didn't really have to wonder about what to write for long, there were loads of things I was afraid of. Bullies, hospitals, needles- blood made me faint! But then there was this one thing that if it just passed my mind it would make my heart beat faster and an invisible hand to take a grip of my windpipe. I quickly scrabbled the word down and put the pencil behind my ear before lying the paper- text down towards my legs so no one would be able to see what I had written.

"Did you find her?" Someone asked when Mr. Blaine came back into the room. "Martina?" Mr. Blaine shook his head and jumped up to sit on the piano, and then told us to let it go ad that he'd care for it himself.

"Have you all written something on that paper?" Mr. Blaine glanced over the group. "Can you give me the papers? Thank you." He jumped down form the piano again and took the papers from all of us and silently riffled through them. "Two people wrote car crashes, so… I think it would be interesting if you who wrote the same things would do a song together. If you two who know would like to… if when we leave this room, you go to the door to classroom B075, and… whoa, five people wrote spiders. That's understandable. Eek I hate spiders too… but… that seems to be the only things that more than one people have writ…. Oh…." Mr. Blaine stood and switched in between two papers and then looked up.

Mr. Blaine looked to someone in the group, before I could have told who it was he had slightly touched his shirt over his heart and then looked to someone else and fully laid his palm towards his shirt. Before I could tell who made him kind of emotional he had looked down from the papers again and started riffling.

"Maybe you who wrote spiders can go to…"

"Well spiders will be easy" Christie interrupted rudely. "Itsy bitsy spider…" She sang the first line of a well- known children's song but didn't continue. "Come on Blaine, right now I'm mostly afraid of what will happen if I'm too late for the hospital. Come on we gotta go." Christie almost jumped on her chair and made it very clear that she was being very serious.

"Yeah, you're right. Sorry Chris. Come on, we'll go. I'll let the others introduce themselves on tomorrow's rehearsal." Mr. Blaine turned to Kayla and Jonas for a moment. "B075 See you tomorrow have a good day." Mr. Blaine laid his hand towards Christie's back but she just shook it off before she left the room and I could see Mr. Blaine's deep sigh on the way his shoulders moved when he left right after.

I hesitated for a moment, this thing with that I was afraid of car crashes- I guess it wasn't an unusual fear, but I would try and keep it as much secret as I could. For as long as I could at least. It wasn't that I was ashamed of it, it was just that if I did I'd have to tell why. Everything about why. And when people know you're an orphan they start giving you that look.

I hated that look!

But maybe, if the other person too was afraid… And if he or she wouldn't want to talk about it… I still didn't really know if I wanted to go there but it seemed like my feet had gotten their own life and were steering me towards and into Mr. Angelo's classroom before I had had anything to say about it. And still I didn't really know what to feel when I found the room empty.

I sat down on one of the benches and hummed on the Swedish version of Itsy Bitsy Spider- Imse vimse spindel, while I riffled through Facebook because, what would my day be without knowing what everyone had for dinner? And by the time the door opened again and I looked up I definitely had that poor Spider that kept on falling down and climbing up on my brain.

"Oh." I couldn't help myself when I saw that the person that had come through the door was the one and only Charlotte Amato, as beautiful as ever in a hoodie with the print of a girl and text "Little miss Sunshine" And jeans. With her usual backpack hanging loosely on one shoulder. "Ehrm…" I hesitated. "Hi"

"Hi." Charlotte took a step over the threshold into the classroom and sat down on the bench by me. She fingered with the shoulder strap on her backpack and didn't seem too sure about what to say. I couldn't say I was too sure about what to say either and it was for certain almost thirty seconds before any of us said anything again.

"So… Car crashes?" I beat myself up silently, couldn't there have been anything that would be a more stupid way to start this. Charlotte hesitated, and then nodded and looked sternly into the floor and for a long while it was all silent again. "Well… I guess at least there should be loads and loads of songs about it. Yeah?" Charlotte nodded slightly. "But I guess the problem would be that it's going to be quite hard choosing just one."

Charlotte bit her bottom lip, shyly she still didn't seem too sure about what to say and I looked to my phone to see the clock. "I… I gotta go home… I'm supposed to help my sister with her homework but… maybe if you find three songs about car crashes and just… just write them up on a paper or anything. And I'll find three songs and then we can meet up in the choir room tomorrow morning before first class and go through them." Charlotte nodded. "Great, sorry I've got to go. See you tomorrow."

I was for sure scared to death of car crashes, and I'm not talking like the usual fear as if I would get afraid if I sat in a car on the road and saw a car getting closer on the wrong side off the road. No- every day I spent a total of three hours walking to and home from school because I couldn't even stand the thought of getting in a car.

Once a month I had to get in the car for a trip for grocery shopping my family did once a month and really get everything we needed, everyone needed to come since even if we would grocery shop otherwise too we usually didn't come home with around twenty bags. So… I'd spend the longest fifteen minutes of my life in the car there and then the longest fifteen minutes home from the story before I- dizzy because the nervousity had gotten me too motion sick would try and help my family to get the groceries inside and where they belonged.

And well, that trip wasn't done today so to help Jess with her homework I had to start walking an hour before she came home and even take a longer way not to have to pass Belle's house and have her coming out and follow me trying to apologize- again!

"What is it with you?" Jess suddenly asked when I showed her how to count the math she had. "You're all… you're here but you're not here."

"Yeah…" I tried to take in what Jess had said, which wasn't an easy thing to do since she was right. "Yeah… Sorry… ehrm so you just add to that and… ehrm." Jess raised an eyebrow at me. "Oh yeah… ehrm." I hesitated again and scratched the back of my head. "Actually, there's something I have to do. Can you do this yourself from now on.?" Jess nodded and turned back towards her books when I left the room and walked up to my room, my laptop and my bed so I could look up some songs about car crashes.

"I wrote a list of three songs." I told Charlotte when I met her in the choir room the next morning and pulled out the paper out of my bag. "Did you… great!" I hadn't finished the question before I saw her holding up a paper. "Here, you look at mine and I'll take a look at yours." I handed her my list and then had to scold myself mentally for more or less for ripping her paper out of her hand to take a look at it.

"I think there's a song that's on both of our lists." Charlotte said quite shyly and pointed to the highest row of my list. "So… if you don't mind, I really like that song." I looked closer so I could read what it said and nodded sitting down by the piano. And placed my hands on the keys with a questioning look at her. "Sure. If it's okay with you." I nodded, and somehow it was decided how we would sing the song and switch in between us.

I started with a solo through the first verse and refrain, then she sang the second verse. And even though she was singing fully out loud and everything I could hear and see that she was really nervous and I could tell by the fact that she was almost shaking. I had never seen anyone shake like that and I had never felt such a strong urge to fix anyone as badly as I did right then.

I wanted to say or ask her something as the song ended, but before I had the chance she had mumbled something about her first lesson started soon and more or less ran out of the choir room while I checked my clock and realized that my first lesson too started soon and grabbed my papers and pushed them down in my bag while I hurried out of the room and… walked into one of the school's worst bullies because I hadn't looked out.

"Oi!" Savannah White stated quickly and pushed me away. "Watch where you're going, lovey boy!" I looked after her. I didn't know where she had heard it from that my middle name and the name that had been the name that I was called by when I was little was spelled as love but… I did not want it to spread out again- it made it very easy for people to make jokes.

"I hate my name." I stated to mum and dad later that day. "I hate my name, I hate my name, I HATE my name!"

"Certain one?"

"Love." I said, in the way that it should be pronounced as that name. "It's so easy for people to make jokes about and I hate all of those stupid jokes so I hate my name!" It wasn't like me to go on like this- I was only so tired about all of this.

"Where are you trying to come?" Dad looked at me over the top- frame of his reading glasses.

"I hate Anderson too! Everyone are saying it wrong since it's Swedish and should be pronounced like that. And so they call me Anderson- Phillips but that is just awfully long and…"

"Where are you trying to come Seth?"

"Maybe if we could fix that so… my middle name is not Love anymore… just completely like scratch it. And then put Anderson- pronounced in the American way would be my middle name and my last name would be Phillips. Please?"

"Seth? Are you sure about this?" Mum asked in her very, very serious tone. "Have you thought about it?" I nodded, for a long, long, long time. "You know that… Love was the name your parents gave you, you know."

I sighed- I had been thinking about this like a million times already. It wasn't that I wanted to do it. It was the freaking fact that if my name was spelled like love and it would spread out at school the exact same thing that happened before we had to move would happen again. And I liked living in Lima!

"Please mum?" Mum sighed and hesitated while she leaned over the table and rubbed over my head. "Look, my memories and my parents aren't in my name. Changing that won't change anything of them that I have in me. I do not want the same thing to happen here that happened when Scott Mason started spreading out all of my secrets- and that is starting to happen and people don't even know I've got a prosthetic leg yet. So I might as well change what I can."

"But why. Honey, you're always talking about how people shouldn't let others bring them down. Especially not about "Haters" and bullies. I'm not blaming you for it but why are you letting yourself do it?"

"Because I…" I didn't finish the sentence, stopped myself before I could. I didn't want to see how mum would react when I shared this with them. I didn't want to see the disappointment and sorrow it would cause her.

"Yes? Seth you know you can tell me anything." I bit my lip and hesitated. "Seth? Seth?" Mum nagged me a bit and I absolutely hated her nagging like that so at last I just came right out and told her. And knowing that she would nag me until I had told her it came almost all at once.

"Because I'm still afraid."

**Christie POV **

I hated cooking, I had always hated it and was for certain always going to hate it. But I hated it even worse because of my renal failure everything took a thousand times longer time since I had to check up how much protein it was in everything I ate and weigh and count so I would know exactly how much protein it was and that it wouldn't be so much it would harm my kidneys and make them work even worse than what they already did.

I tried to supress a side standing next to my aunt, knowing that if I said one thing that I didn't like this she'd either do it for me or start asking questions again. And I didn't want any of it. But I did sigh somehow anyway and could see in the corner of my eye how Carole turned her head to look at me and frowned.

"It's going to be nice isn't it? After the transplant when you'll get to eat how you want without having to weigh and measure everything before you even cook it." I shrugged, the thing was I wasn't so sure if I'd ever get a transplant. I had been wanting and waiting for a kidney for as long as I could remember and the thing was the chance was little since if I'd ever get a kidney from any person at all, with my blood type- I couldn't get a transplant from anyone who didn't have the exact same blood type as myself- and it was one of the most rare ones.

"I guess." I said callously at last and threw the meat into the pot. Not saying anything to Carole about the risk both I and knew was there that I'd never get a new kidney, or about the fact that if I did against all odds what I was looking forward to the most was probably not to have to the hospital four times a time three times a week, and not constantly feeling sick.

I glanced at Carole when I climbed up onto the kitchen bench to reach the higher cupboards with plates and glasses. She seemed to be all gone in her thoughts again and I could tell that she was thinking about Finn again, she always had that special look on her face and in her eyes when she did. And I could almost tell which memory she was thinking about.

Once when I was younger, only maybe four, five years old I, mum, dad and Toby had been spending Christmas here. It was when I and everybody else first had learned what was wrong with me and I couldn't understand what it was because I was so little and couldn't tell why people were treating me differently from what they had before all of a sudden.

The only one who hadn't treated me differently, and never made a fuss or been distressed about how I was feeling or whatever else was Finn. We had been outside in the snow a whole day and build snowmen and rode down a hill in a sled and a thousand other things, no one else than Finn would have even let me stay outside for that long.

I couldn't help the burning feeling in my heart when I looked at Carole thinking about such memories. And I couldn't help that not even I was cruel enough to tell her I didn't want to do this anymore. I could tell she was holding onto hope as if her own life was depending on it and I couldn't be the one to cut that rope off… Carole hadn't let go of hope yet, and was probably the only one since I… I had tried so badly to hold on as well, and still lost my grip of hope a long time ago.

"Can I eat in my room?" I took the plate and my glass, in an attempt to just get away from everyone as fast as possible and just have some time on my own and to myself before this day would be over. Carole nodded and I left the kitchen and headed up the stairs and closed the door behind me as fast as I possibly could.

There was a sofa in my room- some secondhand- bargain that Carole and Kurt had made right before I came here from Massachusetts, that one is where I sat down and put the glass with whatever on the bedside table while I crossed my legs, placed the plate on my legs and started pushing the food back and forth on my plate.

"Hey." I flinched when suddenly there was someone talking to me, I had been so gone in my own thoughts I hadn't noticed Blaine had come into my room before he sat down next to me. "That good?" I shrugged and took the last few bites of my portion. "Here, you must be exhausted. I'll take the dishes downstairs for you."

I didn't move much. But still didn't protest when Blaine too the dishes and backed towards the door. "You didn't have your lesson tomorrow morning right?" I shook my head- one of our teachers would be gone for today so we could sleep in. "Are you coming in with the bus later?" I nodded. "Well, then I guess I'll see you in glee club. What are you singing?"

"Who said I was going to sing?" I answered, when Blaine asked the same question again in the beginning of the glee club rehearsal on the Thursday the next day. "Look! I'm not afraid of anything that will be worth sharing, that I want to share with you or that you will be interested in me sharing with you so just let it go already!" Blaine sighed, but didn't nag anything more. And I could see him hanging is head when he turned away from me and walked so he was standing in front of the whole glee club.

"Do the two people who wrote 'car crashes' on their papers earlier this week want to share the song they have done?" Blaine had barely asked the song before Seth had been standing up. "Seth? And… do you have the second one with you? Charlotte? Great. Have you got a song? Great. The floor is yours."

Seth handed some papers to Kayla, who sat down by the piano and put the papers on the stand in front of her and started playing. Seth and Charlotte stood out on the open floor, turned to each other with each side towards us others. And when Seth's voice started sounding through the room, his voice was kind of low, and emotional. And I couldn't help but wonder.

Charlotte had a beautiful voice, but by the beginning of the second verse and also the second and third refrain when they sang together I could almost hear the way she had to fight for her voice not to break and to go on with the song. I could see tears that she was fighting to hold back glimmering in her eyes and I couldn't help but wonder.

We already knew all of us- that Seth Anderson- Phillips and Charlotte Amato were doing this song together because they were both afraid of car crashes. And I couldn't help but wonder why singing about this obviously made them both emotional. Was it possible that they both feared car crashes because they had both been in something like what the song was about- maybe even lost someone important in it?

I shook my head, I had enough to deal with with my own problems for the moment, I did not need theirs too. So for the rest of the song I sat and tried to think about as little as possible, and hoped that the rest of the songs wouldn't be as serious and as emotional as this one, or rather than no one else thought they would have to do a song so I could just go to the hospital right after this.

"That was beautiful guys." As soon as I realized the song was over Blaine stood up and clapped a bit. Walking in between the two that had just finished their song he lifted both hands and patted each of their shoulders' slightly on each side. "Okay.. Yes, I cannot blame you, car crashes are some scary stuff." Blaine shivered. "But… we have more songs to perform. Keagan? You had one right?"

"Yes. And Bradon and Jonas are helping me with playing the guitar and the harmonica… ehrm… I'm scared of snakes." Keagan shivered. "And I've always been and something last summer made it even worse so now I can barely see a snake on a photo without freaking out… but you don't want to… Oh you do! Well… I was out walking and walked by a snake that laid sun bathing on the road. And I stopped to take a photo and in the same moment as I turn around to keep on walking there is a car, and I turned to the snake and then I… I had headphones in my ears, music on playing loud. And I heard it as it got run over, and then I saw it again and I just can't forget about that sound and about that sight and… it still makes me want to feel sick." Keagan shivered again, and I couldn't blame him for it. I could only imagine what it would sound like when a snake got mashed by a car tire.

The song started, Kegan sang and snapped his fingers with the rhythm, Bradon played the guitar and Jonas played the harmonica. And even I would have to admit that the harmonica gave the song a special and interesting sound along with the lyrics and the melody. Even though even I would also have to admit the lyrics were kind of weird and I didn't understand how anyone would be able to sing them and not feel ashamed about singing a silly song.

"Well…" Blaine hesitated when the song was over. "Those are some very… special lyrics… but… I'm going to take a guess and say that it's got some hidden message. Well, anyway. Great job to you all. And… the next are… Daniel, Jasper and Dakota." The three mentioned boys all stood up, Daniel had his own guitar with him. Jasper exchanged a few words with Bradon and got to borrow his. Jasper was left handed so with Daniel standing on the left side, and Jasper on the right, Dakota in the middle was standing by both of the guitars' heads- or whatever that part of the guitar was called. And it looked kind of cool

"I'm not so sure exactly how it hap… pened." Daniel stated and made a break when suddenly Evie Birch came into the room. "Oh hi Eve… Evie sorry. Have a seat well as I said I'm not exactly sure how it happened but somehow we found out that we have all got each person or more than one person we kind of feel like we want to… protect. And that is or is not willing to actually let us do that… But that's kind of what's the song's about so." Daniel gestured to Jasper and they both started playing.

And looking cool, of course they would start playing the world's sweetest song. It was a good song but… just not my style! And I really tried not to listen and kept on checking my phone to see the clock and still had to leave in a rush when they had played through all the time and run to the bus stop to be sure that I'd catch it- and still arrived just as the bus pulled up.

Sitting on the bus after running with all that I had my legs were shaking like crazy, I couldn't catch my breath and I mostly just wanted to curl up into a ball over two seats and lay there until the nausea was gone. But I stayed sitting up and at last, when the bus started moving through the street towards the hospital I could finally breathe again.

"Hey Carole, hey Alexey." My aunt and the receptionist- a guy perhaps in his late twenties were standing by the desk inside the emergency room where Carole worked when I came in. "No Lex, I don't have dialysis on Thursday. But they need to run some whatever blood tests." I rolled my eyes to show what I thought about it all.

"You're a bit early aren't you?" I sighed at Carole and slumped down in the desk chair. "Don't Chris… Now…" She leaned closer. "I'm actually not allowed to do this. But June is here, and she's kind of lonely, so she asked me that if you came here maybe you could keep her company?" Carole raised an eyebrow at me.

I and June had started talking that day when I was actually mostly annoyed by her from the beginning. June was as she had said right then seventy years older than me and from the beginning quite annoying- but I had noticed she was kind of easy to talk to. Even for me- and I never talked to people about any of my problems.

Carole must have been thinking I wouldn't do it. But still pointed to which room June was in and as soon as Carole had turned her back I jumped out of the chair and walked fast to room number two and walked in to find June half lay down on a bunk staring kind of emptily in front of her as if she was really bored.

"Hey." She didn't seem to notice me at first, but flinched and turned her head when I started talking to her. "How you're doing?" I unlocked the wheels on the bed in the other side of the room from June and pushed it a bit closer so I could crawl up on it, sit down Indian style and talk to her. "Why are you here? Did something happen?"

"Now if you'll just be quiet so I can answer your questions Chris." I quickly closed my mouth and silent. "I fell down some stairs, my neighbor heard and came over, and before I had the chance to say I was fine he had called for an ambulance. Now I'm waiting for some x-rays that probably aren't going to show anything wrong anyway and then I can go home. But hey, I shouldn't complain. I had a very nice dinner." I smiled slightly and played with the fabric in the mattress I sat on "You know that now when you've been sitting on it they're going to have to wash that mattress again right?"

"I know and I don't care. I hate them all anyway."

"You don't mean that Chris. I know you don't." I sighed and shook my head. Well…. June was right. I didn't. I knew I didn't. Only I didn't really want to know that I didn't because I was trying to think that I hate it just as I was trying to hate every other freaking think in my whole freaking life- some things were harder than others to hate. And those things just made me even more afraid.

"How is it going with that glee club? What is the theme this week?"

"Fear… and Blaine thought I would sing a song so I sang one line from Itsy Bitsy Spider." I sighed and turned and slumped back towards the bed. "I had another song I… no, never mind. They've got nothing to do with what I'm afraid of and if I'd sing this song everyone would start asking and sorry I'm just babbling."

"What song?" I shrugged. "Can you sing it for me?"

My first intention was to answer no. Then I leaned my head to the side and looked at June. I knew she didn't want to nag me or anything but the hopeful look in her eyes not even I was cruel enough to say no to.

I knew that June didn't have any children of her own. The guy she had married once- Harold, had died young and before they had children. She had never found someone else to love, her parents had died a long time ago, so had her older brothers and most of her friends. She lived alone and barely knew the neighbors- to suddenly get to know me had been like, like she said it. Ray of sunshine in a dark night.

"Help!" I started singing. Already on the first line I could see on the look on June's face that she recognized the song- I couldn't blame her for that though. Everyone had probably heard this song, and then when I had started singing it was hard to stop

I kept on glancing to the door to make sure no one was coming in. If anyone would have come in I would have stopped singing and probably said something rude to act like nothing was going on right away, but no one came. And at last I could let the last tone run out and finished the song.

"That was really good Christie." I shrugged. "You're a very talented singer." I didn't answer. "I can get what you're afraid of…" I raised an eyebrow at her. For real? "You're afraid of having to ask for help, for asking for help, you're afraid of asking for help but not getting it. And afraid of not getting help at all." I shrugged. "You don't need to be afraid Chris. The people that are there, are going to be there, and the ones who aren't, they aren't worth your feelings."

"I know."

"So that would mean that you could ask for help wouldn't it?" I shrugged. "Why wouldn't it."

"Because I'm still afraid."

**Daniel POV **

Early on Friday afternoon I stood on the local bus station just outside the main street in Lima waiting for the bus that would arrive from Toledo. Like this during the last days in October, and what would be the first day of our mid- term slash Halloween- holidays it was getting colder and I, like so many others wanted mostly to go home. Wrap myself in a blanket- have a hot chocolate, rather with marshmallows and way too much cream and my favorite guilty- pleasure movies.

But here I stood, I had left the last lesson early- even though I kind of hated leaving lessons early since I couldn't help to think about everything I would have missed in that half hour that I had to go early to make sure I would be at the bus station waiting for my friend Ashleigh from Toledo to arrive. And of course the damn bus was late as usual.

I jumped where I stood, up and down, up and down, up and down and shoved my hands as deep as I could into my pockets. I wanted to go inside but I couldn't. If I was inside Ash wouldn't see me when she came and that girl had the worse local sense that I had ever met so she would probably would have gotten lost before I had reached her and then I'd miss glee club too because I ran around the whole town looking for Ashleigh.

I sighed, everything had gone by Murphy's Law today- everything that could have gone wrong would go wrong in the worst possible way. And now I was standing here waiting for a bus that was late and the clock was just ticking closer and closer to the moment that Mr. Blaine would walk through the doors to the choir room and greet "Hello soldiers."

I started jumping again to try and get some heat in my body and breathed out when I finally could see another bus come up the road. And breathed out fully when I could see the numbers on the front and knew that it was the bus that Ashleigh was coming with- thank God.

"DJ!" Ashleigh was, as I had expected the first one to come half running half jumping down the stairs by the driver's seat and jumped out of the bus and into my arms. "D… How great is it to see you again!" I had been spinning around for God knows how many laps with her and now moved so she could step down onto her own two feet again.

"Nice to see you to Ash. Hey, look. I don't want to stress you but the first thing we have to do is to go back to my school and take a part of the glee club and it's about fifteen minutes until it starts and to get there we have to go through the whole main street and then two blocks more, so we have to hurry for a bit."

"Okay. Then what are you waiting for DJ." She took her backpack and threw it towards me. I caught it and pulled it over my shoulders while she took her other bag and we both ran through the few blocks between the bus station and the school.

It was a good thing I and Ashleigh were both sporty and could run fast for long without getting too tired to run, and a good thing that Mr. Blaine must have been late, because when I and Ashleigh ran into the choir room, sweaty- smelling like two monkeys and out of breath. But it was clear that they had barely started the rehearsal.

"So…" I stopped and slumped down on a chair placing the bag on the floor. "I'm sorry we're late. Bus was late." I leaned forward and put my forehead- with my fringe dripping of sweat in my hands. Ashleigh too was all out of breath and leaned against me. "We ran from the station." Suddenly there was someone waving with some papers to have cold air blowing on me and Ash. "Oh thank you. God that's nice… Oh, hi Mr. Cooper."

Today, even though earlier this week Jonas and Kayla had told us Dominic wouldn't be here anything this week right now, all three of the Ashton- Cooper- siblings sat a chair to three from me and Ash and looked well… somewhat healthy. Except for Dominic who seemed kind of pale and also kind of frozen, but still had his usual smile on his lips and continued waving with his sheet music.

"You're welcome Dan. But please, when we're not in class. Just call me Dom okay?" I nodded, but should have remembered what Keagan had done when Mr. Blaine wanted us to call him by first name. Keagan did, and started it again.

"Isn't it a bit weird to call you just Jonas and Dom?..." He questioned and I suddenly remembered and could almost sense what was coming. "Mr. Dom and Mr. Jonas, Mr. Dom and Mr. Jonas, Mr. Dom and Mr. Jonas." Keagan hit his knees and stomped in the rhythm with the words. I was saying the words with him but could barely move my arms and legs much enough to do that move so decided on not to at all. And so one after one started joining while Ashleigh and the Ashton- Cooper's didn't seem to know what was going on.

"OKAY, Okay, okay, okay. Settle down, settle down." At last Mr. Blaine had to shout to make everyone calm down. "Ehrm, Dom, Jonas. The teenagers have this habit with calling me Mr. Blaine since I don't want to be called by last name but they wanted to call me Mr. So I think that's what Keagan and the others are trying to say is that to them to call you Mr. Dom and Mr. Jonas would feel the best for them."

"Sure, that's fine." Mr. Dom stated. "But it's up to you whether you do want to say Mr. or not. Just first name is fine. Oh, Kay and Jo told me that they got to do something where they said three things they liked and three things they didn't like. Should I maybe do that too? To introduce myself also to the ones that I don't know here." Mr. Blaine gestured towards the open floor and Mr. Dom, along with his siblings stood up and walked down, where Mr. Dom wrapped his arms around himself seeming to want to be frozen and wondered.

"I like… I like my siblings, they're the best. And I like snowboarding. And I like noodles. However I don't like this bug." As on a given signal Mr. Dom was cut off by a coughing fit. "I don't like being ill at all, and I don't like being cold." He wrapped his hoodie even tighter around him. "Joey can't I borrow your jacket it's so warm?"

"Fine." Mr. Jonas sighed slightly, and sat down on the edge of the piano chair while Mr. Dom wrapped Mr. Jonas's peacoat around himself, Kayla sat down by the piano and then Mr. Dom sat down with one guitar so they'd all be ready when Mr. Blaine gestured to them that someone to do so. And for a moment I thought that it was him who was doing a song before he started song.

"When you wrote on your papers what you're afraid of, there were two people who wrote things on the papers that especially touched me and… I have talked to them. And they have both agreed to be doing each song. It's up to them whether they want to tell you or not what they wrote on the papers and if they choose not to I don't want anyone pressuring them to do it am I clear?" Mr. Blaine silent for a second. "So, Belle? Benjamin? Who'd like to go fi… Oh… Sorry just a moment. I don't think we have met before, I am Blaine or Mr. Blaine as most of the people in here usually call me. And this is my glee club. And you must be Daniel's friend?"

"Yes." Ashleigh was fingering with her hair while she spoke. "My name is Ashleigh Michaels and yes, I am DJ's friend."

"DJ?"

"Daniel- my middle name is Jeremiah- DJ." I explained. It was a nickname that had been used a lot when I was younger. But had faded more and more especially since one of the people who used to call me that the most wasn't with us anymore.

"Well…" Mr. Blaine started again. "Maybe you too would like to say three things you like and don't like so people would get to know you a little bit?" Ashleigh hesitated, then nodded and stopped playing with her hair while she thought about what to say.

"My name is Ashleigh Michaels. I don't like homophobia, broccoli or makeup. I do like basketball, hoodies and Daniel." She smiled slightly at me. "So… that's about it. Any questions?"

"And you chose homophobia because…" Mr. Blaine seemed sneaky.

"Because I am gay? Oh yes. What about you?"

"I've got a perfectly wonderful husband." Mr. Blaine held up his hand with the wedding room. "Nice to meet you Ashleigh. I'd love to just chat but we need to get on because I think everyone wants to go on Holiday. So, Benjamin? Belle? Who wants to go first?"

"Ladies first." Benjamin gestured towards the open floor. But I couldn't help to notice how given up and down he seemed. And not until now I also noticed that for once Mady wasn't put in the chair next to him- in fact she wasn't in the room at all. And probably not in this building either. And even though Mady had really changed since she learnt what happened to her father, without our little mascot the group just wasn't full.

Belle walked down onto the open floor and handed the Ashton- Cooper's some sheet music. When she turned to the audience again she was gesturing to them to be quiet for a bit so she could talk at first and as I was more sneaky then I'd probably like to think that I was I hoped to get to know what she had written on that paper that had touched Mr. Blaine so deeply.

"Well…" Belle started kind of callously. "I wrote on the paper that that I'm afraid that Lenny won't come home. And that is because Lenny's my brother, he's in the army and currently in Afghanistan, and I'm afraid that he won't come back. And… Lenny and this… Jimmy haven't got too much in common but… it's a great song and I really like it."

The Ashton- Cooper's started playing the intro, and Belle started singing. And she had been right when she stated that it was a great song. It had a great meaning, by the refrain I always had a lump in my throat at the same time as I couldn't help but smiling. And by the last verse, that didn't have a refrain after it- well she sang it in such an emotional way I didn't think there was one dry eye in the whole room after she had finished.

"Have a nice holiday." Belle turned around so her black hair flew around her and walked fast out of the room. No one said a word until Mr. Blaine stood up and picked up her bag from the floor and weighed it slightly in his hands.

"I'll take it to her later. Benjamin. Your turn." Benjamin had already stood up and now stepped down onto the floor and turned to the audience. He too seemed weirdly emotional and was over and over again pulling his fingers through his short, blonde hair as if he was too nervous to keep still.

"My biggest fear right now is that my sister will never be happy again." He said right out. "I chose this song because of that, and I'm going to try and do all of this short since I know all of you want to go home and enjoy your holidays. So… here we go. Oh and I'll do an acoustic version of the song." He took a guitar he had brought with him and took a few tabs as an intro before the lyrics started.

When Belle sang it had been hard to keep the tears away, when Benjamin sang it was fully impossible. Not so much because of just the lyrics and the melody. But maybe because we all knew Mady and all knew what had happened to her and Benjamin. And maybe because it wasn't just Benjamin, but all of us who wanted to make sure Mady would show her beautiful smile again.

"Thank you." Benjamin almost whispered when he finished the song and walked back to his chair and sat down. "God. I've just got to say it- I hate that Lea- Marie Hale. It's not a nice thing to say but… I guess we all do right now don't we?"

"Oh yes we do." Mr. Blaine agreed with Benjamin and pulled up his phone. "And speaking about Lea- Marie I asked her to be here today to at least try and say she was sorry to you Benji. But…" Mr. Blaine dialed what I guessed was Lea- Marie's number and put the phone to his ear. "Oh hey… Lea, I…" Suddenly Mr. Blaine frowned and silent for a moment. "Oh Mr. Hale hi. Yeah, I'm Lea- Marie's… glee club coach… yes. No I haven't seen her why? Okay… Anyone else? Like her mum?"

Suddenly all color drained from Mr. Blaine's face and he went completely white as a sheet. "No… there's been some fights in between her and… I understand… No, I'm sorry but I haven't heard anything from her. Uh- huh. Yeah. I'll call this number if I hear anything at all… I hope you find her." Still looking white as a sheet Mr. Blaine hung up and pushed the phone back in his pocket while he had a look on his face as if he was one-very chocked and two- wondering how to explain this to us others.

"Mr. Blaine?" Bradon asked kind of distressed. "Is everything alright?"

"It might be…" Mr. Blaine made a pause and scratched his neck. "It might be that I shouldn't tell you this because of confidentiality but… I'm going to tell you what is most important and I want you all to keep quiet about it okay. But it seems that no one has seen Lea- Marie since last night and it seems that she's been running away. No one knows anything about to where or how we're going to find her. Is there any of you who know Lea- Marie or are good friends with her? Not that?"

"She's kind of hard to talk to!" Christie stated after several seconds of silence. "She's so very rude all the time." Mr. Blaine nodded- he knew, we all knew. But just because of that it wouldn't mean that we would have had to do like this and never even trying to get to know her at all.

"Well…" Mr. Blaine hesitated. "I'll go over to the Hales' and see what I can find out. I'll ask Mr. Hale to keep me updated and then I'll keep all of you updated. Can someone invite Dom, Jonas and Kayla to our group? You've all got Facebook right? Yes, yes, yes of course. Have a nice time off school everyone and I'll see you next Monday."

When everyone were standing up it wasn't all in that happy manner it used to be right before a while off school. Everyone seemed kind of silent and depressed and well… that was everyone except for Keagan who seemed to have planned a joke because he was trying his very hardest no stop to make her laugh.

"Christie. Christie. Christie. " He ran up to her with a rabbit- face- mask and held his hands in front of his chest and took a few jumps. "I h-h-hop that the next time I'll see you, you'll have gotten a kidney transplant." Keagan jumped away, Christie was just glaring at him, but I barely saw it. Mostly I saw that Ashleigh had heard what Keagan said about that transplant. And she was looking very, very strictly at me.

"Kidney transplant?" She whispered, and to save some time I told her I'd tell her when we came back home. So the whole time waiting for the bus and the time we spent at the bus, the bus that was going all the way to the hospital, so like the place that we had once met at the hospital in Toledo. And I knew when I stepped out onto the rain-wet street outside I knew clearer than ever that I had some real explaining to do.

"So that Christie- girl have got long gone renal failure?" Ashleigh asked when I had explained everything I could to her. "And has to go to dialysis three times a week, still feels ill all the time and needs a new kidney?" I nodded again. "Do you know anything else like… do you know how big chance there are with her blood type?"

"Yes. She mentioned it just passing by in anger a while ago. She's got the blood type that needs to be exactly right for a transplant. Same as me. And almost the same as… she had but… even worse and it needs to be even more exact."

"Wait… same as you?"

"They did tests on me when Angelica was ill. Those things are hard to forget."

"So… it's possible that you could give her your kidney and she could have a normal and healthy life?" I nodded- these thoughts had passed through my head my mind so many times by now. "How well do you know her?"

"Not well, I tried to get to know her better first when I found out about everything I didn't really know why and then because I thought that maybe… maybe if I got to know her well then… I could ask about doing some tests and I would know and then if everything fit I'd donate one of my kidneys like… like I couldn't for Angelica but… Christie isn't too easy to get to know and she just keeps on pushing me away." I leaned forward and put my head into my hands. "And I mean I can't just step over to her and say 'oh hi, we've got the same blood type. I will give you one of my kidneys so you will live. Okay? Okay! Bye' could I?"

"No…" Ashleigh hesitated. "No you couldn't, that would be creepy. Have you been continuing to try and get to know her then?"

"No…. I kind of gave up on that."

"DJ…." I could hear the disappointment in Ashleigh's voice. "You're not a quitter. I know you and I've known you since you were at the hospital with Angelica. What is it that you're afraid of?"

"I don't know…" I mumbled. "That she'll say no I guess."

"And…"

"That I have to go through it all again I guess… Go through it everything until I lose yet another person to renal failure. And just about the same age which is way too young as well." Ashleigh nodded. She had known me forever, she knew all of my fears, all of my habits, my whole personality and looks- including a big birth mark I had on my butt- that's how much she knew about me.

But there just were some things I couldn't even share with her.

"DJ…"

"Do you know that…" I started without thinking- it felt better that way. "That if I as much get an ache in my back around the kidneys I completely freak out. If I ever go to the hospital I can still see everything and point out which room she died in. And such things that… that if I hear a person state that she or he feels sick I might wonder if it's just a flu or eating too much or actually something worse… And so… suddenly I stumble across it all again… and I don't know if I can do it after all of these years."

"Why not?"

"Because it doesn't matter how long it has been."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm still afraid."

**So… Martina's having nightmares and feeling really bad about what happened to her mum. And she also thinks she heard someone from her past at school… is it the person she thinks and fears that it is? Seth is so afraid of car crashes he walks for three hours a day not to have to ride with car to school and also hates his name, and it seems like there are some bullies on him again. Christie's getting more and more ill and so is her friend June. She's also trying to keep people away. Among them Daniel, who isn't sure about anything it seems and who is this Angelica? And what does Daniel mean with things happening again? And at the same time Lea- Marie is nowhere to eb found. Oh the drama **

**Random fact**** (I will try and put these in the end of every chapter I put up for a while to see how it works) **

**The name of the cat Martina used to have- Gro, is here pronounced like Grow. But is in fact supposed to be pronounced Gg- r- oo. And is a Norwegian women's name. **

**Playlist **

**Martina- Daylight- Maroon 5  
Christie- Itsy Bitsy spider  
Charlotte/ Seth- Untitled (How could this happen to me?)- Simple Plan  
Keagan- The snake song- Billy Gilman  
Daniel/ Jasper/ Dakota- Superhero- Ross Lynch  
Christie- Help- the Beatles  
Belle- If I don't make it back- Tracy Lawrence  
Benjamin- When will I see you smile again?- Bell Biv Devoe**

**Martina's dad is portrayed by Rob Thomas. Kayla is sent in by GleeJunkie007 and is portrayed by Phoebe Tonkin, Dom is sent in by LocalXmusicXjellybeanX and portrayed by Shawn Ashmore. Jonas is made by me and portrayed by Aaron Ashmore. Jess is portrayed by Ciara Bravo, Savannah is sent in by GleeJunkie007 and is portrayed by Samantha Logan and Seth's parents by Ellen Pompeo and Liam Neeson. Alexey is portrayed by Eddie Redmayne and June- who earlier was portrayed by June Squibb- well her looks changed when I figured out June Squibb had already been on glee. So she's now portrayed by Maggie Smith. Ashleigh is sent in by x snow- pony x and is portrayed by Shannon Flynn. **


	21. I love you too dad

**New polyvores**

**I made a new collection called 'more dancing in the rain' as there were so many edits in the old one. **

**-Added to the collection, random for James Angelo, character and polyvore made by GleeJunkie007  
-Added to the collection, random for Jake Barns, character and polyvore made by x snow- pony x  
-Randoms' edit for Lawrence "Larry" Collins  
-Random edit for Marianne "Mary" Collins Character and polyvore made by GleeJunkie007  
-Room edit for the room for Larry, Marry and also their brother Harry. **

**Jasper POV **

The mid- term holidays started on Friday afternoon, at Sunday night I went to bed early because I had a headache. Mum and Evie were going some wherever to visit some whoever during a few days, and I had barely woken up hearing them leaving late at night. Then straight away fallen asleep again and woke up by my own coughing around three in the morning.

Bertie had woken up by it too, which I guessed wasn't too weird because he usually slept in a big basket right by my bed. Now he stood up and was sniffing and licking in my face and I rudely pushed him away. If there was anything I didn't need right now it was for him to do just that.

"Bertie stop that!" I sat up, my whole body was trembling with the powerful coughing and I almost lost my balance right away when I stood up stumbling down the stairs for the kitchen and a glass of water.

I tried to push my German shepherd away, but still Bertie followed each and every step I took, through the kitchen and to the crane and the cupboards so I could get that water. And then back through the kitchen again, before I realized I wouldn't be able to make it up the stairs again and collapsed in the living room sofa while Bertie climbed up to lie down over my legs and giving me all of the warmth he possibly could.

"Jasper? Jasper? Jazz?" What felt like only a split second later somebody was shaking my shoulder and calling out for me. "Come on, son. Wake up." I slowly opened my eyes, but with the light that hit me it felt like my head would explode again with everything so bright I quickly closed them again. "Are you alright?" I felt the fabric of our sofa move when dad sat down and felt his hand towards my cheek. "Oh dear, you're burning up… You've got a temperature. Jazz are you alright?"

"Mhm." I mumbled and turned. "What time is it?"

"Just after eight." Only the sound of my dad's voice made my head throb. "I have to go do some things at work but first I think I've got to help you and get you back to bed. And I just need to go away on one single very fast meeting and then I'll be back home." Dad leaned down and carefully placed his palms against my back. "Come on now, The faster we do this the faster it'll be over"

"Ugh"

"Come on Perry!" Dad more or less pressed me up when I was on my way to fall back towards the cushions again. I hated that nickname! "Come on. Dad had half pushed, half pulled me up before I had the chance to protest anything else and was pulling me with him up the stairs and pushed me to sit down on my bed.

"Don't lie down yet." He opened my wardrobe and pulled out a pair of pyjama pants and a T shirt out and threw it on me so hard I quickly grabbed onto the wall not to fall. "Change into that, it'll be more comfortable for you. I'll be back in just a few hours at the most. Something you want me tor bring from the store for you?" When I tried to speak I was right away cut of by a coughing fit- just like Mr. Dom had been….

Mr. Dom…. Oh I must have caught whatever he had had and then still came to McKinley on Friday. And he had it for… I tried to count for how long he must have had it for as long as he was gone for but during coughing and everything I couldn't count more than it must have been really long, and I moaned and fell back towards my pillows.

"Ice cream for your throat?" Dad asked from the door. I nodded as I heard him come over and for the first time in God knows how many years dad had to help me change my clothes. "And… nasal spray?" I just glared at him- wasn't it obvious? "I know, I know. I won't be long. Bye Perry."

It was mostly a relief when dad closed my bedroom door behind him and I could finally just slump back into my pillow and pull the covers over me again. To just lay here until I somehow died on my own seemed like a very tempting plan right now but since everyone probably needed me for school and for friend and for sectionals and for everything I guessed that sleeping for about a week would just have to do it, and so I could finally drift off again.

I didn't know how much time had really passed, but it felt like it was only a split second later when I was roughly woken up by something wet and cold stroking my face, and I had pushed it away about eight hundred times and it kept coming back until I realized it was Bertie who was licking my face to have me wake up.

"What is it Bertie?" I sighed and looked to my clock- it had been almost five hours since dad left, he should be back by now. "DAD" When I tried shouting I was cut off again. "Oh he's not back yet? Well I guess he just got caught back at work. Don't worry Bert, it happens all the time… What do you want Bertie?" Bertie was glancing towards the door and then grabbed his leash between his teeth. "Oh you want to go for a walk. Well come on then."

I grabbed Bertie's leash and with a weak grip I attached it to his collar. Then- on kind of weak legs I walked downstairs and through the living room, into the hallway where I pulled on my sneakers and a fleece coat before I walked out and almost right as I left our driveway and walked down the road I started shivering.

It turned out this must be one of the first really cold days of the fall, and there was a light but freezing cold breeze blowing through the blocks, blowing right through the fleece fabric of my shirt and making me shiver more and more. I decided to walk an a lot shorter way than I usually did but Bertie was running around as usual, sniffing at yet one place yet the other to decide where to do his needs.

"Please Bertie." I begged. "Just this once can't you decide fast? I want to go home." I tried to jump to keep warm but my knees almost buckled under me so I stumbled towards our mailbox and had to stand and hold on to it for a good while before I could carry on walking again.

Just as I could turn around and just pull Bertie with me to go home I had to sit down on the pavement. I was so dizzy I was rocking where I sat and once again I couldn't even catch my breath before I was cut off by another coughing fit.

Bertie sat down by me and worriedly put his paw on my knee. I scratched him on the neck to try and calm him down when he started whimpering but like dogs did he must have just felt that something wasn't right and I slowly leaned closer and closer to him until I was leaning heavily against him and could heavily catch my breath again and closed my eyes just to make everything stop spinning.

"Jasper?" I wasn't so sure how much time had passed but I flinched and woke up when I heard a car break hard in front of me and then someone calling out for me. When I slowly opened my eyes and was hit right by the sunlight in my eyes dad came running over to me. "Come on son. Get up. God, what are you doing here? You should be in bed!"

"Bertie needed a walk and you weren't home." Dad sighed.

"I'm sorry it took me so long. Your mum called, Evie had a bit of a meltdown and they needed me. She's fine, she's fine. Evie was sleeping when I left but before that she seemed all fine again. And don't worry about it. Now is time for you to take care of you."

"But Evie…" I tried, but was cut off coughing again and dad patted my hand and didn't say anything else until he pulled over in the parking lot in our driveway. I was sitting with my fever- warm forehead against the cool car- window and would rather had stayed there until this bug was over, and dad must have sensed I wasn't too eager to leave because he sat quiet for a while until he spoke up again.

"Jasper. There's something that I want to say to you and I want you to listen very closely. I know that Evie usually needs more care than you do. And that you've had to grow up very fast and very early because of what happened to her. I know that mine and mum's attention usually seem to be more for Evie than for you but… I want you to know that we both love you very much. I love you son. More than you could ever imagine." I was half asleep but still managed to take his words in and understand what he was saying, and so slowly lifted my head just a little and with a hoarse, low voice I could answer him.

"I love you too dad"

**Lea- Marie POV **

It had been a long time, a very long time since I put a foot at European, more closely. Italian grounds the last time. Since dad had met that b*tch Marion he hadn't even cared to waste me a single thought. Italy even less.

Dad didn't care about me! Neither did Marion, Mr. Blaine, Daniel Vincent or anyone else in the freaking school or the freaking town. Or the whole freaking continent of whatever America. The only one I could remember had ever really cared about me was my mum- and she was dead. Would never ever come again and had left me alone.

Now at least I was back in Italy, In Florence. The place where I spent the first twelve years of my life and that for me would always be home to me.

Most of my childhood had been spent down at the beach in the Area we lived, dad and mum and I. I hadn't gotten myself over there yet. But I was for sure going to get myself there soon. But then I had arrived here what would be Friday afternoon in America. And Friday night here in Italy. Today was Tuesday and it was noon here in Italy and for the first time since I came here I wasn't jet lagged by the major time difference from America and here.

Going here I had made sure that I had gotten enough money from my dad before so I wouldn't have to worry about what I spent it on. I spent quite a bit on a hotel but still had enough left to without a care buy a big box of olives that I ate one after one walking through the streets that I knew so well and finally making it down to the beach.

It wasn't warm. But even if it was warm to be the last day of October there was a freezing cold breeze blowing through the blocks. And of course I was way too lazy to pack up the warmer coat I had put in the bottom of my backpack not to get cold and only pulled my thin hoodie tighter around me and walked into a restaurant to at least get some lunch.

For years now the only one I would have ever been speaking Italian with was my dad. Well- except for when I was angry with someone and just shouted out what I thought about them in my first language then. So I would have imagined speaking Italian with someone else than my dad and actually being answered in Italian as well would feel great.

And it did feel great, for like one hour after I had come here and walked through the airport and out on the street and everywhere around me people were speaking Italian and if I spoke to someone in Italian they actually understood and answered me in Italian as well.

Although as time went by- even though I would probably never have admitted it and not even for myself. I just got homesick and then I don't mean homesick for the house that I had used to live in here in Florence. Or even the house I lived in with dad and Marion. I just wanted my dad, and to never have come back here in the first place.

I had brought my phone but kept it off as otherwise I had a feeling it would be very easy for them to track me down through that. Or if I did I wouldn't be able to resist the urge to go on Facebook or call someone just to… talk to someone that knew me. Or that I knew or… that I had been talking to any time.

After eating I just took a walk along the beach. I had finally gotten my coat out of my bag and at least it wasn't cold. I just walked and walked, I must have been walking for hours back and forth among that very, very long beach. But so when I walked by some people around my age playing volleyball, I couldn't help but recognize one of them.

"Andrea?" Andrea turned around and saw me. At first it didn't seem like she even recognized me. But so it seemed to click and she took a break from the game and came over to me.

Andrea and I had been neighbors since we were little. Always best friends and hanging out at breaks at school and everything. It had been Lea- Marie and Andrea, Andrea and Lea- Marie and no one and I mean no one would step on us. Or even tried to come in between us. When I left we had promised each other to keep in contact- but it took about two weeks for us to lose it and we hadn't spoken for years.

"So… how's it going in the great country in the west?" She asked with a very thick Italian accent. "Oh… I guess not very good since you're back here." I glared at her. "So how's it really going?" I started to say something when someone shouted for her. "I'm sorry I've got to go back to my friends. We'll have to talk someday okay?" She ran back to the game and started playing again. And I was left to alone carry on walking along the beach.

I didn't stop walking along the beach until it was so late in the night the skies had turned red. Then I finally turned to the roads again to find something to eat once again. But I wasn't thinking about where I was going. And suddenly I looked up and realized I was in the driveway to the house where I had used to live with my parents.

Just by the driveway there was a big stone. And I sat down on it like I had used to so many times before. And not until then I let myself let the feelings out and not until then I pulled my knees up and buried my face behind my arms to hide the tears that were running down my cheeks and just wouldn't stop coming for a long while.

I just wanted everything to be like it had been before

"Lea- Marie?" When I had finally stopped crying since a while I flinched and turned my head when I heard someone call out for me with a voice I knew very well. And there he stood, he looked a bit… tense. Almost like if he was deciding if he should be angry or not. But I couldn't have been happier to see him and I flew up onto my feet and ran straight into his arms.

"Dad."

"Lea." He stepped away, took my arms in his hands and pushed me away from him. "What were you thinking? Running away like that? I've been worried sick." Dad seemed angry and hurt. I didn't want to admit it, not even to myself but I had to realize it was my fault. Once again I went into some state with not showing feelings and I pulled on that mask and stepped away from him, so I sat back down on that stone with my back against him.

"You didn't have to worry about me. You'll probably be better off with your Marion without me" I stopped talking, dad gasped slightly but after that it was quiet for several seconds all until dad stomped around the stone and leaned forward to reach my height staring me straight into the eyes and I could hear his breathing had gone fast and shallow.

"Lea- Marie. Don't you never- ever accuse me of not caring about you again. Lea I…." Dad had to make a pause just to catch his breath. "I have given you everything you've ever wanted. What in that is that you feel seem like I do not care about you?" I hesitated. Dad was kind of right and there was always something new that I wanted and thought I needed. He couldn't tell me no and if he did I'd find a way to make him say yes anyway.

"Lea I." Dad sat down by me on the stone. "I love you and care for you more than life itself. Any day I would jump in front of a train if that would save you. I would give you the world if I could. I know that lately I have been spending loads of time with Marion and whatever for this new baby but… Don't you ever believe that it means that I care any less about you because I care more about you than what I ever could for anyone or anything else. Do you understand that?" I nodded and dad laid his arms around my shoulders and rested his chin towards the top of my head.

"Dad, I was wondering… How did you know I was here?"

"Oh Lea… Where else would you have been? But I'm afraid that now….. Since you're under eighteen you will have to come with me back to Lima whether you like it or not." I sighed and rested my head backwards against his shoulder. "I take it you don't want to?"

"I won't protest dad. Today I realized that… That there's nothing left for me here. Look… all of my friends went on with their lives and forgot about me and… nothing's the same." Dad laid his palm towards my head in a comforting move. "All this time I have spent wanting to go back and then I did and then… then I just… I don't know… Missed you I guess."

"You don't have to be ashamed of missing me Lea. After all I am quite awesome!" I sighed and shook my head while dad laughed at his own bad joke. "No but…" Dad silent for a good while before he finished. "I love you Lea." And I waited for another while, mostly to tease him and build up the tension before I finally did.

"I love you too dad."

**Keagan POV **

I and Bradon were out taking a- well, walk- ish. I guess we would call it. I sat bareback over Alma's back slowly having her walking forward along the road. While Bradon walked on his own two feet holding onto the leash that in the other end was attached to the collar of his Dalmatian Lucy. We had been talking about yet one thing yet the other after we went out. And we hadn't run out of things to talk to, it was just that none of us felt like talking was needed for the moment being.

Suddenly both mine and Bradon's phone buzzed and our two different message- sounds went off. Alma threw with her head, but otherwise she probably couldn't care less and I trusted my old lady so I could without a second care take the reins with one hand and pull my phone up out of my coat pocket and checked the phone with my other hand.

_I just had a call from Mr. Hale. Lea- Marie is back home, safe and unharmed. I won't tell you more than that and I don't want any of you pressuring her to do it either. She will tell us more if she wants to and feel safe to do so. I will invite Lea to come back to the glee club and am for now dropping her apology to Benjamin and Mady. I will take it up again when she haven't got as much to think about.  
-Mr. Blaine. _

"We had the same message. I could have just read mine out loud to you and you could have concentrated on Alma like you should." Bradon scolded while I put the phone back in my pocket and took the reins with both of my hands again. "Well, it is Wednesday today right?" I nodded. "And Lea- Marie disappeared on…"

"…Thursday night."

"She was gone for quite a while then!"

"Yeah."

"Quite impressive to run away for that long isn't it?" Bradon shrugged with one shoulder and we turned up the hill towards the stables and I took Alma down on a field where we could run around to let Alma stretch out her legs for a bit. While we were doing that Bradon sat on the ground and watched us but with his head leaned to the side in a way that told me about that he was far, far gone in his own little world.

I slowed down to have Alma walking a bit and turned back to the hill to go up to the stables. I and Bradon didn't say anything else for the moment. Just silently dried off the mud from Alma's legs and let her back into her stall. We both had our bikes here at the stables but still walked with them going to Bradon's where my dad would also come for Wednesday- diner.

For some reason it had been decided from a number of weeks ago that every Wednesday (Out of all days) I and my dad would have dinner at the Fredericks's house. It would be nice for certain- but I had a feeling it was all to ease the pressure because right now between me and my dad money was tight- tighter than what it had been before and Bradon's and the triplets' parents wanted to help with what they could.

"So what do you think about that?" Bradon suddenly asked when we were walking down his street. "That Mr. Blaine is dropping Lea- Marie's punishment after what she did to Benjamin and Mady I mean?" I shrugged-the choice wasn't up to me so what was there to think about it anyway? "What do you think Benjamin says about it?"

"I think that Benjamin is on the phone shouting at Mr. Blaine to do something about it after what she did to Mady. Benjamin usually isn't resentful but for doing that….. Wow! Benjamin must be furious!" Bradon nodded slowly. "Maybe we should go over to his for a minute to just check if he's okay and stuff like that." I stopped by the road- keep on walking straight forward and we would walk towards Bradon's. Turn in the other and we would be at Benjamin's in just a few minutes. "No… I think he needs some time alone with this." Bradon nodded agreeing and we kept on walking, silently until we walked up on the Fredericks' driveway at the same time as Malora Stone came walking out and carried a big carton out to Bennett's car.

"Hey Mal." I greeted. "Are you going somewhere?"

"I'll be moving into my own flat during the next few weeks. And I figured I'd take with me all of the stuff that have been collected in piles here every time I have been visiting Ben. How are you Keags?" She carefully placed the big box in the back seat of Ben's car and opened the front door on the passenger side. "I'd love to stay and chat but Ben's eager to go and pick up his girlfriend I better go with him now so he can go there before he starts acting way too much like his twin brother."

I couldn't help but laugh when I saw how fast Ben drove when he backed down the driveway. Sure Ben was madly in love with Jasper's sister Evie. So much it seemed like he was ready to actually act more like his twin brother than as himself and I couldn't really let go of that thought as I turned my back against the driveway and walked after Bradon into the house and to his room.

"Hey princess." Alex shouted after me and I sighed and shook my head. God I hated him calling me that! But in hope of that he would get tired of it if I acted like I didn't care I didn't even turn my head to look at him but greeted his sister Haiden coming from the other direction and just continued after Bradon until he was able to close the door to his room behind us. And I slumped down into his desk chair and Bradon onto his futon and once again we were silent for a long while.

"Did you hear about the major sales that was going to be in the mall on Sunday?" Bradon suddenly asked. "I mean… It's supposed to be pretty low prices so I figured if anyone maybe you should have a go because…" Bradon stopped in the middle of the sentence and I could see he was beating himself up for what he said.

"…Because money is tight. And if I'm going to like you then I'm going to need new clothes times like eighty and new shoes times like forty." I raised an eyebrow teasing him slightly and his cheeks went bright pink. "It's okay. Yeah, I heard about it and sure I want to go but if I'm going to do shopping I want this money thingy to be over. I think you get what I mean." Bradon nodded and we didn't have time to say anything else before we heard his mum shouting that dinner was done and we went downstairs to find not only the triplets, Bradon's parents and my dad but also Evie Birch.

"Looks like the Fredericks have guests from the royals." I joked and bowed in front of Evie. "Miss Birch." Evie just laughed slightly and shook her head while I pulled out the chair in between Evie and my dad's and sat down while Mrs. Fredericks put the kettle with some soup- stew- whatever in the middle of the table and right away Alex jumped up and grabbed the spoon.

"Alex! Guests first." Mrs. Fredericks more or less pulled the spoon from his hand and handed it to Evie. "So… what's going on? I heard you talking about some triplets just a minute ago. What was that about?"

"Well, you know mum how I, Ben and Hai have literally never known any other triplets in our whole life. Well, there are these three freshman at school who are triplets. And just like us there are two identical boys and then one girl who of course looks a bit different from the other two. And they are like… just because they're triplets and have got these 'supercool, fun, rhyming names' they walk around as if they freaking own the place. And I like- accidentally just like touched one of them when the hallway was crowded and suddenly I've got that girl and the other boy all over me!"

"So what are their names?" Dad seemed curious and Alex glared at him. "What? I'm just curious."

"Mary, Larry and Harry." Alex finally answered. While Mrs. Fredericks took matters into her own hands and took Evie's bowl and poured up from the soup. Moving on with Ben's and moved around the table.

"I think…" Ben had started eating and had to make a pause to actually swallow before he continued. "I think their actual names are Harold, Lawrence and Marianne." Alex glared at his identical brother- sometimes it was just too clear that even though Bennett and Alexander Fredericks were all identical outside- they were just really, really different on the inside.

"Well…" Haiden was the next one of the triplets which gave each of them each say in this. "I think it's sweet how they all look out for each other. You could learn a bit from them then Al… whoa!" Haiden ducked when Alex threw his soup bowl at her and the next one to speak her mind was Mrs. Fredericks and I had never seen her this angry before!

"Alexander! Now you clean this up. And then I do not want to see you at this table anymore today. Uh- uh. If you're going to behave like a little child I will treat you like one. Come on people, I'm sorry but we'll have to move from the table while my son clean this up. No protests Alexander. I guess we can just sit down in the living room instead of here. You can just take your plates and everything with you." We had to walk out in the hallway to come to the living room and dad could see through the window a big pool of mud and whatever else in the garden that had been caused by all the raining lately.

"So... what were you talking about Keags and Brady?" Mrs. Fredericks asked as we sat down in the sofas and chairs of the living room. "It sounded unusually quiet from your room but I heard something about some very good sales."

"Sales? I don't know about any sales? We were talking about whales!" I tried.

Dad didn't know about the sales. And I'd like to keep it like that. Because if he did it might end up with him pulling me with him there and not leaving until he had used up at least half of the money that should go to paying bills and whatever else that was more important than that I would have more clothes or shoes that didn't have holes in them.

What? I could still use them couldn't I?

"Why would you say that Keagan?"

"Stop!"

"We were talking about sales."

"I said stop it!"

"There's a major sale on like all the stores at the mall on Sunday."

"What is it with stop it you don't understand?"

"With like up to 80 % sale on like everything."

As expected dad listened carefully to what Bradon said about the sale and suddenly he looked at me in way that I could see meant what I had been afraid of.

"God Bradon." I hadn't actually planned to say it out loud. "Why can't you just shut up. Look I told you I didn't want my dad finding out about it because I know how much you have been struggling with the money dad. And I have heard you talking on the phone to mum and I know everything that's been going on lately and I can't care about whatever clothes because there are tons of more important things than me to spend it on right now! Because the reason to this is that my mother left and now stopped sending paychecks and the reason to that is that I can't accept my freaking sex!" I stopped talking. "Did I just say that out loud?" Bradon and Haiden nodded. "I did not mean to do that. WHOA. Dad what are you doing?" Dad had stood up and I was just putting my bowl and spoon on the table and dad pulled me onto my feet and out in the hallway and out in the garden to the big pool of mud.

"Get in there." Dad pointed. I raised an eyebrow and heard the others gather on the porch behind me. "Get in there. On your stomach, roll over onto your back and then stay there. Now, I want to show you something." I sat down on my knees in the mud and then dropped and laid down on my stomach before rolling over to my back.

"Happy now?"

"No." Dad answered and laid down on his stomach in the mud next to me and rolled over to his back himself. "Sit up." I pushed myself up into sitting Indian style in the mud and dad did the same. "Look Keagan. The most important part of my life or for my money to or whatever- just the most important. That is you. And You, and nothing else but you. I would live on the streets and live on bread and water wearing ragged and muddy clothes if it meant that I could give you everything you needed. And why can't you just see that? And why can't you just believe me when I tell you that when I say that when Agatha left it was not your fault. She was an adult person making her own decision and that there is nothing I want for you rather than for you to be able to just be yourself."

"Dad?"

"Yep."

"I really don't need clothes or shoes or whatever."

"Keags- there are holes right through the soles in all of your shoes. You are getting new shoes whether you like it or not but Keagan… What is most important here is and to everything you said that… Don't ever you believe that I would ever do anything rather than spend it on your well- being okay? I would give up everything I had, jump in front of a train and do whatever else you can think of if it meant that you would have it all. That's how much I love you son!" I swallowed and the silence hung in the air for a long while until Mr. Fredericks broke it with shouting.

"You two are not coming into the house like that. But I can borrow you some towels so you can drive home without getting mud in the whole car to change clothes." I smiled slightly and stood up from the mud and couldn't help but laugh before I looked up at dad and looked into his eyes remembering that I hadn't answered him yet so I did.

"I love you too dad."

**Daniel POV **

"And then you just go there. And voila! Now- DJ Vincent. You have got your very own Facebook account. Is that someone you know?" A thumbnail- picture and name of someone I had never heard of before showed up on the screen and I shook my head. "Then just press there and then there and… who do you want to be your first Facebook friend?"

I looked up at Ashleigh and smirked childishly. "I want you to be my first Facebook friend. But I can't write your name because I don't know it. What is your name Ashleigh?… oh!" When I realized what I had said Ashleigh broke down laughing and I couldn't help but chuckle. "Gertrude was it?" Ashleigh lightly slapped my neck with the back of her head. "No… let's see. Ashleigh Michaels. Oh there you are!"

Just as I pressed the button to 'befriend' Ashleigh her phone beeped with the request and she pulled it up and nodded. Then my laptop beeped as she accepted me and I tried to find the list of her friends to search through it for people I knew too.

"Hold on." I had barely started when a name and face I knew very well came across the screen. "My dad has a Facebook…" I hesitated. "No, no, let me put that differently. My DAD had a Facebook before ME? Oh crap." I pressed to send a friend- request to him and then moved up on the screen again to try and find my friends from glee club.

"Come on." When I at last pressed Lea- Marie's name on the screen I turned away from my laptop. "It's almost nine o'clock and we'll have to get up quite early tomorrow. There's something I want to show you before we have to go to bed." I walked out of the room and down the stairs, then outside and pulled my jacket on, hearing Ashleigh coming after me as I walked down the driveway and up the block.

It wasn't a long walk to the hospital, only a couple of blocks. But when I continued showing her closer and closer to Lima memorial Ashleigh was looking kind of confused and looked at me as if she was wondering if I really knew what I was doing. But I didn't say anything before I showed her into the hospital and up one stair after the other.

"This door is usually opened." After God knows how many stairs and a hallway I carefully opened the door. "Don't worry, there are no patients on this floor. Only conference rooms and things and I don't think they'd have a conference at this time of day. Come on. Damn it, it's cloudy." I looked out the window and glanced over the view. "I'll take you here tomorrow morning again, if we have the time before you have to catch the bus. You should see it!" I sighed, but didn't have the time to say anything else before a doctor came in.

"Who are you? You aren't allowed to be here."

"RUN." I shouted, and didn't have the time to think or do anything else before I and Ashleigh had run around the table and more or less jumped out from the room, down the hallway, down the stairs and then out from the hospital out of breath but still laughing.

"I'd never thought I'd see the day you broke one of the rules DJ!" Ashleigh stated, and laughed while we turned our steps back towards my house.

One hour later Ashleigh had fallen asleep, her bus back to Toledo would leave at eight in the morning. I sat in my desk chair and watched on the clock that Thursday turned into Friday while the only sound I could hear was the cars outside and Ashleigh's slight snoring. Then at last- as it was almost three in the morning and only two hours until I'd have to be up again I fell asleep- and instead of in the top bunk above Ashleigh, I did it curled up in my desk chair with my head hanging to the side.

The next morning it was cloudy again, and no point with going back to the hospital. The morning sun was beautiful to see from that conference highest in the hospital. But there wasn't a point going there when it was cloudy because there was no way we would be able to see it anyway. And so we only turned back to the last of Ashleigh's packing.

And so came the part where we stood with our arms around each other and hugged each other tightly. And then she went onto the bus and waved to me as it left the station. And so I was alone again.

I must have been standing at that bus stop for almost two hours. When you were in school Friday mornings were always the best next after Friday afternoon. But this Friday morning was the most grey and most depressing morning ever. Mum and dad had been god knows where since September, and wouldn't be home until December. Now was the beginning of November and I freaking HATED my life. More than ever during the two hours I stood in the middle of the pouring rain at the bus station.

At last someone that worked at the bus station came and asked if I was waiting for a bus or whatever and then I slowly started walking through the blocks again and towards my street. Although coming in the crossroad right between the blocks I saw something I couldn't just ignore.

"What's the matter, nerdy boy?" Avery Benson and a couple ones of his friends that I didn't know the names of stood picking on a younger, very short boy with dark- brown hair sitting on the ground. "Oh is that rain or is it a tear that I see? You're not only a nerd you're a whimp as well." It wasn't funny, but Benson's friends screamed with laughter as Benson kneeled down. "Have you got a wallet on you today nerd?"

"HEY." I shouted and sprinted over to them and pulled Benson away from the younger boy. "Leave him alone. Go pick on someone your own size." Benson looked like he wanted to start fighting me at first. But I knew some very good things about him- he knew I knew and one step wrong and I could have them spread all over school. So he cracked his neck and then turned to his friends.

"Come on, I'm bored anyway." Benson walked away and around the corner while I kneeled in front of the boy who still sat on the pavement reaching down towards his ankle. I had thought he was too young to be in high school first but when he looked up at me and his hood fell off I could see it was a guy from McKinley. One from freshman year.

"Hey, I'm Daniel. You're Jake right?" Jake nodded. "Don't worry about that Benson- guy. I'll take care of him and he'll never bother you again. Here let me see." I pulled up Jake's slack a bit and untied his sneaker. "Tell me if it hurts." He didn't have to tell- Jake flinched when I tried to press towards his ankle. "Okay…" I stated after a bit. "There's nothing broken, but sprained. Don't worry, I've done it at least a thousand times and it will be as good as new within a few weeks." Jake nodded. And I wondered for a bit. But before I had come to a conclusion Jake spoke himself.

"Hold on. You're Daniel Vincent. You're like… the coolest guy in the whole town." I chuckled slightly- I had ended up kind of popular at McKinley although actually how I wasn't too sure. "I'm… I'm fine I…" Jake almost jumped up on his feet. "I- OW!" He stepped on his hurt foot and I had to grab him under his arms so he wouldn't fall and I thought for a second and then decided it was worth a shot.

"Tell you what. I'll help you- carry you- home to mine. I'm sure we've got something to help with this and I think that my old crutches with suit you just perfectly. And while that you can just call up someone you know to take you home or I will carry you there too." I smirked a bit, hopefully this would seem less creepy as Jake recognized me from school, at last he nodded and I scooped him up and walked the rest of the way through half the block and up my driveway.

"Whoa." Jake's eyes grew wide as I threw him down into our sofa and a game console caught his eye. "I didn't think those new consoles were even out on the market yet." Jake looked confused and kind of hopeful up at me and I threw him a control for it- what else was there for him to do anyway!

"They're not. My dad works for apple and every once in a while I borrow new stuff and tell them what is good and what can be better and in return I might get to keep it or just get a check. I don't care much for it anymore."

"That is so awesome. I wish I had a dad who worked for apple too!"

"Be careful what you wish for."

I sighed and while searching through the cupboard with our things for first aid I glanced to the boy starting his game. For a moment I was almost on my way to tell him how I hadn't seen my parents since September because of dad's job but I swallowed my words and then threw the cupboard door closed.

"We don't have any more of that bandage I thought we'd have. You just keep on playing and I'll be back in ten minutes." I grabbed some money from the bench in the hallway and ran the fastest I could to the pharmacy at the hospital. And just as I came through the doors my phone rang and my stomach made flips in happiness when I saw it was my dad- with all of his working we had barely gotten a chance to talk since he left.

"Hey Daniel." Dad greeted me. "I see you've gotten Facebook! How does that feel to be one of the gang?" I snorted at his happy tone that was so typical for him when he was only joking anyway. "Well…" Dad carried on talking.

A few times when I answered him I noticed the other people in the pharmacy were looking at me. But it didn't really hit me that I might be talking too loud as I wandered around the pharmacy and had lost my concentration on what it was I was getting.

"Please." Suddenly someone from the staff called out for me and opened the door. "Go outside and talk on the phone:" From the chock, for the moment I barely knew what he told me. First I meant to start talking even louder to dad and tell him what was happening. But I was so confused and angry suddenly I must have accidentally hung up on him and quickly decided I wasn't going back into that store- not now nor never.

Walking back without that bandage I tried to call up dad again, damn it I hadn't spoken to him in so long. I needed to do it now. In just a little while he might have too much to do.

"Hey Dan." I could hear on dad's voice he was in a rush and suppressed a sigh- just the usual then. "Something turned up I can't talk right now. Talk to you later. Love you son. Bye." The phone beeped and with that it went silent. I held the phone to my ear for several seconds and barely knew what to do before I answered one of the last things that dad had said even though he couldn't hear me.

God I missed my parents!

"I love you too dad."

**Benjamin POV **

On Saturday afternoon I sat in the office and put papers in the paper shredder. Listened to nothing else than it's monotone buzzing shredding the unnecessary papers into pieces one after one after one. It wasn't a job that took concentration, so I dreamed away and jumped when the door to the office suddenly was opened and Mr. Burt Hummel himself stepped in with his phone in his hand.

"Benji. My wife wants to invite you and your mother and sister for dinner. What should I say to her?" I hesitated for a few seconds. It would be good I could guess… mum wouldn't have to stress with making dinner for me and Mady, or we wouldn't have to pay for another dinner on McDonald's or wherever. But… I couldn't help but feeling like we barged too much into the Hudmels' life already and I didn't want to do it anymore.

"I'll tell her yes then." Mr. Hummel could probably just about read my mind and he smiled comforting. "Will you tell your mother?" I nodded and pulled up my phone to quickly text- message my mum who was home with Mady and would go just as I came home from work not to have to leave Mady with Brady who had some big exam after Halloween and needed to study.

Mr. Hummel turned to the garage again and I heard his voice sounding muffled through the wall. I had lost the little concentration I had before and just sat there with the rest of the papers on my lap holding them with one hand and my phone in the other hand not even knowing what I was supposed to do with that for what felt like several hours, but probably was only a minute or two.

I flinched when I felt Mr. Hummel's hand on my shoulder, I had been so gone in my own thoughts I hadn't heard him come into the room and behind and over the glasses frames I could see him frowning before he walked around the table and slumped down in the chair on the opposite side of the table from me.

"Benjamin. I'm going to ask you a question. And when you answer it I want you not to care about what I will think about the answer or if it will worry me in any way. I want you to just simply answer me the truth. And how much or little you want to say is up to you. I am not pressuring you to anything okay?" I nodded and Mr. Hummel leaned forward over the table and put his elbows towards the desk. "Benjamin. Are you alright?"

I froze, literally- my whole insides felt cold like ice. Was I so bad on hiding my problems? Really? God Benjamin Bo Heedie! You need to fight for the fact that no one should be bothered by your problems!

"Sure." I forced on a fake smile. "I'm fine." Mr. Hummel raised an eyebrow at me and I sighed when I could almost hear something inside of me break. "Why ask if you're not gonna believe me anyway." I stood up and leaned back against the small kitchen bench and rubbed my face with my whole palms. "Mady's… Well I don't know what really. She haven't spoken one word since she got to know that dad's gone forever. Not one! Mum's about to lose her job because apparently her boss thinks she's getting too old for that kind of job and school is going like hell and football is going like hell and my medicines are going like hell and… Sorry I don't know where all of this suddenly came from."

"Listen. Benjamin." Mr. Hummel stood up again and with his arms crossed over his chest and looked with a very serious look in his green eyes into my very, very blue ones. "I'm afraid I can't help you with any of these problems. But I can take a guess and guess that what is probably bothering you the most is the part with Mady since I've seen you care a lot for your sister. Am I right?" I nodded, and fought away the tears that were burning behind my eyes.

"Yes."

"Listen. When my Kurt's mum died. He was only slightly older than what your sister is now. I tried to tell him what it would mean that his mum was gone even though it did hurt. And so I must have said that his mum would be sleeping forever. And Kurt being so little and kind of naïve like children are he looked at me and asked 'daddy how long is forever?' because children that little don't know what forever means. And maybe that is good. Because it gives them a chance to wait for their loved one to come back, and until they're old enough to understand that they won't they will kind of move on with their lives even though it still hurts. And do you know what I had done when it finally seemed like Kurt understood enough to come to peace with it?"

"No"

"I followed my heart. And told Kurt what it told me to. So that's what you do to your sister alright? And most important you let her know that wherever she is she's still got her dad with her. Okay?" I nodded and Mr. Hummel glanced at his watch. "I think it's about an hour until we should take an end to this day so now let's… go home shall we? You can come home with me if you're coming for dinner anyway." I hesitated- I really needed every dollar I could get from this job. "I'll pay you for a full day anyway- uh- uh. No protests. You need this better than I do. Come on. Did you call your mum?" Not until then I finally remembered what I was doing with my phone and quickly walked after Mr. Hummel while looking down into my phone.

"Forgive me for asking…" Mr. Hummel started while he turned the key by the steering wheel. "…And you don't have to answer if it's private. But how was it that your dad died?" I sighed- from what I had heard about Mr. Hummel he could be sneaky and I had only been waiting for him to ask.

"He was a drug addict, and a drug dealer. He sold some whatever to a person who thought that he hadn't gotten what he had paid for and was shot. His body was too broken down by all of those drugs to be able to heal the wounds. Dad ended up in a coma and the ventilator was turned off three days later. It's just over a year ago."

"So… I guess telling Mady how he died might not be the best idea then?"

"No!" I answered in a tone that would make it clear that I didn't want any more questions about that subject and turned back to my phone to try and seem busy while I texted my mum so that Mr. Hummel would, and then also did leave me alone.

_Mr. And Mrs. Hummel wants us over for dinner today. Sorry- they didn't want any protests. Can you take Mady and come to theirs? I'll go right there. It should be in about an hour and a half, two hours. –Benji. _

"This was just lovely Mrs. Hummel, Mr. Hummel." My mum said at what would for her be the end of the dinner. "But I'm afraid I'll have to go now or I'll be late for my work. Benji come here." I leaned a bit to the side and she leaned closer and kissed my cheek, then reached down and did the same to my sister. "Ben, don't forget to eat yourself too. Thank you very much for dinner but. I have to go. No you just keep on eating I just have to leave. Goodbye." Mum went out the room and I heard her continue out into the hallway and then the front door closing. And despite what she told me I was still mostly trying to make my sister eat rather than eating myself.

"Benjamin. I know what you're doing but you're going to need to eat yourself as well." Mr. Blaine seemed mildly annoyed by my behavior and I really had to fight the urge to send him an ice- cold glare. Instead I put Mady's fork down and turned to my own for the first down since I had actually put food up on it.

"So I was thinking…" Mr. Blaine started. "Since the glee club's called Finn's army and is… partly made for Finn I had an idea. And I've checked but sorry Mads but you can't compete with us at Regionals. But…. I was thinking we could have Finn's favorite animal as a mascot and therefore I was thinking Kurt could help me make a shark- costume for you Mady. What would you think about that Mads?"

Mady didn't answer. She just kept on staring emptily in front of her and did not say anything. Even though I knew that just a few weeks ago the thought of dressing up as a shark and being Fin's army's mascot would have made her jumped high with joy. Then suddenly something clicked and I shot up and suddenly had four pairs of eyes all on me.

"Shark! Mr. Blaine! You're a genius. Come on Mady. I need to tell you something between us two." Mady didn't react but I lifted her up and carried her out of the kitchen and out of the house before sitting down on the porch steps with her and draping my coat that I had grabbed in the hallway around her so she wouldn't be cold.

"Mady. Do you remember how much daddy used to like sharks? Like every time there was something on TV about sharks he would sit as glued on the couch and made you watch it with him. Do you remember that we have pictures from when you were little and he'd dress you up in that super cute little shark costume?" Mady didn't answer, but there was something in her eyes that hadn't been there before so I decided to just go on.

"Mady… Just because you cannot see dad it doesn't mean he's not here. Because he is here. He can see you all the time and hear you." I bit my lip and tried to come up with the next thing to say. "And he still loves you. He still loves you so very, very much. You are the only thing that he loves even more than what he loves sharks so why not combine you with sharks hey? And then when you're dressed up he'll be there like he is now saying 'I love you Mady. I love you, I love you.' Can't you hear him say it?" For the first time in weeks Mady reacted to something I said and nodded slightly. "Do you want to answer him or should I do it first?"

"You do it first." I nodded, then turned to the wind and tried to imagine dad was really there. But before I had the time to say anything Mady suddenly shouted something as the tears started spurting again.

"I LOVE YOU DAD. BUT I HATE THAT YOU LEFT! BUT I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU."

She broke down crying suddenly and without another word I wrapped her up in my arms and held her tight. After a while it started getting too cold to sit out there so I stood up and Mady hung around my neck while I walked back into the kitchen just as I noticed Mady had fallen asleep like that.

"Do you know what Ben?" Carole said as she helped me draping a blanket around Mady in the living room sofa. "Let Mady stay here tonight. I can help the boys and check the measurements we need for that costume and… I think you need some resting and time on your own." I hesitated- I wasn't so sure I should leave her after this. "If anything happens we'll call you. Even if it's in the middle of the night. Okay?"

I was on my way to answer her no. That I wanted to take Mady home after this. But before I had the chance I just… felt how right she was. I had barely gotten a moment on my own since school started and I was both mentally and physically exhausted. Maybe it was the fact that I just knew it that had me suddenly accept it and I just took a few steps over the floor and embraced Carole. In fact that was all I could have done to show my gratefulness.

Walking back home I felt weirdly relieved in a way that I hadn't in God knows how long. And so the sun was shining and a cold wind blowing and the sound of the wind almost- just almost sounded slightly like dad's voice saying

"I love you. I love you"

Well… with a bit of wishing and imagination that was! But that didn't keep me from answering.

"I love you too dad"

**Charlotte POV **

"Look at those. They're nice… I guess." On the Sunday when it was sale everywhere on the mall I and dad finally went out over the day to get me new shoes. Then in the afternoon I stood looking at what must have been the millionth pair of sneakers that day. And still I didn't get that feeling like… these ones were the right. But I took the black and blue shoes that I had found this time when I found them in my size and sat down to try them on.

But when I got them on and started walking around I just felt that these weren't right either. By now dad knew the look on my face when I felt they weren't right and he sighed and bit together his jaws in that way he always did when he was starting to get sick and tired of something.

"I'm sorry dad." I tried but he just waved it off. "I really am. They're good. They really are. I'm sure they will feel just fine if I just wear them for a while." I tried to hide the fact that I didn't think so at all and that I felt that I would for sure get blisters from them. But I should have known that dad knew me way too well by now.

"You're a rubbish liar Charlie." He told me. "I can see you don't like them and that's okay. We'll just keep on looking until we find some that you like and that feels right. But come on. Let's grab something to eat first before I become a grumpy old man on you." Dad smirked and I switched into my own shoes again before putting the others back on the shelf, shoved my hands in my pockets and walked after my dad out of the store and through the hallways to a café.

We ate during silence, there was not much else to talk about I guessed. But towards the end of the meal dad ordered tea for the both of us and for a minute or two he was just staring down in his cup or at my cup and had a weird smile on his face that I didn't really recognize.

"You know… I'm so happy that you decided to have your own cup of tea as well. Every time I and your mother were out I would order tea or coffee and Katherine wouldn't want anything and then she'd drink all of mine instead." I let hear a forced, short chuckle. "Here- Charlie." Dad leaned over the table and reached out his hand over the table and I leaned forward to and put my smaller one in his big hand.

"I loved your mother so very, very, very much. And I know that I've made some very wrong things towards you and Fran since she died to you especially but… I still love you, and your mum more than anything else." I swallowed- I didn't want to let dad see me cry. "And… You know, you are allowed to think about your mum and be happy. Feel good about the memories and have a laugh about the fun things that she did and said. It's what she would have wanted."

I looked away and down into the floor. Forced myself to concentrate on the pattern in the back of a chair not to think about my mum. Every time I did it would just lead to those pictures I had in my memory pushed somewhere far back into my mind not to have it pop up every time I saw or as much as heard a car or thought about one.

Dad squeezed my hand and lifted his other hand from his mug and laid it towards the back of my hand. And I had a weird feeling that almost had me fizzling at him when I realized this was like the third or maybe the fifth or something time we spoke in months without fighting. And the thought about how much we usually fought caused the lump in my throat to grow bigger.

"I love you too. I love you more than what words could ever tell. And I'm sorry that we have been fighting so much and everything but… when I look at you, and look into your eyes I just can't help to see your mother and that breaks my heart all over again. Before I always have to remember that you are you and not her. No matter how much you look like her or is like your mother were when we first met you are you. And I love you."

"It's my fault dad!"

"What is?"

"Everything."

I didn't know what made me say it but I did know that after I had said it, it was like a big, heavy stone had fallen from my heart. Something that had been there ever since mum died and bothered and bothered me without me being able to catch a break fell from my heart while I could see dad stand up and come around the table where he sat down next to me and took my hand in one of his and laid the other arm around my shoulders and pulled me close.

"Nothing's your fault Charlie. Nothing is!"

I wished I could have told dad how much what he said meant to me right then. And I also wished we hadn't been in the middle of the mall because if we hadn't been then I might have for once been able to just let go and cry for once. But now I just had to fight my very, very hardest not to cry and not to show dad or anyone else that I was weak.

Weak! Weak! Weak! Useless! You're useless Charlotte! You're weak and useless Charlotte Maria Amato! Useless! Useless! Useless!

"Charlotte? Charlie? Charl are you alright?" Dad's voice forced the voices in my head away and I returned to reality. "You just seemed to dream away for a while. I was saying that… your mum would have wanted you to be happy. And if she knew about this she'd have wanted us to feel happy about the time we got to have with her and also have a laugh at the funny ones so… for us to actually have the rest of our tea and then go back to shopping. How about we share a memory with her each that makes us laugh?" I shrugged. "Okay I'll start."

Dad thought for a while. And didn't seem sure about something. So he seemed to decide something and spoke again.

"When you, and first when your sister were little. So little you still used diapers she would always make me change them. And she'd do that even if it meant disturbing me in the middle of a dinner with my friends that we had at home so it annoyed me a bit and at last I asked her about it. And she answered me that 'when the girls are older and get periods and start meeting boys I will have to do that work. This is the only dirty work you can do. So you better do it' I never complained about it again." I couldn't help but let hear a short laugh. But not so much because I thought it was funny.

"That is so your humor dad." Dad ruffled in my hair slightly. "Don't do that, you know I hate it. Well… You know when I was maybe, four, five and moved out from always sleeping in yours and mum's room and moved into the room that Liam's got now. And when I moved in there everything had its own place and everything and then like two days later everything was just scattered on the floor and mum kept on complaining it was so messy and at last because I wouldn't tidy it she took matters into her own hands when I was in dance class and tidied the whole room from the floor to the ceiling. And I was angry with her for like weeks because I couldn't find anything I searched for because it was too tidy." Dad chuckled and took the last sip from his cup.

"She was great. And she and Kirsten are each other's complete opposites. And I know you and Kirsten don't get along but. I want you to know that I'd never try and replace your mum. Not with Kirsten and neither with anyone else. She was my very first love, and she will be my last as well. Alongside you and Frances."

"Dad."

"Yes?"

"If Frances had a secret that she hadn't told anyone about. Not even me but I had found it out anyway. What would you say to her then?" Dad frowned, and I could see on the way his eyes looked that I knew something that he didn't. "And what would you want me to do if she doesn't know that I know?"

"I would tell her that I love her very much. And when she decides to tell me I still will no matter what. I'll tell her that when she does I'm happy that she told me. And I'd like you to let your sister know that you know. But in a nice way okay?" I nodded. And tried to come up with a plan fast on how I would let Frances know I knew about her sexuality. "Now come on. We can't sit here all day. Let's go do some more shopping."

Dad and I had only walked out from the café and I glanced over the hallway of the mall we were in and loads and loads of shoes stacked in a window caught my vision and so I saw them. At first I didn't know what to say. Just tugged dad's sleeve to catch his attention and then grabbed his arm and pulled him away into the store and found the shoes I had seen in the window and held it up. Dad took a look at them.

"They're not on sale Charlie." I felt my happiness drop and lowered my head. No way I would be able to have them then! "But... At least try them on. That might not matter if that suit you and everything. And they're grey and blue aren't they." I nodded and threw my boots off to pull the sneakers on. Walking around with them I almost looked with puppy eyes at my dad. "So do you like them Charlie?" I stopped and looked up at dad.

"I really like them dad. I really, really like them. Please let me have them dad." Dad hesitated and scratched the back of his head. "Please. I really, really want them." Dad closed his eyes and held up a hand to silent me.

"Okay then. It will be a bit of an early birthday present for you though so don't expect much for your birthday." I nodded and shook my head. That was perfectly fine with me. I didn't really like my birthday anyway and thinking about it was only a few days away I mostly wanted to run and hide from everyone who knew about it. But still when I watched dad pay for the shoes and could take the carton under my arm and walk back towards the parking lot and the car again.

There was one store in town where they had both yet the one thing yet the other that the staff thought suited for dancing. I had never really gone into it despite how much I loved dancing. It was a pretty new store and things were expensive. But as we walked by it and I looked into the window I couldn't help to notice the mannequin that was fully dressed in blue and grey and I couldn't help but to picture myself in those clothes.

On the mannequin they had put a blue floral patterned dress, over that a grey sweater, a grey beanie and dancing sneakers in blue, silver and white. For a second I dreamed away and completely forgot what I was doing so I didn't notice dad had noticed what I was looking at before he more or less pulled me out the doors and to the parking lot. And I wasn't going to ask him for more now anyway- and I probably would never be able to pay for those things myself this lifetime.

"How about driving by the graveyard and visit your mum before we go home yeah?" Dad asked. I shrugged and dad drove onto the road that would take us to the cemetery. Dad reached out his hand and took mine that I had laid towards the shoe carton to just really feel like it was real. If there were any perfect shoes, it was these!

"Getting new shoes is a great thing Charlotte." Dad suddenly stated. "It's also a great thing to remember and hold on to the ones we have lost. But what is most important is to hold on to the ones that we love that we have here and always keep them close." Dad squeezed my hand and looked away from the road and at me for a second. "I love you Charlotte… WHOA!"

Dad had looked away from the road for just a split second too long. One second the road was empty and so there was another car there. It drove straight into ours and our car was thrown flipped over onto the field by the road upside down. I could hear glass crashing and felt myself tumbling around and suddenly it was all gone.

Although even though I knew I had to close my eyes there was just one thing I knew I had to say before everything went black. Even though I could barely say anything at all and it was barely even a whisper or a croak I just had to say it.

"I love you too dad."

**So… Jasper caught whatever bug Dom had and wants to take care of Evie. Lea- Marie is found and is going back to Lima and the glee club. Keagan's dad is trying to show him that there's nothing more important in his life than Keagan. Daniel is alone but seems to have made a new friend. Then he messes up again and is kicked out of a store for talking too loud on the phone. And he also really misses his parents. Benjamin talked to Mady and she seems to be like she's out of that Apathetic state. She's also going to be Finn's army's mascot at the competitions. And you now know what happened to Benjamin and Mady's dad and also Charlotte and her dad finally got to talk to each other and then were involved in a car crash. **

**Jake is sent in by x snow- pony x and is portrayed by Davis Cleveland. The triplets- Harry, Larry and Mary that are briefly mentioned are portrayed by Kay Panabaker and the boys are portrayed by Greyson Chance. Mary is written in between me and GleeJunkie007 and Harry with me and x snow- pony x. **

**Random fact**

**What happens to Daniel- Getting thrown out of a store because of talking too loud on the phone. You might think it sounds unrealistic but it actually happened to me. I don't go to that store anymore. **


	22. With or without you

**New polyvores added to the collection  
-Outfits for Harry, Larry and Mary  
-Random for Sheena Dylan, character filled up by xIloveheartlandx  
-Random for Zeke Dylan  
-Random for Harry Collins, character and edit made by x snow-pony x**

**Here comes a brand new chapter for you all. I hope you like it. **

**Martina POV **

_Hello guys _

_I have some very important news to tell you guys and I'm afraid they're not good. Can you all meet me in the choir room at ten o'clock? I've got papers for you that you can leave for your teachers so please come even if you have classes. It's very important. _

I read what Mr. Blaine had written for us in the Facebook- group all over again, then again. Something in it made me feel like something was wrong. Like very, very wrong. More wrong than being just not so good wrong and I felt something clench in my stomach while I closed the phone's case and walked down the hall again towards my first class.

During the whole class I was concentrating on my drawing more than on math. It was supposed to be of Augustus and Hazel Grace but looked more like a bunch of lines and a circle. I really wasn't very good at drawing! But it took my mind partly of what it was that Mr. Blaine had written about on Facebook because I couldn't let go of the feeling that something was very, very wrong.

Only because I waited for the clock to reach enough for me to leave math class and heading to the choir room without having to sit there and wait for God knows how long. So at last the clock reached five minutes before ten and I gathered my papers and books and placed my pencil case in my bag before I made a ball out of my drawing and threw it into the trash leaving the room.

Only to two seconds run back into the room, find the right paper with my drawing and then sprint back to catch up with Seth and the other ones in my math class and the glee club to get to the choir room to find Mr. Blaine standing leaning against the piano with hands in his pockets and a very serious look on his face.

"I guess that is everyone then. Take a seat." Also Mr. Blaine's voice had a low and serious tone in it once he told us to sit right after Daniel came in after us and so pulled up his phone and seemed to check some things. "How many of you were at those big sales at the mall yesterday?" He asked, I felt weird about him starting like that for something that seemed so serious but raised my hand along with several of the others. "Well… I've had some text messages from Liam Linnel, Charlotte's stepbrother. And it turns out Charlotte and her dad were there too together…"

"Speaking about that!" Seth interrupted. "Where is Charlotte? Did something happen to her at that mall?" Mr. Blaine held up a hand to silent him. "Oh, sorry."

"It's alright. And I was getting to that. Nothing happened to them at the mall but at the way home they were in a crash. Mr. Amato got out with just a scratch and a broken wrist but Charlotte…" Mr. Blaine silent as if what was next hurt him really badly. She couldn't be… Could she…?

"Is she…" Seth's voice sounded weirdly forced and broken. But he couldn't finish the sentence that we all had been wanting to ask but no one else dared. "She is! Isn't she?"

"No. But she's in a coma." I breathed out- and by the sound of it I wasn't the only one that had been almost forced to hold my breath. "And when she'll wake up… I don't know when. And I don't know if." A half- suppressed sound was heard from my right and Seth. "Is there… Is there any of you who know Charlotte… well?"

Suddenly the room went all quiet, no one said a word and I think we were all looking to one and other. Revealing the fact that none of us actually knew Charlotte better than by name and to greet her if we saw her on the street.

But I could guess that the fact that everyone seemed to shaken by the fact that Charlotte was in hospital said something about that even though we hadn't been too interested with her, there was still no way we could do things without her.

"Come on guys." At last Mr. Blaine stood up and raised his arms to either side. "Group hug." One after one the others started standing up and joining Mr. Blaine in the hug. At last Lea-Marie was the only one sitting down and I could see one and the other glaring towards her and I couldn't blame them. So at last Jasper broke form the group and held out his hand.

"Come on. It isn't a real group hug if it's without you." Lea glared at him and stood up, then without taking Jasper's hand or another word she laid her arms around Sharon's and Dakota's. Jasper went back to his place and put his arms back around my and Christie's shoulders. And for a moment everything that could be heard was Seth's half- suppressed sobbing even though everyone could have told he was doing his best not to cry.

When we were all breaking away from the hug I heard Blaine mumble something to Seth, but couldn't catch the words. Seth nodded, and mumbled something back while drying the tears that had escaped from his eyes and Mr. Blaine patted his shoulder while Seth turned back to the chairs and sat down.

"If any of you would like to visit Charlotte in the hospital. Then don't just go there they only let family in by that. But come to me and I'll arrange something… Okay… It might seem cold and callous to talk about right now but… I heard from Liam that right now this glee club does in fact mean a lot to Charlotte. So… I was thinking maybe we shouldn't have any rehearsals or theme or anything before we know what happens to her"

"Are you thick or something?" Mr. Blaine flinched, and it took me a number of seconds and noticing that everyone had turned to stare at me before I realized I had said it out loud and had to go on. "If it means so much to her then just quitting and acting like we can't do it without her is the last thing we should do. Isn't it?"

The whole room fell silent again, and I mentally beat myself up for saying anything at all. And I would for sure get in trouble for asking Mr. Blaine if he was thick. But while I waited for Mr. Blaine to send me out of the room or whatever someone else spoke, and it was not who I had expected to.

"Martina's right." Seth's voice still sounded thick, but steadier than what it had earlier. "If it is that… that Charlotte might or might not wake up again then… then we've at least got to prove to her and to ourselves and everybody else that even if we wouldn't want to we can do it both with her and without her. And… And maybe the week when… when the circumstances are what they are maybe we should do something that… that would mean something."

Mr. Blaine scratched his head so the long, black curls bounced and so he nodded. "Yeah, you're right… So what do you think Seth? What is it that means something that we should do this week?" I looked up at Seth where he stood next to me and he seemed to have something on his tongue. "It's okay… What is your idea?"

"I think it's important… when things do get hard that you kind of… kind of put your differences and conflicts aside to just stay together as friends and be there for each other. So maybe friendship…" Mr. Blaine rubbed his chin and then nodded.

"Friendship week it is… Martina what is it?" I had been sitting more or less spinning on my chair for the last while and at last it must have caught Mr. Blaine's eye.

"I need the toilet." Mr. Blaine shook his head and pointed with his thumb towards the door, I grabbed my bag and half ran, half jumped towards the door and down the hallway- jumping right into someone with crutches. And I almost choke already before I saw her face.

These clothes… let me change that! This crazy outfit- T shirt with Dobermann print, bronze colored shorts and sneakers and black tights. I only knew one person who could even think about putting items together in that way… And I quickly looked up to see the face and eyes of a person I really had never wanted to see again.

"Martina…"

"No."

"Martina…"

"No."

"Martina…"

"No I said." On my way to the next class Renata Perkins, the girl I had walked into earlier was following me as quickly as she could with her crutches. "And I never want to see you ever again. And then remember that it was you and not me who left. I've gotten a life without you and I will not change it into a life with you again. So Renie- we're done, okay?"

Renie turned around and jumped down the hallway on her crutches, for a moment I wanted to catch up with her. And to distract myself I looked down on my drawing of Hazel and Gus.

It was something like that I and Renie had once had. Two people meeting in the place they didn't really want to go and starting of as friends to become something more… And Hazel and Gus never really got their happy ending either even not when Hazel Grace seemed to believe they would and they seemed perfect for each other.

I had been living my life without knowing Renie even existed, and accepted the fact that happy endings didn't exist. So we had met, and I believe that we would have our happy ending if we stayed together. Then she had chosen her soccer over me and left- and I had been so angry and stubborn I decided I would make my own happy ending without her.

And now I wasn't so sure….

**Belle POV **

Since Seth hadn't been talking to me anymore walking home in the afternoons was just a sad tradition. One of those that you do because you have to like eat the Brussel sprouts on Christmas or the awkward moment when everyone are singing happy birthday to you and you don't know where to turn or what to do.

I would rather have gotten on a bus or in a car the whole way home to not be constantly remembered of all the times I had walked these ways alone before and then together when Seth moved here and we made friends despite living in two separate parts of the town. But there wasn't exactly a point with riding in a vehicle the three blocks there was between McKinley and my home- I mean, I could even see the school building from my bedroom window.

It wasn't any better the Monday we learned that Charlotte had been in a crash. When Seth stated that maybe times like these would be the time to put differences and conflicts aside to stand together. Even though it might have been a bad time to do that just after we heard about Charlotte a tiny little glimpse of hope was lit inside of me that maybe in all of this it could lead to Seth forgiving me and when he came back to us others I had tried to pat his shoulder.

I hadn't even touched him and barely tried to give my comfort when Seth flinched and looked up at me. And the glare that Seth gave me just said it all- he still didn't want anything to do with me and I moved backwards again and was once again too heartbroken to even listen to what Mr. Blaine said through the rest of the rehearsal.

I just wished I could have taken everything I had done and said back. I had never meant for it to cost me my best friend!

"Bradon is my best friend!" Keagan stated when he and Bradon had walked across the floor and jumped up on the piano to sit in glee club the next day. "He knows everything about me. We've been best friends for as long as I can remember and I couldn't imagine what life would be like without him."

"Keagan is my best friend." Bradon smiled. "He was the first one I came out to. The only one I really felt and knew that he wouldn't have any problems with it. He knows everything about me, every awkward little detail. I have known him forever and I couldn't imagine what life would have been without him. Although I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have been as awesome and as… eventful as it is with him."

"This song we're going to do…" Keagan took over again and Bradon borrowed Mr. Dom's guitar. "It's a song about friendship… and from both of ours guilty pleasure- tv- show. Austin and Ally… And we have been singing it together since it came out and it also goes out to all of you. So… hit it Brady!"

The song was a song I just barely recognized, I might have heard it on TV. We would be watching Austin and Ally every once in a while when dad wasn't home. Mostly because mum thought Dez was cute.

Keagan and Bradon's voices blended well together, along with Bradon's guitar and the parts they would sing I probably wasn't the only one who had chills. And in more than one way I didn't really want the song to end. A little bit because the song was beautiful, but a good bit more because when the song ended it would be my turn to go and I was very, very nervous to do my song.

And so the song ended, the others clapped their hands but I was too far gone into my own thoughts to do it or even notice. And so it was my turn to go out onto the open floor and sing.

I stood up and nodded to Mr. Blaine, he nodded back to give signal that I could go down and I turned towards the open floor and walked out onto the open floor. I handed the right papers to Kayla, Mr. Dom and Mr. Jonas and so the song started with… an intro that didn't sound anything like the original song but hey- music was fun to experiment with… if only the lyrics weren't so perfect and felt so sad!

The song was written from the point of view of someone who had screwed up- like really screwed up! Like screwed up all the way like I had done with Seth. And to the person that she had screwed up with. Admitting that she was wrong and that she just felt lost without that person. Just like I felt with Seth.

But even though I admitted that if this didn't work I wouldn't nag him for forgiveness anymore and simply just give up. Still Seth sat looking into his phone during the whole performance and didn't seem to take notice of me or the lyrics of the song.

That was until I decided to just follow my heart. And right after I ended my song the rehearsal was over. Seth still wasn't looking at me despite the fact that I followed him with my vision the whole way while he put his phone down into his pocket and walked across the floor and into the hallway that was crowded with so many after- school- clubs ending at this time, he didn't even look back at me.

So I decided to just take the chance, it couldn't get any worse than it was right now anyway and without looking to the sides and barely noticing I pushed Christie to the side so hard Mr. Jonas had to grab onto her so she wouldn't hit the floor, I ran out into the hallway and grabbed Seth by the shoulder so I span him around.

"SETH!" My voice sounded louder, angrier and more demanding than what I had planned but I couldn't pause now. "Seth, I know that you heard the lyrics of that song and I know that you know that it was for you I sang it. And I know you're angry with me and that I screwed up really badly but I never meant or wanted to lose you. Seth, you're my best friend. And best friends they… they forgive and stay together even when one of them's screwed up. I know what I did was really bad but… look, before you came here and I met you it just always felt like even if I always had friends and everything there was always a piece missing. And then when you came it felt like… Like I had finally found that missing puzzle piece and now since you're angry with me it just feels like I'm losing you all over again and had to do everything with you being angry with me… and Seth… You're my best friend. I can't do this without you!"

I silent, I didn't know how to continue and was quite sure that I probably shouldn't. The angry expression on Seth's face that had always been there whenever I was around lately was gone. And it had been replaced by something else… sadness? Shame? I couldn't quite decide before Seth had lifted his arm and pulled me close, as if there were no words that could express what he felt he simply just embraced me and held me tight.

I broke down, in the middle of that crowded hallway I just broke down crying towards Seth's shoulder and I could hear him sobbing half- suppressed too. Even though… right now none of us could have cared less.

Right now I could feel in my heart and out the whole way to my fingertips that Seth and I were no longer I and him but simply… Us, them! And even with everything going on there wasn't anything that could have made me feel happier or more relieved.

We were friends again… Belle with Seth and Seth with Belle… And I also felt that that was everything we would ever be and that just felt perfectly right… I was happy as long as forever was still done along with my best friend.

**Esme POV **

"So… that's it… Well I guess I have some whatever- it's called- out- on- whatever- page that I'm looking for a job as a baby- sitter…" I felt a weird gust of nervousness somewhat mixed with happiness inside. "And I really hope no one hears you talking Esme Montague! You are talking to yourself again." I closed the page down and started getting myself ready for school.

I hadn't slept anything tonight! Not much the last week actually. It was how it always was when I scheduled a date with Hayley and then was freaking out until I cancelled it for one reason or another. I had a reason this time too, and it would give me the chance to have all the way until New Year's to think about and decide if I really wanted to be more than friends and if I really was ready for it- because right now it didn't really feel like it.

When I was almost about to leave I looked down on my jeans and hoodie that I had pulled over my knitted shirt. I really wanted winter and early spring to be over like yesterday so I could start wearing dresses again. And so I pulled my bag onto my shoulder and walked down the porch steps and down onto the street towards McKinley.

I kind of hoped that Hayley would be late for school or something today, then there would be another good while since none of us would then have gotten the time to talk until after the first class and I could probably have come up with an excuse to fix so we wouldn't have to talk until lunch time or after glee club and everything.

But of course, when you absolutely want to meet a person it just never happens. When there's someone you kind of or absolutely don't want to meet- it's a whole other story, and as soon as I came into the school building and had stepped to the side for a Freshman who was using roller blades through the hallway along with a shorter, brown- haired boy running after him- I spotted Hayley. I was on my way to turn around and run as fast as I could in the other direction, but he had already seen me too and there was no way I could get away from it now.

"Hayley…" I spoke his name to catch his attention as he always seemed to do when I came anywhere close. "Listen… I know we've got a date scheduled to tomorrow but.. it is a bit much now and soon it's time for sectionals and then it's Christmas and New Year' s and… I really don't want to bite off more than I could chew so maybe we could hold on another while and maybe… either just wait until it happens by itself or maybe schedule another day when things have calmed down a bit… It should be in January some time."

I could see Hayley was disappointed and hurt. And I could see he was fighting away the tears burning behind his eyes. "Whatever you need, Esme. I'll be waiting. Take it at your own pace. We could be friends anyway right?" I nodded. "Then take it in a pace that feels good for yourself." Hayley turned around and I could see his shoulders lower and he started hanging his head when he had walked down most of the hallway and didn't believe I would see him anymore.

It had gone like I had hoped, but still the fact itself that I couldn't just have the guts to go on a freaking date with the sweetest guy I had ever met and that was enough to destroy my morning enough to destroy my whole day. And the whole day I was just trying to avoid Hayley as much as I could- along with Alex Fredericks who right now I wanted to meet even less. And the fact that there was one more in school looking exactly like him made me flinch every time I saw (or thought I saw) Alexander Fredericks.

And it didn't get any better when in glee club Sharon stood up and announced that growing up she had been very best friends with a person in the room. Or when she actually told the others that she was talking about me and that she had a video she wanted to show with the projector in the auditorium and there we went, only to hear Sharon stand and swear about that her phone not working with the projector for good five minutes before anyone came to help her.

"I don't know what is going on." Daniel said at last while pulling up his phone from his pocket. "But I think I know the perfect guy for it. As far as I know he can fix just about everything. He goes here so I'll call and check if he can come here…" Daniel put the phone to his ear and so called whoever he thought could help us with this.

"Judas!" Daniel almost shouted in the phone. "Are you at McKinley? Are you doing something? No? Then get your ass over to the choir room in an instant, we need you here. Sure, bring Pete with you. See ya!" Daniel hung up and looked around at us all kind of staring at him, I bet that none of us had heard Daniel use a language close to that kind before. "What? He's my cousin, we always talk to each other like that. Always have!" I shook my head and turned back to my book, only a second later losing my concentration when everyone in the room could hear footsteps and what sounded like something rolling, and out on the stage came two boys.

One of them was very short and definitely didn't look old enough for high school. He was carrying a backpack loosely on his back as well as the other boy, who was slightly taller and on his feet instead of shoes he had roller blades and he quickly braked and stop the wheels before he had rolled right into the stage equipment. And then I realized these were the same boys that had almost rolled and run into me when I first came into the school building this morning.

"Hello Judas." Daniel ruffled the hair of the short boy. "You see… We need your help. Sharon here wants to play a video with movie and sound with her phone and the projector. But we aren't getting it to work! So I thought you'd be the best to call to help us. Oh and everybody, this is Jude- my cousin. And one guy I don't know who it is, but don't be fooled by his tiny age and size. If you annoy him he could get hacked into the account he wanted for you and start a rumor from your Facebook that you have married Beetlejuice and moved to Romania- or something." Daniel laughed at his own joke but suddenly silent when Jude stood holding up a contact. "Oh…"

"Have you tried putting this in the socket?" Daniel nodded. "How about putting the contact from the power strip into the socket in the wall." Daniel scratched the back of his head. "Dumb-ass!" The older cousin now pretended to get angry and lifted Jude up so he hung upside down. "Oh, you're a smart dumb- ass! Now can you hold me just a little bit to the right and I can reach the socket. Thank you." Jude put the contact into the wall and turned back to Sharon's phone. "Oh and by the way… Daniel- Pete, Pete- Daniel. Okay now you know each other!" The boy with the roller blades nodded to Daniel, while Jude fingered with Sharon's phone. "Okay, that should do it Daniel. Bye Dumb- head."

"Bye you idiot!" And just as the short one and the one with roller blades left the auditorium I heard what must have been that Pete's voice.

"Is that really how you and your cousin talk to each other? Geez Jude. I never heard you use that kind of language to anyone ever before. And then I have been spending more time hanging with you than without you since the start of the school- year.

Now when Sharon's phone was finally plugged in and both sound and picture working Sharon turned the video on and the first thing that showed on the big screen was a huge picture of a clip that had been filmed when I and Sharon were maybe one or two years old and Sharon was crying out loud, while I tried to comfort her and held the teddy bear I had had- Brian, to her as if that would make a difference.

Right then it seemed to make a difference because Sharon hugged Brian tightly and when she held his head to her cheek she silent and calmed down. Well… that was until I grabbed Brian's ear and tried to pull him back and both I and Sharon started screaming- she because I was trying to take Brian back, I because she wouldn't give him back and the bear laid forgotten in between us.

I felt tears starting to burn behind my eyes when one clip after another came up onto the screen that our family-members, mostly my dad had filmed and shot stills of during our… during our whole childhood until last summer.

The song we had recorded in Sharon's aunt's friend's studio- his name was Charlie and we had all met at some birthday party Sharon's aunt Karen had held and I and Sharon had been singing a song- I couldn't remember what right now but Charlie had liked our voices together and such and had let us record two or three songs at his studio.

I felt something clench in my stomach when I watched the video. I had been thinking about this so many times before since she had been sleeping with the boy who was my boyfriend until then. But Sharon was my best friend! She had always been… I couldn't have imagined what life would have been like without her. And now I was facing a life where I was just ignoring her every try to beg for forgiveness not to have to swallow my pride and tell her how I really felt.

In one way I wanted this song and video to last forever. My friendship with Sharon had been like ninety five percent of my whole life and we had so many great memories. Although finding her in bed with Alex Fredericks wasn't one of them. And ever since that time and I was too… well, too proud and too angry and too hurt to just look past it and reunite with my best friend, all the memories just broke my heart all over again.

When the song was over I saw Sharon glance up at me, and everyone seemed to have turned to us. I didn't see no other way to get out of it then to flee. So I got onto my feet and ran up the stairs, through the door and then only stopped quickly by my locker before I ran the whole way home, and despite the cold weather came home soaking and disgusting with sweat.

I couldn't even stand the smell myself so I had to head straight to the showers, but just as I came out and into my room again I saw Brian sitting on the head of my bed by the wall where he always sat and just looked wise with his brown glass- eyes. And I pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a big sweatshirt and sat down on the floor with Brian in my hands in front of me.

"Brian…" I said, my voice almost breaking and could barely finish before my voice broke all and I buried my face and tears in his soft, brown fur. "I really have no idea what I would do without you here"

**Seth POV **

"So what we're gonna do…." Mr. Blaine said directly on the extra glee rehearsal we had on Friday afternoon. "Is now we are going to find a song that would be right to sing to Charlotte now when she's in a coma and after the rehearsal I will get the school's bus pass and we can go with bus to the hospital and sing to her. Does that sound okay?"

"Can I start earlier and just walk to the hospital?" Mr. Blaine didn't seem to get that I was serious because he chuckled and shook his head, told me that he wanted us all to go each other. While Belle clapped my shoulder and I turned back to her.

"Do you like riding by bus as much as you like cars?" She whispered so quietly only I could hear and I leaned closer to her ear so the others wouldn't hear me answering either.

"It's not as bad as car. But I still hate it."

"I hate this! I hate this! I hate this!" The whole first half of the bus ride I sat and repeated the same three words to myself over and over and over again. I sat on the window closest to the window with my head in my hands and for every second that went by I felt more and more nauseas while Belle clapped my shoulder and even though that didn't help much right now I couldn't help to feel kind of happy that I was finally friends with Belle after everything again.

When we finally reached the hospital's bus stop I pushed my way to get past the others and finally, on shaky legs could jump out of the bus I had to literally force vomit down my throat again. God- ten more seconds on that bus and I wouldn't have been able to. Now I could only stand with my eyes closed and not moving one bit from that bus stop for good three minutes until I finally opened my eyes again.

"You alright?" Mr. Blaine asked worriedly. I nodded and he turned towards the entrance of the hospital. "Then come with me…"

We walked into the hospital and up the stairs to the pediatrics. The one for them who would stay with and Mr. Blaine showed something to the receptionist and we could keep on walking to about the middle of the hall and then he showed us into a room where Charlotte laid. Pale and with her eyes closed. Her leg was hanging upwards to hold it stretched and she had a big black eye, next to her sat Mr. Amato and he seemed to wake up from sleeping and turned to us when we came in and nodded. He too had a black eye and several cuts in his face.

"Thank you." Mr. Amato almost whispered to Mr. Blaine before we turned to Charlotte and lined up and then Mr. Blaine started talking to the unconscious one of us in front of us.

"Hello Charlotte. We're here… Finn's army. We're all here… Except we aren't all here… We need to have you awake with us here too because… We can't do it without you and we wanted to show it to you so we decided to do it like this so…" Mr. Blaine sighed and turned to us, then he was just quiet for a short moment.

"So… we had quite a discussion about what to sing to you Charlotte." Mr. Blaine continued at last. "And then Keagan came with the idea that if we'd sing you a ballad you'd probably just… sleep… better. So we needed to sing one more upbeat and fun song. And we all needed cheering up too and everyone kept on doing songs from Austin and Ally so… this is what we came up with to prove to you that even if we might have not done what we should have and getting to know you and everything. You are exactly as important as every part of this glee club and there is nothing we couldn't do without you. So…"

Mr. Blaine started the beat, and we all came along clapping our hands and snapping our fingers. So the lyrics started first with Keagan and Bradon and then with Daniel and I and so Christie and then Sharon and at last Esme before we all sang at the top of our lungs for the refrain and then moved over to duets and solos during the next verse. And despite the reason we were all here I couldn't help but notice that finally all the fourteen (well fifteen with Mr. Blaine if you counted Charlotte) finally seemed to actually be doing a song without any of us being in a bad mood or fighting or just not bonding with the others.

And during the whole thing Charlotte didn't move, not even a little bit- not once. I wasn't so sure if I had expected it, I probably hadn't. I had just hoped that this would become one of those moments you saw in books or on TV when you were finally doing something for a person in a coma and they woke up… But Charlotte didn't move in the slightest. And when we finished the song she was in a coma just as deep as she had been when we started.

"Well…" Keagan couldn't hide the tone of disappointment in his voice. "It was worth a try..."

"I think you should leave now." Mr. Amato had turned so he sat with his back against us. But he couldn't hide the thickness in his voice. "I'm sorry. But I think you should leave." Mr. Blaine nodded to us and handed the card that we all had signed to Mr. Amato. And then everyone started leaving the room.

I still stood with my back against the door facing the bed and Charlotte, but with my hearing I could hear everyone that left and when I had counted to twelve I unwillingly turned around and with my head hanging I left the room before Mr. Blaine let go of the door and followed us all.

"I forgot something upstairs." I said as we came down to the ground floor again. "You can go on without me. I don't live too far away from here so I'll just walk home. Bye, see you on Monday." Before anyone would have had the chance to stop me I turned around and jogged back to the stairs and started walking upwards.

It wasn't true that I'd forgotten something, and I hated lying- wasn't good at it anyway! But I had needed to lie or I wouldn't be able to go back to Charlotte's and I just needed to see her again, I needed to talk to her!

Coming to the reception in the right ward the thought hit me that since I was under eighteen I wouldn't even be able to get into the ward myself. But it was worth a try anyway so I pulled my hoodie off so the receptionist wouldn't recognize me while I tousled my hair a bit and then stretched out my back to look taller and walked in.

When I didn't hear anyone shout to me I breathed out, but to soon. "Hey… kid, you can't be here!" I had just reached the open door to Charlotte's room and Mr. Amato spotted me and when I sent him my most begging eyes he stood up and came to me just as the nurse who had shouted.

"He's with me." Mr. Amato said quickly. "No reason to worry. Come on in kid." Mr. Amato closed the door to the room and we both walked back in while I breathed out.

"Thank you so much Mr. Amato." Just as I had said that the man in question turned to me with a strict look in his eyes and on his face before he started speaking, and the expression only was enough for chills to go down my back in fear.

"Okay kid, I'm letting you come in for one reason and one reason only. I need to get into town and get something. It might take half an hour or so. Can you sit here with Charlotte and keep an eye on if she wakes up until I come back?" I nodded. "Okay, thank you kid." Mr. Amato stood up and headed for the door. And not until he took it I thought about that he might be calling me kid because he didn't know my name.

"It's Seth sir." I turned to him and he stopped by the door. "Seth Phillips." He gave me a failed attempt to smile.

"I'm Ronald. But until you've proven you are good for my daughter, it's still Mr. Amato okay?" He tried to laugh, but it only sounded dry and sad. And so he turned and headed for the hallway while I sat down in the chair that Mr. Amato had just left empty and then I just sat there. All silent for a long while but so I slowly took Charlotte's hand and what I spoke- it wasn't steady in any way, but it was from the heart.

"I know… I know I've messed up with you Charlotte. I wanted to get to know you but I know I should have tried harder and not wasted so much time on everything else but getting to know you. And I'm sorry I didn't, and I'm sorry you were lonely… And I'm sorry… I got an F on getting to know you and everything with and about you I know that but. If you just open your eyes and come back I promise I'll make sure to get an A… If you just come back."

Once again I silent, and then sat there for good ten minutes without saying a word. And so I started humming, I had heard a cover of a song I liked and had heard a lot when I was younger a while ago. And even though the lyrics in the original and this slow, acoustic version were exactly the same I couldn't help but just feel that this version was just so, so much better than what the original version could have been in a situation like this.

"…Because you're there for me too." When I sang through the last line my voice broke. And then at last the tears came- and how they came. My cheeks went from all dry to soaking in what felt like jus a second and I laid my head down onto the side of the bed and the soft blanket. And crying harder and louder than what I had done in years I just let the tears still fall down onto the soft blanket.

Then suddenly I felt a move in Charlotte's hand towards mine, and I shot up. Had I imagined it? Wanted it so badly that I felt it? It couldn't have been! Because so I could both feel, hear and see her move again and I flew up onto my feet and jumped over to the button for the emergency alarm. I must have been pushing it at least a thousand times before a nurse finally came running and closely after followed Mr. Amato with a wrapped present in his hands.

"Move." The nurse pushed me away and looked down on Charlotte who had now tiredly opened her eyes. "Hello sweetie. No, no. Don't try to talk you've got a tube down your throat. As soon as the doctor comes we'll remove it. I'll only need to check your vital signs first." The nurse looked up on the monitor where she could see Charlotte's pulse and everything. "Everything looks good sweetie. I'll go get the doctor."

"Hello darling." Mr. Amato stepped over to Charlotte's bed when the nurse moved. "Do you remember what happened?" Charlotte shook her head slightly. "We had a crash. I'm okay but you hit your head and leg. And you've been in a coma since Sunday, now is Friday and…" Mr. Amato held the present to her. "Happy birthday love."

Charlotte took the present but glared up at her dad who chuckled. But it was somewhere in between a chuckle and a sob and I nodded to Charlotte and wished her happy birthday too before I as silently as I could left the room just as the doctor came walking in. Right now they would need this moment to themselves.

They would do better without me anyway!

**So… Charlotte's been in a coma and they seem to understand how important she is to the glee club. Martina's ex-girlfriend has started on McKinley and Martina doesn't want to see her. Seth and Belle are friends again. Esme and Hayley won't go on a date just yet and Sharon and Esme are still not talking to each other. Seth hates going by bus or cars and they were all singing to Charlotte and now he's promised her and himself he'll do better with her after she's woken up which she has. But there's something wrong with her leg. Well this was emotional! **

**Renie is portrayed by JoJo and is written between me and Riana Salvatore. Jude is sent in by GleeJunkie007 and is portrayed by Daniel Seavey. Pete is written between me and GleeJunkie007 and is portrayed by Hayden Byerly. Ronald Amato is portrayed by Eric Dane. **

**Playlist  
Keagan/ Bradon- You can come to me- Ross Lynch and Laura Marano  
Belle- Lost without you- Delta Goodrem  
Sharon/ Esme- Me and You- Laura Marano  
Group song- Can't do it without you- Ross Lynch  
Seth- I'll be there for you- Boyce Avenue Cover (Originally the Rembrandts) **

**Random fact **

The getting an F but make sure he gets an A thing that Seth says is taken from a storyline in 'holby city' where Elliot Hope is talking to his daughter Martha (Who is in a coma) and tells her that he's been getting an F in doing right for her and James (Martha's brother and Elliot's son). But if she just wakes up he'll make sure to get an A.


	23. Barely breathing

**New polyvores  
-Edit with each outfit for Charlotte and Seth  
-Edit for Wilhelmina Hughes. As Wil's name in the ending turned out to be YAY.  
-Edit for Nick Hughes- one of Wil's brothers. Character and edit made by GleeJunkie007  
-Outfits for sectionals, including photos of everybody. (I realized that dress was navy- colored and not black like I thought at first. So can we just act like it actually is black? Thank you)  
-Edit with outfits for Dakota, Benjamin and Esme **

**I am so, so sorry for not updating in over a month. First I was waiting for more applies for Wil, because I thought I would bring her into this chapter. Which I am now probably not going to do. And instead bring her into in the chapter before sectionals. Then I was trying to work on other stories, and honestly life has been totally upside down lately. So… If you wonder about anything about this story or whatever just ask and, enjoy the new chapter.**

**A PART OF THIS CHAPTER HAVE GOT SOME SPOILERS FOR THE FIFTH, SIXTH AND SEVENTH HARRY POTTER BOOKS. I WILL MARK IT BEFORE AND AFTER SO IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW A FEW OF THOSE WHO DIES IN THOSE BOOKS YOU CAN JUST SCROLL UNTIL THE MARKING AFTER IT.**

**Bradon POV**

_I'd like you all to meet me in the choir room after lunch today. I'll talk to your teachers so you won't be getting in trouble. I'm sorry I can't take it after school instead. I'll find a way to do this so you won't have to miss lessons. Please be there anyway. I'll make sure Benjamin knows too._

_-Mr. Blaine_

I looked up from my phone and Facebook, I had had some of the school's strictest teachers the whole of Monday morning and forenoon and therefore not had the chance to check why my phone had beeped in the middle of math class until the lunch break that I was going to spend in the Swedish- classes classroom in the basement of the school. Since Miss Gran- the Swedish teacher had asked us all to be there to once again, like she would every once in a while get to try some whatever Swedish thing.

I checked the time. Most of my lunch break had been spent in the library after Mr. Jacobson at my lesson had noticed me trying to check my phone and given me detention, now I could finally throw my math books into my locker. Grab a string folder with some sheet music and pressed them down into my backpack and then threw my locker closed and hurried through the hallway, down the stairs and through another hallway before I ripped the door to the right classroom opened and every person in the room turned to stare to me when I finally came into the classroom.

"I…." I had to stop for a moment to catch my breath and felt the panic come creeping when I felt the usual tightness in my throat and chest of an asthma attack coming up, and I had to lay a hand on a bench to keep my balance when I started coughing. Miss Gran rushed over and I could tell she was worried while I made sure that I could get air both in and out in the right way before continuing.

"It's okay." I cleared my throat. "False alarm. Ehrm… Förlåt att jag är sen." Miss Gran smiled when it seemed like I had gotten the apology for being late in Swedish all right. "Ehrm. I need to be in the choir room in less than ten minutes so." I glanced over the desks in the front that seemed to be covered in plates with pancakes, a couple of red solo cup's with milk and small bowls with some kind of jam. "Hmmm… what's this?"

"I was just going to tell. In Sweden there's a little battle going on. Either you think these round things you make in a pan is called pannkakor. And then you think what you make of the same things but made in the over are called ugnspannkaka. And the things that are like these but small are called plättar. Or you think that this is called plättar, the small ones småplättar, and the ones made in the oven pannkaka. And the Swedish population never agrees on which one is right. Brady's no one's gonna take that food from you. You don't have to eat so fast."

"I've got glee club in like five minutes." I checked my watch. "Sorry, I'm just going to eat and then go. But this is really good." I stuffed my mouth full with whatever it was called and jam again. "What's this jam?"

"Lingonberries. And yes, Swedes do eat Lingonberry jam to everything- black pudding, oatmeal, meat balls, pancakes like these or the ones in the oven and yeah… you name it." Miss Gran- who would know, she had only moved to America from Sweden a few years ago but spoke English almost without any accent. "And if anyone wonders, I think these are plättar, the ones you made in the oven pannkaka and the small ones småplättar. And you make them off eggs, milk, flour, butter and just a tiny bit of salt. Okay, you're going now." I had realized my clock was showing wrong and in fact it was like ten seconds until glee club started so I only threw the plastic plate and mug in the trash and then ran out of the room, through the hallway, up the stairs and then through the whole school. Not even giving my breath a second thought as I was running until I threw the door to the choir room open, ran inside and slumped down on the piano chair and tried to catch my breath. And it was then I realized I couldn't.

"Bradon." I was trying to concentrate on being able to catch my breath, but was still vaguely aware of that it was Keagan talking to me and that he came running. "Oh dear. Give me your bag." I tried protesting, I could work through this myself. "No protests. Give me your damn bag." Without another word Keagan ripped my backpack down my arm and lifted it up and unzipped the front pocket right before reaching into it, getting up my inhaler and shook it. "I can't believe you didn't do this earlier. Open up." I barely opened my mouth and he pushed my inhaler in between my lips so there wouldn't be a chance for me to get away from it. I had a bad habit with denying an asthma attack and refuse to take my meds to just work it through myself.

Keagan knew this and he also knew that holding the inhaler into my mouth like this would get us to a point where I didn't have any other choice then to breathe in and get my medicine and this was far from the first time he had done it. As soon as I had breathed in he let go of the inhaler and I dropped it and caught it with my hand down below to just wait a moment and see if once was enough for my breathing to return to normal.

"You okay?" Keagan asked and I nodded heavily and held my head lowered, but still felt the fifteen pairs of eyes-Keagan's, the rest of the glee club's and including Mr. Blaine and Mady had turned to me and were looking at me worriedly. Okay maybe not Lea- Marie then, she seemed to know what was going on and I knew I had seen her with an inhaler a few times so I guess she did.

I tried to clear my throat, but it only sent me into another attack of coughing and ignoring Keagan's winks to use the inhaler I mostly just concentrated on trying to get air in but in between some coughing I managed to get a few words out in form of a line from a song I liked.

"It's okay… cause… I… I am… barely… breathing." Keagan sighed and rolled his eyes at me, he didn't seem all too worried. Must have understood if I could joke like that this attack wasn't anything to worry about and he jokingly slapped the back of my head with his palm. I coughed again and for the next few moments I barely knew where the others were since I put all my concentration into getting my breath back and not until I knew I had it I looked up again and realized the room was empty except for me, Keagan and Mr. Blaine- who was now the only one who worriedly looked to me.

"It's okay." I said quite hoarsely and coughed again. "Eh…. Disgusting." I pulled some tissues out of my bag and wiped away the phlegm I had coughed up. "Excuse me. God I hate this. Where did the others go?" Mr. Blaine nodded to the door while I stood up and went to get them, it seemed that he had understood my feeling of shame when everyone seemed so worried and just forced them out of the room.

"You can come in again now. Sorry I scared you all like that. Oh, hey Mads." Instead of just going into the choir room Mady hugged me tightly and I gently ruffled in her hair a bit before Benjamin more or less pulled her away for me. "It's okay. I didn't mean to scare any of you. Especially not you Mad. Now just go into the room, hey. Why is she here? It's only lunch time." I turned to Benjamin

"About from now and once or twice every month the teachers and other staff on Mady's school will have this day where they plan different things and such. So she doesn't have any school today and mum worked late last night, today needs to sleep and then in the afternoon she's going back to work so Mady can't stay home with her. And Brady, the guy who's renting the room at ours got his college so… end of story! Sorry I didn't mean to tell you exactly everything." I waved his apology off to show it didn't matter. "Now, there's no need to be so afraid Mads, you get asthma attacks too don't you?" I didn't hear what Mady answered because suddenly I was pulled into a ribs- crushing hug by Martina.

"Bubba!" she hugged me tightly. "I was so worried about you. Don't scare me like that again."

"I'm sorry Marti." I croaked. "But you don't need to break all of my ribs. I… can't … breathe!" I seemed overly dramatic when Martina let go off me and loudly breathed in as far as I could by now. "Thank you… What are you doing?" Daniel had stopped right by us and Martina held out her hand and gestured for him for money. Daniel chuckled and put a couple of dollars in her hand.

"Almost cheating Marti. But let's go for this then." He chuckled again and returned to his spot in the chairs while Martina pushed the money into her pocket and turned to me- I was mostly confused and she seemed to understand because she explained to me what she and Daniel were doing.

"I and Daniel did for some reason start doing bets. This bet was to hug a person- a stranger actually but I don't really know you but… anyway, hug him and say what I just told you. Now I'm going to think about a nice bet for Daniel. Any ideas?" I laughed slightly and shook my head. "Oh damn, then I'll just need to think about something." I and Martina went to our spots and I sat down next to Keagan while she sat down next to Daniel and everyone turned to Mr. Blaine who started talking.

"So… now when everyone are breathing again. I have had some contact with Mr. Amato and he told me that Charlotte should be out of hospital by the end of this week and back in school as fast as she feels like herself. And also, as you might remember I told when Bradon came up with calling the glee club Finn's army that he'd get to decide the theme for one week. So, I guess that week has come. Any ideas Bradon?"

"Ehrm…" It was kind of sudden and I hadn't even been thinking about it for months so it took me a while to understand even what was going on and what Mr. Blaine was asking of me. "Ehrm… After all that I guess… Since this glee club started I guess we've had quite a few very… serious and sad songs and themes. So I and Keagan were talking and thinking…."

"Uh oh." Martina started. "Mr. Blaine, you do know if Bradon and Keagan have been talking and thinking. You know we might just as well be stuck for the rest of the week singing about bugs or snake- songs like the one Keagan did with some snake who fell in love with a hose before Halloween. What I'm trying to say is- It will never end up well!" Mr. Blaine smiled and jumped up to sit on the piano, then gestured for me to go on.

"Anyway… hahaha. Marti, very funny." I stated ironically, while Miss Kessler herself laughed and high- fived with Mr. Daniel Vincent. "Anyway, we came up with this thing that I guess could be fun. And it's just totally random so it's absolutely no meaning with it actually… but splitting into two groups- one with twilight fans, and one with Harry Potter fans. And then the twilight fans do songs that suit the twilight story, and the Harry Potter fans sing songs that would suit the Harry Potter story- or songs from the very Potter musical, or Potter puppet pals. Or something like that." Mr. Blaine stroke his chin and for a moment I was afraid that he'd say no- only because I and Keagan had thought about a song that we had then gotten Seth and Jasper too and planned to do it in glee if we ever got the chance and it was something that we had just thought would be loads of fun.

"That actually sounds good. So," Mr. Blaine pointed-. "If you choose Harry Potter over twilight you go over there. And if you choose twilight over Harry Potter get over there." I more or less jumped onto my feet and got to my left along with Keagan and the Harry Potter group. While Esme, Lea- Marie and Martina got to the right and Daniel stood a bit in between and glanced to yet one side yet the other.

"Daniel…" Martina teased him, Daniel looked yet another time to our Harry Potter group. Then he mumbled something about 'guilty pleasure' before he slowly- dragging his feet across the floor over to the group with twilight fans. Martina held up a hand for him to high- five but Daniel only seemed grumpy and embarrassed- obviously he had not been wanting to let this much people- or anybody know about the fact that he was a fan of twilight.

Mr. Blaine stayed in between the groups and seemed mildly amused by the groups before he at last trod over to our Harry- Potter- group and looked towards the group of four that made and shook with silent laughter glancing over our group that included eight soldiers, himself and our little mascot Mady who sat on Benjamin's hip.

"So… is there anyone who's got a song to do today?" Mr. Blaine glanced over all of Finn's army and I looked back towards Keagan, who looked to Jasper who looked to Seth who looked to me and then we all nodded. "Sure your voice will hold today Bradon?" I glared at him- I hated people fussing over me like that. And I didn't need yet one more person doing it. Then I nodded and the others went to sit down while I and the others only got in one short line over the open floor.

The first part, kind of the introduction to the song we did all four together. Then I did the first book, Seth the second, Jasper the third and Keagan the fourth. Then for the fifth book it started with me singing and then we built up tension with Jasper joining first, then Keagan and at last Seth. And then Seth started the sixth book, Keagan joint, then Jasper and then I did until the boys turned their backs against the rest of the glee club and then I sang the very last part with an as low tone as I could to build up as much tension as possible.

"That was awesome." Mr. Blaine jumped onto his feet and clapped his hands, came down onto the floor and laid one of his arms around my shoulders. "Damn it Bradon, if that's how your voice sounds when you've been barely breathing you should do the barely breathing part a bit more often." He chuckled at his own bad joke. "I'm just kidding Brady. I wouldn't want that for you and you know it. Anyone else?" And just as he stopped talking someone shouted.

**Dakota POV**

**AFTER THIS COME SOME MAJOR HARRY- POTTER SPOILERS**

"SIRIUS BLACK DIES?" Mady shouted with tears in her voice, and then spoke again with as many tears in her voice but quieter. "And Dumbledore dies too?" She looked around and I don't think anyone wanted to be cruel enough to tell her the actual answers. "We are only on the fourth book." Mady snuggled closer to her brother.

"Do you know what Mads?" Mr. Blaine started to get Mady's thoughts of everyone who died in the last few Harry- Potter- books. "I just got a call from the boss at sectionals that will be held in December. And got the theme for this year's competitions and everything. And do you know what I think would be perfect for this theme?" Mady shook her head sadly. "Do you know these rainbow- bracelets you have made for me and Kurt and Benjamin and yourself?" Mady nodded. "How about, you make one for each and every person in this room, and Charlotte of course who isn't here right now. And we all wear them at sectionals?"

Mady lit up and nodded without hesitating. "I'm gonna make the one for Charlotte first" She said. "That'll make her happy." She reached down to her backpack standing by the chair and pulled up the loom and the bands that she was always carrying around and started right away, while we all pulled a relieved breath and mentally thanked Mr. Blaine for getting Mady's thoughts away from death at least this time, if we only had remembered it at the day after and Tuesday too… well, I guess that could have prevented some things from happening.

"So which death in Harry Potter and the deathly hallows did you think was the saddest Dakota? Or let me change that. Which death of all of there were in the last Harry Potter book- or- movie did make you cry like a little baby?" I just glared at Keagan- who was asking everyone the same question it seemed. "Don't do crying?" He chuckled shortly. "Yeah. Sure!"

Keagan turned to Martina who even though she had chosen team twilight all the way had told she had actually seen the Harry Potter movies at least. "I don't know…" She told Keagan. "Lupin and Tonks were really sad… But oh My God! I cried like a baby when Dobby…You see?" Martina had gotten a bit teary-eyed and now pushed away her fringe from her face to be able to dry the tears. "God, I can't even talk about it without starting to bawl. Dobby's death was so, so, so, so sad. It would take a heart of stone not to bawl at that one."

"Martina…" Daniel said behind and right by . "I think somebody more than we would like just heard you." I turned to Daniel to see where he looked and then looked towards the door where Benjamin stood with his hands on no one else's than his sister's shoulders. And Mady had a look on her face that just told us all that she had heard everything of what Martina just said- and this was so much worse than Sirius Black or Albus Dumbledore.

"DOBBY DIED TOO?" She shouted loudly and tears were rising in her eyes. "No… No, not Dobby." She sunk down onto the floor and continued doing so until she laid on her stomach with her face buried behind her arms crossed in front of her and crying while Benjamin seemed at loss of knowing what to do and desperately looked to us others for help.

**THE SPOILERS ARE NOW DONE. IF YOU DON'T WANT SPOILERS YOU CAN JUST READ THE REST OF THE CHAPTER**

"What's going on?" Mr. Blaine came into the room, right away finding Benjamin right inside the door and knowing Ben had his hands full he looked to us and searched his pockets before he pulled up a pack of tissues that he handed to Benjamin. "What happened to Mady?" He walked over the floor until he stood right in front of us and none of us could fail to notice he was glancing at Lea- Marie.

"I didn't do anything." Lea- Marie protested before Mr. Blaine had even had the time to do anything. And even though she had kept unusually quiet to be her since we came back from the mid- term- holidays, she must be in a bad and talkative mood or something. "I haven't done anything this time Mr. Blaine. It's just she who's being a spoiled little kid who can't take any kind of bad news"

"HEY." Mr. Blaine interrupted Lea angrily before Martina had had the time to explain what she had said. "I let you come back to the glee club without apologizing to the Heedie's after everything that was going on you. But there's a line and you are still very, very close to it and if you get as much as a tiny little bit past it you are out of Finn's army until further notice again. Get it?" Lea- Marie didn't answer but crossed her mind and looked away from Mr. Blaine grumpily.

"This one was my fault Mr. Blaine." Martina said just as Mr. Blaine seemed like he was going to say something else and the siblings Ashton- Cooper came through the door, they glanced to Mady but Jonas said something to the others and they just moved past the sibling- Heedie's and Kayla sat down by the piano and Mr. Jonas and Mr. Dom on each chair by the drums by the wall. Maybe it was the fact that they had each other that had made them understand that right now Mady and Benjie probably needed to talk on their own and everything we others could do was wait.

"Benjie." With swollen eyes and tear- stained cheeks Mady at last lifted her head from her arm and looked up at her brother, and used exactly the name for him that would have him wrapped around her finger quicker than anything else. "When you read the rest of the books, will you change the part where he dies then? So he doesn't die? Will you do that for me?" Benjamin nodded and pulled up a tissue from the pack Mr. Blaine had given him to dry Mady's tears. "Thank you Benjie." Mady hugged her brother tightly and then let herself be supported while getting onto her feet and walked to her usual spot in the chairs and Benjamin sat down next to her and put his longboard and Mady's princess- printed backpack on the floor in between them.

"Okay." Mr. Blaine stood up and started talking to the whole glee club again. "From now on we quit this with discussing who dies and no songs in which it tells who dies in the Harry Potter books are allowed either. So, everybody gets it? Okay, then I guess… I know several of you have been planning songs so I guess I'll just let you get back to them." I turned to my side to find Benjamin as he and I had been planning one song, but he was still trying to comfort Mady so I spent the closest while listening to the other groups.

"But you Daniel needs to play Edward. And then we need one to be Jacob…"

"I'll be Bella." Lea- Marie interrupted Martina talking. But Martina thought in whole other tracks then her Italian… project- colleague and started saying something.

"But Jacob have got tanned skin and dark hair. And you are the only one in the group that have that. Esme on the other hand looks more like Bella." Daniel said, and I had never actually heard Daniel sounding so… kind of demanding and forced before. It was like he didn't want to be put in a fake- couple where Lea- Marie would be his other half. Well, he had always seemed kind of troubled when Lea- Marie was always nagging him for attention in a way she seemed to think was discreetly.

"Yes, Lea. You need to be Jacob." Martina continued. "And don't get me wrong. But if I were you I would stay pretty low with making the protests for another little while." I glanced at Lea- if she took Martina's advice right now she'd stay quiet. And she did, only if glares could kill Martina would have dropped dead down in front of her.

I turned to Benjamin who could finally turn his attention somewhere else than on Mady. Well, it wasn't that Mady annoyed me in any way. Everybody in here loved her to bits and so did I. It was just that sometimes it could be nicer if I and Benjamin could get at least a little while when she wasn't alone and I would be able to maybe for a little while to not hide what I was really feeling for him.

Not that I would though! I was Dakota Lopez and Dakota Lopez didn't show his feelings. Not during any circumstances he does. It was just that… as soon as Benjamin was around my heart was beating so hard it could jump right out of my chest and I couldn't even catch my breath. And then when he wasn't there the whole world seemed to have gone all grey as if he was the one that painted all the colors whenever he was there.

I shook my head, God Dakota! I know you are obviously poetic since you write poems and songlyrics. But this is a little over- the- top don't you think? To get my mind off all of what Benjamin made me feel. And also the urge to just kiss him there and then I started discussing the song we had been thinking about doing for this week's theme since it just seemed perfect for the plot in the last one of the Harry Potter books and the battle at Hogwarts.

Being only two to discuss the song and how we were going to do it- and also the fact that we both knew the full lyrics since before. We were done faster than the others and already half an hour later we stood on the stage in the auditorium and Mr. Dom stood and played the guitar to get the intro to it until we started.

I and Benjamin both loved this song, but it didn't make it any easier to sing. We had cut out parts of it since it was so long but towards the end of the song there were some notes so high we literally almost had to scream to get up in the right tones without being sharp. At last, I just waited while Benjamin had the very last line- which wasn't just as high as the ones right before and then the song ended and the others seemed kind of… was it impressed? While we turned the microphones off and waited for their reviews.

"That was so awesome." Martina stated after several seconds of silence. "Like… I didn't even know there were notes as high as some of them you just reached." She scratched her head seemingly kind of confused. "Just wow." Several of the others nodded agreeing. "ONE MORE TIME. ONE MORE TIME. ONE MORE TIME." She started clapping her hands in rhythm with the words and several ones of the others went along with her.

"GUYS." Benjamin shouted at last to get them to be quiet. "I'm sorry. I'd do it again but I've got to get to the tire shop and work. So… not today yeah?" Mady can you take your bag and my longboard and come with me? It's time to go." Mady got the disappointed and sad look she got whenever she had to leave the glee club or something else she liked. "I'm sorry Mads. But we need to live. You're going to Carole's and I'm going to work. Let's race to the parking lot okay? I don't think you can get there as fast as me if." Mady's expression lit up again and she ran out of the room and down the hallway while Benjamin could do nothing else than follow after her and Mr. Blaine dismissed the glee club for today and I ran out of the choir room and down the hallway trying to catch up with Benjamin.

I found him outside the main entrance where he sat on a bench by the door with Mady on his lap and she seemed out of breath and scared while Benjamin had an inhaler in one hand and was rubbing Mady's back with the other. "I shouldn't have made her run." He mumbled to me. "She's got a cold and that's when her asthma gets worse. Are you okay now Mads?" Mady nodded and Benjamin moved his hands from her back to lift her down from his own lap and then took her hand. "Okay, let's just walk slowly to the bus stop then okay?" Mady nodded and her breathing got slower I heard while we were walking towards the bus stop. "You know you don't have to come with us Kota. We'll do on our own too."

"It's okay" I said, trying not to sound way too enthusiastic or hopeful. "You know the tire shop is only a few blocks away from where I live." He nodded and smiled slightly, and I couldn't ever have put in words how I was feeling when he smiled at me like that. How my heart would beat and my knees went weak, how I got warm but at the same time cold and all tingly inside.

And how I couldn't even catch my breath.

**Sharon POV **

"I don't get why we're doing this now and not when there were those major sales last Sunday." I told my mum sitting in the car on the way to the mall early Wednesday afternoon. "Or why we couldn't do this later and after school and I wouldn't have to miss class and you wouldn't have to miss work. Or why we couldn't do this later when I actually need maternity clothes." Mum silent at first and steered into the parking lot in front of the mall before she answered.

"I don't want to do this after work and school or in the weekend because I know that then there are loads of people that will stare out you because they'll see you're a pregnant girl who should be way too young to be a mum yet. And I don't want to have you dealing with that so then it's better to go when there aren't as many people in the mall. And there were loads of people at the mall last Sunday so that wouldn't have helped anyone and believe me. It will only be a minute until you need those maternity clothes so we might as well start buying them now."

I nodded silently and got myself out of the car, but chose to do it slowly as mum went to pay for the ticket and I didn't want to stand out in the cold for the whole while, while mum got back to the car from the whole long way from the other side of the parking lot to leave the parking ticket in the window and then we headed into the mall.

All the time I kept my hands in my jacket pockets on my sides and tried to press the front of the jacket as much forward as possible not to show the whole town of Lima that I was pregnant. And this was just another one of those moments when I wondered how on earth I had let myself get into this mess- everyone on McKinley high that had been invited to the triplets Fredericks' party that Friday, July the seventh. And since I was Esme's best friend and she was then together with Alex I had been invited to come with her there.

That Alex, Haiden and Ben had a party that even I was invited to had just seemed too cool to be true as I had just finished my freshman year and wasn't anywhere close to be anywhere in the 'cool- radar' at McKinley. School had ended June Friday the 23d and Monday July the third, a week and a half later it had gotten out a bit of anywhere and everywhere that the whole night from Friday the seventh, to Saturday the eighth there would be a party at the coolest house in the whole freaking town of Lima.

And never could I have guessed that now, eighteen weeks and five days after that party. I wouldn't have been speaking with my all- time- best- friend Esme since before then. I would be messed up and would have no idea about either myself or anything else while wishing that that party had never happened.

"Sharon? Are you okay? Breathe honey. Breathe." I shook my head, and realized I was hyperventilating so while mum was rubbing my back and one stranger after the other walking by and staring at me and down at my belly to then stare up at my face again passed I took deep, slow breaths and imagined- and wished that I was somewhere completely different where I didn't have these, or any problems at all.

I nodded at last to show to mum that I was okay again and with her arm around my shoulders to give her support and comfort and also, like she had told me before. Be able to see those who looked weirdly at me and just glare at them better than what I could because of my insecurity around all of this. And I just hoped that mum knew how grateful I was because of everything she was doing for me.

I wasn't actually a big fan of trying out clothes, but it was unbelievably nice right now as it gave me a break from everyone staring at me and finally gave me some breathing space in between using usual sweatpants that were starting to fit too tight by now. And it also gave me some space where there weren't hundreds of strangers looking at me, looking at my belly and then looking at me again as if they were unsure if I was too young or not and wanted to double- check.

"Ugh" Five shirts, two pairs of shorts, three pairs of pants, a major meal at Breadstix and one car- ride later I put the bag in the sofa by me and slumped down in the living room at home and put my feet up at the table. "I am so tired. But at least I do have some maternity clothes now. Maybe…" I looked up at mum who looked kind of distressed looking down at me from where she stood and then came and sat down next to me.

"What?"

"Maybe I should start wearing them… I know I can't wear shorts or anything at this time of year but… To just wear them at home. While I wear my usual clothes as long as possible while at school and out at town. Not that I'll be going out to town much before all of this is over though. God, why can't people just mind their own business and stop staring?"

"I could ask you the same thing." Mum played with my short, red hair. "I could ask you the same thing." She stopped playing with my hair and leaned her head against my shoulder. I was a good bit taller than her and could then lean my head to the side and against her head. "Have you talked anymore to your dad yet?"

I had wanted to tell dad about the pregnancy eye to eye and so during the mid- term- holidays I had gone with mum to California and where we used to live until when I was ten and mum and dad divorced. Then I and mum had moved to Lima to be closer to my aunt Karen and there we had stayed Dad had taken the news better than I thought than I would but he had been talking about for years to move to Lima to be closer to me, and now it seemed like he was making reality of it at last.

"Yes. He's on his way of finding a flat in Lima." I told mum. "He wasn't so sure though. He told me to tell you that there's a risk that he might have to live here for a couple of weeks. A month or two at the most." Mum nodded and took my hand tightly in hers. "I know dad and you have been fighting loads before we moved to Lima and everything. But if dad has to live here. Can't you just accept it and try to get along." I looked up at her and right into her eyes. "For me?"

"For you I would do anything. And you know that Shar. But I will tell your dad to try and not let that happen so he has to stay here. And even though he does I know that when we have spent time together earlier you've been trying to get us back together but now you're old enough to know that that ain't going to happen. Okay?" I nodded.

"I won't try to bring you back together. But if you and him comes to see us at sectionals I might try to put you together with Keagan's dad. Or Martina's." Mum sighed and shook her head. "Martina's dad is an old baseball player you know. Fit and everything." Mum just pushed my shoulder and blushed and I laughed.

"No chance Sharon. And if you do that then I won't come to sectionals at all." I smirked and lied my head down towards hers again. I knew she'd come anyway. "So what's the theme for sectionals this year? They usually have a theme every year and even without my daughter in a glee club it's usually always as exciting to find out what."

"We don't know yet. But this week's theme is Harry Potter fans and songs vs. Twilight fans and songs. And the four of the soldiers who are on team twilight were talking about what role from twilight they should be doing their song. They're obviously only doing one since they're so few and we're doing several Harry Potter songs. But it's going to be nice to see what they come up with."

"So this is what we came up with." Esme said standing with the twilight group in the auditorium the next day. "I play Bella, Martina plays Jessica. Daniel plays Edward and Lea- Marie plays Jacob. And so… I guess we'll just get to starting then." Esme joined the group, and the music sounded loud when they all sang the first line at the top of their lungs and then it came through the loudspeakers as well.

With the song, that seemed perfect for twilight- from what I had heard of it. Not that I had actually read twilight. They had done some play with Martina slash Jessica showing Edward slash Daniel to Esme slash Bella. And then Jacob slash Lea.- Marie watching with a jealous look in her eyes. I'd never heard the song before, and I hated twilight. The song was pretty good, but the play I wasn't so sure.

"So that's it." Esme stated when the song was over. "What are you doing Mr. Blaine?" Mr. Blaine had almost stuck down his whole head in his bag and was looking for something in it.

"I'm trying to find some papers with the lyrics to the next song. You just keep on talking and I'll find them. Great number by the way." I couldn't quite tell if Mr. Blaine had been more impressed with the act than what I had. But chose to just let it go and take part of the conversations instead.

"So, since we can't discuss who dies in Harry Potter. Are you team Edward or team Jacob?" Daniel asked and looked around. "Or is there someone who is for something else than team Edward or Jacob.

"Team Alice." Martina stated and Daniel laughed and shrugged. "Why not because it would be disgusting with two females?" Daniel was quick with reassuring her that so wasn't the case he had just never thought about it before. "Okay, so what are you others."

At last it turned out everyone except for I, Daniel, Bradon and Mr. Blaine were team Jacob. Not that I understood being team Jacob though since Edward was and would always be the one Bella had actually ended up with. Even Mady were team Jacob even though she didn't know anything about twilight- but she just thought Jacob was a nicer name than Edward.

"Is there anyone named Benjamin in twilight." Daniel thought about it quickly and nodded. "Cool! What does he do?" She gave her brother Benjamin a shining smile. And Daniel thought for a bit, but before he had remembered Martina had.

"Benjamin is a super- cool guy who can control water, fire, earth and air. And he is cute. And he's SO COOL!" Madison laughed slightly. And then Mr. Blaine finally found the right papers from his bag and started handing them out.

"So, we'll do this song. I've cut out that part with Goyle and Neville since in the version I've always listened to that didn't exit and the song is too long anyway. So first of all we need a Harry Potter. Who wants to be Harry Potter today?" I turned to look at Mr. Blaine. If the others saw what I saw…

"You should totally be Harry Potter Mr. Blaine." Dakota stated as if he had read my thoughts. "I mean come on, you even have those ugly, black nerd- glasses." Mr. Blaine grimaced at Dakota but didn't seem touched by the fact that Dakota had called his glasses ugly. Not that it would matter anyway, he had told us there were only window- glasses in them and if he didn't like them he could have just took them off.

"Ehrm." Mr. Blaine hesitated. "I don't know. This is about you Dakota and all of you. And not about me. Hmm… You could also borrow my so ugly, nerd- glasses and then you could be Harry Potter. You've got the right hair color. And you're probably the shortest one of the guys."

"Dakota's right." Martina agreed. "You need to be Harry Potter. MR. BLAINE. MR. BLAINE. MR. BLAINE." She started clapping in rhythm with the words and several of the others went along with her. I just wasn't in the mood and just silently sat all slumped in my chair and looked to Blaine who was trying to calm them down. Which turned out to be even harder than he thought when he realized both Mr. Dom, Mr. Jonas and Kayla had went along too.

"OKAY. OKAY." He shouted at last. And held up both of his hands to silent everybody. "I'll be Harry. But then I want you all to listen to me about the rest of the roles. "Sharon, you'll be Ron. Esme, Hermione. Daniel, Cedric. Martina. Dumbledore. Christie, Ginny. Benjamin, Malfoy. Belle, Cho Chang and Lea- Marie as Lavender Brown. Keagan, Neville and Seth and Bradon as Crabbe and Goyle. So Dakota, unless you agree with me that you should just borrow my glasses and be Harry you're going to be the only soldier not having a part in this song." Dakota hesitated.

"Fine then I'll be Harry." He stated at last and I swore under my breath. Wasn't it clear that Mr. Blaine would be totally perfect for Harry. He even looked totally like the guy in the musical playing Harry- and this song was from the musical. "But, you are so playing Harry and then I'm choosing what song you'll have to do." Mr. Blaine chuckled shortly but seemed to go along with that as well as the others in the room who wanted him to be Harry, and then it was time to start rehearsing that ten- minutes- long- song.

It took most part of an hour for everyone to learn their lines of the song, and then we were all getting into the right clothes and getting each plastic wand. Somehow Mr. Blaine had managed to fix grey sweaters and ties in the right Hogwarts- house's colors for all of us who played Hogwarts students and a fake- white- beard and huge purple robes for Martina who was Dumbledore. And Benjamin, Seth and Bradon got ties in green and silver. Dakota, I, Esme, Christie, Lea- Marie and Keagan had with red and gold. Daniel in orange- ish yellow and black and at last Belle in blue and bronze.

Before I got my shirt and tie on I looked down on my belly. I wasn't wearing the maternity clothes yet but everyone knew I was pregnant anyway. So with that thought in mine and being in a rush this morning I had stupidly enough grabbed a tank top. And that was tight enough to the fact that if there was anyone in the town of Lima that didn't know Sharon Fischer was pregnant they would for certain know after the day of Thursday the sixteenth of November.

And so looking down and seeing… well, all of it. My mood sunk even lower than what it had been earlier and tears rose in my eyes. God, stupid hormones. And blinded by tears I stumbled away from the stage and into… well, whatever room it actually was kind of hoping that no one had seen me leave, but still kind of hoping someone would follow anyway.

"Shar?" Barely had I sunk down on a bench by the wall and put my head in my hands when a voice I recognized as Dakota's reached through the silence and I looked up from my hands and saw him coming through the door just before he sat down next to me and laid an arm around my shoulders. "Are you okay?" I forced myself to nod slightly. "Hey… You know I can see you're not. And you know you can talk to me. Right?" I nodded again and forced the lump in my throat down again.

"I don't know what's going on." I said in a voice that sounded thicker than what I had thought and planned it to. "I just… We were shopping for maternity clothes yesterday and even though I can absolutely keep on wearing my regular clothes for another while but so I felt that wearing sweatpants and such sometimes when my belly has gotten so big and with the pants and everything like. Sometimes they're so tight that I get a feeling that I can't even catch my breath. I can, it's more of just a feeling that I can't because they're so tight. And so I was thinking about starting to wear these maternity clothes maybe at least when I'm at home and in evenings and weekends and suddenly it just hit me how… real all of this is. And it just… for every time I look down and see my belly and everything it just chocks me all over again." I drew a deep breath and thought about what to say next. "It's just… Well, I don't know. And then Mr. Blaine wants me to be Ron and the first thought that hits me is. What the heck? Boys don't get pregnant. Even though he obviously wants me to be Ron because of my hair color and such and then… It's just overwhelming I guess."

"It's okay." Dakota moved his arm away from my shoulders and put his elbows towards his knees. "I mean- all of this have been very stressful for you and just since last summer your whole life have been turned upside down. I mean- if you cry a bit now and then it doesn't mean you're weak or anything it means that you're freaking human. I mean, most adults wouldn't be able to get through it as you are with barely ever complaining and just continuing with your every- day life… Here." He reached me a tissue and I used it to dry the last few of the tears just as we heard footsteps coming closer and Mr. Blaine leaned through the door.

"Everything alright?" Dakota looked to me and I nodded. "Okay, well… Dakota you're the first one up and Sharon you're just next and Sharon." Mr. Blaine stopped me as I was on my way out to the stage again. "Don't be afraid to come and talk to me or to pause this or any other number if it just feels too much, okay?" I nodded to show I understood and continued towards the stage. Mr. Blaine patted my shoulder slightly and then just walked after me and onto the stage where Dakota was just sitting down on the floor on the stage and got on the glasses that Mr. Blaine had borrowed him while I got on the shirt and tie and decided to just let things go at least during this number and have fun for once in my life.

As the number went on I realized I wasn't the only one who was thinking like that. For once Christie had put away the lousy attitude she used and went completely into the role of Ginny Weasley, while I went completely into the role of her big brother Ron Weasley and just sang and danced around on the stage trying not to start laughing at the funny and… kind of weird lines of the song. And there were loads of them.

Although what was the most impressing was when Martina… hrm… Dumbledore and sung a really, really, really long note without catching her breath. And that with also putting more power into it to make it sound lower and like a male's. And so it was just only the last part of the song left and we sang and danced the last part together all of us. And the song was over and done. And so was the magic, and reality came back to me harder than the train.

"Are you okay Shar?" I heard Dakota's voice and I flinched because I had been so far gone in my own thoughts I didn't return to the auditorium and to the others before I heard my name. And I hesitated while Dakota rushed forward and put a hand to my shoulder and then shook my head to fully return to reality and force myself to give a yes.

At last I nodded, because with how I just had to fight to even catch my breath. I couldn't pretend enough to give a verbal lie for an answer.

"So this is the song I think that you should be doing Mr. Blaine." Dakota showed Mr. Blaine something on his phone. "And you should be Harry, Sharon should be Ron again. Belle should be Snape. Christie should be Hermione. If she comes I think Charlotte should be Dumbledore and then all we need is a Voldemort." Just as he had finished talking Burt Hummel came walking onto the stage. "Oh." Dakota just broke down laughing. "You're perfect Burt. You're perfect. Oh I can't breathe. But you're damn perfect!" He started waving with a paper in front of him to get some air.

But with the thought of that I'd have to stand on stage again. Even though I didn't suffer from stage fear usually. It just caused something to tight around my chest, and then I couldn't breathe.

**Charlotte POV**

"So." Dr. Brown stood by the wheelchair I had been put in to get to and from the physical therapy. "You took a few steps today I heard. That's great. You're moving on faster than I thought you would. Also, the surgeon and everyone have been looking at the new x- ray pictures and actually it doesn't look like you'll need surgery after all. And… Damn it, I wish I could tell you why you were in a coma for as long as you were but honestly… I can't. I mean you've got a concussion but actually not one as en bad it should have caused a coma."

"Dr. Brown?"

"Yes?"

"Does that mean I can go home now?" It was Friday, a week since I'd woken up from the coma and almost two weeks after the crash, I was sick and tired of the hospital. Sick and tired of the walls and nurses running in and out all the time. Sick and tired of the food and yeah- just sick and tired of every single experience that came with staying at the hospital. Now Dr. Damian Brown sighed, laid his papers and writing board down on his lap and looked at me with a frown having formed in his forehead.

"I'd like to keep you here for further observation and investigation on why you ended up in a coma. But yes, if you really like to go home you can go home. But then you and your dad do have to sign some papers that will show that you went home even though I have been thinking it would be best if you stayed. And also if you'd get a headache, or have a seizure or something like that you call an ambulance or you, get her right back here." Dr. Brown looked up at dad who nodded. "So should I get those papers?" I leaned my head backwards and looked up a dad, he seemed to hesitate and probably wanted me to stay here forever where I would be close to doctors if I messed everything up as usual.

"Please can I go home daddy?" I asked in my very sweetest voice that I might or might not have used quite a few times the last few days to get what I wanted-like a paper or an Internet code from the kiosk at the hospital or a special clothing item from home so I still could keep on wearing blue and grey even in the ugly hospital clothes.

Dad sighed when I pulled on my best puppy eyes and blinked with my long eyebrows to get the most out of it. Then he just clapped my shoulder slightly and looked up at Dr. Brown again.

"I think my daughter is old enough to decide on her own if she can go or not. So, where are the papers?" I could tell dad suppressed another sigh and Dr. Brown went out the door to get the papers. "But…." Dad kneeled and laid the one of his arms that wasn't in a cast towards my back. "…if you get a headache or anything. Then I want you to tell me- right away. And it's on that condition, okay?" I nodded and tried to look as if I would, even though it might be that I wouldn't until in the last minute.

Dr. Brown came back with a paper and a writing board with a pencil and pointed to dad on where to sign. "You do know though Charlotte. That if you want to stay here now, or if something feels weird you can come back and we'll keep you under observation even if everything looks good at our tests and it's just a weird feeling." I looked in the other direction from Dr. Brown as he stood up and clapped my shoulder. I was already wearing my own clothes and dad had called up Liam who had taken a while off school to come and get us- since dad couldn't drive with a broken arm. And so there was nothing else left to do then to shake hands with Dr. Brown and then dad struggled a bit to steer my wheelchair with one hand.

Going through the hallway the pediatrics' surgeon Dr. Graham came walking from the other direction. I'd had just a bit of contact with him, but he still recognized me and smiled warmly right before we walked by each other and he disappeared out of my vision and dad steered into the elevator in the bottom of the hallway. And I reached up to press the right button to get to the ground floor.

Liam stood right outside, he had gotten out of his car knowing that I couldn't walk on my own and dad couldn't lift me. And so he helped me out of the wheelchair and even though it would still be possible for me to take a few steps or jump on one leg before he put me down in the seat and dad sat down next to me instead of in the front seat and was on his way to say something.

Although I wasn't in the mood to discuss anything with him because even though I was going home from the hospital this whole situation just annoyed me. So to not have to listen to him or answer I pulled up my phone off my pocket and turned it on to see that Mr. Blaine had just posted something in Finn's army's Facebook-group and I went to check it wondering quickly how to talk my dad into ever going back to school and glee club again.

"Daddy." I looked up at dad with my eyes absolutely the biggest and sweetest I could. "Can I go to the glee club at school today?" I was speaking as slowly as I could without it seeming weird to make sure my dad heard exactly what I wanted. "There's an extra meeting and I'd really like to go." I blinked, but I could see it didn't help and when he answered verbally there was a tone in his voice telling me that he wouldn't give in on this point.

"No."

"But daddy." Instead of making my voice sweet I now made it more complaining but still looking up at him with my best puppy-eyes. "I have barely met any of my friends since before the mid- term- holidays. Pretty please daddy please." I made my voice sweeter again and continued looking at him with my puppy eyes. "Pretty… pretty…"

At last dad sighed and waved it off. "Okay then." He told me. "You can go. But I'll be staying at the school, close to you or at least in the same room just in case. And you will tell me as soon as it starts if something happens or you need to go home and I'll call Liam up and we'll go." I nodded, if this was what it took for me to get to go to the glee club meeting today. "Okay Liam, can you just drive to McKinley please?" I threw my arms around daddy's waist as good as I could here in the car. "Now with those eyes you could probably get me to do whatever you wanted for you… You know Charlotte, you look so much like your mum."

Hearing my dad telling me I looked so much like my mum both made me kind of sad and shattered my heart into pieces- as if it wasn't shattered enough by having been in two car crashes in the fifteen years I'd been walking on this earth. And it made me let go off him and push myself up to spend the rest of the way only looking at the window. But I could also feel by his words, so casual actually. But I filled up with happiness and pride for looking and being so much like a person who was so beautiful, so kind and smart and yeah all of those traits I simply just didn't have- even though dad seemed to think I did.

"Here we are." Liam pulled the brakes in his parking spot outside McKinley. "I'll come around and get the wheelchair and then get you okay Lottie?" I heard him, but didn't wait for him so I opened the door and jumped carefully on one leg supporting on the car's side around where he was just finished with putting the pieces of the wheelchair together after taking them apart and folding them right to get it into the car.

"Okay." Liam sighed and then supported me while I jumped around and sat down in the wheelchair. "I've got the last class of today starting in like two minutes so… You okay there Lottie? Okay, I've got my phone with me and turned on all the time so just call if you need anything." Liam turned around and ran into the school building while I had to steer a bit to the side and get up the ramp with the wheelchair.

Dad couldn't help much with a broken arm but I was actually the most stubborn person I knew so I got up, and steered towards the library to find Mr. Blaine. Even though I wasn't exactly sure on why I wanted to talk to him. But still I swore under my breath when I finally wheeled through the door to the library about how much longer it would take me to get anywhere and how much harder it would be to do anything in a wheelchair.

Coming into the hallway at a side of the library where the office's of the people working there were I had to show my dad to the right door and let him knock. Then I asked him to just wait outside in the hallway while I carefully wheeled inside the room and could see a big smile for on Mr. Blaine's lips when he saw it was me. Not that I'd get how anyone could be so happy about seeing me though.

"Hello Charlotte." He quickly got onto his feet and around his desk to move away a chair so I could get into the small office and then sat down in a chair on my side I could guess to be closer to me. "So, how are things going? I can see you're out of the hospital and well… at least that is something. Sorry I'm not very good at this." Mr. Blaine smirked a bit.

"Ehr…" I hesitated a bit, my heart was pounding hard in my chest with the planning for what I would say and I could barely breathe. "I'm alright I guess. Ehrm… Mr. Blaine…. I know we were talking about sectionals a while back ago and the thing is with… with my leg now. Even though it's a while left. I probably… No… there is no way I'll be able to dance at sectionals. And I know there was some talking about dancing but… So I guess… if I can't… Does that mean I can't be a part of any of the numbers on sectionals?"

Mr. Blaine smiled slightly and leaned forward and took my hand in his. "Charlotte… Seriously? What do you think I would do? Throw you out of Finn's army if you wouldn't be able to dance on the stage? Or not dance at all?" I shrugged- I couldn't see a reason why not. "Charlotte… I don't care about that. If I were to throw out anyone who couldn't dance then it would be Christie and Daniel we should worry about." He smirked to let me know he was joking- but Daniel was in fact a terrible dancer.

"And if people who couldn't dance were thrown out of glee clubs do you know who would never had a chance in hell of being a part of a glee club then?" I shook my head. "Finn Hudson himself. Don't worry Charlotte. If you can't dance then sing, it won't be any harder than that and you do have an amazing voice. Are you coming on that glee meeting today?" I nodded. "Charlotte… Have you ever seen Potter puppet pals?" I searched a bit in my memory and then nodded. "Well, we need a Dumbledore for a number we're doing today."

"Hey guys." I said a bit shyly when I was wheeled into the auditorium for the extra glee club meeting- Mr. Blaine as behind me and held onto the handlebars of the chair. "I…" I didn't get any further before one of the boys- one of them I hoped but didn't dare to believe would be happy I was back shouted something happily.

"Charlotte… YAY." Seth smiled with his whole face but suddenly seemed kind of embarrassed, went bright red quickly and lowered his head while clearing his throat. "Nice to see you. I'm happy you're feeling better." This time he spoke quieter and Mr. Blaine and Burt handed out the… whatever kind of clothes we in either part of the characters of the small play had.

Afterwards I wouldn't ever have any idea of how Mr. Blaine talked me into it. But he showed me the video of the… well… kind of song we were going to do and told me that if I wanted to be a part of it I was Dumbledore- which I refused as soon as I saw the Dumbledore puppet come up naked Mr. Blaine however, quickly promised that even if the person who were going to do Dumbledore would want to- he wasn't even going to let anyone, male or female take their shirt off. And instead he showed me a crazily multi- colored T shirt in neon colors, bright enough to give someone an epileptic seizure and told me I would be wearing that instead.

At last, when Mr. Blaine just looked at me with those big, hazel eyes I couldn't tell him no. And after all, pretty much I was going to sing was 'Dumbledore' The most embarrassing part was actually popping up in between Belle- who was Snape and Mr. Blaine- who was Harry and absolutely shout 'DUMBLEDORE' at the top of my lungs. But then Mr. Blaine told me how he had put up the number I would at least not have to pop up in between anyone.

So at last I was wearing my own sweatpants and that crazy T- shirt, under a way too big purple morning gown and a high, purple hat. In my hand I hold a plastic stick from Toys 'R' us that was going to work to look as my wand and everyone sat on a long bench we had put on the stage so no one would actually 'disappear' as they did in the original video- except during the last part that Burt Hummel had to himself- not that he wasn't perfect for the role he had, but I would never be able to guess how on earth they had managed to get the idea of bringing him into the glee club for the day.

Belle was the first and started hitting her plastic wand towards the bench into the rhythm she started… kind of singing along to. She sang the same line twice and then I came in. Just a minute later Sharon came in as Ron- which I thought was a bit of a weird casting since Sharon was starting to look very pregnant- oh well at least she had the right hair color. Then Christie came in as Hermione and then Mr. Blaine as Harry Potter almost taking over the whole song.

At last we were all singing together a part, Sharon slash Ron said something and Christie and Mr. Blaine cheered, before we had fixed so then when a 'bomb' went off- actually it was only bang's from the loudspeakers and some blinking lights. We were supposed to just run off the stage but since I wasn't running sometime soon Mr. Blaine lifted me up and quickly but carefully walked into the dark stairs on the side while Burt Hummel as Voldemort got onto the stage and pretended to laugh evilly.

While Burt Hummel sang 'Voldemort' multiple times I noticed there were many people struggling not to just break down lately and once Burt had sang the last tone a short laugh from just about everybody echoed through the auditorium. For Mady that didn't seem like just enough and she was leaning against the back of the chair in front of her shaking with laughter while Benjamin and Dakota and most others seemed mildly amused by her laughter.

"Come on." Burt started speaking and held out both of his arms so the big, black, dress- like- thing fell around him in a kind of… weird way. "It can't be that funny." This only made Mady laugh even harder and she even fell down from her chair and just ended up lying on the floor rolling around only laughing and laughing. "Breathe Madison. Breathe."

For everything anyone was saying to make Mady quit laughing only made her laugh more and Benjamin and Dakota sat right nearby and only shook their heads at it all. "I can't…" at last Mady panted. "I can't… breathe." Then she broke down laughing again, and for a moment I just wish that I could be like her right now.

I knew that so wasn't the case- but right now Mady just seemed like she didn't have a care in the whole world and she just was and she was happy. And she couldn't breathe but that didn't bother her and it just made her laugh even more.

I couldn't breathe neither. But for a whole other reason. And it scared me, really badly.

Dad was going to the bathroom, so I told him I would stay in the auditorium and wait for him there while everybody left. And I think it was that someone was supposed to stay with me but in everyone leaving and still laughing at Burt Hummel as Voldemort it was forgotten and I was left alone there by the side of the stage, where I slowly wheeled out onto the stage and looked around.

This was the place and everywhere I had ever wanted to be, on a stage, singing and dancing my heart out. For people to see it and enjoy it. And to actually feeling good about it as I I actually could be doing it right and beautiful. And now… I wasn't so sure if it would ever be.

"Charlotte?" I was interrupted in the middle of all my thoughts when someone behind me spoke, and already before I'd turned around I recognized Seth's voice. "Are you alright?" He came over to me and kneeled by where I sat in my chair. "You looked so far away… You do look kind of scared… Are you really okay?" He babbled and didn't let me answer one question before saying something new.

"I'm okay." I managed to squeeze in at last. "Really, I am." Seth frowned and sat down on the floor next to me, stroking his hand towards his slack and didn't say anything else for several seconds while I just waited.

"Is it broken?" He asked glancing over my leg and I shook my head. "Muscular?" I nodded. "Do you need to have surgery?" I shrugged. "Well, either way I'm sure it will be just fine." Seth silent for another while. "Sorry, I babble a bit… a lot when I get kind of nervous. And I do get nervous a lot." He let hear a short laughter. "… Ehrm… Years and years ago… I hurt my leg in a car crash." He stroke his slack again. "And I was scared to death that I'd never swim again. I did love swimming… Is it…" I shrugged- something like that. Even though I doubted Swimming could ever be as important to anybody as dancing was to me.

"Did you?" Seth sighed. "…Swim again I mean?"" He shook his head. "Then…" I didn't know why I kept on talking. There was just something in Seth's expression and body language that made me talk. "I didn't mean to hold you up like this." Seth waved it off and I turned back to the stage. Then what made me say the last was probably had something to do with that with dreaming like that my eyes filled with tears. "I am not scared… I'm terrified… Seth… what if I'll never dance again?" Seth looked to his hands and didn't seem to know what to say. I felt myself blush after realizing I'd said it out loud and looked away and then felt Seth taking my hand in his and I turned back.

"You will dance again… and if you dance again… I'll make sure I'll swim again. Deal?" I nodded, and then for a moment we were just so close… so very close, and there was something there and everything any of us would have had to do was to move our heads just slightly forward and our lips would meet in a kiss.

And this time for a whole other reason I simply couldn't catch my breath.

But before that happened Seth suddenly pulled away and cleared his throat. "I swear I'll help you okay?" He squeezed my hand. "Now, if you excuse me I need to walk home so I'll be home in time to help my mum with dinner. See you on Monday." I looked after Seth for as long as I could see him walking into the curtains, and still as so crazily much in love I could barely breathe.

And with it all none of us had noticed that someone stood in the curtains and watched us.

**So, Bradon has asthma but doesn't really care for his inhaler. And he also takes classes in Swedish and Swedish classes. He chose this week's theme and Martina and Daniel seems to have made friends. Dakota's perfectly in love with Benjamin but doesn't want to face it. Sharon's getting more and more pregnant and is trying to put her mum together with some single dad from the ones in the glee club and at last Charlotte is out of the hospital and can at least go to glee club. And at last Seth and Charlotte almost kissed but only almost and they just didn't notice someone was watching them. **

**Playlist  
Bradon/ Jasper/ Seth/ Keagan- Harry Potter in 99 seconds- Jon Cozart.  
Dakota/ Benjamin- This is war- Thirty seconds to Mars.  
Esme/ Martina/ Esme/ Lea- Marie- Supernatural- Supernatural (Yes, it's the same title for song as for the band. And random fact, this was my favorite song when I was like seven)  
Group- Get back to Hogwarts- A very Potter musical  
Charlotte/ Blaine/ Christie/ Belle/ Sharon/ Burt- The mysterious ticking noise- Potter Puppet pals**

**UGH! SETH! YOU WERE SO CLOSE TO KISSING THAT GIRL YOU ARE HEAD OVER HEELS FALLING FOR AND YOU DO THAT! YOU FRUSTRATE ME SO MUCH!**

**Dr. Graham is still portrayed by Paul Bradley just like he was when he was mentioned earlier as Hayley Graham's dad. Liam is portrayed by Roshon Fegan, Mr. Amato is portrayed by Eric Dane. Mady is portrayed by Sarah Grace Morris.**

**The portrayer for Kayla Collins have been changed from Phoebe Tonkin to Kira Kosarin since I realized Phoebe Tonkin was since before portrayer for Esme's sister Katrina. So. That's about it. Please tell me what you thought about the chapter. And someone who has asthma, maybe you can tell if I wrote Bradon's asthma attack right. I don't have asthma myself luckily but I really tried doing as much research about asthma attacks as I could so… I hope I got it right.**

**I changed Charlotte's age since I figured if she turned sixteen during the autumn semester. She wouldn't be in freshman year and that wouldn't stop bugging me.**

**Random fact**

As you might have noticed at one point in Sharon's pov it mentions that Mr. Blaine looks like the guy who plays Harry Potter in a very potter musical. Well, the actor who plays Blaine- Darren Criss, is the same as the Darren Criss who plays Harry in a very Potter musical- so they should look very much alike.

**And if anyone wonders… I am totally team Harry Potter. I like Twilight too but can't decide whether I'm on team Edward or team Jacob. What teams are you on**?


	24. Do you believe in God?

**As some of you may know, my goal was to get this up before my birthday. Which I beat with almost two weeks. YAY **

**New polyvores  
-The one with sectionals outfits have been changed, the dress and hair clip for the girls changed and added a tie to the boys  
-Edit for Xenia Marie Angelo. She will come into the story after Christmas.  
-(Added to collection) Savannah White, character and edit made by GleeJunkie007  
-(Added to collection) Violet Morgan, character and edit made by GleeJunkie007  
-Edit with Martina and Mr. Kessler's outfits during the dinner in Daniel's point of view. **

**Charlotte POV**

I had nagged and begged my dad the whole weekend to get to go to school on Monday, and at last he gave in. Which might have been because Kirsten cared little enough about me to be on my side because she might or might think that I should just suck things up and get back to normal. I also had Liam on my side, for a nicer reason than Kirsten's yes. While Frances seemed like she was with Kirsten mostly and at last dad had to give in.

God! What was it with my family, when half of them hated me so much?

I couldn't blame them though. When Seth had just pulled away when it… well at least it seemed like we almost kissed to me. It had been it! Everyone that pulled away from me must have a reason. I must be fat and ugly and fat and stupid and fat and Lord don't let me be fat! Anything else than fat!

With the thought once again bugging me day and night again. Just like it had last time. And I'd been sitting in front of the mirror in the bathroom for God knows how long. Stared at every curve and every roll. At every scar and every defect that I just hated so much I felt I could explode over it.

At last, when Frances knocked for around the eleventh time and asked me what on earth I was doing in here and she needed the toilet I had unlocked the door and wheeled out of there. And struggled to get into my room and on my bed. Where I took my laptop and watched the movie the blind side like eight times before it was finally bedtime.

And for what? I should be up as much as I possibly could. Run with crutches and trying to walk, I needed to move. Needed to dance, needed to move. Or else I would end up like 200 kilos before I was on my feet on full time again. And then I would die! I would die for sure, for certain! I would die!

Every meal after that had just been pure torture. Dad could only use one hand, Kirsten didn't like cooking so it was mostly Liam who cooked which ended in cheesy pastas and burgers dripping with fat. And still with Liam knowing what was going on and knowing best what there was to do so I at least would eat something and feel… Not too bad about everything he might believe. Every new bite made me want to run into the bathroom and shove my fingers down my throat.

I shook the thoughts of the last weekend off and wheeled down the hallway and into the auditorium. No one that had never been in a wheelchair would ever know how much longer time it took to get around than what it did when you were on your feet. Therefore I decided to stay on the ground floor as much as I could not to have to get a teacher to take the elevator or fight up the ramps. I did need the exercise and I truly shouldn't be so lazy but I was just already so goddamn tired of this chair and with that thought I wheeled into the stage and barely even noticed there was another person there before I almost ran over him.

"Oh. I'm sorry Seth." Seth had been sitting almost hidden being one of the big speakers. "I didn't see you there." He smiled slightly and waved it off to show it meant nothing. Then he pushed himself up and sat down on the speaker itself.

I glanced over him from top to toe. Just earlier today I had been on myself for not being able to wear the usual clothes and picked up an old pair of printed sweatpants, and an old hoodie along with my still new shoes. Anything to keep wearing my mum's favorite colors. Although, compared to what Seth was wearing my outfit would seemed formal and dressed for like a prom.

He was dressed in a big cotton shirt plaid in red and white and green, slouchy pants with zipper around the knees. Now he stood up and walked towards the edge of the stage where he laid his head to the side a bit and even though I could only see him from behind it seemed to me like he was far gone in his own thoughts and dreams.

"At my last school there was a stage just like this one as well. And when I was in a car crash and hurt my leg. I liked to come out there when I finally came back to school because. It was the only place where I could just sit down and be exactly the person that I had been before. I could sing, even though it would be far after closing hours and no one would hear and I could do it just like before. And some things just didn't matter." Seth leaned down and unzipped the zipper around his knee so the lower half of the slack loosened from the rest and then let it go and when it fell it revealed the metal piece of a prosthetic leg.

Seth kicked the slack off his leg and turned to me. "I promised myself I wouldn't let it keep me from doing what I wanted. I wouldn't let people say whatever they wanted about me. I wouldn't let it get to me and I wouldn't let it keep me from what I loved doing the most- Swimming. Then one day I stood by the swimming pool and some kids were staring and whispering and… I just turned around and walked away. So I will do anything, and everything that is in my power for that not to happen to you. I know you and I don't know each other very well but after what happened with that car crash I… I'm not letting what I want to say slip out of my hands again and… Charlotte. I'd actually love to get to know you a lot better." Seth had walked closer to me again and kneeled by me. And once again his face was just so… so close.

I couldn't believe that anyone would do that to me as it seemed that we were doing now. And if I had been smarter I would probably have pulled away. Not because of Seth. But because of me and everything that I was. And on top of it all I couldn't help but to feel that this was moving on too fast. And so, when he was just so… so close I held up my hand and pulled away.

"No."

I could barely even believe what I was doing!

"Please. It's not you. It's me. I just… I guess it was just moving on too fast. I'm sorry I just… Not now… Not yet. Not now." Seth pulled away but reached up his hand and took mine. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I like you. I do…"

"It's alright." Seth said as calmly as he ever spoke. "It's okay. If you're not ready then I guess… We'll get to know each other and see what happens then." Seth suddenly looked up a bit and then froze. "Oh. Mr. Blaine." As quickly as I could I turned the wheelchair again to see Mr. Blaine in the curtains but he stepped forward when we had seen him anyway. "How long have you been standing there? Did you see…" Seth pointed to himself, to me, to himself and then back to me and Mr. Blaine nodded. "Oh…"

"It's okay. I'm not telling anyone. But I saw and heard you talking here at Friday afternoon as well. So you might want to find a new place for your private conversations." Mr. Blaine bent down and picked up Seth's piece of slack. "I won't tell anyone about this either but if you don't want anyone else to find out you might want to take this on again." Seth nodded and quickly pulled it on and zipped it to the pants. "When I heard you talking on Friday I had an idea for this week's theme. And I wanted to talk about it with you…"

Mr. Blaine told us about the dance theme he had planned and I nodded- it sounded great! "That sounds awesome." Seth stated and I couldn't do else than agree. "Actually. If you want a start I can do a song just now as… well kind of an introduction. You can just sit there and I'll turn to you instead of to the chairs. And here we go."

Seth started singing. I really liked this song and it was one of not so many very upbeat songs I counted among my favorite songs. It was really good and wasn't exactly made any worse when Mr. Blaine decided to make reality of the lyrics and carefully and slowly danced while holding me bridal style. It might have been cheesy, corny, whatever people would call it. But despite the dull aching in my leg I found myself laughing and going along with it.

And I couldn't remember the last time I had laughed like that. If I ever had actually. And it was almost like I didn't want the song to end because I just wanted to stay in this moment forever and just laugh and… throw my problems away, if so only for a moment like it was. And then I was taken back to reality when the song ended and Mr. Blaine helped me getting back into the chair.

"Oh. Damn it. It broke." Seth kneeled down and picked something up from the floor and held up the chain with a cross that I had spotted hanging around his neck. "Oh well. I'll get my dad to fix that chain and it'll be as good as new. Yes, you look like you want to ask something Mr. Blaine?"

"I'm sorry if it's too private and everything but I couldn't help thinking about it with that cross. Do you believe in God?"

"Yes." Seth answered right away. "Yes. I guess I do… Some times more than other times and so but… Yes. I do believe in God. And before you ask. I'm not Catholic. Since I was born and baptized and everything in Swedish that all makes me protestant. And yes, I'm pretty happy with that." Mr. Blaine nodded.

"What times would you believe more? Sorry, I'm just really curious."

"I believe in God more when I hear someone I like or children laughing and being happy. I believe more when I'm doing something I love like singing or whatever. I believe more when I love somebody… Because God is love right? And when you love you can just feel it in your whole body… Sorry, that just sounded corny. Anyway, I have to get to class now. See ya!"

I didn't get a chance to tell that I did not believe in God. But that when I looked at Seth I felt so much and so different all at once. I just couldn't believe that it was all a coincidence anymore.

**Keagan POV**

_God made you a girl. The way you have decided to change it is disgusting. We don't want you here and no wonder your mother left you. You are a disgusting human being and you will burn in hell. I actually hope you burn in hell, because you deserve to rot in hell with the way you've treated that God made you a girl. _

_Sincerely, just a catholic girl. _

I looked up from the note that had been left in my locker and turned to Bradon. Just earlier today he had had one of these letters that kept on being put in lockers for students here who were out being bi or homosexual.

The first one I had known of was Benjamin, then Dakota had gotten one, then Mr. Blaine which was just weird. I had just waited for my letter- after all I must be very much worse. I who both had felt that I was the wrong freaking gender than the body I was born in. AND was bisexual- must be such a sin!

And they always ended with sincerely 'just a catholic girl'. I knew some Christians- loads of Christian's, including my mum used their belief and the bible as an excuse to feel that anything else than being the gender that was with the body you were born in AND relationships male- female slash female- male was completely, fully, a hundred percent wrong and disgusting.

I pretended to yawn to show exactly how much I cared about this letter. But when I recognized a girl walking by in the hallway I had an idea about who it might be that was leaving these letters in the first place and I ran and caught up with her.

"Hey, Violet." I laid my hand on her shoulder. "It was your dad who was a priest right?" I fingered with the letter while talking to her and she nodded. "I'm sorry if this just seems stereotypical and mean. But there is someone calling herself 'just a catholic girl' leaving letters in lockers of mine and of my friends who are out as bi-or- homosexual with all of this homophobic crap- excuse my language. And I was just wondering if you might have anything to do with it?"

"Can I see the letter?" Violet asked and I reached her the letter. "Wow, this really is a piece of rubbish!" She handed it back to me. "I'm sorry but I can't help you with this Keagan. And I just think it's… amazing how anyone could even think like that. And one, I think any homophobic stuff is a piece of… crap like you say it. And I wouldn't dream about doing something like this."

"Okay, thanks anyway." I turned and started going back towards my locker.

"AND BY THE WAY. KEAGAN." I turned to Violet again. "I'M NOT CATHOLIC. I'M PROTESTANT."

I nodded at her and made the letter into a ball and put it in a folder I had in my locker. I had wanted to collect all the letters that I had heard of in case we'd need them to find the person who had done this- or against her. And so I and Bradon headed to Tuesday's glee club, Mr. Blaine hadn't told us what the theme would be on Monday like he used to, and when we walked into the choir room, thinking we were early- I realized we weren't the only ones who was eager to know what he had in mind.

"I WANT… I WANT… I WANT… I WANT TO KNOW WHY MR. BLAINE ISN'T TELLING US ABOUT THE NEXT THEME." Martina shouted and pulled Daniel's shirt making him rock where he sit. "I'm so damn sneaky. I need to know it like yesterday. God! Why couldn't he just tell us?"

"Because…" Suddenly Mr. Blaine stood in the door and walked through the room to the piano where he placed his bag on top and then jumped up to sit. "… I wanted to tell you the whole story eye to eye. And this Friday I came across two of you talking. I won't tell who because of their own privacy but they were talking about dance and… I just brainstormed a bit because I had no idea about what to do this week and I thought. Why not just do a dance week? Dance solos, songs about dancing, the word 'dance' in a title or whatever you want. So, what do you think?"

"Mr. Blaine." Daniel seemed hesitant. "You do know, not all of us in here are great- no, not even good dancers. It's probably physically impossible to be as bad as I am at dancing. Nope, I'm not kidding." Mr. Blaine chuckled slightly, but Martina answered before he had had the time.

"It's okay Danny. I will teach you the easiest steps in dancing." Martina ruffled in his hair and Daniel just glared back at his friend. "What? I can't ruffle in your hair and call you Danny? I bet your mum does that!" Daniel nodded.

"But you're not my mum so you can't."

Martina and Daniel continued their discussion with random sounds and grimaces at each other and we others only kind of got tired of them and turned to Mr. Blaine who was shaking his head at the two friends and ruffling his own hair- not that he needed it though. Those curls had a life of their own!

"Anyway. I'll let you get to search for songs and everything. Yes Bradon?"

"Well… Miss Grahn taught us a Swedish song and I mentioned it to Seth and since then we kind of taught it to Jasper. So why don't we do that song right now? And make a start to this glee club theme… In Swedish!" Mr. Blaine nodded and gestured towards the floor while he grabbed his bag and sat down in the chairs as usual while Bradon, Seth and Jasper got out on the floor and Bradon pulled out some blazers of his backpack and then bent down and untied his shoes.

"What is that?" Mr. Blaine had asked before they started singing. "What on earth have you been thinking about doing actually?" Jasper looked to Bradon who looked to Seth who I guessed was the one of them best in Swedish and could therefore translate and explain the song to the rest of us.

"Well…" Seth started. "Do you think we can take it after the song instead? I don't want to spoil the whole number to you" Mr. Blaine nodded and they signed to Mr. Dom who had the guitar and then it started. And I guess the song and the number was the craziest and not less weirdest song and number that had ever been in Finn's army's history.

That might have had something to do with that I didn't understand a word of the lyrics though!

The song was pretty slow, then when it was more upbeat suddenly- it sounded like a refrain or something and then all of the boys first ripped their blazers off and threw them to the side and then kicked off their shoes, put each finger under their own (Thank God!) lip and pretended to be throwing something out of their mouth- almost like if they had had tobacco to throw out. So they had just a normal… Well, as normal as it ever got in Finn's army choreography and then a long part with just 'lalala' and freestyling it seemed like. And then the beat went slower again and they took their shoes and blazers on until it went upbeat again and they did the same thing over again.

"That was…" Mr. Blaine seemed in loss of words. "…Weird. But it was good. It was good. Ehrm… Now, can you tell us about that song Seth?" Seth nodded and Jasper and Bradon went to sit down while we others waiting for an answer.

"The song's about a granddaughter who is dancing with her granddad. And in the beginning she is dancing alone but then during the refrain he stands up. Throws his blazer off, kicks his shoes off and throw away the tobacco before he asks her to dance… And then there's another refrain with the same and a lot of 'lalala' which basically is what they're singing while dancing. So that's pretty much it actually."

"So that's why your choreography looked like a lousy kind of striptease." Seth only glared at Sharon at that mention. "What? I'm only being honest. And you should consider choosing a song that we'll all understand next time." With that Dakota stood up and walked down onto the floor, and I couldn't help but kind of… be impressed by his outfit with harem… ehrm… I mean some kind of sweatpants covered with skulls. And also a tank top and both sneakers printed with each skull- damn, this boy did have his original sense of fashion.

"I know we're friends and all Sharon. But only because of saying that I will now do one of my favorite songs. Here." He handed the sheet music to Kayla and started snapping his fingers before going 'hey' and starting to sing in French.

And actually, I didn't understand a word of this one either- except for a line in what seemed to be the refrain where he sung the French word for 'dance' over and over again. And actually- with Dakota's dancing and French. At least I liked it a whole lot better than the number with Bradon, Jasper and Seth and their weird Swedish song.

"That was great Dakota."

"Yeah it was great."

"Great energy"

The compliments were raining over Dakota's head in a whole other style than what they had been for the trio just a minute ago. I could see the look on Bradon's face even though I knew he was talking himself into that he wasn't jealous or grumpy because Dakota suddenly was treated like a hero after a number he'd planned a number and done it for five minutes while they barely got anything for the number they'd been working on for God knows how long.

"Okay. I think that's it for today." Mr. Blaine said. "My dear husband's stepmother needs me to pick something up from the store and I'm in quite a rush. But… I can't wait to see what you've got. Yes Martina?"

"Daniel, you and I should do that song you found? Can I come to yours and we can rehearse right now?" Daniel shook his head. And I could see a disappointed glance in Martina's eyes. "I'd really like to see the inside of your house you know."

"I know." Daniel scratched the back of his head. "But I don't have time today anyway. I promised Jake to come over and play some videogames. I might give that console to him for Christmas or something, then this part will be slightly out of the world. But we can tomorrow, right after last class. And if you want to get me to dance in front of all these people- you owe me at least a dinner."

"My dad's making stew tomorrow."

"Great." I grabbed my bag and everyone started leaving and when I was just leaving some things in my locker the folder with this catholic girl's letters caught my eye and I realized some things. I knew everything about Bradon only I…

"Bradon." After walking towards the stables in silence for at least ten minutes I called out for him. "I don't think we've ever talked about just that but what happened before glee club kind of had me wondering… Do you believe in God?" Bradon shrugged. "Do you? You know there's nothing left in you that could possibly be worse than some of the things I already know about you."

"Yeah. I do. I mean it's not like I go to church every Sunday and pray every night but... I do pray sometimes when I feel I need to. And I go to church at Christmas mass and yeah, I do believe in God. You know, it feels good that there's someone there. And who can love you even when you can't… love yourself… What about you?"

"I… I'm baptized and such. And I believe in… in something… But I'm not so sure what?"

"Yeah I get what you mean… and it's not like I believe everything the bible says. At first I don't believe that God or the bible or anything has something against homosexuality… God is love right?"

"Yep. But for some reason. It seems like the ones who do believe everything the bible says have forgotten about that. And now I think I should stop talking." I laughed slightly, and then grabbed Bradon by the hand- so he wouldn't have a choice but to come with me to the stables. "And yeah, I know the perfect song for this week's theme. So remind me that I need to put a link to a video with the dancing to it in the group on Facebook when I get home."

**Daniel POV**

"And then you put the umbrella down towards the floor, lift your foot like this. And kick it while lifting it. No, Dan, look at how I am doing it. Like this!" Martina tried to explain how I was going to do the dancing to the song that we were going to do. Which after all, was one of my favorite songs only I…. Had spoken the truth when I told Mr. Blaine that it was probably physically impossible to be as bad at dancing as I was.

"Whoa." I fell and tried to stay on my feet. With the only result I stumbled and fell- hard, head first into the wall. "Ow, my head." I moaned and put my hand towards my head where I had hit it and now felt a really bad pounding down under the skin. "God, that hurt. Don't laugh Marti. Ow." I sat up and hung my head. "That really hurt… Ow." The sharp tone of Martina getting a text made the current pounding worse. "Can we end this rehearsal now and just be happy with you dancing and me singing?"

"I wouldn't say yes. But I just got a text from my dad saying he just put the food on the stove so we have to go now or we won't have to shower, change clothes and then get to my home before the food is cold again. You, do know where I live right?" I nodded and grabbed my bag and a hoodie from the floor. "There's no way that hoodie can be yours. It's tiny." I held it up, yep. It was tiny!

But that was because the person who it belonged to was tiny as well.

"It's not mine. It's Christie's. I'll just go by her house when I go home later and hand it back to her." I pulled my bag's shoulder strap over my shoulder and hung the hoodie over the bag. "I heard some others talk about it yesterday and I'm sorry if I go to private too soon but I was wondering…. Do you believe in God?"

I didn't really know why I asked it. But I'd heard someone talk about God and whatever yesterday would head different directions, and I didn't really want to ask with her dad hearing- that might not be a very good impression. But I asked just now instead.

"Yeah. I guess I do. And don't worry. It's fine as long as you don't pressure me to give more details on why I do. Do you believe in God Daniel? Because the least you could do now is kind of give me an answer like I gave you one." Martina smirked a bit and we stopped right outside the school building to finish our conversation.

"No. I don't believe in God. When I was little I was baptized and my mum would pray with me and such but. Then something happened and I couldn't believe in a God that let such things happen to the most amazing person in the world."

I swallowed, and stopped talking. Otherwise I'd say too much and pity was the last thing I needed. Which was what I would get if the whole story came out. So I said goodbye to Martina, and went to the bus stop. I could see my bus pull up just as I turned around the corner and thanks to my running, and the bus driver seeing me and waiting. I managed to get on the bus and slumped down on a seat in the front, trying to ignore the pounding in my head.

The pounding eased slightly when my breathing slowed down and I sat down for the whole fifteen- minute- ride to my block. But as soon as I had stood up again and trod down the street to my house it got worse again and for a moment I could barely see the road ahead of me. Damn it, I must have hit my head harder than I thought I had.

To keep my mind of things I counted the days until mum and dad would come home again. Swallowed an aspirin and went to get a shower and change my clothes. After the aspirin and the shower the pounding had eased from so bad I could barely stand up into a very light aching in my head. And not worse than what I could live with and still go to that dinner with- I couldn't disappoint Martina in this… Even though this dinner was a part of our deal with dancing she had seemed so excited when we decided I would come to theirs and eat dinner.

"What?" Martina opened the door at hers and I was kind of surprised when I realized she had changed from her usual style to over- sized pants from Adidas and a tank top with Cincinnati reds' logo on. "Do you really think I care to wear leather pants and skirts when I'm home?" I shrugged. "Well, I don't. But apparently, you care enough to keep a nice style on... Tie off." I had just gotten my coat off when she started pulling in my tie. "God Daniel. You were going to eat dinner. Not going to a bank meeting." She pulled the tie off and hang it in the sleeve of my coat. "Unbutton the top button and pull the shirt out of your jeans." I did as I was told. "That's better. Now come meet my dad."

Just as I walked into the kitchen a man I'd never met before but I could guess was Mr. Kessler put a kettle on the table and then looked up, saw me and came over and held his hand out to shake mine. I quickly eyed the man up and down. He was muscular, but fairly short- a good bit shorter than me. Had light brown hair going on grey and was dressed in jeans and a T shirt with the logo of Cincinnati reds.

"You must be Daniel." I nodded. "I've heard a lot about you." He shook my hand. "I'm Mark Kessler. Martina's dad. It's nice to finally meet you." I smiled politely and tried to find the right words- easier said than done when I felt the pounding in my head creeping up again and threatened to knock me over.

"Yes." I said at last when I found the right words. "I'm Daniel, Daniel Vincent. Mr. Kessler. I'm Martina's friend." Mr. Kessler smiled and chuckled shortly. And I hoped it didn't mean what it sounded and I thought that it did. Sadly it did, and for what Mr. Kessler said next I felt my cheeks go bright red.

"Dinner's ready and served. So I guess we could just get to eating." My stomach clenched. I really didn't feel like eating would be a good idea and I wasn't so sure about how to get myself out of this. "But you better behave yourself sun. Because I am not letting my daughter dating someone whom I don't like from the start."

"DAD!" Martina seemed half angry half embarrassed. "For the last time, we're not dating. We're only friends. MY GOD! You're so embarrassing! Mr. Kessler just chuckled and ruffled her hair. "And don't do that. I hate it and you know it!" She sent me a meaning glare and I nodded to show I understood.

"I know honey, I know." Mr. Kessler smiled. "But she's my little girl. And whether you're just friends or something else. You better take care of her." I nodded and he patted my shoulder. "And if you don't. I have some very big guns that I'm not afraid to use on the one who hurts my daughter. Okay?" Martina sighed and shook her head. "So, are you a fan of Cincinnati reds?"

Thank God! A new conversation!

"No." I answered. Not so sure if I should lie or tell the truth but decided on truth. "I'm actually not very put into ehrm… Baseball right?" Martina nodded. "I'm mostly put into basketball and music and stuff. But… If you want to teach me anything about baseball and the team that seems to be the best then I'm not protesting against that."

"First of all, I used to play for the reds. So if I see you with logo for any other team. You're out of my house." Mr. Kessler pointed sternly towards the door but had a playful sparkle in his eye that told me he was only pretending to be firm or angry. "And that's pretty much everything you need to know at first. So baseball…"

I really wasn't that interested in baseball at all. But I was happy as long as the conversation went on as then they didn't notice as much as I was mostly pushing the food back and forth on my plate more than actually eating while my vision was starting to blur by the pounding in my head and I just desperately looked at the clock over and over again to see if it moved forward.

"I'm sorry Mr. Kessler." At last I stood up. "But I've got to leave now. It was delicious. Where should I put the dishes?" Martina told me to just leave it at the table. "Okay, thanks. I'll make sure I know more about baseball the next time we meet." I nodded to Mr. Kessler. "Thanks for the dinner. Goodbye."

While tying my shoelaces, grabbing my coat, my bag and Christie's hoodie I planned as before to walk to Christie's house. It wasn't that far away from here, and probably wouldn't even take me half an hour. But I also thought about this dinner- And if Martina would realize that the real reason I had told her she owed me a dinner was because right now money was tight- and I still couldn't cook well for my life.

I walked out in the cool afternoon air and didn't look back and through the window, only hurried up the driveway and down the road. At last I sat down when I was out of sight from the Kessler- household and sunk down onto the pavement and put my head into my hands.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there, but I knew I needed to get to Christie's house. I couldn't let it go now and just stood up and dragged me feet across the ground with tiredness and every step I took. And at last- at least two hours later, I finally walked up the driveway and the porch steps.

I knocked on the door to the Hudson- Hummel- Kyemohr's and waited. And just hoped that it would be either Christie or Mr. Blaine coming to the door so it would be someone I knew. And that it really wouldn't be Mr. Hummel- Burt, whatever. I had felt kind of awkward near him ever since he accused me for digging in Esme Montague's bag.

But for nothing. The one who came and opened was Carole Hudson- Hummel. "Hey. Ehrm…" My head was pounding and my world spinning worse than ever. And while I held up the hoodie in my hand I wasn't so sure if I held it up or down. "Christie forgot this in school so I thought I'd bring it to her."

"Oh honey." Carole took the hoodie from me. "You didn't have to do that. But thank…." She stopped talking while I was blinking over and over again to try and get away the black spots in my sight and was so dizzy I just reached out and tried to grab something to hold on to- which I merely felt just happened to be Carole's shoulder. "Honey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I blinked again after holding my eyes closed for a few seconds. "I… I hit my head earlier and I think I must have hit it harder than I thought. I'm just a bit dizzy. What… What are you doing?" Before I had had the time to protest Carole had gently grabbed me around the shoulders and pulled me along with her into the house.

"Sit. BURT? Have you got a flashlight on you?" I tried not to grimace when Carole shouted and yet again the pounding got worse. I heard some footsteps, and Carole and Burt talking before she lit up a flashlight and lit into my eyes. "I'm sorry honey. I need to check your pupils. They're normal. But with how dizzy you are I think you might have a concussion…"

"I'm fine." I tried, even though I probably knew already that it wouldn't help. "I just need to go home and sleep and I'll be fine in the morning." I tried to stand up but Carole gently pushed me back against the cushions again while feeling over my head for lumps or swellings.

I sighed, I had only met Carole a few times before. But learnt enough about her that she was such a mother- hen I would never get out of this. And I didn't even mind to fight so I just leaned my head against the back of the sofa and would have fallen asleep like that if Carole hadn't fussed around me and kept me awake.

"So… I think I'm right." When she started talking to me again. "I'm pretty sure you do have a concussion but only a minor one so you'll be back and running before the end of the week. However, just in case I will give you a choice. Either, you stay here tonight so I can keep an eye on you. And I don't think you should go to school tomorrow, just rest okay? " I nodded- I couldn't protest against that. "Or, I take you to the hospital. Now."

I sighed. I hated hospitals, especially Lima memorial. For my own reasons that I didn't want to share. But I also didn't want to be a burden and that's what I would be if I stayed here. And that got me back to the point that I just needed to get myself home. I was one block from the hospital, I could do this myself… Right?

"Do you live with your parents Dan?" Before I had thought about what she had asked I nodded. "Are they home?" I could have nodded, I could have lied. But something- and I wasn't completely sure what made me tell the truth and I turned my head from side to side slowly a few times. "When are they coming home?"

"In… A couple of weeks." I hesitated a bit about this. "They just went to Wyoming yesterday." Actually that wasn't a complete lie. Mum and dad had been travelling around USA the whole autumn, but they had only called from Washington DC last night to tell me they were catching a plane to Wyoming where they were going next.

I could see Carole scratching the back of her head as if she was wondering where on earth to make of me. Then she took a gentle grip around my arm and pulled me with her upstairs. "You're staying here then. I'll go get something more comfortable for you to wear from Finn's old clothes. And no protests." I suppressed a sigh and sunk back onto the bed in the guest room while waiting for her to come back and then fought to stand up, which resulted in falling back towards the bed and something I never thought I'd say again.

"God help me"

**Jasper POV **

"So." In glee club at Thursday we were all there- except for Daniel as I could see when Mr. Blaine came in. "Hello soldiers. As you might have noticed. Daniel isn't here today. But I've talked to Carole and it seems like even though she isn't too fond of it yet Daniel will be back tomorrow. Yes, Martina?"

"I just had a text from him. He thinks Carole is fussing too much!"

Mr. Blaine laughed slightly. "Yes, she can be a bit annoying when she puts that side to. Tell him I'll talk to her when I come home and so… still dance theme? Has anyone got any songs? Keagan you had a song right? The one you posted a video to the dance to right?"

"Actually. Can we have an extra glee club meeting tomorrow? Then Daniel can be here too."

"Daniel should take it easy for a few days." I said calmly. "Or else he might hurt himself further than what he already has. And besides, if he is an as bad dancer as it seems that it is that might be for the best. Now… Do you want to do it today?" Keagan nodded. "Okay, anyone else got songs?" Sharon raised her hand. "Okay, Shar. Oh before anyone goes. We will have an extra meeting tomorrow still. Okay Sharon. Floor's yours." Sharon stepped down onto the floor and handed some sheet music to the siblings Ashton- Cooper's before it started.

I had never heard this song before- so with how much I listened to music all the time it couldn't have been a very known song. But it should have been. Damn it, it was great. I loved every little piece. The lyrics, the rhythm. The tone in Sharon's voice and I'd have to check out the original once I got home this afternoon. Because I could hear it wasn't just Sharon's voice but the tone in the whole song. And also… all of that emotion! I had never gotten stuck and fallen in love with a song as fast as with this one.

"That song isn't about dancing, is it?" Esme half stated, half asked as soon as Sharon had gone through the whole song. "Actually it sound like you're singing about you're waiting for someone to come and… I don't know… like have sex with you!?" Suddenly Esme's eyes went cold and Sharon went bright red. There was something going on between those two… and whatever it was… It was bad!

"What I heard is that… Well… whatever we do… and living we are dancing and we just have to dance like no one is watching or judging. And also, I looked it up and what I could find it's about body image and… Yeah. All of that. I don't know if it really is but the singer released three things among a short time and as far as I know they were all kind of about body image and such."

"That's what I heard too." I agreed, but interrupted myself when Esme turned to me with her ice cold glare. "I mean. I'm not saying I'm right but I agree with Sharon." Esme squinted her eyes and honestly I felt kind of scared of her for a second before Mr. Blaine decided to cut the discussion off right then and there.

"So, is there anyone else who have got anything or can we get to the auditorium for Keagan's?"

"Actually. I just got an idea. Mr. Dom. Do you know this song…" Esme hummed a bit after stating she had an idea and Mr. Dom nodded. "Okay. One, two and one, two, three, four." Esme counted down and Mr. Dom started playing and played an intro. Kayla and Mr. Jonas recognized the intro too and started playing along.

I didn't recognize the song from the intro. But when the lyrics started I recognized it as something my dad used to sing to my mum when they were dancing or whatever. And it was a beautiful piece of lyrics- no doubt about that. I just couldn't let go off the feeling that she hadn't been planning on doing this. That she was only doing her song to make sure that she was better than Sharon or whatever.

I looked to Sharon, she had let go off the somewhat angry expression she had had when Esme started discussing her song with her and now mostly seemed sat and upset. I could see Dakota leaning close to her and whispering something to her. Sharon nodded and Dakota laid a hand on her shoulder and she kept a hand towards her belly that seemed to be growing bigger and bigger by each day… not that I paid too much attention to that though! Not at all.

"Before you say anything Es." Sharon stated with a kind of thick voice before she seemed to turn to us all. "None of you, the very least you Esme have been able to notice the fact that I'm pregnant. I just wanted to say that yes. The song I chose had something to do with that because I don't care what you or anyone else thinks about it. I will keep this baby and I will not care what anyone else thinks about it but I will make sure she or he have the best life possible. Understood?"

I really didn't dare to. And with the fire that was burning in Sharon's eyes when she looked around someone must have either been very stupid or very brave- or both to say something about it to her. And next everyone started moving out in the hallway and towards the auditorium. I saw Mr. Blaine patting Sharon's shoulder. But I was mostly actually trying to keep away from both Sharon and Esme not by any chance get myself in trouble with any of them.

"So. Have everyone watched that video I posted in the group?" Keagan asked when we all stood on the stage in the auditorium and I, along with most of the others nodded. "Okay, I will go through the choreography a couple of times anyway until everyone have got it deep in their heads and there's no chance of anyone missing anything."

Going through it 'a couple of times' actually ended up taking us more than an hour. And the dance was quite hard actually- everything just went so fast and a here and there and yeah…. But at last we all seemed to have it. Mr. Dom started playing the guitar and Keagan started singing before we all started singing.

And I swear to God, with dancing with the whole glee club and everything. I was happier and more to ease with everything than… Well I didn't know if I had ever felt that actually. At least not since Evie got ill in the first place.

"That's great guys." Mr. Blaine stood up and clapped. "Okay, tomorrow's Friday. We'll have an extra meeting them so come straight to the auditorium after your last class then. "And then if Daniel is back he and Martina will do their song I guess with Martina dancing and Daniel singing." Martina nodded. "Yeah I understood that. And I've got a song I want you to do as a group number and I will post the lyrics and note who sings what part and the notes and everything when I get home today. And before you say anything about it later. Yes, that song is really old. And yes it's like older than all of you together. But it's great and it's about dancing so why not? Okay, off you go."

"Okay." Later in the afternoon I sat on the foot on Evie's bed while Evie sat in her arm chair leaning against one of the arm supports and with her legs over the other and her phone while I sat with the laptop that she and I shared. "I knew that the song that Mr. Blaine was going to have us make a group number of was old. But this old. This piece is like a hundred years old! Well, not quite. More like…" I counted in my head. "… Fifty… fifty six or fifty five. Seriously Eves, this song is older than your and my age together… it's older than dad! And that says something."

"What was that?" Just as I said that dad came into the room and mum just after him. "Older than me? You know I'm not that old right. Only forty three." I grimaced at dad jokingly, he grimaced back and mum and Evie only shook their heads at us right before Evie sat up and reached her hand towards me wanting to use the laptop.

"Can I practice this song a bit first?" I pleaded.

"You've had it for ages. Come on. I just need it for five minutes." I grimaced at her and tried to concentrate on learning the song. "Come on Jasper let me have it. I only need it for two minutes." I sighed and was just on my way to delete what I had up and hand it to her. "Jasper, it's important. I need that laptop."

"Do you believe in God Evie?" I asked, just like that. To keep her mind of things. "I'm not so sure if I do but I don't think I do. But I've heard people talking about it in glee club this week."

"Yes I do. It gives me strength. Now please hand me that laptop."

"Okay, I'm on my way. This thing is just so damn slow." I hit the laptop's keyboard slightly as if that would help. "It's like from the eighteen hundred's or something." Dad shook his head at me. "Okay, now it works. Here Evie. What is it mum?" She was staring at my shelfies- shirt printed with pancakes. "Are you craving for pancakes or something? Because I was earler today like crazy. Oh, can we eat pancakes for dinner today?" Mum hesitated. "If I make them. I do make the best ones anyway." She nodded. "Okay, I'll go fix that but after dinner I need to rehears that song okay Evie? And oh… Why don't you come with me tomorrow? I have a solo and everything?" Evie hesitated. "Oh please Evie. Please."

"So… We have got an audience today." Mr. Blaine gestured to Evie where she sat in the audience on Friday afternoon. "Everybody welcome Miss Evie Birch. And… So first, we'll just all have to sit down and watch Daniel and Martina's song and number. And I hope that it was worth the wait." Daniel and Martina stood up and got onto the stage and Daniel jokingly glared at Mr. Blaine at what he said. "Yeah, yeah. I know, I know. Are you okay now Daniel, you don't have a headache or anything?" Daniel shook his head slowly. "That's good. So… From the top."

In the song and the number both Daniel and Martina did singing, but Daniel the most of it. And Martina did all of the dancing along with an umbrella and a hat that Daniel was wearing for most of the number. And both the number and the song were actually really good. The song had a good rhythm. I liked what it was about and what could be- if you wanted to a message behind it, even though it was so simple it probably had nothing to do with to keep on being positive when times gets hard. And Martina was a great dancer and Daniel was a great singer and Martina was a great singer and yeah… Everything just… clicked!

"That was really good" I was the first one to say something about it when way too soon the song was over. And was followed by Mady.

"It was. I loved it. And I love to dance in the rain too."

"That song was great guys. And I loved everything you did with it and I think it might be for the best that Daniel didn't dance in the end." Daniel grimaced at Mr. Blaine. "Okay, so to our last song. That group number. Have you all rehearsed the song? Great guys. So… Let's take it a couple of rounds. Jasper, you're first."

"Is it just me…" Lea- Marie started when we stood on the stage. "Or does a part of the song say. 'twerk it all out'?" I resist the urge to just glare at her. Knowing that if I did she'd hate me about forever.

"No Lea." Martina said, she didn't seem to have a thought about that this could get her in trouble with the tone she used. "It says work it all out. The song was made in the sixties. I'm not so sure twerk even was a word back then."

Lea- Marie looked at this point mostly like a venomous snake about to take a bite but before she had had the time to say anything Mr. Blaine shot in between them. "Should we just get on with the number guys? No fighting now, please." Lea- Marie glared at Martina, but got in the position for the number and then the song started.

I had wanted to keep an eye on Evie like I usually did when we were close to each other just in case. But as soon as the song started I just let go off things. And the dancing and the singing and… the energy and it was just so much fun and I was so happy and had not a care in the whole world and… I was just so happy and careless for a minute. And it ended way too fast.

"That was awesome guys." Mr. Blaine got onto his feet and up on the stage lying his arms around my and Daniel's shoulders. "Truly amazing. Next week we start preparing for sectionals. And we do that for three weeks and at the end of the third week it's time for the competition. But don't worry about that anything now because if you do that half as good as you just did you've got this as in a box. And God! I'm so happy to have all of you. Come on, get in a circle… one, two, three- amazing okay." We all got in a circle and reached our hands into the circle.

"One, two, three. Aaaaaaaaa- mazing"

**So… Charlotte's self-confidence is only getting worse and worse again, and she hates being in a wheelchair. There's obviously something in between Charlotte and Seth as this is the second time they almost kissed but Charlotte came out and said to him they were moving on to fast which Seth accepted of course. Someone is leaving letters in the lockers of people who are out as bi, homo or transsexual and calls herself 'the Catholic girl' but they have no idea who that is. Daniel is the worst dancer in planet earth's history and through that have a concussion and he meets Martina's dad who seem to believe Daniel and Martina are dating and then he meets Carole who's just fussing over him. Then in Jasper's point of view Jasper and Evie are sharing a slow laptop and neither of them are happy at all with it, Sharon and Esme are still not talking to each other but Sharon's keeping her baby and some people believe in God while some don't. **

**Mr. Kessler is portrayed by Rob Thomas. Violet by Janelle Arthur and she is sent in by GleeJunkie007 when I asked her for something I needed to suit some storylines. Kirsten is portrayed by Chandra Wilson and Liam by Roshon Fegan. Mr. Amato by Eric Dane and Frances by Dove Cameron. Evie is portrayed by Charlotte Salt. Mr. and Mrs. Birch are portrayed by Alex Walkinshaw and Alex Kingston. **

**(Yes, those three songs that Sharon are talking about are real and are about body image. They're all sung by Molly Sandén and are called Phoenix, freak and like no one's watching. You should go check them out and take a listen. They're great) **

**Playlist  
Seth- Shut up and dance- Walk with me  
Bradon/ Jasper/ Seth- En kväll I Juni( (An evening in June)- Lasse Berghagen  
Dakota- Elle me dit (I believe it means 'she tells me')- Mika  
Sharon- Like no one's watching- Molly Sandén  
Esme- Moondance- Van Morrison  
Keagan- Hoedown (throwdown)- Miley Cyrus  
Daniel/ Martina- Dancin' in the rain- Shane Harper  
Group- Shout, shout (Knock yourself out)- Ernie Maresca **

**Random fact**

What Daniel says about his dancing skills 'Physically impossible to be as bad at dancing as I am.' Is actually what I usually say- about my own dancing skills.


	25. Take a chance

**Hi guys. You know what? I've become a whole year older since the last chapter! Pretty well done in a few weeks' times don't you think? Anyway, it was my birthday just a few weeks ago. YAY FOR ME! **

**Oh and I decided to delete all the clothes' and rooms' and outfits' edits. (Except the ones with prom outfits) don't ask me why though… Anyway… if you (who have got polyvore) want to make an edit with clothes or outfits or room for your character it's up to you. And if you do I'll save them down on my laptop and use them. So… well… That's kind of it. Here comes the chapter with preparing for sectionals. Oh and since I deleted so many of them. The ones who are left are put in one and the same polyvore- collection again. **

**There are no new polyvores added to the collection. But I added Mady's shark costume to her edit. **

**Lea-Marie POV**

_Hello soldiers. For the next three weeks we will be rehearsing song suggestions for sectionals. Sectionals will be held December the fifteenth here at McKinley in the auditorium. The rest about it with the themes and the teams we are competing against I will tell you when we meet. We'll have one meeting every day from Monday to Friday this week and next week, then the Monday to Wednesday the week that sectionals is. So, see you at four P.M. In the choir room today. And I've got a special surprise for you today. _

_For the competition we will have one solo, one duet and one group number. I want you all to play song suggestions but I will choose the ones I think suit best for sectionals. I can't wait to see what you've all got. _

_-Mr. Blaine. _

I just sighed and put my phone back into the side pocket of my bag. What could get worse than a teacher having a surprise? Well, a librarian having a surprise. And honestly I couldn't care any less about it. I had bigger problems to worry about.

I threw the shoulder strap of my back over my shoulder and walked down the stairs to the second floor of the house that had now been- except for mine and dad's also Marion's for a few months. But still boxes with Marion's things stood everywhere because obviously she was 'too tired from the pregnancy and work and everything' to do anything about it. And dad had barely even looked at me since Marion moved in.

"Dad." I knocked on the door to their bedroom and it wasn't many seconds before I heard footsteps too heavy to be Marion's and dad came out still in his pyjamas and his hairs standing in all possible directions. "Can I have some money for lunch?" Dad rubbed his eyes and drowsily looked to his clock. God he even slept with that thing.

"Are you leaving already?" I nodded, I was planning on going to the 7- eleven around the corner to buy what I would have for meals today (Since the school cafeteria's food was just… eurgh! And I couldn't even look at that lunch lady without getting nauseas.) And then go to the pool and swim for a bit before my first class started. "Okay, hold on a minute I'll get my wallet." Dad disappeared into his room and came out picking some bills out of his wallet. And I just held my hand out. "Okay fine. I'm too tired to fight. But it's for lunch and nothing else." He pulled up the rest of the cash out. "Goodnight… morning. Whatever."

"Thanks daddy." Before he had went back to his bed I reached up and slightly touched his cheek with my lips. "And it's just going to go for getting something to eat. I promise you." Dad nodded tiredly and closed the door behind him and I could hear him falling onto the bed and his loud snoring starting right away before I turned and ran down the stairs to the ground floor and out onto the road. The 7- eleven was just around the corner so I went there first without taking the car, and picked up two full- grain baguettes with chicken curry, two bottles of diet coke and ten packages of my all- time favorite. Reese's butter cups.

"All of these and one big coke Slurpee." I went over to the cashier. Well-I said it would go to meals- just not what kind of meals! "And a bag." I put up a plastic bag as well and paid. And without thanking put all of it and left the store sipping on that Slurpee. Until I at last turned the motor on again and went to the school to get a couple of laps swam before school started.

"So. Here comes the sectional outfits." Later that day we were gathered in the choir room and Mr. Blaine and his husband Kurt who hadn't been with us since the auditions came into the room pushing a big cart with bags of clothes. "I hope and I think you're all going to like them." Mr. Blaine looked lovingly to his husband who was almost jumping with excitement. "Nobody opens the bags before everyone's got theirs. So… Christie. I know you and you are there." He went over to Christie and handed her bag. "Blaine. There are name tags on all of the bags you help me."

"How could you even afford all of this? I hope it wasn't for the money you were going to use for Christmas presents." Mr. Blaine smirked a bit and handed one bag to Dakota and another to Daniel.

"I have an eye for bargains. And no, I will still have money to buy you very, very big and very, very good Christmas presents." Kurt had an annoying tone in his voice. It was probably meant to make Blaine even more impatient to get to open his presents on Christmas day. "Lea- Marie?" I looked up, "Lea- Marie… Oh, you're the last one of the girls so I could have guessed." He handed it to me while Blaine handed the very last one to Jasper. "Okay guys. Now open them."

"Do we have to wear a pink tie?"

"It looks like something someone would wear in like the 1950's."

"Ehrm. How am I going to get into this dress? And pink? Pink flower? In my hair? Could you make it any worse?"

"How exactly were you thinking?"

"I love it"

"I CAN'T GET THIS STUPID ZIPPER UP"

"Okay guys. Keagan, yes. Pink tie. But take one for the team. Come on, Martina… Well, I can't exactly protest against that but I still think it works. Sharon, if you let Kurt help you he'll sow it up in whatever way that it takes but believe me Kurt can manage. About the pink flower in your red hair don't worry about it. Christie, let's talk about that when we get home. Dakota YAY. Finally someone who likes it and Lea- Marie." Mr. Blaine sighed again and pushed my hand away, then easily as if he was cutting through melted butter he pulled the zipper down and let go of it to go back down onto the floor while I could see the white dress with black polka dots with white tights and a pink flower hair- clip.

"Martina's right." I agreed after glancing over it a few times. "And I hate pink."

"I love it too."

Daniel agreed with Dakota, and actually. With seeing his eyes sparkle in that way when he smiled I could feel my heart beating. Damn it Daniel Vincent! Why wouldn't he just see me? Why couldn't he look at me like I looked at him? Just once if forever was too much to ask about. No by the way… I wanted Daniel Vincent to be mine. And I wanted him to be mine forever!

"And here are the shoes. Ehrm…" Kurt and Blaine lifted each converse- box from the cart and read the names written upon them. "Christie… Martina… Daniel…" And on it went, one by one until Jasper was handed the very last box. "Okay then, and open them." I could tell some of the people in the room were very nervous after the mostly fiasco with the dress. But the shoes were just common, black converse- quite boring if you'd ask me.

"So." Mr. Blaine started talking and jumped up onto the piano like he always did. "The theme for this year of competitions…" Blaine waited and kept silent to keep the suspense. "…Is what the glee club means. You might be kind of confused but… someone say… what this glee club means to you or what you get through the glee club or whatever?"

It was silent for a moment. And then Dakota spoke, followed by Benjamin, then Mady who had seemed unusually quiet this rehearsal, and at last Christie.

"…Singing and dancing I guess…"

"…Friends…"

"…All of the ones in this glee club are my friends too…"

"…My friends too. Even though you're all kind of annoying…"

Mr. Blaine sighed at Christie's comment. But I just silently agreed with her. Not the being friends part- none of the people in here were my friends. And still they weren't kind of annoying they were all really annoying. At least Mady wouldn't ask every time she was here when her dad would come home. And Benjamin wasn't being a crybaby over the fact that he didn't know how to tell her Mr. Heedie wouldn't come home. And those two parts had been so annoying each time they occurred it was probably a miracle I hadn't exploded there and then.

I hadn't even been a part of the glee club if it wasn't for that that it would somehow give me a chance to shine. And there was no way Finn's army would make it without me even though I knew they all hated me anyways. There was no way for me to not have noticed that!

"Oh well." Mr. Blaine laid an arm around Kurt's shoulders when he climbed up right by his husband. And so interrupted my thoughts "Whatever you think about the glee club and what you get from it. Think of a song for it and preform it. Don't be afraid to think outside the box. Anyway, I have to go now. Christie come on. … Come on! Faster. As soon as we leave you at the hospital with Carole I'm so going on a date…" He turned to Kurt and didn't seem to mind about us others when they kissed. "…With my very favorite person…" They kissed again. "…In the whole wide world." They kissed yet another time before they moved away from each other.

I grabbed my bag, okay. Homosexual- okay. But you don't have to stand like that in front of me! That if anything grossed me out. I left the room, but still my minds were working hard to find a song that would suit the theme… hold on a minute…

…If glee club was going to give me a chance to shine!

Almost right away I was thinking about a song that I had used to watch when I was little. I had looked it up on YouTube not too long ago and turned out my childhood's favorite series wasn't too much favorite anymore. But the theme song was still great. And since everyone in glee club hated me anyway. It couldn't get any better by singing a song about pretty much breaking out of your shell and having an attitude do worse?

And if there was something I would never do it was showing anybody that I was weak. And yeah, that was pretty much what the song was about. And that thought stick- and what would the glee club need more than an attitude and to show the rest of the school and the world that we were something for sectionals. This song would for certain be the perfect one for sectionals, because after all. Who could do this job better than me- myself and I?

"I've got a song." I said, before Mr. Blaine had even greeted us coming into the choir room on Tuesday afternoon November the twenty eighth. It had taken me the whole term, but I was finally going first- at least without a fight. "And I'd like to do it now." Mr. Blaine seemed like he wanted to say something about it. "But just nodded and waved towards the open floor for me to get out there and before anyone had had the time to go before me I asked everyone to come with me to the auditorium and well there I plugged my phone into the speakers and waited for the moment where I'd start singing.

"_I've got an attitude…"_

I tried to concentrate fully on the lyrics and the choreography I had made to give myself even more attitude. But I couldn't fail to notice the look on Benjamin's face. That smirk… And that look in those so very, very blue eyes. It was as if he agreed with me that the song would suit me… But it was in another way, and I didn't like it.

I shook the feeling off and just continued. Who was Horrid Heedie to tell me what I could or could not do, say or sing anyway? Sure, I had told his sister their dad was dead. But someone had to do it since he wouldn't take the freaking chance! And I know that if no one would have told me when mum died then I would have hated it!

I had to do it anyway. And there and then I decided to take the chance again, and do the performance exactly like I wanted. I had been wearing a jacket over the crop shirt and the jeans. Now I just threw it off and lifted my hands in the air- if they wanted a performance. Then they were so getting one!

"I'm not so sure this would be the right number for sectionals." When I turned back, grabbed my phone and threw my jacket over one shoulder. "The song was good but… it just didn't feel right. I can see your point though. So maybe another time… Have anyone else got a song." I peered slightly towards Mr. Blaine in annoyance, if that wasn't good enough than what the hell did he want? I was just on my way to say something when Benjamin interrupted my thoughts.

"If I were you I'd stay very, very low." I just glared at him and waited while Sharon went up on the stage and sang her suggestion with only Kayla's piano to. And whatever her thought was with this song- oh no! There was no way I would give everyone yet another reasons to call us freaks! No way, no freaking way! Especially not with the pregnant girl singing.

Oh, and it was a shitty song.

"I don't know Sharon." Blaine sighed and leaned back in his chair. "It's a great song and I get what you mean it just doesn't feel like that song. So, I will write all songs on a list and consider them but it's unlikely we'd choose this one." Mr. Blaine sighed again. "Christie, if you want to catch a ride with me home today we need to go now. I haven't slept barely anything tonight and I need to go home before I can still keep my eyes open." Mr. Blaine stood up, grabbed his bag and yawned. "Glee club finished for today." He started walking up the stairs, but we could all hear what he mumbled just a second later.

"What if someone could just take a chance on some random song, and then we would have the right one? Scratch that. I just want to find the right songs for sectionals."

**Harry POV **

"MARY." My triplet brother Larry shouted and then stepped up and started jumping on her bed while shouting to wake her up. "MARY. MARY. MARY. MARY. MARY" He continued. Even though Mary had already moaned, turned AND thrown her pillow at him. Well as good as she could in his face from her drowsy state. "MARY. MARY. MARY." He jumped down from Mary's bed and even though he couldn't jump in the lower bunk of our bunk bed that was mine. He leaned in and grabbed my pyjama shirt and started shaking me up and down towards the mattress.

"HARRY, HARRY, HARRY, HARRY, HARRY." Before he'd had the time to shout my name a sixth time I sat up so quickly he was more or less forced to let go of my shirt and fell backwards. "Okay. It's not a very good thing you're smarter than me Harold!" He laid a hand on Mary's bed and pushed himself up. "Uh- oh. Dad!"

When Larry heard footsteps in the hallway, too heavy to be our petite mum he almost flew up the ladder to his bed and sat while I laid down again and pulled my covers over me so it would look like I had barely been awake. I would understood if that made me a coward. But when I saw Mary had done the exact same thing it felt kind of better. And I had just pulled it over when I heard the door handle being pushed down and into the room came not dad- but our big brother Thomas Jr. AKA Tom.

"Don't worry." He told us after closing the door. "It's just me. And dad is still in bed so…" He lowered his voice for dad not to hear and continued. "He wants me to go off and give each and every one of you a slap for waking him up. But since he's not here anyway I don't have to. So I'll slap towards this." He patted on the board between the bunks in mine and Larrry's bed. "And you shout as if it hurt. Okay? Okay, Harry, you first." He hit with his palm towards the wooden and I moaned like I usually would when it was for real. "Mary, you're next." Tom did it again and Mary screamed. "And Larry, you don't have to do anything." Tom hit his hand towards the wood, Larry stayed silent like he always did. Even if dad or Tom would hit never as hard. "Okay. Oh, hey mum." While Tom pretended to hit Larry mum had come into the room with our lunch boxes and she reached up while Tom leaned down so mum could kiss his cheek as thanks for not actually hitting us.

"So." Mum held up a bag she was holding on. "I'd suggest you get out of bed and out of the house before Thomas is up." I nodded quickly and Mary seemed to be thinking the same while we rushed to the bathroom at the same time and I was the one that had to wait outside the door until Mary was done. But what wouldn't I do for my sister!

"Okay, here they are." Once I came back mum pulled out my lunch box from the bag. "Lunch box that looks like a book for you Harry. You got sandwiches with eggs and sausage- your favorite! And some grapes" She held it to me. "And… A lunch box that looks like bacon for you sir." She handed the second box to Larry. "Don't eat it yet. It's for lunch. You got blt's" Larry raised an eyebrow. "Without the T of course. And with an apple" With that Larry nodded gratefully. "And… a boring, plain, purple box."

"It's not boring mum. It's the only way to be socially accepted without silly lunch boxes!" I just shook my head, and I should have guessed that Larry was going to comment on it in his very own little way. And that was not only because we were identical I knew that.

"Who wants to be socially accepted when you could be socially retarded?"

"Lawrence!" Larry would know mum was serious when she used his full name. "You know I don't want to hear that R- word in my house. And you can't be retarded. Retarded is only a word and no one could be only a word." Larry only grimaced while mum handed the box to Mary. "You got a few pieces of some vegetarian sushi I tried to make." Mary smiled from ear to ear. "I know your father doesn't want to accept it. But I will do what I can for you to be able to eat like you want. You also have a banana. And…" She reached down her bag again. "…Why on earth did I have triplets?" She pulled up a package of juice boxes and reached them to me so I could pull them apart. "They're all orange, one for you each. And… since it's Friday, almost Christmas and you have all done so very well this semester. One special little treat." She pulled up three small Pringles boxes and then handed them out. "Do you guys have to wear the same clothes?" I looked to Harry, then we both looked back to mum who looked down on our feet- Larry's feet was several sizes bigger than mine and many people used it to tell us apart.

"So… You're Harry." I nodded. "Sour cream and onion for you. Salt and vinegar for Mary and Cheddar cheese for Larry. Now, I'd suggest you leave." I, Larry and Mary all grabbed our bags and pushed down our lunches in then. Then I and Larry got on either side of mum and Mary in front of her and then I and Larry kissed each of her cheeks and Mary her forehead- you just learnt your ways to save time when you were a triplet. "Oh." Mum wiped of her cheek. "Thanks guys. How did I get so lucky I had three? Well four with Tom." We could all hear dad get out of bed. "Off you go." Mary ran out of the room first, then I, and as I came running I could hear dad come through the hallway. And he walked into our bedroom before I had gotten the chance to stand up for Larry.

I and Mary stopped in the stairs, and could hear dad's voice. Muffled so to the point we couldn't hear what he said, but we could hear the loud sound when dad's palm met Larry's cheek and mum trying to break it off.

"No, Thomas. No. Stop it." Then a bang and mum's voice went louder and higher for screaming to Larry. "RUN, LARRY RUN." Next thing Larry came running out. But caring (and thoughtless) as he was he was pulling onto mum's hand and didn't let go until we were all outside. And Larry handed mum his bus pass.

"I don't care if it's against the rules. I need to get to school so I can't exactly give you a ride to your job on my bike. Oh come on mum. I don't need that bus pass anyway." Mum just handed the pass back to him. Stating she had her own. "Fine then." He put it in his pocket and then smiled goofily towards mum. "I love you more than bacon." Mum shook her head slightly and then reached up and slightly kissed his cheek. "Come on mum, we gotta go before dad comes back." Larry grabbed his bike, while Mary grabbed hers and as usual I planned to just sit on the back of Larry or Mary's. Even though the first part of the way we walked for mum to catch up.

"Okay, today's Friday. And it's almost Christmas. Can't you at least try to get some work done today?" Larry only glared down at mum- he was the class clown and it always seemed like he got very little done during the several hours a day five days a week we were in school. "I know. Love you more than sausage. All of you." By the first crossroad mum went in one direction and I swung a leg over the back of Mary's bike. It was a big risk as the roads were getting slippery for the winter- but who wouldn't take that shot to keep up with their triplet siblings? Not me at least.

"Hey, guys. Look at this." Just as we came into the school Larry stopped by the bulletin board. "It seems to be something about the glee club. Can you read it Mary?" Mary nodded, we three were the only ones who knew about Larry's trouble with reading. So she just gently pushed him to the side and read.

"Sectionals for glee clubs will be held here on McKinley. Friday at six PM in two weeks. They need a drummer. And someone who will do something on the stage in the pause while the judges do theirs so the audience won't go all bored and crazy… Larry? Oh no, don't even think about it. You know I don't like singing in front of people"

"You sing in front of us!" Larry just stated the obvious. "And wouldn't it be cool if we stood on a stage and did the cup song." I and Mary both shook our heads. "Oh come on guys. Give it a shot! Please, where's your sense of adventure?"

I and Mary glanced at each other. I wasn't so sure about this and it seemed like Mary was with me. But fact remained that Larry would always find a way to get what he wanted. And even though I had planned never to give in at this point. In the afternoon we stood in the choir room in front of the glee club with each plastic cup and Mary introduced us.

"Well, I'm Mary and these are my triplet brothers Harry and Larry." Mr. Blaine raised an eyebrow. "Well, are real names are Marianne, Harold and Lawrence. But don't ever call one of us by our real name! Understand?" Talking straight to Mr. Blaine just laughed and shook his head. "And we like the cup song. So we will be…" With that I and the boys sat down on the floor and Larry pulled up the cups from his bag and handed one each to me and Harry. "…doing that one, right here, right now. And hopefully also in the pause at sectionals."

I fingered with my cup already before we started the song. I had never really sung in front of anyone except for Mary and Larry before. And as we started the clapping, lifting and putting down the cups I was certain I would do it wrong several times but somehow got on the right track again. And then Mary started singing, we must have sung this song at least a million times before. But this almost felt like the first time it all just went right and just clicked. Until the last clap and Mr. Blaine stood up and scratched his neck in a way I just knew meant that we wouldn't get to do this on sectionals. And now it actually made me quite sad. I had sort of gotten used to the thought that we might get to do it and it felt like a fun thing to do.

"Triplets!" He shoved his hands in his pockets and glanced over the three of us. "I will say this right out… You were… AWESOME!" I couldn't help but smile, and Larry was wearing a from ear to ear kind of smile while Mary seemed a bit nervous with me. "This is just awesome. And you've got it and yes, who is this?" I turned to where he turned and saw a small group of three. All very short, one boy who was a good bit shorter than the others, one boy with Inlines, and one girl with slightly tanned skin and a bag that read 'my diabetes kit' "I recognize Pete and Jude but… I don't think we've ever talked before." Before Mr. Blaine had the chance to say anything else the short boy had greeted a tall boy in the glee club with a 'hey moron' and the tall boy got a return with 'hi you nuthead' I just shook my head- It wasn't too unusual I, Larry and Mary talked to each other like that anyway. So I had been through it too many times to care.

"Well." The girl said. "My name is Wil. Wilhelmina Hughes actually but don't mind about that- it's Wil. With one L and nothing else. And I saw that you needed a drummer."

"And didn't think she's got enough on her plate already." The boy with the Inlines continued. "Seriously Wil, you're in like a thousand different sports and clubs already. How are you going to have time for glee club as well?" Wil just gave him a meaning look. "Top priority? Well, then let's hope you're better at drumming than you are at singing." Wil just stuck her tongue out at him and Mr. Blaine snapped his fingers into a rhythm. Wil started playing- surprisingly well, and even though he changed his rhythm Wil always seemed to find it.

"Well." Mr. Blaine showed her to stop hitting the drumsticks towards the drums at last. "I think we've got a ma… woman for the job. Let's try you in action. Jude, Pete, triplets. Sit down. Finn's army. Get up." He started handing papers out to the members of the glee club. "I thought this song would suit the theme. But I'm not sure. So I want to see you all in action. And from the top!"

The song started with Lea- Marie Hale starting to sing. Followed by the tall guy who had called Jude a nuthead. I thought it was pretty good, and like Mr. Blaine had thought it would suit the theme for the competitions this year. But I just had a feeling. And couldn't put words on it until Mr. Blaine seemed hesitant and then said the exact same thing that I had been feeling.

"I honestly don't know." Mr. Blaine scratched his head through his thick, curly hair. "It's a good song and yeah, it represents what a glee club is all about… It just…. It still doesn't feel like we've found the right song." He put his head in his hands. "I just… I just have a feeling that when we've found the right song it will just click…. And no… this song just didn't click at all. Anyway, triplets. You don't have to do anything but to rehearse on your own and then show up about an hour before sectionals actually starts on December the fifteenth. But Wil, the glee club now rehearse every day from Monday to Friday next week, and from Monday to Wednesday the week for sectionals so we can well… sort of rest our voices that Thursday. But I'd like for you to come to as many as you can of those. And you have Facebook right?" Wil nodded. "Someone will invite you to the Finn's army group and I'll write what times we'll meet. So… I guess that's it for this week. Have a nice weekend everyone."

And with that, I left the auditorium with my sister and brother. And even though I was mostly scared and nervous out of my mind I had a smile on my lips. I was ready to stand on the stage and do this. I was ready to take this chance.

**Benjamin POV**

"Bye guys." I had tried to keep my mouth shut during the whole rehearsal. Knowing exactly how hyper I was I could probably throw just anything and everything out of me. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything but Jas, you were great. Christie you were great too and Daniel I'm sorry Mr. Blaine didn't think they were the right songs because you were great. And I'm very hyper today so if I start talking like this. You know as fast as I am talking right now because I am talking very fast. So I am going to stop now before I tell you something I wouldn't tell otherwise."

"Benjie." Mr. Blaine came over to me with his phone in his hand. "Kurt have finished that shark costume for Mady. Can you two come over today already and check if it fits so we can change it a bit if it doesn't?" I nodded. "Mady goes to Saint Peter's right?" I nodded. "Can you go and get her and wait outside and I'll give Chris a ride to the hospital and then come and pick you up on the way home?" I nodded. "Thanks."

For a moment I was so confused and hyper I only stood still on one spot and looked around. Then I remembered I was going to get Mady and then go over to the Hudson- Hummel- Anderson- Kyemohr house and so I finally walked away. But when I left the room I still heard Christie a kind of confused question.

"What the heck is up with him?"

What was up with me today was the fact that I was super speeded because of the side effects of Ritalin- the meds I used to take because I had ADHD. They usually weren't this bad but this morning I had accidentally gotten a double dose- don't ask me how but that's what happened when your mum would help you to remember the meds for the first time in years and I was so drowsy when she helped me I didn't remember her doing that until she asked me if I did after breakfast- and after I had taken them by breakfast like I usually did.

"Did you make all of those wristbands for next Friday Mads?" Mr. Blaine asked and Mady nodded happily and held up her bag to show him she had it there while we walked up the driveway to the house. "Awesome, I'll check them out in a minute. But first we try out that shark costume." Mady was so excited she was more jumping than walking up the porch and through the hallway.

"Hello Benjamin. Hello Mady." Carole was standing in the kitchen fixing with something that looked like something for dinner when we came and was the first one to greet us after coming inside. "Hi Blaine. Did you get those breads I needed?" Blaine held up a pack of some bread buns and threw them on the table towards Carole.

"I fixed it during my lunch break. And before you say anything, yes I drove Christie to the hospital. But she wasn't too happy about it and said she could take the bus. She really hates people caring for her like this." Mr. Blaine just shook his head. "Weird girl that is! Oh well, Kurt had finished that shark costume for Mady and… oh here he is." Kurt came into the room and nodded to me and Mady with the costume in his arms. "Can I see it, can I see it, can I see it?" Mr. Blaine was jumping up and down like an excited little kid when Kurt held the costume up. "Oh that's so perfect. Here Mady. Let's try it on. You can sit down if you want Benji. I nodded and sat down on the kitchen coach and tried to act like nothing. When in fact the hyperactivity had run off. And been replaced by a headache from hell.

"Look Benjie." Mady had pulled the shark costume over her T shirt and jeans not a minute later and that's how excited she was and how fast she got it on. "I'm a big and scary shark roar. Roar." She walked around pretending to roar, I actually wasn't too sure that's what sharks did… but whatever made her happy!

"Dinner's almost ready." Carole told us not two minutes later. "Benjamin, Mady. I made for you too. Nuh- uh. No protests. Here is more than enough for all of us and I do know your habits with dinner. What are you thinking about Ben? Oh… No furry creature greeting you? Burt is with her at the vet's. She had eaten some whatever. Don't worry about it, she'll be more fine than Burt's wallet" I laughed slightly and then sighed and pushed my hand down my pocket to find my wallet and pay her. "Don't even think about it Benjamin!" I smiled, and my eyes filled up with tears. Not of sorrow, not of relief… I guess of gratefulness. And the knowledge that there was no one in the world that had better friends than me. I wasn't usually this emotional though- stupid Ritalin! Stupid side effects!

"So can I see those wristbands you made Mads?" Mr. Blaine asked while I leaned my elbow against the table and my head in my hand. Mady happily nodded. "Oh, they have got name tags attached to them. We'll pull those off once everyone's got theirs. Did you measure around their wrists to get the right sizes?" Mady nodded. "Okay," Mr. Blaine poured all of the wristbands down onto the table. "Oh these are perfect." He seemed to search for some special. "Hey Carole, look at this." He held one- a lot bigger than the other in in one hand and an a lot smaller up in the other. "This is the smallest and the biggest. Quite some difference between Daniel and Christie's wrists are there?" Carole just smiled, and I had a feeling that while Mr. Blaine found it quite funny- she didn't.

"So… This is today's dinner." Carole put some bowls with some soup with bread as bowls in them. "I haven't tried this before. I hope you like cheese and broccoli soup." Mady grabbed her spoon and started eating happily. Was there one thing that girl didn't eat? Nope! Probably not. I just took the spoon and then sat and stared down into the bread and the soup. Not that it didn't sound good- I loved soup, I loved broccoli… Just not food, just not right now.

"What's the matter Ben?" Carole seemed distressed. "Don't you like soup or anything?"

"No, it's fine." I squeezed the handle of my spoon with a shaky hand (Tics were another side effect. "I love soup. Eating anything and everything seemed to just be in the family." I patted Mady's back and tried to ignore the headache pounding behind my forehead. Although before I had had the time to say any other random lousy excuse to why I was so tense and wasn't eating Mady had told them the truth. Probably because she knew that I wouldn't tell them myself.

"Ben accidentally took a double dose of his meds today. And now he's got a headache that makes it feel like his head is going to explode and his stomach makes it feel like he's going to throw up." I glared at Mady- she knew me way too well but couldn't she just shut up every once in a while?

"Oh honey, that's no good."

"I don't think you told us by the way." I forced myself to take a spoon of the soup and change the subject. And once I had the first spoon in my mouth it turned and I felt how hungry I was while turned to Mr. Blaine. "How come you decided on a shark for Finn's army's mascot?" Mr. Blaine had his mouth full of soup and almost spit it all out trying to answer me. "You can swallow before you answer" He looked weirdly at me. "Sorry, with Mady, stating things like that is just a habit." Mr. Blaine cleared his float and wiped the soup of his whole chin before he answered.

"Shark was Finn's favorite animal. And from time to time he was somewhat obsessed with them. He nagged me and so many others for weeks to watch movies like Sharknado or Jaws with him. So, when I knew that Mady couldn't be a part of our numbers in the competitions I wanted her to have some part and thought she could be our mascot dressed up as some whatever animal and…. It just seemed pretty clear and that's the whole story. Sorry, I'm just babbling. You only asked for the first part." I waved it off- loads of things bothered me, but people talking wasn't one of them! Not even a day like this!

"I can tell you're not feeling well Ben." Carole told me when I was getting ready to leave. "I know you don't want to but I promise you it's not a bother. Why don't you let us take Mady for tonight? You look like you can barely stand on your feet you poor thing." I raised after taking my shoe on and looked up at her. Normally I would have answered her no. I didn't want to be a bother. But her promise sounded truthful and honestly she was right and I took one step forward and then embraced her. Carole seemed kind of tense- mostly as if she wasn't ready for it to happen but so she relaxed a bit and embraced me back. And it was the first time anyone had ever hugged me like that.

I tried to keep my hands from shaking- it got worse during feelings like this and I shoved them in my pockets to cover it. And what was it with those mothers when they always knew what you wanted and needed, but couldn't ask for.

"Do you want me to come outside and walk a bit of the way with you if it means that you will make it the whole way home?" I forced the lump down my throat and nodded. "Okay, I'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE." She grabbed her jacket and her shoes and we walked in silence the first few hundred meters. Even though the urge to just break and tell her exactly everything…. Maybe the only thing it would take was for her to know exactly what to say. And I would break and tell her everything- yes, everything.

"You know Ben." She said as we started drawing close to my house. "I'm a mother. I had one son. Now I have one angel, and two men I consider my son- Kurt and Blaine. Through the nineteen years I had Finn with me I dealt with exactly every feeling and every outburst you could possibly imagine. So if you need to shout or cry or talk or anything else then… You know where I am. And it doesn't matter if it's in the middle of the night or Christmas eve. Just give me a call or anything and I'll be right there." I nodded and wanted to thank her, but I didn't dare to open my mouth for another several seconds in fear of just breaking down.

"I take care of everyone"

I wasn't too sure where it came from, but suddenly I just took the chance and said exactly what I felt. And that was after Carole actually had known exactly what to say. In all its simple words.

"What do you mean honey?"

"What I'm saying. I take care of everyone. I take care of Mady because dad is gone and mum works. When dad was alive and came home high as a house. I'd sit up all night and make sure he stayed on his side so in case he threw up so he wouldn't choke and die. When mum have been raped- again. I sit and hold her hand while she takes a pregnancy test and if it shows positive then I sit next to her while she's doing an abortion. Holding her hand and telling her that it's okay. And no one would expect her to do anything else- again! I do football, and glee club and before every practice or rehearsal or practice I need to pick up Mady from school. God I can't believe I just told you all of this. God, you must hate me now." I put my head in my hands.

"I don't hate you Benjamin. Why would I hate you?"

I didn't answer that, she and everybody else probably had loads of reasons to hate me. But now when I thought about it I couldn't think of one single- except that I'd been with my mum to get an abortion four times and for many people that was far from okay.

"This is my house. "I stopped before turning into my driveway. "I've got to go and make sure Brady eats. He's in college so he's always got some major tests coming up and he forgets sometimes." Carole raised an eyebrow- oh now she understood what I had said first! "See ya!" Before she had the chance to say something else I hurried up the driveway. But was stopped when she talked again.

"You are there for everyone Ben. But then who is there for you when you need?"

I stopped, but forced myself to continue up the driveway and up the porch. Pulled a pack of lunchables out of the cupboard and threw them into Brady's room onto his mixed living room (Oh well, he's room was mixed living room and bedroom, kitchen we shared, and then there was only a bathroom for him) table and desk so he'd have something to eat. Before I felt a pounding worse than ever in my head and I turned to my own bedroom and mostly fell onto my bed.

But well there I couldn't sleep. The medicines were still in my body and would stay for another while. Therefore, I couldn't sleep.

Stupid ADHD, stupid medicines, stupid drowsiness that makes you forget, STUPID SIDE EFFECTS!

Suddenly I just broke, and knowing Brady was too busy with his things to notice, mum was at work and Mady at Burt and Carole's I stopped fighting and let my tears first slowly, then quicker and quicker started to drip from my eyes, to my cheek and so dripped down on my British- flag- printed pillow case.

At last, as the medicine's work started wearing out for the afternoon and evening I went really tired. And with the headache after being way too hyperactive earlier still pounding beneath my forehead and temples still pounding I drifted off to sleep. I'd probably wake up at four in the morning falling asleep now, but I couldn't bother to stay awake.

"Hey." Mr. Blaine greeted me when I came through the hallway with Mady's hand in mine towards the choir room the next day. "So, we are at… what? Thursday, December the seventh. Wow, it's like…. September, October, November, December…" Mr. Blaine counted on his fingers. "I put up the flyer Monday September the eleventh so in four days it will be three months since it all started. For you, I had planned it for a few days before at Wednesday the sixth. Anyway, how are you today? Have those side effects given up yet?"

I stood still for a moment- well as still as I could, with every step that I took my body would tremble from one side to the other and it got clearer when I stood still. Mr. Blaine only glanced at me up and down.

"How did you even manage to…" I shushed on him while we walked into the choir room where everybody else were so they wouldn't hear. I wasn't so sure if I wanted to tell exactly everyone that I was disabled just yet. "Oh well…" I went to sit down and Mady sat down next to me and lifted her feet up on to sit Indian style. "…Hello soldiers. How many have got songs today?"

"I have a song." Four people said at first and raised their hands. "Oh…" They all continued and then laughed and in some way continued together. "Who should go first?" Martina, Esme, Bradon and Keagan all glanced to each other. And only Bradon and Keagan continued and gestured towards the open floor. "Ladies first."

"Then Keagan should go first." Lea- Marie stated before anyone else had had the chance to say anything else. "Shouldn't you, Princess?" Keagan's eyes went dark, he hated any of those stupid nicknames. And I could see him clenching his hands hard around the fabric in his jeans not to snap back at Lea, while he turned to Esme.

"Miss Montague?" He gestured towards the room. And Esme nodded and handed some sheet music to Kayla before Kayla started playing, and when Esme started singing I recognized the song and noticed Mady's big smile next to me. She loves all of those series on Disney Channel, including the intro songs and this was probably her second favorite- I didn't do it came right after good luck Charlie on her top list. And she loved Esme's version of the intro I could tell. Even though Esme was singing a slow ballad version of it, and I knew that when people did this Mady was just waiting for it to go upbeat again. But it never did and it ended just as slow in the beat as it had begun.

"That was really good Esme" Mr. Blaine clapped his hands when Esme finished her song and collected the sheet music when she saw Mr. Blaine was wearing the same expression as he had so far every time someone had suggested a song during the first week and a half to find one solo, one duet and one group number for our sectionals songlist.

"But I don't think that it's the right song." He scratched the top of his head and grimaced slightly. "I'm sorry. Well. Martina you go next." Mr. Blaine gestured while Martina gave Mr. Dom the sheet music, and when he started playing with the electric guitar I recognized the song and next to me Mady lit up.

"I LOVE THIS SONG. I LOVE THIS SHOW" I showed her to be quiet, but she still got onto her feet and started dancing and Martina ran over to her, took Mady's hands and pulled her down from the audience and while Martina sung Mady sang along and danced around the floor. And my smile wouldn't have faded if I tried to make it.

It wasn't a surprise or a secret that now when Mady had known for a while why it was that dad wouldn't come home she would still be sad every once in a while but I would tell her stuff like that daddy could still see her and was always with her and yada, yada and all that jazz. And most of the time she was just like she had always been with talking to anybody and everybody and being happy and eating all the sweet things I could afford and yeah… Just being Mady. But still it felt like this was the last puzzle piece to seeing her happy again while she had the brightest smile on her lips and jumped and span around and danced around the older girl in front of all of us. Although it was probably needless to say that Lea- Marie was the only one whose smile wasn't as big as Mady's in the room. And just as the song ended we all got on our feet and cheered, along with Mr. Blaine who had just an as big smile as everybody else. And I thought that finally he might have found the right song for sectionals.

"That was great guys." Mr. Blaine stated (Well, it was just truthful) "Yay Mady. You did so well." While Mady came to sit next to me again Mr. Blaine held out his hand to high- five her. "But… I still don't think it's the right song for sectionals." Mr. Blaine slumped back into his chair and sounded quite given up when he gestured and spoke again. "Keagan you go next." Keagan nodded, and told that he would do his song without any instruments before he walked downwards and faced the audience.

"And if anyone breathes a word to anyone that I like good luck Charlie!" Martina stated and there were some spread sounds of laughter in the room. "It's totally a guilty pleasure. Come on, we've all got them!"

"Well… Both Martina and Esme did intro songs from Disney shows so…" Keagan started. "I thought I'd just continue with the tradition. So here's a song that I and Jasper did during duet week and I thought it would suit the theme for songs during sectionals. And it's the theme song to… what? Girl meets world I believe." He started snapping his fingers into a rhythm and sang through the song, Keagan was a great singer and everything. But still that given up expression never left Mr. Blaine and he sighed when Keagan had finished his song as if he had the whole world's sorrows on his shoulders.

"No, I don't know I guess… Take on the world is one of my favorite songs but… it's still just not right." Mr. Blaine sighed. "Bradon? Have you got a song from one of those new Disney songs too?" Bradon shook his head, borrowed one of the guitars and jumped up to sit on the piano when he realized the guitar didn't have a shoulder strap and that made it hard to stand up and play.

"No, this isn't a song from one of those new Disney shows. I'm not a too big fan of those and like the old classics best like Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck better. I really do like boy meets world and girl meets world though but like Martina said… if anyone breathes a word about it to anybody not in this room." He gestured. "But this song… I don't remember it's either in Stuart Little 2 or it was kind of… interfered by that movie to write the song. Either way it's on some CD for it… And I really like the song so…" He played a chord on the guitar. "Here we go."

It didn't take more than the first line of the song before I realized that this was the same song that Jasper had done earlier in the semester. I had remembered it when he mentioned Stuart Little, but wasn't that kind of Jasper's song? Oh well… it would show and Jasper was a nice guy either way so he probably wouldn't mind.

And I was right

"Isn't that kind of Jasper's song?" The last chord had barely rung out when Martina asked the question. "I remember he was doing it earlier. And I always considered it… his!" Bradon seemed to remember and before anyone else had had the time to say anything, neither Jasper Bradon remembered and apologized.

"I'm so sorry Jasper. Marti's right and I totally forgot but that is totally your song and if anyone should do the song for sectionals it's you. I am so, so sorry I would have asked you to do it but I totally forgot. I thought I had heard the song somewhere before!"

"It's fine Bradon. It isn't my song. Anyone here can sing whatever song they want. And no Bradon. If this song ends up the solo for sectionals you should sing it. You're a much better singer than I am and… Hold on a minute. Mr. Blaine? What do you think?"

"I think…" Mr. Blaine hesitated and I had to suppress a sigh. Whether it was Bradon or Jasper singing it seemed like this wasn't the right song neither. "…I think that Jasper is very good at singing. And you Jazz should take a chance and actually give it a try some time. But Bradon did that song very good so if everyone's okay with it I think it should be Bradon's solo because we have gotten ourselves the SOLO number for SECTIONALS. WOHO. And I know someone asked me if I thought that we had a chance of winning… And the thing is… We're competing against Vocal Adrenaline. And on my time you know when dinosaurs walked around, Vocal Adrenaline won nationals every year… But… I'm not saying we won't have a chance. Because I think we have an as big chance as big as anybody else. But even if we don't. I took the chance to set up this glee club and you have all given me so much and more than any trophy could ever do. So come on guys." He got out on the floor and held his hands out. "Circle." We all got down to. "Okay, take a chance on three."

"ONE" We all shouted together. "TWO, THREE. TAKE A CHANCE"

**Christie POV **

"But don't you get it? I can't wear these? My legs are like huge. And I'm not saying that because I'm like those usual super- skinny girls that say they're fat when they haven't got single piece of fat on their body. My legs are filled with fluid and THEY'RE FREAKING HUGE. Why do you think I wear very lose jeans and too big sweatpants at all times? Why do you think I wear long sleeved shirts even when it's way too warm? It's because I am FREAKING ILL. And I have FREAKING SYMPTOMS. AND NOW you want me to wear a sleeveless dress and TIGHTS? ARE YOU NUTS?"

It usually wasn't like me to just shout and ramble like this. But the fact that no one ever listened to me was just making me so freaking angry. And now, three days before sectionals when I already had freaking told them that I would never get into that freaking dress or those freaking tights. They handed the freaking clothes back to me and it was still a freaking sleeveless dress and freaking tights. It was probably a good thing Aunt Carole was working night and didn't hear all of this. I wouldn't have wanted her to worry for all in the world because she just went so fussing then and that was annoying if anything.

"Chris, calm down." Blaine tried and I finally silent. "Look, I know you don't want to wear a tights but no one will concentrate on your legs and it will look really weird if everyone are wearing the same except for one and we might lose points over that. Sorry, also now it's kind of too late to do anything about just… Take a chance and take one for the team."

"And also," Kurt continued. "I'm in charge of the makeup so I can use some on your arms and cover up those dark spots. It might not cover them fully but enough for no one to be able to see it from the audience. And about the choose I've found some shoes that looks exactly like the others with the laces and everything but are in kind of stretch so we've already got that covered."

"UGH!" At last I had to realize I couldn't protest against what they said. Even though I really didn't want to wear these clothes. "FINE!" I threw the clothes for sectionals on the bench in the hallway and when the tights fell down onto the floor Alice ran up to check it. "GOD" I pushed her away with all of the power that I could, enough for me to kneel down and lift the tights up again. "Get away you dumb dog."

It almost seemed as Alice could understand what I called her because she looked up at me with a kind of offended- looking brown eyes and so turned around and walked into the kitchen while I span around and grabbed my anorak and pulled it over my head.

"Where are you going Chris?"

"Out. And don't you dare follow me." I walked out into the cold evening air. Considering it was December the tenth it was actually too cold to go outside without gloves or cap but of course I had forgotten it and I pulled my hood up and shoved my hand into the pockets on the anorak. Which only made me realize I'd forgotten my phone as well.

But I didn't turn around, and just continued towards the cemetery. Although the worst part was that I couldn't walk there without having to walk by the crosswalk where Finn had been hit by a car and killed.

The driver who had hit Finn we had never gotten to know who it was, he had just hit Finn. And driven off, and there was one witness who had seen it happen and called an ambulance but she had never caught a glimpse of the driver. As she had just concentrated on calling an ambulance as fast as possible. But still as fast as possible wasn't fast enough. And Finn had died in the ambulance- he had never even gotten to the hospital.

Coming to the crosswalk that was just a block away from the cemetery I hurried through it as fast as I could. But still made sure to look out for cars before I crossed the road… If Finn had only done the same that night! Then after what felt like hours to cross that short part. It was over for this time and I walked down the road, through another block and then through the gates to the cemetery.

Finn's stone was right under a tree in a corner. In the spring, summer and later in the fall Carole would make sure there were almost at least three types of flowers at all times. But now in the winter it wasn't much when everything was frozen, and the only things that stood there except for his headstone was a stone dove on top of the stone, and a candlelight down on the ground. I would have lit it up but I hadn't thought of bringing any matches with me. And it was snowing sleet so it wouldn't last for long anyway.

"I wish you were here Finn."

The symptoms of this stupid renal were making themselves heard again and I was so dizzy it was a miracle I didn't throw up all over that stone… but still I was so dizzy I couldn't turn around and move. And I just needed to close my eyes… just for a second… just for a second.

And so, I felt myself falling and let myself be surrounded by a safe darkness. That took me away from this very, very harmful world. And closer to Finn.

"Christie? Christie? Come on kid, wake up." I turned my head slightly and pressed my eyes shut when someone woke me up and shook my shoulder. "Come on. I can see you're awake. Can you just open your eyes for me? Please?" He shook me again, and even though I knew I had heard that voice somewhere before and I should know who it belonged to it all just seemed too blurry- and it didn't get any better by opening my eyes and I could see Burt through all of that blur. Burt- oh that was who that voice belonged to!

And then quite quickly but still way too slow the blur started getting clearer and after blinking a few times I was brought back to reality and I could both see and hear Burt taking a deep, relieved breath when I was fully back to reality and felt exactly everything. The cold, wet ground against my back and the back of my legs, the nauseated feeling creeping up my throat. Smell of grass that had died for the winter and after shave from Burt's jacket over me. Even though it fell off me when I pushed myself up and Burt gently pushed me back towards the ground again.

"Just lay still for a minute. Oh… Here." Burt had held an arm under my back already before and now changing his position pushed me upwards in such a sudden and fast move I couldn't fight the wave of nausea and chucked up all over Burt's jacket. "Whoa, it's okay kid. I'd a thousand rather have that all over my jacket then all over a grave. I can't get it off you just yet though."

Burt pushed himself up on both feet and walked up with me in his arms to his car where I was finally let down onto my own feet but he still opened the door for me and ripped his jacket off me- and I could finally breathe again without being at risk of chucking up again of the smell only. And I couldn't fail to notice how he stressed around the car to throw his jacket (inside out) in the back, and then get into the driver's seat while I hadn't even gotten the door closed on my side yet.

"I…" Burt hesitated when he stopped for a person walking across the road by that freaking crosswalk. "Would appreciate if you don't mention what happened tonight to Carole. If you do she might or might not ever go to work again to always keep an eye on you and I don't want that and I don't think you want that either so." Burt could finally start driving again. "Have we got a deal? You don't tell Carole and I… whatever you want. Do you want a certain book? Or movie or something?" I sighed at him and shook my head. Right now I just wanted to sleep since for once I didn't have restless legs syndrome.

"You don't have to give me anything. We've got a deal. I wasn't going to tell her anything. She'd never let me out of the house again. And I hate her fussing." Burt sighed slightly, but I could hear he tried to suppress it. And despite what I had told him. When I came home that day a pocket copy of the book Marley and me laid on my desk. And it hadn't been there when I left for school earlier. With a note that stated he was going to give it to me earlier and he hoped I didn't mind it was Kurt's old copy.

I had always thought that days and nights passing was a kind of funny thing. When I went to bed at night I never knew if I was going to fall asleep or if those restless legs would keep me up tonight again, when waking up in the morning I wouldn't have any idea of what would happen before I went to bed again the same night. But whatever it was I had expected walking into the choir room the day after I had been to Finn's grave. It was really not the conversation between me and Keagan after I had been fingering with the pager that would start beeping when the hospital would have a new kidney with me. And him asking why on earth it took so much time for them to get one.

"Well. I had a kidney from a person who wasn't a match with my blood type because with today's technology and care and everything it usually works. But my body started kind of pushing it away so it didn't work and since then it's been like this. And I've been on dialysis three times a week since I was…. Seven I think. And now they've found out that if I'm ever going to have a new kidney it needs to be an exact match but then I also have the rarest blood type and I'd been taken off that list and yeah… That's the whole story."

I usually wouldn't tell people the whole story like this but Keagan always wanted to know more about anything and everything. Usually I just thought it was annoying but saying it all right out like that actually felt quite good, and if I didn't he'd just pull the rest out of me anyway.

"AB Rh + is your blood type then right?"

I hadn't exactly been ready for someone to answer to that- or even to know what I would have as blood type that would mean it was the rarest one and unfortunately the one that I'd need someone that had the exact same as me to have their kidney. But Daniel did and seeing him sitting turned around and facing me I was so surprised I couldn't find the right words to answer him with for several seconds.

"Do you want to know something?" Daniel's voice had taken a tone that I didn't quite recognize. "It's the same as me. And I've known for months because you said something about it passing by and I have known since I was six what I had… Do you want to know why I do that? Why they took the tests to check what type I was?"

I didn't really want to. But Daniel had turned to me and there was something in his eyes too that I didn't recognize. And it was like he had been just holding everything inside of him for God knows how much time and now he was just breaking right in front of me. Like Finn used to… And not even I was evil enough to stop that.

"I knew a person. She was dying, of renal. And they took the tests to check if I could give her my kidney." I went all cold, of renal? "And I couldn't save her… But I could save you. And ever since I found out… well everything I've… I just never found the right moment to tell you. I know more things need to match as well but… It would be worth a try, wouldn't it?"

"NO." I almost shouted sternly. "No, I am not taking a kidney from a living person and I am not taking it from you. No way, I'm not doing it. End of story." I silent and looked down on my hands as if they suddenly had gone very interesting. Well, that was before Daniel got onto his feet and turned to me fully. And then almost exploded.

"Damn it Christie! Why do you have to be so freaking PROUD!" If there had been one pair of eyes that wasn't turned to him before- they all were now. "And this might be your only freaking CHANCE. Now isn't that worth swallowing that FREAKING PRIDE? No, of course not! Because you're Christie. And then you're going to die JUST like her. And you're not even trying to take the chance to do anything about it."

Daniel silent when he seemed to realize what he had just said and he pulled his hands in a distressed move and left them towards the back of his head. "I- I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." It was only a mumble, and with that Daniel turned around after what felt like hours and burst out of the room slamming the door after him.

All of the people in the room seemed stunned for several seconds. Had he just? Had Daniel just? Daniel Vincent? No, not a freaking chance that Daniel could just explode like that but I had just seen it myself and damn it he just exploded and hit the very weakest spot of them all. I knew I was going to die if I didn't get a new kidney like yesterday.

But I wasn't taking the chance to take a kidney from a living person. And especially not anyone I would see as good as every day afterwards. If anything went wrong… Or if anything didn't go wrong! No! I was just not doing it.

"I'll go after him." It had been silent for several seconds when Martina at last stood up and made us all- or at least me flinch with suddenly making her voice heard. "I'm sure he's fine. Don't you dare gossip about him." With that, Martina left the room in the same direction as Daniel. And it went silent again.

"Chris." Blaine turned to me. "I think you should reconsider what Daniel just said." I only glared at him and tried to act like I didn't care. "At least think about it." Mr. Blaine slumped down on a chair in front of me. "Maybe… Maybe after all of that it would just be better if we skipped the rehearsal today. Christie I need to speak to you more about this when we get home." I continued just glaring at him. "Yes, Seth?"

"Actually Mr. Blaine… I was thinking that I… could maybe suggest and play a song today. If it's okay with everybody of course." Blaine and Seth both glanced dup at me and I just waved it off showing that I couldn't have cared any less. "Oh well… What do you say Mr. Blaine?" Blaine hesitated still looking at me, and then at last turned to Seth.

"Go for it Seth."

"Well… Now this song seems even more accurate." I glared at his back while he moved towards the middle of the room taking the right grip of his guitar. "But well, I'll just get on." He grabbed his guitar and hit a few tabs before he started singing. And even though I tried to not seem like I wasn't touched by the lyrics. But that was easier said than done. And thinking about that there wasn't a chance that there was someone who knew what it was like like the song was about and feeling it so clearly with the lyrics of the song, I had to fight the tears away.

Because not a chance I was showing myself weak in front of all of these people. Not a freaking chance!

"That was really good Seth." Seth had barely had a second extra to finish the song when Blaine jumped on his face. "So… You know we've already got a solo number for the Friday? Well… What if I tell you I think we've got our duet?" The smile on Seth's face was undeniable. "Awesome. So I want you to be one half of that duet Seth. Who would like to do it along with him?"

I didn't actually listen much to who wanted to be the other half of Seth's duet. But lifted one foot onto the chair and sat the rest of the rehearsal leaning my chin against my knee and tried to keep the thoughts about Daniel away from my head. And so Blaine talked to the whole group again, and suddenly that part wasn't so hard anymore.

"So, all we need now is a group number. And I understand if you don't want to do this since most of you never knew him but… I don't think any of you or I myself know or realize how much Finn had a part in why I decided to put up the glee club. So I would like to make the group number a chance… for us to do a song for him."

**So, this chapter was loads of drama. Wasn't it? They were preparing for sectionals which will be in the next chapter but seemed to have trouble finding the right songs and Lea is still very spoiled and still hates her future stepmum and her little brother or sister. We meet the triplets Harry, Mary and Larry for the first time in person. They are obviously abused by their dad and older brother and only one of three is sure if they should take care of the singing and playing the cup song on sectionals. Then they have a bit of more trouble finding the right songs. Benjamin had a double dose of his meds and loads and loads of side effects. He also has ADHD, and takes care of everybody, and he more or less broke in front of Carole but still barely let her see his feelings. He still loves Mady to bits and she is the very most important part of his life. And then they have a bit of more trouble to find a song, then they found a song and it seems like Bradon will do the song that have earlier only been done by Jasper. Christie misses Finn, and her renal is getting worse and worse and she is only getting sicker. Then it comes out Daniel knows someone who died of what she is going through right now and could maybe give her one of his kidneys. But she refuses, then Seth will be one half of the couple that are doing a duet for sectionals. But they still haven't find their group number song, but Mr. Blaine wants to do for sectionals in which they will be wearing clothes that not everybody likes and Mady will be dressed up as a shark as their mascot. **

**Playlist  
**Lea-Marie- Someday- Keisha White  
Sharon- Freak- Molly Sandén **  
**Larry/ Harry/ Mary- The cup song- Anna Kendrick  
Group- Sing- My chemical romance  
Esme- Times of our lives- Olivia Holt  
Martina/ Mady- Hang in there baby- Bridgit Mendler  
Keagan- Take on the world- Sabrina Carpenter feat. Rowan Blanchard  
Bradon- Count on me- Billy Gilman  
Seth- Pray for you- The Swon brothers

**The series mentioned in Lea-Marie part as the series that her song is theme to is the story of Tracy Beaker. It's a British series that is totally AWESOME! As well as the two spin- off's Tracy Beaker returns and the dumping ground. Anyway, if someone wants to watch it all of the episodes were on YouTube the last time I checked. And if you like Tv- series. You should totally look it up! **

**Harry and Larry are identical and portrayed by Greyson Chance. Harry is written by me and x snow-pony x. Mary is portrayed by Kay Panabaker and written by me and GleeJunkie007. Their big brother and parents are written by me. Tom is portrayed by James Bartlett. Thomas by Tom Everett Scott, and Jane by Maura Tierney (With long hair and as a nurse in the ER- series as Abby) Wil is a mix up by some different characters I had sent in (check the next A/N) and is portrayed by Rowan Blanchard. Jude and Pete are written between me and GleeJunkie007. Jude is portrayed by Daniel Seavey and Pete by Hayden Byerly. Mr. Hale (Lea's dad) is portrayed by Mark Ruffalo. And Marion who is mentioned in the chapter is portrayed by Rachel Blanchard. Mr. Jonas and Mr. Dom are portrayed by Shawn and Aaron Ashmore and Kayla is portrayed by Kira Kosarin. Mady is portrayed by Sarah Grace Morris. **

**Kayla used to be portrayed by Phoebe Tonkin but I realized then she'd be portrayer for two characters in the story. **

**And if anyone wonders, making shark Finn's favorite animal was a tribute to Cory Monteith, as his last tweet was about the sharknado. **

**I'd like to thank yonna9queen, Lorelai Sofia Petrova, x snow- pony x and GleeJunkie007 for sending in their pieces for Wil's character. I mixed all of these up and added a bit by myself and Wil's character was created. So thank you to you all. **

**So, next up is sectionals. And I do believe that will be a pretty short chapter so it might not be too long until you hear from me again. It will however be loads of surprises squeezed into a one chapter. And some of them, you wouldn't even believe. So when it comes up. I hope you're gonna like it. **

**Random fact **

What Mrs. Jane Collins says about that retarded is only a word and no one could be just a word is actually from a book I like (One child by Torey Hayden. I'd suggest that if you like reading you go read it) I'm not sure the word was retarded there as I've only read it in Swedish. But either way I love that quote, and just had to use it at that point.


	26. It slipped my mind

**So. Here's the sectionals chapter at last. I can't believe I got this far. Oh, and have you noticed it's more than a year since I put this story up? It is! Wow! It feels so much like only yesterday. Oh well, here's the chapter. I hope you like it. **

**Carole POV **

"So are you ready?"

I, Burt, Kurt, Blaine and Christie had all arrived outside McKinley on Friday afternoon December the fifteenth. Burt, Kurt and I to watch it all and Blaine and Christie to be a part of it down on the stage. And just as I unbuttoned the seat belt I turned and looked to Blaine and Christie in the back seat. Blaine nodded happily, while Christie didn't answer and seemed just as happy as she ever did. With just staring grumpily in front of her in a way that just broke my heart since I could remember how she had been before she was like this.

Christie didn't answer me at all, and just stepped out of the car and walked after Blaine over the parking lot holding onto the stage clothes that she hated so badly while Burt talked to Kurt something and we stayed by the car even though I was bouncing up and down with hands shoved as deep as possible in my coat pockets.

"Really guys?" At last I got tired of waiting for them to end up their discussion or whatever they were doing this time. "Can't you take this inside instead? I can't feel my fingers!" Burt ripped his gloves off and handed them to me. "Thank you honey. Well, I don't care whatever you're fighting about this time. I'm going inside. I'll be right outside the auditorium when you come." I turned and quickly walked away towards the school and through the hallway. And almost flinched when I heard someone call out for me.

"Hey, you're Carole right?" A dark girl dressed in the girl's competition clothes stepped over to me with a kind of nervous expression and fingering with the fabric of the dress. And while I tried to remember her name she had introduced herself. "I'm Belle Jolie. And there is this thing I've been wanting to ask you and… if I'm right tell you about it…" She nervously continued fingering with her dress and the plastic flower in her hair. "You were Finn's mum right…"

"Yes."

I was starting to get a really bad feeling about this. And Belle's nervousity didn't make it any better. I probably would have tried to comfort her… but what did Finn had to do with this?

"Well… There is this thing I've been kind of wondering about all semester. And… I'm not telling you I'm right. I hope I'm not but… if I am I think you should know but…" She made a nervous grimace. "He was hit by a car down by the crosswalk by Shane's avenue right?" I nodded, I hated that street! "And I know he wasn't the first or the last who have been hit there… What date was it?"

"April the twenty seventh 2013."

Belle nodded, then suddenly she turned and disappeared and she mumbled something about that she'd be back in a second. I looked around confused to see if I could see where she had went. But couldn't see here now. Until she came pushing a man in a wheelchair in front of her back. Then pulled the brakes in the wheelchair while she got to stand on the side of us both with her arms crossed over her chest and seemed to be on the verge of tears.

"April the twenty seventh 2013 was during a few days when dad had made up his mind he could drive a car again." Belle told me with a thick voice. "Mum, my brother Lenny and I pretty much had to force him to stay at home. But then mum- she's a vet and she had to go do some emergency on whatever. Lenny had a date and I was left alone… I just went to the bathroom and when I came back dad had managed to leave in the car. Don't ask me how. He came back just fifteen minutes or something later and bragged about how he had hit someone with the car and how he just fell. And then he had just left him there outside 7-eleven…." Belle turned away from me and faced her dad. "He was her son." She pointed to me. "He was her son and you just left him there to die. He was her SON. AND YOU KILLED HIM! And he was a much better person than you'll ever be and you killed him… HE WAS HER SON!"

I barely felt it. But Burt must have come up behind me because suddenly I felt his arms around my neck from where he had embraced me from behind. For a moment that was also everything I could feel. Everything had gone black, and every sounds had being replaced by a tense silence despite all the people moving through the hallway towards the auditorium.

Was this… Was the man right there in front of me… Could he really be Finn's… murderer?

"Honey." The first thing I was aware of except for Burt's arms around my neck was once again Burt… and his voice speaking to me as softly as he ever did. "You need to breathe…" I blinked hard, shook my head and returned to reality. But I hadn't had the time to do anything before someone shot right past me and flew onto the man in the wheelchair, hitting him right over.

"I'm gonna kill you." Christie was already on top of the man who was like three times her size. Hitting every spot she could possibly reach "I'm gonna kill you for killing Finn. I'm gonna kill you for killing Finn. I'M GONNA KILL YOU…" She didn't get any further once Burt had let go of me and shot to her. Grabbed her around her waist and pulled her back from Mr. Jolie. And even though she knew she didn't have much to give at this point. Christie kept on struggling to get out of Burt's grip. "I'M GONNA KILL HIM. I'M GONNA KILL HIM. LET ME GO I'M GONNA KILL HIM."

Christie didn't stop when the competition's judges and leaders caught up, discussing rules and whatever this would mean for Christie. That while Belle had been pushed to the side and stood behind me fighting the tears already streaming down her cheeks away and Mr. Jolie still laid on the floor by the wheelchair that laid on its side and pushed away anybody who would come and help him.

"It wasn't my fault." He said, and by the tone in his voice and the way he looked at me I understood he was talking about hitting Finn with the car. "It was an accident and he stepped right out in the road… It was an accident." I shook my head and tried to make up my mind whether I would be angry or just miserable and heartbroken.

"Finn would never have done that." I tried. "He was…"

My own voice sounded weird, distant. Almost as if I was hearing it from the other side of a wall, and I almost didn't recognize it. If I hadn't felt the words slip out from my own lips I wouldn't have known that I was the one who said them.

"Finn?" finally Mr. Jolie let someone help him up into the wheelchair again and slightly moved the wheels so he was so close to me I could look right into his brown eyes… And only that made shivers go through my body. The fact that even sitting down Mr. Jolie was almost as tall as me standing up didn't make him scare me any less though. But no, I was not letting the guy who was the reason that I was a mother without a child scare me.

"It's like all of those other stupid names like Burt or Moe." I shook my head and sighed at him, and bit my lip not to mention any unmentionable terms and get ported for life from McKinley. "I probably did the poor fellow a favor. And it was an accident- so you can hardly put that on me when he's the one who stepped right out in the road."

"Oh you…" At last I couldn't take it anymore and I could feel blood taste in my mouth when I'd bitten my lip too hard. "Finn would never do that. I knew him and he wouldn't. And…" I had to make a pause when my voice threatened to break on me. "And you are a very cruel man. And hardly put it on you?" Without a hesitation I pointed to Belle. "So what if something happened to her? And it turned out I had bene the cause of it and she was so badly hurt she died? Wouldn't you have the right to blame me then like I very much blame you or my son's death?"

"Oh, that would be doing me a favor. Because that one's not good enough for anything anyway?"

Belle gasped, turned and disappeared out of our sight. My chin dropped and for several seconds I stood in loss of what to do or what to say. Then I broke loose from Burt's arms (And if only glares could kill there wouldn't have been much left of Mr. Jolie.) Before I hurried after Belle against the stream of people that were moving towards the auditorium and at last out on the court yard where I spotted Belle on the bottom of the stairs.

"I'm sorry." Already before I had the time to say anything in comfort coming down the stairs Belle cried out her needless apology. "I'm sorry. I should have kept him home. I should have found a way… I'm so sorry it's all my fault." I shushed gently and when I noticed the girl was shivering cold I didn't hesitate to pull my own coat off and lay it over her shoulders.

"Honey…" I sat down on the cold stone stair beneath and put a hand towards her shoulder. And no matter how much I fought for it not to my voice shook and almost broke. "Honey… It's like your father said… it was an accident and none of us could have known it would happen. And we can't even be sure it was what happened."

"No…" Belle interrupted. "I had twisted and turned every single detail. There's no other possible explanation." She put her head in her hands and I laid my arm around her shoulders and fought my tears away. "I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry." I put my other arm around her too to hug her for real and give as much comfort as I could. It didn't matter what my feelings were in this- I had to be there for the children.

"It's not your fault." I told her as calmly as I could possibly say anything right now. "Hey, look at me." She slowly lowered her hands and her brown eyes met my green. "We're gonna have to talk to this more some other time. Okay? Some time when we can talk alone and it's not freezing degrease… For now… we will both just show your dad that we are better than what he thinks and better than him okay?"

"How are we going to do that?"

"Oh and by the way… What I said to him was taking it way too far… But when I found out… that little voice in your head that tells you not to do something… it just slipped my mind."

Not five minutes later we walked back into the hallway and almost right away, and even though I had given my all to fight the rest of the tears and the sobs away until we were back home it took all of the rest of my strength to say what I had told Belle that for right now we just had to…. If not else than to show to Mr. Jolie that we were stronger than him. And so I walked up to Burt and when he got ready to embrace me again I just held up my hand to stop him.

"It's okay. I'm okay."

**Jasper POV **

There was a tense feeling hanging in the air in the choir room where everyone sat after getting changed and the rumor had spread that Christie was talking to the principle and the judges and whoever had to do with the rules for sectionals. Because I guess that jumping on a guy, pushing him out of his wheelchair and shouting that you're gonna kill him is against the rules. Even though I'd be very surprised if that actually were in some kind of rule books. And none of us could really blame her for it, the rumor had also spread that Belle had found out and told Finn's mum that Mr. Jolie was the one who had hit Finn with his car and left him to die.

There wasn't anyone saying a word, and the only sound heard was from people chattering as they moved through the hallways of McKinley and towards the auditorium. And also the two other teams getting their voices ready. While still, in the choir room everyone had taken a seat wherever they could- whether it was on the piano, on the floor or in an actual chair. And everyone were just being quiet.

We all looked up, but still didn't say anything when Belle came into the room. Some of us- including me, passed her a slight smile and Seth stood up, walked over to Belle and embraced her. I didn't even know half of the story but I knew that for me that Finn's death wasn't in any way Belle's fault. Although that was for me- I had never even known Finn! Bradon sat on the floor with his back against the wall, knees bent, arms on his legs and staring right down into the floor. He hadn't said anything or even looked up since he came to the choir room after changing into those converse, white jeans, black button up and pink tie. And didn't seem to plan on doing that either. About Christie… well, we were only waiting to hear anything about her. And when Mr. Blaine came through the door it was the first time as everyone- including Bradon looked up and listened to him speak.

"Christie's been banned from competing with us here today"

For the first that I had noticed Mr. Blaine looked so given up he looked like the whole world's miseries on his shoulders. And he slumped into one of the chairs and put his head in his hands and sighed. He sat like that for so long it actually had me worried and we could hear the first glee club- New Harmony start singing.

"It's only for the songs here today. And she is sitting with Carole, Burt and Kurt in the audience. She doesn't seem too happy but honestly… When is that girl ever happy?" Mr. Blaine sighed and lowered his head again. And actually… I couldn't really do else than agree with him. I had never met a person so constantly grumpy and down as Christie Kyemohr was. "Well… in the part of the choreography where you split up two and two… Who's with Christie? Bradon!... Bradon? Bradon, are you okay?"

I had heard some half- suppressed choking noises from the other side of the choir room but not really noted them. Even though Bradon had been covering his face and all of that it was pretty clear that he'd been crying and if I had heard it I had just thought that he was trying not to. But with Mr. Blaine's worried tone as he asked if the mentioned boy was okay, caused us all to turn our attention towards Bradon who still sat on the floor, and gasping for air.

Keagan jumped down onto the floor from where he sat in the upper row of chairs and sprinted over to Bradon. Grabbing Bradon's backpack he started feeling through it, a worried frown formed on his face while we others could do nothing else than to nervously watch while Keagan turned Bradon's backpack upside down and out fell some tissues, guitar picks, a book and pencils and erasers. But no inhaler.

"I for… forgot it… at home."

Keagan sighed, there wasn't much left for him to do when he sat down on the floor next to his best friend and tried to comfort. Everything there was left to do for us others was to watch, hope for the best and wait… If not… well I guess it could work. If fate decided to work against Murphy's law right now.

I jumped onto my feet and jogged over to the two boys on the floor, without another hesitation I grabbed Bradon by the hand and put his palm against my chest.

"I… Just do what I tell you to. Okay? With your hand against my chest like this you'll be able to feel me breathing. So I want you to… when I breathe in you try to breathe in and while I breathe out you try and breathe out okay?" Bradon just nodded, and honestly I didn't really believe that things could get much worse anyway so he was probably willing to take the chance even if I wasn't the tiniest bit certain this would even work.

I started taking slow, deep breaths and I could tell that while he reached for Keagan's hand with his other hand and Mr. Blaine sat down behind him and patted his back. Bradon's breathing was slowing down slightly (It took a while though) moment by moment. And while we heard New Harmony finishing their last number and Vocal Adrenaline taking on, Bradon let his hand fall down towards his own legs again and his breathing was as good as back to normal again.

"I was thinking about something… Mr. Blaine?" After that Bradon barely took a second to just breathe before he turned to Mr. Blaine and glanced to me while talking hoarsely. "I think I should skip these numbers too. I have been thinking… well… not for long but… I can't sing like this anyway. And Jasper… he should do the first song. It's his song and then we can just skip the problems with what I am gonna do now when Christie's banned from singing with us." Bradon silent and Mr. Blaine seemed to hesitate while I looked from one to the other and tried to take in what Bradon had just said.

"What? No, Bradon you should do it. I'm not good enough. If I do it then we're gonna lose. Mr. Blaine. I'm not good enough. Heck! I won't even be able to stand on that stage and sing because I'll get too nervous and then the whole set of lyrics and everything will just slip my mind and then I'll have ruined all of our chances and everyone will hate me and…"

"JASPER WHATEVER YOUR MIDDLE NAME IS BIRCH"

It was Keagan who shouted, and finally interrupted my rabbling. I stopped abruptly and just sat there and panted for a few seconds while I played what he had just said over and over in my head to realize and understand what he had shouted.

"Finley." I stated at last and watched them raise their eyebrows. "My middle name… Finley."

"Jasper." Bradon coughed and his voice still sounded hoarse and forced. "I can't sing like this anyway. And you're the only one who knows the full song. I know you know it so just, grab that guitar. Get out on the stage and find your sister in the crowd. I know that whenever you sing it it's for her so just watch her and start playing… And then the rest will happen by itself. Okay?" Bradon was looking so hopefully up at me, and I could I tell that hopeful expression no? And while I could feel my heart beating in my chest the rest of the room went quiet as we heard Vocal Adrenaline go into their last song and I could feel everybody's eyes burning in my neck.

"Okay." I agreed at last. "I'll do it… But if we lose then we'll blame it on Bradon. Okay?"

"We're competing against Vocal Adrenaline." Sharon told us all even though everybody knew anyway. "We're gonna lose anyway."

"Don't be like that." Mr. Blaine stood up and walked out into the middle of the room to get everybody to listen to him. "Yes, we're competing against vocal adrenaline. And their coach who is actually my old glee club coach… But what matters isn't who win or who lose. It's that we are here and we're standing here together. And we're not doing this for winning or for Finn or for anybody else than for ourselves and for all of us. Come on." He put his hand out and we all got into a circle and held our hands towards the middle. "For us on three, one, two, three…"

"FOR US"

"I can't do this." Barely two minutes later Vocal Adrenaline and it be just about two seconds until I walked out. "I can't do this." I gripped hard around the neck of the guitar of my guitar that was hanging on my back and glanced over the band. Well, if we could even call it band with Kayla on the piano, Mr. Dom on the electric guitar, Mr. Jonas on harmonica and Wil on the drums. I really didn't believe that I could do this! I'd mess it all up- puke all over the stage or something. But just as I turned to Mr. Blaine to refuse to do this someone pushed me towards the stage and there was no turning back.

To keep from making a fool out of myself as far as possible I pulled the guitar around me to hold it right while I glanced over the audience. It was meant for seeing where Evie was, but I couldn't help but notice how incredibly many people were here. And I couldn't see my family anywhere. And certainly not Evie.

When I knew I was running out of time I had to find her I desperately glanced over the audience and at last spotted mum's, big red curl. And when I found that I just had to look a little bit to the right and I could see to Evie. Who was looking at me, and even from this distance and in the dark I could see her smile and her eyes filled with hope. And for that look to stay for the first time in so very long… I could have given anything.

I couldn't have given her anything. But I knew it would make her happy, for now and probably for long if I made this through so I grabbed the guitar, took a chord. And then started playing and singing and fought away the nervousity. Which- once I saw the big smile on Evie's lips just seemed to slip away from my head and my body. But while I hit one chord after the other on the guitar, and one note after the other along with the words of the song. There was no nervousity to catch me. And just after a few lines I could look away from Evie and over the rest of the audience while I kept on playing and singing. Even though still to Evie. Always for Evie.

And as I just continued singing, I felt the last piece of the nervousity running off and I pulled the guitar around so it was hanging on my back instead and grabbed the microphone towards the end of the song while even feeling a real- and also a big smile form on my lips. And if it could it would have grown even bigger when I glanced over the audience instead and saw the smiles on mum's and dad's faces while Evie wore the biggest one and the rest of the soldiers of Finn's army came and sat down in a line on the stair- thing on the stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen." I almost couldn't speak of relief once the song was over. "We are Finn's army." I turned and backed a few steps. I laid the guitar on the side of the stairs where the audience couldn't see it and sat down by Charlotte furthest to the left (Or to the right if you saw it from the audience's points of view)

Glancing only slightly to my side without moving my head from its spot while Seth and Martina started the duet. And only moved my hand just a little bit and laid it over Charlotte's

"It's okay." I whispered so quietly I was surprised when it seemed like she heard me. "You'll do great… and then the nervousity will just slip your mind. And everything will be fine." Well, it was lame. But I was fourteen! What on earth did you expect?

Still, even though I knew Charlotte and everything. I couldn't do much else for her than to hope and cross my fingers that it would slip her mind for her like it had done for me.

**Belle POV **

"_Belle do you know the parts of the last song that were Christie's solo. Great then you'll do them solo instead of Christie" _

Well… What wouldn't I do for the team?

But still, as I sat there on the stage in between Daniel and Esme and listened as Martina and Seth's duet was going on I started getting nervous. Like really nervous? After all, Mr. Blaine had talked Christie into having that solo and even though the group song was kind of one of my favorite song. It was the one we were doing for Finn. And it was the one I had to just hit to show my dad I was better than what he thought about me… I just had to hit every single word and every single tone.

It had been a question how on earth Seth had managed to find this song and somehow thought it would have something to do with the glee club. But so we (Or at least I) Had listened to it a few times and listened to Seth's explanation that he thought that glee club was just a place where there was always someone to understand or help when you needed it. For whatever you needed it. And I had to say that the song actually did have beautiful lyrics and a beautiful meaning

It felt like ages, but still way too fast before they finished the song and I and Dakota stood up to take our solos in our group songs before we would be done for today- with our songs at least. And just before I started I blinked hard, and decided that whatever it would take… I would let the rest slip my mind and my body… and it didn't matter what Mr. Blaine would say. I was doing this for Finn- and for Carole.

I barely even knew how it went but somehow we got through the song and I could see Carole in the audience both clapping for all she worth but with how close she was to the stage I could still see she was crying and I could spot Burt trying to comfort… Even though both I, he and she would know there wasn't much that could be comfort in this moment.

"Why didn't you tell us you were singing a solo Jazz?" As we were moving up the stairs and into the hallway while the triplets Collins came out onto the stage and started playing the cup song. I had heard that both Harry and Mary hated being on stage like that. But right before I walked from the stairs and out into the hallway where I sat down by Daniel on the floor and waited for the results.

I was just staring right into the floor. We lost anyway! Probably because I had sung it wrong several times and ruined everything for us… And my self-pitying was on a high level but still I couldn't help to notice the guy who stood right by the door to the auditorium and waited and the way Daniel looked on every single person who walked by or came out from the auditorium as if he was waiting on somebody. And even though I could see everyone looking to the boy by the door. No one took the chance to ask, although we all understood as soon as Wil Hughes came up and out of the auditorium too.

"Well… nice work little sis." Wil stopped when she heard that black- haired boy standing right outside the auditorium behind her. "Nice to see you on that stage…. Where you belong and actually… nice to see you again. I haven't met you in a while had I?" Quickly the chocked expression on Wil's face turned into a smile from ear to ear and she jumped around with a screech.

"CODY?"

Watching her jump into the arms of her older brother, bright smiles on both of their faces I could feel a lump rise in my throat. It didn't matter how bad or good I had done my solos. Or how good or bad the others did it. My brother hadn't been here to see it and honestly… I would really have needed Lenny here right now. He'd understand everything and know exactly the right things to say. He always understood, and he always knew just the right things to say.

I had been wondering about it since I heard that Finn had been hit by a car… But I still couldn't really believe that my dad was the one who had killed him.

My thoughts were interrupted when Wil let go of her brother, or more about her brother letting go of her with a worried expression on his face as a tall man I'd never seen before (But damn it, that must have been somewhat a miracle because he was like two meters tall) With a boy, perhaps seven or eight lying in his arms bridal style holding a vomit bag in his hands.

"Tommy? Dad what happened?"

"I think he just got a bit too over excited. He had a seizure but it can't have lasted ten seconds. Either way, I think we should go home. Wil if you want to stay I guess you and Cody could come afterwards or do you want to come now." Mr. Blaine was already over to Wil while she looked around and a woman and one boy after the other came out into the hallway.

"Well… Mr. Blaine. Meet my family. Mum Cora, dad Matthew. And then oldest to the youngest…" She pointed to one of the boys as she spoke their names one and one. "Jeffrey, Cody, Ken, me. James and Andrew can't tell which one is who. Nick, Tommy, Evan and Philip. Can't tell you which one is who. But… Tommy has epilepsy and had a seizure so… I think we need to go home." Mr. Blaine nodded and patted Wil's shoulder. "And no. I do not have any sisters and yes, I do have ten brothers. Well, keep me updated." Just as she left we were called back into the room and we all walked down the stairs and pulled Jasper- who had been talking to his family in the pause with us down the rest of the way from the half.

"And… Here we go… On third place…" The judge- country singer Cole Michaels read the results out loud while I took Daniel's hand in one. And Jasper's in the other. "…Here we go from… Whatever this school is called I can't really pronounce that NEEEEWWW HARMONY!" I felt my heart beating even faster. So it was in between us and vocal adrenaline for the winner- well we all knew it wasn't going to be us anyway didn't we! "And… on second place… From… Carmel high. VOCAL ADRENALINE."

I would have given anything to have had a camera here and take a photo of the Vocal Adrenaline's expressions as they realized they didn't win. And about two seconds later when we all realized it would make us the winners. Heck! We were going to regionals.

"AND THAT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN MAKES OUR WINNERS HERE TODAY. ON THEIR HOME FIELD FIIIIIIINN'S ARMY." The cheering was so loud I could barely hear my own thoughts. And somewhere in the crowd I spotted Carole… And all of the happiness just slipped my mind and my body when I saw her forcing a smile through the tears that I could see on her cheeks.

And I didn't even mind getting to touch the trophy like all of the others seemed to want. I just backed away and slipped out of the group and soon. Everything but the thoughts of what must have happened the night I let dad slip out… it had just all slipped out of my mind and left nothing to hold onto. Except for misery and blame.

**Daniel POV**

"AH. WE WON, WE WON." Martina shouted in a happy rage and threw her arms around my neck. Then moved her hands down and took my hands and started making a move to jump around in circles. But abruptly stopped when she realized I was only standing still staring towards the door. I couldn't walk out of this room just yet- people would start to wonder and I would have to tell them what was going on… So I just stood there and stared towards the door.

On the stage when I walked out I thought I had caught a glimpse of a person I recognized, dad's brown hair and mum's blonde. But I forgot where I had seen it and no matter how much I tried to look where I thought I had seen them. But I couldn't catch another glimpse, or anything that would tell me I had seen right.

But they had promised they'd be here!

_Don't worry Dan. We'll make sure that no matter how late this plane is we'll be in Lima in town to see you and your glee club preform. I promise. _

That was the first time I had spoken to dad since that fiasco of a talk during the mid- term holidays when I was thrown out of the pharmacy for talking too loud on the phone. And he had called me to say that their plane was late. They had missed another flight. And honestly, I would be surprised if they came here for Christmas.

"Daniel?" Martina's voice brought me back to reality. "What's up with you today? Here." She handed me a can of cola. "Have a drink. You seem to be all gone today." I sighed. "Oh come on Dan. What's the matter?" I shook my head, then turned to her. And just had to realize that my parents had broken their promise- again!

"Danny?"

Just as I had turned towards the other and let the thought about my parents go, I heard a very well- known voice behind me and I closed my eyes for a brief moment. Was I hearing things? I didn't open my eyes until I felt someone tugging my sleeve.

"That woman over there called out for you." Martina pointed towards the doorway and I but my jaws hard together and crossed my fingers. Finally, after all of these so very long months alone… Could she really be?

"Mum?"

I flew onto my feet and ran towards the doorway. Mum was two and a half decimeters shorter than me and in the move when I hugged her I lifted her up. She was left hanging in my arms with her feet hanging a good bit over the floor while I forced the tears away. Yet still a couple of ones escaped my eyes and dripped down into mum's shirt. And that dad stood right behind her, I didn't really notice that.

"Come on Dan." At last dad got tired of waiting. "I haven't seen you September neither I want a hug too." When I heard where dad was going I tried to cut him off- but too late and for a moment I prayed to God that no one from the glee club or any of the others had heard him. Because if they did I would probably…

"SINCE SEPTEMBER?"

It had been bad enough if only one person heard it! Now Martina and Carole shouted at the exact same time. Which could only mean two things. One, they had both heard. And two- none of them would shut up before they had the answers, all of the answers. And what was worse was that I had (Actually I think everybody had) Seen Carole crying and if… Damn it, why did I have to be the one to break even more about how I had lied and she would be so disappointed?

"So that was why your parents were out of town every time I asked? And it was why you kept on eating frozen meals since you couldn't cook. And it was why you'd take the chance whenever you could eat at mine. And it was why you rather stayed at Carole's and had her all over you when you had a concussion instead of going home to your mum and having her all over you."

"CONCUSSION?"

This time it was mum and dad's time to sound surprised and I grimaced already before they had turned to me and quickly came up with something to say while I could tell Mr. Blaine was trying to get the rest of Finn's army's soldiers not to concentrate on this while I pulled with me Martina who pulled with her Carole, who pulled with her Burt in one hand. And dad who pulled with him mum out to an empty classroom to get some privacy.

"Mum, dad. This is my friend…"

"Get to the point Daniel." When I heard the very, very serious tone in dad's voice I sighed. "And get to the point… now!" I grimaced again and ruffled in my hair to save some time and tried to pull out on it as far as possible. "Daniel Jeremiah Vincent!" I sighed- okay, there dad used my full name… here went all or nothing and I started with turning to Martina and Carole and… hold on! How had Burt ended up here too? Oh well!

"Martina… Carole… Burt. This is my parents. Stephen and Julie Vincent. When dad travels with work mum goes with him and they went to wherever in September and haven't been home since. Mum, dad. I had a concussion a few weeks ago but it wasn't a big deal. I was fine. And it was all because Martina here tried to teach me how to dance and you know how that would go dad."

Dad was probably the only person in the world who was an as bad dancer as I was myself- probably because I had gotten my dancing not- so- much- skills from him! So it wouldn't take much more explanation than that!

"Daniel…" Mum started, and the disappointed tone in her voice only broke my heart- I hated disappointing her. "Have you got something you want to say?" I grimaced slightly, and tried to come up with a good answer soon.

"It just sort of slipped my mind." Mum and dad both glared at me. "I'm sorry…" I turned to Burt, Carole and Martina. "I'm sorry. It just sort of slipped my mind." I tried to come up with something that would break the awkward silence. But before I had the time Carole came in and saved me pointing towards my mum with a weird expression on her face.

"Hold on a minute… Julie… Julie… Julie… Petrie?" Mum nodded- Petrie was her last name before she married my dad. "Ehrm…" Carole pointed to herself. "Kyemohr… Don't you remember?" A light seemed to go up for mum before it was her time to grimace and she glanced to my dad. Oh… I guessed she had let something slip her mind too.

"A hundred years ago I was dating another guy named Stephen." Mum said, almost all in one word. "He's Carole little brother. He wasn't nice. We broke up. Like ten years later I met you end of story." Dad looked kind of amused while mum and Carole started talking and I breathed out… well that was before I saw the look on dad's face when he looked to me.

It didn't matter if I had let telling them about every little thing that had happened during the fall and let it slip my mind. Or that mum seemed to have let talking about it slip her mind right now… Dad was for certain not going to let it slip his mind.

**So well… We now know who killed Finn- And that was Belle's dad because Belle let him somehow get into the car and drive away. Both Belle and Carole are pretty messed up about this. Carole seems pretty messed up but still doesn't want to show not to make Belle blame herself even worse and Belle just wants her brother and wants to show her dad she's better than him- which she kind of did. Jasper got to sing the solo when Bradon had an asthma attack and decided that that was the way it should be. And he managed to do it with the help of his sister. Wil have got a ton of brothers, one who made a surprise visit and made Belle feel even worse since she was jealous. One of them have got epilepsy and they had to go home. And at last Martina and Burt and Carole now know that Daniel was alone all autumn while his parents know that he had a concussion and no one's happy with him keeping secrets. Then it comes out that Daniel's mum used to date Carole's brother… who is an ass. So to say at least and also Christie's dad. But even though the other seem to have forgotten about Daniel's keeping secrets, Stephen Vincent definitely haven't! But hey… they won sectionals and are going to regionals YAY! **

**Playlist  
**Jasper- Count on me- Billy Gilman  
Seth/ Martina- Pray for you- The Swon Brothers  
Group with solos by Belle/ Dakota- If I die young- the band Perry  
Triplets Collins- The cup song (when I'm gone)- Anna Kendrick

**Daniel's parents- Stephen and Julie are portrayed by Stephen Root and Julie Bowen (Yes I used their real first names!) Stephen Kyemohr- Carole's brother (Don't ask me how that Stephen- Stephen thing happened! Even when both Daniel and Christie are my characters) is portrayed by Regan Burns. Mr. Jolie by Don Cheadle. Evie is portrayed by Charlotte Salt, and Michelle Birch (Jasper and Evie's mum) by Alex Kingston. And his dad by Alex Walkinshaw. Wil is portrayed by Rowan Blanchard and her brother Cody by Mitchell Musso. Tommy is portrayed by (younger) Bobby Coleman and their dad by Guy Henry. Their mum is portrayed by Maria Canals Barrera. Jeffrey by Michael Socha. Ken by Uriah Shelton. James and Andrew by (younger) Noah Marullo. Nick by Tenzing Norgay Trainor, and at last the younger twins Evan and Philip both by August Maturo. Judge Cole Michaels by (younger) Blaine Larsen. **

**(Did you think about that two of three songs that they did in the competition were made of sibling band? Since the Swon brothers are well… The Swon brothers. And the band Perry are sister and brothers Perry) **

**The name for glee club New Harmony was one of them sent in while I was holding a competition for what Finn's army's name was going to be. New Harmony came from Babygleefan11. **

**Oh, and if anyone out there is named Finn, Burt or Moe. I don't in any ways dislike any of those names… Finn and Moe are so sweet. I absolutely adore the name Finn! But it was put there to give that line to Mr. Jolie. **

**If you could- in the reviews, or send me a pm write the titles and so for Christmas songs you like it would be so awesome, oh yeah. I know loads of Christmas songs. Problem? Yeah most of them I know are in either Swedish or Norwegian. And I think both you and I would prefer if the songs in this story would be in English. **

**Random fact **

I have actually planned the part where Carole finds out that Mr. Jolie drove the car that hit and killed Finn for months. I think I thought of it during one of this year's first walks from town to the area where my dad works… So that would have been like April. And when I first thought of it I was like 'no. No that's just too much' but so I started thinking and wrote to Gleekfreak908 and asked what he thought about it and… you could see the results for yourself I guess.


	27. I can't believe it

**New polyvore  
-Wilson Goran. Character, will turn up in future chapters **

**I realized that when I put up the last chapter. I had forgotten to put Mady as mascot in it. But I think I've got an idea on how to make it work and explain it anyway. Hopefully you'll all think it works.**

**Bradon POV**

_Hello guys. I just wanted to tell you one more time that you did awesome last Friday. All of you, but it doesn't end there and I suppose it doesn't come as no surprise that this week- which is the last one before the Christmas holidays. Will have the theme of Christmas songs. On Friday, at four PM. Right before we all go on Christmas holidays we will have a small concert with up to five songs in the gym. So we will rehearse every day until then. So first rehearsal today, at three. Be there. _

_-Mr. Blaine. _

Thinking about our victory just three days ago, I couldn't fail to let a smile form on my lips and I closed my locker, pushed my phone back into my pocket and headed towards the choir room before the first lesson. I wouldn't actually have had to go there for another several hours, but I just needed to catch up with Mr. Blaine and let him hear some ideas I had. And as I thought I would, I found him in the choir room riffling in the ragged books with sheet music that we'd been given.

"Hey." I greeted. "I was wondering. And I'll have to make this short because my math starts soon and. Do you think we could do some kind of secret Santa project? And as well, maybe an operation paperback? I know it's a bit late. But for operation paperback everyone who have books to give can just take books that they haven't got use for anymore from home. And for secret Santa we could meet up the first day after the holidays and switch the presents."

"Hmmm." Mr. Blaine scratched his neck. "I don't think I've heard about operation paperback before. But I'll definitely look it up. About the secret Santa part that actually does sound really good. And it might work. Let me think about it for today okay?" I nodded. "Okay, now get to your lesson. See ya!"

I smiled and nodded goodbye before turning and heading towards the math classroom. And suddenly I was just filled by such- pure feeling of happiness. I couldn't help but to let a smile form on my lips again, I held my head high and had an extra bit of skip in my steps when I walked through the hallway while I could see the winter sun reaching through the windows and lighting the hallways up. And right then, right there. Nothing could have destroyed my happiness.

Well…

"Geek." I had barely registered it was Alex's voice when I suddenly felt something very cold and very stick on my face. And dripping in under my shirt and down my throat while my eyes burned and I couldn't even breathe.

"Unbelievable." Barely had I gotten my breath back when Keagan was right by my side, with a pack of tissues that he first of all wiped my eyes with so I could see again. "Come on." He grabbed my hand and pulled me with him through the hallway and into the bathroom. "Screw what the teacher says. We need to get you cleaned up? Have you got another shirt with you?" I pointed to my backpack. I always did. "It's unbelievable how Alex treats you… Doesn't he get how lucky you are all to have each other?"

I sighed. And for a moment thought back to when I was little. Ben would always be the one sitting by the TV or with homework, and therefore didn't look to me much. Haiden mostly just read or hang around at different friends' houses. Alex and I had been better friends… and then… as the years went by, things had just changed. Now Ben and Haiden were both nice to hang out with, and Alex was… impossible to have anything to do with.

I couldn't believe it neither!

"I can't believe you didn't tell me about it!" Martina was stating as I entered the choir room where she was sitting next to Daniel in the afternoon. "Dan… I can't believe you didn't tell me that your parents were gone all autumn. I know I didn't know you the whole autumn but I can't believe I didn't figure it out when you kept on saying your parents were out of town. And I can't believe you didn't tell me!" Daniel sighed.

"Why would I tell you Marti? It wasn't anything you could have done about it anyway."

"I could have let you stay at mine. Or let you come to ours for dinner more times, since you didn't even tell me you lived on Tesco sandwiches, and canned and microwave food." Daniel sighed and Martina seemed somewhat hurt. "I just… You should have told me Daniel! You should have told anyone! We're your friends. And friends usually tell things like that instead of going on with one lie after the other."

"I never lied to anyone. I just… kept the truth away from people."

"Also known as lying."

"I didn't lie!"

"Okay, okay." Mr. Blaine put an end to their discussion. Although I had a feeling it wasn't going to end right there. "Well… Let us just get to the rehearsal. And first of all. Bradon came with the suggestion for everyone to be and have a secret Santa. And that will be all of you, including me. Mr. Dom, Mr. Jonas, Kayla and Wil."

"Can I be a part of it too?" Mady asked, and I noticed she was wearing the shark costume making her our mascot. And if the band was a part of it then Mady should be too. She had been here for a good bit longer than Wil. But Mr. Blaine hesitated and Mady stood up, walked over to Mr. Blaine and looked up at him with her best puppy eyes.

"Pretty please… Pretty… Pretty?"

"Okay then. You're a part of this glee club so I couldn't see why not anyway. Go sit back down." Mady happily skipped back to her chair. "I'm sorry you couldn't be there on regionals. I heard the asthma was acting up a bit?" Mady nodded. "Yeah, I can hear you've got a cold. But well… we will be having a Christmas concert on Friday in the gym. Maybe you can come then, and be our mascot."

"No Mads," Benjamin interrupted. "You need to be in school then." Mady pouted. "I'm sorry. But there's nothing I can do about it." Mady hung her head and looked down, and I could see she was really disappointed while it seemed that Mr. Blaine was thinking very hard about something. And guessing what wasn't so hard to figure.

"Maybe… I'll have a talk with Miss Campbell about it. And I need to talk to your teacher Mady. But maybe we could invite your class here too?" Mady's eyes lit up again and she nodded. "I can't promise you anything. But anyway. Bradon suggested to do a Secret Santa thing. And to know who you will be buying a present for you just pull a little piece of paper out of this hat." He wrote Mady's name on a little piece of paper, folded it and put it in the hat he had lying upside down on the piano. "And while you do that. Bradon, why don't you explain that thing operation paperback to us?"

"Well…" I started. "I already signed up for it and had an email about that it's gone through so the easiest would be to do it through my account. Anyway, you gather books that you can give away and send in a list. And then are matched with people that you send the books to. That are veterans, soldiers overseas and family members of the soldiers."

"I am so doing that." Belle interrupted me. "Mr. Blaine? What do I do if I pulled my own name?" Mr. Blaine laughed slightly and held out the hat, Belle threw the once again folded piece of paper and then picked a new one. "Okay, this one's okay."

"So, only because so that no one that haven't got the money will feel pressured to pay more than what you have. None of the presents can cost anything more than twenty dollars, okay? Twenty one is okay. But not twenty five or thirty or anything more than that. And no one pays anything more for it than what they know they can afford. And, for the same reason. We don't gather here to give everything. But you can give it this week, during the Christmas holidays or at the first few day's after the holidays. That way everyone will get something from someone in here, but no one will feel pressured to put more money into it than what they can afford." Lea-Marie snorted.

"What the heck could you get for twenty dollars or less? I know for a fact I wouldn't even want anything that cheap!" Mr. Blaine pressed his lips hard together. And I could tell that he was fighting hard not to snap back at her. Instead he just glared at her and Lea- Marie sunk back towards the back support of her chair while Mr. Blaine held the hat towards me and I grabbed a little piece of paper and unfolded it.

_Lea- Marie _

Damn it!

I could not believe that I had just drawn the name that one and only person that it wouldn't matter what on earth I came up with. I still wouldn't ever make her happy anyway.

**Benjamin POV **

I and Mady did the shopping for our secret Santa presents in the town's Red Cross thrift shop already on Monday afternoon while mum was at work for the evening. And I really felt like I couldn't have found a more perfect present. Mady however… Oh well, at least she was excited and the one it went to would act like he loved it if she so gave him salt. And then everything left was to during glee club during the Tuesday and at first we played rock-paper- scissors about who would get to go first. And for once I won against my sister. Wow! That just about never happened.

"Here." I handed Esme the present. "I hope you like it. I thought I'd give them here at glee club. Then Mady could give hers too." Mady held up a present. "But we agreed that I could give you this one first. I guess it's a bit much but… I couldn't decide. I hope you have nothing against second hand things. Because I bought them all at that Red Cross store and…"

"Shut up and let me open it. And no I've got nothing against second hand. Like half of my wardrobe are from that store."

"Okay, sorry." I waited silently while Esme unwrapped her present. And it seemed like I was more nervous and excited for if Esme would like it or not. "I hope you like it." I smiled a bit nervously just as she got out the plastic bag and reached her hand down to pull up all items in front of her on the piano and glanced over them. "I understood it you liked the fault in our stars." Esme's chin dropped and she glanced over the pyjamas with tank top and shorts and the print on the tank top saying 'maybe okay will be our always' and a sweatshirt with those 'Okay? Okay- clouds'.

"I- I love it. Thank you Benjamin. I was thinking just last night that I needed more PJ's. And I… I adore the fault in our stars and this is the best damn Christmas present I have ever had." I smiled again and felt the happiness well up inside of me. "Really, thank you." Esme gave me a quick hug and so kissed my cheek slightly. And I was pretty sure that if I had been straight or bi I would have fallen like a tree in full hurricane.

"Can I give my present to Keagan now?" Mady came up with the present she was giving to me seeming impatient and eager. And I couldn't tell her no so I just nodded bye to Esme and followed Mady to Keagan who had looked up from the book on his lap when he heard his name being spoken- "Here Keagan. I was your secret Santa, and here's your present." Mady held the small, soft present wrapped in princess paper towards her older friend and Keagan smiled right away and ripped off the paper to find three sponges shaped like horses. One green, one blue and one pink.

"Wow Mady. This is amazing." Keagan stated. I had a feeling it was mostly acting. "Oh, you know what? I was looking at these just the other day, and it was just barely that I bought them. So we're lucky I didn't. Wow." Keagan gave Mady a quick hug just as the door to the choir room opened and Mr. Blaine came in to see them hugging and smiled slightly.

"So." Mr. Blaine started "If you can just all get into the chairs and we'll start this rehearsal with a song I thought we could do as a group number. I'm not so sure though, it's kind of a hard song but I think you can make it. So, I think you all know the song so we'll just try it right up and down." Mr. Blaine lifted his hands and started gesturing while we started singing.

The first part of the song went alright, then in the refrain came a long tone that just went lower and lower while no one that would sing it got a chance to catch their breath. Christie who seemed troubled by her renal more than usual was too out of breath to sing even half through it. Then Bradon and even Lea- Marie- who both had asthma had to give up and Bradon started coughing. And before the tone was over both I, Keagan and Sharon had to give up too.

"OKAY. OKAY. OKAY." Mr. Blaine shouted and gestured with his hands, palms down and back and forth. "Not that one. But it's okay. We can find another one. So, how many have got songs to suggest and preform today? Charlotte? Seth? Okay, ladies first." Mr. Blaine gestured towards the floor while the rest of us was sitting down and Mr. Blaine patted Charlotte's shoulder. "Take your time. There's no reason to be nervous." I could tell that Charlotte was nervous, and she asked Mr. Blaine something that I couldn't hear. "Yeah sure. Whatever feels best for you." Charlotte nodded and pulled up some sheet music that she handed to Kayla. "Only piano for this one okay." Charlotte was still standing with her back against us, with her hands on the piano also when she started speaking.

"In the world we live in today, many people seem to have forgotten about why it really is that we have Christmas. They believe it is there for all of the presents and not for… well… Jesus. That it's just always been like that." Charlotte made a pause to take a breath, and I heard her voice going shakier and shakier. Even though in the beginning she had sounded more secure than I had ever heard. "For me and my sister and dad not to forget. Mum used to sing this song, and I mean… I can't sing it as good as her. But… I thought I'd give it a try."

I felt a slight pinch in my heart when Charlotte told us she wouldn't be able to sing the song as her mum had used to. And I felt sad for her, Charlotte hadn't spoken about her mum in glee club before and everyone- including me were or seemed surprised that she had mentioned her now. And it was also because Charlotte just didn't seem to know how good she actually was. I hadn't know how good Mrs. Amato were at singing- but I was pretty sure that with her voice, Charlotte did it at least as good. Even though she didn't know it herself.

And maybe not knowing how good she actually was had a part in why Charlotte stayed with her back against us others. However, that didn't keep us from knowing that this was damn amazing! The whole song was, but drawing close to the end of the song there was a tone so high everyone who knew the song- including me, were crossing their fingers for her to make it.

I didn't think that would have been needed though, Charlotte hit the note perfectly. I could see Seth dropping some papers and his chin dropped while he stared down to the blonde girl in the middle of the room. And Mr. Blaine was so impressed he hadn't been able to help himself with standing up and held his hands in his hair like he used to while his chin had dropped.

"Wow." When the song was over Mr. Blaine wasn't slow with getting down onto the floor. "I'm not so sure it's the right song for the concert. But that was amazing. Honestly I didn't want that to end but it did so… Seth, your turn. And oh before I forget it again." Mr. Blaine pulled up a small, flat present of his bag and threw it to Seth. "I was your secret Santa." Seth wasn't slow with unwrapping it, and started laughing when he found a phone case printed like a bag of sour patch kids. "I've seen you sneak those bags into the library even though you and I both know perfectly well you can't bring food or drink there. But, oh well… Is it the right phone case?" Seth nodded. "Okay then. Well. Can we hear your song?" Seth put the phone case in his bag and stepped down onto the floor.

"Well, I was going with the same theme as Charlotte that with. We have kind of forgotten what Christmas is really about. May I?" Seth looked to Kayla, and Kayla moved to let Seth sit down. "I know you guys- except for Bradon, understand a word of it but. It does mean a lot to me, because like Charlotte can remember Mrs. Amato singing that earlier song… I don't remember much of my biological parents but. I can remember my mum singing this so… Here we go."

I couldn't believe it. And by the looks on the other's faces they were thinking about the same thing as I was. We hadn't heard neither Charlotte nor Seth talk about their mum, respective biological parents. And suddenly we had heard about them both. I guessed Christmas time did just have a way of bringing out something sentimental in all of us.

Like Seth had thought, I and nor anyone else in the room understood a word of the song. And that made it hard to tell the verses from the refrains. But still, there was a tone. A feeling in the song and a feeling about what the song was about that caused shivers to spread in my whole body. And for a split moment I couldn't even catch my breath.

And then the song was over and done.

"Well, that was really good." Mr. Blaine stated and stood up when we had clapped our hands for Seth. "But… as you probably understand I don't think we could do a song in Swedish for the concert. But brave choice… So, I need to take Christie to the hospital and I think Mady is coming with me home since you've got work today right?" Mr. Blaine looked questioning to me and I nodded. "So we have to end it there, but great job everyone. I can't wait to see what you've all got next. Great job."

"Hey, stripper-son." I ignored the guy who had been saying it as soon as I and Dakota came out into the hallway. But it wasn't hard to guess and I recognized the voice as Avery Benson's. "Oh and Gaydar alert." Dakota stopped, and started turning to snap back at Avery. But before he had the time I grabbed Dakota's T-shirt and pulled him with me through the hallway and out.

"Stop it Benjie." Kota tried to push me away from him. "Stop it. Okay, I get the picture. You don't want me to answer that Benson- guy so okay. I won't. But let go of me… I'm just angry at him. Not for saying that about me but for saying that about you. It doesn't matter to him if your mum's a stripper but…"

"SHE'S NOT A STRIPPER"

When Dakota- like so many others before him said the slightest thing about my mum being a stripper (Which she wasn't!) I saw red off anger, and first after shouting I realized we were still in school and just about every person in the hallway had turned to stare at us. I grabbed Dakota by the shirt again, and pulled him out with me and then let him go to walk down the road and towards Dakota's house for him, and Hummel tires and lube for me. But not until just about five minutes later, when I shoved my hands in my pockets and shivered slightly in my thin coat I continued.

"She's a waitress. It's not her f*cking fault ever f*cking business man that ever f*cking comes think that they have got the right to f*cking f*ck her. And then I'm the one there to pick up the pieces." I ran my hands through my hair in a distressed move. "I'm sorry. I can't believe I just told you that. I never should have. Anyway, someone thought she was a stripper and through that it was spread out in the whole town and being stripper- son is a whole lot worse than being junkie- son. Sorry, I don't know why I told you this. I guess it's all supposed to be secrets."

"You don't have to keep anything secret to me Benjie." Dakota said reassuring. "You're my best friend and I won't leave because the whole town got something wrong. I met her and she's okay. And I don't care if she is a stripper or whatever else. Anyway, you have to get to work. So I'll just." Dakota gestured backwards towards his house. "See you tomorrow. Or today if you decide you want to talk to me about something and come over." I just smiled back at him and smiled while I turned towards the road again and walked towards Hummel's.

And that's where that stupid feeling stroke, and through the rest of the afternoon and the evening it kept on striking when I least expected it. And my intuition was seldom wrong, the last time it was like this we had gotten a call from the police about that my dad was in the hospital and in a coma. That he probably wouldn't and never woke up again. And maybe that was why I couldn't help to worry about the feeling but still tried to ignore it and told myself that I was wrong. Even though that changed…

When I woke up on Thursday morning, before I woke up Mady I could hear mum sobbing from her bathroom. I quickly woke up Mady and told her to go get some breakfast, and so knocked on the door to mum's bathroom.

"Mum? Are you okay? Can I come in?" Mum didn't answer, but I heard her footsteps and she unlocked the door and opened it and showed me to get in quickly, so that's what I did and locked the door behind me. I was on the verge of asking what was going on, but I didn't have to when I saw the pregnancy test lying by the sink. "Oh… Have you taken it?" Mum shook her head and I sat down on the bench and took her into my lap just like she had done with me when I was little. Before I was three decimeters taller than her that would have been.

"It's okay." I rubbed her back. And then more or less forced her off my lap no matter how much it hurt me to do so. "I know the drill." I moved my head downwards and took mum's hand and together, with one hand each we opened the pack of the pregnancy test. "I'll be right here." And mentally, I beat up the person who had done this to her. And couldn't even believe someone would.

And whether she would turn out to be pregnant or not. I couldn't believe that anyone and everyone kept on doing this to my mum. And I couldn't believe that I didn't do anything about it. Because I didn't believe it when I thought there was nothing I could do.

**Sharon POV**

_Can you come to the choir room? Now. _

_-Mr. Blaine _

I turned on my heel and walked towards the choir room, where Mr. Blaine already sat on the piano and the band were sitting by their respective instruments. Just when I came in it seemed like I was the first one of the students (Well, except for Kayla and Wil) but just after me came Esme. And when we both sat in each end of the chairs in the back. I couldn't help but feel the tension in between us.

I still couldn't believe what I had done. I still couldn't believe I had hurt her like that. And honestly, I would have given anything and everything to take it back. Anything and everything to know what to say to make it all right. And I opened my mouth to say something, but closed it again when I couldn't come up with anything that would have been close to good enough. And just as I did Dakota and Benjamin came in, chattering as usual, and I couldn't help but envy them. I had had that sort of relationship. And I couldn't believe I had blown it all away.

"So." When everybody were there- or almost everybody. Belle wasn't here yet Mr. Blaine started speaking. "I've asked Belle to be here a bit later." He handed out some papers. "And we need to fix this before she comes. She'll come anytime. And as you can see the lyrics are marked. And where they are marked I want you to stop singing. In the concert you do that. But so that Belle doesn't guess anything, as long as we're still in rehearsals we still sing everything together. Okay? Great." Just as Mr. Blaine finished Belle came walking in and Mr. Blaine breathed out to have had the time to say what he needed before she heard it.

"Am I late?"

"No, no. I think I wrote the wrong time. But we just started so…" Mr. Blaine handed Belle a paper. "We will do two songs in the gym on Friday. First this one. And then I thought we could do this one you know…" Mr. Blaine hummed. "And since it's so short then someone could sing through it once as a solo. And then we all join in and sing it once again. And I was thinking since I spoke to everyone who will have to do it… Mady… Would you like to sing a solo?"

Mady's smile was shining from ear to ear when she nodded, and she seemed to be in loss of words about her happiness. So she just let go of saying anything at all and jumped down from her chair, then ran down to Mr. Blaine and threw her arms around his waist. We could all hear Mr. Blaine chuckling. And his smile was almost as big as Mady as she thanked him over and over again.

"Okay Mads. That's enough." At last her big brother more or less pulled her away. "Okay, so let's rehearse that first song shall we?"

"So, have you got a present for that girl you were secret Santa to?" Mum asked that evening as soon as I came home from town for looking for just what she asked to. "Oh, can I see it?" I nodded coming into the kitchen and pulled up the bag in which the pyjamas I had thought would suit Christie laid. "I've got the world's best aunt." Mum read from the print of the shirt "I thought you had the world's best aunt."

"Yeah, Aunt Karen is great." I joked. "But her aunt is Carole… Whoa." Mum threw a towel at me. "Kidding. I was just kidding. But I mean, I wouldn't trade Aunt Karen for the world. But Christie's aunt is great too. And besides, Christie's so tiny she probably fits into this tiny little pyjamas that is for six to ten years old. And she's also at the hospital a lot so I mean… I know if I'm in hospital I'd much rather wear a somewhat nice pyjamas than those ugly patient gowns." I grimaced to show mum exactly how ugly I thought they were and unfolded the T shirt and the shorts so mum could see it all before I had to wrap it.

"I'm making your dad's favorite for dinner. You know mince with cabbage and whatever else." I grimaced at the sound of the word cabbage. "Nothing of that Shar. You don't have to eat that. But it won't be done until we come home from the airport, so you can go wrap that present and whatever you want until we're going to pick him up." I nodded, took the pyjamas and went into my room, and started with changing into a pair of maternity tights- turquoise with black skulls and crossbones on them, and a big black sweater that I had 'borrowed' from my dad a few years ago but never given back.

From today on, dad would move to Lima. A big truck with his things would be driving from California to Lima with all of his things sometime in January. But dad himself would come with a plane today and stay with my mum and I over Christmas and New Year's.

I started humming while I wrapped Christie's present, trying to make the time go faster, and not exactly helping with looking at the clock every second ten seconds to check if it was time to go and pick up my dad from the airport yet. And soon my random humming had gone into one of my favorite Christmas songs. Maybe I could suggest this one in glee club. And besides, these last few months of my pregnancy was probably the last few silent nights I'd get in another few years after the baby had been born.

"Mum, mum, mum, mum." As soon as the clock had reached six and it was only half an hour left until the plane would land I ran into the kitchen. "Can we go to the airport now? Please, please, please, please. He'll be here very soon." Mum didn't answer, but smirked slightly and grabbed her car keys to go. "Mum? What will actually happen if dad is here for a few days, and then move to Lima?"

"Don't worry about it Shar. I and your dad are adult people. We can be close to each other without fighting every day." I nodded. "And we can worry about it yourselves and you certainly shouldn't." Mum took her coat. In my excitement I had already pulled it on. "Okay, let's go then." If I hadn't been five and a half months pregnant I would have jumped the whole way down the driveway and into the car. I had only seen my dad once or twice a year since ten years ago, when mum and dad got a divorce and I and mum moved to Lima from California to be closer to my aunt. And the thought of that he was finally moving here too to be close with the baby and everything. Well finally I was getting something good out from all of it!

Another time where I would have been jumping was standing by the gate and seeing all of the passengers coming. One after one- and dad would for certain came last of the hundred and fifty the plane could take- he always came last!

At last the only ones left standing by the gate were me, mum and a couple perhaps in their thirties or early forties. The gate ran empty and we looked towards the doors, while if that wouldn't have set the alarm off, I would have run through the gate and into the plane if I so had to. And was pretty much going to when I could finally see dad coming towards us holding the hand of a little boy that must be the son of the couple.

"There you are Daniel." The man of the couple said and reached out his arms to take the boy, perhaps four or five and lift him up. "And who's this. William Schuester." The man shook hands with my dad.

"Daniel was a bit afraid to get off the plane. But, it went well when I shook his hands. Hey, Adam." Dad shook hands with Daniel's mum as well. "And hi." Finally dad turned to me, and I ran straight up into his arms and hugged him as tight as I possibly could. "Hello Hanna." Dad took my mum's hand. "Oh come here." He held out his arms. "You can hug me you know." I smiled, dad was such a hugger.

That night, I fell asleep feeling safe for the first time in God knows how long. And even though I couldn't believe it myself. I knew it was because dad had crawled down into the bed next to me and was holding me in his arms. Just like he would when I was little.

On Friday, right before the concert I walked into the gym. At first I thought I was alone, but so I heard someone playing on the piano that had been put in there for the concert. And next, when a voice sounded through the big room, I recognized the voice as Christie's. And didn't make another sound not to scare her away.

And even though it made me feel sad, with the song's lyrics. I was having shivers all over to hear her voice. And as well, realizing how much these lyrics must fit in with what she was feeling with everything that had happened for her for just the last six months or something. And with the realization that Christie might or might not get another chance.

"Hi" when the song ended I walked onto the stage and acted like I hadn't seen or heard anything. But still Christie flinched and I heard the door open and close several times and more people coming in. "Well, here. I was your secret Santa so I thought I'd give it to you now." I reached down my bag. "Here you go." I handed Christie the present. "I hope you like it." Christie didn't answer, but fumbled with pulling the tape off the wrapping paper and then pulling the paper itself of to see the pyjamas. Then she looked down at the print while she threw the wrapping paper and the tape in the trash.

"Carole will love it if I ever wear this." She went to the chairs and pushed it down in her backpack. And I sighed when I realized her voice sounded as callous as it ever did. And the idea of giving her that pyjamas- even though Christie probably had one of the best aunts in the world without joking.

I couldn't believe I had ever thought that pyjamas was a good idea!

**Belle POV**

I had spent the time since sectionals trying to forget about what I had figured out. Which wasn't exactly made easier by the fact that Christie was ignoring me after what she had heard too. But still, I did have a lot to think about with working hard to keep my grades up and as good as they could be towards the end of the semester. But I couldn't help to feel down, most of the time- no, all the time. And maybe that was why I wasn't too happy when Mr. Blaine wanted to give a certain song a try. But I just went along with it, even though I could only hope the words I sung would be true, but still knowing way too well that my brother wouldn't be home for another few weeks. And since he had gone in the end of December last year, this would be my first Christmas ever without him here.

Standing on the stage they had put up in the gym and going through the first song. I couldn't help but for wish for it to be over soon. But still I noticed how the soldiers of Finn's army seemed to one after one stop singing during the song. But didn't mind too much about it at first. Then as it was only I and Daniel singing, and his voice was dying out. I started wondering what was going on. Daniel noticed though and briefly gestured to me to go on.

I didn't lose another second to wonder about why. I knew anyway that I wouldn't be able to guess. Something just told me that, and while I moved into the last refrain and started it and saw why. I knew I couldn't have guessed. In fact, even if someone had told me I probably wouldn't have believed it.

"I'll be home for Christmas, you can count on me."

As I sang, I could hear the voice of another person joining me. And I knew this voice very well… only. He couldn't be here yet, could he? I turned, and there he was. In his uniform, walking slowly into the gym. I stopped singing, but he continued.

"LENNY"

I couldn't help to let the shout escape my throat while I ran down from the stage and over to him before I half flew half jumped and threw my arms around his neck. When I did he stopped singing and went over to holding me. Which was probably good because he was like half a meter taller than me, and if my crying caused me to let go. That fall wouldn't have been too nice.

Just as Lenny stopped singing the rest of the glee club started again, even though it was only a few lines left of the song. And I couldn't believe I hadn't known before, but this had so been planned. And especially I heard that when the glee club changed the last line into 'and this time it's for real' While I slowly- and unwillingly let Lenny lift me from hanging around his neck and down onto the floor.

"Hi."

My voice was breaking when I said it, and I could also see the tears shining in Lenny's eyes too. And Lenny never cried. Now as soon as I stood somewhat steady on my feet down on the floor I felt with my hands along the sides from his hair down towards his neck. As if to feel if he really was there.

"Bella." Lenny seemed to go tired of it at last. "You were the only one who didn't know about this. But Shauna's here too so." He waved at me and stepped away, and then I noticed Lenny's girlfriend. Who would usually be in college had been standing right behind me and now came up and threw her arms around Lenny's neck before she kissed him in front of the whole school of William McKinley high.

"Sorry." Mr. Blaine stepped up and Lenny and Shauna broke away from each other. "I don't want to interrupt that but there are young children here." He gestured towards Mady's class and I could see Lenny suppressing a laughter. "And we should probably get on with the last song. I think you know it so if you want to. We'd all be happy for you two to join us."

Lenny smiled down at Shauna and then to me. And with each arm around our shoulders we stepped up on the stage. Mady in her mascot costume walked up to the microphone and crawled up on a stool that Mr. Blaine put there to get up and sing into it. And so the short, last song was sung through once- with Mady's solo.

Lenny was smiling bigger than what I had ever seen before, and it felt like if someone would look at me they'd see it on my lips too. But I didn't have the chance to wonder anything more about that. The song was short, and as soon as Mady had sung to the last line once. She stepped down from the stool and ran over to Benjamin before we sung it one more time all together.

And actually. I couldn't remember ever feeling as happy as I did right then. I had my brother right by my side, safe and sound. Seth on the other side and after all of that drama (even though I still felt bad for how I had tricked him) And somehow I had managed to understand that we'd always be better off as just friends. And the feelings I had had had sort of faded. We all sung at the top of our lungs, screw if it sounded good or not. And even in the audience people were standing up and singing along. And suddenly, just as the song ended. I just couldn't stop smiling.

"Merry Christmas everyone." Mr. Blaine said just as he had done in the gym when we were back in the choir room (And so also Lenny and Shauna. "Now make sure you have the best holidays you ever could. I'm so proud of you guys and I can't believe how far you've come since the fall and… God… I can't even believe my own pride because… it's just so strong." Mr. Blaine laid a hand over his heart and seemed on the verge of tears. "I love you all so much."

"GROUP HUG" Keagan shouted, and for once no one stayed behind (Well, at least none of the original soldiers) And everyone got into a big group hug onto the floor. "Hey, Sean and Penny or whatever your names were? You get in too:" Lenny laughed at Keagan getting their names wrong. But stopped when I walked over to them and pulled them onto their feet and out on the floor.

"Damn it, I love you all so much. Okay, maybe not you. Sean and Penny…" Lenny laughed again. "What?"

"It's Shauna, and I'm Lenny." Mr. Blaine blushed. "Don't worry about it. It's not easy when it's hard!"

"Well…" We all broke loose from the group hug. "Everyone have a really merry Christmas and a really happy new year and I'll see you again when you come back with loads of new energy." Mr. Blaine started clapping his hands, and the rest of us started as well, giving a round of applause to ourselves and to the others while I turned to Mady to stop her from leaving before I could give her my surprise.

"Hey. Shark. Can you stay behind a little and I can give you your secret Santa present?" Mady smiled and nodded and I turned to my bag lying on a chair just as Lenny came over too and smiling glanced over Mady and her mascot costume.

"That's the cutest shark I've ever seen." Lenny smirked, but Mady pouted and glared back up at him. "What?"

"I'm not cute. I'm a big and scary shark. Roar." Lenny acted like he was afraid of her and Mady seemed happy, and was probably going to be happier as I reached her the wrapped present I had fixed for her. "Here's your secret Santa present. I hope you like it." Mady ripped the paper off with a child's enthusiasm and riffled in the book I had gotten her with pictures and instructions on how to make different things with loom bands. "Oh, this is so awesome. Thank you Belle, thank you."" Mady threw her arms around my waist and I couldn't help but smile. "Merry Christmas." I picked up my coat.

"Merry Christmas to you all." With that, I went out the door and along with Lenny and Shauna got into Lenny's car and drove home. When Lenny came through the door the house was filled with a very happy feeling in the air. While mum was crying with joy to have her son home again and hugged him over and over again, and dad patted his shoulder and had that look in his eyes telling exactly how proud he was. The one that he never used for looking at me.

Although, pretty fast. Lenny and Shauna disappeared into Lenny's bedroom in the basement. And what they were doing wasn't hard to guess. And I just wished I'd have something else to think about, which was made a lot easier when there was a knock on the door and I went to check who it was

"Yes? Oh… Daniel?" The tall, brown- haired boy from glee club was easy to recognize even wrapped in a thick winter coat at least a few sizes too big for him. And before he said anything he stuck his hand down one of the huge and many pockets. "Well, hello."

"Ehrm. Hello. I might or might not be the first one to give my secret Santa present but anyway… I was your secret Santa, and I guess Mr. Blaine told us we could give them wherever we wanted so…" Daniel reached me a present small enough for him to wrap his fingers around. "Merry Christmas."

"Thanks." I took the present. "Well, do you want me to open it now?" Daniel shrugged. "Oh… how rude of me. Come in, come in." I stepped away from the door so Daniel could step over the threshold and into the house. And started fingering with carefully pulling the wrapping paper off the little box I found inside and opened it. "Oh… It's beautiful."

"It's plastic fantastic." Daniel joked. "But yeah I like it and I thought it would suit you. May I?" Daniel held out his hand and I nodded and handed him the hair clip with two, glittery hearts and sparkles. Daniel took it carefully and just as carefully pushed away a few tresses of my fringe up towards the side of my head where he put the clip in, still with the same tender and careful movements as he'd started with.

"Bella? Where did you go?" Mum came out into the hallway. "Oh, hey. I don't think we've met before." Mum walked over to Daniel with her hand held out. "My name is Jean Jolie. I'm Belle's mum. Daniel politely shook it and introduced himself. "So, what gives us this pleasure? Do you want to come in? We were just having supper and it's perfectly enough for you too."

"Oh no thanks Mrs. Jolie. I just came over with my Christmas present for Belle. I gotta go now again. My parents are waiting. Well, I guess I'll see you Belle when the school starts again so… see ya! Merry Christmas." With that Daniel turned around and went out the door, and then he was gone.

"Don't look at me like that mum!" I couldn't help but to notice the look on her face when we both turned towards the kitchen again. "I know what you think and he's only a friend. He's in the glee club too. Now, I've got to think of something for giving Mady for Christmas."

It might not have been the full truth to tell mum he was just a friend. But I just couldn't believe it.

I couldn't believe that I finally understood what had made me fall in love all of the earlier times I had thought I'd been in love. And I couldn't believe that I had ever thought that I was in love before today and this moment. And I couldn't believe I might be feeling something like Shauna and Lenny felt when they looked at each other, because I just had the weirdest feeling that made my whole body go warm and tingly. And I never wanted it to end.

**So… Bradon came up with a secret Santa project. It have got certain rules though, and it will continue in the next few chapters. Alex is also still being an a*s to his little brother, even though he used to be nicer. Benjamin and Dakota have got- like so many others the bully Avery Benson on them and Benjamin's mum have been raped and might be pregnant again. Sharon's dad moved to Lima to be closer when the baby arrives and there is a slight appearance of the Schuester- family. And at last Belle's brother have returned home safe and sound. And it seems like Belle is feeling something very special for a very special someone. **

**So well, merry Christmas. Haha, okay, not just yet. But have a good time until the next chapter everybody. Even though it's not Christmas. I hope you all liked the chapter.**

**Lenny is portrayed by Nathan Stewart- Jarett. (Made by Gleekfreak908) Alex by Max Carver. And Bennett and Haiden who are mentioned by Charlie Carver and Claudia Lee. (All made by LocalXmusicXjellybeanX) Mady by Sarah Grace Morris. Shauna is portrayed by Zendaya. Adam (Sharon's dad) is portrayed by Patrick Dempsey. (Made by Yonna9queen) And Daniel Schuester, who makes a slight appearance at the airport, is portrayed by (younger) Kyle Harrison Breitkopf. And Gabriella Heedie (Benjamin and Mady's mum) is portrayed by Gabrielle Reece. And Avery Benson is portrayed by David Avery. **

**The hair clip that Daniel gives to Belle can be seen in the polyvore edit with prom outfits for Daniel and Belle. And yes, it will be mentioned at the prom. **

**The idea of doing Secret Santa and operation paperback in the glee club was from Bradon's form and LocalXmusicXjellybeanX. So credit for that goes to her. Including for explaining to me what operation paperback was. **

**I'd like to thank Riana Salvatore and x snow- pony x for helping me find Christmas songs. **

**Playlist **  
Group- Ding dong merrily on high  
Charlotte- Mary, did you know?- Clay Aiken  
Seth- Himlen i min famn (Heaven in my arms)- Carole **  
**Sharon- Silent night  
Christie- Where are you Christmas- Faith Hill **  
**Group to Belle feat. Lenny- I'll be home for Christmas- Frank Sinatra**  
**Mady and group feat. Lenny and Shauna- We wanna wish you a merry Christmas

**Random fact **

The storyline with Belle's brother was actually a part of what I requested for Belle's character, and the reason I wanted that because there was a similar thing in secrets revealed (Another story) and it's like, years since I wrote that so I wanted to write it again and do it better this time. Also, his girlfriend got the name Shauna, because originally I wanted the brother's name to be Sean, but I had already requested several things about Belle's character and didn't have the heart to ask about that too.

And I just can't help to give you an extra fact, the song that Seth does actually do mean a lot to me. Since the second verse of it was what I sung at the time for my very first solo.


	28. Head for the future

**New polyvores  
-Random for Daniel Finn Schuester.  
-I didn't make any other new polyvores, but added a few things on Christie's. **

**Dakota POV **

I could hear dad, all of my brothers and the Heedie- sibling's tip- toeing around downstairs in the kitchen on Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve and I had to lie still in my bed while I could hear them talking in low voices to each other. No matter how quiet they were trying to keep it.

I smiled to myself where I laid in my room (Which always went quite cold at this time of year) in fleece pyjamas, hoodie, sweatpants, three pairs of warm socks and a plush blanket everything under the quilt that I had pulled up to my nose while I laid and stared towards the door in the dark. Until I heard all of them coming up the stairs and closed my eyes to pretend that I was asleep.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU…"

My family's and the Heedie's voices sounded loud through my room and the rest of the house while I peered with my eyes to pretend I was just waking up, smiled at Mady and pushed myself up just as they were finishing the song. And they barely had the time to finish it before Mady ran up to me with a small, clumsily wrapped present in her hands.

"Oh, thank you Mady." I thanked her and ripped off God knows how many straps of tape put around the Hello- Kitty- paper. "Oh look at these! Socks that looks like sneakers. Gosh! These are the coolest socks I've ever seen." Mady's smile was as bright as the August sun when I pulled the socks over my other socks as a fourth pair but I could see her shivering cold. And even though I didn't want to leave my bed. I didn't want Mady to stand in this bitterly cold room so I kicked my covers off. "Come on. We'll go out into the living room, where it's warm."

"How can you sleep where it's this cold?" Mady was grinding now and when I took her hand in mind without being able to give her a good answer I felt it being freezing cold. "Oh, here it's warm." We were out in the living room and Luis (My oldest brother) sat down on his knees by the fireplace and grabbed a box of matches while I took our warmest fleece blanket and draped it around Mady whom as good as drowned in it. But she could still use her hands enough to hand me one more present.

"I bought both of the presents for my own money." She stated proudly and I glanced to Benjamin who nodded, but gestured slightly and I knew that that meant that he had given a bit of money to her for being able to buy things for me. And while Mady was almost jumping of excitement I quickly pulled of all of the tape straps and found something I couldn't quite place from the beginning.

"Wow!" I stated as soon as I had been able to figure out what it was. "Pasta that's shaped like hearts. Aw Mady you're so cute." Mady's smile shined brighter than ever. "Okay? Who do you think have given me this one…" I looked away from the presents and towards the door when there was a knock. "Do you want to go get it Mads?" Mady nodded and ran away towards the hallway and Benjamin followed him.

"HEY." We heard as soon as the door was opened and my smile grew when I recognized the voice as my cousin's. "THESE PEOPLE HAVE GOT THE WRONG HAIR COLOR… AND SKIN AND EYE COLOR FOR THAT MATTER!" I laughed. "AND UNCLE ALEJANDRO, LUIS, DIEGO, CHRISTIAN AND JAVIER COME AND HELP ME TO GET DAKOTA'S PRESENT THROUGH THE DOOR."

"HELLO SANTANA." I didn't move from the sofa and just leaned back against the cushions to show exactly how relaxed I was while the others pulled and pushed hard to get a huge present first through the front door and then through the hallway and into the living room. But still, I couldn't help but to get onto my feet and went over to Santana to hug her. After all, I hadn't seen her for months and she was my favorite cousin… well… she was also my only cousin!

"What is this?" When the big, wrapped present (And I bet several rolls of wrapping paper went to wrapping this one) was finally in the living room I looked it up and down on the huge collection of different Disney and flower- patterned wrappings. And then I just put my hands towards the age on one side and started pulling it off.

"You've got to get the paper off and see." San teased me and I started ripping the paper off faster until I had at last gotten the last piece off and a big pile of paper laid behind me while I stepped away and watched what I had gotten.

"Whoa!"

Actually, what Mady had just said was probably the only rational reaction, because while Santana was looking to all of our reactions us others were standing staring to a huge stuffed animal. The biggest I've seen in my whole life and the purple care bear with print of two balloons on its stomach would be at least head taller than me standing up and was at least twice as big.

"Do you like it?" Santana asked, and honestly. I wasn't so sure what I said it. "I remember this one time when you were like four and I was like thirteen and my mum took us Christmas shopping and you saw that… thing and at last mum had to carry you out of there while you were screaming and kicking because you didn't want to leave without it." I couldn't help but laugh. "I don't think mum ever took you shopping again."

"I can understand that. Hey, Mads. Who's that?" Mady had pulled up a brown teddy bear with a knitted, striped shirt from a plastic bag she had with her. And with how the parts of the teddy bear who looked like they had once been white were nowadays grey I could understand this was a very good friend of Mady's.

"This is my friend Annie. I wanted her to meet… ehrm… what do you think is her name?" She nodded to the huge teddy bear. And I wondered for a second before I kneeled by her and looked up into her eyes.

"Why don't you decide what her name is?"

"CAN I?" Mady shrieked unlike my almost whisper and I nodded. "Thank you Dakota. Thank you, thank you." She hugged me tightly and almost jumped of excitement over to the huge stuffed animal and seeing the bright smile on her face I knew I had made the right decision while I turned back to my presents and opened a pair of hot fries that had been lying just by them. And then chewed on them while I unwrapped amongst other things a bowl that could make regular popcorns into actual popcorns in the microwave from Benjamin. And a huge box with different lip gloss flavors from Luis, as well as some money from my dad until the presents were all opened and a huge pile of wrapping paper laid on the floor by me.

I glanced to it trying to hide that I was suddenly not feeling as happy as before. That even though I might not think about it every day like I had before, but these days were the hardest ones without my mum. And while I wondered where she was and what she was doing. I kind of wished that she could at least have sent a birthday card or anything. Although not to worry anyone I shook the thoughts about my mum off- if she had wanted to leave it was her loss, and turned to the others.

"Now, my birthday and Christmas are the only two days of the year I eat breakfast so where's my breakfast?" Just as I had asked, I noticed Diego and Javier wasn't in the living room anymore and while I helped Mady to get that blanket of her and put it on the sofa Diego came out with a big tray with chocolate pancakes, whipped cream, vanilla ice cream and caramel sauce. While Javier had another tray with a big Fanta bottle and some plastic mugs and we all sat down right by the fireplace and started eating. But had barely had the time to start before there was a knock on the dor and I went to take it.

"I heard it was your birthday today." Wil stood outside holding on to a present wrapped in Christmas paper. "So I decided to give this to you today. I'm your secret Santa. I need to go so can you just unwrap it here so I can go?" I nodded and quickly unwrapped it. "I heard you state you have got trouble eating breakfast but that it gets better just a while after you've woken up even though you'd be at school then…" Wil didn't say anything else right away while I twisted and turned the two- parted cup I had gotten to check what it was. "It's a Yoghurt-to- go- cup and you can put some cereal in one part and yoghurt in the other so then you can bring it with you." I smiled back at Wil.

"Yeah it's perfect. Thank you so much you're a lifesaver." Wil just smiled back. "Hot fries?… oh but you have diabetes." I was still holding the bag out to her but wasn't so sure about it when Wil stuck her hand down the bag and grabbed a number of the spicy snack.

"Don't worry about it. I can still have a handful of hot fries without a care. So, I guess. I hope that cup helps so you don't get so hungry before lunch. Either way, I need to go now. Happy birthday, merry Christmas and happy new year." With that Wilhelmina Hughes turned around and with her dark- brown hair flying after her she jogged down the driveway and into a waiting car while singing falsely on we wish you a merry Christmas.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS." I shouted back to her before I closed the door. "Huh, I guess it was a weird Christmas present. Wil was my secret Santa. But hey, this is just perfect. It even matches my new teddy bear. So did you come up with a name for it Mads?" I smiled back and she nodded. "Can you tell me I'm so curious?" She nodded.

"Violet."

I couldn't help but smile, and held my arm out to hug Mady. And while doing that I looked around and smiled to dad, Santana, Christian, Luis, Javier, Diego and at last Benjamin. And while looking at the blonde boy I couldn't help but to let my smile change form. I still smiled as big as I had to the others but my smile turned, to smile a bit… to myself. And I could feel my heart beating just as it always did when I looked into those blue, blue, blue eyes.

"You know," Diego's voice interrupted my thoughts. "Since you're turning fifteen today. You do know you're legally old enough to date anyone who's over fifteen. Including the one who just went to the bathroom." I felt my face go bright red and Diego and the rest of my brothers chuckled while dad just smiled. "No seriously, anyone who's not both blind and deaf can't not know what's going on between you and Benjamin. And I'm saying go for it."

Maybe another birthday was a sign that I should change. A time to accept what I was actually feeling and do what I could about them. Not to change them, but to show them. And maybe, let Diego and as he said everybody else know that they weren't wrong. Maybe it was time to leave the Dakota that had run from his feelings behind and head for a new Dakota that would accept them and show himself emotional.

Maybe it was just time to leave my past behind and head for the future

Well, at least I could stop running from my feelings for starters.

Nah! Not just yet

**Keagan POV **

"Dad? Where are we going? What are you doing?"

The first thing, Christmas day morning. Dad had told me to get into some warm clothes that I could use for the stables and then tied a blindfold around my head. I had first been able to feel him lead me outside and down the porch. And we had gotten into the car and dad had started driving. I couldn't see my watch, but we had probably just been in the car for ten seconds or even less when I asked that for the first time.

"You'll have to wait and see Keags. But I'm sure you're gonna like it."

I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest. I hated when I had to have a blindfold on and even though dad kept on telling me I was gonna love it and I could hear the excitement in his voice I hated it anyway and sat grumpily in the passenger seat until I felt the car stop and dad pulled the breaks.

When I had gotten out of the car and walked a bit more I could see I was standing in the stables. And also, in the aisle the whole Morgan- family were standing. Yolanda to the left, Tanisha to the right, and then Isaiah in the middle holding onto the lead rain of a black and white, medium- sized American paint horse with (as far as I could see) brand new halter and lead rain. And while I walked closer they all smiled and I noticed a bow of the paper thread you use for Christmas presents tied around the horse's neck.

"Keagan meet Domino." Mr. Morgan, who owned the stables told me. "Domino, whoa boy, whoa boy. Sch, sch, sch." He took a harder grip around lead rain while Domino danced where he stood. "Whoa boy… Meet Keagan. And… Merry Christmas." He put the rein into my hand and while I was starting to put the pieces together but didn't want to think it yet since- what would I say if I was wrong?

"Say something then."

"You mean…" I turned to my dad. "…Mine?" I looked up at the black and white horse. "Mine?" Dad nodded, and if it wasn't for the fact that I was holding onto the lead rein for a horse who I knew could freak out at the slightest if I did something wrong. I would probably have not fought so hard not to faint.

"Holey hat!" I said when I got the words back. "I bought some Winnie the Pooh- printed things for the secret Santa present. And I thought that was good." I carefully scratched Domino under the chin. Alma mostly liked the forehead but horses were different just as people. And Domino seemed to relax and sighed in well- being when I continued under his chin.

"His saddle and bridle are hanging in there." Mr. Morgan pointed towards the room where all of such things hung. "They're not new. But I think they're going to do. Domino is four years old and has been trained to carry a person on his back and all of that. But as you can tell he's still pretty childish and wild." I nodded. "And as you know, all the horses' birthdays are January the first so he'll turn five in next week. Well, we three are going to have Christmas now." He laid each arm around Tanisha's and Yolanda's shoulders. "You know you can stay here for as long as you want. Domino has the stall next to Alma's." I nodded and wished them merry Christmas while I led Domino into his stall for him to get used to it, and then (Since I didn't really dare to sit down on the floor with a horse I didn't know yet) I sat down in the hay in Alma's box while dad leaned over the gate and handed her a piece of apple from his pocket and scratched her forehead while he started explaining while he wanted to give me another horse for Christmas.

"I know it's hard to think about Keags but, fact remains. Alma's old, and even though she is alert today she's getting older. She might live for another five, ten years if we're lucky and she stays alert. But she's not going to live forever. And we thought that with Domino. If, against the odds something happens to Alma… You will have something… so to say, means something. I know no one could replace Alma but… heck you know what I mean. And as well, we all thought it would be a good challenge for you to ride a younger more… New horse. You get what I mean. And The Morgan's have given me a loan and so. So you don't need to worry about costs. And you shall not worry about the cost!" I nodded and scratched Alma's forehead while dad came into the box and patted her on the neck. "How is our old lady today huh? Oh, you got an apple. You lucky girl!" I couldn't help but smile.

"I'm going home now." Dad smiled back at me. "Do you want to come? Or do you want to stay here for a bit?"

"I can walk home later, it'll only take like forty five minutes anyway and it's not that cold." Dad nodded. "Also, I can stay for as long as I want without having to worry about you having gone to bed or something. Dad just glared at me in a meaning look. "Fine then, I'll be back for Christmas dinner. But only if you leave now." Dad seemed to agree to that, and walked out of the stall, closed the gate after him (even though it probably wouldn't have been needed) and then I heard his footsteps towards the concrete floor and the wooden doors opening and closing again.

I must have been sitting in the hay of Alma's stall for hours and hours. I just couldn't bear moving where I was seeing Alma all the time, sometimes when she came over to me and I'd be able to feel her warm breath in my neck while I scratched her forehead. And so I'd stand up for a while, lean against the low wall between the stalls and watch Domino move around and so getting used to his new stall.

Maybe the fact that this year was almost over, and that it would start with something that to me seemed unlikely and fantastic and that the end of the year would be the start of a new era, along with my old lady, and my boy. And happily, and to start it off I was standing in Alma's stall, and leaning over the low wall in between them I would only have to stretch out my arm to pat Domino's black and white fur. And on the other side Alma was eating her hay peacefully and then nudged my jacket to get some sweets. And maybe it was the fact that some things were exactly the same that I would have to start something new. That made me realize I'd have to move on from the past for a bit.

Maybe it was just time to leave my past behind and head for the future

Well, at least I could try and get home from the stables for starters.

Nah! Not just yet.

**Esme POV**

"Hello Mrs. Fredericks, is Bradon here?"

I stood on the porch to the Fredericks' house and had knocked the door, Mrs. Fredericks came to open, but I needed to see Bradon and give him the present I was giving as I had ended up with that I, my two sisters and our parents were going to New York for New year's, and not come home until the night before schools started. So even if today was New Year's Eve. I just had to do this.

And that was even though standing here brought back the memories of every time I had been here. But for another person those times, and I could see him standing in the shadows in the back of the hallway. Only seeming him still shot a flinch of pain through my heart. And I regretted that our relationship had ever happened.

"Oh yes. Come in, come in." I could see Alex was just on his way of saying something, probably nothing nice. But Mrs. Fredericks interrupted before he had the time and showed me to come in. And I walked up one step, over the threshold and then followed her through the hallway and to a door right in front of the stairs. "Bradon? You've got a visitor…"

"WHO?" Mrs. Fredericks looked questioning to me. "Never mind." I heard the door being unlocked and then opened, and there Bradon stood with tousled hair and half of the buttons in his nice, white shirt unbuttoned in the works of buttoning them all. "Oh, hey Esme. What… Oh you're my secret Santa." He buttoned the top button while I reached him the present. "I can't wait to see… Oh, house rules by Jodi Picoult I've been meaning to read this one. And gummy bears. I love gummy bears. Mum, can't I bring this to…"

"No. We're going to Keagan's for the whole night. And you're going to be social with all of us others and not get lost in a book as usual." Mrs. Fredericks seemed to have made up her mind and Bradon opened his mouth to protest. "No protests young man. Now thank this nice girl and then get ready." Bradon waited until she had left, then grimaced towards her slightly and I couldn't help but laugh.

"It's one of my favorite books. Well, except for the fault in our stars." Bradon smiled- I bet the whole school knew about my love for that damn book (And movie for that matter. But mostly the book.) "And I've noticed you like gummy bears. Anyway, I'd like to stay but I gotta go. The car's right outside and my parents and sisters are waiting for me. Happy new year."

"Happy new year. See you at school."

I was already through most of the hallway and soon stepping out of the house and down the threshold. In the lights in the car I could see my parents and sisters waiting in boredom. And actually, I looked at them so much I didn't notice another, or actually three more people coming walking up the sidewalk.

"Esme?" I turned around, and felt my heart start beating in my chest. Just like Alex could have made it all that time ago. But I tried to ignore it while I turned to Hayley, who stood on the sidewalk with his parents and searching for something in his bag. "I… Well, happy New Year I guess. I… I saw something out on town the other day and I was going to give it to you when school started, I think your birthday was close after." I sighed- how on earth did he know that? Not that he was wrong though. My birthday would be the second week after school had started again. "And I… I couldn't stop thinking about it so I… yeah. You could see for yourself I guess."

Hayley reached me a small, thick package and I ripped the paper off so I could get away from this place as fast as possible and winced slightly when I saw inside there was a strap around something folded, meaning that it would take even more time to get done. But still, I as quickly as I could pulled the strap off and unfolded the shoulder strap bag with those 'okay? Okay' clouds in pure the- fault- in- our- stars style.

"Yep." I said, more to myself than to anyone else. "This whole town knows about me and the fault in our stars." I looked up and couldn't not spot the disappointed look in Hayley's eyes. "No, no, it's fine. I love it. But we've got this secret Santa project in glee club and Benjamin gave me this shirt and pyjamas with these okay- clouds so I just thought it was funny and…" I couldn't come up with anything else to say so I just turned to the car, opened the door and lifted out a big plastic bag. "We're going to New York, with the car and I brought some books and things. But my bag just broke a few days ago so I had to take this. Now." I opened the bag Hayley had given me and realized, that even though it looked like only one big bag it had several smaller parts inside of it. "Oh this is just perfect." As quickly as I could I put the things in the new bag, and hoped that Keira, Katrina and my parents wouldn't be too bored before we were done and come with a snorty comment.

"Hayley." I froze for a second when I heard Katrina's voice from inside the car. "Let Esme go some time. Her ex- boyfriend Alex lives in this house so she just wants to get away and we just want to get started." I grimaced slightly. And hoped that no one would continue it. But my hope didn't lead to anything and two seconds later I heard Keira's voice shouting instead.

"Yeah Alex- Fredericks you know. He and Esme were together…" I sighed angrily. And did my best not to snap back at what they were saying. One day by the dinner table Katrina had told the whole family she had seen me looking so very special at a boy in class and told him what his name was. So of course they knew who I was talking to now, even dad who wasn't in school with him or a teacher like mum recognized him from Katrina describing him with the curly, brown hair and dorky glasses that made me go all weak in the knees.

"SHUT UP." I shouted back at them at last and put down my pencil case into the bag. "Don't care about what they say… But we kind of need to go and… no, I don't want to stay by Alex's house for way too long. So… Hayley, Mrs… Oh… Shannon, Frank… Happy New Year. I'll just go now." I tried to ignore the still hurt look in Hayley's eyes and sprinted down to the car where I threw the door closed. "I HATE YOU!"

"Come on now Essie." I could spot dad looking at me in the rearview mirror with that teasing look in his eyes that I just hated. "You're the baby of the family. Only three minutes younger than Kat but still. It's cute that you have a crush… like where did my little girl go?" I didn't answer and pulled up a copy of the fault in our stars of my bag filled with John Green books.

"Don't be angry Esme." It was mum's turn to say anything. Which was good because if it had been Katrina or Keira I'd probably had jumped right out of the car in pure anger. "They were just having a laugh. If Hayley really likes you he won't let it bother him and I think you know that just as well as I do and…"

"Shut up."

Mum silent and so did others. Which was good because the anger was boiling inside of me and if anyone else would have come with some lousy comment or explanation I would probably explode. And that was why the whole way, I was shifting in between reading, sleeping and when we stopped at a gas station to eat. I told the clerk myself what I wanted instead of letting dad take my orders. And so I just silent again.

Dad was driving, and mum, Keira seemed to be following my example with sleeping most of the time, and watching a movie or solving a crossword or whatever they liked as much as I liked reading the fault in our stars. And they were all asleep by the time we were drawing close to New York. It was all dark outside except for the street lights and while I looked out the window and the street lights passing by while I heard a church bell's ringing somewhere far away.

Maybe New Year's was the real time for changing, for letting go of the past. And maybe that was what I needed, to let go of everything that had happened… I slightly touched the scars on the inside of my left wrist with my right hand's pointing finger. Maybe it was time to let go of what had caused those, that knife, that guy… and head forward towards what was making me feel happy again. Like Hayley, and… yeah that was about it actually.

Maybe it was just time to leave my past behind and head for the future

Well, at least I could try and make friends with my family again for starters.

Nah! Not just yet.

**Christie POV **

I woke up, and in the same moment I could hear the bell's ringing from the church. But it didn't take me half a second to realize that was what had woken me up after finally falling asleep. And neither was it hearing the muffled voices of the others downstairs. No, what had woken me up was the fact that I felt so nauseas I probably knew from the start that I wasn't going to make it to the bathroom.

I tried to kick the covers off, but that only caused some cramps. Worse now than ever shot through my leg and I got up to sit up and reached for my leg. And as I moved another wave of nausea, stronger than ever creeped up my throat and as the twelfth of the rings from the church bell sounded through the blocks I gagged and threw up all over my sheets.

Carole would be so angry!

But I did not really have the time to worry about Carole, or time to breathe at all before I gagged and threw up again. While also trying to get out of the soaked blanket and massaging my leg. And then… keeping quiet was just pushed to the back as one of the not so important things. After gagging the second time I waited and listened closely for a few seconds, and then crawled out of bed and achy, limping and still nauseas as hell. I tried to change the sheets and winced when I realized I'd have to go out in the hallway to get some new sheets, and to the bathroom to get cleaned up.

I got onto my feet and as quietly as I could I tip toed through the hallway and into the bathroom. I was still nauseas. But for now I put the water on, poured some in my hands and wiped my mouth before I turned the crane off again and tip toed out into the hallway again. I was doing my very best to be quiet, and hadn't heard anyone come up so I jumped when I heard a voice calling out right behind me.

"Christie?" I flinched, jumped and spun around. Which caused the nausea to once again escalate so I threw a hand over my mouth and stumbled back into the bathroom where I fell to my knees and started heaving again once I was by the toilet bowl. "Hey. It's okay." Carole came and kneeled by me and placed a palm towards my back. "It's okay. You're okay." I thought that the heaving went on forever, but it couldn't have been ten seconds before I could turn around and lean back against the tub. Right before we could both hear all of the guys' voices from the hallway.

"Carole." I whispered not for the others to hear. "I… I threw up in bed." I wiped away a few tears that I couldn't have helped but there kept on coming more. I hated crying so badly. "Please don't be angry with me. I didn't mean to. I'll clean it up I promise."

"Hey, hey, hey." Carole interrupted me. "It's okay." She grabbed a wet cloth and without another word started using it to wipe my mouth. "It's not your fault and I would never be angry with you for that. And how many times do you think Finn did that? Or on me?" I made a failed attempt to smile at Carole's bad joke. "Burt, Kurt, Blaine? Can you come here for a second?" I winced, I didn't exactly want an audience right now, and neither did I need them to look at me with pity and whatever else. Just like they did it now! "Burt, can you go and change the sheets on her bed and come and clean up here so I can stay with her?" Burt nodded, and disappeared out of my sight. "Blaine? Go and get a pyjamas or just something for Chris to wear. And Kurt, get a bucket and some soft towels and put them by and on the bed but first can you go and get a glass of water?" Kurt and Blaine both nodded as well and disappeared in each direction. I winced again, but decided on not to protest and sunk back towards the tub and the floor.

"Here." Already before I could see the whole thing I could see it was the pyjamas I had gotten from Carole and I winced again. Carole would never let me forget about this. But she didn't say anything. And just silently did what she stated a mum should, and helped me in my very, very weak state to get the old pyjamas off and the new one on.

"Carole I don't want to do this anymore."

"It's okay. You'll feel better soon." She tried to stroke my cheek but I grabbed her by the wrists and looked sternly into her eyes. I knew my eyes looked like Finn's. And I also knew that seeing them like this would have her take me seriously.

"No! I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to go on dialysis and still feel like crap every single day. I don't want to feel nauseas, have cramps and faint whenever I stand up too fast. I don't want to worry everyone or see that Daniel- Vincent's look whenever he looks at me as if I crushed his dreams and broke his heart. I don't want to wait for this new kidney that's never coming anyway, and look down whenever I think I can hear my pager beeping to just be disappointed again. I don't want to do it anymore."

"Give it a few more months Christie I…"

"No. I don't want to fight anymore I'm too tired. Please Carole. Just let me die with the little dignity I have left. Please." Despite Carole's hurt look that I just hated I had caused I wasn't going to give in on this. I didn't want to live anymore and that was fact. "Who knows? Maybe I'll go to heaven or whatever and meet Finn again."

"Give it a couple of more months."

"Carole no."

"Until your birthday then? It's not that far left." I didn't answer right away. My birthday was February the seventh. And like Carole said, it wasn't that far away. "Please Christie. Let's give it until then, I'll have the time to call your parents and let them speak their minds. And if you still feel the same after your birthday… I'll let you do what you want okay?" I hesitated.

"Okay… Until my birthday then. But no longer than that."

Burt appeared in the doorway just a second before Kurt came with that glass of water and I washed out my mouth and then spit it out into the sink before I returned to my bed, and could hear one pair of feet. And four small paws following me towards and into the bedroom where I lied down onto the new, chilly sheets and the towels to protect them if I got sick again.

In the corner of my eye I could spot the lion wig that Blaine had given to Alice for Christmas. But also Carole pulling it off and laying it onto my desk before Alice crawled up onto my bed as if she knew what happened tonight would require comfort in another way than what any person could give me. Even though despite her warm fur under my covers and towards my body I was still shivering cold.

"Here." Carole had gotten a blanket that had laid on the arm support of the sofa since I moved here and unfolded it. "This is warmer than those covers." I pushed my quilt off and still too tired to protest let Carole tuck the warm and soft blanket around me. I knew it had been Finn's, and something he had gotten from Christopher. The blanket was at least a decade older than me but right now the important part was that it would give me warmth.

"Carole?" My voice sounded weak, and I almost couldn't recognize it myself. "Why do you keep on giving me Finn's old stuff?" I looked around the room. There laid a laptop on the desk, Carole had given Finn's old to me just a few days after I got here. But I couldn't use it anyway since my fingers were too swollen to write on a keyboard. That blanket had laid on one arm support of the sofa while on the other laid a white and grey stripy hoodie that I had used to steal from Finn all the time when I was little, and on top of that the bed I laid in had been Finn's.

"It's got nothing to do with- like you explain it. That I would see Finn every time I see you. Because I know that Finn… was Finn and you are you. So I guess the only explanation that... it's not worth buying new stuff when we've got full working things anyway. And about that hoodie. You loved it when you were little,"

"I loved Finn too. Doesn't mean I should have his corpse lying around."

"Okay." Carole sounded less impressed by what I had just said. "I know you Chris, but that was just creepy. Okay… You know I love you Chris, and no one could ever replace you. Just like no one could ever replace Finn. Not even if they have got the exact same eyes as him." I shrugged and Carole made a pause to yawn. "And besides, I'm a nurse so I couldn't really afford new things anyway. Do you get what I mean?" I nodded slightly and decided to change the subject.

"I want to talk to Daniel as soon as possible. I know it's new year's day. But I'm going over to his in the morning. You've got the most part in the present anyway, so can you come with me? I really want to talk to him about that all he said. I feel like he haven't told me everything and… I just need to not be alone when I talk to him."

"Do you want a ride?" I sighed slightly, Carole had a way with seeing right through me and then laughed slightly. "Don't worry about it honey. Finn did exactly the same… You two are very much alike on several parts. But still not at all at many others. So… see you in the morning. Alice can stay here with you." She patted my shoulder through the blanket and walked over to the door. "Sleep tight."

I didn't answer, but turned towards Alice and felt her nose sniffing towards my cheeks and then a slight lick before she laid down to sleep. But still keep a close eye on me. And as I heard the others wish goodnight to each other I closed my eyes and ignored my restless legs.

I had gathered all of my courage for telling Carole that I didn't want to do life anymore for weeks. And now when I had, it didn't feel as good as I hoped for. I knew they were trying to keep quiet, but I could hear both Carole's sobbing and Burt trying to comfort her muffled through the walls and could have torn myself into pieces for doing that to her.

So now, I had promised her I would do this until my birthday. And in a bit over a month I would turn fifteen… but… what was going to happen them. Well, nobody knew. But I guess it was just time to stop wondering, live and see what life brought with it, and kind of let go of how many years I had fought this terrible disease and how sick and tired I was of all of it.

Maybe it was just time to leave my past behind and head for the future

Well, at least I could figure out something to say to Carole when my birthday had passed for starters.

Nah! Not just yet

**Daniel POV**

"So… what are we going to do in the morning? For DJ's birthday?"

"People calls you DJ? I can't believe you didn't tell me that! Like what more didn't you tell me? That your name is Roger Rogerson and you're a mass murderer? Or something like that?" I sighed at Martina's statement and questions. She really hadn't been able to let it go that I hadn't told her about my life after school and that my parents were gone for big parts of the year.

Actually, they were gone now too. They had just been home during the last week in school and a few days after Christmas. The day before New Year's Eve they'd taken off again to Wyoming or Pennsylvania or God knows where else. Dad had said they would try and come home at least once before schools ended again in the end of June. But I didn't really know if I dared to believe that they actually would.

And at the actual New Year's Eve Ashleigh had arrived in Lima. And she was living at mine and somehow someone had had the idea that on New Year's night we'd have a sleepover in my living room and now we, despite the sofas laid in each pair of cover and pillows and on blow- up- mattresses and loads of blankets on the floor.

"Well, I'm not a mass murderer as far as I know." I tried to make it a joke. "And my name is Daniel Jeremiah Vincent for sure. Marti… I never lied to you. It's just that I don't like to tell people because… I don't like to bother them with it. Hey, let's play I game. I say… 'what if I hadn't…' and say something I regret. And then you two do the same and then we do a round where we say 'what if I told you…' and go on with how many words we like. I go first, then Ash goes and then you."

"It's a boring game."

"I think we need it…." I sighed slightly. "So what if I hadn't kept it a secret that…" I sat up Indian style on dad's quilt and the others followed my example (Although Ashleigh had my mum's and Martina had mine) and so we sat almost in a circle. "…That I had been home alone from September to December. Would someone have worried and fussed? Told me to come live with them or bring me food in times that suited and didn't? Because even though I might have gotten help, I don't think I could have stood anyone being so nagging because people doing that drives me nuts and I don't want them to worry about me… Ash, you're next."

"So what If I hadn't turned around and walked out of the room when Angelica shouted at me not to worry about her… And what if I hadn't turned around and left when I realized you hadn't told that girl in glee club who has renal about her? Maybe if I hadn't the second time around, it could have been an apology to Angelica for turning around and leave the very last time I saw her. Martina?"

"This has nothing to do with you but… I guess you have talked about some of the things that you regret the most so I might as well… My mum died a few years ago. Three and a half to be more exact." Martina breathed in and made a pause and I felt a frown that had formed in my forehead while I didn't quite know what to say. "I let my cat- Gro, out and a moment later mum walked out and got in the car and started driving. Gro was out in the road. Mum steered to not hit it but must have pushed the gas instead of the brakes, it went fast and she hit a lamp post. You know that all bent lamp post down on Harmonica Street? That's the one. And mum and Gro both died so I've been wondering… What if I had never let Gro out?" The room fell silent and I wasn't so sure what to say while Martina looked down, but we could still see the tears shining in her eyes and Ash reached out her hand to take Martina's. Martina, however just pulled it away and dried the few tears. "I'm sorry. Anyway, Dan. Your turn again." I waited for a minute, until I was sure Martina had stopped crying before I spoke my mind.

"What if I told you I was lonely?"

It was the first time I had ever spoke that out loud to anybody. Mum didn't know, dad didn't know. I couldn't tell them because that would hold them back and they needed to work. And if I couldn't tell them. Who was I supposed to tell?

"What if I told you I was afraid?"

Something flashed by in Ash's eyes when she told us. However, I decided on not to ask anything. That was usually the point with this game. To be able to say anything without anyone asking, or anyone telling about it to somebody else.

"What if I told you I was gay?"

I knew exactly what I had been thinking about a minute ago about trying to not react way to strongly on what an of us said. But even though I couldn't say I was surprised by what Martina said to be. But still. I could be very surprised by her saying it, what she had said and why she was telling us now.

"Then…" I decided to give an answer. "…I would say that it doesn't matter if you turned out to be gay, straight, bi, green, yellow or a freaking dinosaur. You're my friend and that won't change anything. However- if you are gay… Then there's nothing I can do to change it. And even if I could I wouldn't. Can I ask something though?" Martina nodded. "I take it your dad doesn't know because of the comment if you and I were a couple whatever it was?"

"Thanks but… no he doesn't." Martina wiped another tear with her Cincinnati reds pyjamas. "I haven't found a way to tell him yet." I leaned forward a bit and reached for Martina's hand when her voice broke just slightly and Ash crawled over and laid her arms around Martina's shoulders. "Oh God I hate crying." Martina quickly wiped away the rest of the tears with her shirt. "Come on, it's time for scary stories isn't it?"

I shivered slightly, since my dad had to get me from a sleepover I had had with the boys I was in the same class as when I was in Elementary school at four in the morning I hated scary stories. Of course, they were the reason I had been afraid and I had never really grown out of my silly fear of them. Ash knew this, and even though I knew she loved scary stories. She took my side.

"It's almost half past four in the morning. And we need to be somewhat alive in the real morning too. So I guess we should do best in just going to sleep." I pretended to yawn, which soon turned into a real yawn and it got Ash to yawn as well. "Don't do that Dan it's contagious. Anyway, I'm feeling quite tired and after crying, if only ever so little you're usually quite worn out. Martina glared at her, but nodded barely noticeable and we crawled back under our sheets and I laid my head down on dad's silly finding nemo sheets.

It felt like it would, despite the late hours be hard to fall asleep. But I had barely had the time to close my eyes before I did. And what felt like a second later I woke up from a deep, dreamless sleep when I heard someone knocking on the front door and when it woke me up I could see it had woken both of the girls up too.

I moaned and looked to the clock. And kind of hoping that I could scold whoever was here for being here so early, only to see it was past noon and with another moan I threw the finding nemo sheets off and flashed to my Mickey Mouse pants and Batman shirt before I, as good as I could in my drowsy state jogged out in the hallway, swayed a bit from side to side and unlocked the door with half opened eyes.

"Yeah?"

"Oh, good morning Daniel." I was only barely awake enough to recognize Christie outside and it was probably a miracle I could think of looking down enough to see her. And behind her stood also Carole and Mr. Blaine, and Carole was the one who had wished me good morning while I heard Martina and Ash curiously come up behind me.

While I was fighting to keep my eyes open and rubbed them drowsily. I suddenly was hit by the thought that we must have looked like a pretty interesting group. All drowsy and rubbing the sleep out of our sights. I in my random put together pyjamas, Martina usually in something showing the logo and colors of Cincinnati reds and Ash in a huge Winnie the Pooh onesie.

"Ehrm. Just let us go and get some real clothes on." I showed Carole, Mr. Blaine and Christie to come inside. And was on my way to go upstairs and change clothes but Carole told me that there was no need and they'd only be here for like five minutes if everything went smoothly and I pushed Ash and Marti into the kitchen to prepare breakfast while I sat down in one sofa and the other three in the one of the opposite side of the table.

"Here." Christie held up the plastic bag. "I'm your secret Santa. But you should probably put them in the freezer as soon as possible." I stood up, and was on my way to go. I sort of had a bad feeling about this and wanted to get away. "Not now, sit down." I did as I was told and Christie looked sternly. "I know, you told us you knew someone with renal. Who died of renal? And whoever the person was. I want you to tell me about her… and the whole story… Now!"

I hesitated, but couldn't look away from Christie's brown eyes looking sternly at me. So I decided to start from the very beginning, and save some time before I would have to tell them about… well about a person who had and still meant more to me than someone else ever had. So I placed my hands on my knees and took a deep breath for my voice not to shake when I started.

"So. A number of years ago, a man went to Toledo with his daughter. And so did a woman. The woman, or rather girl since she was sixteen had dropped out of high school because of some rumors and ex-boyfriend had spread about her and the whole school turned against her. So since her parents didn't want her home all day she went to the library every day. And he went to the library with his daughter because his three year old daughter had renal. They lived in Lima, but because there was better care for kidney diseases in Toledo they went there for a bit. And because of the renal the little girl couldn't run or laugh or play like all the others, until she started dialysis she was just too tired so instead they went to the library. Both the man and the woman, and the little girl went to the library because they were broken. And maybe that was why they caught each other's eyes."

"What a sweet story!" Christie said ironically, but I had seen her expression changed when I told her the little girl had renal. "But get to the freaking point some time."

"After a while of watching the woman the man had realized some things, she was a lot younger than himself. But that didn't matter because he was madly in love. And as well, she kept on reading the same book every time she came there. So after a while the man went there before her and got the book and when he heard the woman ask for it he went and gave it to her as a way of starting to talk to her. And then one thing led to another and four years later they had a son."

"GET TO THE POINT" Christie seemed very annoyed by now, and even though I knew it was annoying to her I continued just as calmly as I went on.

"As the boy grew older he started realizing that his sister was very ill. And she would continue going to the hospital, take meds have dialysis. But she still got more and more ill and when the little boy was old enough to realize what she would need to be healthy he wanted to give her his kidney. And they did their tests and they weren't matching. So no matter how much he wanted to and no matter how much he adored his sister he couldn't give it to her. And by the time he was seven and she fourteen she was so ill there was nothing left to do and then… she died at home, in the arms of her dad. And the boy and his mum sat right outside the door to the room on the floor and when we heard his screaming and crying… we knew that it was over…"

"It was you wasn't it? The boy." I didn't answer right away and took a deep breath not to let my voice break when I continued.

"The boy was named after the book that brought that man and woman together. And it was the little girl's idea to do so. She was seven at the time, and the book was called Daniel Deronda so was the main character." I breathed in again. "Daniel Deronda would help others if it so meant hurting himself. And if it would mean that I wouldn't have had to watch dad break. If it would mean that I wouldn't have been the first to see and try to cover up how grandma kept on forgetting and getting lost. If it meant that I wouldn't have had to… I'm sorry. What's in this bag actually?" To change the subject I stood up and looked into the bag that Christie had given me. "Oh this is great. Oh, cold, cold, cold, cold."

The bag was filled with boxes of the kind you put food in to later heat it up in the microwave and I had a good idea about who it actually was who had cooked it all, and everything it took was a glance to Carole and she nodded slightly. Then I tried to pick one up and was left throwing it from one hand to the other until I at last threw it down into the bag again.

"Don't change the…"

"I need to go put these in the freezer." Without another word I grabbed the bag and walked into the kitchen. I could hear someone following me and gestured to Ashleigh and Martina to get into the living room and as soon as the door was closed behind them I shoved the last one of the boxes into the freezer- threw the drawer in and closed the freezer before I turned towards the person behind me.

"Carole?"

"Daniel?" Carole looked back at me. "There's something that you're still not talking about I can tell. Do you want to talk about that?" I forced myself not to send her a death glare. If it was I would just have told them right away wouldn't I? "I know it's hard Dan…"

What she said there just kind of sent me over the edge.

"No! You don't know. You don't know anything…" I turned back towards the fridge and leaned over slightly so I hit my head into it on purpose. "I'm not good enough!" It was the very first time I had said it out loud. "I keep on getting my grades up so I have straight A's. I go on every single practice to maintain being the star of the basketball team. I put some money away every month so I have a bit of savings not to have to ask them for money whenever I move away from home. I don't go to everybody with the problems I have. I do everything I can to be the good one. But I'm not good enough. Dad will never get his little girl back, and she was perfect. I'm not… No matter how much I try. Dad travel because he can't stand all the memories have. Angelica died in March, and it's almost twelve years ago but the door to her room is closed and nothing in there have been touched since she died." I sighed. "I think you should leave now. I promised a friend I'd bring his birthday present to him before two PM and I need to eat and change into real clothes." I glanced to the clock who just switched to be exactly at noon.

"Hey." I and Carole had moved out into the living room during the last few sentences I said. "Which one of your friends share birthday with you?" I closed my eyes and bit my lip. Ashleigh knew my birthday was the first day of the year. I didn't need the others in here to know as well. "Happy birthday DJ." I sighed.

"Is today…"

"GET OUT." I half shouted, half moaned and pointed towards the door. All letting go of my usual polite ways, and I would probably feel bad for it later. But it slipped out of me before I had the time. "Yes, today is. But I hate people making a fuss of it. And Ashleigh… You don't know who he is but his name is Jake and he's at McKinley too. He turns fifteen and he's been…" I pointed to a wrapped present on the bench in the hallway. "…drooling over that apple game console dad fixed so I could borrow to try out since he was here the first time. And like so many times before I was given what I tried out and like so many times before I thought it would end up in some box collecting dust somewhere. But." I patted the box. "Now Jake's getting it." I had known I had changed the subject, and sent a meaning look to Carole and nodded towards the hallway. She shook her head slightly, and stayed for a second longer than Mr. Blaine and Christie.

"You'd never know how much alike you and Christie are Daniel. And you'd never know how much I actually do understand." I suppressed a sigh. I hated it when people talked in riddles like that. "Happy birthday honey. And happy New Year. I want those boxes back when they're empty" With that, she turned away and I sighed for real. And I guess… While I was giving Jake exactly what he wanted, since only Ashleigh and my parents knew my birthday was today I wouldn't have much of that. And in a childlike way I couldn't help but to be disappointed. But still… Maybe this was my day to realize that I'd have to forget about the past.

Maybe it was just time to leave my past behind and head for the future

Well, at least I could start with not keeping my whole life secret for starters.

Nah! Not just yet.

**Lenny POV **

Sunday the seventh of January was the last day before both Belle and Shauna would start their respective schools. And so, knowing that they'd have to get up early Monday morning, and that Sunday would be the last morning in several days we could sleep in again, on Saturday night we stayed up until only five minutes before mum's wakeup call sounded loud through the house.

Falling asleep with Shauna curled up in my arms made my heart beat so hard I couldn't believe that I had ever thought I was in love before. But what I hadn't expected was to wake up only half an hour after having fallen asleep. And having to realize that Shauna wasn't in the bed with me anymore I drowsily sat up and spotted her sitting right by the bed with her knees pulled up and clutching her stomach.

"I'm gonna be sick."

Right away, I was all awake and got onto my feet and gently pulled my girlfriend up onto her feet as well. With my arms around her shoulders and one of her arms still hugging her stomach while she was walking leaned forward and on her expression I could really see that she was going to be sick. It was confirmed when we barely made it into the basement bathroom right wall- in- wall with my bedroom and not to waste any time opening the lid, she just leaned over the sink, grabbed the edges so hard her knuckles whitened and started heaving.

"It's okay, it's okay." I used one hand to rub her back and the other to hold her hair back. "It's okay. Just relax honey." Another painful heave wrenched her body and then she slumped backwards to sit on the toilet lid while I let the water run and then turned to her to spot the tears were streaming down her face. "Hey. It's okay." I took her hands in mine and sat down on a small dresser that stood there. "Are you still feeling sick." I reached up and felt her forehead. "You don't feel warm. Damn it, I knew there was something strange about those shrimps we had last night."

"It's not the shrimps." Shauna almost whispered and leaned against my shoulder crying even harder while I stroke her hair.

"Then what is it? Do you think you've caught something? Does your stomach hurt? Maybe you have…"

"Lenny I'm late."

"What?"

We didn't have any plans for days, or, we had but they were mostly about watching all of our ('cough' her 'cough) favorite movies and series from my bed and not get out of our pyjamas for the whole day. So she couldn't be late for anything… I would have known that but… there was… But it couldn't be that could it?

"My period's late."

I guess it could!

"Whoa." In pure surprise I let go of her hands and leaned back with my hands on my legs. "Are you… have you… taken one of those… tests?" Shauna shook her head and when she started crying harder I embraced her again. "Have you got one?" She shook her head again. "Do you want me to ask my mum if she can go off and buy one?" Shauna looked up for a moment and with tears still shining in her eyes looked up at me with those eyes that would have me wrapped around her little finger.

"Can you?"

"Of course." I stood up and kissed her sweaty forehead. "And sweetheart." I laid my hand around her chin and looked down on her. "You look beautiful." Shauna didn't smile, and just looked down again. "Just holler if you get sick again. Is there anything else you need?" She softly shook her head into my hand and I let go and went upstairs.

"Mum?" I found her in the kitchen just putting the things that she had used for breakfast back in the fridge. "Are you planning on going to the store? Like now?" Mum smiled at me and shook her head slightly.

"What do you want Len?"

"I… ehrm…" I hesitated and lowered my voice. "A pregnancy test."

"Okay." I had expected mum to act really surprised, but she just smiled kindly at me and stroke my cheek. And then started moving towards the hallway. "I'll go right now. Is there anything else you need?"

"Yeah, you know this better than I do so… Is there anything that could help towards morning sickness?" Mum smiled, and I had a good idea that my confused state could seem quite funny. "I would go myself but I don't want to leave…"

"LENNY."

"I'll bring some ginger ale and some crackers." Mum promised me. "Now get down, and bring a glass of water." I nodded, ran into the kitchen for a glass and then so fast downstairs I almost tripped and dropped the whole glass before I rushed into the bathroom to find her paler than ever with her arm against the sink and her head against her arm.

"I don't feel well."

I handed her the glass, but she just turned her head away so I gently helped her up and back into the bedroom with a bucket, and then I sat down with her, and let her lean against me while I put on the notebook and wiped more tears from her eyes.

Despite the movie, and despite the fact that mum had promised to be back as soon as possible it felt like ages before I heard the door upstairs open and close and then mum's light footsteps over the floor and down the stairs.

"Hey." She talked softly to Shauna as soon as she came down. "How are you feeling sweetheart?" Shau just shrugged and didn't answer much. "I got a few of these." Mum held up some packs of pregnancy tests. "In case you want to double check, or triple check. And so on. Don't worry honey, loads of people feel like they need to do check several times so that would be perfectly normal and… First off, you go and brush your teeth to get rid of that taste okay?" Shauna didn't have the energy to protest. "Throw that tooth brush away afterwards, I bought some spare ones. So switch each time you use one after throwing up." Shauna nodded weakly against my shirt. "And then… you do know how to use a pregnancy test right?" Mum had opened one of the packs and handed the white stick to Shau who nodded. "Okay, I'll give you two some privacy now. Just holler if you need anything. And try to get some more sleep yeah? I'll make sure Billy or Belle doesn't come in here" I nodded to mum and Shauna shakily got onto her feet and stumbled towards the bathroom.

"Shau, love?" She turned around and looked tiredly to me. "You do know that whatever that stick shows I will love you forever?" Shauna nodded, but suddenly seemed more upset than before. But before I had the time to comfort again she had turned, stumbled into the bathroom and locked the door. I decided to give her some privacy and paused the movie and waited.

"It needs a minute to show whether I'm pregnant or not." She sat back down when she came out from the bathroom and leaned against my shirt. "Can I borrow one of your shirts?" I quickly nodded and helped her out of the stained pyjama shirts and into my softest and warmest fleece around her shivering figure. "What if love isn't enough?" She whimpered when I was in loss of what else to do. "Whatever this stick shows this will change the rest of our lives and what if we're having a baby and we don't have the resources to raise it. You can't just say that no matter what you will love me because what if that is not enough." Shauna broke down again and I tenderly rocked her back and forth but didn't dare to say anything else in fear of saying the wrong thing.

And maybe, maybe the New Year, and where we were now might be the start of a new era was a sign. And maybe it was a sign that we needed to change and head forward. Stop holding onto that I had been gone and realize that I would ever be gone again. And just be here and now where we were together.

Maybe it was just time to leave my past behind and head for the future

Well, at least I could try and find my mum and ask her about what I should say for starters.

Nah! Not just yet.

**So, Dakota have turned fifteen and is legally old enough to date Benjamin, although. The only ones who doesn't get they're in love are themselves. And he just had a huge stuffed care bear in birthday present from Santana who is his cousin. Then Keagan gets another horse and his dear Alma isn't young anymore. But he still loves her to pieces. Esme is a huge fan of the fault in our stars and still doesn't even want to look to Alex, which seems to be the same from his side. She's also crazy in love but doesn't really want to see it herself. Christie is getting more and more ill and more and more tired of life, but she have promised Carole to hold on at least to her birthday which is February the seventh. Martina is gay, Daniel and Ashleigh knows, Mr. Kessler however doesn't. Daniel had a sister named Angelica who died of the same thing as Christie is dying of now. No wonder he's messed up. But still he pushes everyone away. And at last it's looking like yet another woman in this story might get pregnant. And opposite to Mr. Jolie, Mrs. Jolie is really sweet. While Shauna have got Lenny wrapped around her little finger and he's afraid of doing things wrong in both of their very emotional state. And so, the Christmas holidays are done. And in the next chapter school will start again, and I guess one thing is for certain- it won't be without drama! **

**Mrs. Fredericks is portrayed by Leslie Stefanson. Alex is portrayed by Max Carver and they are written by LocalXmusicXjellybeanX. Hayley and his parents are portrayed by Tom Holland, Paul Bradley and Imelda Staunton. Esme's family are all created by Lorelai Sofia Petrova. And there is dad Richard portrayed by Robert Pralgo, mum Michelle portrayed by Susan walters. And then big sister Keira portrayed by Vanessa Marano and twin sister Katrina portrayed by Phoebe Tonkin. Alice is portrayed by my dog Jippie. Ashleigh is portrayed by Shannon Flynn and made by x snow- pony x. And Daniel's family are portrayed by Stephen Root, Julie Bowen and (younger) Georgie Henley. (As she looked like in approximately 2009) Dakota's dad is portrayed by Adam Rodriguez. Then Luis is portrayed by Ramón Rodriguez, Diego by Carlos PenaVega, Christian by Jake T. Austin and Javier by Avan Jogia and they're all made by Babygleefan11. Mady is as usual portrayed by Sarah Grace Morris. And Annie the teddy bear is portrayed by my old teddy bear Bamse. Keagan's dad- Richard Spencer is portrayed by David Boreanaz and made by LocalXmusicXjellybeanX. Isaiah is portrayed by Isaiah Washington, Yolanda by Thandie Newton and Tanisha by Skai Jackson. Lenny is portrayed by Nathan Stewart-Jarrett and is made by Gleekfreak908 and Shauna is portrayed by Zendaya. Jean (Belle and Lenny's mum) is portrayed by Kerry Washington and also made by Gleekfreak908. **

**And looking at which order I write the cla's you can totally see what order I wrote the pov's. **

**I don't know if the law about that people under the age of fifteen can't legally date someone who's fifteen or older even exists in the American law. But it does here and it does make sense so I decided to keep that line. **

**So, the book that Esme gives Bradon. Yes I have read it, but honestly. In the book it just feels like Jacob (The main character) is so… so… stereotypical. So no, it's not exactly my favorite book. But… like all of Jodi's books. It's got a great story to it, and if you like reading. It's definitely worth the read. The book that Daniel talks about- Daniel Deronda. I haven't read, I just needed a book for the story between Daniel's parents and googled to find a classic with a character named Daniel. **

**Random fact **

In the chapter there is a very, very slight reference to the actor who portrays a character. In finding Nemo- Stephen Root, who portrays Daniel's dad is the voice of Bubbles, in the chapter there's a slight mention that Mr. Vincent uses finding Nemo sheets. And yes, I wanted him to have some sort of Disney- printed sheets. I just couldn't make up my mind about which Disney before I thought about that.


	29. My one and only wish

**So, here we are. With the very start of the spring semester and a brand new chapter. I hope you'll like it. **

**Martina POV **

Usually, the time couldn't go slow enough during a school holiday and then the first morning you would just drag yourself out of bed moaning to have to go back. However, this wasn't just a regular school holiday. And the night that I had been talking to Daniel and Ashleigh had kind of made me realize that I wasn't going to keep this from people forever. Right now the ones who knew were Renie, Esme, Daniel and Ashleigh. And it wasn't going to be only them forever. Sooner or later I would have to tell my dad, and then sooner or later I would have to tell the world.

My dad was the most important person in my life, and maybe that was why I found it so hard to tell him. If just another person at school would break contact with me and never wanting anything else to do with me it wouldn't be a big deal. Yeah, I would probably hate that person for all eternity. But it would be their loss. But since mum and Gro had died…

Damn it, dad he was my everything!

Dad didn't go away for work much, he just had it at the radio a bit now and then and the rest of the time he would be home. I was also mostly home during this holiday and every day I probably had about two thousand times that I could just tell him. At breakfast, before he started reading the newspaper. When I came inside with the paper, when he put it down. When we had lunch and the list just went on and on and on.

I could have just interrupted him while we were watching one of those movies (Although maybe not when he was reading the paper) and told him right out. Came out to him. He was my dad, it probably wouldn't bother him more than what color of underwear I was wearing… but… probably… So what if it did?

I had to go around thinking about that every second of every minute of every hour of every day. And I noticed that dad noticed something was up. And several times he would ask if something was, I'd think about telling him what it really was. But tell him that I was just tired or something like that. And he'd go on.

So at last, when that Monday morning came, and I threw my bag over my shoulder, strapped my shoes all the way up. And with shouting a goodbye and dad just went 'hm' as he was far away in the news for today or whatever part of the paper he was in here. And I finally breathed out as I would get half a day away from him at school. But it didn't mean that I wasn't still thinking about it…

"Martina." Mr. Angelo's- one of the teacher's voices woke me up from my thinking. And dreaming about what dad would say when he came through the hallway with each of his hands on two teenagers' shoulders. I'd never seen this two before, but they were somewhere around high school age. And damn it, wasn't that girl beautiful?

"These are my children." He nodded to the boy. "My son James, and my daughter Xenia Marie. They're new here and I was going to show them around and to their respective classrooms later. Please. Something turned up and I can't do it." I was going to tell him no, tell him that he'd have to take care of his own children. But so I looked at them, and Xenia Marie's eyes met mine.

And suddenly I couldn't even breathe. Not even hear anything and for a second I couldn't speak either. And for that moment the only things even existing in the whole wide world was me and that beautiful girl in front of me.

"Martina?" I was woken up when someone that hadn't been there a second ago put his hand on my shoulder from behind and I turned my head to see Mr. Jonas standing there with a pair of converse in his hands. "Here, I'm your secret Santa." He handed me the shoes that were black with the prints from the covers of the twilight- saga's- books to me. "I didn't have the time to wrap them or anything. "I need to go now. See you!" He jogged away through the hallway and I looked back towards Mr. Angelo and nodded slightly. Not a chance I was missing a chance to get to know Xenia Marie.

"Yeah sure." I said after many if's and but's. "What classrooms are they in?"

"James goes in… wait, oh he goes into my classroom so I can take him." He pulled his son towards him. "But Xenia goes into Mrs. Montague's." I nodded. "So, see you in a minute. Can you go and get a map for each of them and bring one for James?" I nodded. "Thank you, I owe you one." Still, with his hand on James's shoulder (And I couldn't help to notice that the boy looked kind of grumpy) Mr. Angelo walked away through the hallway and I turned to Xenia Marie.

"So… Xenia Marie I guess."

"Actually." She said shyly. "Only dad says Marie. You can say it too if you want to. But most people just call me Xenia." I nodded- Xenia was… it was nice. It was actually the most beautiful name I had ever heard. "So… Map right?" I nodded, and without thinking anymore grabbed her hand and pulled her away towards the desk.

"So, the system with the hallways and everything here at McKinley might be kind of hard to understand." I spoke fast, and would probably feel awkward about later. "But as soon as you have it, it will be the easiest system ever. The cafeteria is over there." I pointed. "And the gym over there. And the choir room is there but you don't have to worry about that one unless you want to be a part of the glee club. Maybe you would want to be a part of the glee club. I am, I think it would be hard to take a new member in now when sectionals is over but I could talk to Mr. Blaine the coach about it and I'm sure you could. Do you want to?"

"I'm… not a very good singer."

Just as she had said that we heard a very false voice and some laugh and giggling echo through the hallway and I saw Wil and her friends Jude and Pete coming up. And that had me remember that I had bought a DVD box with big bang theory on a sale as my secret Santa present to Wil. However, I didn't really have time for that now. I was talking to Xenia.

"Oh that's fine. Oh and the library is over there. Mr. Blaine's a really nice guy anyway. I'd introduce you to him but I've got to get to my class. Here's the reception." I grabbed two maps of the school. "Here's one map. And I'll show you to the French classroom." I continued pulling her away through the hallway and to the higher floors. "Here it is." We were standing outside her classroom just as I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. "Oh, that's probably just Mr. Blaine telling us what theme we have in glee club. I can check it later since we usually haven't got a rehearsal until tomorrow anyway. So, you just catch me again if you need. Actually, I can catch you and I can show you around a bit more." Xenia nodded shyly. "Okay, see you later then." Before I had the time to say anything stupid and fast I had turned around and hurried out in the stairs. Then took a few deep breaths while pulling up my phone up and read what Mr. Blaine had written for this week.

_Hello soldiers, back for another term at McKinley are we? Great! _

_For the first week's for Finn's army's second term I have decided to do a bit of a different theme. And it will all be about what you want. What you want to be, what you want to have. In the end of this week, or as life goes by. Or just sometime before life is over. As usual, I will see you tomorrow. And I can't wait to see what you have all got. _

_-Mr. Blaine _

I knew exactly what I wanted. Even though I hadn't quite accepted myself yet what I was feeling. I knew that whenever those green eyes of Xenia's it was like I could feel my heart melting. And I couldn't believe that I had ever even thought I was in love ever before. But it probably wouldn't matter! Xenia seemed afraid of saying a word or even breathing too loud. And she was probably straight anyway.

Before I was down the stairs to the ground floor I had gone all down and still had to realize that the shy girl whose touch- even if it was only for me holding her hand to pull her through the hallway, had made me feel like… Yeah… I don't think I could have put that feeling in words if I so wrote a whole book. That the one whose eyes and shy smile when I said goodbye made my heart melt… She was probably the one and only that I could never have.

Walking through the hallway I was far gone in my own thoughts and with everything spinning in my head I didn't even notice where I was going. And suddenly I woke up from the dreaming and found myself standing the auditorium. And suddenly, out of the blue the thought of a song that would be perfect to sing. I didn't have any instruments or a band here, but… I knew the melody and lyrics well enough to sing it without all of that. And I just started singing.

I couldn't say that I'd never experienced heartache and pain in my life. Leaving my whole life behind when moving to Lima. When mum died, and Gro at the same time. Then when Renie was too bothered by the fact that I couldn't come out to care about me and chose her soccer first. And I wasn't so sure if I was ready to let the guard down and face the feeling of being in love one more time. Take the chance and throw myself over the edge. But that was just what this song was about.

As the song went on I could both feel and hear my voice getting stronger and more secure. But still, no matter how much I was trying to keep it away. The picture of Xenia smiling towards me appeared in my hand and I felt something roaring up inside of me. Something warm and something happy. But more than that, and I couldn't make it stop. And I wasn't so sure if I would have even if I did.

Well, if I did that song on glee club it would be totally awkward and I would probably be laughed at and never be taken seriously again. But however, how else would I be able to find a song that would tell the glee club one and only wish?

**Lea- Marie POV**

"Daniel." I shouted after the tall, brown- haired senior while it seemed that we both were on our way to the choir room on Tuesday and I held up a present I had bought him. It was a watch- a quite expensive one, that I had seen and thought would suit him. Screw the price, I had just used dad's credit card. "I got you this as a Christmas present." Daniel raised an eyebrow but took the present and carefully unwrapped it.

"Thanks" he said, seeming a bit confused. "It's great but… You can't be my secret Santa because I already had my secret Santa present from Christie. And I'm pretty sure this one costs a whole lot more than twenty dollars." He was joking, but even though it wasn't funny I pretended to laugh and played a bit with my hair. Daniel didn't seem to notice much though.

"Oh, no. I'm secret Santa too. But no way am I buying anything for Horrid Heedie." I let hear another pretended laugh. "Oh, here comes Blaine. I would much rather stay here and talk to you but we probably should go into the choir room." Daniel nodded, opened the door and gestured for me to go inside. "Oh, thank you." I played with my hair, and walked so close to him that when I threw my head to get my hair over one shoulder it wiped over his chest.

Daniel looked kind of tense, and actually didn't take much notice of me, he was looking to Mr. Blaine. And damn it he was so hot! But what on earth would it take for him to actually notice me? He had put down his new watch in his bag and seemed to actually have kind of forgotten about it. Now he just patiently waited for first I, then Mr. Blaine to come, and Mr. Blaine stopped to look for something in his bag. So just as I had sat down, he was done.

"Yello soldiers." Mr. Blaine said in a weird accent and made a salute when he came into the choir room. "So, first rehearsal of the spring semester. Wow… it feels weird this has been going for a whole semester already." He put his bag on the piano. "So… how many have got their secret Santa presents left to give? How many brought them here? So let's start with that one."

"I GO FIRST." Mr. Dom pulled up a wrapped present from his bag. "And…. Little sis. This one is for you." I sighed loudly, if he had pulled his sister's name of the names, why hadn't he just given it to her during Christmas instead of wasting our time here. And whatever it was for that present, now Kayla had unwrapped a book. And I probably would ever get how anyone could be like that over a book.

"Oh my GOD!" After way too long in silence with her chin dropped of the book. "OH MY GOD. THANK YOU DOM. THANK YOU." She threw her arms around the neck of her big brother. "Oh my God. I've been looking for this forever. Where did you find it?"

"Now, for everyone who hasn't known Kay for as long as I." Dom started explaining, but even though I listened. I couldn't have cared any less about it. "Kay's favorite movie is PS I love you and she is obsessed with it. So she found out it is a book as well. But haven't been able to find it. I went into the red cross thrift shop in town to see if I could find anything and…" He gestured towards the book Kayla was holding. "Now." He grabbed the book from her hands. "Now, I think we'd better get on with the…."

In the same moment he was cut off by a laugh like no other from Mr. Blaine when he had unwrapped clothes folders (obviously, like Wil said. Like Sheldon in big bang theory has) and another laugh when Mr. Jonas had unwrapped some Winnie-the- Pooh printed stuff in form of a laptop sticker and a pillow. And I wasn't so sure if Keagan, who had been giving it to him. Was the most childish with finding to give it to Mr. Jonas, or if Mr. Jonas was the most childish for acting like he liked it.

Next Jasper had a canvas from Kayla with the text 'if you want the best seat in the house, you'll have to move the dog' which I found silly, but he seemed to think was perfect. And Mr. Dom had a pretty good laugh when Seth gave him a book with the title 'five very good reasons to punch a dolphin in the mouth and other useful guides'. Seriously? That was probably the silliest of them all!

"Always remember you are braver than you believe." Charlotte read out loud from a blue canvas with white text she had gotten from Jasper. I snorted, Charlotte was the weakest and least brave person I had ever met. She hesitated, but kept on reading. "Stronger than you seem, and smarter than you believe." I snorted again, and could see a few of the glee club members glaring at me. But what could I care about that. And I breathed in relief when I realized I wasn't getting a cheap and lousy present in front of everybody.

"So" Mr. Blaine was still smiling when he stood up. "Who will be the first one to perform a song during the spring term?" I sunk back towards my chair, I hadn't thought of a song to do. And I couldn't care less about what the others would do. "Martina. The floor is yours." Martina stood up and handed some sheet music to Mr. Dom who took the acoustic guitar and made an intro before Martina started singing.

As she started, or actually already during the intro we could hear it was some sort of country. Not that Martina ever did anything else though. And maybe that was why I couldn't have cared any less about what she was singing. I mean who cared about her stupid love problems? Not me that was one thing for certain! And I sighed loudly one more time towards the ending when it just felt like the song was going on forever. And I didn't even mind that the others looked like they liked it.

"That was really good Martina." Keagan stated. "Can I go next?" Sure! He probably just commented on hers to be able to go next! Stupid boy… I mean girl! Keagan was actually a girl and everybody knew that.

Keagan started his song after being gestured by Mr. Blaine and giving out some sheet music, and he pretty much made his voice heard about what he wished for at the first line. I just found it silly and inappropriate that he'd do a song about what he wanted to be. He wanted to be a boy- or more likely. She wanted to be a boy. So bad I had heard that as soon as Keagan was old enough he'd do the surgery and start taking hormones to officially become a boy. Something I just found even more silly and inappropriate than him doing this song.

Like, we get that you want to be a boy b*tch. But stop shoving it down the throats of exactly everyone!

It felt like Keagan's song went on forever. I guessed because of the fact that I couldn't help to feel disgusted by it and why he, I mean she had chosen it. And it made me want to freaking puke. And then, after what felt like hours it ended. And I couldn't help that everyone seemed impressed and kind of emotional about what Keagan had done.

"That was very well done Keagan." Mr. Blaine stood up and patted Keagan's shoulder. "Wow. I think you're one of the bravest… No, you definitely are the bravest person I know." Keagan smiled and I just snorted, several of the other soldiers of Finn's army glared towards me. But right then I couldn't come up with anything to say. And no way was I letting them others know that.

"Ehrm." Sharon stood up and Esme seemed grumpy for some reason. I hadn't bothered to find out what it was in between those two but even I was starting to get curious about it. "Hayley asked me to do a song with him so… I will sing and he will dance. And no. There's no need to go to the auditorium. He'll just dance here." Sharon sat down on the piano chair by Kayla and laid a hand towards her belly.

Sharon nowadays had no way of covering up the fact that she was pregnant and here was another thing that just did disgust me! Like… didn't anyone ever wait nowadays? I guessed not, it seemed like a whole lot of girls got pregnant at fifteen while no one seemed to take the somewhat rational decision to wait until their wedding night.

So this was the second performance in five minutes that just made me feel nauseas. But Sharon's teenage pregnancy wasn't the only thing because this Hayley- guy (and who on earth names a boy Hayley?) was the worst dancer I had ever seen. And I had seen him around school and he was always wearing knitted shirts or T- shirts with different prints of super heroes or Gameboys or whatever.

Now he was wearing what I guessed what he thought was cooler than his usual clothes and the thing was only. The clothes didn't suit him in any ways. They didn't suit his thick- bowed glasses or curly hair, and they didn't suit his size and everything was around five sizes too big. Which lead to the fact that while he was a really bad dancer, he was also stumbling on too long slacks, and had a hoodie hanging down all down to his knees and made it hard for him to move.

Or should I say, harder. Because there probably wasn't a bone in this boy's body that was good at dancing or any other movement. He was the clumsiest person I had ever seen. The others seemed quite amused by it though and several ones had already quit with trying not to laugh while Hayley seemed more and more stressed out- not that I cared though!

At last when the song ended and Hayley stumbled against the piano where he took support while he was panting. This boy couldn't have a fit part in his whole body! And he hadn't even stopped panting when Esme had spoken up- and it wasn't hard to understand Esme was the one he had been doing it for.

"That's the sweetest thing I've ever seen." Despite Esme's kind words Hayley's eyes went dark. And he seemed angry and hurt as he crawled onto his feet and stiffly walked towards the door where he slammed the door after him and Esme looked confused. "I guess I… I'll go after him." She grabbed her bag, a the- fault- in- our- stars one and headed for the door herself and was soon out of my sight and disappeared.

"So have anybody else got a song?" Mr. Blaine asked. "No? Okay, then see you around and if not I'll see you all on Thursday. Well done everybody, both with all of the presents I have seen and with your songs." He continued smiling at us and started riffling in some papers he had laid on the piano. And I left the room and walked towards the door. Finally I was getting out of school for this lousy day.

"Lea- Marie" I heard someone shouting after me in the hallway, and first I was going to leave it be when I heard who it was but when I heard running footsteps I sighed and turned around just as Bradon Fredericks came running up to me with a quite big, flat package in his hand. "I'm your secret Santa." He handed me the present that was wrapped in Christmas paper even though Christmas was over. "I hope you like it. Can you open it now, so you can tell me what you think? I'm sorry I couldn't give you it sooner, I just finished making it."

I glared at him, why on earth would I be interested in anything he had made? That was just a way of getting away cheap so you wouldn't have to pay. I had planned to, without opening it throw it in the trash when I got out of the school building but if I didn't open it now I would probably never get rid of the annoying way Bradon looked to me and I quickly ripped off all the paper.

"So do you like it?" Bradon leaned down to pick up the paper and wrapping that I had just let fall onto the floor and then looked to me curiously while I looked down onto the framed picture. "I made it myself."

The framed picture was drawn onto a black paper, with lines in white, green and red- the colors of the Italian flag. And in the middle of the picture he had only with those lines drawn me, my face and hair and around that known Italian things. Italian statues, a gondola, colosseum, football, pasta, pizza, Lagotto romagnolo- dogs and Italian kinds of hens. And in all of that the words 'vado a casa'

"I'm going home."

I whispered the translation of those short, three words under my breath and fought away the tears. Of course I didn't miss it, I had went back there and realized there was nothing left of or for me. But… Just like that it all came back to me. And God I missed that, not what Italy was now. But what it had been before. Not that I was letting Bradon see that part though.

"Of course I don't like it. Why would I? Making things yourself is just a cheap way of getting away with things like secret Santa. And the only things that are even worse than things as cheap as no more than 20 dollars are just that. I can't believe you thought I would like it. Ugliest piece of sh*t I have ever seen!"

With that I span around and hurried down the hallway, not caring about the hurt look I had seen flashing by in Bradon's eyes and pretending that I hadn't even seen it. I thanked God that the picture was framed so it wasn't destroyed by the sleet snowing outside and I wiped it off after getting in the car and carefully laid it towards the passenger seat.

For a moment I just sat there, from here no one would be able to see what I was looking at anyway and I let my eyes follow every little line, and every little curve in the lines. It was artistic- and almost poetic in a way I couldn't really describe. The picture was beautiful, and Bradon had even captured some kind of thoughtfulness in my drawn eyes. And playfulness in the eyes of the Lagotto's. So badly I was actually kind of jealous of that dog who would never ever know what it meant to be hurt, to miss, or to have your heart broken. But I couldn't sit there forever, and I couldn't let that Bradon- guy and his silly present decide what I would do with my day so at last I started my car and pulled out of the parking lot.

But when I came home I kind of wished that I had stayed, or just went swimming before I went home. Dad stood in the kitchen with a paper in his hands and seemed absolutely furious when he looked at me. He didn't even greet me before he started talking, and if he had come out here instead of called me to his office it couldn't be good.

"You used five hundred dollars for a watch?" Oh crap. I knew he would find out about that sooner or later! "Lea- Marie Hale. You answer me right now."

"But daddy I…"

"YOU USED FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS?" My dad seemed angrier than I had ever seen. "FOR ONE WATCH." The tone and volume in my dad's voice was kind of scaring me. But no way was I letting him know that. And I pulled on my best puppy eyes. "NOT NOW LEA." Dad stood up and looked away from me, while pulling his hands through his hair. But I had seen him hesitate when I looked into his eyes like that.

"It was for a boy." I said as sweet and smooth as I possibly could. "A really nice boy daddy. And…"

"I DON'T WANT ANY EXPLENATIONS." Dad continued shouting. "AND NOW I WANT YOU TO GO STRAIGHT UP TO YOUR ROOM. Nuh- uh. You've proved that you can't take responsibility like an adult than I will treat you like a child. And your first punishment will be that you need to tell this whoever boy now, that you need that watch back. You've got the receipt have you?" I nodded. "And it better be able to get back because otherwise you have got yourself into a whole lot of trouble young lady. NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM."

"But daddy."

"NOW"

Dad was panting in anger and pointing towards the stairs. But I just pouted angrily and took the bag and the framed picture and then headed towards the stairs. I could feel dad looking after me. But I didn't waste him the time and continued stomping towards the stairs and ran while stomping as hard as I could up the two floors into my room where I threw the bag on the floor. Swiped some things from the desk with my arm and put the frame that Bradon had given me on it before I turned the stereo on, and turned it up as loud as possible to annoy dad even more. Maybe if I did it as much as possible he wouldn't care about that punishment.

I more screamed than sang along in the song that came on. Everything just to annoy dad as much as I could. But eventually stopped and stood up from laying on my bed to put the song on replay. And the saddest thing was, that was the song was about was exactly what I wanted. That it was what everything I had ever wished for?

But how was I supposed to get what I wished for? When my one and only wish included two people. Out of one whom were dead. And the other one didn't seem to know that I existed?

**Esme POV**

Already on the Tuesday Hayley had somehow managed to talk me into going out with him already on Wednesday. Today was Thursday. And the still fresh memories that played over and over in my head wouldn't let my goofy smile from ear to ear leave.

…"_I just thought." Hayley had told me. "That well, your ex-boyfriend is Alex Fredericks." I couldn't help but moan. "So I thought if that you liked that kind of boys than… if I was more like that then maybe… I could kind of… get a date with you at last… _

Hayley had seemed more insecure than ever while I couldn't help but laugh and told him that I had had enough of those bad boys for my whole life. And he had just peered a bit with those brown eyes and made my heart melt. So how could I not have said yes when he asked if we could go out just one day after his failed attempt for a performance in glee club.

…"_Hayley" I had stated when we had taken a walk. Despite the cool January temperature. "You do know that… I really like you." I glanced over the T- shirt, the opened sleeveless hoodie and the ripped jeans he was wearing. "Only… I like you- you! So… don't try to be anyone else and if… If you feel that you have to change yourself for anyone then… They're not worth that. Because you are… Okay, I'll put this straight. The most adorable and sweet person I have ever met. And if there is anyone there who's not happy with that then… it's their loss!"… _

For the first time in God knows how long I really… I had just been speaking straight from my heart to the person that I really, really liked. And I kept on thinking that six months ago, or nine months ago. Or during the time I was together with Alex. That would have never ever happened. And I could never have imagined to just open my heart as I could do to Hayley.

I opened my locker and threw the math books into it before grabbing the French books and put them down into my bag before I reached for the Swiss army knife that still laid furthest into the locker at the top shelf. And to be able to stand just like that. Holding onto it after all of this time without feeling the slightest urge to do anything I shouldn't. And finally, all of the cutting I had done all of that time ago felt like another time. Another life that would never come again. And with that feeling, I left the knife right upon some papers in the front. Where there would be no chance that I wouldn't see it the next time I saw it.

Still with that goofy smile on my lips I walked out into the stairs. But I stopped when I heard Hayley's voice from further down the stairs and with no further notice I turned around and started as quietly as I could to walk down the stairs to surprise him. But I started believe something wasn't as good as I thought when I heard a person talking quietly to him, and that was the voice of my twin sister.

I had my feeling confirmed when I only had a few stairs left, Katrina said something I couldn't hear and with her hand towards Hayley's cheek she got really, really close. And even though Katrina was with her back against me it was very, very clear to me what they were doing.

Kissing!

"HAYLEY?!" I had shouted his name before I'd have the time to stop myself. And while Katrina spun around so her hair flew around her and Hayley just opened his eyes wide open and looked afraid while Katrina only glared to me. "Katrina?" My shout had gone into a whimper. "You? Of all people?"

"UGH!" Katrina shouted. "I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF BEING A TWIN. AND WHATEVER TROUBLE YOU GET INTO I BECOME A PART OF IT. AND PEOPLE ALWAYS COMPARE US AND… UGH" She ran up the stairs and I was left alone with Hayley in the small room below the stairs.

"Esme I…"

"Not one word." I started while backing up the stairs with tears filling up in my eyes. "I can't believe you'd use me like that. And I never want to see you ever again." My voice was breaking and while I could still talk I ended it before I turned away from him so fast my long, brown hair flew around me.

I ran up the stairs and to my locker and opened it as fast as I could. And the getting it open with that code always seemed like a long and annoying process but had never seemed as long and annoying as it was right now. Then at last I could rip it open and I grabbed the small foldable metal piece and without closing the locker again I ran over to the nearest bathroom. That thankfully was empty.

I rolled up my sleeves and unfolded the Swiss army knife. But while I held it to my wrist I suddenly couldn't move it anymore. I had just been so sure right away, I needed something physically to just take away the mental pain for a moment. Just for now. And I had gotten the knife almost without thinking. But it had been so long and now I just couldn't do it.

"AH." Suddenly the door to one of the stalls was opened. I was scared half to death and lost the grip of the knife. I thought it would mostly fall to the floor but while I tried to regain the control of it, it had ripped up a long wound almost half of the way from my hand and to my elbow. And I hit my hand over it in a desperate attempt to stop it from bleeding while I spotted Christie who had come out from that stall and stood still and with scared looking eyes looked from my eyes, down onto my arm and the blood running way too fast from it and dripping to the floor and up again.

I myself tried to stop the bleeding from my arm with paper and looked down on it and up on Christie in such a fast pace I almost got dizzy. Christie didn't seem sure what about what to do. I wanted to tell her to run and get my mum but before I had she had pulled up her phone and while I sunk down onto the floor. Trembling under the pressure not only of what I had done and the blood loss. But also under the feelings, and I could feel myself going away. And since I knew fighting wouldn't do anything anyway. I just let myself be surrounded by the thick, but comforting dark.

When I started coming back to reality I was in the hospital. Mum and dad stood on one of the sides of the bed I laid in. Mum was crying quietly and dad seemed to be having trouble to fight the tears away. I tried to lift my unhurt arm and take mum's hand but my body wouldn't listen to me. And with only my eyes moving I could see Dr. Graham- Hayley's dad sitting and checking the wound on my arm. But it felt like I was in my own bubble, and I could see. But not hear or move. Until I looked back to mum and dad and forced my hand to move upwards towards her hand. Then when she held mine I came back and I could shake my head slightly.

"It's not as bad as it looks like." Dr. Graham said just as I could move and turned my head towards him. "It's already stopped bleeding. But it needs stitches and I'll take care of that part. Excuse me." He looked up towards mum and dad. "I think I and Esme needs to talk a bit." Mum tried to protest. "Can you…?" He looked up towards a nurse whose name tag red 'Susan' who nodded and along with her arm around mum's shoulders and dad on the other side they left the room. "So…" Dr. Graham had laid up everything he needed on a small board right by the bed. "Is it possible that my son had anything to do with this?"

Damn it!

I barely even knew where it came from myself, but suddenly I told Dr. Graham everything. About that cutting, about Alex, about Sharon. And at last about what had happened earlier. Dr. Graham at the time, silently put one stitch after the other in my arm and somehow hm'd or nodded at something I said. Other than that he didn't do or say much but I had a feeling he still listened closely to every word I said. But despite that I wasn't so sure if he believed me when I came to the last part.

"I swear it was an accident."

While stitching up the last piece of the wound and I had finished Dr. Graham started humming. After a little bet the humming had words in it and I, with my voice breaking and quietly started singing along. Dr. Graham soon put the very last stitch (hopefully the last one ever) and stopped humming while he laid his arms towards the rails around the bed and looked me seriously into the eyes.

"You see… Esme. I'm going to try to make this short but… I and my wife we tried… one year after the other to have kids. She got pregnant, we were over the moon with joy and then she just had one miscarriage after the other and by the time she was forty one and I forty three… We just figured that it was too late." I had no idea what this had to do with anything but I let him go on. "And then… long story short. There was Hayley and we hadn't even known we were pregnant." I tried to give a smile but it probably ended up more of a half- hearted grimace. "And do you know how that happened?" I grimaced again- okay this was something that I didn't want to talk with him about. And Dr. Graham noticed and chuckled slightly.

"Because… even when we figured it was too late we never really gave up. And we never really stopped wishing for having a child and… as Hayley has grown up that is the one motto we have kept for him that if he really, really wishes for something than go after it and never, ever give up." I nodded. "And I know he's a bit shy, and a bit too afraid to say how he really feels but once you get to know him he just blooms. And… I have seen him talking about you and the way he tries to figure out one day to get a date with you after the other and believe me- they weren't all good ideas!" For the first time in what felt like forever I could actually smile. "But you can put your mind to that when Hayley have spent so much time going after something, he really wants it. And he won't give up… So I don't think that what you believe was… cheating? Really was. It might just be a misunderstanding. And I'll be asking you for one thing here…" I nodded. "…If he tries to explain. Then just listen to him. I'm not asking you to do it today, maybe not even tomorrow. But please. Just listen to him."

"I gotta get back to school." I said without another word, saying that out loud felt so much harder than what it had been thinking about it. And I saw Dr. Graham hesitate about it. "My mum works in school, don't worry about it." He nodded slightly, as if he figured I could make a decision like that on my own. "And… I'll try to talk to Hayley." And there was the hardest thing to say of them all!

As I, pulling my jacket on walked towards the waiting room where mum and dad were waiting. I had to fight the tears away one more time. And maybe, for somebody else they would easily believe my wish right there and then was to have Hayley as mine. All mine, but so wasn't the case. And actually, my one and only wish for the moment was to be able to go back in time and make everything that had happened the last hour or two undone. So that maybe it could also lead to that other wish.

**Charlotte POV **

Later during the Thursday after Esme Montague had been taken to the hospital the whole school was whispering and gossiping about it. In some way, Esme had returned to school barely an hour later. But was wearing a way too big long sleeved hoodie and made sure she had them pulled over her hands at all times. And didn't talk to anyone, or even talk to them while she hurried through the hallways and into whatever classroom she was going into next.

I couldn't help to feel sorry for her, but not much concentration was left to talk to her when I had to make my way through the hallway. I had gotten crutches instead of that damn wheelchair and now when no one was whispering and gossiping about me anymore I had to push my way through the hallways, and balance not to fall anytime and all the time.

Right before glee club I could spot Sharon's short, red hair in the hallway. But I was too slow to catch up with her with my crutches, and I didn't want to shout. The hallway was crowded and without shouting at the top of my lungs there would be no chance of her hearing me. Although, when I could see her stopping by her locker I breathed out slightly and hurried as much as I could over to her and tried not to care about the burning in every little piece of the long, many and deep scars on my leg.

"Here, Sharon." I tried to move the crutches into one hand and get my backpack off. But didn't succeed and would have fell if I wasn't so close to the lockers I could take support against them with my whole body and the crutches fell to the floor with two bangs. "Okay. I'm your secret Santa and I'll give you your present first." I pulled my backpack off and searched around it to find the present. "Here it is. I'm sorry you had to be the last one to get yours."

"That's okay." Sharon pulled the straps of the present while I continued taking support towards the lockers. "Oh, this is really nice." She threw the wrapping in a nearby trash can and unwrapped the baby blanket which was silver- colored with blue stars on one side, and blue with silver stars on the other. "And it's so soft. Thank you Charlotte. That is very helpful. Here, let me help you." She bent down towards my crutches but I held up my hands to stop her.

"It's okay. Glee club starts like now so you just go." Sharon seemed to want to protest, but turned around and left. And I was left alone to, even though I couldn't bend my right leg at all. Get my crutches up from the floor. That was all on me though. "Stupid, stupid, stupid." I was whispering under my breath, almost fell and had to pull myself up towards the side of the locker not to fall.

"Hey." Suddenly a boy caught up. And I recognized his voice right away on the way it made me feel all warm and made my heart beat. It was Seth. "Let me help you." I balanced upwards onto my feet, or foot rather as I could only support on one leg and grabbed the crutches that Seth reached to me for helping.

"Thanks. That was really nice."

"Don't worry about it." Seth smiled and walked by my side, and seemed ready to catch me if I would fall all the way to the choir room. "It would be what anyone would have done." He smiled again, and his fringe fell into his eyes. "Geez, I gotta get a haircut like yesterday." He held the door open. "M'lady." He gestured into the room and I couldn't help to smile one more time while I made my way into the choir room.

The first one I saw already before I was into the choir room was Esme. She seemed far gone into her own world and was wearing a hoodie I would guess belonged to her dad or someone. I had met her dad once though, and there was this thing with him being a lot taller and bigger than any of the women in the family so it was way too big for Esme. But she seemed pulled into herself and callous, but still sad where she sat staring into the air and didn't seem to take any notice about the others gossiping and whispering right behind her.

Mr. Blaine came into the room just as Seth supported me to sit down and then put another chair in front of me and helped me to put my leg up on it. And even though it was a bit annoying. I couldn't help to smile. Seth really was a very sweet guy, and no one wouldn't be able to say that he wasn't a gentleman.

"Esme does the first song today." Mr. Blaine stated, a lot more serious than I had ever seen him before. And he came to sit down next to me while Esme showed Kayla something and Kayla started playing on the piano while Wil, Mr. Dom and Mr. Jonas came to sit with us others instead of by their respective instruments.

Esme seemed completely devastated while she sung, so badly she couldn't even stand up and she had sunk down onto the floor with her back against one of the piano's wooden legs. With the shakiness in her voice, and only the piano to. It was making shivers go through my body and I was almost shaking myself.

The song was nothing else but beautiful and sad. And it only made it more beautiful and sadder to know that Esme knew every word she was singing. And only from the feelings of the song I could feel the tears drawing near in my own, brown eyes. And as the song went on, Esme's voice went more and more shaky and more and more broken. Until the last few lines where it was mostly a whimper. And not at all so steady in the tone as Esme usually could keep it before she seemed to let go. And while she kept quiet. She had her head supporting towards her hand, her elbow towards he knee and you could see the tears falling from her eyes and running down her cheeks faster than what she would have been able to stop them if she tried.

Mr. Blaine stood up, but no one else did. And I felt something that kept at least me back. Maybe it kept the others back too. That Esme would be better off if we just kept quiet and let Mr. Blaine do the work. Instead of having twenty other people coming to help her and just make, well. Something where no one would be able to hear our own thoughts.

"Hey." Mr. Blaine said softly and crawled down onto his knees before he sat down Indian style and pulled the teenager onto his lap. "It's okay." He rocked her carefully from side to side and stroke her hair. "Sch, sch, sch. It's okay. You're okay." By then, Esme just let go. But her sobs sounded muffled towards Mr. Blaine shirts while he just continued to try and comfort her with the tools that he had. "It's okay. Just let it all out sweetheart, I'm right here."

I'm not sure how long it lasted, but no one except for Mr. Blaine said a single word, and that would be everyone including Lea- Marie who didn't even sigh or snort like she would usually do. But on the other hand, she sat and fingered with her phone so it beeped and vibrated all the time. But well… it was as good as we could make it I guess.

"Ugh." Esme moaned when she had finally stopped crying and tried to wipe off Mr. Blaine's shirt. "I got tears and snot all over your shirt. Disgusting, I'm so sorry."

"Don't worry about it." Mr. Blaine took support against the piano chair and stood up and then gently helped Esme up before he unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off. I looked away, all until I realized he was wearing a T shirt under and he laid the button up over his bag. "It can be washed." He cleared his throat and turned to all of us. I'm not so sure this is the right time to have a rehearsal. Do you want a ride home Es?"

"NO." Lea- Marie shouted before anyone had had the time to say anything. "No, no, no. I've got a song planned and I am not letting it go this time." Mr. Blaine sighed and looked to Esme, who just nodded and gestured. "Okay, fine. I'm doing it whether you like it or not." Esme went to sit down in the chairs and Mr. Blaine sat down next to her. Lea- Marie got out onto the floor and put the intro on at her phone with a karaoke version of the song.

To say that we were all stunned by the song she did would be an understatement. But still, with Lea-Marie's spoiled and greedy personality. I couldn't think of any kind of song that would suit her better than this one. Even though I had never heard the song before I could hear every single word and the more it came into the song, the more it seemed to fit.

When she was done there were a few, spread hands clapping. But we others were too stunned and still in chock to think about doing it. And Miss Hale did not seem happy about that. So Daniel started talking quickly so she wouldn't be throwing a tantrum.

"Mr. Blaine, you had a group number planned didn't you?"

"I'm not so sure. Maybe you would all be better off with going home…" There were some protests, mainly from Keagan and Mady, and from Esme. "Okay, we'll do it." Mr. Blaine said after a few seconds of hesitation. "But, after all of this drama. Maybe, we'd let this part be calm." He held up a bunch of papers that he had had lying on the piano. "Don't move from your seats. The lines have got the names of those I want singing on them." He handed out the last of the sheet music to the band. "And, from the top."

Mady got to start this song and seemed over the moon about it. But after al. It was a pretty calm and steady group number I had to admit. We all sat in the chairs, and sung the parts that had our names on them. And didn't move much. But still, there was something beautiful about it. And it didn't just come from the song that just seemed to hit me right in the heart.

After the rehearsal the song wouldn't leave my mind. It got me thinking that maybe, maybe there would be hope for me too. And maybe, some day. Even I could know where I would be going with my life. Maybe, even I could be whatever I wanted. Even if it meant reaching all the way to the moon. What was it they said? That even if you didn't reach the moon you'd land among the stars. So far I had thought that if I tried I would hit the ground hard, very hard. But maybe, maybe I could be the one to land on the moon, even if the odds weren't exactly big.

On Friday afternoon, when I sat on my bed and watched my sister Frances and her best friend Lucy take one of the boxes after the other and walk out of the room with them and walked out of the room. Frances had said that she'd move out as soon as she turned eighteen, she turned eighteen yesterday and by that day she had all of her things packed up in boxes. The roomed seemed empty, we had had to clean it to find what was mine and what was hers. So it was cleaner than what it had been for as far back as I could remember, and it only had my bed, my desk and chair, my wardrobe and the arm chair that dad had talked Frances into letting me have it here.

It took them about half an hour to move all of the boxes from what would be my room only from today on and out into Lucy's car. And every time they came into the room I could sense they found me quite creepy since in boredom of not being able to move like I wanted I followed their every move with my eyes. Until there were no boxes left and Frances came into my room and first looked around before she stopped right by where I sat on the bed.

"So, goodbye then I guess."

"Bye."

"See you at school."

"Yes."

"Oh come here little sister." Frances was holding her arms open and I crawled from my bed and up on my left leg before we wrapped our arms around each other for the first time in God knows how long. "I know that we fight and… that we hate each other." She laughed slightly and we let go, and I sunk back towards my bed and started stroking KittyKat's soft, grey and brown fur when she jumped up beside me. "But you're my little sister. I'll always have your back and… I love you."

"I love you too."

"CHARLOTTE" We heard dad's voice from the hallway. "SETH IS HERE." As usual when Seth was close to me, and that he had even come home to see me made one feeling after the other roar up inside of me. My heart was beating, my mind went funny and I could barely even breathe. "HE'LL COME INTO YOUR ROOM."

Frances smiled and left the room, we would never get a better goodbye than that. And just a second later Seth came into the room, he had an acoustic guitar hanging on his back and was carrying a pretty big book with a picture of a girl on the cover, a girl with blonde or brown hair, or maybe red, it was hard to see in the picture. And in front of some forest or something that had been blurred while the girl was so clear you could see the water drop running down her forehead and her bare arms and legs.

"I was thinking that you'd maybe like this book." I nodded. "But there is a problem. It's only available in Swedish. But I had this idea that if I read it out loud to you and then translate as I read. Does that sound like a good Idea? I know it sounds a bit weird now. But I honestly really think you could like it so…. We could give it a try couldn't we?"

I wasn't so sure what I wanted to answer, But Seth was smiling so wide at the idea I couldn't tell him no, so with the guitar right by the desk chair he sat in, he opened the book and then looked up at me to explain what he needed before reading.

"This first chapter might seem a bit confusing, but I promise you it will make sense, and more sense the further we come into the book." I nodded. "Ready?" I nodded again. "Are you comfortable? Okay, then. Well, I can make myself perfectly understood in both Swedish and English but since they're so different with the grammar, translating can be a bit hard. So sorry for any mistakes… They called me Ise by Madeleine Krell. Chapter one, the first steps."

Seth was right. This first chapter did seem a bit confusing, but I just listened to every word he said. Even when he had to cut a few words, and start a sentence from the beginning. And even though I didn't understand much of what it was about just yet. Something in the language of how it was written or how Seth translated it. That made shivers go through my body and gave me the strangest feeling that I couldn't really place.

"…And for the first time in a long time it felt fun to go to practice." Seth finished the first chapter and closed the book. Which he laid on my desk. Without further explanation. There was one more thing I wanted to show you before I left." Seth grabbed his guitar, put the book down and placed the musical instrument on his leg. "And first of all, my wish isn't for you to feel pressured to do anything but maybe… more like… that I want to help you to do something. So… may I show it?" I nodded and Seth started playing.

No matter what he had said before, it felt like everything he wished for with the song he did was for me to stop hesitating. Stop being so shy and just reach out of my shell. Everything all at once. If only it had been so easy actually doing as it was for him to sing about. And even though I loved this song, it felt like forever before it ended because everything I could think about with every line was that I just needed to do everything better than what I had been so far.

"I think that dad ordered dinner." I said quickly as soon as he was finished. "And I don't think there's enough for you." Seth nodded and took his guitar and his book. "That was really nice and so far I'm really liking that book. Thank you for doing that." He nodded. "Well, goodbye, see you in school." He nodded goodbye and walked out the door. And ten seconds later I could hear him leave the house.

I put on some music in my headphones to have something else to think about than just having lied to Seth to have him leave the house. Put the radio on and expected it to be like always when I put it on to be going towards commercial. But instead it sounded like it just came back from commercial and a song, which I right away recognized at the instrumental came on.

I started singing along. This had been one of my mum's favorite song and she had sung it for both me and Frances and dad. It was one of the few songs I could clearly remember her singing, and I hadn't been able to listen to it since then, but now I was. And for the first time in God knows how long I felt happy thinking about mum. Not that she was dead of course. But for all the nice and loving memories I had of her.

But what was I supposed to do when the song just fit so perfectly well? And when it said exactly what I was too shy to ask to have. Even though it was my favorite song, how would I be able to do it without getting a ton of questions that I was too shy to answer? Maye it would be better to not do anything at all, especially not that song. And well, wishes week was over anyway. Maybe that was a sign that I shouldn't ever consider a song like this.

But since I couldn't see so far into the future or even know if I would be able to ever do that. My one and only wish for now was to be able to tell Seth how I really felt. And that before he had gone home, or school was over for the day. And maybe, this one and only wish could one day become reality. Just maybe.

**Playlist  
**Martina/ Dr. Graham/ Esme/ Lea-Marie/ Charlotte- I wanna know what love is- Foreigner  
Martina- Somebody's Chelsea- Reba McEntire  
Keagan- If I were a boy- Beyoncé  
Sharon with Hayley dancing- Moves like Jagger- Maroon 5 feat. Christina Aguilera  
Esme- Breathe me- Sia  
Lea- Marie- Money- Elin Lanto  
Group- Be what you wanna be- Darin  
Seth- Brave- Sara Bareilles

**So… Martina haven't been able to come out to her dad as she's afraid of what he might think. Then she seem to have fallen in love with a really shy but sweet senior student named Xenia, who's also Mr. Angelo's daughter and have for some reason changed school in the middle of the year along with her brother James. Lea-Marie bought a very expensive present for Daniel but not for Benjamin who she is secret Santa to. And her dad is furious for her spending so much money on one thing and for one thing she needs to get that watch back to return it to the store. She also acted like she didn't care about Bradon's present when she really liked it. Hayley tried to be cool in front of Esme, but failed hard. But still, they went on a date and seemed to have a good time but then Esme finds him kissing her twin sister… what is going on here? Also, Hayley's dad works at the pediatric ward as a surgeon. But for some reason, that he wanted to talk to Esme. Took the job with stitching up her wounds as to not feel that mental pain for a minute, she was on her way of… well, cutting and… she didn't but then she cut by accident, but was back at school the same day and everyone are whispering and gossiping about what happened. Charlotte is on crutches and gave Sharon a baby blanket. She and Seth are still madly in love but she's too shy to tell him. Her sister moved out of the house. And Seth have had the idea to read a book to her, since it's in Swedish so she couldn't read it herself. And everyone are afraid of saying what they really feel… hurray not so much! See you next time in… dancing in the rain! **

**I just wanted to say, another time that the whole cutting- incident is NOT in any way any try and dishonor anyone. I just simply think that… it's something that needs to be talked about more. I think it'll make more sense in the next chapter but, I have no personal experiences with cutting so… If I get anything wrong or anything I am truly sorry. **

**Lagotto romagnolo is an Italian breed of dogs. **

**De kallade mig Ise, or they called me Ise. Is in fact a book, and is in fact only available in Swedish. But it is one of the best books I have ever read I can promise you. I looooove it! **

**Mr. Angelo is portrayed by Sean Penn, and his children are Xenia who's portrayed by Willa Holland. And James, who's portrayed by Jack Griffo and written by GleeJunkie007. Mr. Kessler is portrayed by Rob Thomas. Hayley is portrayed by Tom Holland and Dr. Graham and his wife by Paul Bradley and Imelda Staunton. Katrina is portrayed by Phoebe Tonkin and Mr. And Mrs. Montague by Robert Pralgo and Susan Walters. All of the Montague's are made by Lorelai Sofia Petrova. Morgan- Lea- Marie's dad is portrayed by Mark Ruffalo and is made by Iloveheartlandx Frances is portrayed by Dove Cameron, Lucy by Rita Ora, and Mr. Amato, Charlotte and Frances's dad by Eric Dane. The latest three were made by JoshiferJennoist. Kayla is portrayed by Kira Kosarin and made by GleeJunkie007. Dom by LocalXmusicXjellybeanX and is portrayed by Shawn Ashmore. And Jonas made by me and portrayed by Aaron Ashmore. Wil is portrayed by Rowan Blanchard and written by me, x snow- pony x, Lorelai Sofia Petrova, Yonna9queen and GleeJunkie007.**

**Random fact **

I most seriously went crazy when I thought about Lea- Marie doing that song. I was pm'ing IloveheartlandX and went all like 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I'VE FOUND THE MOST PERFECT SONG EVER' And one day riding the bus, I told my friend about Lea's character and showed her the lyrics of the song. And even though she doesn't know the story more than what I have told her about it. She knew it was perfect too.


	30. Choose life choose death choose truth

**I'm getting used to a new keyboard which is causing me to write wrong all the time. So if it is really bad at places, I'm afraid you'll just have to bear with it. **

**Daniel POV **

_I've got a theme planned for this week but I don't want to write it over Facebook. Meet me in the choir room at five, just after the last class. All of you. If you've got anything else it'll only take a minute and I'll send a note with you to explain. _

_-Mr. Blaine_

I frowned at what he had written. Mr. Blaine hadn't been wanting to tell us last week either. But I had a bad feeling about this. And I had an idea that Mr. Blaine wanted to refer the theme this week around to what had happened to Esme last week. But I still just put my phone back into my pocket. It would show and even if I found Mr. Blaine in the hallway or anything, he probably wouldn't say anything about it since he wanted to wait until everyone could hear him.

"Hey Daniel." My thoughts were interrupted when Jake came through the hallway and greeted me happily. I couldn't help but smile and let go of my thoughts about glee club. "What's up?" Jake smiled again, and I smiled too. Jake was usually very shy- although not when he was talking to me and it made me feel good, both for myself and for Jake. "Oh and by the way, that game console. Best birthday present ever… But." He handed me a wrapped present. "I know it's late but. Happy late birthday."

"You really didn't have to." I unwrapped. "Learning chess- book." I let hear a short chuckle. "You won't give up until I let you teach me how to play will you?" Jake shook his head and I ruffled his hair playfully just as I could see Benjamin walking by. "Okay, I need to talk to Ben. See you later Jake." I jogged a short bit to catch up with the blonde.

"Hey Benjamin."

"Hey Dan." He smiled slightly and blew his blonde fringe out of his eyes, only to have it fall back a split second later. "Seriously?" He tried with his hand but it happened again. "Ugh! Well, what did you want? I don't want to be rude but I've got to get to class."

"Are you alright?" I asked distressed first. Because Benjamin didn't look alright. He was pale- even more than usual, with dark circles under his eyes and the look on his face just screamed out exactly how tired he really was. "Really? Are you alright?" Benjamin wiped his eyes a little and sighed before answering.

"I woke up at about one in the morning. Somehow thought it was morning and took my meds." Benjamin seemed to be talking truthfully. "And the thing with Ritalin in your body is that then you can't sleep until it's gone out which means that tonight I slept for a total of three hours." He sighed. "I don't really know why I just told you that. I didn't mean to bother you but honestly I'm so tired I don't know who I'm talking to." He let hear a short, very forced laugh.

"It's fine. Lea- Marie gave this one to me." I pulled up the watch, still in the box from my bag and handed it to Ben. "But said that she was actually your secret Santa so… I have no idea how cheap or expensive it was… but I have a feeling it's more on the expensive side. But… I don't need it so I think you should have it." I waited for a second, only to see Benjamin standing with it in his hand looking from it, up at me and then to the watch again.

He seemed impressed, and I actually had an idea that that watch might be more worth than everything else he owned together. His chin had dropped, and he tried to hand it back but I refused and just pushed his hand back towards him. Although, before Benjamin had had the time to open the parcel or even turned his stuttering into actual words someone had pushed me away.

"I need that back." Lea- Marie had come over and ripped it out of his hands and turned to me. "What's wrong with you? I told you I wasn't going to give Horrid Heedie a present." With that she turned on her heel and stomped away through the hallway and disappeared out of our sight.

"What's up with her?" It was my question- but actually I did know that she was just being Lea-Marie and I didn't even need to ask. So I just shrugged, while I could tell Benjamin was disappointed so I patted his shoulder. "I promise I will get you something for secret Santa if she doesn't." Benjamin just shrugged kind of given up and turned and walked down the hallway. While I had to turn in the other direction and mentally… well pretty much beat Lea up. Not for taking that watch, but from seeing the hurt look in Benjamin's eyes from what she had said and done- again!

I shook the thoughts off and got to my next class. But during the rest of the day I couldn't help to think about glee club and the weird feeling that this wouldn't be just another week like any other.

"How many here have ever suffered from mental unhealth." Mr. Blaine asked when he had as usual jumped up to sit on the piano. "It's fine, it's fine. You don't have to answer… How many of you have been depressed? Woken up miserable and gone to bed even more miserable. Been afraid of falling asleep because you've been afraid of waking up. Had suicidal thoughts? Panic attacks? Maybe been afraid of eating, and every meal is just filled with angst and just… one kilo more. I can drop one kilo more and then I'll be done. Maybe cried yourself to sleep?"

I clenched my hands hard in my lap. I didn't want to say anything. Didn't even want to face the truth about the fact that all of the things that he pulled up was things that I had gone through after Angelica's death. And I pressed my lips hard together not to whimper or whatever. While I could see most of the people in the room- probably including me. Had gone pale as sheets.

"The thing with mental unhealth." Mr. Blaine continued. "Is that no one talks about it. And everything is 'just snap out of it' or 'stop feeling sorry for yourself' or 'can't you just try a bit harder?' And. That is like telling a person with stomach flu to stop throwing up." Mr. Blaine sighed slightly and scratched the back of his head. "So, I wanted to do a week for mental unhealth with. Doing songs about suicide and suicidal thoughts. Since suicide does happen, all around while. People keep on thinking that if we don't talk about it. It will just go away while that is just making it worse. So… Yeah. That's it for this week. And even though it's the saddest so far. I can't wait to see what you have got."

"Mr. Blaine." Esme moaned slightly. "How many times do I need to tell you? I wasn't trying to commit suicide. It was an accident." Mr. Blaine smiled softly at her and leaned back against the piano. "Or are you just accidentally planning this week after what happened?"

"It gave me the idea." Mr. Blaine crossed his fingers to show that he promised. "But I do believe you Esme, if you say it was an accident then it was an accident. So, Daniel. I know you've got practice. But I want you to come home with me today. I need to talk to you about something and need to do it in private. So… glee club dismissed for today."

I just shrugged, grabbed my bag and threw it over one shoulder. I had everything I needed in it already and nothing I needed to leave in the locker so I just followed Mr. Blaine and waited while he grabbed his jacket and bag and sat silently in the passenger seat of his car on the way to his house. And by Mr. Blaine's own silence and the tensed look on his face and body language I was so nervous that several times I had to wipe the sweat of my palms on my jeans.

"Sit." We had barely got into the house after leaving our jackets in the hallway when Mr. Blaine to one of the living room sofas and sat down in the one on the opposite side while I dropped my bag by my feet. I… We thought we'd let you know. We didn't want you to find out through rumors or some other way but…" Mr. Blaine seemed nervous and still had that tensed and distressed look on his face that kind of scared me. "…Christie has… well, she doesn't really want to live anymore." I frowned, and lifted my head in a distressed move. "We thought we might want to let you know that. She's agreed to go on until her birthday- February the seventh. With dialysis and all of that. But if she doesn't get a new kidney before then… then."

"I know what that means…" I rubbed my forehead. "Do you want me to talk her into giving one of mine... Then…" Mr. Blaine shook his head. "She's so stubborn." I rubbed my forehead again. "Yeah…"

"I just need to check something in the kitchen." Mr. Blaine stood up and disappeared through the door. Carole's dog Alice came over to me. Laid her head onto my leg and whimpered. I scratched behind her ears but she continued whimpering as if she knew about the lump in my throat that I forced down before Mr. Blaine came back into the room.

"Carole's wondering if there's anything you don't eat? Something you're allergic to? And then she's telling you to stay for dinner."

"No, no and… I think I'd better head home."

Mr. Blaine raised an eyebrow- did I really think that Carole hadn't made up her mind before she asked? I sighed slightly- after finding out about Christie I mostly just wanted to get home. And get into my bed, pull the covers over my head. And then cry my eyes out, rather to Angelica's favorite song. Actually- I'd much rather go into her old room and do it. But the room had been standing untouched for almost eleven years. And dad would probably never forgive me when he found out I'd been in there without his permission.

"Fine. Do you maybe thing that I should go and talk to her for a minute?" Mr. Blaine nodded. "Okay then." I walked through the door into the kitchen where Carole stood chopping up something that I couldn't see. "Hey." I shoved my hands down my pockets and tried to come up with another lousy excuse. "I'm sorry for how I treated you at mine. I know you were trying to be nice but… Well, it seems I can't come up with an excuse bad enough so… I'm sorry."

"Oh honey" Carole smiled up at me and let go off the knife and the mushrooms. "It's okay. I know exactly what happened and there's nothing to be sorry for. Actually. I think we were trying to get a bit too much information a bit too soon. So, whenever you are ready. And if you are. Feel free to talk okay? I'm not going to make you. But I still care." I gave a forced smile and leaned back against the bench. "You'll still have to stay for dinner though. It's been years since Finn died but still I haven't learned not to buy double loads of everything." She gave a short laugh.

"Is there something I can help you with?"

Without another word Carole handed the mushroom and the knife to me. I took them and made sure not to cut myself while chopping them up- I had enough with Carole as it was and I didn't need anything more!

"Nah." After dinner I pulled my jacket and gloves on. "I'd rather walk. I need a while to think… You don't happen to have some reflexes though?" Carole just smiled and pulled out a neon yellow west from a drawer that she held up for me to pull on. "You are such a mum!" I didn't have the time to stop myself. But she just shook her head at my comment- she knew for sure!

"Bye then." I nodded goodbye without saying anything else. And as soon as I was outside I pushed down my gloves into the pocket while I pulled out my phone from the other one. Praying to God that dad wouldn't be busy this time around. I really needed him this time so I quickly dialed his number and put the phone to my ear. Surprised when dad answered already on the first signal.

"Vincent."

"Hey dad."

"Daniel? How fun! What's up?" I looked to the right and to the left and then crossed the road. I was wondering what to answer dad. I didn't really want to tell him all of this. But he was the person I thought could understand exactly how messed up I would be about it. Although, before I had figured out what to say next dad had figured out there was something wrong. Because his voice had gone all distressed when he spoke again.

"Dan? What's wrong?"

I sat down in the bus stop even though I knew the last bus to my block for today had left half an hour ago. And I tried to pull myself together while fighting not to cry so at least I would be able to keep on talking to dad.

"Dan? Are you still there?"

"Dad… There is a girl in glee club. Christie she… well, I just spoke to her aunt and. Well… it turns out. Christie have pretty much… decided to die. She's agreed to continue… well, doing the things that will keep her alive until her birthday next month but after that… She won't. And the risk is big that she won't get the… the help that she really needs. And…

"Yes?"

"She's dying of renal dad."

There was a bang in the phone and then a signal that would mean dad had either hung up on purpose or… well, since that bang. He had probably dropped the phone. And right away. I regretted telling dad anything at all. It would bother him at least as much as it bothered me and I didn't wish that for anyone.

I sighed. Dad had never really accepted the truth about that Angelica could possibly have made it through at least six months more with dialysis and medicines. But like Christie, she had just chosen to die. Or more likely, she had realized the battle she fought was too hard to get through and probably would never change.

If there had even been a kidney for Angelica. Or if there ever would be one for Chris. They could both have chosen life. But I had a pretty strong and bad feeling that it would probably end up with them both having chosen death.

And if I could have chosen death, for them to live… I would have chosen death any time.

**Jasper POV**

"Evie?" On the bus to school on Tuesday morning we sat in the front as usual and I spoke quietly so even if the other passengers weren't too close they wouldn't hear. "I need to ask you something." She nodded and laid her phone in her pocket with a slight smile on her lips. "You were writing with Ben right?" She smiled even bigger and nodded. I didn't want to wipe that smile off her face. But I wanted to know for this week's theme in the glee club. And I just over all wanted to know. "This week's theme in songs about suicide… And I was wondering you know… Did you ever… I mean… there's nothing wrong with if you did… I mean."

"Yes, there was a point where I saw suicide as the only way out of the depression."

"Oh…"

I didn't quite know what answer I had expected. I had known the answer could very much be the one I had gotten. Everyone would have thought so at some point but… Evie was my sister. And I just wanted to take away what was hurting her so badly!

"There is a song I like. The first verse is just madly alike with what happened that day." Evie didn't continue until we sat down by the lowest set of stairs where she would meet Ben. "I had two boxes of pills in my hand. I don't remember what kind. But something that would kill me fast. A bottle of water in the other and a letter lying on my bedside table. I had planned to turn my phone off but… I must have forgotten because… It called. For some reason I still put the pills down and you were in the other end asking if we should go just us two to the cabin and… You were so happy and… I couldn't destroy your happiness." Evie sighed and Ben joined us and wrapped his fingers around Evie's. "And even though things have gone very much up and down since then. I am very happy that turned out the way it did. But still… the way it all turned out is just so… scary much alike the first verse of the song." She fingered with her phone and then handed a lyric video with the song to me. "Just listen to the first verse." I nodded and put the headphones into my ears. Then let go of Ben and Evie standing so close to listen to it. And from what she had told me, it was scary much alike what had happened!

"Wow." When I had listened to the first verse I pulled the headphones out of my ears. "From what you've told me and what I remember… that is crazy." I handed the phone and headphones back to my sister. "Are you alright?" She was standing with her head leaned against Ben's chest and his arm around his shoulders.

"Yeah… Just a bit tired." I frowned slightly, usually 'just a bit tired' meant something more. "Don't worry Jazz. It's nothing bad. Just a bit tired and a terrible hair day." She pulled her hair back but it fell right back into her eyes. "Told you so." I smiled, grabbed my guitar and pulled up my phone. But two steps up I heard her talking to Ben and pretended to still be moving up the stairs while listening.

"I've got a headache… I think I just need to lie down for a minute before class starts." I turned around to her and looked down on the scared look in Ben's eyes. "Jazz… Do you know somewhere? I'd appreciate if not everyone comes running every other second. I thought for a second and then nodded and turned. And while I had to concentrate on not walking faster than what Evie could take while she supported on Ben up the stairs, through the hallway, into the library and then into Blaine's office where I walked in first.

"Mr. Birch… oh you brought your guitar today. That's awesome I can't wait…"

"Mr. Blaine." I interrupted while Evie and Ben were slowly making their way into the office. "The couch there…" I gestured to it. "My sister has a headache and she needed to lie down I was wondering…" I didn't get the time to finish before Mr. Blaine had stood up and lifted his bag from the couch.

It wasn't big enough for Evie to lie all on it. But with Ben on one half and her feet still towards the floor she could lie down and put her head in her boyfriend's lap. She closed her eyes and Ben looked down and played with a tress of her hair. I could see he was worried. I was too but the last few months, I had seen him comfort her better than what anybody else ever could so I decided that it would probably be the best to leave them two alone and pulled Mr. Blaine with me out of the office, waited for him to lock the door so no one would storm in and turned to me.

"I'm sorry I just pulled you out of your own office like that." I said truthfully. "I was just… Caring for my sister." Mr. Blaine smiled slightly and nodded. "So you're not angry?" He shook his head. "Well, see you at glee club later then."

"I can see you've brought your guitar."

I raised my hand a little. Like Mr. Blaine had just said I had brought my own guitar. Even though I hadn't been able to find a song before I came here I had already in the morning been determined to find one before glee club. And actually, now when I had found one. I spent most of the breaks of the day in the choir room or the auditorium memorizing the lyrics and chords until it was there, and in the afternoon I could say that I had learnt the part I needed to. Feeling especially happy since I had met Evie in the hallway after the first class and she had told me she had gotten a short nap, and now felt a lot better.

"So, soldiers." Mr. Blaine greeted us as usual coming into the choir room. "Have you got anything for us today? Martina reached up her hand very fast so we'll let her go first. Okay? Great." I had a feeling Mr. Blaine was in a rush or something because he seemed weirdly nervous and stressed and talked almost too fast to hear what he was saying. And also seemed relieved when he could slump down into one of the chairs and check out what Martina had planned for today.

"The thing with…" Martina seemed unsure about what words to choose. "…Mental unhealth. Of any kind but I think mostly about suicide is that it's all you know- shush shush! And… I guess. That this song could tell it all. I mean, in the papers we have pages upon pages with sports news. While, you barely see anything about these things so…" Martina sighed to Mr. Dom who started playing.

Already by the first few lines I had chills. And a lump in my throat. And realized that this was probably the saddest song I had ever heard. The song seemed just… well. Martina! And just went perfect with her voice and everything. Only that was kind of hard to put any concentration on when the lyrics were sending shivers through my spine and tears from my eyes.

I didn't really get the chance to look around. But the sound of Martina's voice and Mr. Dom's acoustic guitar was mixed with sniveling. So obviously I wasn't the only one crying by these lyrics. And actually, I think it was a good thing when the song finally ended so that I and everybody else could finally catch for breath.

"Wow." I realized that even Mr. Blaine had been touched when only on that short word you could hear the shakiness in his voice right before some trembling clapping of hands were heard. "That was amazing but… Well, have anyone else got songs? Dakota? Jasper? Who wants to go first? Or are you going together?"

"Dakota can go first."

"I think you should go first Jazz." Martina said before anyone would have had the time to stand up. "Every single time there is a discussion about who should go first you seem to be a part of it and you always say that the other one can go first. And besides. You look like you have something to tell." She gestured towards the open floor and Dakota gestured to me so I gave in, grabbed my guitar and quickly tuned a couple of strings on the few steps towards the piano where I crawled up.

"As some of you may know my older sister is Evie Birch who's in her senior year at this school. And as some of you may know she is depressed and have been so, for a few years. There's not really a need for any further explanation. And today riding to school, I asked her… since I know that well. Depression is a thing that leads people to… that. So I… I asked her if she has ever been at that point and…" I sighed- don't start crying now Jasper Finley Birch! "…And. She told me yes."

The room had gone awfully silent while I wiped my hand against my jeans and took another deep, shaky breath before I finished.

"And we used to have this cabin right by the lake. And she told me that it was when I called to tell that mum and dad were asking us two if we wanted to go there alone that interrupted her try before she had done it and… she didn't. And then she told me about this song that I looked up and the first verse just seemed to fit. So…" I took a few chords on the guitar and started the song. Quite nervously and shaky as first, then steadier and steadier as the words went by.

It was almost crazy how much the lyrics fit what had actually happened. And the knowledge about that sent so bad shivers through my spine and body it got almost hard to keep on playing and hitting the right notes. And therefore I was somewhat relieved when I reached the line 'I'm glad you called' and could stop playing.

"Isn't there more parts of the song. Like that abortion verse?" I nodded to Martina's question. "Why don't you play that too?"

"Yeah, why don't you do that too?"

"It hasn't really got anything to do with suicide." I stated, even though I knew that I could still have done it.

"Who cares`"

"Yeah who cares?"

"Play it anyway."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I mean I don't know the rest of the song." I was starting to get really annoyed with the others' nagging. "I only checked up the first verse to do it because… well the reason doesn't really matter but… Keagan what are you doing?" Keagan had stood up and borrowed my guitar. Without another word he started playing and right away I recognized the second verse of the song I had chosen.

As Keagan sung and the lyrics went on I got back on track and remembered the lyrics. Started singing along towards the end of the verse. And went along to sing every second line in the last part. Ending with high- fiving him before he handed the guitar back and the others clapped their hands at us.

"And that part wasn't planned or rehearsed?" Mr. Blaine asked and we both shook our heads. "Wow, you guys are just amazing." He continued with clapping his hands until one after one they stopped. "Anyway," I and Keagan went back to sit and I decided that I would have to do Keagan a favor at some point. Even though I didn't know what yet. "Dakota. Your turn."

Dakota walked down onto the floor and started. His song also told a really sad story. The beat in this one wasn't as touching as the one Martina had done. But by the end of the song I think everyone were more or less down. But at the same time sort of hopeful. And I was kind of happy that I had never felt anything like the so very much broken boy the song was about. And as long as I had Evie, mum and dad. I probably never would.

"I didn't know you could rap!" Mr. Blaine stated- and I guessed that none of us had really known. Dakota just shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"I couldn't. But I kind of wanted to try something new. And it didn't sound too bad did it?"

"Absolutely not. But have anyone else got a number? Or can we go now?" Not until now I noticed that while Blaine seemed tense he also seemed to be having trouble staying upright. "Go now? Fine, I'm going home. And I'm'a have a date with my pillow." With heavy moves he grabbed his bag and threw it over one shoulder. And then walked towards the door and out of my sight.

I guess I was only trying to think as little as possible. The theme of the glee club was kind of bringing us all, including me down and I didn't want to start crying on the bus among all people. So as soon as I got home I walked straight upstairs to my room and lied down on my pack with my hands under my neck. But as of then- I didn't feel like crying anymore.

I remembered the day that I had called my sister up to hear if she wanted to come with me to the lake clearly. At first, I hadn't really wanted to go there. I wanted to go home because some friend of mine was having a birthday party that I was invited to on Sunday afternoon. Then mum and dad kept on talking about how much cooler than a birthday party it was to stay at the cabin only my sister and I. And then they had promised that if I did well and didn't call them in the middle of the night, there was only a half an hour drive to the cabin. So they could come and get us so early I would have time to go to Pete's birthday party as well.

At last, I had chosen to at least call up my sister with dad's phone to hear what she thought. And when I had called. There was just something broken in her voice that I hadn't been able to place until today when she had told me what she had planned to do that day. And thanks to my call, I still had my sister somewhat healthy and alive to this date.

As of a miracle, my sister had gotten a second chance to choose life over death over getting some alone time with me. Before that weekend when we mostly read and sang or laid on the ground looking up at the stars. And somewhere in all of that my sister had chosen to keep on living. And keep on fighting.

But with finally choosing to see the truth. I knew exactly how close it had been that day. And faced that if I had only called just a minute later she had had the time to choose death. And even if that. I had to face the truth that mum and dad had problems, and that they had sold the cabin that we all loved to be in because they needed the money to pay for depts.

I had to choose the truth though. And realize that even if we weren't perfect. We were alive and somewhat healthy. And the truth of the very most- I had the best family in the world!

**Keagan POV **

At Thursday's rehearsal I hadn't planned a song to do and didn't really know if I wanted to think about one either. I had helped Jasper and honestly I was pretty happy with that. And I certainly wasn't complaining and even less when I saw Bradon had brought a friend of his brother's. Malora Stone. She looked kind of miserable, and I couldn't blame her knowing what had happened to her last year.

"Mr. Blaine." Bradon and Malora were the last ones to come into the room and Mr. Blaine looked up from some papers he had laid on the piano when Bradon called out for his hand. "We know Malora isn't in the glee club. But she wanted to do a song. And she knows this… suicide- part very well so… Can she?"

"Yes of course." Mr. Blaine smiled at her and hit his arms out. "The more the merrier. Why don't you start of this rehearsal?" Malora nodded silently and held up some sheet music. "Do you want Kayla to play?" Malora held up her hands that were shaking too much to be able to play an instrument. "Oh sweetheart." Mr. Blaine patted her back while Kayla took the sheet music and sat down by the piano. "Take your time." He went to sit down and Bradon kept his arm around Malora's shoulders all the while through her explaining what was going on to the song.

"Some of you…" Malora started talking in a shaking and broken voice. "Some of you might have known my twin sister Miranda…" She took a deep breath, I had known Miranda. And yes, it was very sad. "…Miranda she… a year ago today she… decided to choose death and cut her wrists and committed suicide." I heard a gasp from Jasper's side of the audience. "… And… I wanted to do this for her." She looked back at Kayla and nodded for her to start. And then started singing- beautifully, but still shakily and broken.

Already by the end of the first verse I swore there wasn't a dry eye in the whole room. And if there was then, then it certainly wasn't by the end of the song when Malora's voice was breaking on the few last tones and then she buried her face in her hands and completely broke down. No one said anything, but Bradon rubbed her back tenderly.

The first one to do anything else was Mady who got onto her feet. She was a good bit shorter than the older girl but could still throw her arms around Malora's waist and Malora made a failed attempt to smile down at her. It ended up more of a half- hearted grimace. But in her eyes I could see that Mady's non- hesitant hug had healed something. Just something.

"Thank you Mady." Malora stroke her hair. "Your hugs makes everything feel a lot better." Mady let go of Malora again and ran back to the chair next to her brother's. "I guess… what I mostly wanted to say is… if you actually do get so far you commit suicide. You know, you feel like nobody cares. But actually they really do care. So, if you do then… you're going to destroy them in a way… you wouldn't even believe. And… life is life and… even if you can't see it there is so much left and so much left to do and so much left to feel. Both bad and good things. Most of them are good. So, you just need to go on. Just one more minute. Just one more day. And believe that today too shall pass and sometime turn into a better tomorrow."

"Actually." Sharon started. "If I can interrupt." Malora nodded and went to sit down along with Bradon right next to me. "I know a song and… I just… I think it could suit what Malora just said." Mr. Blaine nodded and smiled through the tears of Malora's performance. Sharon went down to sit by the piano and while Kayla went to sit next to her brothers in the chairs. Someone started talking to me.

"Can I come with you to the stables today and learn to ride on Alma?" Mady looked up at me with her best puppy eyes and laid her head to the side. "Pretty please? You said I could come with you some day after the Christmas holidays. Please can we do it today? Pretty, pretty." She pouted and blinked with her big eyes when I sighed- how was I supposed to not give in to that?

"Well…" I glanced up at Benjamin who just shrugged. "You can too come with me if you really, really want to. And I think Alma would love that." The big smile on Mady's lips was undeniable. She hugged me with one arm and right away I really felt that I had spoken the truth. Alma was going to love it, heck. She loved children. But yet, another part of the truth was that I had a weird feeling in my stomach that something was very, very wrong.

I stopped wondering when Sharon started playing. And as soon as she started singing I realized Sharon actually was right in that it suited what Malora had said just perfectly. And it was a really sad song. But only, it was weirdly hopeful. In more than just the lyrics went and I couldn't quite place. Even though I, like everybody else in the room was almost troll bound by her performance and the room was dead silent except for Sharon's piano playing and voice.

"Wow. That was really good." Mr. Blaine clapped his hands along with us others and wiped the tears. "Really beautiful. But I think we have to end it there because if we go on we're all going to cry until we've all died of dehydration." He gave a short, forced laugh. "And Malora. Thank you for your time and yours too was really beautiful. And if you need someone to talk to … Oh wait… your parents work in this school too." Malora nodded. "Well… If you need someone to talk to aside from your parents then you know where I am. Glee club dismissed for today." I grabbed my bag and waited for Benjamin and Mady to get done.

"I gotta get to work." Benjamin told me. "But when you get back from the stables you could just leave Mady there along the way." I hesitated. I could also let Mady stay at mine- we would find something to do and Mady and I were so much best friends. But I didn't have more time to wonder about it before Mady had gotten her beanie and scarf on and we all walked out of the school and towards the stables.

The feeling that something would go wrong while I, Benjamin and Mady walked towards the stable wouldn't leave me despite how happily Mady was talking about how happy she was that she was finally getting to try horse riding. But another thing I couldn't help was that the snow melting had caused the roads to be muddy, icy, and all too slippery. But I wasn't too bothered by it. Until I had reached the paddock.

"No." I whispered, quickly hooked off the fence so I could get through and hung it back before I ran over to Alma's body. "No, Alma. Don't be dead. Don't be dead." Alma snorted slightly and lifted her head. So at least she wasn't dead. But she didn't try and stand up and that's when I saw that one of her front legs laid in a weird position- God no!

"It's okay Girl." I let my hand run down her soft, brown fur towards the knee. And then slightly under. "It's okay, it's okay." She flinched when I touched the leg where it was broken. "It's okay. BENJAMIN. RUN TO THE HOUSE AND ASK THEM TO CALL THE VET NOW. MADY. GET ONE OF THE SPONGES YOU GOT ME FOR CHRISTMAS AND ASK SOMEONE TO CARRY A BUCKET OF WARM WATER HERE WHILE YOU TAKE THE SPONGES." The Heedie's didn't move. "NOW." I turned back to Alma's limp body. "It's okay girl. The vet will fix you up."

I had barely noticed it. But I was crying, I already knew that this wouldn't turn out right. I already knew that it was only possible for this to end. And that it would make my absolute worst nightmare come true. I already knew. But I pushed the thoughts away, and forced myself to believe in the impossible. Chose to believe in life, over death and truth. Just one more second…

"I'm sorry Keagan." When Dr. Jolie had looked over Alma's leg for only a minute or so she looked up at me with a look in her eyes that made all my hope fade. "There's nothing I can do. For every second we hold on it will only make her suffer. The leg is broken. And she's old. I'm so, so sorry." I cried even harder, refused to listen to her and continued wiping over Alma's side with the warm, soapy sponge. "Keagan, can you hear me?" Dr. Jolie put a hand on my shoulder but I shook it off.

"NO." I came back to my senses and shouted. "NO THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING! YOU SAVE HER NOW YOU'VE GOT TO SAVE HER. SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND. YOU CANNOT JUST LET YOUR BEST FRIEND DIE." I broke down again and wiped the horse- shaped sponge over Alma's side again and despite her pain she snorted in well- being. "It's okay honey. It's okay girl. The doctor will make you feel better."

"Keagan there's nothing I can do. I can give her some painkillers but it'll only be for a short little while." I continued sobbing. "Keagan, look at me." I slowly turned my head and looked into Dr. Jolie's eyes. "I know Alma's your best friend and have been there for you more than anyone else. And I know it's hard to take in but after everything it wouldn't be fair to let her suffer. And this isn't a damage that I can fix and certainly not on a horse this old. I really think it's time to let her go." If anyone else would have told me this, I would have been out of my mind with fear, devastation and blame. But now I could do nothing else than sob and quickly bob my head up and down.

"Okay, but do it now." I could almost hear Dr. Jolie nodding and she dug in her bag. While I continued wiping over Alma's side. "It's okay. Dr. Jolie will take your pain away." I sniveled. "I love you and you've been so, very brave. I could never have asked for a better friend." I sniveled again and Alma bobbed her head up a little when the needle was put into her. I put my head down my pocket, Alma's favorite treat- bits of sugar wasn't something I usually would give. But always carried around for some reason and now I took as many as I could without dropping them and held it towards Alma's muffle. She barely had the time to eat them all, then blew her warm breath towards my hand one last time. Before she laid her head down on the ground and closed her beautiful, brown eyes never to open them again.

I broke down sobbing. There were more people doing so but while I could hear them, it seemed like the whole world had gone silent and still. I could hear Tanisha's crying and Mr. Morgan trying to calm her down. I could hear Benjamin say some whatever to Mady and them walking away. I could hear Mrs. Jolie packing her things up and leaving. And Mrs. Morgan pull up her phone to call my dad. But still it was like I couldn't hear anything of it.

I had dropped the sponge to the muddy ground. The thought hit me that Alma must have slipped on the wet and icy ground. But it didn't really matter now as I pulled an arm around my forever sleeping, best friend's neck. Buried my face in her still warm fur and completely broke down.

I barely even noticed it when dad's car came spurting up the hill to the stables and him getting out and came running over to me. Barely even noticed when he spoke a few words to Mrs. Morgan to briefly know what had happened. And barely even noticed his footsteps when he hurried over to me until he had laid his hands on my shoulders.

"Keags… There's nothing you can do. It's over. Come on." He put a slight pressure towards his hands and therefore on my shoulders. "Let's go home yeah?"

"NO." I shouted when dad tried to pull me back and threw myself back towards Alma's neck. "NO. NO." I grabbed so tight in Alma's mane my knuckles had whitened towards the black straws. "NO. IT'S NOT OVER. IT'S NOT OVER." Crying, I threw myself back towards Alma's neck one more time and dad let go. "IT'S NOT OVER."

I couldn't believe, that after all of this years of our lives together. I had chosen death, the fast ad simple way over something that could have cured her. Not certainly but we should have given it a try. I should have fought for her just like she had fought for me. And I shouldn't have chosen the truth if the truth was to kill her just like that.

Because in my miserable, heartbroken state. Then there was no way that the truth could be that death was the best choice to make.

**Esme POV **

"Esme?"

"No"

"Esme please?"

"No?"

"Please just listen to me?"

"No?"

I was hurrying through the hallway on Friday afternoon. And during the days he had barely looked to me Hayley seemed to be determined to have me at least talk to him. Even though I promptly refused. And continued doing so for every time he asked me to let him explain why he had kissed my twin sister.

"Esme." I heard a very well-known voice from the other direction and Katrina came up. "You need to listen to him. And if you can't listen to him. Listen to me."

"If there is anyone I shouldn't listen to…"

"Shut up! Let me explain. Come on Es, I'm your sister and… it's my freaking birthday too so that could be your present to me. Just to let me explain." I just glared at her. Out of what reason would I ever want to talk to her again? "Es. I'm your sister. I might hate the fact that everyone constantly compares us to each other. And whatever trouble you get into I get into too and the other way around but… I would never ever let anyone hurt you."

"But you obviously could!"

"That's what sisters do best."

"So just because we are sisters you think that when after many ifs and but's I have been on a date with a boy that I really liked…" For the moment I chose not to give a damn about the fact that that boy could hear every word. "…And it had gone well, you think that you could just kiss him like that. Was it to hurt me or did Hayley use me to get to you or…"

"ESME ANDREA MONTAGUE. NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME!"

Katrina's shout was probably heard all over the school and people turned in the hallway to see where the shout had come from. Without further notice I looked around, realized we were right outside the choir room and I grabbed Katrina's shirt with one of my hands and Hayley just followed. And despite that I hadn't five minutes ago- now I just wanted the explanation.

"I never kissed Hayley. He came to me for teaching him how to kiss. He has been helping me with some homework so he… well… that's another story. And he didn't want to go to you and don't know how to kiss because he was too embarrassed. I was never going to kiss him. Just getting really close to show him. And that's where you came in."

"Is that…" I looked from Katrina to Hayley, back to Katrina and then back to Hayley again. "Is that true?" I looked around and tried to find something else to talk about so I wouldn't have to take this now. "We've got another glee club rehearsal in the auditorium in a minute I gotta go."

"Can I come?"

I sighed, but still knew that wasn't on me to decide. Hayley could come with me all he wanted without permission. I still wasn't too sure what to believe. But maybe it was my intention as a twin, or maybe it was the look in Hayley's eyes that gave me the feeling that what they had actually told me was true. And upon it all made me want to choose that it was.

"Fine."

I tried to shake the weird feeling off and walked before Hayley towards the auditorium where I got down onto the stage and he sat down in the chairs pretty close. I was looking up at him standing and trying not to listen to the others' small talk. Which wasn't so hard when I looked up at Hayley because honestly, looking at him made my heart beat so hard I would be lucky if I could hear Mr. Blaine's voice when the rehearsal started for real.

"Soldiers!"

Okay I did hear Mr. Blaine's voice!

"Despite the fact that it's got to do with the other songs that we have done this week. I guess… the song is just so special it's almost so you could just laugh at it. I've noted the parts which person does. But most of the parts have got at least two singers. It just wouldn't do right without it. And then. When this song is done. Esme wanted to have a solo. And then we can do weekend." Mr. Blaine smiled and handed out the papers. "So, from the top everybody."

Mr. Blaine started clapping is hands into a rhythm and honestly I couldn't get how such an upbeat song could suit this week's theme. But during the intro I quickly eyed through the lyrics. And I couldn't help but to agree with what Mr. Blaine had said earlier. This everything, kind of made you just want to laugh about the whole thing.

Actually, there were several people actually doing just that. I wasn't so sure why, but despite the serious thing the song was about it had kind of a ludicrous way to it. Or maybe after all the sad stories and ballad songs this week. Everyone just broke down from too many bottled up feelings. And I could even see Hayley's smile where he sat- not so sure if it was because of the song or because of me. Probably a bit of both.

"Wow guys." As soon as the song was finished Mr. Blaine clapped his hands a few times and then broke down. "Does laughing about this song feel weird to you too?" There were spread yes's and nods on the stage. "Oh well, nothing bad that doesn't bring anything good with it- take that wrong in the right way. Well… Esme, your turn." I nodded. And while I pulled up the sheet music for the song and I walked back towards the microphone where I started with just talking.

"I'm not sure. But I think that one of the main reasons of why people do choose… death and commits suicide might be that… you want something to make it all better. And when nothing comes fast enough they… just feel like giving up… I might be wrong but… I figured that might be one of the reasons of why someone would… well, choose death. But… in fact… what is it they say? Not every day is a good one but there's something good in every day… And… Actually," I looked towards Hayley and smiled. "When you're in love you don't need anything special… every day just seem like the miracle it actually is. And everything's pink and fluffy and there is beautiful violin music all over the place and yeah you get the picture."

"Ugh, get to the freaking point."

"And that's…" I was in such a good mood right today that I just shrugged it off knowing that Christie wanted to go home to get to be home for a while before she had to go to the hospital for dialysis and continued. "This song is about that… you don't need anything really. Just… look around and… even though it might be hard you'll see today as the miracle it really is." I gestured towards Kayla and she placed her fingers on the piano keys while I breathed in the few seconds before I started singing.

After choosing the truth that I was already, and had probably been for a long time madly in love with the curly haired boy in the audience. I wished that I could have just chosen to believe in the truth or the lie that he and Katrina had told me.

But there was something in the look in Hayley's eyes. And something in the song…

Damn it! I could either choose life. Or just choose to put the grudge away and do what I wanted. If it went straight hellwards then it would. But at least I would have given it a chance and suddenly I couldn't wait for the song to be over. And as soon as the last word had rung out I hurried down from the stage and towards Hayley.

"Esme I…"

When I was really close to him he stood up. Seeming kind of nervous and scared. But I didn't give him the chance to say anything before I took his head in between my hands and kissed him. Hard, and right on the lips. I heard the others' cheering but it all seemed so far away so I didn't mind caring about it.

I cared more when I broke loose and studied Hayley's expression. His chin dropped and his eyes grew wide. Then he just moved slowly closer to me and just wrapped his arms around me, with his chin still dropped and his eyes still open wide he just hugged me and well… I just hugged him back. And I just couldn't stop smiling.

I guess that what had happened last week could have ended in a whole lot worse way. But I guessed it just wasn't my time to go yet. And while I hadn't actually chosen life, I guess life had just simply chosen me. To stay for another bit. Because there must be something left for me to do and I was happier than ever. Screw what people said about if it was real or not- right here, right now. I chose the truth- and the truth was that I had never felt so to peace with myself as I was right now.

And I guess that I had just simply chosen life, and that nothing could ever have me not do whatever I wanted again.

**Dakota POV **

At night between Sunday and Monday I sneaked into Christian's room. At Saturday we had been given the chore to clean out the attic. And during the Sunday, I had found a scrapbook. 'we miss you mum' it had read on the front. But I hadn't had the time to even open it before Christian ripped it out of my hands and hid it from me.

Although, with Christian it wasn't too hard to guess where it was and I tip- toed over the floor and laid down next to his bed. I dug with one hand under his bed and found pretty much anything and everything. Magazines mostly, a pair of old sneakers. An old copy of some English- class book and a cage that had one time belonged to a pet rat. Then at last, almost under the head of the bed I found what I was looking for. And I crawled back onto my feet, then tip- toed back out of the room and closed the door while Christian started snoring.

My room was only across the hall from Christian's. So it didn't take me two seconds before I was back in my bed. Turned my flashlight on and with the covers pulled over my head I looked down on the scrapbook.

My heart was beating so hard I could feel blood streaming in my ears when I looked down on the brown covers that read 'We love you mum' with loads of stickers of flowers and hearts. It made it look like mum had been very loved by all of her sons. Even if I couldn't quite understand why before I turned to the first page.

The first thing that came across was a picture with sticker text around it reading 'we miss and love you mum. Gloria Symoné 1980-2002' along with more stickers of flowers, angels and stars. And a photo of a woman, tiredly but smiling looking into the picture with dad, looking younger than what I could remember him. And around them my brothers. With the youngest in her arms.

"Luis, Diego, Christian, Javier…" I pointed from the oldest to the youngest of the boys. But my brothers were only four and with the baby there were five. I counted again. "Luis, Diego, Christian, Javier…" As my breathing sped up and my hands started shaking I counted it yet a third time. "Luis, Diego, Christian, Javier…" I looked over the baby- it had a tube in its known and a thatch of dark hair.

I had seen very few pictures of myself as a newborn. But I knew that the tube that the baby on the picture had was of the exact same kind that I had had. And I had had exactly that dark thatch of hair. And suddenly, it all seemed clear to me. Even if I wasn't quite ready to face it just yet. And with a shakier and more sped up voice I counted again.

"Luis, Diego, Christian, Javier…" I let my finger run to the baby in his mother's arms and whispered the last name under my breath. "Dakota."

I started riffling through the book and came across one picture of my brothers with the woman- obviously mum in each and every one of them. Even a picture with what looked like newborn me in her arms without the others around. And in this photo you could clearly see how tired she was. She looked like she could drop the baby at any second and further down on the hospital blanket she had spread over her legs and abdomen laid a vomit bag. But she would be tired right? She had just given birth so then she'd have to be very tired… right?

When I was at the second last photo, mum was pregnant and laughing sitting up in hers and dad's bed. Dad had his arm around her shoulders and my brothers were all lying with each ear towards mum's big belly. While mum was laughing and dad whispering something in his ear and smiling. One picture say more than a thousand words… And this picture spoke a million words of love.

With tears running down my cheeks and shaky breath I turned the last page. I could barely breathe but as soon as I saw the last picture I drew loudly for my breath. It was shot in the front of a church. And dad and all of my brothers stood with hanging their heads around a white coffin. Dad held that baby in a carrier towards his chest. And he looked like he was about to have a complete breakdown. And in the photo only I could see something in his eyes. Something that had been there all since I was little that I hadn't quite been able to place. But certainly weren't in the earlier photos that he had been in.

"Gloria Symoné Lopez" I read out loud, but under my breath. "1980, 06, 14-2002, 12, 24" I breathed in loudly again. And without another second going to waste I grabbed the book, got onto my feet. Ran out into the hallway, threw the book onto the table and into the hallway where I hit one side of the wall with all of my paper as I walked.

"WAKE UP." I shouted through the tears, on the top of my lungs. "WAKE UP. WAKE UP." I could spot the lights in each room being turned on and several sounds of bare feet running towards the hallway. "WAKE UP. WAKE UP." At last, when dad came into the hallway last of them all I grabbed his arm. Probably hard enough to give him bruises and pulled him with me into the kitchen. "EXPLAIN THIS. EXPLAIN WHY YOU HAVE BEEN LYING TO ME. EXPLAIN WHY MUM IS DEAD."

"Dakota…" Dad held up his hand and didn't seem so sure what to do. "Can't we take this in the morning?"

"NO." I continued shouting. "YOU KEPT THIS FROM ME FOR FIFTEEN YEARS AND I WANT AN EXPLENATION NOW. I WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU MADE ME HATE HER. WHEN SHE'S DEAD: WHY DID YOU KEEP IT FROM ME THAT MY OWN MOTHER IS DEAD? I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HER NAME UNTIL NOW. WHY DAD? WHY LUIS? WHY DIEGO? WHY CHRISTIAN? WHY JAVIER?

"Please, don't shout like that. Kota, what you need to understand here is…" I could hear what dad was saying and knew that he was trying to stay calm. While there was a shiver in his voice I didn't quite recognize. "…We wanted to protect you."

"PROTECT ME FROM WHAT?" The room went silent, and I looked around the room. By now, everyone were in the room, but more quiet than I had ever seen or heard before. "Wait… what did she die from?"

"She died of something called…" Dad swallowed. "..Pre-eclampsia… Diego, you can explain it better than me." Diego stepped forward, but I took another step back. "Kota please, just listen to us." Dad sighed, and for one split second I realized how miserable he looked in his pyjamas, with hair standing in absolute every possible direction and that heartbroken look on his face

"Pre- eclampsia…" Diego sighed. "…Is high blood pressure that occurs during pregnancy." Everything went black for a second. I could see Diego's lips moving but not hear a sound of what he was saying. And the whole world seemed to have gone all quiet for several seconds before I heard the last piece of what Diego told me. "...She died when you were just a few hours old."

"NO." My own shout was the most heartbroken I had ever heard. But I couldn't believe it was me. And didn't even know I shot forward and hit every part of Diego's body that I could possibly reach. "NO PLEASE TELL ME IT'S NOT MY FAULT. NO PLEASE, PLEASE TELL ME IT'S NOT MY FAULT." My legs wouldn't hold me up and I collapsed towards the wooden floor. "Please tell me it's not my fault." That last part was nothing more than a whimper.

"Dakota…" Dad's voice was shivering more than ever before. "…We wanted you to be old enough to understand. We wanted to wait until you were ready."

"HOW COULD I EVER BE READY FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS?" I regained control of my lips and mostly flew back onto my feet. "YOU LIED TO ME. YOU LIED TO ME." Without another word I sprinted into the hallway and pulled onto the first pair of my own sneakers that I could find. "AND I'M NOT EVER SPEAKING TO ANY OF YOU EVER AGAIN." With that I unlocked the door, threw it closed after me and ran into the cold and wet night.

I just kept on running, refusing to stop for a single second. Slipped on the spots that were still icy. Got up again and continued running. At last, after what felt like hours I could see William McKinley high school at the end of the road and I ran up to the main entrance. Only to find the doors locked. And soaking wet and out of my mind of exhaustion. I sunk back onto the porch steps under the roof. I wanted to check the clock but in my rush to get out and away. I hadn't brought my phone or a watch.

I wasn't stupid enough to fall asleep like that. Anyone could be moving around Lima's block at this time of day. And on the other hand thoughts were spinning in my head way too fast for me to relax. I couldn't believe it! I couldn't believe they had chosen lying over the truth. And I couldn't believe they had all chosen to tell me it was alive. When everybody knew that she was dead, everybody knew the truth was death. But still they had kept it away from me like that. I couldn't believe they had chosen for me not to know.

I couldn't believe I had to find out on my own what had really happened to my mum. But if that was the way they wanted it…

As of tonight, they were all dead to me.

**Playlist**

Martina- How do you get that lonely?- Blaine Larsen  
Jasper/ Keagan- The call- Matt Kennon  
Dakota- Steven- Jake Miller  
Malora- Why?- Rascal Flats  
Sharon- It can only get better- Amy Diamond  
Group- Don't try suicide- Queen  
Esme- Ordinary miracle- Sarah McLachlan

**Alejandro- Dakota's dad is portrayed by Adam Rodriguez, and Luis by Ramón Rodriguez. Then Diego by Carlos PenaVega, Christian by Jake T. Austin and Javier by Avan Jogia. They're all made by Babygleefan11. Mady is portrayed by Sarah Grace Morris. Dr. Jolie (Belle's mum yes) is portrayed by Kerry Washington and made by Gleekfreak908. The Morgan's are portrayed by Isaiah Washington, Thandie Newton and Skai Jackson. And Mr. Spencer (Keagan's dad) is portrayed by David Boreanaz and made by LocalXmusicXjellybeanX. Malora is portrayed by Bella Thorne and so is her twin sister Miranda. Malora is made by LocalXmusicXjellybeanX and Miranda by Iloveheartlandx. Jake is portrayed by Davis Cleveland and made by x snow- pony x. And Stephen Vincent by Stephen Root, while Angelica by (younger) Georgie Henley. Mr. Dom is portrayed by Shawn Ashmore and written by LocalXmusicXjellybeanX and Kayla by Kira Kosarin and made by GleeJunkie007. Evie is portrayed by Charlotte Salt, and Mr. And Mrs. Birch by Alex Kingston and Alex Walkinshaw and made by x snow- pony x. Hayley is portrayed by Tom Holland. And Katrina by Phoebe Tonkin and made by Lorelai Sofia Petrova. **

**And as well, to do a week about suicide awareness was not in any way to dishonor anybody. But it's just like Blaine says. We need to talk about it because. We don't talk about mental unhealth. But we need to if we want to prevent it from happening. So… yeah that is kind of it. **

**If anyone wonders, yes. Pre-eclampsia is real, very real. And yes, it's very possible for both the mum and child to die from it. But that part wasn't in any way to dishonor anyone who it did ever happen to. **

**I'm not sure if unhealth is a word. But, it is in Swedish and it does make sense so I decided to keep it. Please no hate. **

**Random fact **

Actually, when I first had the idea to this chapter I was wanting back and forth wondering if I should really do it. As I thought some people might not like it. But at last I decided on doing it, and I'm quite happy with the outcome. And now just hoping that everybody feels the same as me.


	31. Something felt wrong

**Polyvore  
-Added to the collection- Alexey Nicholson (Lex is in several of my stories in different universes. I just love the character so much) **

**Mady's teddy bear have changed name from Annie to Charlie Brown.**

**Dakota POV**

_Good morning soldiers. Ready for a new week? Good. _

_You might not even be able to imagine it. But I've been young and in high school. And being about your age I can remember there were constant things and fights with my parents and my brother. All in all, in my family there was love and fights and hatred and movie nights all around. I've been thinking about doing this theme for a while, and since I couldn't come up with anything else for this week. I decided to make this week family week. _

_Whether you want to do a song to just express how annoying they are when you fight, how much you love them, how you are allowed to fight them since you're family but if anyone else does I they're dead or… just sing a song about how much you love one of your family members. It doesn't really matter. Just, bring it all on and as usual I can't wait to see what you've all got. _

_See you tomorrow in glee club _

_Mr. Blaine _

"Why did you ask us to come?"

I had moved into the choir room from the porch as soon as the doors were unlocked in the window, and for some reason I didn't even know myself I had texted Benjamin and Mr. Blaine to come. I just needed to get things out of my head. I just needed to tell someone about it that would be on my side. But when they came I didn't want to be a burden and didn't know what to say.

"Is it just me Kota?" Benjamin asked when they came over and sat down next to me. "Or are you wearing pyjamas, jacket and shoes?" I looked down. My T shirt and sweatpants could last me for the day. But I was wearing exactly what Benjamin had stated. "And you're freezing." For a moment, Benjamin felt my hand… and I still didn't know what to say.

"Dakota?" Mr. Blaine sounded distressed. "Is everything alright?"

"I… I…"

Suddenly all of the words were just spurting out of me. Benjamin and Mr. Blaine frowned where they sat and I tried to keep my voice from breaking. I hadn't actually planned to tell them everything, the explanation I had been told to why mum would have left. How I had found the scrapbook, how I had forced them to tell me the truth and how mum had died of something because of the fact that she had been pregnant with me as the baby and how I had ran away.

"Oh… Dakota…" When I had finished none of them seemed sure of what to say. But Mr. Blaine was the only one who said anything. "First… I am so, so sorry… Second, I presume you're still on the run?" I nodded. "Do you have anywhere to go after school and at night?" I shrugged and looked to Benjamin- maybe I could stay at his.

"I'm sorry Kota. There's no room and I don't think it would be good…"

"Then…" Mr. Blaine patted my shoulder. "You'll stay at mine." I opened my mouth to protest. "If you don't find anywhere else. No one would think you were a burden and I bet Carole would love to have anyone apart from all the usual for a while." I tried to protest again. "And no protests."

I did end up at Mr. Blaine's house. But only on the condition that I'd spend as much daytime as I could at Benjamin's- I had done that before too so that wouldn't make much difference. And then the time just seemed to run by while I tried to keep away from Javier and looked out the window to the driveway at Mr. Blaine's to check so none of my brothers or dad would come here.

Maybe because I wouldn't know what to say to them if they did.

At the glee club on Tuesday. I was one of the last to come into the choir room and Mr. Blaine stood rifling in some papers and a book with songs and sheet music on the piano. And just after I had sat down Belle came in and seemed to be the last.

"Here" Belle handed some sheet music to Kayla. "I was hoping you could play to the song I was going to do." Kayla nodded, and answered something we couldn't hear. Belle nodded back and came to sit down just as Mr. Blaine stopped riffling in his papers, put the book back into the shelves and came walking over to us.

"If you don't mind waiting Bell… Then Christie, do you want to do the song you were singing yesterday?" Christie just glared back at Mr. Blaine. "Please, it was really good. And I bet everyone would like to hear it." With that Christie actually stood up and got down onto the floor in front of us others.

"Fine then…" She started rambling through the lyrics without singing. And so fast I could only catch a few words. I heard Mr. Blaine sigh and he leaned forward and put his head in his hands for a second before looking up again. It was all done very quick with the speed the lyrics were just rambled and afterwards, without another word Christie went to sit down and grumpily crossed her arms over her chest, as usual glaring around her as if she didn't want anything to do with any of us- which she probably didn't whatsoever.

"Well," Mr. Blaine sighed again. "Your turn Belle. Then we'll go into the choir room. And hey." We could all notice the way Belle seemed shaky and nervous. "It's okay. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. And we're all here for you." Belle just nodded, and while Daniel patted her back as she passed him she walked down onto the floor and while she took a deep, shaky breath in front of us. As I always would, for Belle at least. Glanced over today's outfit.

"Well..." I had always been kind of fascinated by Belle's sense of fashion. But there was something about it today, and it wasn't just about that way too big army hoodie- probably her brother's along with a blue jumpsuit and blue converse that didn't feel right. "You all know my dad's a jerk. So I guess I don't have to explain much. It just seemed like the perfect song…" She took another deep breath and showed thumb up to Kayla, who started playing.

I think that everyone in the room already hated Belle's dad for what he would do to Belle. For what it was clear that he did, and for what he had done for Finn. But none of us could fail but hate him more when we heard the song she had chosen. But something was wrong with Belle as well, she seemed pale, and dizzy and when she stumbled backwards which almost made it look like she fell Mr. Blaine flew onto his feet and caught her while she stretched out again and blinked.

"I… I… I don't feel so good." Belle's voice sounded weak and unsteady. "I think I'll just go home." Mr. Blaine frowned, and then lifted his arm and felt her forehead with it.

"No wonder, you're warm young lady. If you wait here, I can give you a ride." Belle shook her head carefully, and then grabbed her bag and slowly and unsteadily moved towards the door. I was just waiting for Mr. Blaine to say something else, or Daniel. But it seemed no one else wanted to bother her. Because we all let her leave. And several silent minutes passed before we finally moved again towards the auditorium when I told them I wanted to do my song there.

Looking up on the audience while I started my song and held one hand around the microphone. At the same time as I moved one foot at the time in rhythm and tried not to start boiling or explode with anger. And actually, I don't think I breathed neither in nor out before the last tone had rang out and I waited for the reactions.

"And you sung this song during family week." Lea- Marie raised an eyebrow and I pulled my hands through my hair and stopped onto the back of my head in frustration. "That's just sad." I closed my eyes and tried to calmly count to ten. But I exploded before I'd reached three and as good as I could from the stage with her in the audience I stared her right into the eyes.

"Fine, you want to know what happened? You want to know what they did to me? I have spent… My whole damn life hating my mum since they told me she left when I was a baby. Do you want to know that this weekend I found out that she didn't? That she died from some complications when I was born? Do you want to know that… well, I'm living at Mr. Blaine's house and don't know if I will ever or will ever want to go back to my brothers and dad?"

"Dakota." I flinched when I heard Javier's voice in the stairs down towards the stage and looked up to see him, as usual with the hands shoved into his jeans pockets. "We were trying to help you. We wanted to tell you when…"

"YOU WERE TRYING TO KEEP WHAT HAPPENED TO ME AND PROBABLY WOULD HAVE KEPT IT FROM ME ALL MY LIFE IF I HADN'T FOUND THAT SCRAPBOOK. IT WAS CRUEL AND I HATE YOU ALL." I tried to walk off the stage but in the last second I took a deep breath and looked towards Mr. Blaine. "I'll just walk back." And with that, I turned back towards the hallway and left. Hurrying, almost running and hoping that Javier wouldn't catch up.

I knew it was quite a bit to walk. And that the way from school and to the Lopez' house would only be the first quarter of two hours. But well there I grabbed the biggest backpack I could find in form of a purple, plaid thing from Beckmann of Norway that I had never used much. And so I started throwing clothes and things into it. Oranges, books, movies, money and then ended with pushing my laptop into the back of the thing, threw it over one shoulder and started unpeeling an orange while walking away.

But walking through the house in which I had grown up, tip- toeing even though I knew that nobody was home something didn't feel right. My dad and my brothers had been everyone I had had for so long. And even though I had my friends and Benjamin and all now, I knew I couldn't live without them all.

I tried telling myself that this was all their fault. That I was still angry with them so I was boiling. But I wasn't even angry anymore. Just had a weird feeling that after all this was my fault too. And for a moment I just wanted to stay in here, let go of my pride and listen to what they had to say about everything. But I refused to admit, even to myself that I would have done something wrong and when I steered my steps down the porch and the road walking back towards the Hudson-Hummel- Anderson and Kyemohr house. I wished that I wouldn't have felt anything. But still, no matter how much I wished I couldn't help all of the feelings roaring up inside of me. While one of them seemed to roar louder than any of the others.

Something felt wrong

**Martina POV**

After many ifs and buts I had finally decided to come out to my dad. I could tell he could tell there was something bothering me and I didn't want to keep it from him anymore. So at last, I had decided that I wanted to do it before school. That way, if he didn't take it well I guessed I could just go off to school. And hope that he would have calmed down and got used to that thought of me being gay before school was over.

"Dad?"

When I came down the stairs on Wednesday morning I had decided that I would tell him. Just say it right out. Or at least I would have said it before I went off. Even if it would make me late. And I hated being late so… But my dad was always reading the paper in the morning. And then there was no talking to him. However, when I came downstairs that particular morning. He was sitting with his phone and the paper wasn't anywhere to see.

"You had a new baby cousin tonight Martina. It's a girl."

"What?" I stopped in the middle of the kitchen. "Isn't it very much too soon?" Dad lifted his head, and I counted. "No? Geez, those nine months went fast." Dad smiled again and looked down and scrolled through his phone. "Can I see a photo? What's her name? What does Wilson say? Is she okay? Was she born today or yesterday? Was she…"

"Shut it Marti. Let me answer your questions so far. First of all." He held up his phone and let me see the photo of a newborn girl sleeping wrapped in a white blanket printed with blue, green and brown elephants. "Recognize that blanket?" I nodded- I had bought it when I found out my Aunt Maria was pregnant. "And they're naming her Jade. Wilson is a very proud older brother." He showed me another photo with my cousin Wilson holding onto his little sister smiling to her. "And there are no signs that she'll end up disabled like him…"

"I don't care if she ends up disabled. Wilson is, but I love him to bits anyway. And I wouldn't have wanted him any other way."

"I know. She's perfectly healthy and she was born today just a few minutes after midnight. And of course, like you just said. I have nothing against Wilson being disabled either. He's just the sweetest little thing and I love him, and I love spoiling him with baseball things and teaching him how to play." Dad smiled. "However, I know Maria's been pretty stressed by having one disabled child…"

"That's not strange. Wilson's dad left like five minutes after they found out."

"I know that…" Dad sighed. And I stood up from leaning against the table and reached for the peanut butter and bread. "…That really wasn't a nice man. But oh, they're thinking about moving here. Of course that'll be hard with a newborn baby. But they want to be closer to us. And as you probably know. Maria likes doing everything at once."

"I still can't get over the fact that they named their twins Mark and Maria." Dad let hear a short chuckle still scrolling in the photos he must have seen a thousand times. And I decided that when he was in a mood this good. It was the time to tell him. "Dad?"

"Mhm."

"There's something I've been wanting to tell you."

"Mhm."

"You know how you say you love Wilson even though he's disabled?"

"Mhm."

"Would you still love me no matter what?"

"Yes of course."

"Even if I told you I was gay?"

For the first time in God knows how long dad looked up from his phone. He frowned and I dropped the knife I was going to put peanut butter on the bread on. Oh God! I should never have told him. I was so chucked out of the house. So alone, but none of that mattered since I would be so dead anyway.

"Oh that you've got from me."

"What?"

"That you've got from me. I like girls too."

Well… that was a reaction I would never have expected!

"What?"

"Oh Marti." Dad put his phone down, stood up and came around the table to sit on the kitchen sofa with me. "What did you think I'd do if I knew? Kick you out of the house?" I shrugged- something like that. And I looked down not to let him see the tears in my eyes. "Oh sweetheart." Dad took me in his arms and rocked me back and forth just like he'd do when I was little and had a scrape on my knee. I buried my face in his shirt and let the tears landing in the soft fleece fabric flow. "I love you. I love you, I love, you, I love you. And that is never going to change. Not by anything- ever!" I looked up and into his eyes again and he tenderly wiped the tears from my cheeks and let his lips slightly touch my forehead. "Never! Oh…" His eyes were suddenly glimmering mischievously. "Have you got a girlfriend?" I shrugged, then shook my head. "Have you got a crush?" I didn't answer that, just tried to hide the smile on my lips that would appear whenever I thought about Xenia. "Aw, my little girl's got a crush."

"Da-ad." I said grumpily. "I'm not your little girl anymore."

"Don't even try it. You'll still be my little girl when you're eighty years old." I couldn't help but smile, wiped the rest of the tears and leaned my head against his shoulder. "Have you got a picture of her?" I shook my head slightly. I didn't need one- I'd see her whenever I closed my eyes. "Hey, do you know what we should do?" I shook my head. "Tonight, or this afternoon more likely. We go out for dinner at Breadstix, you and me. And you invite…"

"Xenia."

"Xenia… By the way Marti, I don't think we ever told you. Did you know that your mother was bi?"

"What?" I sat up in an instant almost shouting and stared to dad with big eyes until I had found the right words. "Wh- Why- What- Why didn't you tell me? Are you sure? Why didn't she tell me? Why didn't I know this before?" Once again, I was asking one question after the other without even giving him a chance.

"Well…" Dad held up his hands to silent me. "At first, she wanted to wait until you got a bit older. And actually… I think she knew that you were gay long before she died and long before I did. She had a way with people as you know and… seeing. But anyway, then when she died it was so much revolving around that and then I just never found the right time. Just now I remembered and then I just chose to just say it right out." I bit my lip- like me then. "Like you?" Dad had a way with seeing right through me! "And she had had a girlfriend or two. That was before your time though. Actually- I think it was before my time too!" I raised an eyebrow- dad was born two months before mum. "Before I knew her I mean…" Dad silent. "…You know, when we grew up LGBT wasn't as accepted as it is today. But it was one of the first things she told me about herself and I just shrugged it off and thought that she was really cool…" Dad got a bit of a dreamy look in his eyes. "…She was great."

I sniveled and tried to fight the lump in my throat down. And looked down so dad wouldn't see my tears. But still, dad just had a way with seeing right through me. And I probably already knew that he knew. And so he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.

"Oh sweetheart." He shushed gently and for the second time today I couldn't keep it in anymore so I just started sobbing wildly while dad just sat there with his arms wrapped around me. "It's okay. I'm right here."

"Ugh!" When I had finally stopped sobbing and could pull away from dad's embrace there was finally the time where I could wipe the tears without twenty thousand new ones coming. "I never cry like this unless… Wait a minute." I counted the days. "Oh yeah, I'm definitely PMS'ing." Dad let hear a short laugh and pulled away from me. "I don't get angry I just cry eighty eleven times a day." Dad laughed again. "Doesn't mean I can't get angry with you for laughing at me." That only made him laugh more and with my sandwich still left not even half- eaten on the table I stood up. "I'm late for school… where do you think I put my bag this time?"

"It's in the sofa in the living room." Dad stood up too and started cleaning the table. "I can give you a ride… hey… Why don't today… We don't give a damn about school and go out and just spend the day together. Just you and me?" I shrugged- but remembered what we had spoken about just a minute ago.

"I was going to ask Xenia to come out for dinner with us today. And I've got an important French test so I can't skip today. But tomorrow. But you are so coming with me today then and talk to all of my teachers so I can skip because that part is nothing I want to deal with. And, you gotta promise me that I'll be back for glee club."

"I will, and I promise you'll be back for glee club."

I smiled and turned towards the hallway and the living room, dad was right about where my bag was. I just had a way with putting that bag a bit of wherever and then always forget where. Good thing dad had a better memory then me.

When I came to school dad was going in to talk to the teachers I would have on Thursday. But Wednesday's classes had already started so I just ran through the hallway and hoped that Miss Keiler wouldn't kill me for being late. She didn't. But I didn't get a chance to find Xenia and ask her about the dinner until at lunch.

"Hey, Xenia." I walked up to her carefully. And didn't shout or anything. But she flinched and turned around and seemed to look in every direction possible scared before she spotted me. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. But my dad and I were going out for dinner at Breadstix later today. And I was wondering if you'd like to come with us." I finally stopped talking, I hadn't even given Xenia a chance to greet me back and she seemed to be having trouble with how to answer.

"Sorry, I can't. I gotta get to class."

With that, Xenia turned around and hurried down the hallway. I frowned- it was lunch time, there were no classes at all right now and wouldn't be for another while- and Xenia had seemed so scared. Usually, she was shy. But she had actually seemed scared and I couldn't for my life understand why. Something didn't feel right.

Because with her shyness, that was so bad it couldn't be that Xenia was just shy. Her way with always looking over her shoulder, and the clothes she wore in neutral colors. It was like she was trying to make herself invisible in the crowd. And I couldn't help to get a weird feeling in my stomach. It was like I knew she was broken. And that it wasn't just her being careful both with what she said and what she did.

Something felt wrong.

**Bradon POV**

"Brady?" When I sat on my bed pulling my socks on on Thursday morning Alex came through the hallway and hung on the door frame into my room. "Where's princess? I didn't even see her here for dinner yesterday." I glared up at him, and knew that if I told that I hadn't even seen Keagan at school since last Thursday my brother would only make fun of that.

"None of your business." I mumbled. "Hey Lucy." When my Dalmatian do came into my room and over to me I scratched her head and over her ears. "Hey, do you know that when… when we go back to the stables where Alma was. Alma won't be there. She went to horse heaven and… honestly I'm not so sure Keagan will be there either." I sighed. And hadn't even noticed Alex still stood in my door until he gave a short chuckle.

"Keagan haven't been here or in school or anywhere because his horse died." Alex let hear a snort. "Poor little princess." I glared at him. Okay, if he wanted to go on me it was okay- but not on my friends and especially not on Keagan. And especially in a time like this. And with that I stood that and faced my brother- sternly looking him right into the eyes.

"Are you going to…" I didn't let Alex finish his question. He was twice my weight and size. But I didn't let that keep me from punching my brother right over his nose. And in some way it almost felt good to hear it crack. Although, that was before I realized what I had done, and quickly I ran back into my room, grabbed my backpack and a pair of Harry Potter sneakers in each hand before I ran outside to take the bus while I jumped on first one foot then the other to get the shoes on. And all of that before Alex could catch me and punch the living crap out of me. Or before mum or dad had come shouting at me.

When I got on the bus I was out of breath and since I hadn't gotten a chance to look myself in the mirror my hair was a mess. However, I couldn't imagine all the trouble I would be in after school coming home. And while I as usual looked forward to the glee club, I couldn't quite know what to say at all when I knew glee club was the last before I'd have to go home again.

Keagan hadn't been in school since Alma died. On Friday I thought he would be back by Monday, then on Monday I thought Tuesday and so on. But he still wasn't waiting for me by the lockers and I sighed and kept on walking. And more than ever I looked forward to the glee club- no way I was walking around with any of the triplets today and without Keagan everything just felt so lonesome and empty. However, it gave me loads of sing to find a song and rehearse it with a guitar in the choir room.

"Actually. I've got a song." I raised my hand first when everyone had come into the choir room in the afternoon and Mr. Blaine gestured to me to go out on the floor. "Well… This is for…" I didn't get the chance to finish before the door to the choir room opened. "Keagan?" I got onto my feet and ran over and then hugged him tightly. "Are you okay?" Keagan didn't respond with words, but his shrug and the tired look in his eyes, face and whole body said more than enough for me to know he was nowhere even close to okay.

"Hey." Keagan raised his hand in a wave while he walked over to the chairs and Mr. Blaine walked over and gave Keagan's shoulder a slight pat. "It's okay… I'm alright. Bradon, looking like you are about to start. Let's hear what you've got!" For the choice of words, somebody might have thought Keagan was the tiny bit alright. But after having known him for so long- I could easily tell he wasn't without a doubt. Although, he just gestured to me to get started and I borrowed the guitar from Mr. Jonas and as usual jumped up to sit on the piano.

"As many of you know I've got a set of triplets in my family. They're older than me. All of them, obviously. And there's Ben who's the oldest, Haiden is the middle one and then Alex the youngest and as many of you also know Alex is a… In clear English- an asshole." There were a few raised eyebrows in the room- but most of them knew Alex and therefore knew what I meant anyway. "So.-.. I guess I found the right song."

I put the guitar towards my leg and played a few chords before I started. I knew for sure my problems weren't nothing compared to the other's. We had heard that Dakota's family had all lied to him and said that his mum had left when she had been dead all the time whatsoever. For all of his life. Christie had been kicked out of the house for being too ill, which made her dad a big asshole- even bigger than Alex. And upon it all, Keagan had just lost a part of his family, and Belle's dad was just… an asshole!

But I was just so seriously annoyed with my youngest older brother. He just thought that he could say anything about anyone and he was just so mean. And while I thought about how I had- possibly and probably broken his nose earlier. I hated the way I was feeling bad about it after everything he had ever done to me.

With everything that was just annoying me more and more my hand hit harder and harder towards the strings and by the end of the song I had several short and small, but bleeding cuts on my fingers. That I just ignored shoving my hand in my pocket, and handed the guitar back to Mr. Jonas.

"Can I go next?" Martina seemed excited about what she had and in the corner of my eye I could see Mr. Blaine nodding while I investigated the cuts on my fingers. When I looked up again Martina had handed the sheet music to Mr. Jonas and was out on the floor in front of us. "Well, I think this song is supposed to be to a mum. But I don't care and I've got the best dad in the world so…" She gestured towards Mr. Jonas who started playing and was smiling while she started singing and through the whole song.

Martina's happy song, energy and the smile on her face couldn't help but to have me smiling too. And it seemed like I wasn't the only one. By the end the only ones I could see weren't smiling were Lea-Marie and of course Keagan. And Lea- Marie had seemed to notice but at first didn't have the time to say anything when Martina explained her choice of song.

"Well… Today I and dad we just… Dropped out of everything and we have… well, what have we done? Watched movies, talked, talked a bit more, we had dinner and then talked a bit more and then I… It just feels like the first time in years that I could actually talk to him and I just thought. That it would be good with something happy when everybody else were miserable." She smiled even bigger, and Keagan barely let her finish before he spoke up.

"Can I go next?"

"Yes, of course."

"Aw." As soon as Mr. Blaine had answered and Keagan stood up Lea spoke, and it wasn't nice. "Is princess still a bit sad because his little horsey died? Poor thing!" If glares could kill, there wouldn't have been much left of Lea-Marie Hale. And even though Keagan wasn't looking at her, he had stopped in a middle of a move and staring right in front him I could see him clenching his hands. He didn't get the time to do anything though- Benjamin was quicker with his power of words.

"You better stop that attitude Lea-Marie. You go on everything you know what will hurt the most and it's cruel. And if you keep on doing it like that you will end up very, very lonely."

The room fell absolutely pitch silent. There wasn't any words needed to know that Benjamin had just put into words what we had all been feeling for months now. Lea- Marie herself just looked to Benjamin with an ice glare before she turned her head with a snort and threw her hair over her shoulder. Still acting like she was tons better than anybody else in this room.

Keagan didn't seem to think it was worth it or something. Because he took the last few steps over to the piano in front of us "Well…" He hit his hands together and leaned against the piano. And then sunk down towards the wooden leg of the piano with his elbows towards his legs. "…Just like you just heard… my horse Alma… died on Thursday" He sighed. "And now is family week and Alma she was… she was family… she was the only one who had been there through everything you know… without caring… about… you know…"

"The fact that you're a girl?"

"Yes Lea- Marie." Keagan sighed and didn't seem surprised about the person who had guessed. "That was what everybody else cared about but… not Alma. And she was with me from… I think I was five when I had her so she would have been like eight or nine. And… she just didn't care who I was or what I did or didn't do in school or anything like that but at the same time… it just always felt like she cared more than anybody else."

"Get to the point."

"I will Lea…" Keagan sighed again. "And she was… she was my best friend but when a horse breaks its leg like Alma did you know… there's nothing you could do. So… I thought this song would suit but… without any instruments so… I guess." Keagan cleared his throat and then started singing.

And from the moment he started it was almost too obvious that he was showing us something deeper, more fragile in him that any of us- not even me had ever seen before. And while his voice kept steady, his hands were shaking and as soon as the song was over he laid his hand backwards towards the piano's leg. Closed his eyes and fought quietly not to breakdown.

"Chill out princess" Lea- Marie stated, as soon as it was all quiet. And of course, as I could see she was the only one who hadn't gone emotional from Keagan's performance. "It was just a horse!" Keagan put his head in his hands, then lifted his chin slightly. But I had sensed what he would do and had reached him when he pushed himself onto his feet and clenched his fists hard.

"Are you going to punch me?"

"Don't." I whispered, too quietly for Lea- Marie to hear. "She's not worth it." Keagan took a few shaky, forced breath but ended up just breaking down instead. And by the time he did. There wasn't a chance for me not to feel every single piece of his pain and misery while he leaned his head against my shoulder and I pushed my fingers through his hair.

I didn't think that I had ever heard Keagan cry before. Of course, he bawled at stupid, emotional movies when the couple got back together. He would get tears in his eyes when he looked at something truly beautiful. Sunset's mostly actually and almost always nice views of nature. He would bawl when he stubbed his toe or had a bad cold- or act like it anyway.

But this was something else. This was right from the heart and it wrenched his whole body and made my heart break. This made the shoulder of my shirt go all wet from all of the tears and had him sinking down on the floor when his whole body shook. I still didn't let go and sunk down to my knees. Barely even noticing that Finn's army including Mr. Blaine, the Cooper-Anderson's and Mady were still in the room. And something wasn't right. This wasn't Keagan- it couldn't be Keagan!

Something felt wrong

**Carole POV**

Sunday nights at work usually didn't become too different from each other. Hangovers, and the ones that would have kept on drinking from Friday and Saturday. Of course, working in the ER as a nurse, you would see loads of different things and all kinds of people. But those drunks never really left the place. And as a nurse I would be the one to help them clean up- hurray!

Or not so much.

Actually, Blaine laid home with the stomach flu. So I probably shouldn't have come here with risk for passing it onto patients. But with the stomach flu half of the staff were out ill and I just had to do it along with loads of alcogel- thank God I was one of them who always, in some weird way never got the stomach flu!

I sighed when I came back from help one of our constantly coming again guests. Worried Wes. And worried was absolutely the right word to call him by. He seemed to look in every direction possible at once. Again, and again, and again. Then he thought something was sounding scary and would hit and kick around him so badly the whole nurse got wet- and while I had gotten into new, clean scrubs. I'd barely been able to dry off my hair-oh well, at least it wasn't dripping anymore.

"Carole. Take this one." Dr. Morrisey came out into the reception. "She's in examine room six." I frowned- that room was barely used! "I know. But I thought it would do best if she was given some privacy. Twenty year old female with nausea and vomiting." I nodded and walked out of the reception towards the end of the hallway. Where, when I came in there laid a girl, and behind her sat a man, possibly her boyfriend, hugging her and looking worriedly to me. And seeing the miserable and despite the mixed skin color, pale expression. I couldn't help but to let all of my motherly instincts kick in.

"Shauna Butler?" The girl didn't move but the man nodded. "Okay, I'm Carole." I looked to the numbers on her paper wristband. "Security number and digits."

"29-08-98-4658…. I don't remember the rest."

"That's okay." I couldn't bear making her talk in that whimpering tone, it was breaking my heart and the poor thing was having trouble even holding her head up before her head sunk back towards the man's shirt. "Are you her boyfriend?" He nodded. "Okay," I hung the charts on the side of the bed and sat down on a rolling chair putting my arms towards the metal railings of the bed. "What brings you here today?" The girl still didn't move. Only her eyes moved, and she looked miserably up at me while her boyfriend answered.

"She had a stomach bug a few days ago. She have been throwing up before that but… it just wouldn't stop and it's kept on going on. I'm not sure but I brought her in I…"

"Don't worry about it. We'd rather have anyone come in ten times too much than one time too little." I took some notes. "Anything else I need to know of? Stomachaches? Diarrhea?" The girl just looked disgusted. But nodded slightly. "I know honey, but we need to know so we can… okay, here we go." I recognized that expression any time! And I stood up and grabbed a sick bag from the hanger on the wall and just as I came back holding it she started heaving. "Okay, that's okay." Her boyfriend was occupied with holding her so she wouldn't fall off the bed. So I took her hand and rubbed it with my thumb. "It's okay."

It felt like hours- so I could only imagine how long it felt like for her before she finally stopped dry heaving and slowly moved so she could sink back into her boyfriend's arms and he softly breathed into her hair and rubbed her arm. I threw the bag in the trash and grabbed a new one that I laid right by her.

"You've got a bag right here if you get sick again."

"Please make it stop." She whimpered. But I couldn't tell if it was to me or to the boyfriend. "P-please make it stop." She sobbed quietly and I reached for her hand again.

"I'm just going to check something honey. It's not going to hurt."

I took her hand and pulled up a bit of skin on the back between my thumb and a finger. Usually, when you did it like that it should go back into its right position quickly, but now it slowly sunk until it was back where it should. And it only confirmed what I had known from the beginning. And when I looked back up again I was happier than ever that I had when I saw the pleading brown eyes from the boyfriend.

"Honey." I sat back down again and put my arms back towards the railing. "You've got something called dehydration. It's when your body loses too much fluid for everything to function and while you start throwing up you lose even more. So I'll go talk with the doctor. And then we'll give you an IV, and some pills against everything so you won't throw up again. And then you should be able to go home already tonight. They might want to keep you here for a few hours for observation but you're going to be out of here at the latest tomorrow. Okay?" She nodded weakly, and I noticed she wanted to say something so I leaned closer to hear.

"Could this have hurt my baby?"

"Are you pregnant?" She nodded. "Okay, you know. The body is a very smart function. Which means that when you're pregnant the priority is for the baby to get everything he or she needs. So there might be a risk but, it's very, very small." Her lip trembled. "And even if it would. I'm sure that your baby will be alright." She put a hand towards her belly. "How far along are you?"

"I- I'm not sure." The dehydration and exhaustion had made her confused. "Four, five weeks."

"Okay, we could do an ultrasound if you want to." She nodded. "I'll go get everything. And don't worry, we'll make absolutely sure that we won't give you anything that could harm your baby." Shauna nodded weakly, then. As I left the room she laid down towards her boyfriend's shirt and closed her eyes.

"Dr. Morrisey" I walked up to the test. "I am a hundred and fifteen percent sure this girl is dehydrated because of morning sickness and a stomach bug. And I want to do and they want to do an ultrasound." He nodded. "Okay… Do you want to do whatever tests you need and then wait the whole night only to find out that I'm right?" I smirked slightly. Good thing we had known each other for ages.

"No, I trust your judgement Carole. Give her some fluid, Zofran and get the ultrasound scanner. We will do the tests just to be sure while she gets them and unless something new turns up we'll send her home." I nodded to show that sounded good. And turned to get to the medicine cabinet. "You know how much it takes of each. After all, you're the only one of us who's been pregnant and suffered from morning sickness… did you by the way?"

"Get pregnant?" I joked.

"The morning sickness part?"

"U-huh. More like all day long sickness." The tall, grey- haired man in front of me laughed and shook his head. "Now. It's not nice to keep them waiting." I turned around and heard the ambulance's guys just saying what they had. "Bring them in." I was pretty sure I'd be needed (Nurses were more needed than people thought!) So I hurried to the medicine cabinet and got the things I needed.

"Benjamin Heedie," I quickly span around- really? Oh, yes. I'd recognize that blonde thatch anyway. And I quickly handed the IV bag and the Zofran to the first nurse I saw in the hallway telling them where it was going before I ran over to the young blonde. "Eighteen years old, house fire. Second and third degree burns on hands and arms. Smoke inhalation." I came running, and quickly took Benjamin's hand and followed the others through the hallway not letting go.

"Benji? What happened?"

"Ma- Ma." Benjamin tried to say something. Lifted his other, mostly hurt hand and pulled away the oxygen mask from his face. "Mady." He was cut off by a coughing fit and someone put the mask over his nose and mouth. The feeling with someone I knew coming in here, had me standing still for a few seconds looking back and forth as if I had no idea where to go or even who I was. Well, that was until one more stretcher was pushed into the hallway and loud, wheezing coughs echoed through the hallways.

"Madison Heedie, six years old." I hesitated, actually. We weren't allowed to care for anyone we knew at work. But with Benjamin gestured for me to go to Mady I hurried over to her instead. "First and second degree burns on hands and arms. Smoke inhalation, asthma." I had probably stopped listened already. Along with Nicola from the ambulance I fought for Mady not to hit around her in panic while she coughed so to the point she didn't get a chance to breathe in.

"Sch, sch, sch." I stroke her hair as good as I could by the hoses and cords with the mask and the needles put in her arm. "It's alright Mads. It's alright." Mady still panicked but opened her eyes and looked up at me. "It's okay Mady. I'm right here. It's just me." I made a move to take her hand. But stopped in the middle of it when I realized she had burns on her hand. Her teddy bear, Charlie Brown however laid under the bed and I didn't care how bad she felt- she needed him so I picked him up and laid it by her side. "Here's Charlie. It's okay Mady, it's okay. I'm right here and Charlie Brown's right there and…"

"Hey C." The receptionist walked by, as usual with his stupid nicknames. "You know this girl. You're not allowed to treat patients you don't know." I sighed just as we turned the bed. I hoped that no one would have heard what Lex said, but they had. And before I knew anything else I had been pushed away. "Sorry, you know the rules." I glared back at Alexey and swore under my breath. While I hoped that no one would notice that I had just walked into Mady Heedie's big brother's room. They would sooner or later, their trauma rooms was only side by side with a door in between. So I tried to make myself as little as possible with walking with my back against Mady's part where everyone knew I knew her.

"It's my fault." I could hear Mady when the door in between the trauma rooms when someone came through. Then more coughs and when the person went back Mady spoke again. "It's my fault, it's my fault." I frowned, but noticed Benjamin wanted to say something so I reached forward and held the mask away.

"It wasn't her fault." He wheezed- "It must have started in the kitchen. I think I left the oven on." He started coughing and I put the mask on again and stroke his hair. "It was an accident Carole." When he heard Benjamin call me by first name only Dr. Morrissey looked up again and I gave him a meaning look. But he wasn't taking it and with an annoyed look on his face he sternly pointed towards the door. There was nothing else for me to do then to leave. And since I also briefly knew Dakota there wasn't even a point with trying. But while the Heedie's and Dakota all laid in the trauma rooms the fourth one- Brady laid behind a curtain in the hallway and sobbed his heart out.

"Are you alright hon?" I laid a hand on his shoulder. "Is there something I could do? Someone I should call for you?"

"All of my school work." Brady laid on his side on the stretcher with his head in his hands. "Two years of work gone up in flames." A few hoarse, forced coughs wrenched his body. "Gone up in flames. I wish I'd gone up in flames too."

"Sch, sch, sch." There were already every person needed around him checking for burns or whatever so I took on the duty of calming him down. "You're safe. That's what matters." Brady just sobbed a few more times. "School can be done again, fixed and replaced. You couldn't." Brady froze and looked up at me with tear stained cheeks.

"That is two years of late nights and early mornings' work. I can never replace that." When he started sobbing again I didn't quite know what to say. But there was soot on his glasses so I carefully pulled them off and went to wash them. But before I had the time to get there I froze when Brady started talking again.

"The fire must have started in Ben's room from where they came running and the sound of the fire not being too loud yet. I would have had at least a minute or so to grab some things. And I had a USB stick with all of it just on the table. I could have just grabbed it." He finished and broke down sobbing again while I walked into the trauma room where there was a sink with a crane to wash the glasses in.

"Dakota." It actually wasn't my job to investigate what had started the fire. But something just told me to do it. "Benjamin says the fire must have started from the kitchen, Mady says it was her fault and Brady says it must have started towards Ben's room… Do you have any idea if someone is lying or how the fire started?" Dakota pulled the oxygen mask of- he was breathing almost normally again anyway.

"I was in the kitchen. It can't have started there."

Some nurse, I couldn't concentrate enough to see who it was came and put the oxygen mask over Dakota's mouth and nose again and I was finished with cleaning of Brady's glasses so I turned back to the curtain where he laid. And there was something up!

Benjamin was saying the fire started in the kitchen, Dakota said it didn't. Brady said the fire must have started in or by Benjamin's room and Mady kept on saying it was her fault. Not much of it made any sense- except for the knowledge that at least one of them was lying for one reason or another. And I couldn't for my life understand why.

Something felt wrong.

**Dakota doesn't seem so sure about what to do. Something's up with Belle, and then she's ill and it's contagious. Something's up with Christie too- but that's nothing new. Benjamin and Dakota spend as much time together as possible and for now Dakota lives with Carole and Burt and them. Martina came out to her dad, which went great. And has a new born cousin named Jade. And another little cousin who is disabled and named Wilson. But Xenia just seems weird. But Martina loves her dad. Oh and her mum was bi. Keagan is destroyed, Alex is an asshole, and then… Keagan just breaks. Then Carole still works as a nurse, Shauna- Belle's brother's girlfriend is pregnant which means that Belle is going to be an aunt. And then Dakota, Benjamin and Mady, and Brady came in after a house fire. But it seems at least one of them is lying about how the fire started. Why? Well…. You'll just have to wait and see. **

**Playlist  
**Christie- Don't forget to remember me- Carrie Underwood  
Belle- For the love of a daughter- Demi Lovato  
Dakota- Really don't care- Demi Lovato  
Bradon- Mean- Taylor Swift  
Martina- Best day- Taylor Swift **  
**Keagan- Be free- Ariel Kaplan (The version in the episode)

**Martina's dad is portrayed by Rob Thomas and made by Riana Salvatore. Her cousins are portrayed by (younger) Colby Canterbury. And (very much younger) Mia Talerico. Her aunt is portrayed by Sherry Stringfield and uncle by Marc Gilpin. Xenia is portrayed by Willa Holland. Shauna is portrayed by Zendaya, and Lenny by Nathan Stewart- Jarett and made by GleekFreak908. Mady is portrayed by Sarah Grace Morris. Brady is portrayed by Zach Roerig (With glasses). Charlie Brown (earlier named Annie) is portrayed by my teddy Bamse. Alexey is portrayed by Eddie Redmayne. Ben and Alex are portrayed by Max and Charlie Carver and Haiden by Claudia Lee and those siblings are all made by LocalXmusicXjellybeanX. Javier is portrayed by Avan Jogia and made by Babygleefan11 **

**And guys, guys. Tomorrow I'm holding a lecture in front of loads of people. Wish me luck! **

**Random fact**

Dakota mentions a big purple plaid backpack from Beckmann of Norway- it's the exact same backpack that I carry with me exactly everywhere.


	32. Come on then

**There was a fault made by me in the last chapter, Benjamin is seventeen years old. Not eighteen like it says there. **

**A photo of Mady's teddy bear- Charlie Brown, actually mine named Bamse have been put on the tumblr that LocalXmusicXjellybeanX is doing. The link for it is ditr-ff. tumblr. Com **

**New polyvores  
-Prom outfits for Benjamin and Dakota, added to the collection right by the others. I really like Dakota's!**

**Carole POV **

I was standing by the front desk when I heard the doors to the emergency room opened and several pairs of running towards the desk. I didn't bother much about it, that wasn't anything unusual around here but I looked up when I realized Alexey wasn't sitting by the desk and I'd have to act receptionist just as Mr. Lopez and Gabriella Heedie came running up as well as several young men who I guessed were all of Dakota's brothers.

"M-My son?" In the stress, Mr. Lopez didn't recognize me from sectionals. "Dakota Lopez."

"Carole?" Gabriella got over to the reception desk too. "Where's Mady and Benjamin… Dakota and Brady too but where are my children." They were both, all including Dakota's brothers talking fast and I couldn't hear a single word of what any of them were saying. While trying to calm them down didn't seem to help much- and probably hadn't if Alexey hadn't come along right then.

"SHUT UP!" He looked around to the Lopez's and Heedie who had right away silent right away and he bowed to me. "Now, Carole. Give them the news." Alexey disappeared again and I turned to the families.

"They're all okay." All of them breathed out. "Mady and Benjamin have got some burns, mainly on their arms and hands. They all suffered from some smoke inhalation so they want to keep Dakota, Benjamin and Mady overnight for observation. Mady's asthma acted up a bit but she's alright and the last time I checked she was sleeping and hugging her Charlie Brown harder than ever. Brady's alright, he too suffered from some smoke inhalation but the most important part is that they are all going to be just fine."

"Where are they?"

I walked around the reception desk and showed them which way to come. After seeing how troubled Dakota was for what his dad and brothers had kept secret for all his life I wasn't so sure what I thought about them all. But maybe they had tried to protect them. And here at the hospital I was a professional and couldn't let my own feelings have a part in how I treated either patients or their friends and family.

"Here." I opened the door to room number one furthest down the hall and stepped out of the way holding onto it. "That's alright." Gabriella- Mrs. Heedie seemed to be holding herself close to me, which wasn't a surprise when all of the Lopez's came bursting through the door, the one faster than the other and they were all taller and bigger than the both of us.

Well in the room they stopped, and if I hadn't known better I would have thought Dakota was asleep. He laid in the bed further into the three- bunk- room and was wrapped up in a thin hospital blanket with his back against the door. And while I closed the door and Gabriella moved towards Mady's bed- where Mady was sound asleep hugging Charlie tight the Lopez's didn't seem too sure about what to do or what to say.

"Dakota."

When one of the middle brothers spoke up it was with a voice ever so shaky, nervous and thick. And for several seconds the only sounds in the room was Mady's slow breathing and Benjamin whispering songlyrics to calm himself down. But Dakota didn't even flinch and even though it was all silent I could see on the brother's shoulders how he sighed.

"Diego."

Different from Dakota, Diego- which must have been the brother who had stepped forward closer to the bed. He flinched and I could spot him clenching his hands together as to save time before he had to answer. And on the look on his face I could see two things- he didn't know what to say, and he was trying to keep the tears away. Then one more thing that appeared more and more… was that guilt? 7

"When your… When mum died we… You know, we weren't too old then but dad and we decided that we wouldn't tell you until you were old enough to understand what everything meant but then… when you were six we were going to tell you but… no… then when you were ten… then when you were twelve and… it just got so hard… But I'm sorry Junior… We're all sorry."

It might or might not have been wrong of me to stand there. But to make it a little more right (Or so I told myself) I went to hang the oxygen mask, that was now hanging onto Mady's ear and hung it up on the wall as I could hear Dakota move and when I looked back there he had turned and sat up, and Mr. Lopez had walked over to the bed.

"There is one thing that we need to do dad." Mr. Lopez nodded and Dakota glanced over his brothers. "The Heedie's house is completely ruined. So until they have found a new place or whatever, they're living with us. Without paying rent. And if you don't let them then I'm never speaking to you ever again."

"Dakota, Dakota, Dakota." Mr. Lopez held his hands and interrupted catching his son's attention. "I know, and I was already going to do that." He glanced over to Gabriella who sat with Benjamin and was talking with him too quietly for any of us others to hear what they were saying. "Mrs. Hee…" He didn't get any further than that- Gabriella hugged her son tight and they both started sobbing. I grabbed a pack of tissues from a cupboard and handed it to them, and when I turned my concentration back to the rest of the room I saw Mr. Lopez sitting down by his son who had pulled himself as far towards the head of the bed as he could with pulling his knees up to his chest.

"Your mother…" Mr. Lopez's voice was shaking. "…Loved you very much. If it had in between her living, and you living. She would have chosen your life anytime. She did die but… we wanted to wait with telling you why until you were old enough to understand that it wasn't your fault. Because it wasn't your fault. She got ill and… there was nothing either you or the doctors could have done to prevent it and… she only went into the hospital at last to make sure there was nothing wrong with you. Even though she didn't feel well."

"Can you tell me something… completely random about her?"

"She…" Mr. Lopez seemed to search, deep into his mind for a memory. "She… She couldn't walk by a beggar on the street without giving them. So she always kept cash it was only that… sometimes there were so many, she came to me for money when she was broke and… Who was I to tell no to those big brown eyes?"

Dakota let hear a short chuckle. The shortest chuckle I had ever heard because it quickly went into a sob, which led into two sobs, which led into three. Soon I had lost count and Dakota was crying hysterically. I found another box with tissues in the cupboard and put it on the table by them when Mr. Lopez pulled Dakota close to him and the brothers stood lined up with their hands behind their backs silently. Mady still slept hugging Charlie Brown tight. And Gabriella and Benjamin were hugging each other. All in just that way that made my heart fall into pieces. And I backed towards the door and through it trying to push my thoughts about Finn away. Then walked over to the reception desk and sat down and pulled out a chart to get some paperwork done.

"Are you okay?" I heard Alexey's voice. But he probably wasn't speaking to me so I just continued. "Nurse Carole whatever- your- middle- name- is Hudson- Hummel." I could see him pushing himself up to sit on the table desk. "What's the matter?" He reached for a pack of tissues on the desk and held it to me. "Why are you crying?"

"Ich, I just get emotional from seeing parents with their children. You might think that I should have stopped doing that by now but…" I just shook my head at myself. Alexey reached for a box of tissues on the desk. "Hey, have you noticed there are box of tissues everywhere in this place?" Alexey didn't fall for me trying to change the subject and handed me the tissues. "No?"

"Carole." He sighed- for once using my name instead of his 'hey C' and it made him sound serious. "No one thinks that you should see everything that is here. Every parent with their child and every car accident without thinking about Finn. No one expects you to get over it and just move on." Alexey moved from the table, slumped into the chair behind me and laid his hand on my shoulder. "You don't have to be strong all the time."

"I'm fine." I cleared my throat. "Switch the subject."

Alexey sighed, but I had known him for long enough for that line- switch the subject, was enough for him to give in. I wiped the last tears from my eyes and turned to the charts for Shauna Butler. But could still feel Alexey looking at me before he got up from the chair and onto his favorite spot- on the table.

"So, how's Brady?"

"Do you know him?"

"Just a little. Brady lived in Lima when he was younger, and his mum and my mum used to set up these playdates. I had no idea Brady moved back here though. If I did I would have gone up to meet him." Alexey returned to the papers on the reception desk.

"I'll go check how he's doing."

With that, I turned around and spotted that Brady had gotten a jacket from the stack of clothes we had for when someone came in and for one reason or another didn't have clothes. The January temperature would have been too cold for anyone to go outside in with not enough clothes- like the jeans and thin T shirt Brady had been wearing earlier. So if he hadn't had already gotten it, I would probably have gotten him to the stack myself when I saw that he was leaving.

"Are you doing alright?"

"Mhm." Brady lifted up his foot towards the bunk and without as much as looking up before he tied his shoelaces. "You don't happen to know a cheap motel somewhere in town?" I frowned, wasn't there anywhere else he could go, and that was what I asked him. "Since I came here to Lima I've been so concentrated on college I never really made any friends. But that's all for nothing now anyw…" In the middle of a word he stopped in the middle of a movement with sticking his hands down his jeans pockets. "Wait…" His hand clenched around something and he pulled it up- then opened it so I could see it was a USB stick. "All my school work is in this… I thought I'd lost it all." His voice was breaking when he almost started crying with joy. "It must have been there all along." He squeezed it hard in his hand. "Well… do you know a cheap motel?" He looked back to me, but this time in a very much lighter tone than before.

"What about a college dorm?"

"All full." Brady sighed. "If you want one of those you need to get it like early summer or something. So now when I spent most of the year living with the Heedie's… Sorry… You probably don't want to hear about this."

"Can you stay here for a minute Brady?" The young man looked up at me and raised an eyebrow. "Wait…. Just wait here. Okay?" Brady sighed- I could understand him, there probably wasn't a worse place for anyone to spend a Sunday night than the hospital. And he was fine after all. "Oh wait." Someone came with a wheelchair. "Go into the waiting room. I'll be back in a minute."

I turned around and walked away from Brady. Talked to Alexey, went into the staff room and talked with Burt, then talked with Alexey again. Went back to the staff room and got into my own clothes instead of scrubs. Talked more to Alexey and we both turned to the waiting room where Brady sat having dreamed away but he looked up when we came over and returned to reality.

"Do you remember me?" Alexey asked. Brady nodded. "It's been a while but… I and Carole have got an idea. I'm currently in the works of moving into a new place. It's not anything extravagant but it's got three tiny bedrooms, a tiny kitchen, and a tiny living room. And a bathroom and such of course. I'm going to be pretty much settled in in a week or so. And when that happens. We can come along about a good rent. But until next week…" He looked to me.

"You can stay in the guest room at mine. Without paying a rent but with helping out with chores as long as you stay there… I think that there are some of my son's old clothes that could suit you. I'm guessing you don't have much now." Brady shook his head. "And some will go to you and some other to Benjamin and it will be way too big for the both of you." I smiled slightly. "But it's better than nothing at all." Brady nodded. "How does that sound?"

"Well…" Brady pulled a hand through his hair. "I- wow! It's such a great offer but…"

"Don't even think about it young man. You're not a burden."

"Well then… Yeah… Yeah I guess." I smiled down at him, then up at him when he stood up and grabbed his bag. "Thank you so much Mrs… Ehrm."

"Carole. And don't worry about it. And just so you know… we've got stomach flu on… my place so if you want to… had it? Okay, then let's go." I gestured towards the door. "Come on then."

**Sharon POV **

"Good morning."

Well, let's just say I hadn't had the best of nights!

"Still feeling sick?" Dad sat down on the bed and only the movement caused my stomach to churn again and I moaned. "Sorry Pumpkin."

"I'm okay." I took support against the wall and managed to push myself up. "Ugh. I didn't think stomach flu could get any worse than what it was. Being pregnant- I guess it could!" Dad tried to smile, but I could see the frown in his forehead and he reached forward to take my hand. "Where's mum?" Mum had been fussing over me every time I had woken up tonight- and yes, there were loads of times.

"She went to the hospital. Said she wanted to give you an IV to rehydrate you a bit." I sighed- I had already been able to keep fluid down. It couldn't go any faster than it could… "I know Shar." I hated needles. "And I know, but. It's for your own good." I didn't give him an answer, but laid one hand towards my belly and looked up towards the window. "And this time it's not only about you, you know."

I sighed- it wasn't much now that wouldn't remind me of how pregnant I was. I had 1,3 kilo baby curled up in my belly. It was hard to move at all. And the fact that I had only gotten to sleep up to forty five minutes at the time tonight before I would have woken up and started heaving- again! I was exhausted and the last few weeks I had gone into the nurse's office like in between every lesson to lay down and rest. And on top of that I also went to the bathroom like twenty times each lesson and people were noticing.

And they were noticing! Everywhere I went people were getting quiet and whispering behind my back. Oh and that part in that movie called Juno! Where first Juno has to push her way through the crowds in the hallway and then when she's heavily pregnant everyone moves out of the way? That part's very realistic.

"Are you okay Shar?"

Okay? Okay?

At this moment I was never okay! Two- no three of the things I needed to flipping survive was dancing, sushi and buckets of coffee. And I hadn't had neither for months. The only thing that I hoped would keep me somewhat sane in all of it was writing. And I couldn't even do that. I had no freaking inspiration. Nor any ideas!

"No."

That was whimpering. Big tears were starting to well up into my eyes and I had no way to stop them. Dad reached for the bucket down on the floor by my bed. I shook my head and gestured to him that it wasn't needed. But the crying wouldn't stop and in the end I was left sobbing my heart out. It felt like ages, but it can't have been very long before dad had pulled himself up on the bed so far he could hug me and hold me close to his chest, rocking me back and forth and shushing just like he had done when I was little and scraped my knee.

I just wanted this all to be over and done!

I could no longer stand everybody staring down on my belly, and then up at me with big eyes when they saw about what age I was. I couldn't stand being tired as f*ck all the time and having to go to the bathroom fifty seventy eleven times a day when even getting up and getting down again was hard enough already.

I was tired of having stated that I would keep the baby one minute. While the next minute adoption seemed like the best option while at the same time I had no idea what to do since if I was going to give him or her up for adoption I would need to find some suiting pair of parents not for the kid to end up with abusive or mental parents. Or just end up on a children's home with twenty other young children and he or she would never get what he needed.

I kind of wished that this whole thing would never have happened. Now more than ever. But then the thought hit me that this baby was already a part of me. I didn't know if it was a him or a her but whatever it was I loved this child so much I thought my heart would melt. I couldn't take away that could I?

The thought just had me breaking down again and while I broke down again dad just held me, rubbed my back and went 'there, there'

I made an attempt to pull myself out of his embrace. For his sake not mine. But it was like he knew I still just needed to be held like that because he didn't let me go. And at last I just sunk back into his embrace and let him hold me like that until it had stopped and I tiredly sat up and reached for a tissue on my bedside table to wipe the tears while dad was stroking my other hand with his thumb.

"Are you okay?"

"Mhm."

"Are you tired?"

"Mhm"

"Exhausted?"

"Mhm"

"Do you want to sleep again?"

"Mhm." Dad smiled and stood up. Then moved to the head of the bed where he sat so I could lean against his chest. But I hesitated. "You know you're gonna catch it right?" Dad nodded, but didn't move.

"If I would then I already have. Come here. Because you want to right?" Dad's eyes almost glittered. But I was getting too tired to lie and just nodded and dad reached up and almost pulled me down. Which wasn't so hard. "Come on then"

**Seth POV **

_No glee club this week guys _

_As you know, I've been out with stomach flu the whole weekend and until now. And half of the school's students are too so I don't think that glee club would be a much succeeded project. _

_However, you guys might have found out a house in Lima burnt to the ground during the weekend, That house, belonged to Mady, Benjamin, their mum Gabriella and a college guy named Brady. I have decided that on Saturday we'll all gather in the gym and I'll put it out on Facebook and hope that you guys can share and such that people can come there with old clothes and things they would need. _

_This goes for you too. No one's forced. But everybody are welcome to leave whatever they have to give. _

_And if somebody needs anything I'm no longer contagious so just come into my office at the library. _

_-Mr. Blaine _

"Ugh." I was walking next to Belle in the hallway and had read Mr. Blaine's status in the glee club's group on Facebook. "I can't believe I started all of that with coming to school on Tuesday. I wasn't feeling well and I should have stayed home."

"You didn't start it. And it's not your fault." I tried to assure her. "It's been going around for months, it just happened to get around at school at the exact same moment as you had it. And now… well, you had it eight days ago. And about half of the glee club have already had it and several others has it now…"

"Hopefully everyone in Finn's army will have had it by next week so we can start it again at least."

I laughed and patted Belle's shoulder. Then as we just kept walking through the hallways of McKinley on our way to the first lesson for the morning. I smiled slightly when she seemed to be thinking hard enough not to notice me. And smiled at the fact that we were back to being friends despite what she had done.

Lately I had tried to spend most time of actually trying to get Charlotte to notice me. Which didn't seem so hard since she seemed to notice me a lot. And Belle seemed to waste some time on a crush of her own. But today, not very surprising. Both of our crushes were out with either having the stomach flu or still out of just have had it.

"So who are out with it now, or have had it already- from the glee club I mean?"

Well… that was a weird question to ask!

"Mr. Blaine, all of the Ashton-Cooper's, Charlotte, Daniel, Sharon." For every new name that I told Belle moaned yet another time. "You of course, Bradon, Keagan, Jasper, Christie…"

"Oh no."

"And Lea-Marie."

"Oh no."

"The two last are gonna hate you forever now."

"But if Christie gets it, it should be worse than for others right. Thinking with the renal failure and that." I shrugged. "And actually… Christie and Lea kind of hates everybody. So maybe it won't make that much sense."

"Yeah I suppose. By the way, do you know that in Sweden there is a special stomach flu? It's called the winter vomiting sickness." Belle raised an eyebrow while we stopped outside my classroom. "And yes, that is because it spreads in the winter and makes you… yeah, you know." Belle raised an eyebrow again. "What? It's true. I very rarely get either that or regular stomach flu though so I try… well, not to worry too much."

"Sch! Knock on wood." This time it was my turn to raise an eyebrow and I didn't touch any wood. "Don't you know that if you say you won't get anything you will just get it like that? Only because of that you will?" Belle seemed dead serious but I barely let hear a short laugh and shook my head.

"I don't believe in such superstition. See you Belle!"

I didn't wait to hear what she had to say about it and just turned to the classroom and walked inside. But I must have been somewhat interfered with what Belle said. Because just as I had put my books on the desk and hung my backpack on the back of the chair I felt a sudden, light pain in my stomach at the same time as a wave of nausea hit me.

_No way!_

From the beginning I just shrugged it off with that I'd been too interfered of what Bella had told me- but I barely thought about it anyway. And it had disappeared as soon as I came so I just put my concentration onto the teacher's lecturing and tried to ignore the aching in my stomach.

"Hey mum." Already after the first class I had to call up mum. "Can you come and get me from school? I don't care about going by car right now I feel really ill… The stomach flu's been going around at school I think I caught it. Okay, see you in a minute."

"What did I tell you?"

I looked tiredly up at Belle who had come along and heard me talking to my mum, glared up at her and rested my head backwards against the wall, before I realized that since mum's work was so close to the school she would be here soon and I forced myself to get up onto my feet moaning and continuing to glare at Belle while I gathered enough of energy to answer her.

"So, you want to pull your jokes about how I said I don't get the stomach flu like an hour before I get it?" Belle looked at me with pity and shook her head. But she probably had something if I knew her right. "Come on then."

**Benjamin POV**

"Okay, I'm leaving now."

On Saturday it had been scheduled that everybody that had something to give for me, mum, Mady or Brady would come to the gym at school with the things that they would be able to give away to us. And I walked into the room the room that Mady and mum now shared- originally Mr. Lopez's, and made sure that they knew I was leaving earlier than them.

"Mhm"

Mady just moaned tiredly and turned in bed. Mum who laid on the other side of the bed, closer to the door looked up and showed me to come over. When I did she reached up and when I leaned down she touched my cheek tenderly with her lips.

"I'm so glad you're okay." Mum whispered. "Don't worry about those things or whatever started the fire. The most important thing is that we're together. That we're all safe." I nodded. And tried not to think about how the fire had started. "See you later Benny." I stood up and turned around. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Dakota's house where we lived now, was a lot closer to McKinley than what I had lived before. And even if I would have loved to stay in our house. But I had to say I wasn't too bad with the fact that I could walk to school. And while I walked, kind of cold since it was February the third and I had my jacket opened. I didn't even close it since the cold, the air clear and easy to breathe, and my breath turning to smoke when I breathed out. It just felt like one of those perfect moments to be alive.

The road was empty at nine at a Saturday morning. And I started humming softly on a song I liked. It felt as if that was the perfect one. Thinking about what happened on Sunday. How the fire had started, grabbing the few things I knew we'd just need. Grabbing Mady to pull her out when she tried to get her Charlie Brown. Then listening to her blood freezing shouts for him before I ran back into the house only so she would be happy.

But the song was about keeping someone safe. And if it would have meant I could have kept Mady safe. I would have done anything- including killed myself in the works. I still would, anything for her to be safe and happy even if for her it might not seem like it would ever get better again.

I continued humming all the way to school before I went into the gym where Mr. Blaine sat on the bleachers but otherwise it was empty, but it was still half an hour before we had told people that would have something to give to come. So I just took a library book that Mr. Blaine had brought to kill off some time. And sat down to read to make the time go by.

"You have got nothing against Cincinnati reds do you?" Martina came a few minutes before it had started and held up a couple of bags with things and I shook my head. "Great, my dad used to play for it, I told him about this and." She threw me one of the bags. "Each one holds a hoodie, a T-shirt, a pair of sweatpants, a pair of pyjama pants and socks. There's one bag for you, one for your mum and one for Mady." Mady lit up and took her bag, but I noticed she still looked tired and decided not to leave that be just yet. "And… this."

"Oh thank you." I took the teddy bear in a Cincinnati reds' shirt that Martina reached me. "Mady will love this. After all, she used to have a big collection of these. She can pretty much buy any stuffed animal she wants now. She needs to re-build it doesn't she? Haha, Dakota have got this huge teddy bear. It's like twice my size. And Mady have kind of taken it from him." Martina laughed. "Oh well, he doesn't mind. And if it makes her happy after all of this…"

I didn't finish the sentence, but knew Martina would understand anyway. And she smiled, nodded and sat down next to me. We started playing rocks, paper, scissors in wait for seeing if anyone else would come. But nobody came so we went over to her teaching me one clapping game after the others. Until at last Daniel came through the doors just as Mr. Blaine came back into the hall with sandwiches and yoghurts that he handed us to all of us with each bottle of coke or Fanta.

"Hey guys." Just as we started eating Daniel came into the hall and I put my things down. "Here." He handed me three packs of some kind of iPod's. "Dad works for apple, he always comes home with random stuff. Those came out in like 2012 so it's not new things. But they haven't been used, just lying in a box in my room. So I figured I might as well give them to you." I held up the red one. "Yep. Red for you and pink for Mady. Then I just took the grey one for your mum. I know you like listening to music but hey… you should also like looking at the thing. And…" He pulled up a few packs of headphones and threw them to me. "You also need something to listen to them with. Hey Mady. Are you tired today?"

Mady for sure did look tired, when she sat down next to me and pulled her new jacket off. But she didn't say much more about it. And I knew Mady- if she was fine she would tell me, if she wasn't, she'd tell. So she was probably just a bit tired like Daniel had asked for.

"We planned to do a song. I and Daniel."

Martina had stated that already before I would have told them that Mady had planned a song of her own. And I showed Mady to wait while Martina got her and Daniel each plastic cup and they sat on the floor, Daniel started singing, and then they went into singing together when they started lifting the cups and clapping into the rhythm of the song.

I looked down at Mady, knowing that if I was impressed of this- and I was! Mady should be over the moon, but right now. I got really worried for her, and I couldn't even let it go when Mady started singing on her favorite song when Martina and Daniel had finished.

Mady stopped singing in the middle of the song and I couldn't help to notice what it was. How could I have missed it? I quickly cupped one of my hands and held it in front of her mouth while I reached for one of the bags that Martina had brought and tried to get the things out of them. Not that any of it helped when Mady threw up and started crying, only to throw up again two seconds later- oh this darn stomach flu!

"Here." At last Martina herself shook all of the things out of the bag and handed it to me so I could hold it in front of Mady, of course just as she was finished and I sighed, then rubbed her back and got onto my feet glancing over the things that had been brought. "I can bring it to school later." I nodded. "Aw, Mady. Can I help you with anything? Do you want… here, here." Martina took her coke bottle and handed it to Mady, who just shook her head and cried. "Bad?" She mimed towards me, and I nodded- Mady loved all kinds of fizzy drinks and would never say no unless she felt like… well, like she was feeling right now!

"Do you need a ride back home?" Mr. Blaine asked in a distressed voice but I shook my head and lifted Mady up after pulling my jacket around her, leaving hers behind so it would be easier to carry. "Really…. Are you sure?"

"I'm sure… it will only take a ten minutes or so… I'm sorry… can you…" I gestured towards the bleacher, but didn't have the guts to ask them to clean up. But Mr. Blaine just nodded as if it was the clearest thing in the world. "Thanks. See you!"

With that and with Mady on my hip I walked out of the gym, out of the school and down the road. I really had been thinking it wasn't that far. But by the time we were finally home my eyes felt like they were falling off when I could finally put Mady in bed. Asked Diego and Mr. Lopez to get towels and a bucket, and asked Mady myself if there was anything she needed.

"I want Charlie. I need Charlie Brown."

"Sorry… You can't have him right now, you might get sick on him… but you can always pretend he's here with you." Mady started whimpering and I knew she really needed her teddy… but there was nothing I could do about it and Mady was drifting off to sleep anyway. Soon sleeping tightly on the towel Diego had brought.

"BENJAMIN." I heard Diego's voice. "THERE'S SOMEONE AT THE DOOR TO SEE YOU." I hesitated, but heard his footsteps coming closer. "Here, I can stay with Mady. There's somebody at the door who needs to talk to you eye to eye. And she won't leave…" I sighed, but stood up and walked down the hallway to the front door.

"Hey Carole." I leaned against the door frame. "You know, stomach flu is in the house. You might not want to…"

"Oh puh-lease Benji. If I even could get it I would have had it at least thirty times already." She held up a letterman jacket with McKinley's colors and held it to me. "It might be a bit too big. But I figured you might need it anyway." I took it and held it up, then pulled it on. As she had said it was too big, but I just smiled. Although- once I realized who this must have belonged to my smile faded.

"Finn's!"

Carole nodded, but it hadn't even been a question. The letterman jacket had been her now dead son's and when I looked down on it again it suddenly didn't feel as comfortable as it had two seconds ago so I just pulled it off and handed it back to her.

"I can't take it."

"Oh yes you can." Carole pushed my hand back towards me still holding onto the jacket. "Finn will never have any more use for it. I will never have any use for it. I will never have any use for it. We had a long discussion in my whole family the other night- including with Mr. Schuester, the coach for the glee club… yeah, you've heard of him. You get my point. You need it more than I or any of us others." While she was talking I had almost forced her to take it but now she held it back towards me. "I'm not going until you've taken it... Come on then."

**So… The stomach flu have been spreading like… well, like a disease. Dakota is back with his family and Brady for the moment lives with Carole and them but won't be doing so for very long. Sharon is sick and tired of being pregnant and had caught it her too. Her dad is sweet though but she didn't seem so sure about what she wants to do when the baby is born. Seth doesn't get the stomach flu, except when he does and Belle thinks it's her fault that it's spreading. They didn't get in much things for the Heedie's. But Mady got ill too. And Benjamin is obviously keeping some secrets about how the fire actually started. And then the chapter ends with Carole giving him Finn's old letterman jacket. **

**Playlist**

Benjamin- Safe- Westlife  
Daniel/ Martina- Things we lost in the fire- Bastille  
Mady- Tomorrow- Annie

**Dakota's family is dad Alejandro portrayed by Adam Rodriguez, and his brothers from the oldest to the youngest are Luis portrayed by Ramón Rodriguez, Diego portrayed by Carlos PenaVega, Christian portrayed by Jake T. Austin and Javier portrayed by Avan Jogia. They're all made by babygleefan11 Mady is portrayed by Sarah Grace Morris, Gabriella Heedie by Gabrielle Reece and Brady by Zach Roerig. Alexey is portrayed by Eddie Redmayne. Oh and yeah, Mady's teddy bear Charlie Brown is portrayed by my teddy Bamse. Sharon's dad Adam is portrayed by Patrick Dempsey and is written by yonna9queen. Laura- Seth's mum is portrayed by Ellen Pompeo and written by GleeJunkie007. Mark- Martina's dad is portrayed by Rob Thomas and made by Riana Salvatore. Daniel's dad- Stephen is portrayed by Stephen Root. **

**And in case anyone wonders, yes, my teddy Bamse is real. I've had him since he was bigger than me in size, he wears a blue and mint- green- ish shirt I knitted when I was eleven, I love him. He is my best friend- And I wanted to give him a part in something. In case anyone wonders about his name- Bamse means Teddy in Norwegian. So? Have we got that sorted out? Have everyone understood that I did this because I wanted to and not because anyone needed it? Great! See you! **

**And the winter vomiting sickness is way too real. So don't come to Sweden in February, or November, or December, or January or March, some years not October nor April neither. Then you should be fine! **

**Well, I have a question for you. What do you think I look like? (One friend of mine did this and I was curious) Am I tall? Am I short? Skinny, fat? Hair color? Eye color? Do I have glasses? Am I white, black, Asian or a mix of all of them? Guess away. Maybe I've got big yellow glasses, purple eyes, green skin and eight legs? Okay maybe not…**

**I just thought of the fact that you already know I'm white since I'm in the cover picture. You can also see about which size I am (Although maybe not how tall/ short) but what about the rest? I guess I'll wait for your guesses and then answer in the next chapter. And you only see my upper body in the picture- I could still have eight legs! **

**And to those who read in the A/N in the last chapter. I did hold that lecture a couple weeks ago and it went amazing. **

**Random fact**

I was actually thinking of putting a part in the chapter where they come into the hospital from Mady's point of view how the fire started. But I decided to keep it as a mystery and so it will stay for a bit. I guess only to hold you readers on hold for another thing hahaha.


	33. Oh Christie

**So, in the last chapter's A/N's I asked you how would you think I looked like? And yes, I understood someone would tell me blonde and blue eyed since hey! I'm Scandinavian Duh! Haha. No but, my eyes are green, but they can look blue- ish in some lights even though they're actually really, really green. And my hair's a mix of blonde- almost golden, dark blonde and light brown. I can never tell which hair color I actually do have- but I can tell that it's long enough for me to constantly get my fringe in my eyes (it goes to my shoulder at its longest) and wavy. So, now when we've got that part covered! **

**I'm quite tall, pale, freckly and have got glasses. But not big yellow ones or turquoise, just… really, plain red- brown normal bows with some kind of pattern… I don't know how to explain it- perfectly normal glasses that I always forget to clean off! And that's what I look like. So that's it for you who wanted to know the right answers. But it ended up a lot longer than what I planned so now I'll just let you get to the chapter. **

**This week in glee will be split into two chapters, this one and the next. This chapter is short, I don't know how long next one will be. **

**Christie POV **

So. The week had come!

I had been counting down the weeks from New Year's night when I had finally told Carole what I was feeling to the week in the beginning of February when my birthday would come and now when it was here I was surer than ever that I just couldn't keep holding on anymore.

On Monday I as usual went on dialysis after school. But I had made up my mind, first of all I was not going to school this week. After the stomach flu last week I was just too tired to do mostly anything. Burt had purchased in a new- but second hand TV that he had put in my room and I spent my days on my bed or on the couch watching the Violetta-series, ghost whisperer and Harry Potter.

Second of all, I'd decided and made up with the nurses that I would come to the hospital early in the morning and after that I would either get a new kidney or die and yeah everybody knew how realistic it would be to get that kidney so… I guess I just wouldn't get a new kidney.

As now so many times before, I brought the special dinner Carole had made for me upstairs and sat down into the sofa and started eating. Just a few weeks ago, I had been angry and hungry since I could only eat a certain amount of protein a day. And then I couldn't eat enough of anything which, made me hungry and angry.

But now I couldn't even eat half of it before I was stuffed, put the tray down in the sofa, then got into black fleece pyjama pants with print of loads of white hearts- cheesy I know! And what I thought was Burt's biggest T- shirt. He could get it back some other time, and he wouldn't mind anyway so I just crawled into the bed and put on a ghost whisperer episode, which was put on pause when Carole came into the room.

"I know what you want." I told her before she had had the time to say anything. "And I'm not changing my mind. I don't want to fight anymore. I just want it all to be over and we agreed that I'd fight until my birthday on Wednesday. So I'll be going again on Wednesday morning and then I'm done." Carole sighed. "That won't help! It's seven in the morning by the way, can you give me a ride. I know your shift starts then."

"Yes and yes." Carole sighed yet another time and came to sit down next to me on the edge of the bed. "I know you're tired Christie. But a new kidney could just as well come for you tomorrow. You're the strongest person I know. Please don't give up now."

"I'm not. I just can't do it anymore."

"You've come such a long way."

"And that's why I'm too tired to do it anymore."

"Chris?"

"No."

"Please Fi…"

"I'm not Finn"

"Please Christie… just give it a little bit more time."

"Carole, I've been giving it almost eight years. That's more than half my life. I'm sick and tired of people fussing and I'm sick and tired of people trying to make all decisions for me. I'm just sick and tired of everything. So I'm just not doing it any more. I can't do it anymore. Please Carole."

"Oh…" Carole sighed, deeply and shakily before she answered. While I laid looking up at her. Right into her eyes knowing that with Finn's eyes there was no way she could tell me no. Not even on this."

"Okay." She whispered at last, I closed my eyes and couldn't help to feel relieved before I heard her moving and felt her tenderly push a tress of my hair out of my face and over my head. "Okay… I… I'll go call Stephen."

Dad? As if he'd care!

I laid my head down on the pillow, I would mostly have trouble falling asleep because of shaken leg syndrome and achy muscles- oh the joy with having renal failure! And it was despite the talk I had just had with my aunt Carole. Or maybe because that we had just had it so I knew at least this wasn't going to go on for much longer. And for once I was quickly drifting off to sleep. Although it happened slow enough for me to hear that Carole had stopped in the doorway between my room and the hall and now came tip- toeing back to my bed and I felt the mattress move when she sat down and started stroking my hair. Then her whisper, only barely loud enough for me to hear.

"Oh Christie."

**Martina POV**

_Sorry I didn't post anything yesterday. Come to the choir room as usual today after the last class. I need to talk to you all. _

_-Mr. Blaine. _

I frowned at what I read in the Finn's army Facebook group on Tuesday. The things with reading stuff like this was that you could never hear the way someone was saying it. But what Mr. Blaine had said this week seemed to have a distressed tone in it and I wasn't so sure where I got it from.

That feeling of something being wrong couldn't let go of me all day. And I just couldn't think of something else that could occupy me enough to make it go away. In one way I didn't want the afternoon to come too fast. I had a feeling we would get bad news that would change everything. But at the same time I couldn't wait for it since nothing felt word than not knowing at all.

I didn't realize the feeling was telling me right until I walked into the choir room in the afternoon. Esme, Seth and Belle already sat around. But I didn't notice Mr. Blaine until I sat down in the chair and jumped when I suddenly noticed Mr. Blaine sat on the floor with his back against one of the piano's legs and his head in his hands.

"Mr. Blaine…" I tried hesitating. "Are you okay? Is there something…"

"I'll tell you once everybody are here."

Mr. Blaine's voice was thick and broken. Nothing like it would sound otherwise, and I sat down again just as Charlotte came jumping with her crutches and Seth came right after. But I was too concentrated on whatever it was Mr. Blaine was so destroyed about to wonder about their relationship. And it seemed like the others in the room were following that example.

One after one the soldiers of Finn's army came in, and I was shaking my leg moving it up and down in stress. Couldn't just everybody arrive soon so we could all know what was going on? Well… they could. Because the last ones to come was Lea- Marie throwing with her long dark hair, and we were told why when Daniel hurried in just after.

"Are everybody here?" Mr. Blaine glanced over the group and counted us. But didn't move from his spot on the floor "Christie's not coming so don't wonder about her… And yes, you're all here so… No point with dragging out on it since I want you all to know…"

When Mr. Blaine put his head in his hands again, wrapped his fingers in the thick, black curls and shook with suppressed sobs my bad feeling was worse than ever- what on earth could be hurting him so badly?

I wasn't so sure I wanted to know anymore.

"Christie's given up."

The room fell silent and no one seemed sure about what to say. Actually, no one seemed sure about what Mr. Blaine had even meant but I had a terrible feeling and thought what Christie had given up on that I hoped with all that I had it was wrong.

"What do you mean?" Jasper was the first one gathering enough courage to ask. "She hasn't… has she?"

"Christie… said on New Year's night that she's just too tired to fight anymore… Carole talked to her and Christie agreed to go on with dialysis until her birthday… her birthday's on Wednesday. She went on dialysis yesterday. And is going to another one tomorrow morning. But unless she gets a new kidney within the next few days she… she will be gone before the end of this week."

Silence fell over the room once again and no one seemed to be sure what to say. Or if they should say anything. Daniel, who sat next to me had followed Mr. Blaine's example and sat with his head in his hands.

"Maybe if I… If I…" Daniel stuttered. "… I told her… my kidney… One more time."

"No, Daniel." Mr. Blaine seemed to think that that only made it harder. "We have tried absolutely everything. It doesn't help.- Either she will get a new kidney- from a dead person within the next few days or…" Mr. Blaine didn't finish the sentence but got onto his feet and gestured for us to get up. "Come on, group hug."

Sometimes it wasn't enough when a person would tell you to keep holding on, you needed a touch and someone to hold you up. So when we all stood like that- I with one arm around Daniel's shoulders and the other one around Charlotte's. And while several sobs were heard over and over I noticed Daniel was trembling- but very, very quietly.

"Hey." I decided to talk to him after the glee club even though it would end up with me getting on the wrong bus and I slumped down on the seat next to him dropping my bag by his on the floor. "Are you okay?"

Okay? OKAY?

Seriously! How stupid was I?

"Yeah, fine."

Very stupid it seemed like.

"I know you're not."

"Why ask if you're not gonna believe me anyway?"

This wasn't like Daniel!

None of this was like Daniel. For one thing he would always be so properly dressed. Now he had unbuttoned the two top buttons in his shirt, his tie hang his around his neck without being tied at all, and the lower part of his shirt was hanging outside of his jeans. For another thing he was always polite, the only time I had heard him using such a rude tone before was when Carole, Mr. Blaine and Christie had tried to get out of him what had happened to…

Wait!

What had happened to his sister?

What had happened to Angelica!

"Oh, Daniel…. But it's not too late yet is it… you could try and talk to her, talk her into giving her yours and she'll live. Won't she?"

"There's no point Marti. She won't accept it. And things will only get harder."

How dared that girl hurt my best friend like that?

"Oh Christie."

**Carole POV **

"Tess, there's no point." I told Christie's mum- my sister in law through the phone on Wednesday. "She doesn't want to. I have already tried everything to make her change her mind. We can't do it anymore. It will only make things harder and Christie's old enough to make the decision on her own." I could hear Tess breathe in and knew her voice would break when she started saying something just as I could hear Christie throwing up.

"I gotta go." I hung up before Tess could protest and hurried up the stairs and into Christie's room. "Okay, okay." Christie laid in her bed, hanging over the bucket on the floor and her hands and arms busy with holding her up towards the bedside table and the side of the bed so I sat down and held away her hair and used the other hand to rub her back.

"Okay, okay. You're okay. Get it all out, just relax." Christie just continued heaving and I knew she was annoyed with me. "You're okay."

Christie had gone a lot more ill since the stomach flu last week, and wouldn't get out of bed much. She had been for dialysis from seven to eleven a.m. today. But more strictly than ever told us that she wouldn't do it again. She would be throwing up like this at least a couple times a day, and for the first time I didn't have the heart to tell her to continue with doing it.

"Okay, okay." When Christie stopped heaving and laid down on her back I reached for the bucket. "It's okay. I'll be back in just a second." I didn't want to leave her. But it was only her and I home- since I had left work no matter what anyone thought about it to take Christie home. "And… Oh! Geez Burt. Don't scare me like that." I didn't mind him standing in the hallway and continued towards the bathroom, but heard him following me.

"You okay?"

"Mhm."

"Christie?"

"The same."

"And…"

Burt stopped talking and I flinched and looked up when a loud beeping went through the house from Fi… Christie's room. I recognized it. But first I couldn't place it- then it hit me, with all power at once. It was the same noise as the doctor's pagers, only louder. Which meant that Christie's pager had went on which meant… I ran over to her room.

"No, no." I checked the pager that had lit up with the hospital calling that they had a new kidney for her but Christie protested. "No, I don't want to. I don't want a new kidney. Let me die, just let me die." The afraid tone in Christie's voice had me stopping and while she continued trying to push me away I stroke her cheek.

"Christie…"

"No."

"Christie don't be scared…"

"I'm not."

"Christie."

"No."

"CHRISTIE PLEASE… I can't lose another child."

I had said it before I'd had the time to stop myself. And I froze just at the same time as Christie did and she hesitated for a few seconds.

"If my life sucks after this. I'll blame you. Okay?"

With tears rising in my eyes I nodded, and barely noticed that I shouted for Burt to come quicker. That he came in, wrapped his own jacket around the small teenager and lift her up over his shoulder where I followed closely behind and watched right into her eyes- Finn's eyes. Until she looked away, and I just followed until she spoke.

"Dad… Dad didn't throw me out because I was ill." I stopped, in the middle of the living room towards the hallway and frowned towards Christie who still hung over Burt's shoulder. "If I tell you what it is later. Will you throw me out then?"

Nope- but I'd probably kill my brother for doing that to her!

"Oh Christie."

**So, Christie gave up at last, Daniel's miserable, Christie's really ill. But now it looks like she will get a new kidney- unless her body have broken down so to the point there's no turning back and surgery will kill her. Like something must have killed somebody else so she can get that kidney. And in the very last second it's revealed that the illness wasn't the reason her dad threw her out… oh my! **

**Christie's dad Stephen Kyemohr is portrayed by Regan Burns. Tess- Christie's mum is portrayed by Camryn Manheim. **

**Random fact **

Christie's birthday is February the seventh. Some of you may know that writing syoc characters I often put that as their birthday. Why? February the seventh of all days? Is it my birthday? Nope! It's not my birthday. But it's an important day to me. I won't write here why. But if you're curious or just want to know why, write it in a review or PM and I'll tell you.


	34. Keep holding on

**Things have been hard lately. Things have been hard this whole year. But it's finally getting to a point where I can actually control things- or maybe not things happening but sort of… Gah! I don't know how to explain it. But I have got a story based on some things that have happened the last few months. If anyone wants to read it, I have made a story where Mercedes goes through some of the things that I have been as 'rehab' for myself. It's called stand by me. And you can find it on my profile (Duh!) But again, if you don't want to that's fine too of course. **

**So. Here we are again. This is as you have probably figured the second part of Christie's birthday week. And as it looks like- birthday kidney… Will she live? Well, I'll just let you get to the chapter and find out! **

**Daniel POV **

It felt wrong, oh so very wrong to have a glee club meeting on what was Christie's birthday and the day she would officially give up on everything. But Mr. Blaine had been coming in just for a short while and it seemed like someone was expecting me to do a song- we were so lucky I had been planning one.

"Well…" Well in front of all the others I started talking and handed the sheet music to Mr. Dom while he grabbed the acoustic guitar. "…I guess like so often every piece of lyrics doesn't fit but we both liked this song so…" I had to stop talking to get to take a few deep breaths during the intro not for my voice to break when the singing started.

_I don't mind it. I don't mind at all… _

I swore mentally at myself for having chosen to sing the first verse and refrain on my own. Martina would take the second verse and then I had almost forgotten everything except for the second version we were singing together. But once those parts of the song came, somehow I remembered what parts I was singing and for some reason we managed to get through the song.

"Hrm…" Mr. Blaine cleared his throat and didn't seem too sure what to say even after like ten minutes of complete silence. That two seconds before his phone called. "Mhm." He answered the phone without checking who was calling. Then suddenly his eyes grew big and he sat up straight. "Wh- what? Oh yeah, yes. I'm coming right away." Before hanging up first Mr. Blaine grabbed his bag. "See you in five…" He seemed stressed out of his mind when he turned to us. "Apparently Christie's getting a new kidney."

I stopped in the middle of whatever movement and looked to Mr. Blaine, my chin dropped and for a split moment I was certain that the whole renal failure thing was lying. This would be way too much of a miracle. And miracles didn't happen!

"Daniel, do you want to come?"

I barely knew myself what I was answering. And hearing myself answering yes sounded weirdly muffled as if I was hearing it from the other side of a wall before I quickly grabbed my bag and ran after Mr. Blaine through the hallway.

We more or less jumped into the driver's seat and the passenger seat in his car and barely had we gotten in until Mr. Blaine who seemed to be doing all at once had gotten the keys in and hit the gas so hard the gravel flew around the tires before he skid out of the parking lot and I just had to hold on for dear life.

"So…" I had barely noticed how out of breath until I and Mr. Blaine ran up and were finally caught up with Burt and Kurt in the hospital hallway "…What on earth happened? What's going on? What's gonna happen now?"

"Well…" Burt seemed confused and not too sure what to say. "…Her pager started beeping so they obviously have a new kidney for her. She needs to get washed off with some certain whatever soap before surgery and into some scrubs so Carole's with her now and… Here they come."

I had seen many times seen how incredibly small Christie was. But it was like I hadn't gotten the full picture of exactly how tiny she was until I saw her in that hospital bed half-awake being pushed towards the OR for a kind of surgery that would hopefully save her life. Even though none of us could ignore the fact that after all of this time her body might be too broken down to survive the narcosis.

Carole was crying I could tell even though she had her face buried in Burt's shirt and he had his arms wrapped around her. Burt himself seemed to have a hard time not to and Kurt and Blaine stood together talking too quietly for me to hear and I shoved my hands into my pockets and tried to seem like I didn't care about anything leaning back against the wall.

Waiting was the worse, once I was standing like that. The next moment I sat on the floor and there the next in one of the chairs. I tried pulling some homework out of my bag and do it to make the time go by faster. But when I had read the first sentence over and over for the last ten minutes without understanding a word I realized it wouldn't work and put it down into my bag again.

Every time the door by the waiting room opened we all looked up. Then looked to Carole since she would be the only one to recognize the doctor or whoever would come to tell us how the surgery went. But every time Carole sighed and rested her head back towards Burt's shoulder while he played with her hair… Until about three hours later.

"Dr. Graham." When a curly- haired man came through the doors Carole startled and got onto her feet. "How is she?"

It felt like ages before he answered.

"…She's gonna be just fine. That small girl has got a lot of fighting in her." Dr. Graham pulled his scrubs hat off and scratched his head. "Believe me, if she has kept holding on for this long then she is never going to die!"

Mr. Blaine was laughing with relief and while I just leaned back against the wall I could see Carole and Burt hugging each other tightly and Kurt and Blaine hugging them both from each side. A brief moment I was thinking about calling up my dad right away and tell him this story had ended happily different from Angelica's. But knowing that you couldn't use phones in this part of the hospital I decided against it, sunk down onto the floor and put my head in my hands.

Before I knew it I was shaking with violent but silent sobs. Hoping that the Hudmel's weren't going to notice- they had enough with themselves anyway I fought to keep quiet and didn't look up. And I could have stayed there in my naïve state- but oh no! Not with Carole Hudson- Hummel right there!

"Hey, come here." She had gotten down onto her knees by me and tenderly laid a hand towards my back before she pulled me close. "It's okay. Sch, sch, sch. It will be okay."

I had never been crying like that before, and certainly not with anyone just holding me like that not taking for granted that I'd quit with a very close future. Maybe that was why I just exploded and sobbed my heart out.

"She's still asleep and you're actually not allowed more than two people visiting a patient at once." Dr. Graham was really, really blurry when I looked up and my heart sank when I realized I would have to go home to an empty house again. "But screw the rules… come with me." I stood up quickly and grabbed my bag before I started walking after the others…

Until I was interrupted and stopped by a girl I very much recognized coming through one of the doors further into the hospital towards where a sign that said recovery room… Hold on! What on earth was Belle Jolie doing here? And what on earth was Belle Jolie doing here along with her dad and brother?

**Belle POV**

Walking through the hospital towards the surgery recovery after whatever nurse my heart was beating harder than ever.

Just fifteen minutes ago I had been sitting on my bed with a sketch block and some pencils. Everything had seemed to be just another day. I had heard Lenny in the hallway on his way to Shauna's and dad had been with a bottle in front of the TV as usual. Then the phone had called and suddenly I just had had the weirdest feeling that something was wrong- very wrong.

And here we were, knowing that mum had been in a car crash and not knowing if she was okay or if she wasn't or even if she was alive.

"Here she is." The nurse pushed aside a curtain that hung around a bed on which mum laid. "They had to put a drain into her lung that was collapsed to help her breathe. She's got some injuries on her head, chest and abdomen. She's in a coma now. But they think she's going to be just fine. I'll leave you here. If there's anything you need just push that red button on the wall and someone will be here." The nurse patted my shoulder and then left closing the curtain after her.

I had frozen, so had Lenny and dad. On the bed mum was unconscious attached to chords and wires. With a machine that showed her vitals and beeped with her every heartbeat on the right. By which I sat down at last and Lenny pushed dad's wheelchair for him to be next to me before Lenny himself walked around the bed still in silence.

There were beeping, muffled voices and someone's cries all around. But right here, with me and my dad and brother everything seemed silent and awfully quiet and… Damn it, I didn't want it to be this way. The last time I had seen mum this morning she had been so excited for a full day out with her best friend…. Oh if I could only have stopped her… but how could I have stopped that excitement well I couldn't and…

"Bells." Dad weakly called out for me in a broken voice. "Moments like these they kind of make you think… things… I think I… I did know all along that the way I've been treating the both of you very, very wrong. But I'm an old man and I was raised never to admit that I was wrong but… I want you to know Bella that… whatever happens here. I have always loved you and I will always love you. So don't you ever doubt that okay?"

I wasn't so sure what to answer. Dad had hurt me so much. And here begging for forgiveness he was still making everything about him. But after all, he was still my dad. Could I carry grudge to him? When he was one of the ones to bring me to life? And I could almost see some sort of regret in dad's tear filled eyes while he moved his hand from stroking mum's and put both of his into his lap wjoöe I was playing with her hair.

"I'll stop drinking. F*ck, life is too damn short for putting that terrible, terrible junk in your body. The moment your mother gets out of here I will quit drinking and I will never drink another drop of alcohol. Never! Ever. And if you ever meet that mum of the guy that I… that I hit then… then tell her I'm sorry." Dad started sobbing and when he spoke yet a few more sentences his voice was hoarse and broken. "I never meant to hurt her. I never meant to hurt anybody. I'm so, so sorry. I love you. I love the both of you so much and I always will no matter what…"

Dad broke down completely and I looked helplessly up at Lenny who seemed just as helpless as I did. Then Lenny looked to dad who sat with his head hanging and nodded slightly. He was crying as well I could tell. Even though I could also tell he was trying to remain strong for me and dad.

"Okay dad… It's okay. I… I forgive you… Bella?..." He looked to me just as helpless as before and shrugged slightly. "We are a family and… it's what mum would have wanted." His voice broke and while holding mum's hand tight he wiped his tears with the other while I hesitated.

"Okay." I whispered at last. "I love you too dad."

"Thank you Bella." I barely even heard dad's voice when it broke again. "Thank you. I know I don't deserve it."

"Please wake up mum." I whispered under my breath, took her hand and rubbed hers with my thumb. "Please. I know you can so… you just need to hold on… you just need to hold on and open your eyes and… keep holding on… just… please hold on. Please keep holding on…"

…_Please… _

**Christie POV **

The first thing I was aware of what felt like only a split second after the surgery nurse had held a mask over my face and I was worried they would do the surgery with me awake since I couldn't feel anything was pain.

My groin hurt, so did my head. But I wasn't awake enough yet to realize that the groin was because when you got a kidney transplant they would put the new kidney there and not care about the ones in your gut. And so I could have realized the headache was a side effect from the narcosis. Also, if I had been conscious enough I was at the recovery in the hospital- they could just have given me more painkillers and as well. I would probably have known that if I opened my eyes everything would be light, and it would make my head hurt even more.

"Ah crap." I croaked when the bright light of that damn hospital lamp hit my eyes- even though I didn't realize it was the lamp. "Am I dead?"

"No Christie." No matter how conscious or unconscious I was I recognized my aunt Carole's voice and knew it was her fingers stroking my cheek and taking my hand. Her touch was warm and even though I didn't exactly feel cold, I just had a strange feeling that I was and it was badly- because my whole body was shaking.

"Burt…" I could hear Carole's voice but knew she wasn't talking to me even though I was still too unconscious to understand what she was saying. "Go and find a nurse, they can find a heat- up blanket." I heard an answer. "Daniel…"

I didn't hear what Carole said to Daniel even though I knew perfectly well who she was talking to. It didn't feel weird he was here now but suddenly everything came crashing down on me as the memories of what had happened right before we came to the hospital filled my head.

The hardest the one of what I had told Carole right before we left.

I forced myself to open my eyes and looked up at Carole, hoping that she wouldn't remember what I did right before I was taken to the hospital. Not ask what had been the real reason dad threw me out. I was pretty sure my aunt wouldn't do the same but what if she would?

Even in all of the thinking and worrying I could feel my eyelids closing again and I couldn't fight enough to keep them open. Especially not when someone came in and put a paper blanket over me, then started something that would heat the whole piece.

"It's okay Christie." Carole stroke my hand with her thumb. "You can fall back asleep. I know you're tired."

I couldn't help it, I was too tired and my eyelids were too heavy to keep holding on to consciousness. And with how soft and warm Carole's voice sounded like always- well, there wasn't a chance she was angry now.

Even though she might be when I told her why. So I'd rather keep holding onto that secret for as long as I possibly could.

**Keagan POV **

_There's been a lot going on this week. For us all, you don't have to. But everyone who feel like they can and have the energy to can come to the choir room just after the end of the school day today. I'll be there and there's a song I want you to try. But like I said- if you don't feel you can't. Then don't. Really, don't. _

_-Mr. Blaine _

I had had my phone lying in my locker all day. Not to see yet another text message from my dad about something he suggested that I or we could do after school and glee club. Or about going to the stables again or anything. He was starting to get annoying or more likely, he was really annoying. But having the phone away had also meant that I didn't see what Mr. Blaine had written to the Finn's army's soldiers until it would be only about ten seconds or so until it started.

But it didn't really matter, if I had a choice I wasn't going to it anyway.

I had heard pretty much every reaction to Alma dying as was possible. Everything from 'I'm so sorry' to 'it's okay. She was just a horse after all' And by now everything I really wanted to do was to go home, lie down on my bed and stare into the ceiling. It didn't make sense- but without my Alma so did nothing!

"Come on." Bradon had come up just as I pulled out the math books of my locker and put them in my bag. "I know you don't feel like doing anything but that's no reason to just lock yourself up.."

"I'm not coming."

"And do nothing."

"I'm going home."

"Come on Keagan."

"No."

I had started walking through the hallway towards the front doors while Bradon spoke to me hoping that he would stop by the doors to the glee club room and just go inside. He stopped and I sighed not knowing what else to do before Bradon made his voice heard again.

"Alma was your best friend. Best friends out of every kind wants you to be happy. Even without them."

I stopped in the middle of a move and stood there hesitating for several seconds. He was right though and the only one who had ever known me better than what Alma had done was Bradon himself who I could see bit his lip when I turned around and faced him.

"Fine then!"

Without another word I stomped past him and walked into the choir room. Since I had been a minute or two late I had expected everyone except for Christie to be there but the only ones in there were Mr. Blaine who looked up from some sheet music and smiled at me and Bradon when we came in, and Charlotte who seemed to be trying to find a way on how to support the crutches against her chair, which I could figure only was an excuse not to have to greet me and Bradon.

"So." Mr. Blaine left his sheet music book on the piano and came walking when we had sat down and Charlotte had just simply laid her crutches on the floor in front of her. "Christie's still in hospital, Daniel refuses to leave her side… I guess it'll just be…" Mr. Blaine was answered. "Oh, hello Seth. And hello Dakota… and hello Sharon." One after one they dropped in.

"So… we're si… Hello Benjamin and hello Mady."

"We're eight the… hello Jasper…"

During barely a couple of minutes Mr. Blaine started talking, only to be interrupted within a second when the choir room door opened again, then again, then again. And at last everybody except for Daniel and Christie seemed to be there.

"…And hello Martina… So, I guess everybody's here." Mr. Blaine glanced over the group- even Lea- Marie was here even though she had been one of the last ones to arrive. "Hey, can I just ask a question? I know both Daniel and Christie did it too but how many of you here today did catch that stomach flu?"

Belle moaned, and by the look on her face she probably thought it was all her fault from being the first one here to have it. But I had had it too and I knew I for sure didn't blame her, I hadn't before and neither did I now while I raised my hand along with most of the others. Everybody in the room except for just a few of the soldiers did.

"So not Esme, Martina or Dakota. But apart from that everybody including Kayla, Jonas and Dom…"

"Oh yeah… I puked like a…"

"Dom, no one wants any details."

"And Mady… wow that thing was contagious!"

"Are you okay now Mady?" Martina asked turning to the younger girl who nodded happily. "Benjamin?"

"As good as new."

"Well, it's good you're okay," Martina took a plastic bag she had had on the floor next to her chair and stood up to turn around and face the two Heedie's. "We know you guys lost almost all of your things in the fire so… We gathered a bit of money between all of us and…" Martina pulled up one shirt of the bag and handed it to Benjamin. "And here's one for you…" She handed the second T- shirt to Mady. "Unfold them they have both got fun prints."

"Mine says 'Am I rocking this extra chromosome or what'"

"Mine says 'People say I have ADHD but I don't think I… look! A squirrel'" Benjamin let hear a short laugh. "That's funny. I actually almost exactly that once. Interrupted myself in the middle of a sentence and went look a squirrel…" He laughed again. "Thank you guys, you really wouldn't have had t… Oh Martina."

Marti had taken the third and last thing out of the bag, which was a huge (!) box with loom bands of all the colors you could imagine. Benjamin- and all of us others were looking to Mady whose eyes had grown big and her chin had dropped realizing the box- which must have been bigger than any loom band box she had ever seen.

Actually, it was bigger than any loom band box I had ever seen- not that I had seen very many of those though.

"So." While Mady went back to her chair still staring without blinking to the big plastic box in her hands Mr. Blaine clapped his hands together. "I guess no one here have really concentrated on singing or what songs to do or rehearsing but before that… I was helping Jasper to reach some higher notes and I thought it could suit right now so… Jasper."

"Well… we did change it a bit." Jasper smiled and while Mr. Blaine sat down in front of me walked out to the floor in front of us. "Lowered it a bit…. Quite a lot and in some way not lowered the already low notes too much… but anyway, I kind of like the way it turned out and I hope you do too." He jumped up to sit on the piano as Kayla started playing towards the piano keys and Jasper just smiled and continued doing so when he started singing. And as the lyrics went on too for that matter.

I knew this song and it had for sure been lowered. But still there was quite a few notes that only a couple of months ago would have been way too high for him to reach. Now he hit them perfectly and I couldn't help to feel impressed. And was probably one of them, or was one of all of us clapping loudly while Jasper bowed and I logged out for a minute. Or more like dreamed away slightly.

While I clapped for Jasper something that I now barely even recognized had formed on my lips. I had always been a person to smile and laugh a lot, do mischief and then smile and laugh even more. Love with all of that I had and do the very most of what I had. Come up with crazy quotes and making the most out of each moment.

I had always be the one to push the thoughts about my mum away as much as possible. Use the boys' rest room and showers without a thought about the people who would push me around. I had never cared about slushies thrown in my face or shoving into lockers. Not about having to wear sport bras all the while after puberty so the breasts wouldn't show.

And maybe the reason I had never cared about it was that I had actually cared. But I could have told Alma about it and it would have made it all better to know that whether she did it or not it seemed like she understood and did her best to comfort. Alma had been my best friend for so long, and I wasn't so sure I could hold on on anything without her. Maybe just keep holding on on how miserable I felt.

I had been so gone into my own thoughts I had missed everything Mr. Blaine had said for a moment until he came to get a pile of papers in his bag and in the break patted my shoulder and asked if I was okay. I returned to reality when he touched me and I just nodded quickly at his question. Mr. Blaine smiled back and patted my shoulder again before he took a grip of the papers he had and started handing them out.

"Here" Mr. Blaine started handing out the sheet music to us and the band. "I want us to try this song and who does what part is as usual noted on the papers so… Charlotte you're first up…" The intro started and suddenly Mr. Blaine was wearing a smile that went from ear to ear. It was like every single bad feeling had disappeared out of his life. And I could barely imagine all the relief that was filling up in every little cell of his body.

As Blaine has said Charlotte started off, supporting on the crutch in one hand and the paper sheets in the other she seemed a bit shaky. But as usual her voice was strong when she started singing. I lost concentration for a bit looking down into the papers and realized that only girls were singing the first verse that was split up in solos. Then all the girls would sing the refrain and then boys- including me had solos during the second verse until everybody started singing in the second refrain.

Mr. Blaine's smile if possible only grew bigger and bigger. Then during the third verse that that one too was split in solos he started getting tears in his eyes trying to wipe away the tears that ran down his cheeks faster than what he could stop them already from when he started while the ending of the song came and he with pride in his eyes clapped his hands once we were finished.

"Come here guys." Mr. Blaine stopped clapping and held his arms out. "Group hug. For a good reason this time." This time it didn't even seem like Lea- Marie hesitated, well she did. But she came and joined us others in the hug anyway and squeezed in between her, Bradon and Seth I couldn't help to feel the love. And I almost wished to freeze this moment and keep holding onto it forever.

Bradon was right, Alma had been my best friend. She had always tried to comfort when I was sad. She still was my best friend. And she would still have wanted me to be happy. And maybe I couldn't be right now. But I guess I could be- and as it said in the song we had just sung. Maybe everything it took from me was to keep everybody close, Alma too of course. And keep holding on. Until it would get better.

Because it would get better. If I would just keep holding on.

**So, Christie got a new kidney at the same time as Belle's mum was in a car accident. But Mrs. Jolie isn't dead so… who on earth was that kidney from and what has that got to do with anything? **

**Daniel started bawling as soon as he found out Christie will take another road than his sister. We finally see another part of Mr. Jolie and we could always hope this one will stay. Christie knows the reason her dad didn't kick her out but isn't so sure about telling Carole and Keagan. Who have very understandably down since Alma died seems to be on his way back. **

**Playlist  
**Daniel/ Martina- I don't believe you- Pink  
Jasper- The cure- Leona Lewis  
Group- Keep holding on- Glee cast cover. Originally Avril Lavigne

**Dr. Graham (Yes, it's Hayley's dad Dr. Graham) is portrayed by Paul Bradley. Billy and Lenny Jolie by Don Cheadle and Nathan Stewart- Jarrett and they're made by GleekFreak908. Mady is portrayed by Sarah Grace Morris. Christie's dad who is mentioned and whose name is Stephen is portrayed by Regan Burns. Jean Jolie- Belle's mum is portrayed by Kerry Washington and also she made by GleekFreak908. **

**Random fact **

You would never believe how bad writer's block I've had writing this! It have been crazy and I'm so happy I finally got it up.


	35. Beating hearts

**In the A/N to this chapter I just wanted to take a moment to thank you all. And I'm going to try and take this short but knowing myself I probably won't succeed. But anyway, I would appreciate if you read it. It's written for all of you.**

**As some of you may know, 2015 turned to be a very rough year for me. I couldn't tell you how much things kept piling up and shove me right over just as I had gotten somewhat back onto my feet. **

**Now things are better than what they were before. I am finally at a point where I hope to let go of the things that were and head forward again but until then and through all of that I just… I just wanted to say thanks. **

**So without any further ado. During this year Fanfiction and all of you here, encouraging words or just a follow have meant so unbelievable much. So, to you. All of you, and just you who are reading this. Thank you- I couldn't put in words how grateful I am. **

**So thank you. Just thank you. **

**I probably couldn't say that enough times… But here we go. **

**This chapter have a lot of pov's. But most of them are quite short. The outfits you can find on the polyvore- including Xenia's, Evie's and Blaine's but except for Esme. **

**Jasper POV **

"Wow." I told Evie when she came down the stairs on Valentine day's afternoon to go to her prom. "You look gorgeous. I don't know if you're supposed to call your sister that but you do look gorgeous." Evie smiled and looked down on herself- and the way her smile seemed so real had me smiling even bigger.

The theme for this year's prom- which was held today at Valentine's day even if today was a Wednesday, was love. With red and pink and hearts and God knows whatever else. When Bennett would come and get my Evie in his car there would probably be enough with only that to light up the whole place but with it Evie had put it on extra with a pink dress and gold heart in her necklace. And upon that white shoes, a white bag, white ear rings and a white bolero- with long sleeves and yes she had just taught me the word bolero.

"You are allowed to say it Jazz." Dad stood up and hugged my sister. "But isn't it time for you to leave now too?" Dad had turned to me and I nodded. "Let me take a picture of you two first though. I'll take one of only you Jazz first. You're leaving first and need to catch that bus." I nodded, and even though I wasn't wearing anything in special. Didn't want to discuss it before I took my place by the stairs.

It had been Sharon's idea that we would instead of going to the big prom as everybody else we would have our own prom- ish on Mr. Blaine's house. At first Mr. Blaine had protested stating the prom was a big deal but as one after one came with ideas and wanted to come to the prom-ish he had to give in and fix it up.

I had heard Lea- Marie was going to the regular prom at school which wasn't very surprising. Belle no one seemed to have heard much from. Daniel had wanted to come to the prom- ish but was forbidden to do so as Mr. Blaine thought he should go to the real senior prom. Apart from that everybody were going to the prom- ish. Including a friend of Marti's whom apparently didn't like places with loads of people but wanted to go anyway.

Even Mady had wanted to go too. But as the prom would last to after her bedroom Benjamin had made a deal that if she stayed home this evening he would take her out to Duke's play center on Saturday and she seemed to be happy about that. So at last we had been asked to come to prom- ish at six, the same time as the regular prom and not mind about bringing anything or buying nice clothes. He stated we could have come in hoodie and sweatpants if we so wanted to. But with the same theme as the regular one and love with all pink and sparkly and all of it. And I was pretty happy with what I had found. With red jeans, grey, knitted shirt and grey shoes with red laces put in them.

"Are we done?" I asked as soon as dad put down the camera after taking a few photos of me and Evie together and he nodded. "I gotta catch the bus." Dad just nodded and mum started talking to Evie. They didn't seem to take much notice that I was still there so I just grabbed my coat and went out the door.

"Good luck Evie. Bye."

As I walked towards the road and the bus stop Ben's car pulled over in our driveway and my heart started beating. Certainly not in the way Evie's heart would beat when she saw him but I was kind of nervous and that made my heart beat.

"Hey." I turned and caught his attention. "You better treat her right. She's my sister and if you break her heart I will…" I didn't finish it. I wasn't so sure what I should finish it with. But Bennett Fredericks didn't say anything more, he just nodded and turned while I stayed there in the driveway and could see mum and dad standing in the hallway with Evie.

I sighed when I turned around again and walked towards the street. I knew there was a good reason and knew that I shouldn't feel like this. But with the slight pinch the thought of why Evie would be more important than me came another one too. The thought and jealousy of that for once I wanted to mean something too.

Just once…. In just a heartbeat… Just a tiny little moment… just for a heartbeat! A single one.

**Charlotte POV **

The afternoon before I would have to leave for that prom I sat on the bench in the hallway. Seth had wanted me to catch a ride with him and his dad and I hadn't known how to say no so I had just went along with it. And now here I sat in my love- themed, but still very much blue and grey clothes and waited.

I guess someone more creative had me had just said that wearing blue and grey was love- themed was all because I loved blue and grey. But I had matched my blue dress and grey poncho with a blue belt with a golden heart that closed it. Along with a silver ring with a heart. Although that was all I had come up with along with the silver eye- shadow and nail polish, grey bag and my converse I was pretty sure that Mr. Blaine wouldn't have let me come in if that wasn't enough.

I let the tip of a finger run along the thin, white pantyhose I was wearing. Beneath it the deep, purple scars on my leg were still very much visible. And after having taken off all of those band aids a couple of weeks ago, there was no one except for a complete blind person who would miss it. This would be the first time I would go outside showing them off like this. And it already made me feel nauseas.

"Don't worry about it Charlotte." Dad must have seen me touching those scars in nervousity. "You look beautiful." He sat down next to me on that bench. "You look so much like your mum and…" He held up a jewelry box that I could see had belonged to mum with the blue flowers and grey birds printed on the silk fabric around it. "…She'd want you to have these." I carefully took the box and opened it. Holding it carefully so I wouldn't drop it.

"Oh dad…"

Inside I found a pair of ear rings and a necklace I had only seen mum wearing a few times for situations where she was going on a date with dad wanting to be as beautiful as possible- not getting that she could walk in sweatpants and hoodie and still be so.

"I can't…"

"How did I know you were going to say that?" Dad smirked. "And yes you can. She always said that when you were going to your first prom so yes you can." I had tried to give it back to him to keep it wherever it had been for the last few years. "I will not take it back Charles, so don't you even try it!"

I pulled my hand back towards myself again. Then carefully took the necklace and twisted the chain around my fingers before I laid it back in the box with the ear rings. For another few seconds I just sat there and hesitated with my hand towards the edge of the box while dad still held it, then I pulled my hand away.

"I- I can't." I stuttered. "What if I drop them? What if I damage them? What if I lose them?"

"Then… Would you rather know they are safe in a box in the attic? Or that they are wherever knowing that you used them well?" I was on my way to answer the first option. But dad wasn't going to give in on this. "Come on Charlie. Your mum talked about all the time that when you got older you'd get them. Now she'd want you to have them." He looked up when we heard a car pull over in a driveway and then dad's voice sounded firmer than earlier. "Take them."

I knew the firmness wasn't real. Dad couldn't ever have been the slightest bit firm about something like that. And I forced myself to take the ear rings and put them on. Just as we heard Seth's footsteps up the porch I turned and let dad close the charm of the silver chain just as there was a knock on the door and I pushed myself up and limped over to the door while dad waited behind.

"Hello Charlotte." Seth told me and stared so much it almost made me uncomfortable before he looked up. "Hello Mr. Amato." I reached for my jacket and then limped after Seth slowly down the porch and down the driveway.

I couldn't help that Seth seemed kind of shaky and nervous. Already when he had come up at the porch and even worse so when the car started moving. I had heard somewhere that Seth hated going into the car and easily got car sick. I was terrified that he might throw up in front of me, making it worse that a pack of vomiting bags were put in the space to keep things in the door on his side. And I nervously wiped the sweat of my hands and looked out the window. The road to school from me only took a minute or two. But that minute or two seemed endless until Mr. Phillips pulled over at the school's parking lot and I breathed out.

"So." Seth still seemed a bit nervous and shaky but like the gentleman he was came around the car and opened the door for me holding out his arm. "Are you ready for going to the prom Miss Amato?" I forced a slight, nervous smile. And without another word and without taking his arm stood up and looked towards the door, then looked down towards my leg again.

"Don't worry about it." Seth seemed less shaky this time around. "You look beautiful."

I smiled slightly at him again and tried not to think about the scars. But still, as I limped just after him towards the porch. I couldn't help to notice that there was more than one reason that my heart was beating so hard I could barely breathe. And even if I tried to tell myself I was just nervous for showing everyone those scars, while the other made it get worse whenever I thought about who I was going to prom with.

And damn it, it was beating! ¨

**Sharon POV **

I arrived at the Finn's army prom half an hour too late. I wasn't very surprised to that fact. Everything suddenly got so much harder when you were almost thirty two weeks pregnant. And just at the point where I thought I was ready to leave my feet were so swollen I had to stop and hold them up. And here I was with my sneakers tied as loosely as possible and wishing I could still have covered up my pregnant belly. Which of course was impossible by now.

"Hi Sharon."

Mr. Blaine greeted me with a smile when I came inside. Then helped me to get off my maternity jacket and hung it on the hook in the hallway closest to the doors to the kitchen and the living room. He didn't say anything else right then, but opened the door to the living room and gestured for me to go inside.

Inside most of the others were sitting on sofas put around where it seemed to be something like a stage. Including some fatboys and for the moment being everyone sat there. Except for Esme who stood in front of them singing. Her voice was just as clear and beautiful as I could remember it had always been when she was singing. And so seemed Esme, happier than in a long time her smile reached from one ear to the other and almost lit up the whole room.

While I just watched her Dakota and Benjamin got up onto the floor. With their hands in each other's they were dancing randomly and despite that there was something I could see in between them that had during such a long time been in between me and Esme. Or maybe still was. But there was something else in between them- obviously. And the only reason they didn't see the reason while each of their heart's beating so loudly we should have been able to hear it. Was that they were so afraid the other wouldn't feel the same.

I knew Esme had tried to cover up that beating of her heart since the school year started. And Hayley wasn't here tonight. But still I couldn't help but envy her. She seemed to be doing so well. Without me, and without Alex her life just seemed to be falling into place with the pieces of her heart. While my heart only kept on falling into yet smaller. And did so again when Esme finished her song and glared at me.

Not to have to meet her vision I looked around and could see Keagan smiled at me, he had been a bit down and weird since his horse died but the way he had covered his blazer in pink, blue and yellow hearts told me something about that he might be on his way back to his old self. And it felt like his outfit should have made me smile. Just as Dakota was wearing rainbow pattern from head to toe- it should have made me smile. It should have made me laugh.

Keagan turned when Bradon called for him and together they stood in front of us others and started a song while they just danced and jumped away and sang the upbeat song. And that song just seemed so very them- or at least I might have thought about that if I wasn't busy with the thought of how jealous I was right now. Of everybody who could jump and dance like that- or move much at all.

Like so many other times (damn hormones!) I felt tears rising in my eyes. The bathroom was occupied but I had heard there was another one upstairs so I hoped that one would be free to use- which it was and I stumbled in and locked the door before I sunk down onto the lid and cried trying to keep as quiet as possible.

I didn't know for how long I sat there. But I hoped that no one would notice how long I must have been gone because then they would come after me and I didn't want anyone to see me cry. That would only cause more trouble and everything and I didn't need any more of that- not now, not tonight, not ever!

When I at last stood up from the toilet and looked myself in the mirror I wasn't crying anymore. But my cheeks were- for what must have been the billionth time the last months red and swollen. There were stains after tears and my short, red hair was tousled. I just felt weirdly heavy and exhausted. And I just wanted to go home.

After the exhaustion of crying and the fear of the thought that to go home I would have to go downstairs and by all the others my heart was beating so hard it was as if it would hop right out of my chest. I tried to take a deep breath but breathing out my breath was shaking and I feared that I might start again while I with my hands shaking pulled up my phone and called for my dad.

"I'll be leaving." A few minutes later, when I had talked to my dad and dried all the tears. As much as I could I kept my voice from shaking but I could still see Mr. Blaine frown. "I'm just tired." He nodded, but still frowning. "My dad'll be right here."

I went out into the hallway but left the door open and I could still see the others and their loved theme prom while I shot a glance down to my bump. For once I hadn't even tried to wear anything that would cover it up. Wasn't one of those things that people said about having a baby was when you could see the face of love? Well… I was mostly just scared.

I looked from Seth's red button up beneath the grey, knitted shirt. And the heart- printed cellphone case he had borrowed from his sister. To Bradon's red blazer, to Benjamin dressed in red, white and blue ("I love America") along with a rainbow belt and Dakota's rainbow- everything. Why couldn't I take away what I had done at that party this summer? Then maybe Esme- who was dressed in a red dress that was as good as shaped as a heart the whole thing, wouldn't be glaring at me with hate in her eyes like she was doing right now. And I wouldn't have been angsty knowing that I had and still loved my best friend. More than ever- I just didn't know if she would do so towards me ever again.

My heart was beating harder than ever when I pulled the heart printed scarf around my neck and then closed the door in between the hallway and the living room before I turned and walked outside. I wouldn't have had to do so just yet, could have stayed in the warm for yet another few minutes but I couldn't stand the sound of all of the others' laughter and having fun anymore.

While I could still hear my heart beat hard I stayed out by the parking lot shaking cold. But I refused to go inside again, that would only be embarrassing. And to have something to do, and for the bad feeling that I had done something wrong when I was only scared for my baby to be born I looked down on the bump again and wished that the baby could hear and understand my whisper.

"_Don't worry baby. I'm still scared, but I still love you more than anything." _

**Daniel POV**

"Thanks for the ride. See you."

Burt Hummel had given me a ride to the prom- I would much rather have gone to Mr. Blaine's house for Finn's army's own prom but since I was a senior neither Mr. Blaine nor anyone else would let me miss the one at school.

I had barely left the hospital since last week, wanting to stay with Christie. Wanting to see the transformation that Angelica had never gotten I had actually barely left that room and even though I didn't want to leave for another while Christie had at last fizzled at me that she was sick and tired of me and while Kurt with the help from my dad on the phone had gotten clothes while I didn't know. Burt and Carole had made up a plan that they would get dinner while I showered in the hospital and eat in the car while Burt drove me- well, I guess it had worked out anyway. And they had even forbidden me to think of Christie and the hospital during prom. So here I was an hour after it started. Yay me!

They had done prom in a very strange way this year. Of course, couples who were already together would go together but everybody who were still single would go by themselves and the night would be spent for them maybe to find someone to dance with. I found it really weird- as if finding someone to go with for prom wasn't stressful enough!

I was walking up towards the doors when something red in the corner of my eye caught my vision. I didn't care much for it, the theme to the prom was love with red and pink and hearts for all it was worth. But something made me turn my head and look to the red and I froze when I found Belle Jolie crying in the light winter rain shivering from head to toe.

"Hey." I was pulling the blazer off hurrying over to her. "What are you doing here?" I didn't hesitate or even ask her. "Here." I draped the blazer around her shoulders and she pulled her arms into the sleeves not even trying to hide the fact that she had needed it- badly. "Are you alright? Is there something I could do… How's your mum? If you don't mind me asking."

"No… Not at all" She said shakily and pulled a sleeve up to be able to use her hand to dry the tears. Not really succeeding with the sleeve and ended up with snot on the blazer. "Oh my God I'm so sorry I…" I just waved it off- blazers could be washed and I wouldn't care less either way. "Mum's fine and back to herself enough to be able to join dad and my brother to talk me into going to the prom, and going to it here instead of at Mr. Blaine's house. I know prom is supposed to be whatever highlight of the year but..." She buried her face in her hands and I doubted she even knew what she was doing. "I'm just so tired."

I bit my lip not knowing what to do. How to deal with people when they got emotional wasn't exactly my subject but… I just knew I had to do something…

"Come on." At last I took one of her hands and she looked sadly up at me and even though they were full of tears they still made my heart beat like crazy. "Let's go into the choir room or… somewhere where it's… quiet… and we can be alone."

I didn't give Belle time to answer. Just turned and with her hand in mine pulled away into the school and through the hallway. The way to the choir room seemed both endless and way too short. Endless since for her own sake I didn't want Belle to go through the whole hallway crying. But endless because with her hand in mine, our skins towards each other's even if it was ever so little. But it probably wasn't even thirty seconds before I could push the door to the choir room open and gently pull her into the room.

"I'm sorry." Belle wiped her tears but barely had the time to before new ones fell. "I didn't mean to spill it on you or anything but…"

"You didn't spill anything on me." I sat down in one of the chairs in the room and Belle sat down next to me. "I just… Oh, you're wearing the hair clip I gave you for Christmas… And I've got to say… you look beautiful." I glanced down and up seeing a long, red dress. Silver- colored, very- high- heeled shoes, a silver necklace with something that looked like a snowflake, a silver ring with an eternity sign and the word 'love' and so that hairclip. When she lifted her hand to touch the clip I saw she was wearing silver- colored nail polish as well. Well, all of that was a way to match it as well. And when I put my hand on her shoulder I smiled.

"And my shirt match your dress." Belle let hear a short laugh, but it sounded real and when she wiped the tears again no new ones fell. "Hey… I know we don't know each other too well. But I am a Finn's army's soldier and so are you and soldiers are there for each other aren't they?" She nodded. "So…" she looked up and when she looked into my eyes I lost my thread and forgot what I was going to say. "Do you want to go to the gym or stay here or… go home or go back to the hospital to your mum or…"

"Actually." After a few seconds of silence Belle let her voice be heard again but seemed hesitating. "I think I just want to go home… Yeah… I think that's what I would like to do." She sniveled again and I hesitated about what to say.

"If you want to and don't want to be alone, there's a bus for my area leaving in about fifteen minutes. You can come with me if you want… it's not much for the world but I have got… Video games… coke, candy, dry clothes for you to borrow and… well that's pretty much it!" She smiled but shrugged. "You don't have to but…" When we could hear the first few tones of a song I really liked play from the gym I stood up and turned to her with my hand held out. "May I have this dance?"

Belle smiled slightly, the glitter in her eyes once again making my heart beat like crazy when she took my hand and without caring of style but with Belle's arms around my waist and mine around her shoulders started rocking slightly from side to side while taking steps in God knows which direction order.

…_Now here we are, so close…_

I sang along to the music, not loud. But as softly as I could and very much loud enough for her to hear while her touch only made me feel dizzy and faint, while I still worried when Belle seemed to get more and more tired.

"Actually…" She said towards the end of the song. "…As an answer to your question. If that's okay I think I'd rather just go home and be alone and get into my brother's sweatpants and T shirt and then find the stupidest most boring TV show to watch and be alone for the first time in God knows how long. And you probably didn't want to know this." I let hear a short laugh.

"That's alright. Sounds like good plans. But let me walk you home at least. You look so tired you could probably fall asleep along the way." Belle smiled and nodded barely noticeable. A sign of how hard it was for her to just accept my help. "And let me guess… you kind of want to get out of those shoes." She moaned slightly and that was answer enough. "Well… They are way too big for you… and smell like I don't even know what." She laughed and I smiled, just from the sound of her laugh. "But I've got a pair of basketball sneakers in my locker if you want to walk home in some comfortable ones."

"Actually… that sounds good!" I smiled, and then kept my arm around her shoulders while we walked into the hallway and down to my locker where I pulled out those smelly sneakers while she took those high- heeled ones off. "Okay," she grabbed onto my shirt when standing on one leg to pull one of them on and I froze. "Way too big but damn they're so comfortable! You're never getting them back now." I let hear another short laugh. And she reached down to take her shoes but I kneeled and stopped her.

"Here. This should do better so they don't fall off." I helped her to tie the sneakers as hard as possible and then reached for her shoes. "Let me take these." I smiled up at her. "So let's go then…" I bit my lip, and then took the chance where she had pulled up the sleeve of my blazer so far she could use the hand and took it.

With Belle's shoes in one of my hands and her little hand in my big one we walked out of the school building and down the street in silence. We could hear the cars and around the school we could still hear students chattering all around but we didn't mind about them and just kept on walking. Down the road, and let the things we should say be in the words we didn't.

"Well…" In front of a big house down the road she stopped and I swore under my breath. I would have never wanted this moment to end but turned to her and looked for an excuse to give her another hug- not that I could find one. It just seemed like we had the same thought about that and we must have been standing on that driveway in each other's embrace for at least a couple of minutes.

Just as we were on the verge of letting go we stayed. And while I was tall enough and she was short enough for us to just stand there together looking at each other. And without further hesitation I leaned down and kissed her. Just like that, right on the lips. And for a few moments we just stayed right there while my heart was beating so hard I thought there might be someone on the moon that couldn't hear it.

"Well…" A bit chocked when we had let go I froze. "I guess it's time for me to go home then." Belle nodded slightly looking just as chocked as I felt. "I guess it is."

I didn't wait for a reply, gave a slight, but nervous smile and turned to walk down the street towards my block. I tried not to, but where the road turned I looked behind me. Maybe she was… no, Belle had gone inside. It was what I had expected, but knowing that I wouldn't be seeing her in person again until tomorrow made the night feel so long.

_I can't believe it took you nineteen years to get your first kiss Danny. Now make sure you don't ruin this after only one snog! _

It had been there without request. Angelica's voice telling me that in her silly teasing tone. Knowing that was the exact way she'd say it- even though when she had died I would have been way too young to understand any of it. I just knew…

I and Belle had been friends before this. And even if she might not feel the same for me as I did for her. I hoped that we could at least stay friends if nothing else. But of course, I wanted us to be more… Although maybe I and my stupid beating hard was the only one.

I had been so gone into my own thoughts I had a chock when I realized where I was going. This wasn't my block! Not the way to it either and if it was such a long way! I was only two houses from the house in which I could now see Bradon and Keagan talking and laughing about something and something pinched when I wished they wouldn't have just forbidden me to go there- why was I just so attached not to break the rules?

I froze on the pavement. Then watched as Keagan and Bradon disappeared out of my sight and for a moment Mr. Blaine was within my vision through the kitchen window. And when I once again thought about what had just happened I decided that I couldn't just dwell on that, and screw rules! This place was where my friends was and which prom would be better than the one with my friends? So I started walking again and tried to fight the thoughts that none of this might not end up well while I knocked the door slightly and walked in.

"Hey guys." I walked into the hallway. "I've been to the school prom. Not much happened…" I smiled- well not at the school! "Can I stay here now?" Mr. Blaine and Martina hesitated looking to each other and then nodded. "Thanks guys." I walked up to the couch that had been put up towards the wall and sat down still barely knowing where or who I was- and I had barely even noticed I was still holding onto Belle's shoes while she still must have had my blazer and sneakers.

"So…" Martina sat down next to me and with a smirk towards the shoes in my hands. "Whose are those and… tell me more!"

"Oh Marti…" I said smirking and scratching my neck. At first I wasn't going to tell her anything but then realized I wouldn't be able to hold it to myself. "Okay, but it's staying between you and me. And oh my Lord. My heart is still beating!"

**Martina POV **

I didn't actually listen much to what Daniel was saying. At least for me it had been clear for a long time that sooner or later Delle would end up together and while of course I was happy they did. And of course I was happy my best guy- friend was happy but just today I was looking mostly at the brown- haired girl in front of me.

Even though I hadn't managed to get close, at least I and Xenia had become sort of friends. And even though I didn't know why, I had noticed she was very shy and withdrawn. And I had noticed she was hiding her angst and anxiety as the prom got closer since she didn't like places in which there were loads of people.

Now afterwards I wasn't so sure how it happened. But somehow it had been planned that instead of going to the big, regular prom she would come with me and the other soldiers of Finn's army- except for Daniel, Lea-Marie and Belle to Mr. Blaine's house and the small prom. And here we sat- Daniel was here too by now. And Xenia was more beautiful than ever with purple dress and gold blazer and tights. She also wore purple sneakers and necklace and earrings with gold hearts. While I matched it somewhat with purple coat, shoes, tights and eyeliner. Along with a dress in black, white and grey with pandas- it might not have been nice enough for a real prom but hey. It was love theme and who on earth doesn't love panda's? Besides they look so loving so I wasn't going home to change my clothes into whatever red or pink or hearts.

"You do know…." Daniel seemed delirious so I tried to get him down to earth again. "…When Lea-Marie finds out you two are together she's going to be furious." I stood up and headed for the table with drinks and snacks and Daniel followed grabbing a Twizzler. Then chewed it mechanically while seeming far gone into his own thoughts before he returned and answered me.

"I know. But let's not worry about it now."

"Hey." I told Xenia when she was glancing towards the table with snacks. "You don't have to hesitate. Eat as much as you can." Xenia looked to me, but I could see a slight smile before she reached over and took a marshmallow from a bowl with candy. I turned back to her ignoring Daniel. But didn't have time to say much before Mr. Blaine walked out onto the floor and caught all of ours attention.

"So, anybody else wants to do a song? Benjamin? The floor's yours!"

While Benjamin put on the intro through the phone that laid plugged into the speakers we others moved to get into a circle around the sofas in the room. I sat down in one by the edge and Xenia on the arm support right by me. Then when the music started right away- like so many times before seemed to almost jump on the place with energy. Wow! How much energy could it fit into that scrawny figure? Well… a lot it seemed like!

The song he had chosen was one that I had never heard before. And honestly it wasn't really my taste of music. But seeing Benjamin dance around, moving to the rhythm all the while with a quirky smile on his lips and that Heedie's sparkle in his eye that could usually be seen in Mady's. I couldn't help to smile and enjoy the performance.

Honestly, this was what the glee club was all for wasn't it? Us together. Rhythm by the music. Rhythm of everybody's hearts. Rhythm of that night and just being together enjoying our time together- which wasn't exactly made less when we started clapping our hands into Benjamin's music. And right there, and right then when I looked up. I just couldn't stop smiling.

Tonight, my heart was beating along with the big smile on my lips for two reasons. And despite Xenia being here. The biggest reason was feeling all the love we had for the music and for our friends in the room.

Lea- Marie had gone to the real prom. Everyone just loving each other might have had something to do with her being gone.

Oh, but that wasn't very nice!

**Blaine POV **

"That was great Benjamin." When Benjamin's so to say at least energetic performance I clapped my hands along with the others. "But I can't do what the songs tells and even if you can stay until I come back I need to leave and do something. But only if I can see one more song being… oh Martina? The floor's yours."

When Benjamin who was going to sit down and Martina who was going up onto the floor passed each other Martina held up her hand to high five him. And Benjamin, sweaty from all the dancing wiped his palm on his jeans and replied to it. Then Benjamin more or less fell into a fatboy next to Dakota while Martina took the guitar.

At the first tone I recognized the song and couldn't help but to let a slight smile form on my face. How many times hadn't I heard Kurt sing this- enough times to know that he would be annoyed I would say he was the Juliet. Enough times to feel my heart beating at all the memories. Enough times for my heart to beat even now with Martina singing and playing it.

The story of the song was about Romeo and Juliet- or any couple like theirs, if there ever was one. But there wasn't a doubt about who Martina would want to say yes to her. And even though that girl was really shy- there was only one split second where you could see something in Xenia's eyes. But then the song was over and so was the magic.

"Great job Martina." I stood up to leave and grabbed my bag that had been standing by the wall. "I'd love to stay here with you. But I figured I wanted somebody else than all of you to also have her bit of fun. You can still stay here for as long as you want. But not too long, it's school tomorrow. So… See you."

I left the house and walked out to my car. In the back seat also laid a plastic bag from a store at the mall in town. And I smiled slightly when I thought about how it was possible that Christie might react from the surprise of what we had planned. And my smile stayed on my lips for a long while… I really thought she'd like it!

"Don't bother."

I sighed, then realized this wouldn't be as easy as I thought. Pressing my lips together hard I thought about giving up- maybe this would not be as easy as I thought it would be. Or rather as I had hoped it would be. But I didn't want to give in and helplessly I looked to Burt and Carole for advice.

"Chris." Carole went to sit in the chair right by the bed and while Christie was still grumpily staring right in front of her Carole took a thin tress of hair of Christie's and started twisting and twirling it in her hand. "You have done so very well through all of this. You have been so very brave and so in all too many ways that no one would have ever asked or expected from you. But that part is over now and you are allowed to just be and have fun." Christie glared up on her aunt. But without a word turned and moved her legs over the edge of the bed and pushed herself down onto the floor.

"Alright. Then." She took the bag from my hand and walked slowly into the bathroom. She had been up several times from the day after surgery but she still moved carefully, and after us waiting for a bit the bathroom door opened and without us being able to see her Christie told that she couldn't bend down and needed Carole to help her with the shoes.

"Oh wow."

The outfit I had chosen for Christie was a white floral- patterned dress, white sandals, silver- colored heart- shaped earrings and a simple silver- chain around her wrist with a silver white heart. It wasn't much or anything in certain. It wasn't what we would have ended up with if I had let Kurt by the close I needed. But it was Christie- and it was beautiful!

"…You look beautiful."

As soon as I'd gotten the words back into my brain- sooner than the others since they were still too chocked to say a single word, I let Christie hear it hoping to see a smile form on her lips. It didn't, but she wasn't glaring quite as bad anymore. And it only lasted for a moment before she stomped over to the hospital bunk and grabbed her fleece hoodie and pulled it over the dress.

"What? Hospitals are freezing!"

I didn't mind for the shirt, I pushed my way down from the window seal I had been sitting in and held out my hand.

"May I have this dance?"

Christie just glared at me- yep! She did that a lot. Then she shrugged and I could almost hear her thinking that she didn't have anything to lose before she took my hand- still only the one I held out to her and moving together we gave the other's a silly little show. And by the time I could see a slight smile form on her lips my curiosity got too strong for me not to ask.

"So if you could choose one guy. One person, in the whole school that would have been there at the prom. That would have asked you to dance and be just the one to make your heart beat like nothing and nobody else could. Who would it be?"

"Shut up."

It was the answer I would have expected. But I couldn't have helped to see a small little sparkle in her eye and I knew what that meant. And I was not giving in on this one. Not after getting this far.

"So who is your heart beating for?" I asked with a slight smirk but Christie didn't answer. "Are you in love with someone?" Still no answer, but she was starting to smile and giggle a little- which seemed so unlike her. "Oh… who is he?"

"Or she." Kurt wasn't slow with filling in. "Or she if you're… well. Whatever is fine with is."

"Well…" Christie sounded grumpy. "More okay than what my dad would be…" It seemed to go up a light for her about what she had said. It seemed she hadn't really planned to say that out loud and suddenly it was as if the questions- as many as there could be in that little hospital room.

"What?"

"What do you mean?"

"What's he got to do with anything?"

"What did you say?"

"What?"

"But you told us he didn't kick you out because you were ill!" Carole was the only one who hadn't asked at least one question when stated so. "So why…" Christie was fed up with the questions, she quickly looked up and didn't seem to waste any more time on hesitating. Just shot a quick look to me and Kurt before she spoke up.

"He kicked me out when I told him I was bi."

Christie had spoken the truth almost all in one word. And I could see the reason was that with all of this she would be afraid that pulling out on it would only make matters worse. And for a second the room just fell completely empty while something clenched in my chest. Would he- would anyone really? I knew there were loads of people who would but…

My heart was beating harder than ever with anger. If I hadn't wanted to keep calm and strong for Carole I would probably have set after Mr. Kyemohr and strangle him with my own bear hands. How dared he… I grabbed Kurt's hand. And squeezed it. I don't know what that was but I just suddenly realized how lucky we both were. And if we didn't know then we would have learnt from the way Christie stared back at her aunt.

"I'm going to kill him." Carole's mumble sounded low and hoarse- a clear sign of the anger she must be feeling. "I'm gonna kill him." With that she stood up and stomped towards the door, seeming ready to go after him before Burt stepped into her way and Carole just exploded. "LET ME GO I'M GOING TO KILL HIM."

We all knew Carole's heart beat for all of her family. And seeing the hurt look in Christie's eyes when she told us the truth. Plus hearing what it was, it seemed to have set off something in Carole that she must have suppressed ever since Stephen told her he was sending Christie here.

"I'm going to kill him." Carole growled. "I'm going to tear his rotten heart into pieces. I'm going to…"

"Stop it."

Christie's shout put an end to Carole trying to get past Burt and to West Bridgewater to so to say- kill her brother. And while she turned towards Christie again it was so quiet we should have been able to hear both our own and the other's hearts beating.

"I hate dad for what he did." Christie said, in a voice clearer and steadier than what I had heard ever before. "But…" She smirked slightly. But her eyes didn't lose that hurt feeling. "You can't kill him… if you don't let me help."

"So…" Burt, the only one who should have been able to change the subject. Even though he too was shaking with anger. "Is your heart beating for someone special? Are you in love? And no, it doesn't matter to any of us if it's a he or a she." Christie bit her lip and hesitated. "Oh come on… can you at least tell us that?" She hesitated again, but opened her mouth to answer.

"It's a he."

**So, Valentine's day, week and prom have passed. And Finn's army had their own which also Xenia came along to. Evie Birch went to the actual prom and Jasper feels a bit like nothing in his own family. Charlotte is up walking, and she and Seth are so in love while he still hates going by car and she hates her scars. Sharon seems more scared of this baby- thing than ever. Daniel and Belle are FINALLY together but when Lea-Marie finds out she'll be furious. Martina is so in love but maybe Xenia's straight or maybe just don't like Martina back or maybe she does. And then the last- Christie's bi and that is the real reason on why her dad threw her out. As well, Christie's in love with somebody. It's a boy… but that's about all we know. So… more of this. You'll get next time. **

**Playlist  
**Esme- This kiss- Faith Hill  
Bradon/ Keagan- Give me your hand (best song ever)- the ready set**  
**Daniel- Give your heart a break- Demi Lovato**  
**Benjamin- Stay the night- Alcazar**  
**Martina- Love story- Taylor Swift

**Mrs. And Mr. Birch are portrayed by Alex Kingston and Alex Walkinshaw. Evie is portrayed by Charlotte Salt and those are all made by x snow- pony x. Bennett Fredericks by Charlie Carver and is made by LocalXmusicXjellybeanX. Mrs. And Mr. Jolie are portrayed by Kerry Washington and Don Cheadle. Mady is portrayed by Sarah Grace Morris. Adam- Sharon's dad is portrayed by Patrick Dempsey and made by Yonna9queen. Seth's dad is made by GleeJunkie007 and portrayed by Liam Neeson. Christie's dad Stephen is portrayed by Regan Burns. Xenia is portrayed by Willa Holland.**

**Random fact **

Actually Christie was straight from the start, her being ill the only reason for Stephen kicking her out. I changed it when I wanted one more character (except for Keagan) to be bi. And made that the actual reason for being thrown out to be able to cause that twist. And honestly, I kind of like the way it turned out. See? There's a reason for everything!

**And in case I don't have time to update again within the next couple of weeks. Merry Christmas and happy New Year. Or as we say it over here- God jul och gott nytt år. **

**Happy holidays everybody **


	36. Game on!

**As I'm writing this about to start the chapter it's December the eighteenth. I'm not sure I'll be able to, but I'll try to get up the chapter before Christmas. Or at least before December, and this year is over. I'll try. But whether it's December or January, 2015 or 2016 when you read this. I hope all of you guys are great. And just having the times of your lives for this year's Christmas and New Year's. Stay awesome! **

**Lea-Marie POV **

I went to school early on Monday morning to have time for a swim before Math class started- ha! I could just as well have gone in regular time. I didn't care about neither math, nor that Mr. Jacobson, nor coming in time- sadly my dad did. And after I had bought that watch for Daniel he had just seemed so easily annoyed with me- much easier than before.

Ugh!

I didn't get why he was acting like he was. Dad could never have stayed annoyed with me for long. And looking at him with the exact same puppy eyes as my mum's he could never have told me no. And it was ages ago that thing with the watch had been.

I got out of the water and grabbed my towel from the bench close by. If I could have chosen I would just have stayed in the water, but I had things to do. And that required to get out earlier than it would have taken for me to just get dry and to my class.

After changing I threw with my head to the side coming out into the hallway and played with my still damp hair. Right by stood Avery Benson and his guys and I saw them glancing towards me. Somebody whistled, but I couldn't have cared less about them. I needed some way to get Daniel Vincent to notice me, and this time I had a waterproof plan. And right before I forced some fake tears out from the corners of my eyes I noticed him standing in the hallway, smiling as he read something on his phone.

"Daniel…"

Daniel looked up and smiled, but to my annoyance he wasn't looking at me. And before I had gotten closer to fake cry and get his attention and pity. The fact that he hadn't even heard me kept me busy for so long I just watched while he pressed the cellphone into his pocket and with a silly smile on his lips- still adorable though. He met up with a girl I couldn't see until she came out of the hallway that was out of my vision.

"Hey."

There wasn't a doubt that whoever Daniel was talking to it was someone who made him happy. And it wasn't a doubt he didn't notice me when I stepped out and saw that who he was talking to was Belle Jolie from Finn's army. Daniel signed something to her that I couldn't see and then Daniel walked a bit after Belle to the choir room. I followed trying to be normal so they wouldn't notice and then saw them go inside and looked through the window in the door.

I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I could see them holding each other's hands, I could only see the back of Belle's dark hair but on Daniel's face I could see a smile brighter than ever before and then my whole body was filled with anger when I saw him lean down slightly as they kissed- and that was for no way the way friends would ever kiss each other.

So, it was Delle? Daniel and Belle? Oh that girl… that b*tch. I was done! But I wasn't. I was Lea- Marie Hale and when I wanted something I made sure to get it. And I was determined to get Daniel Vincent. Steal him back as that Belle- girl had stolen him from me in the first place- they would see, everyone would see. I could make Daniel Vincent mine!

Game on!

**Belle POV **

_Hello soldiers _

_Sorry for being a bit late. But here on Tuesday morning I can finally write what I'm planning for this week's theme and I am really excited about this one. _

_This week we will singing to each other, to another person or to other people. It doesn't have to be anyone in the glee club. It can be your mum, dad, a sister, a brother, a friend, a dead great- great- great- grandparent or someone you don't like for that matter. Whatever you want to sing about is up to you. But I cannot wait to see what you have got. See you later. _

_-Mr. Blaine _

I looked up from the phone and fingered on the side of my locker. I had had my phone lying in it the whole forenoon and therefore didn't see Mr. Blaine's announcement until lunch when I went to put away the math and Spanish things. And right away my thoughts went to all the people I could sing to. Lenny? Mum? Dad? Shauna?

I was pretty new to this bit with being somebody's girlfriend. The only time I had been kissed before Wednesday was under a table at kindergarten. But still him must have been the one I thought of first as I just knew I wanted to do something for him- or wondering if he'd do something for me or… my phone buzzed with a text message and when I saw it was from Daniel the smile on my lips from already thinking about him grew bigger as I put it up over the screen.

_Can you meet on the stage in the auditorium now? You don't have to. But I want to show you something. _

_-Daniel _

I smiled to myself, to anyone else that first bit might have felt demanding or whatever. But I knew Daniel well enough to hear the somewhat mischievous tone in his words and put my phone back into my locker and then hurried to the stage. But was left disappointed for quite a few seconds as it was completely empty.

"Hello, beautiful." Daniel stepped out of the curtains smiling as usual. And when he looked at me I couldn't believe I had ever been able to not understand the right feelings I had for him. "You might wonder why I asked you to be here today and…" He held out his hand, I took it and couldn't help but to let hear a short giggle while he led me to sit in the audience chairs and then jumped up onto the stage again taking his guitar. "I just thought I… Well, we're in the glee club after all, so I need to sing a song about how I feel for a person so…" He took a few chords. "I hope you like it."

If I liked it, the smile on my face had gotten nervous wondering about what he had to show me and how on earth I would have to react to it. Nervousity that the reaction wouldn't come naturally and that it would cause something awkward. But I wouldn't have had to, the song was so sweet my heart just melted and the smile on my face became real and bigger- and bigger- and bigger.

The song was- to say at least written in a very creative way. And seeing dad smiling made me feel lucky I was sitting down while his hand moving up and down to play the guitar, a movement caught in the corner of my eye almost made me feel dizzy and faint. And while one part of me wanted this moment to last forever another part wanted it to be over now so I could once again go up to him, feel his hand holding mine and his arms around my shoulders. His lips towards mine and his other hand playing in my hair. I wanted him close- really close.

"That was really good."

Daniel smiled, kind of nervously and it made me feel weak in the knees when I made my way up to the stage. Spent a few seconds of doubt before I hugged him and let him embrace me- tightly. So it would last all the four hours there were left until it would be time for glee club and we could hug again.

Of course though, we couldn't do it then neither. For now when we would keep our relationship a secret, I just had to sit down next to him casually. Hoping for once that this rehearsal wouldn't last for very long. And got even more annoyed than otherwise when Mr. Blaine turned out to be late- again. Then almost hoped he couldn't come at all so I and Daniel could get to somewhere private.

"Hello soldiers." Mr. Blaine smiled when he came into the room and I had to suppress a moan. "For all of your information Christie's back home from the hospital. She's doing very well. However, she won't be back in school for a little bit. It will just have to take the time it takes. So, have anyone got a performance today?"

"I'm going first."

Lea-Marie didn't wait to hear if anyone else had anything to sing today. Of course she didn't- Queen Lea- Marie Hale was the center of the world. And she seemed to think so more than ever as she told Kayla what song she was doing as if she jus thought the pianist would know it just like that. Kayla nodded- she knew it and then placed her fingers towards the keys.

What Lea- Marie was wearing didn't even seem optional on a day in February. Especially not when it had been the so far coldest day this winter. And if she were to go outside her jeans shorts and crop shirts with the sneakers she was wearing she would probably freeze to death. It was actually pretty cold in here to as it was in many schools, but she didn't let it bother her as Kayla started playing and Lea- Marie started singing

I watched her make a few moves, or moves… Whatever to call them but moves I guess they were. Whatever to show off her body and her curves much as possible. Making sure she didn't move much from doing it right in front of Daniel, well. She wasn't exactly trying to hide the fact that she was madly in love with him while he wasn't exactly trying to hide the fact that he was far from feeling the same about her.

I had wanted to say something about what she was doing so badly, but I and Daniel had decided together for now that it would be for the best if we kept it secret. We had decided it was for the best if all of this turned out to be nothing but a fling. But for that reason only I wasn't sure it was because then I was a hundred percent sure this was for real.

And I felt it more than ever when I watched Lea- Marie lean forward over Daniel and grab the tie he was wearing to pull him after her out onto the floor towards the end of the song. And while still holding tight onto the purple piece of fabric and showing off her body as much as possible she pressed herself up against him during the last few words while Daniel's glare was ice cold looking down.

It had been feeling like the song would never be over. And especially knowing that Daniel was way too respectful to do anything against Lea- Marie or what she was doing to him during the performance. But as soon as it was over he took a step back, then without a word pulled off his tie and ripped it out of her hand before he returned to his seat next to me. While Lea- Marie's glare towards me seemed nothing else but evil.

Damn it! She knew.

The thought must have crossed my mind that something like this would have had to happen sooner or later. But still I must have been thinking that she wouldn't actually do something like that- how could I have been so stupid? But as much as I was stupid Lea- Marie was straight forward and selfish. So if this was the way she wanted to play…

Game on!

**Seth POV **

"Hi." On Thursday morning I had asked Charlotte to come into the choir room and let me sing something to her. "Are you ready?" I wiped my sweaty palms on my sweatpants and let her take a seat opposite from me. I sat on the piano with the guitar on my lap. And honestly, I wasn't so sure if I was ready. My heart was dunking hard and I could barely breathe.

Get yourself together Seth Phillips! Just start and then don't quit until the song is over and done.

Before I could hesitate again I took a tab on the guitar strings, then another one, and another one. The tabs were made into a melody. As for the one I started singing to. I could hear and feel my voice shivering as I started. I tried to calm down, and to at least keep my hands from shaking to be able to keep on playing. But it wasn't as simple as that.

Okay Seth. First verse only, this line. You can get through this line.

I stopped playing after only a few lines. My hands shaking too much to keep on playing. To make it seem like it was meant to be I put the guitar down and snapped my fingers as well as I could. But there wasn't any use- if you would ask me. Even if I had decided only to get through the first verse and refrain. It went what you would say in Swedish- bad so into hell.

"I gotta get to class."

I didn't have the time to more than finish the refrain until Charlotte got onto her feet and limped away, into the curtains and out of my sight before I had come up with anything to say. And the rest of the day, as soon as we saw each other in the hallway Charlotte seemed to ignore me. Damn it! I had been so close to having something!

I didn't have to more than come into the choir room that afternoon to notice there was something going on in between Bradon and Keagan as well. They would always sit together, chatter and laugh and God knows what else. But now they sat on each end of the group and didn't even look at each other.

I didn't have any more time to think about Bradon and Keagan's relationship, just as I had sat down the door opened again and Mr. Blaine came in with the usual smile on his face and question whether who would like to go first.

"I'd like to go first if that's okay with everybody." Esme raised her hand and glanced slightly to her side on which two girls I recognized but didn't know who they were sat. Mr. Blaine nodded and gestured. "Thanks." She stood up. "These are my sisters. Keira and Katrina and I will be singing a song for them." She pointed to the girls she had been sitting right by, one at the time before she turned to her bag and pulled out some sheet music. "Oh and by the way Seth. This song was made by a Swedish band. Here you go."

I only smiled slightly and shook my head. Cool if it really was Swedish though. But I didn't really care that much for who was Swedish, American or Kenyan for that matter. So I just watched Esme hand the sheet music to Mr. Dom, Mr. Jonas read over his shoulder and with a questing look to Esme held up his harmonica. Esme shook her head- it seemed she only wanted to have the guitar playing. Mr. Jonas just smiled to show it was okay, pushed the harmonica into his pocket again and waited for his brother to start.

Swedish or not- I hadn't ever heard this song before. It was good though, and seeing the way Esme smiled when she sang it and looked to her sisters was far from enough to make me smile. Charlotte had also gotten a weird and kind of distant look in her eyes. And for a minute I wondered if she was thinking about her and her sister Frances as the song progressed to be about sisters.

There was something with the song and Sharon as well. She would always have a certain look in her eyes whenever Esme sang something. But it was stronger this time- maybe Esme and Sharon had been two of all of those girls that were best friends so to the point they counted themselves as sister. Well- if Esme were to never forgive Sharon we were to never know.

We could all see Sharon hand the sheet music to Kayla while Esme's sisters left the room with the promise that Esme would talk to them after school. Sharon then signed to Mr. Jonas and Mr. Dom they could skip this song. Sharon sat down on the piano chair by Kayla and took a deep and heavy breath until she said something to the pianist that none of us others could hear. So the song started.

This song turned out to be the second song today I had never heard before. But the sort of being so simple with only piano and the sound of Sharon's voice with the slow and beautiful lyrics. Made the song give impression of something who had done wrong, wanted to make up and make friends (Or more) with the one she was singing it to.

We all knew what was going on in between Sharon Fischer and Esme Montague by now. And thinking about it always made me feel kind of sad. I had moved to Lima just last summer, but for what we had seen in pictures and the stories I had been told they must have been the very best of friends. And even if it didn't really have anything to do with me. Stories about friendships that were ruined always kind of broke my heart- and this song didn't exactly heal it.

The last tone hadn't more than run out before Esme more or less jumped onto her feet, grabbed onto Sharon's hand and pulled her with her out into the hallway. After it left a silence so thick if anyone were to drop a feather we could have heard it fall to the floor. And it seemed to be hours before Mr. Blaine sighed, stood up and got out onto the floor before he turned to all of us.

"Have anyone else got a song? No? Well, then. I'll see you tomorrow."

As soon as everybody started standing up to get out of the room and the school Charlotte disappeared in the crowd. Not so much because there was a crowd but more because I had brought the bag and jacket with me so I had to get everything and then I dropped the beanie and had to pick it up and anyone would get the picture. So until I caught up with her in the hallway on the way towards the entrance doors and quickly tried to find the right words.

"When will you get it Shar?" Before I had the time we walked past Esme and Sharon that had hidden behind some lockers. "You can't play the victim here. So stop doing that. All of this is your fault. And I never want to see you ever again."

With that Esme stomped down the hallway and left Sharon crying in the corner. I and Charlotte had stopped- curiously, not proud of it but we had. And I took a step forward to go and talk to Sharon but stopped myself when I couldn't come up with anything to say. Then before I had made up my mind about what I should do Sharon had disappeared into another hallway and I froze for a couple of seconds. Until I saw Charlotte had continued and I caught up with her again. Speaking the words that came to mind before I could hesitate.

"I'm sorry if I was… Well, too fast forward- I hope you get what I mean… This morning. I know it was awkward and everything. That was never my intention- of course. I just…" I bit my lip trying to figure what I should say next. "…I hoped you'd be happy and…" I could see Charlotte was smiling, shyly but obviously very much for real. "What do you want to say?"

"You weren't… I'm just… It was great. You're really sweet." She smiled again and blushed a bit. Next she looked away and shook her head so the long bangs fell into her eyes. "I thought it was good. I really did…. And…" She took a deep, shaky breath. "Okay… I like you. I really do. But… the problem is me…"

"Don't say that." I interrupted. "Look… I don't care how long it will take. I like you, you like me, all of that jazz. And then… we'll ignore what's happened before okay? Take it from now and however long it takes…"

I smirked a bit nervously and weighed a bit back and forth whether I should say the next I had planned or not. Then I changed my smile and looked to Charlotte. And tried to make it sound like I wanted it to sound like when I was trying to joke… And hoped I'd light up the bit of awkward tension still in between us whenever we talked. Then as I realized we were only a couple of meters away from her driveway I decided to go for it.

"Game on!"

**Bradon POV **

Walking alone through the hallways on Friday I felt worse than ever about what had happened on last Wednesday's prom. I hated being alone and not being able to talk to my best friend. I hated the fact that I had kissed him- or he had kissed me. I wasn't so sure how it had happened but we had kissed and I absolutely hated myself for it. Since then the atmosphere in between us had been so awkward we hadn't talked to each other.

"Keagan." At last I gathered all of my strength and walked up to him by the lockers. "I know what happened but… you're my best friend. Can't we just pretend that kiss never happened and go back to the way we were?" I stopped myself from babbling, Keagan sighed. And then turned his concentration to his phone and I did the same with mine that like his had buzzed with a text message.

_Please come to the choir room. I and Mady have got something to show you before the weekend starts_

_-Benjamin _

"You know Keags…" I started and followed him. "…Belle tricked Seth. And even though he forgave her and everything. They still haven't been going back to the way they were. Martina kind of abandoned Daniel when she met that Xenia. But they don't really matter. They didn't know each other for long anyway. Then there's Esme and Sharon. They have been best friends forever and now they haven't talked for months. I don't want that to be us. You're my best friend."

While I was talking we had made our way through the hallway. More of old habit than anything else we sat down next to each other. I waited anxiously for Keagan's answer but he didn't have the time to say anything before Mr. Blaine came into the room and Benjamin, who stood in front of us with Mady started talking.

"Well," he spoke. "This song goes out for all of you." He nodded to Kayla who started playing, and then took Mady's hand and looked down at her when he sang the first verse. Then only smiled when she started singing the second verse.

Madison Heedie would never fail to make all of us smile- well, everyone except for a certain Italian who didn't seem to smile at anything ever. And with every new thing at least I promised myself that what she did was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. Which would mostly be each and every time I met her. And so this time too when we watched her and Benjamin do their song, but as they got closer and closer to the end. Mady' looked more and more depressed and sung more and more quietly- it was so unlike Mady!

"Benny." Mady almost whimpered as soon as the last tone had rung out and Benjamin stayed on his knees as he had been sitting to be at Mady's height. "I don't think I am a hero." Benjamin frowned, and obviously knew something we didn't. He said something to her, too quietly for us others to hear. Mady nodded while Benjamin sat up more straight and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"Is it just me..." Keagan leaned closer to me and started, and I felt something happy in me that he didn't sound awkward anymore. "Or has there been something up with Mady ever since their house burned down? I mean that would be understandable but something more… I've got a weird feeling!"

"It's not just you." I whispered back. "I noticed too, and if I know you right you're not gonna let it be until you've found out." Keagan nodded, and I knew exactly what that look in his eyes meant. "You're going to do everything to find out aren't you?" He nodded.

"Game on!"

**Well, Lea- Marie is annoyed. Now because her dad is still annoyed with her for buying that expensive watch. And now even more so because she's in love with Daniel. And wow! Belle will not be popular after this! Belle and Daniel are so in love it's like crazy. But still a bit stiff and awkward and they're trying to keep it secret for now. Now Lea- Marie is trying everything she can for making Daniel hers and we all know she won't give up. Then Seth and Charlotte both know perfectly well they want to and should be a couple but things just aren't going their way. Neither for Sharon as Esme is still furious with her. But at least Seth and Charlotte aren't giving up. At the same time Keagan and Bradon kissed, but knew it was the best to keep what they used to be- best friends I mean. Martina kind of abandoned Daniel when she met Xenia. But more important, there is something up with Mady and Keagan won't give up until he finds out what it is. **

**Playlist **

Daniel- Rocket ship- Shane Harper  
Lea-Marie- …Baby one more time- Britney Spears  
Sharon- Dancing in the dark- Jessy  
Seth- All of me- John Legend  
Esme- Sisters in arms- Calaisia  
Benjamin/ Mady- There's a hero- Billy Gilman

**Morgan- Lea-Marie's dad is portrayed by Mark Ruffalo and made by IloveheartlandX. Avery Benson is portrayed by David Avery. Mr. And Mrs. Jolie are portrayed by Don Cheadle and Kerry Washington and Lenny by Nathan Stewart- Jarrett and those are made by GleekFreak908 while Shauna is made by me and portrayed by Zendaya. Keira is portrayed by Vanessa Marano and Katrina by Phoebe Tonkin and they are made by Lorelai Sofia Petrova. Charlotte's sister Frances is portrayed by Dove Cameron and made by JoshiferJennoist. Xenia is portrayed by Willa Holland. **

**I'm not sure the theme of this chapter makes sense at all but I kind of liked the idea of it so I decided to keep it anyway. **

**So, as you can see I didn't manage to get it done and up before Christmas but hey. I hope you thought it was alright anyway. I hope you all had a great Christmas and that Santa granted all of your wishes. **

**See you next time! **

**I might not update as much as I have done earlier after now. We have just moved houses and honestly I've gotten a bit tired of fanfiction. But I won't abandon anything. So I hope I can keep you all happy anyway. And I will still update as soon as I have new chapters ready. **

**Random fact **

There are actually a few songs in this chapter that does mean a bit to me. Rocket ship is just one great song. …Baby one more time I used to sing with a friend when we were younger. Dancing in the dark I had on replay during some hard times. Sisters in arms- well, I have a sister. What more do I need to say? And there's a hero since it was my solo on my confirmation.


	37. Sisters and brothers

**Hello. Without any further ado, I hope you like this chapter. **

**Lea-Marie POV **

_This week is- and will in glee club be for eating disorder awareness. However, we won't be doing songs about just eating disorders. I want you to do songs about standing together, keep holding on. You are beautiful and to never stop fighting. Do you get what I mean? Good! Then I'll see you all tomorrow._

_-Mr. Blaine _

I threw my phone on my bedside table. It was Monday evening February the twenty sixth. Mr. Blaine had just announced what we were going to do for this week's glee club. And I was lying across a chair in the delivery department at Lima memorial hospital, not that I cared much though.

I sighed deeply, I was Lea-Marie Hale and I didn't care for anyone or anything. I just cared for looking good (not that I would have to make much of an effort), getting what I wanted and making Daniel Vincent mine. But tonight it didn't seem like that. I tried not to care much for it, but Marion's screams in agony from just down the hall I couldn't just shut out. And neither could I the knowledge that from tonight on, no one else but me would care for me anymore.

I threw my hair over my shoulder and pulled my headphones out of my pocket. Screw that my baby brother or sister was just about to be born. I could listen to music anyway, and when I turned the music up loud it finally shut the sounds of the rest of the world out. And with the sounds of Keisha White's someday streaming into my head. I closed my eyes and curled up in that chair leaning against the wall.

"Lea… Lea-Marie."

I hadn't noticed I'd even fallen asleep until I felt dad shaking my shoulder and heard his voice. When I drowsily looked up I saw him sweaty and with his hair pointing in all possible directions. On his lips was the brightest smile I'd ever seen though. And I felt a clench in my stomach that I knew that nothing of that was for me anymore.

"Do you want to come meet your little… brother?"

I might or might not have been too tired and drowsy to make protests if I wanted to. But during the few steps down the hall and into the room on the right I felt my head going clearer and more alert. And also my heart beating fast, and hard. Which only got worse until I had followed dad into the mostly dark hospital- room.

"Hi." Marion looked tired and worn-out where she sat on the bed with my baby brother in her arms. "He's asleep now. But come here and look." I stopped, I didn't get where it came from but suddenly I just had the strangest feeling that I needed to be very quiet and careful. "Don't worry." Marion was almost whispering, but still smiling. "He won't break."

I carefully and slowly took one step closer after another. And it was like a reflex because I couldn't get myself to walk faster. Then until I stopped by the bed and Marion held my brother so I could see him. As she had told me he was asleep now. But seeing him, every little piece of him with a thick thatch of dark hair on top- made shivers go through my spine and my heart was beating harder and faster than ever.

"What's his name?" Suddenly, I wanted to know everything. What was his name? What things would he like to do? What food would he like? What would his voice be like? But I had to start from the beginning. And frowned when I could see dad and Marion glancing and then nodding to each other. And even though there was another thing I wanted to know seeing that, I couldn't get myself to ask before dad spoke up again.

"Lea… Honey… We…" Dad cleared his throat. "We were wondering if you would like to decide on a name for him. We will have a say too of course. But as long as… as you're keeping it… realistic… we'd like you to decide on one. Would you like that?"

"Look at that." Marion said with a small smirk. "I never thought I'd see Lea- Marie Hale speechless. Here, do you want to hold him?"

"I…" I managed to stutter at last as dad led me to an arm chair by the window and carefully placed the baby in my arms and showed me how to hold. "…I need to think about it."

With that I turned towards the window and didn't keep track of time sitting like that. I might have been sitting there for hours, but my brother didn't wake up a single time and neither did I try and wake him. I could have been sitting there forever with the rest of the world shut out and just… been, and prayed.

I had prayed.

Oh Lord!

I had prayed so many times. For my mum to get better, for her to return. For not having to leave Italy for America, for anyone caring about me. For being able to really get what I wanted. But not until now sitting with my newborn brother in my arms I remembered the prayers that must have been the first ones after I learned everything there was to pray. For the only thing I had really wanted right then

…_Dear great big God. Mum told me I could tell you exactly what I wanted and I might get it. And I don't really want a new doll, or a new bracelet. Even though I keep on asking my dad for it. I don't even need my own TV- What I really want is just a tiny little sister. Sincerely Lea- Marie Hale… _

I had wanted mostly a baby sister then. And even though I hadn't exactly wished for a little sibling now I had somewhere deep inside been wishing for a sister now too. But sitting by that hospital window with my baby brother fast asleep towards my chest I couldn't have been happier. And he couldn't have been more perfect.

"Dad." I whispered and looked back towards the bed where dad had put his head down next to Marion. Both were fast asleep, and even though it made me kind of nervous at first when I turned back and looked towards the skies filled with stars I was filled with a calm so thick and warm I couldn't have fought it if I tried.

I smiled, looked back at the sleeping couple and started singing. Only just more than hummed on a song for my baby brother thinking back and forth about what dad and Marion had asked me to do. I had been certain all my life it felt like.

I knew that dad or Marion might not like the name. But I also knew the name was very special for my dad, and I knew I would get it my way anyhow. So the name I decided on it would be… And it was the perfect name for the perfect baby brother. And I never knew I could love anyone as much as when I looked down at his soft forehead and dark, thick hair and then whispered his name under my breath.

_Christian _

**Jasper POV **

"Hello soldiers." Mr. Blaine was as usual smiling coming walking into the choir room on Thursday. "Are everybody here? Oh and as of it looks right now- Christie will be back in school on Monday. So are… Where is Lea-Marie?"

"I don't know." Benjamin replied. "I can usually hear whenever she's around about her Horrid Heedie. But now that I think about it I haven't seen her all day."

"Neither have I." Dakota continued. "Maybe she's ill or something. Not that I care much for it anyway." He shrugged and then leaned back in his chair. "I guess no one here likes her. So can we just get on?"

"I don't like Lea-Marie either." Mady replied. "But that doesn't mean I want her to get ill. What if something happened to her? What if she…" Mady silent and something dark could be seen in her eyes- once again reminding of that terrible time that Mady had found out about her dad's passing. "I mean… I… I don't like her but…"

"Don't worry about it Mads." Benjamin patted her back. "I'm sure she's fine. You don't worry about it yeah?" For a second he leaned his cheek against Mady's head and rubbed her arm. "I'm with Dakota though." He sat up straight again. "I'm really excited to see what anyone's got for this theme so maybe we should just get on. Maybe Lea will pop up in just a second. It wouldn't be the first time she was late anyways."

"Okay, okay." Mr. Blaine interrupted. "We'll start now. And I know you guys don't like Lea- Marie." He looked around as if to make sure Lea-Marie wasn't there. "I don't do so neither at some times. But I think we should just move on… and after all- she is one of us! Anyway, has anyone got a song to do?" I raised my hand. "Mr. Birch… the floor's yours."

I gave Mr. Blaine a quick nod and took my guitar from the floor. Then got to jump to sit on the piano. And I couldn't shake the weird feeling in my stomach off. It was like something was telling me I wasn't doing this right. And despite how much I really liked this song, and had thought it would be perfect when I found out what Mr. Blaine had planned. Although, now I wasn't that sure.

I had asked Evie to say what she had thought, she had said it would suit but had gotten a weird expression and had left my room as quickly as possible. Now. Seeing that expression over and over and over again for my inner vision I forced myself to just go for it and started taking the right tabs on the guitar and then started singing.

I tried not to think about that a couple of the others had gotten the same weird expression as Evie yesterday. Then made sure I played the song right, but couldn't wait for it to be over and waited nervously for hearing their words about it- not that I had to wait for long.

"Isn't the song sung to women who are fat? Like literally so fat you can't call them curvy they are fat?" Dakota asked. "Isn't that 'the butterfly lounge' like a bar where girls that are skinny can't even get in? I mean what's better in that than discriminating people that are obese."

"I don't… I mean… I chose it because…" I stuttered. But for some reason what Dakota had said made me unsure about what to reply. "The reason I chose it was because…"

"Yeah, Dakota's kind of has a point." Martina agreed. "I mean, the whole world has gotten on their brains so much that curvy or even obese women needs to accept themselves that we throw dirt on anyone who's skinny. That song you just sung is quite a few years old and probably made some time before it got like this but think about it. That song is still only sung to big women. That they are beautiful- as if you would be so any less if you were skinny."

"That's not what I meant I…"

Well, I guess here was where that weird feeling came from.'

"I've got one too. Here. Can I borrow your guitar?"

I didn't get the chance to explain what I had really been trying to say. And honestly didn't think it would be too hard. I shook my head at Seth's question turned to me. I didn't quite know why but I could sense him watching me while I sat down among the others again and put the guitar into its case on the floor.

"Well, just so you know…" Seth had been talking to Mr. Dom and then came back to stand in front of all of us others. "…Jasper, I think you did great. And… I think this song could tell you all about what I think Jasper wanted to say…" Seth smirked towards Charlotte and then signed to Kayla to start on the piano.

I recognized the song by the first tone. I loved it, I had been singing it to Evie and mum God knows how many times- probably a billion. Then my dad would come along and sing with me and we all would just love the song- it was filled of happy memories. Happier than all others but now as I heard it I was just filled with anger. And I wanted the song to stop now, and I wanted everyone to hate his as they hated mine… which of course they didn't!

"Oh my God!" Martina stated as Seth barely had the time to finish. "Why are you so damn talented?"

Seth smiled, and then looked to Charlotte whose smile wasn't big. But turned only towards the boy in front of her. Seth then smiled bigger and turned to Mr. Blaine who had come up to him and was talking about something that I couldn't hear. Not that I didn't hear that it was good though. And the others' compliments were haling over him while I just sat there, still and silent with my hands shoved deeply and kind of angrily into my pockets.

With everyone beaming over Seth only minutes after I had done one of my favorites as good as I could. I didn't want to, but felt a slight sting of jealousy in my stomach. And no matter how much I hated to admit it, couldn't help to compare it to the feeling I got whenever I was trying to tell my parents something and they never did care as much for mine as for Evie's.

I bit my lip- I hated feeling like this. But more than anything, I hated that in the shadow of my sister, and talented people all around- I would kind of have to from time to time. Or more likely quite often. So with that, and Mr. Blaine's newest announcement I stood up with the others, and threw the shoulder strap of my guitar case around my shoulders while I left the room.

Walking through the hallway I was feeling very tired. I could feel a light pounding beneath my forehead warning for the worst headache of the year. But looking up, a few meters in front of me I could see Evie hurrying across the hallway and into another one with her blonde hair covering her face from where I stood. Although, I didn't need much else than seeing how she was walking to know that there was something wrong- very wrong.

I would mostly have wanted to go straight home and get into my bed. But with a sigh I followed my sister- she was more important right now. She always was!

**Benjamin POV **

"Hello soldiers." Mr. Blaine greeted as usual coming into the choir room on Thursday. "Wow! It feels like it was yesterday I started all of this and now it's March." He jumped up to sit on the piano and put the bag next to him. "So… I guess the start of this week was… interesting. But if anybody else have got a song I would love if we could just start over and… Martina? The floor is yours." He jumped down from the piano again and with a slight smile on his lips and the bag in his hands went to sit down with us others.

Martina had handed Mr. Dom and Kayla the sheet music. Then laughed at Mr. Jonas who pretended to be angry that he couldn't help with quite as many songs as his brother and sister- well. What would he expect? He played saxophone and harmonica!

I smiled at when the intro started. And so did Martina, and even though I didn't look around. I knew so did most people in here. But still- to me it felt like something was weird. And it took a great part of the song until I realized that Martina wasn't wearing- as far as I could see, a single piece of makeup. And with how much her Goth style would otherwise require much of it.

"That was great." Mr. Blaine beamed when the song was over and done. "And you look beautiful."

"Aw, thanks." Martina smirked, but I could see she really took his words in. "I mean- I guess that song is about that… don't try too hard. Well, duh! But… gah! We shouldn't put so much effort into changing ourselves. Whether it is for that we are insecure about our weight or eye color or skin or whatever. So… I figured it could be a part of the act not to wear makeup for one day… It feels really weird though." She smirked again and then went to sit back down next to Daniel. "Haven't anyone else got a song?"

The room fell silent, and nobody else had anything so we left for the day. Dakota needed to go grocery shopping or whatever. So we walked in two directions. Although, I couldn't help walking down the street how quiet my sister was- and she would usually talk a lot!

"What's up Mads? You're so quiet."

"So… loads of girls think they're fat. Even though they're not." I nodded and hid a smile. My sister was only six, but she would understand so much more than what people thought. "So… if they think they're fat and they're not… Am I fat? I am right? Everyone I know are skinnier than me!"

"Mads. You are not fat." I turned, took her hands and sat down on my knees on the pavement. "And even if you were I wouldn't care. You are you, and I am me. And that's all I would ever want us to be." Mady giggled at my rhyming. "Now…" I hadn't finished speaking before Mady's got a weird expression on her face. "What?"

"Do you still want me to be me? Now when it's my fault that our house burned down?"

I didn't reply verbally at first. I just hugged Mady as tight as I possibly could. Held her tight while she sniveled towards my shoulder and ignored the cold early- spring- air. We might have been standing like that for several minutes before any of us spoke again. And despite the fact that Mady would usually chatter way much more than me I was the first.

"Madison May Heedie is the best in the whole wide world. You are my sister and don't you dare change a single thing about you. You are my sister and therefore I will hide the truth about the fire with everything that I have if it makes you feel safe. You are my sister. Because you are you, and I am me. And that is all I would want us to be."

**Charlotte POV **

_Can you meet me in the choir room for an extra rehearsal today at a quarter past three? You won't regret it._

_-Mr. Blaine _

I put my phone back into my pocket after triple checking Mr. Blaine's Facebook announcement. I would have been meant to still be in English class. But had asked to go to the bathroom and since there was so little left of class I had gotten to say that I wouldn't return before the end of the day.

Instead of going to the bathroom, I went into the choir room. Hoping to just get one single thing done before the bell rang and every other soldier of Finn's army would come in here. So without any further ado I plugged my phone into the speaker and put the instrumental for the right song on.

It was a big song, with really, really high notes. It probably didn't sound too good but I think I hit all of the right notes in the right way- not that I could have made it sound right though. I just wanted to do a song about breaking out and coming back. But I hadn't wanted to do it with anyone else in here, it would only lead to questions awkward to answer. And I did certainly not need that.

"Hey." Just as the bell sounded loud through the hallways of William McKinley high school and the song ended I could hear a voice I very much recognized behind me and spun around. "Skipping class are we… yeah, don't worry about it. I won't tell anybody…" She gave a slight smirk. "Maybe… if you give me something in ret…"

"Hello." Mr. Blaine came onto the stage and smiled at us. And interrupted before Frances had finished and told me what she wanted. I discreetly pulled the phone away from the speakers to act like I had just come and crossed my fingers Frances would want something badly enough not to tell anyone I had skipped class to come here.

Next things to be moving fast and I was in the middle of it all only very, very confused. Frances sat down in the audience and was going to watch the group performance Mr. Blaine had planned, one after one the soldiers of Finn's army dropped in, then sheet music were handed out. Seth had the solos and the rest Mr. Blaine had written on the sheets, and then it started.

I could see Mr. Blaine smiling towards me when we came to the refrain where everybody- including I made their voices heard. A bit mysteriously, as if he did mean something with all of this that he hadn't told- and even though I didn't think I would have admitted it, I was really curious on what it could be. Although I ignored it and concentrated back onto the song.

I tried so hard to believe the lyrics. Wanted to believe I wasn't the only one that wouldn't be counting calories and standing in front of the mirror with my shirt pulled up every day sighing over how much I hated my belly, hated my thighs and actually hated every single part of my body. I wanted to believe that even if I felt all of that I wouldn't be alone.

Music was a funny thing for certain! If someone would have told me yesterday- or just five minutes ago that I would be standing here. Singing and listening to a song with these lyrics, so much happier than three minutes ago. Finally not feeling alone, but as a part of everything. I wouldn't have believed them, but now I did- and I would have never wanted it to end.

It did end though!

"You know this song sucks." Lea- Marie stated about half a second after the song had ended "What should I care anyway? I don't care about eating disorders… and I certainly do not care about anyone who states they've got one. Everyone knows such things are only for attention anyway! Miss Boohoo- I'm- Charlotte- Amato- and- my- life- sucks more than anyone!"

I could have punched Lea-Marie Hale for stating that!

Never before had I had such a strong urge to just break out of my shell. Shout and do whatever it took, just to make her see. No- just to make everyone see! What did she know about that? What did any of the people in here know about it? Had they been there? Had they been where they sat with a plate of whatever dinner in front of them. Wanted to eat- wanted nothing else but to just be good enough. But couldn't decide what would do so? What did they know about getting on the scale in the middle of the night so that nobody would hear? What did they know about only one kilo more, only one kilo more? Then it will be fine! Then I will be good enough!

"Excuse me." My sister's voice interrupted my thoughts and pulled me back to reality. "I know you Lea. I know that you know what kind of things I know about you. I know that you know that I know things that could destroy your reputation in this whole school, this whole town. And if you ever dare say such things about my sister again I won't give it a doubt. So- don't- you- even- dare…"

Couldn't Lea-Marie just have stayed at home a bit longer? Instead of coming here, not saying a word to anyone about why she had been gone (I would have bet anything she had pretended to be ill or something) and only acting like she was so much better and more important than anyone else. I hated her!

I hated her! I hated her more than I could remember ever hating anyone or anything ever before!

I hated her!

Suddenly the hate for Lea-Marie was the only thing I could feel or think. That until I realized that Frances had protected me. Even I knew how easily also her reputation could be destroyed. But she had done it anyway. And I felt a slight pinch of happiness in my gut watching Lea-Marie go bright red, and then spinning around and stomping out of the room.

"So…" I whispered to my sister. "…What do you want from me for what you did before and now?" Frances smiled, and for the first time in God knows how long tenderly laid her arm around my shoulders and whispered back.

"I don't want anything back. You're my sister and I'd do it all again."

**So. Lea- Marie is officially a big sister. And even though she has been worried that her dad won't care for her anymore now. All of that just seems to have disappeared once she falls in love with her baby brother. There's also something special about the name Christian… hmmmm… I'm going to take a guess that it's got nothing to do with Christie… Then it's Jasper's part and nobody knows yet of Lea-Marie's little brother. They don't like Lea-Marie much anyway. Jasper gets angry when nobody seems to like what he did. But mostly jealous actually because what he does or feels just doesn't matter. Maybe to himself the very least. Oh and- this thing in between Charlotte and Seth almost seems to be moving forward. Even though they're either still kind of shy- or really shy as of Charlotte. Mady being weird have got something to do with the fire and she keeps stating it's her fault. The big question is- what did happen at the time that fire started? Although, after all. Benjamin and Mady have still got each other and that is what matters. Next, Charlotte is on her way back. And despite everything. Frances still loves her little sister while Charlotte loves her older one. Even though Lea-Marie is still nothing but a… 'insert suiting word here' **

**Playlist  
**Lea-Marie- When you believe- Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston  
Jasper- Big girl (You are beautiful)- Mika  
Seth- Just the way you are- Bruno Mars  
Martina- Try- Colbie Caillat  
Charlotte- Phoenix- Molly Sandén  
Group-Not alone- RED

**Mr. Hale is portrayed by Mark Ruffalo. Marion by Rachel Blanchard. They are both made by IloveheartlandX. Evie is portrayed by Charlotte Salt, Mr. Birch by Alex Walkinshaw and Mrs. Birch by Alex Kingston and they are made by x snow-pony x. Mady is portrayed by Sarah Grace Morris. Jonas is portrayed by Aaron Ashmore. Dom is portrayed by Shawn Ashmore and is made by LocalXmusicXjellybeanX and Kayla by GleeJunkie007 and portrayed by Kira Kosarin. Frances is portrayed by Dove Cameron and made by JoshiferJennoist **

**I know the others' reactions to Jasper's song may be a bit out of character and weird. But it was probably from one person starting and then the others just agreeing. I hope you liked it more than I did. **

**Random fact **

I don't remember the exact reason on why I wanted to do a week for eating disorder awareness. But I figured it might be a mix- Charlotte suffered from an eating disorder so I figured I could do it and found that the last week of February was for it. And as well that eating disorders are nothing but terrible. And also way too common.

**See you next time! **


	38. Girl power

**Hello guys. It's me again (Well, duh!) here's another chapter. I hope you like it.**

**Oh and after putting up the last chapter I realized I had pretty much written nothing apart from what happened in the glee club rehearsals. So I'm going to try and make that better and not stress with the chapters as much as I did then. I'm sorry about that so…. Let's just get to the chapter. **

**Christie POV **

When I walked through the hallways of McKinley the first time after my surgery it felt very odd!

I had had so many feelings spinning in my head since my birthday since February the seventh, my birthday and the day for the transplant that I hadn't even known where to turn. And right now I didn't know where to turn- literally!

It felt as if everyone were looking at me. Either they knew what had happened to me and just wanted to look at me thinking here comes the girl who almost died until a month ago, or they stared at me because I was half the size of everybody else in the hall. Or they stared just to stare

Who would I think I was fooling? I was medically a dwarf as I was shorter than the hundred and fifty centimeters it would take not to be. Everyone would stare at me only because of that- I looked like a seven year old for Christ's sake. Why would I be walking in a high school's hallways?

I sighed deeply, well- I would be walking in a high school's hallways since I was twice the age of what I looked like. And by now I guess every student and teacher knew that despite looking like a lost student from Mady Heedie's elementary school I actually belonged here.

With another deep sigh I went over to my locker, unlocked and opened it and looked to the schedule I had taped onto the inside of the door. Great! I had science next. The subject that I hated the very most of all the subjects I hated! Of all the things I hated in this school that I hated.

With one last deep sigh I reached into my locker and grabbed the right books. On the way back I flinched and grabbed onto the door to my locker when the scar burned with a wrong movement- again!

I hadn't known what sort of reactions it would get from the people who knew me here when I was back. After all several of them knew that I had had one foot in the grave the whole of the last term. Through most of my life actually and now I didn't anymore. But I think I would have preferred no reactions at all to people whispering behind my back and turning in the halls to look at me. It really felt as if everyone stared at me!

"Well hello." When I came into the science classroom someone actually spoke to me for the first time since I'd stepped out of Blaine's car this morning and the teacher- Miss Leonard smiled at me from her place behind the teacher's desk. "Very nice to see you again." She smiled at me, in the exact same way as anyone who knew I was ill would- and God I hated that smile! "How are you feeling?"

"I'm good."

Without a word too much I turned towards the back of the classroom where I sat down in a corner and put my books up. Now I would just have to get through the rest of the day without looking any other of the people I knew into the eyes. I would never have admitted it, but knowing how I had made everyone worry shattered my heart into pieces. And I hated myself for it.

I shook my head and looked down into my books. And I must actually have sat like that until the end of class when I had to look up and then pulled up my phone when in the same moment as I walked out into the hallway it buzzed with a Facebook alert in the Finn's army group.

_I need to see you all. Can you come into the choir room at twelve fifteen, if you've got class then I'll talk to your teachers later. Please be there  
-Mr. Blaine _

I put the phone down into my pocket again, then looked down on my watch even though I must have known it would be hours until it was time for glee. And with that, I could have thanked God that we had maths with Mr. Jacobson next- everybody hated Mr. J. He was rude and old fashioned, there were one rumor after the other that he had been in prison. But after all he was just an old man who was stuck in some century where students didn't matter. He didn't care about any of his students so he wouldn't care that I was back and…

"Well hello miss Kyemohr. How are you feeling?"

Damn!

When I came into the choir room during lunch break most of the others were already there. And when I walked in I could feel everybody's eyes on me. And I knew exactly what they were thinking. Not that I cared about it though! I didn't care of any of them as a matter of fact. I really didn't.

I looked down, and then went to slump down into the chair (As good as I could slump down anywhere right now. That wasn't very recommended with aching scars) in the front row just as Bradon and Keagan came walking into the room.

"Christie!" Keagan beamed with a big smile on his lips. "How great. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine."

I was aware that I had sounded rude to someone who had sounded very nice and happy. Not that I cared about it though. What on earth was I thinking earlier that I'd feel bad for worrying everyone? I didn't feel bad! I didn't feel bad for anything! I was Christie Natalie Kyemohr for heaven's sake! And I did not feel bad!

"Hello everybody." I had been so gone into my own thoughts I hadn't noticed Blaine coming into the room until he started speaking and I flinched. Which he didn't seem to notice thankfully. "Thank you all for coming and first. I'd like to welcome Christie back to school and the glee club." He smiled with his whole face towards me and started clapping his hands- the others didn't hesitate to follow his example and they gave me a round of applause. I mostly just wanted the ground to disappear under me and sink through the floor of embarrassment. "It's good to have you back." He took a deep breath and gazed over the whole group. "For good this time."

I forced myself not to snort. Anyone of us in here could step out in front of a bus tomorrow and it would all be over. That I was here for good was just as realistic that the others would. And I wished with all of me that Blaine would just get on with what he was trying to say.

"We all know what happened to you Chris before the surgery and… It seems nothing but a miracle- a very lucky miracle that you're here today. However…." Blaine continued and his voice took another, deeper and more serious tone. "Christie's here. And Chris… you will get chances to do everything that you might want…" I felt my cheeks burn. Did he have to take this in front of the whole glee club? "…Some people don't so…" He turned away from me- finally! "…Daniel… I'd like you to… choose a theme for this week. Although not for yourself… I'd like you to think out something that your sister would have wanted. You don't have to do it now. But if you could write it in our Facebook group or come to me with it at the latest tomorrow it would be great. So… This week will show through Daniel and Angelica Vincent. Whatever that may be. Because you Dan, have got free…"

"Anti-bullying."

"Hands…." Daniel had interrupted Blaine in the middle of a sentence and Blaine started with finishing it. "What did you say?"

"Anti-bullying. I want this week to be for anti- bullying. It's what Angelica would have wanted."

"Well anti- bullying- week it is. Yes, Seth?"

"The first song that popped in my mind I actually know so… can I do it here and now?" Blaine glanced over all of us, waiting to see if anyone had any protests to make. And then when no one didn't he nodded to Seth. "Thanks." Seth stepped down from the chairs whistling (My God! Isn't whistling the most annoying sound in the world?) And found a guitar before he jumped up on the piano. "Well… I guess you all know Eurovision song contest… Well this big, European…" (Duh!) "… Contest where one band or singer competes with one song for every country. I don't think it's done like that in every country but in Sweden they do this thing called melodifestivalen- translated straight to the melody festival. And then there are four competitions with different songs and there two songs go to the finals and two to the second chance. Then it's the second chance where one or two songs more go to the finals, and they're chosen by everyone calling or texting different numbers where one number is one vote for the song with that number. And then it's the finals where one is the winner and goes to Eurovision. I don't know if they do it still…"

"Ugh!" Lea-Marie moaned (Seriously. Does she ever do anything but moan?) "Just get to the freaking point."

"Yeah…" Seth seemed a bit shaken but continued. "Then they have this competition which only has one competition before the big song contest and the competes are between eight and sixteen years of age. And the… second year I think- not sure. The one that went for Sweden was about bullying so… Yes, the song is in Swedish. I'll post a translation on Facebook later today so…" He took a chord. "Now when all of that is covered…"

"Finally"

Seth didn't mind about Lea-Marie's comment. Ha! Maybe because he knew the explanation had taken like a year before he started the song and none of us remembered a single word of it anyway because there was so much. Of course, none of us (Except Seth and maybe Bradon, Jasper maybe a little) did understand a word of the song. But it was clearly emotional of the way Seth made his voice sound from one sound to the other. And I probably would never have admitted it- but during the last few lines I did get chills.

"Wow." Blaine clapped his hands and got onto his feet. "You know, languages are things that never fail to amaze things. That you Seth would do that song and understand every single word you sing. Bradon will understand and Jasper maybe a little but all of us others are just here not understanding a word but damn that song was great! I cannot wait to read a translation. But, however. You guys need to get to class. Christie are you okay?"

The last sentence was turned all to me and not as loud as earlier. I just nodded and hurried past him out of the room- that would be another thing that I hated about always being ill. Everyone would always worry about me and no matter how many times people had said it was only that they cared I knew they were worrying and I didn't want them to. I didn't need them to.

I was Christie Natalie Kyemohr for Christ's sake! I was strong enough without them!

**Seth POV **

_Weren't we supposed to do songs about anti-bullying? This song is only about someone making themselves a victim of bullying and feeling sorry for oneself. _

"Lea-Marie is…"

I sat in the fatboy in my room and Charlotte sat on my bed. I had put a translation of the song I had done in Monday's glee club in the Facebook group, and it hadn't been long before I had a comment of Lea-Marie Hale's. Charlotte was trying to find the right word to say about our fellow glee club member.

"…is…"

"Don't worry." I replied with a deep sigh. "I know what you mean. I know what she's like although… she's right though." I bit my lip and hesitated. "I do know another song. That one's in Swedish too so maybe… I don't know."

"You should do it."

It didn't take more than that Charlotte thought I should to have me make up my mind and I bit my lip and quickly went through the lyrics and chords of the song in my head. Then realizing it (hopefully) wouldn't make me look like an idiot I pressed to answer her.

_I know another song. I can do it tomorrow. _

I suppressed a sigh and couldn't bother putting the phone down knowing that since Lea was online it wouldn't take many seconds before she replied. And I was right. It couldn't have been two minutes before it buzzed again.

_Is that one in Swedish too? _

I sighed, and decided not to answer Lea-Marie's question. She'd find out soon enough and if I wrote yes now she would probably found one way or another to keep me from doing it. So I put my phone on silent and put it down before I looked up at Charlotte again.

"Oh that Lea-Marie…"

"I know." Charlotte had been following the conversation in her own phone and put hers down as I did. "But don't worry about it. I think it's nice that you sing songs in Swedish. I agree with Mr. Blaine. Listening to languages you don't understand is fascinating. And I… Well, I've got to go home." She stood up and took her bag. "Sorry, my dad just texted. I'll see you tomorrow."

_What does it matter to you whether the song is in Swedish, English or freaking Latin? Seth's got talent and not even that matters because what does is that in Finn's army we all love our music. That's why language doesn't matter. Goodnight. _

I smiled to myself reading what Keagan had written to Lea-Marie. But the last word had me checking my clock. I knew we had eaten dinner quite a while ago but afterwards when Charlotte came over I must have forgotten all about time because now would soon be time for going to bed if I would have any chance of getting up before school tomorrow.

"_Cripple." _

For a long while that night I just laid awake, staring into the dark with one word after the other of what I had been called at the school in Maine was spinning in my head. It might have been it would soon be a year since we moved. And this was a still somewhat new place in a small town where very few people knew of what people had been bugging me for.

"_Broken" _

But bullying was a terrible thing. It would leave scars that just wouldn't heal. Or half- healed wounds that could easily be ripped open by something anyone would do or say and… those wounds and scars would just never go away.

"_OneLeg" _

I had had such a weird feeling about the way Lea-Marie had commented earlier. And it made me nervous for meeting her again tomorrow. I tried to push it away, telling myself that I was only imagining things and being silly. For it couldn't have been a chance for me to know that the feeling was right, and Lea-Marie was the biggest bully of all I knew. And when I came into the choir room early the next day, it was only she and I there.

"Do you know how annoying it is? It's only for attention anyway. Do something in Swedish which nobody knows. You don't see me doing anything in Italian do you. Well that would be because I'm not here to show off with everything I know and get attention for it and…" The door to the room opened and Daniel came in. We all knew Lea-Marie had the biggest crush ever on Dan but she didn't let me go just yet and leaned closer and whispered the last part. "You are such an attention wh*re!"

While Lea-Marie sat up straight again and more and more people started gathering in the choir room, I could feel my heart beating so hard in my chest it threatened to choke me. I just wanted this other song to be over and done with but in the second I had borrowed Mr. Dom's guitar and jumped up onto the piano my heart was beating so hard and I just wanted to turn around and run for my life.

"This song is called starkare." I said before. Trying to keep my voice steady. "It means stronger, and it was done by a woman who used to be bullied in school and… here it is." I clenched my hands quickly, took a deep breath and then took a few chords before the verse started. And as soon as the first sentence was done, my heart rate went down, and my voice steadied- if ever so little. And then I did the next line, and the next, and the next.

I couldn't help but to look to Lea-Marie as I sang the refrain. _I'm stronger than you_. But still, as I did I knew I wasn't. If I was I wouldn't have to sit and look at her because I wouldn't have even known what she had said about me.

_Det har jag lärt mig nu_

I sang the last line, and took the last chord. Then didn't wait for a reaction before I went to hand the guitar back to Mr. Dom. Mr. Jonas smiled at me slightly when I came over. But honestly- he was the only one that did anything at all at first. And nothing was said until I had went to sit back down and Mr. Blaine finally spoke.

"That was really good Seth." He said, but not in the way he usually did. And I beat myself up- couldn't I just have let it go? Instead of doing something new that no one would like anyway. "It really was. Can't wait to see the translation. Has anyone else got anything?"

"We've got one." Bradon raised his hand, and along with him so did Jasper and Keagan. "And… I think it could suit us today since… everyone just seems so… down and weird and I think it could change that."

"Well then." Mr. Blaine gave a slight smile. "The floor's yours." He went to sit down while Keagan grabbed a bag and the three boys walked down onto the floor, with their backs against us the boys whispered something the rest of us couldn't hear and they got something out of the bag to each of them before they quickly turned to us and started singing.

No matter how much I hated myself for what Lea-Marie had commented on and for listening to it. And no matter how much I hated her- especially today. I couldn't help but to let it lighten up my mood when Jasper, Keagan and Bradon got into wigs that looked like some sort of ugly 80's hairdos and then got in front of all of us and sang loud and falsely and without any instruments only to make it sound as terrible as possible.

This was probably one of the world's most famous songs about bullying. A very famous song over all which lead to that when the last refrain came everybody- except for Lea-Marie were singing as falsely as they could at the top of their lungs and several of us had also gotten onto our feet and started jumping and headbanging to the rhythm.

"Oh my Lord." When the song was over and done Mr. Blaine clapped his hands and took a few seconds' break to catch his breath. "I'm getting too old for this….Okay." He took a deep breath. "Has anyone else got a song to preform today? No one? Well then, I will see you Thursday."

I couldn't help but smile when I grabbed my bag and threw it over one shoulder. Not that I smiled for the bag, but I guess for the things that felt bad could get better when- and faster than you would ever expect it. Who would care about Lea-Marie Hale in a whole room full of my friends?

But even now, when I had forced myself to push away the memories of bullying and the rude tone Lea would always be using. There was still something of it left, but it had changed. Because I guess that no matter how bad Lea-Marie would make anybody else feel. Something of it would be because she wasn't as rude and bossy as people would believe she was.

I guess that everyone would know what it was like. That Lea-Marie wouldn't always be as strong as she liked to make everybody believe to protect herself from injure. And for the first time I wished with all of me that Lea-Marie Hale wouldn't be so much… Lea-Marie Hale, because if it would only have been possible. I liked to help people that I knew who could be helped.

**Bradon POV **

"I am so happy we did that song!"

Walking home I, Jasper and Keagan lived in the same direction. So even though it would get a bit far for Jasper to walk all the way home he had decided to walk with us. And after all, who wouldn't want to walk rather than be stuck on a bus a day with blue skies and sunlight.

"Me too." Keagan answered to Jasper's announcement. "It really fit perfectly and when everyone came to sing and dance… You know. Isn't that all what music is about? Being together, all of that deep stuff that…"

"Yeah we know." I interrupted. "And… it's what the glee club is about… I know what you're feeling guys. I can feel it too."

"GEEK!"

I sighed when I could see Alex's car disappear around a corner after he had gone past us. Not even when he was inside a car and I outside he would miss a moment to shout something. I wasn't even so sure what to call him but he was really getting annoying.

"And he if anyone…." Jasper started. "…Is a bully. Like how could anyone bully is a question for me. But to do it to your own family… he is a…." he searched for the right word, although Keagan had found some before him. And I had to say I found their conversation quite amusing.

"Bully?"

"Already said that."

"Jerk?"

"Something like it."

"Asshole."

"Yep, that's the word."

I laughed, normally I would scold anyone who would insult any member of my family- including Alex. But for these two to do it in the way they did. On the way Alex behaved. They could go on for as long as they ever wanted.

"No…" I started. "Alex for sure is a bully, mum's always nagging. Haiden can be so annoying, dad always works too much and Ben always takes Evie with him home…" I peered towards Jasper. He was a lot worse than Mr. Birch when it came to letting Evie have a boyfriend. Hence why I'd chosen to comment on it. "And I can't say I love always having to walk Lucy and pick up her poop… But they're my family- yes, I do count Lucy as family even though she's a dog. They are my family and I wouldn't trade them for the world. Wouldn't you? Or what do you say?"

"I agree." Jasper said. "But you could have done with Alex not being such a bully couldn't you?" He smiled and peered towards me. "No but of course. Evie, mum, dad and our dog Bertie is my family. We have got our problems but… I wouldn't trade them for anything. Or what do you say Keagan?" We both turned to Keagan, who seemed to have dreamed away slightly as we passed the hill on which the stables on top. "Oh… I'm sorry. I am so sorry Keagan. I forgot."

Jasper seemed to have remembered the little he knew that Keagan's mum had left as soon as he 'came out'. And that Alma who had been the family there through it all along with Keagan's dad had just… well…

"It's okay." Keagan said but his voice sounded callous and forced. Jasper glanced over to me and then back to Keagan and I could see Jasper was beating himself up for what he had just said. He started to open his mouth but Keagan was first. "I agree with you. Although…" He glanced up towards the stables. "…I guess our real family never really leaves us. And the ones who we have their whether we laugh or cry are our real family… the not-so-real however…. but… Goodbye."

There were two roads that you could come into Keagan's block on. And Keagan would as good as always choose the second- even though it would make his way a tad bit longer, to get to chat with his friends for a longer time. This time however, as soon as we were close to the first- he fastened his pace and said goodbye. And then disappeared around a corner while Jasper had stopped. I kept on walking as I hadn't noticed at first. But when I did and turned, Jasper stood by the crossroad looking at the spot where Keagan had disappeared looking absolutely heartbroken.

"Don't worry about it." I tried to reassure him, but it didn't seem to help much. "Seriously? Do you know how many times I've done something like this? And Keagan still loves me doesn't he?" My joke didn't help, so I tried the other way around. "Look! It's not that bad. And it happens to everyone. Just ignore it and Keagan will be all normal the next time you meet him… Now… Do you want to eat with us? Dad's bringing Chinese home and I think Evie's with Ben…." Jasper sighed. "…Today. I know buddy." Jasper hesitated. "Come on Jazz." My voice sounded more stern, but not at all angry anymore now. "You can't talk to Keagan now anyways."

With a deep sigh Jasper seemed to wake up from whatever state. Then, as we both could see Ben and Evie coming up the road I made sure we sped up a bit to give them their privacy. Jasper moaned though, and when Evie was laughing at something he turned and watched her. And even though he seemed far away, the way he smiled slightly told me everything.

**Charlotte POV **

_Like a skyscraper _

As I sat in the choir room on Thursday afternoon and waited for Mr. Blaine my heart was dunking harder and harder for every second that went by. This morning only I had been in the auditorium singing through one of my very favorite songs. A favorite song I really never thought I'd have the guts to stand in front of the group of Finn's army and sing. It would be showing way too much of me and how I really felt to do so.

Although, somehow from somewhere it had come the thought that I just should do it. That I'd just get up there and start the song and then not stop until the very last tone had run out. And then before I'd had the chance to even stop it I'd come to the point where if I wouldn't do it I'd be so disappointed in myself there wouldn't be anything like it.

I had sung the song so many times before, mostly in my room, mostly when I was home alone. Earlier today I hadn't, I'd been in the auditorium. With only lights over the stage on, with no instruments, only me in the light- and nothing else! Only me and my voice and the light. Nothing else. It shouldn't have been too hard to do it now neither.

I could for certain stand in an empty auditorium and do it. There wasn't a piece of me who believed I couldn't- well, except for a bunch of OCD's. But this, in front of all these people was another thing. And not one piece of me believed I could do it although I wanted… or not wanted… I needed… I was going to do it! Just to prove that I could!

For just a short moment, just a second I had felt more confident in myself than I could remember ever being before. Somehow for the first time in years feeling strong. However- that moment was done and over now. And here I was seeing Mr. Blaine come into the room along with a brown- haired woman I'd never seen before and my heart dunked in my chest so hard it threatened to choke me.

"Everyone… " Mr. Blaine patted the shoulder of the woman that had come with him. "This is Marley Rose. She used to be in the glee club. And at one point… We sang a song that she had written. And today, for anti- bullying week. I figured we could do it together. But first, is there anyone here who have got songs to preform today?" I raised my hand slightly, and didn't look around. "Whoa! That's many. Let's see. Mady, Benjamin, Dakota, Lea-Marie, Esme, Martina and Charlotte. Who would want to go fi…."

"I'll go!" Mr. Blaine hadn't even finished the sentence before Lea-Marie had stood up and handed some sheets of paper over to Kayla. "This is one of my favorite songs."

I had a bad feeling before she started and I couldn't for my life understand what it was about. Then, as soon as the intro started I knew what it was about- this was the song that I had planned to do. And despite how nervous I had been I felt weirdly disappointed. No way was I going to do the same song as Lea-Marie afterwards. Everyone would just compare us and Lea-Marie- no matter how rude she was, was a much better singer than me. Then Lea-Marie looked to me, and that slight smirk there was just no doubt about.

Lea-Marie Hale knew that I had planned to do this song. And I bet she also knew that if she did it first there was no way I was going to do it afterwards.

No matter how nervous I had been, now I could really feel that I had wanted to do it. I wanted to show people I could break out of my shell and do songs that meant something to me, I could do a whole song without breaking down and I could do my favorite song alright at least. But now I wouldn't have the chance to show them and while the feelings were roaring up inside of me I could feel the tears of disappointment burn behind my eyes.

I forced them away angrily, and suddenly being angry was a whole lot easier than being sad and disappointed. I would have known perfectly well the song wasn't mine to take but how dared she? How dared she ruin what I had planned? How could all of what I had barely been able to breathe, heard my heart thumping and been shaking for just have been for nothing?

And right then I felt stronger than ever before, even though I felt I was weaker than ever before at the same time. And for a few moments I barely even noticed what was happening around me.

Esme went next, and there was no doubt that she was a good singer, much better than me. So was Martina but through both of their performances I was still so ridden by that Lea-Marie had stolen my song it was a miracle I could even hear what songs they had chosen.

"So." Somehow I returned to reality when Mr. Blaine started talking. "Mady, Benjamin and Dakota wants to do their song in the auditorium but they need to talk to someone first…" Dakota was just jogging back into the room with his phone in his hand. "…Did you reach who you needed?"

"Yes." Dakota slouched down into his chair again. "He'll be in the auditorium in fifteen minutes. Then it'll only take like five minutes for us to talk together of how things are going to be during the performance."

"Great." Mr. Blaine turned to me. "You did have a song today too right?"

"No…" I brainstormed for something to say. "I just thought of something… I can't do it today I need to fix some things first and…" I stopped rambling before I had gone too far with it. Mr. Blaine had raised an eyebrow looking questioning to me. And I had a feeling all of the others were too, even if I didn't dare look around. "Sorry… But I can't do it today."

"Okay," Mr. Blaine nodded and caught the other's attention. "Now to what I brought Marley here today for but for that… we'll go into the auditorium." I stood up with the others and at the back of the group I walked silently towards the auditorium. Seth was jokingly but wildly discussing something with Jasper and their laughs echoed through the hallway. Although Seth was as good as my only friend in Finn's army- and with that I was left alone.

"While I was in the glee club but in my own time…" Marley grabbed a pile of paper-sheets once we were around the stage in the auditorium. "…I wrote this song. I thought it suited the new directions as it was then. And I think that it'll suit Finn's army as well. Blaine helped me choose to write on the solos and duet parts. It's all written on your sheets and then in the group parts I want you all to just sing at the top of your lungs. After all, standing up against bullies is done in the best way to just prove them wrong and stand together. You too Mady, Blaine, Kayla, Jonas and Dom… So everybody, hit it!"

Daniel had the first bit of the song, only the first few lines. But that seemed to be very much enough, and I think we were all- including himself was quite relieved when his shaky and nervous part was over and it went over to be Sharon's turn to do the rest of the first verse. Before Daniel and Sharon together did the piece before the refrain Daniel seemed to have manned up a bit and sounded steadier, the nervousness seeming as good as blown away.

I had to admit the song was really good- and I was quite happy with not having one of the solos. While Miss Rose's attention was turned towards the ones who had the current solos I glanced towards her and for a second just wished that I could write or sing something half as good as any of the others in this room. Because I couldn't do anything like that. Could I?

"That was really good." Mr. Blaine and Miss Rose clapped their hands as soon as the last tone had rung out. "It was really good and…"

Well I didn't even have a solo. So it couldn't be with any help from me.

"…And I have never been prouder than I am when I see you guys working together like that. All of you and… Oh hello." While Mr. Blaine was talking Jude Vincent had come into the room. "Dakota and Benjamin asked you to come did they?" Jude nodded. But no one had the time to say anything else before the Vincent cousins started greeting one another.

"Judas"

"Dumbass."

"You could be a dumbass yourself!"

"Asshole!"

"Okay… Before you've gone on with that forever." Mr. Blaine interrupted the two cousin's before their exchanging of rude callings had gone way too far. "Jude, do you think you can do what Benjamin, Dakota and Mady needed?" Jude smiled a bit shyly and then nodded. "Okay, well get up to the control table then." Jude nodded and then mostly ran up to the top of the stairs and the table from which he could control the lights and did some fixing with the buttons. "ARE YOU READY TO GO?" Mr. Blaine had to shout up to him, but Jude just had to lean forward to a microphone in front of himself and speak at the normal kind of shy tone he seemed to be using to everybody except for Daniel.

"Yeah, this is ready to go."

Jude dimmed the lights and then turned them off all along while Dakota and the Heedie's got in a line on the stage but a couple of meters away from each other. Three spotlights in the ceiling were shining down on each and every one and while Mady sang the first few lines the spotlights that shone over Dakota's and Benjamin's blackened so you could barely see them. Then when Dakota started rapping for the verse the one over him lit up while the one lighting up Mady's spot blackened.

Through the whole song with the rapping and the singing- the singing were mostly in the refrain where Mady would always sing by herself. For a moment I guess we all thought Benjamin wouldn't do anything but to just stand there in the dark. But at the third and last verse he started something in between rapping and singing and his spotlight lit him up, reflecting in his light blonde hair he looked almost like the ghost the song seemed to be about.

But I knew way too well the song wasn't really about a ghost but about bullying. I would have liked to not know about it but I had to. Because the song- the refrain mostly could just as well have been written from how I felt. And it hit me right in my heart, and that would be before the last verse that Benjamin did- was it really beautifully? Or was it just about what I had been trying to do today before Lea-Marie stole my song… I wasn't so sure.

But what I was sure about was that I barely even noticed when the song was over, then I just barely knew that Mr. Blaine told us goodbye for the day. And then I just acted while I knew that if I would stay in here after the others had left I just needed to pretend to tie my shoelaces and get my things slowly- and I was right!

"She stole your song." When I thought that everybody had left I flinched when I heard a voice behind me and turned around on the stage to see Christie Kyemohr standing there. Her, that I only had heard use a very rude tone to anyone and everyone before. And for a moment I just had to think back and wonder about what she really said.

"What?"

"Lea-Marie stole your song…" Christie came over and sat on the speaker. "…We both saw and heard you when you did that song yesterday." I blushed. "And yes, also that part when you talked to yourself saying you'd show us you could… it was a good plan. And if you had gotten the chance you would have… You did that song much better than Lea-Marie."

I tried to smile, only partly failing and then turned away from Christie. I just wished she'd go away so I could stay here and self-pity by myself- as much as I wanted. But in the otherwise so quiet auditorium I could hear Christie's trod over the floor on the stage and then saw her as she stopped by my side and glanced over the whole auditorium.

"This is a good place to think isn't it?"

I wasn't so sure what to answer- I did agree with her, I did. But this didn't seem anything like the Christie I knew- even though I had barely even known her at all. Had the kidney transplant messed with her brain or something?

"I found a song the other day." Christie pulled up some sheet music from her bag. "I think you'd like it." I could barely believe what I was seeing and hearing. Was this really Christie Kyemohr? Because the Christie Kyemohr would never be this nice. At least I had never seen her like it. "No seriously… Anyways, I think it would make a good duet and I think it could suit your voice… Don't look at me like that. Everyone can be nice every once in a while, even I. Anyways, here you have a copy." She handed a couple of sheets of paper to me. "I've done it like Blaine and noted which parts I'd like you to sing. Do it if you want- I don't care."

Christie had plugged her phone into the speaker for the instrumental, and somewhere in while she sang the first verse I decided just to jump right in and do it- it was only me and Christie hear and… Hadn't she just said I would have done the song of skyscraper well? Well, I wasn't so sure but… I wanted to do it so for a moment, just a very short one I decided to push all the bad thoughts away and just go on and do it.

Christie sang the first verse and refrain, I the second with the refrain. Then it would have become a bit more hard to explain as first she did the three first lines of the third verse, the fourth together and then I sang the second half of the third and last verse. When the last refrain came Christie sang the first and third line and I the second and fourth. Before we sung that refrain together, and Christie sang the two last lines by herself.

As soon as the last tone had rung out both I and Christie looked up when we heard clapping from the stairs. First I flinched almost waiting for the clapping to escalate as for certain- with our luck half of the school had heard. But it didn't, and when I looked up only Miss Rose stood there and then took her chance and started walking down towards us.

"Miss Rose…"

"Oh please." Miss Rose smiled at first Christie who had called her name and then I. "Just call me Marley. And first of all, let me tell you that was really good. Because it was… Can I guess that you both really meant it? Yes of course… Yeah, mean girls exist everywhere… even in the eighteen hundred's when I was here…"

"I gotta go now." Christie had gotten onto her feet and pulled her backpack over one shoulder. Although Miss Ro…. Marley held up her hand to stop her. "What?" And there the usual rude Christie was back!

"What I meant to say that… the mean ones gives shine of always being the strong ones. Which they kind of are because they have the strength to push away their feelings not to prove themselves weak. But in the end they'll be the weak ones. And when it comes to scratch they'll be the ones standing there on their own."

"What are you trying to say?" Christie snorted. "You're making no sense at all. We have all had our problems but you don't see us two going off stealing others' songs or bullying for that…" I bit my lip- what Christie had always done could be seen as a way of bullying too? Or not bullying but she had just always been so rude. "Is that what you're trying to say?"

"That's not what I was trying to say." Marley stated calmly. "I tried to say that… people deal with their stuff in different ways. And some people get so obsessed with not showing what they feel- they're making others feel a bit of the same way… I'm not stating the fault is anyone else's fault except for the bullies… What I meant to say was that the people you think are stronger than you and right now couldn't dream about ever putting yourself up against are actually the weakest ones so you…" Marley looked to Christie and then to me. "You just keep on holding on and stay being yourself okay? Those bullies- whatever is making them do what they do… But nothing is worth changing yourself for them…" She looked to her watch. "We'll meet again. No way I'll stay away from here now. So see you again, but I've got to go now." Marley raised her hand in a wave, and then disappeared into the curtains and got lost while Christie got her phone from the speakers and walked slowly the same way as Marley, before she stopped and turned towards me.

"You're quite alright Amato." She said half turned towards the stage and me. "Maybe we could be friends." With that, she span around and disappeared into the curtains- while I was just left on the stage and didn't know what else to do.

And if it was true what so many boys said that girls were confusing- Christie must have been the most confusing of us all!

**Daniel POV **

"I never really got it though…" On Friday afternoon I was walking through the hallway along with Jake- to protect him from the bullies who had been all over him lately I would have said. But honestly Jake was a very good friend. "…What is the difference in between just teasing but being mean and bullying?"

I smiled slightly to myself. Jake's childlike innocence always made me happy in some kind of way. As of a constant reminder the sun would keep on going down, lives would start just as well as end. And in some way- the way children would talk, even though Jake was very much a teenager- it just never failed to amaze me.

"Well, teasing even though when mean…." I started and tried to explain it the way I knew. "…Only happens once or a few times. Therefore it cannot hurt you like bullying would. Because when it's bullying it happens again- and again- and again until it just… breaks you down."

"So what if I refuse to let it break me down."

"Well then…"

I was cut off when my cellphone called and answered to hear it was Mr. Blaine who wanted just one last glee club rehearsal before the week was over and done and I jogged over to the choir room where I seemed to be the last one to come.

"Well hi again." Mr. Blaine was already handing out sheet music. "Once before I joined the new directions they decided to write their own songs for… I don't even remember if it was for sectionals or regionals… But they wrote their own songs anyway… And I think that one of them could suit this week's theme so you guys and I just… we haven't got the band here or anything but sing…" He plugged his phone into the speaker. "So… now, I'll start singing and you just follow my voice and the melody and… then just sing… just sing."

I couldn't help but smile while singing, this song must have been the stupidest, weirdest, funniest and one of the freaking best songs in history. It said so little but at the same time so much and no one (Except maybe Lea-Marie) cared for any solos or anything and we just sang at the top of our lungs. And for years to come after that I wouldn't be able to think about this moment without smiling, I would have never wanted it to end- sadly it did. And sweaty and out of breath from dancing we slumped down into each chair or on the floor and then just sat (more like laid) there until everyone seemed to have at least more or less caught their breaths and Mr. Blaine made his voice heard.

"Ow… Okay, getting way too old for dancing like that… But… Do you think your sister would have liked that Dan?"

I suppressed a sigh. Just because I had chosen what Angelica would have liked for songs this week didn't mean I was comfortable talking about her- at all. But I knew Mr. Blaine wasn't trying to mean any harm and by that I would have to give him an answer or I'd be rude! So I forced a smile and tried to make it look natural. Which got a bit easier when I felt how true what I was going to say was- really just felt it!

"She would have loved it."

And honestly… Angelica's opinion mattered more than anyone else's to me. Which voice could sound stronger than hers anyway?

**So, Christie's back in school. Although, no matter how we twist and turn it Christie Natalie Kyemohr will always be Christie Natalie Kyemohr. And she feels kind of awkward. After all she kind of feels bad for worrying everyone but doesn't want to face it. She doesn't care about anyone, does she? Next up Seth, and Lea-Marie is just such a…. and here we found out what the song he did was about. We also found out what the second song was about when he decided to make another try. But Lea-Marie is still… I don't even know what to say. Although still, Seth is still very kind and… if he could he would just help Lea… if only he knew how. Then Jasper, Keagan and Bradon do a song and everybody are a lot happier and this is what the glee club is really about. Next up the boys are walking home, and then Jasper kind of… I don't even know what he did but now Keagan is down and obviously he still haven't returned to the stables since Alma died- which is understandable but sad. But still, families are families and… Jasper doesn't really want Evie to date Ben- or any guy for that matter. Oh and Alex Fredericks is an asshole! Especially to Bradon. Then Charlotte have wanted to take the chance to kind of break out of her shell all of a sudden but it doesn't matter since Lea-Marie is there to ruin all of her chances. And look! There's Marley. And what's this? Christie's nice? And there is a short POV of Daniel's. Jake's got bullies all over him, but at least Finn's army had a great time and at last… Angelica Vincent would have loved what they made of that week… so… that's it. **

**Angelica would be portrayed by Georgie Henley as of 2009. Kayla who is portrayed by Kira Kosarin is made by GleeJunkie007. Jonas and Dom are portrayed by Aaron (Jonas) and Shawn (Dom) Ashmore and Dom is made by localxmusicxjellybeanx. Mady is portrayed by Sarah Grace Morris. Richard Spencer and Agatha Weston (Keagan's parents) are portrayed by David Boreanaz and Jennifer Garner and made by localxmusicxjellybeanx. Evie is portrayed by Charlotte Salt and made by x snow-pony x. Judas… I mean Jude Vincent is made by GleeJunkie007 and portrayed by Daniel Seavey. Jake is also made by x snow- pony x and is portrayed by Davis Cleveland. **

**Playlist**

Seth's first song- Varför jag? (Why me?)- Limelights  
Seth's second song- Starkare (Stronger)- Sara Löfgren  
Jasper/ Bradon/ Keagan- We're not gonna take it- twisted sister  
Charlotte/ Lea-Marie:- Skyscraper- Demi Lovato  
Esme- Who's laughing now-Jessie J  
Martina- Don't laugh at me- Mark Wills  
First group song- Outcast- Glee cast  
Mady/ Benjamin/ Dakota- Ghost- Jake Miller feat. Nikki Flores  
Charlotte/ Christie- Mean girls- Rachel Crow  
Second group song- Loser like me- Glee cast

**So, there were quite a lot of songs used in this chapter. Including two Swedish ones- many of them among my favorites. I'll send out translations now, and then I hope all of you have a good day, or morning, or night. Or whatever it might be in your zone. Or whatever it might be when I put this chapter up since at the time I'm writing this I've only got Christie's and parts of Seth's pov done.**

**I guess the song called mean girls was split up weirdly, but if you'd like I guess you could go and check the lyrics out and then see who did which parts. I thought doing it like that would have suited the song. And I guess Marley might have been a bit OOC. But people get older and they change and mature. And I'm going to try and find a way for everything to make sense. Okay? Well, I hope I can… **

**Random fact **

The reason this chapter took me a while was that originally the theme was going to be songs that tells a story. Then I had this idea and it just seemed to make a lot more sense and then I wrote it all in one weekend and… there it is and I hope you liked it.

**See you next time. **


	39. I wanted

**Sorry it's been a while since I updated. I have had a crazy kind of writer's block lately. Also I've been quite busy but oh my God I am loving my life right now! So now when we've got that simply good-for-nothing part over and done, enjoy. **

**B****elle POV **

"...Well..." During the Sunday dinner with me, himself, mum, dad and Shauna Lenny made his voice heard. "Mum- I know that you know already but… dad… Belle… I and Shauna have got some news for you." Lenny looked back at Shauna and smiled, she smiled slightly- and I felt that pit of worry I always had when I looked to her nowadays.

Shauna and Lenny had been spending a lot more time than usual at her house, and it probably wouldn't have worried me if it wasn't for the fact that always when they were here- and I guess otherwise too Shauna always seemed so tired. By all meals Lenny or mum would bring the plates down into the basement and Lenny's room. And the walls were thick with not much sounds reached through to the rest of the house. But the other day I had heard her throwing up- and she just had the stomach flu a few months ago and honestly I didn't get any of this… where was that happy and always energetic Shauna we all knew and loved?

"…we're pregnant."

I flinched, I must have been way gone into my wondering what was wrong with Shauna I hadn't heard how Lenny had talked until he made the announcement.

"What?"

Honestly, I couldn't help my questioning reaction- how was I supposed to react anyway? Honestly- I wasn't so sure but it probably wasn't a correct reaction to ask if what I heard was right when I knew it was. And certainly not to sit there gaping like a monkey and spending ages trying to take in what I had just heard.

"Am I going to be a granddad?"

It might have been that dad had changed since mum's accident. But honestly I had never seen his eyes shining like that. And seeing his eyes lighting up like nothing had ever made them before I couldn't help the slight pinch of jealousy. Well… there goes my chance to impress him with anything ever again.

"I've got to go."

Shauna- who looked pale and unwell had stood up and holding onto her hand Lenny followed her… I still hadn't really understood what he had just told us. So the rest of the dinner was spent in a rush of monotone movements trying to understand what had just happened until I had reached my room and sat down on my bed with the door closed.

So what if the baby was born- which it would obviously be a number of months from now. I knew my brother loved me and everything but what if he became a dad- and my mum a grandmother and then they would be all over her or him and nothing that I ever said or did would matter anymore?

Before I could stop it jealousy had filled up my whole body. I knew I wasn't allowed to feel such things but it had been there so fast… I didn't want to feel like this but I… I was just so very ashamed of feeling like this. If anyone ever knew of these feelings they would hate me so bad and they would…

"Bella." I flinched when Lenny came into the room. I know Lenny would always knock before coming into someone's room and therefore I also knew I must have been so gone in my own thoughts and my own feelings I hadn't heard. "I wanted to give you this." Lenny came and sat down next to me on the bed and handed me a wrapped present and almost understanding what was in it from the first second I carefully pulled the tape off. At last getting the wrapping paper off I could see it was- like I had thought. A framed sonogram picture of the baby growing inside of Shauna- my little niece or nephew and looking right down onto it the jealousy ran off me and I could feel my heart melt with a kind of love I had never felt before.

"Wow…"

I couldn't get more than that tiny little whisper out. I had never known I could love anyone this much and here I was with a sonogram picture. When this baby was born I would certainly melt or at least explode with all the feelings.

"I know right… but… there's something I need to tell you… I wanted you to have this picture now because… I want you to be happy when…" I worriedly looked to my brother- what was he going to tell me? Had something happened? Was there something wrong with the baby? Did he really have to barge into all of my love and happiness right now? "Bella… Tomorrow… I'm going to the airport… I'll be going to…"

I quickly looked up at my brother. Not letting him tell even where he was going I could feel a lump rise in my throat and forced myself to reply.

"No! No- no- no. You can't go now… What sort of a monster would do that?"

"It's only for a couple of months. I'll be back before the baby's born and then I'm never going again."

"I DON'T CARE FOR HOW SHORT IT IS…" Before I even knew it myself I had shouted at him. But I wasn't going to stop there. "I'm not afraid you'll die… You won't get killed! You'll get hurt and end up in a wheelchair and you are gonna be just like dad! You're gonna be just like him and in ten years you're going to drink and be exactly as violent towards…"

In the moment Lenny grabbed me by the arms I knew I had taken it too far. And a fire getting put out by tears in his eyes wanted me to just sink through the floor. I would probably never forget or stop regret what I had just said but the fear got so strong… Just like the regret welling up inside of me when Lenny wiped his tears with the back of his hand after letting me go after staring straight into my eyes and now speaking with a tremble I had never heard before in his voice.

"I will never be like dad. Never! Ever! And…" He stopped talking, and I could tell he was in loss of words which made me feel even worse. "I will never be like him but…" Lenny leaned over and put his head in his hands. "I don't want to do this neither… but you don't get it Bella… I love you, but I love my kid as well and I have to do this… I have to."

"No you don't! You're right. I don't get it but you don't have to."

"I… I can't explain it…" Lenny stood up and looked back to me with a given up look over him. "But I have to… But I will come back- I promise you." He sighed. But I refused to listen and laid down with my back against him and kept on staring to the sonogram picture in my hands. "I love you Bella… And I will come back. I promise."

I still didn't answer. And even though that was also one of those things you weren't really allowed to think and feel. I knew he might have to break his promise.

"What do you want me to say? What can I do to make it okay?"

"Go away."

Lenny sighed and his heart breaking could shine through in the sound as he breathed out again and then- he did what I asked him and walked out of my room, and once again- his heart breaking by my reaction was shining through in the sound of his every move until he had closed the door carefully behind him.

But as I cried myself to sleep that afternoon I knew the only thing I wanted from Lenny I would never have the heart to ask him for after all I had just said to him. But at the same time it was the only thing I wanted.

_I wanted him to stay _

**Martina POV **

"And then. Molly was the wicked witch and I was the prince. But Tucker said that I couldn't be the prince because princes can walk without crutches. And I was really angry and pushed him…"

_Hello soldiers. Mr. Blaine here. New week, new theme for the glee club. And I have been thinking for a while to do a week for the people who might mean the most for our future- along with yourselves than of course. But children, younger children. A sibling, a cousin, a niece, a nephew or something like it. Honestly I can't wait to see what you've all got. See you tomorrow. _

"…_Marti. You're not listening to me." _

"_Oh… Sorry Will. What did you say?" _

My six-year- old cousin gave me a big, toothless smile before he continued to tell me about things that had happened since the last time we met- and with that being ages ago before the school year started- so he did have a lot to tell me.

"…And look! Red ones."

"What?" When Will moved the crutches he had to use as he had a cerebral palsy case that only stick to his legs- so it was either crutches or wheelchair. "Oh… Red crutches! Cool!"

We had gotten Will, my aunt Maria, her boyfriend John and their daughter- and Will's half-sister Jade at the airport just a few moments ago. Maria was in the living room with Jade and John and dad had went to do some grocery shopping. I sat on the bed in my room with Will- who never seemed to run out of things to tell me about.

"…Red is my favorite color. So I'm very happy I've got red crutches."

I smiled at Will as he continued talking about everything between earth and skies and made sure I concentrated on what he was telling me. That didn't end up quite as planned though as I suddenly remembered a song I had heard years ago. I think it was by the time that my aunt Maria was pregnant with Will and then I'd forgotten all about it not realizing how perfect it would be- I mean even the name was the same. And with that theme in the glee club everything would just fit perfectly…

"Will." I smiled at him and didn't mind I interrupted in him telling me about some Ninja turtles game. "How would you feel if I told you tomorrow you can come with me to my song-and-dance-club after school and I'm going to sing a song for you?" Dad, your parents and Jade will of course come too but it's especially for you.

_I wanted to make this as it could possibly get_

**Sharon POV **

I couldn't help but smile when right before the glee rehearsal started on Tuesday Martina came in slowly. Right by her a small boy was walking with crutches. He obviously had some kind of cerebral palsy or something like it and had trouble walking even with the crutches. But no less his smile was almost lighting up the whole big auditorium as he looked over the chairs and the soldiers of Finn's army that sat on the two front rows.

"Hi." He lifted one hand with the crutch and made a small wave. "My name's Will."

"Well hello Will." Mr. Blaine stood right by the chairs just about to sit down. "My name's Mr. Blaine." Will showed him a big, toothless smile and then turned to Martina at the same time as Mr. Blaine did the same. "So… you look like you have something to do for us today Martina."

"Yeah… well…"

"I go first!" When Lea-Marie barged into the room at the same moment as the rehearsal was about to start she demanded… well, what she usually would. "I need to show you the song I've got and… come on- move!" She looked to Martina, the blonde one seemed to hesitate. "Come on!"

"Actually Lea- Marie." Martina still seemed to hesitate. "For my cousin not to have to go back and forth so many times… Mr. Blaine… I was hoping I could do the song for Will first… if only my dad, aunt, uncle and cousin comes soon…" As on given request three new adults and one of them holding a baby came into the room. "You can stay here on the stage for now guys." She turned to them, and then back to Mr. Blaine. "But you're the boss."

"I think…" Mr. Blaine swallowed, he like everyone else was kind of afraid of Lea-Marie, even though none of us nor anyone else would ever admit it. "…I think Martina should go first." Lea-Marie pouted like a child and stomped her foot. "I promise you can go right after. Only… I'm very, very sneaky to see what Martina have got. Aren't you?"

Mr. Blaine's theory was weird, and it was only partly working I guess, Lea-Marie glared at him with an ice-cold glare and then stomped over to sit by the side- of course very close to Daniel who sighed, pulled the arm closest to her towards him and laid his arm around the back of the chair on his other side.

"Well…" While the three adults and the baby in her mother's arms went to sit down on the front row Martina had helped Will to sit down on one of the speakers. And there he sat with a smile as big as ever and looked to be the proudest boy ever. "…Like he just said himself. This is Will. Do you want to introduce your full name and mum, dad, uncle and Jade." Will nodded excitedly. "Come on then!"

"My name is Wilson Goran." He said happily. "And that is my mum- her name is Maria. And she's twins with Martina's dad and that's my uncle Mark, and that's my almost- dad John." Almost dad? Huh? Well whatever. "And Martina's my cousin and I love her very much. And she loves me too and we love each other more than what Jesus loves the both of us." I couldn't help but smile- I had never been too sure whether I believed in God or not, but saying it like that was just too sweet even though I would usually thought it was awkward if someone talked about religion.

"..And she said she was going to do a song for me and then I could come with her here even though I'm too small to go to this school." Mr. Blaine nodded, and by now he was wearing the second biggest smile of everyone in the whole auditorium. "So Marti start it then. I want to know what you want to sing to me."

Martina smiled but didn't say anything as she fixed with her phone to the speaker so it would play the instrumental and then threw with her head to get the fringe out of her eyes while she looked to her cousin for the beginning of the song. Before after the first, slowest part she turned to all of us. Although Will- who sat to the side smiled just as big as ever.

As the song went on my- and probably most of the others' smiles grew bigger and bigger. This must have been one of the sweetest songs any of us had ever heard and by every new part it sent shivers down my spine. It was just pure love from Martina to Will- and back, and the beauty in it with the song caused my eyes to tear. And stronger than ever I felt exactly how much I loved my own baby.

By the end of the song I had, without even noticing it- raised one of my hand and put it on my belly. Beneath it I could feel my little baby kick towards my hand and for the first time I could actually look forward to having this child in my arms. I hadn't been able to feel like this before because of my fear that this might never end up well. But like Will was disabled and the best in Martina's eyes- I just knew that my baby would be perfect in every way it could. No matter what!

"Now I can go."

The last tone of Martina's song had barely ran out before Lea-Marie stood up and demanded to be heard. I could see Martina sighing, but she chose to leave it be and while Martina hugged her cousin tightly Lea-Marie walked onto the stage and handed Mr. Dom, Mr. Jonas and Kayla the sheet music with a look on her face that almost looked like she would have expected them to already know this song by heart. And no less did she look annoyed when she looked to where Martina was slowly walking by Will to make sure he got to sit down safely.

"Come on. Move!"

Martina glared back at Lea-Marie and then turned to Will to help him the last few steps. Obviously this couldn't happen any faster and Lea-Marie seemed to realize she was wrong because she pouted like a child would and wouldn't admit having done anything she shouldn't before at last Martina and Wilson were off the stage.

"February the twenty sixth I had a baby brother." Lea-Marie stated as if it was the most important and obvious thing in the world. "His name is Christian- I chose it. I wanted to do this song for him… What are you waiting for? Just start playing."

Despite how much I hated Lea-Marie I couldn't help but smile when she announced she'd had a baby brother. I hadn't had any idea that she would get one, but I- as an only child felt happy for everyone who would. Even though kind of jealous…

Lea-Marie started the song and I could honestly say that I had never heard it before. I wasn't so sure I liked it neither but I could definitely see what the lyrics meant for her. And this all just made me long even more for seeing my baby and see her or him grow up.

I knew Lea didn't like me doing it, for her she should be the center of attention at all times. But despite how much I could barely look away from when she fixed with her phone to put a photo of Christian up behind her on the wall, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket with a text message and pulled it up to check what it was.

_I'm outside the school now. I'm in a bit of a rush. Can you come now or can I go do what I need and then come back. _

_-Dad _

Being eight months pregnant I couldn't move very fast in any way at all and certainly not without support. It was hard to move well at all and that was why my dad had started to come and get me from school instead of me riding the bus. Although as fast as I moved to the car and then from dad's car and to my room that afternoon was the fastest I'd moved in weeks. I just had to hurry so this feeling wouldn't be gone before I had the time to do something that I had been weirdly looking forward to since I had the idea.

The time until I was in my room, had opened my laptop and YouTube to put on the right song seemed endless. But at last I could sink backwards in my comfortable desk chair, stretch out my legs and rub my belly while listening to the song.

Even though, different from the song I didn't have a small bump, and it certainly wasn't four months until the birth- more like four weeks. But while it at the latest earlier had today had seemed like it was coming way too close. Right now, I couldn't wait for it all. I couldn't wait for the midwife or whoever to put a screaming child towards my chest, kissing a forehead and feeling that very special baby- smell everyone were talking about. I wanted to come home and put my child in that crib in the corner, sing lullabies until he or she would fall asleep in my arms, I wanted to have a photo to be one of those people who puts up new pictures of their children every single day. And right then I was dreaming away imagining one perfect way of it happening after the other. And those four weeks just seemed endless when I loved my baby more than ever- without nervousness or fear- just me, my baby and the music I was softly humming along to.

_I wanted to hold my baby now _

**Esme POV **

"Although. I barely know how many months it's been since I put that up that I'm looking for a baby sitting job. It never seemed so hard to get just a single job. Not one like that at least." I wined to Hayley during the art class. "And come on, there are like a million kids in the ages you would babysit for. And I can't find a single babysitting job. I mean right now it's all like school and homework and nothing else. I don't even have any money to use. I wanted a babysitting job but it doesn't seem like I can find one…"

"…Miss Montague?" When I heard Mrs. Stone's- the art teacher's voice with a very serious tone behind me I suppressed a moan. I had been painting and so had Hayley so what would be the problem with us talking. "So… You would like a babysitting job?"

Well that was something I didn't expect.

Honestly, the nearest hour or so I wasn't so sure how everything happened. The last class for the day ended, I followed Mrs. Stone to her office and she called her husband who was the football coach in this school to come here too. Then, while I still didn't get anything I and the married couple on the other side stood facing each other on either side of Mrs. Stone's desk.

"Well… As you know we are the parents of Malora in her senior year here at McKinley. I am the art teacher and Harry- my husband here is the football coach. We also have a son, his name is Samuel but we call him Sammy, and two Labrador puppies named Lucky and Shadow." I nodded at what Mrs. Stone told me and for now didn't ask questions. "Both I and Harry do work a lot, and would need some free time. But Sammy isn't old enough to stay home alone so we were going to look something up about needing a babysitter. And who could be better for the job than someone we already know?"

"Ehrm…" I still couldn't find the right words. "Well… I'm honored-really. And if you'd give me the chance then I'd be happy to give it a try…"

"I'm sure before you can do it…" Mr. And Mrs. Stone sat down on one side of Mrs. Stone's desk. "Sit." Mr. Stone signed to the chair on my side and I sat down. "…We will have to fill up some whatever forms, you'll also have to meet our son- Samuel. But we call him Sammy. And meet Malora and… Oh, wait… Do you know Malora?"

"Ehrm…" I hesitated. "…Well, not very well but I do know who she is."

"And Miranda? Malora's twin sister. Do you know about her?"

"Ehrm…" Despite all the sounds of a school from the hallway Mrs. Stone's office seemed to have gone awkwardly silent at the mention of the McKinley- student, and daughter of the two in front of me. "Well… ehrm…" I nervously tugged my sleeve- under which the wound caused by that stupid accident was still healing.

"It's okay." Mr. Stone took over after I couldn't make a good answer on his wife´s question. "We can get back to that… And honestly… Miss Montague you seem just perfect for the job. So… Is there anything else we should say or discuss or anything? Or should we meet again this weekend, fill up some forms and then you can meet our Sammy soon and see how all of this works out?"

"Actually. That sounds perfect." I smiled. "So… maybe I should take your phone numbers."

By the time I left Mrs. Stone's office I had forgotten all about the fact that it was Thursday and time for glee club. And if it hadn't been for that I had to walk past the choir room to get to the main entrance and I could see movement in there in the corner of my eye I would have forgotten all about it.

"So well…" When I at last had at last remembered the glee club I walked in behind Dakota and Benjamin who seemed all set to do a performance. "Oh, hello Esme. How nice of you to join us for our last song for today?"

"Sorry I forgot. Some things were going on." I couldn't help but smile. "It's okay… I can…"

"Can we just get on with the song so we can go home for Christ's sake?" Lea-Marie said, obviously in boredom. I suppressed a sigh and felt stronger than ever that honestly Lea should start learning how things would go on if she didn't get it her own way. "I mean come on." While I sat down, I could hear the boys sigh, then watched them sign towards the band and the song started.

Benjamin and Dakota actually stood right next to each other, but on a chair in between them sat Mady, smiling from ear to ear and looking from one to the other as the song- one that we all must recognize started. Then when the first refrain was over and the verse started I figured this wasn't a song we would have all heard. It was a cover that had gone quite viral a few years ago- I wouldn't know how many of us in here would have watched the music video to this cover- but I had, and if I loved it then it was nothing compared to how much I loved this performance. Despite the boys standing still and not moving much, despite Dakota kind of being new to this whole rapping- thing. Despite everything that anyone could have complained about this performance was nothing but beautiful. By three people who loved each other so much the love in between them could have heated the whole room.

By the end of the song I don't think there was one person, including the band (except maybe Lea-Marie if I knew her right. Because I didn't mind looking at her) were smiling from ear to ear. Seeing Mady sit in between the two boys on one chair looking back and forth between them wearing the biggest smile of us all only had us smiling more. And I think my heart just melted when Dakota and Benjamin laid their arms around Mady's shoulders- one on each side and hugged her tight until Dakota barely more than mumbled the very last line and the very last tone rang out.

"You guys." Mr. Blaine got onto his feet while clapping and hugged Mady tightly. "Wow- just wow. But on the other hand and changing the subject… has anyone seen Belle today?" The room fell silent. "Well, I'm in a bit of a rush… So I need to cut it there. I hope Belle's okay…" Continuing to mumble something to himself walking out of the room obviously in a rush.

"I gotta get home." I stood up right as the door fell closed- and didn't wait for any replies. I just needed to get home and tell my parents and sisters about the opportunity to get a job and where I could get it and I already had everything I needed to bring home and I just needed to get home and…"

I was cut off in the middle of my thinking when I heard the to me easily recognized instrumental to a song walking by the auditorium. I had stopped in the middle of the hallway and despite how much I wanted home to tell my family about what could be my future job I turned and walked into the auditorium where I could spot Belle on the stage singing her heart out. With such an emotional rate I could feel a lump rise in my throat.

I almost couldn't help to hide in the curtains and listen and watch Belle as she sang. And while the song was beautiful I couldn't help but wonder whom she would be singing it for. That was a question I got an answer for when the song was over, and I heard some silent sobs rising from Belle's throat. She had sat down on one of the big speakers and I quietly moved over. Then I was too sneaky not to look down on the framed photo in her hands- and it was of an ultrasound photo.

"Who is that?" I sat down on the speaker big enough for us both to sit on and laid my arm around Belle's shoulders to give the comfort I could. "You don't have to answer me… Are you okay?"

"Yes." With tear stained face and tears still rolling from her eyes she nodded and made a very strong- and failed attempt to smile at me. "I'm fine. And this…." She held up the framed ultrasound picture. "Is my little niece or nephew."

"Aw… you're going to be an auntie…" Belle nodded but still sniffed while some new tears welled up in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. "I can see there's something… You can talk to me if you want… But you don't have to…" Belle shook her head and lowered her hand with the photo again. "It's fine. Then you don't have to… Can I hug you?" She had looked down, but nodded barely noticeable and I wrapped my arms around her. "There, there." I tried my best to comfort. "There, there."

Belle cried- even if it was silently I could hear the sniveling and the weird- not- right pace of her breathing. I had always thought that if I were to have Belle's part to someone else in all of this I would be a pain in the a*s to the person hugging and trying to comfort. But honestly, even if I didn't want Belle, or any of my friends to feel bad about anything. It was kind of nice feeling that I was needed, even when Belle at last sat up, dried the tears and apologized.

"Don't even try and apologize. It's nothing to be sorry for… After all. If I'm going to have a babysitting job I might want some practice on this part." I let hear a short, dry laugh to let Belle know I was only making a failed attempt of joking. Belle smiled back and then relaxed and leaned her head back towards my shoulder.

But while I didn't put words to it and probably wouldn't have admitted it to let this moment be about Belle and what she was feeling. I really meant what I had just said, maybe sitting here with her, fighting with Sharon and Hayley. Maybe every relationship to everyone I knew, liked or didn't like would help me if this would go the way I wanted it to and I would care for a six year old. And I wanted this job, I wanted it badly. But still there was that voice in my head reminding me of the cutting, of love problems before I and Hayley finally got together, home work and high school wouldn't leave my head. And it couldn't help to make me feel insecure.

_I wanted to be enough so badly _

**Christie POV **

I had kind of lost count of how many times I had gone into the auditorium on my own. Because I couldn't show anyone what I was feeling, I couldn't show them anyway. If they knew what I was feeling they would only be able to turn it against me. Besides, they would have bigger problems than taking care of what I was going through as well.

And here I was, standing on the stage in front of all of those empty lines of chairs in the auditorium. Trying to find the right photo in my phone. I knew I had it saved up here somewhere- but what did it matter anyway? I could see the photo as clearly in front of me as I could see my fingers moving over the phone screen through yet one photo yet the other- why on earth had I shot so many photos?

At last I had swiped through all of my photos- some of which I had forgotten all about. To one of my very favorites. It was only that I couldn't go back to look at it or I would feel so many feelings at once I would explode- or rather break down crying. And I didn't want to cry! I was fifteen for Christ's sake- I should be able to fight my own battles!

But looking at that photo of me and Finn and a snowman. I and the snowman had think winter coats- the one on the snowman was Finn's so he looked cold with snow pants and a hoodie. Also the beanie and gloves of Finn's were put on the snowman and we all had bright smile on our faces- even the snowman we had made smile while we smiled to the camera when Finn lifted me up as I was so tired when the photo had been shot I couldn't have kept standing.

I sniveled but fought the tears away as I saved that photo up and then fixed my phone to start the music. I tried to concentrate on my phone, but the concentration had all moved onto being angry of everything that renal had taken away from me- including spending more time with Finn. As I would have always been so tired it was more of everybody else taking care of me and Finn getting pushed away by all of the adults fussing.

Finn was the only one who had ever seen only me- not a disease. Just his cousin that was great fun to play with even though she was so much younger than me. And as the picture of Finn and I with that snowman reminded me of him as he had always been in the best of days- in that day with the snowman one of the very last times we met. I missed him more than ever.

It was Friday and I had been wondering about doing what I was doing right now since Monday. I wouldn't have done it if I had just fought against whatever wanted me to do it for only another few hours. But it had gotten so strong- it didn't really matter or make any sense anyway. But something in me was making me doing it. No way would I let myself face why that was though!

As I sang, the memories were playing as clearly as ever for my inner vision. Inside my head Finn was smiling at me, asking me to come outside and play in the snow. Inside of me- just like then I knew he would actually have been a bit too old for that sort of games and I could almost feel how tired I was.

_Okay, bye _

I couldn't shake the fact that my heart was beating harder than ever and I could barely breathe of. After all, after all of the years with renal I should be used to the heaviness in every breath. But I just couldn't ignore it. And maybe that was why I wanted the last couple of words to be not only bye. But goodbye- forever. And while I sang it I pressed on my phone so the picture disappeared from the screen, and from the back of the auditorium wall.

But as the song was done and over it left a silence ringing in my ears. And when I once again swallowed the lump in my throat I wasn't so sure I could fight it all along this time- I didn't want to cry! I didn't want to cry! I didn't want to cry! I didn't…

"Are you alright?"

A voice behind me made me flinch and I quickly span around to find Jake from my English class standing in the curtains. I opened my mouth to say something but closed it again- what was he doing here? I was such an ass for making him worry about this- how much had he heard or seen? Did he know?

"Is there something I could do?" Jake asked after I hadn't answered his first question for like a year of hesitating. "…Is there something you'd want me to do…"

"I know what I want." I fizzled, trying to keep my voice steady interrupting as I could see he had been trying to say more. "I want you to go away. I don't even know you- go away! GO AWAY!" Jake hesitated some more. "GO AWAY." At last, he nodded, shoved his hands into his pockets and then turned around to leave.

When I could hear that damned silence ringing in my ears again I knew he was gone and I was all alone in the room again. And with that I fought all the feelings away with all that I had… I was Christie Kyemohr and I could stand it all on my own!

_Don't you dare go to someone and complain about it Christie Kyemohr! _

_Everyone's got their own problems- so don't you dare_

I could take care of myself. But even though I might or might not have wanted to face what I really wanted. I knew exactly. It might have been though that I couldn't really face what I really wanted because if I was to really do that I wouldn't have been able to fight the tears to save my life.

_I wanted Finn _

**So. Belle's brother Lenny is going back and Belle (and everybody else of course) are worried he won't come back. Belle thinks he will but that he's going to end up like their dad, be put in a wheelchair and end up bitter and violent. But also, she now knows she's going to have a little niece or nephew. And while she really shouldn't be happier because of that, it's kind of over-shadowed that Lenny would, and now have gone back to fight as a soldier. Martina's aunt and her family are moving to Lima- including Wilson 'Will' who is six years old, disabled and the world's cutest kid honestly. Lea-Marie is just as rude and spoiled as she always was. But at least Wilson is still the world's cutest kid. And Sharon seems to be looking forward to meeting her baby. Esme seems like she finally has a job- the little brother to Malora from senior year and her twin Miranda who committed suicide last year… and Belle's broken… and Mady's really sweet… And Esme and Hayley are very much still together. Meanwhile Christie still thinks she shouldn't show any feelings. But this guy Jake seems to care for her even though she wouldn't let him close to save her own life. She also really misses Finn. **

**Jake is made by x snow- pony x and portrayed by Davis Cleveland. Shauna is portrayed by Zendaya. Wilson is portrayed by (younger) Colby Canterbury, Jade by (very much younger) Mia Talerico. Martina's dad by Rob Thomas- he's made by Riana Salvatore. And then Martina's aunt and (kind of) uncle are portrayed by Sherry Stringfield and Marc Gilpin. Sharon's dad- Adam is made by yonna9queen and portrayed by Patrick Dempsey. Mr. Dom is portrayed by Shawn Ashmore and made by LocalXmusicXjellybeanX Mr. Jonas by Aaron Ashmore. Kayla is portrayed by Kira Kosarin and made by GleeJunkie007. Mrs. And Mr. Stone are partly made by xIloveheartlandx and me, and are portrayed by Scott Grimes and Marian Tomas-Griffin. Their kid Sammy is made by xIloveheartlandx and portrayed by (younger) Rupert Grint. Malora is portrayed by Bella Thorne and so would her twin sister Miranda be. Malora is made by LocalXmusicXjellybeanX and Miranda by xIloveheartlandx. Esme's family are slightly mentioned and are portrayed by Robert Pralgo, Susan Walters. Then Keira by Vanessa Marano and Katrina by Phoebe Tonkin. They are all made by Lorelai Sofia Petrova. **

**Playlist  
**Martina- God's Will- Martina McBride  
Lea-Marie- Whatever they do- Moa Lignell  
Sharon- Small bump- Ed Sheeran  
Dakota/ Benjamin- True Colors- MattyB feat Olivia Kay  
Belle- When I look at you- Miley Cyrus  
Christie- do you want to build a snowman- Frozen

**Hey. Have you noticed that in the section where I write the portrayers of the minors you can always kind of see in which order I wrote the POV's. Since with the one I wrote first those will be the first and then the second and then… (I don't write the POV's in order. But only work on one at the time) **

**Random fact **

As you can see some parts of the Stone's- family are made by xIloveheartlandx and some made by LocalXmusicXjellybeanX. It wasn't like that from the beginning, Malora was a minor made at the beginning of the story. I asked xIloveheartlandx for a kid that Esme would be babysitting and wanted the kid to have had certainly circumstances- Miranda. That it suited with Miranda and Malora being the same age, both starting with M and everything was something I noticed and later used to decide they were one family. What made me realize? Oh- that would have been the red hair! And honestly, I'm quite happy with the way it turned out.


	40. I never knew I could feel like this

**Belle POV **

After that weekend when Lenny had told me he was leaving I had actually done my best to stay away from people and talking to others. I knew that every time I did and I thought of Lenny- which I did, a lot. I almost told them and they probably had their own problems without me coming with my problems.

_Hello soldiers_

_These two weeks before the Easter holidays and the first week afterwards will be spent rehearsing and coming with songs for regionals. Regionals is Friday, April the thirteenth (Friday the thirteenth, but we shall have only good luck). Kurt is fixing with the outfits of course. I'm still not sure where it will be- at which school but I'll find out soon enough. Everything you need to worry about are the songs. I can't wait to see what you have all got- per usual. _

_-Mr. Blaine _

I sighed, one week and two days had passed since Mr. Blaine made an announcement that the preparing for regionals would make the same as the one in December for sectionals- except for one thing, this time nobody had come up with any songs. Well, there had been a couple of them- but none good enough, none just right.

Wednesday, the day before Maundy Thursday was the last day of school. I was on my way down the street from my house. And as Daniel passed my house if he walked, which he did most days right now- he would pass my street. Although at first he had to pass my house and wait at the bottom of the street. I wasn't so sure how my parents would react to me having a boyfriend.

"Hello." Daniel smiled as I came around the corner and met up with him, then laid his arm around my shoulders. For some reason, in my company- and me in his we could just talk about anything. Well, that was except for Lenny and his going away- so while I gave my all not to talk about it. Daniel kept on babbling about Easter and this being the last day of school.

"Isn't it a bit weird they call it Good Friday?" Daniel questioned, still having his arm around my shoulders as we walked but looking away and seeming weirdly distant. "I mean after all- I don't believe in it. But it was supposed to be they hung Jesus up there on that cross wasn't it?" I shrugged, not really knowing what I could- or what he would want me to answer. "Are you okay? You've been so quiet lately!" I nodded, still not looking at him and not sure if I would have wanted him to more or less pull the answer out of me or quit there. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah." I smiled up at him. "Just a bit tired… I'm fine Dan. Really!"

Daniel smiled at me, rubbed my back and then shoved his hands into his pockets. We were getting close to the school yard now and while we didn't keep our relationship a secret, we had bot thought it was best not to flash it out for everyone to see it just yet.

I dreamed away while walking, my thoughts went to Lenny and wonders about where he was right now, what he was doing. When he would be coming home, then that little tiny voice that I shouldn't even have there- what if he won't?

I tried fighting that thought away. Sure he would come home! With a baby on the way, mum and I, Shauna and everything there was no way he would let us down. Baby, that baby, that baby, that baby…

Still trying to fight away those thoughts I couldn't help but for my inner vision see the framed sonogram picture that laid in my desk drawer. It wasn't a secret, but it was just that special feeling when I came home every day. Hurried up to my room and pulled out the drawer, every time I knew the photo was there and that it was really true. And then that feeling both when I had the frame in my hands looking down on it and when I only saw it for myself.

While I was heartbroken of the fact that Lenny might not ever come home, or at least it would be what felt like a thousand years before he would. I couldn't deny the feeling of my heart only melting when I thought about my little niece or nephew- and I couldn't ever have known I could love this much. I could never have known how wrong those feelings seemed. Should I be sad that Lenny wasn't here? Angry? Or should I just be happy and feeling the love for his and Shauna's baby?

I had never even known I could feel this confused

**Keagan POV **

"Have you thought about the stables by the way?"

I suppressed a moan when Bradon, once again at lunch that Wednesday at lunch. Math class was next and therefore- as Bradon was one class above the rest of his grade in just math we had that class together. Which meant finishing in the cafeteria meant walking side by side towards our lockers in waiting for math class.

I and Bradon had been friends- even best friends for God knows how long. I think ever since I and dad moved to Lima after my mum left. And we had had very few and short periods of time when we didn't talk- the longest and worst this winter after Bradon suddenly kissed me at prom, although we had made up and I barely even thought of it anymore.

Still, whenever Bradon brought up the stables, which he seemed to be doing more and more often I kind of just wanted to rip his head off. I hadn't returned to the stables after leaving in tears the day Alma had been put down- and I sure did not want to return neither.

"No." I said in a low voice trying to make it clear I did not want to talk about that. "Have you thought about any more songs for regionals? You know we need three and…"

"Don't change the subject Keags. You need to face it sooner or later… I and your dad went to the stables yesterday." I made a face- who had even given them the right to go there. It had used to be my place, I had been there all the time- and I certainly did not know I could feel so annoyed with anyone- let alone my best friend. And that was before Bradon continued. "Your horse… Domino he's still yours you know! The Morgan's have been taking care of him while you haven't been there. Although if you don't return soon they and your dad will have to sell him."

"I don't care."

"I know you care." Bradon protested against my statement. "And I know you miss Domino- I think he even misses you. You should go there again some time. Keagan I'm only trying to help. You love the stables and I know you're missing it…" There I had had enough, I stopped abruptly in the hallway and said whatever came to mind for a reply first.

"No." I quickly span around facing Bradon. "I don't want to go back to that place. I never will. And I don't care about what happens to Domino. If you can't accept that then that is your problem not mine…"

I span around again and stomped down the hallway having left Bradon behind. Screw him! Screw Domino! Screw my dad and my mum and the stables and all of that everything. I didn't give a damn about it- I wanted Alma back here with me again. She was the only thing that meant anything.

Although I still knew the truth not wanting to face it.I had always the horse riding. Or just spending time with the horses over-all. I could never have guessed that at any point in my life I wouldn't have been in the stables for like a hundred years. And I could certainly not have guessed that I wouldn't even be missing it.

I wouldn't be missing it! I couldn't be missing it! Without my Alma it wasn't the same so I certainly didn't miss the way it was right now. Certainly not. I did not ever want to go back to that place, it would just be too painful wouldn't it?

I could never have known how much I could really tell myself something while all of me was shouting the opposite. But it didn't matter, I couldn't go back to the stables now that Alma wouldn't be there anymore.

Before it, even though it had been years since I don't think I could ever have guessed how much an animal- a pet could mean to you. But in all of those times when it was one year since mum left, two, five… through bullies and stress at school and through exactly everything- Alma had been there. And I couldn't have ever thought it would get any better than this. I couldn't have ever thought I would return up that hill to the stables anyway.

**Dakota POV **

I hummed to myself walking down the stairs trying to find the right paper sheets in my folder without dropping the whole thing- which of course I did anyway and I swore loudly just before I kneeled and picked all of those papers up, hearing the way too loud laughter from Alex Fredericks as he walked by and kicked the pencil case I had also dropped so it ended up at the bottom of the stairs.

I bit my lip and forced myself not to say or do anything at him while continuing to pick up the stuff. It would only make it worse before later- I knew that Alexander Fredericks and he knew exactly how to make things worse. And of course- half a second later I did have very much else to think about. Suddenly I heard a scream and looked up just in time to see Sharon's figure as good as rolling down the stairs before she ended up in some kind of sprawled position on the stone floor below the bottom stair and didn't move.

"SHARON."

I didn't even know I had shouted until I heard myself doing it and I quickly and without noticing dropped all of the things I had just picked up and sprinted down the stairs, kneeling by my friend who seemed to be having trouble moving with the big belly and everything.

"Just lay still Shar" I tried comforting but couldn't hide the shakiness in my voice. "Lay still for a second, just lay still."

"…FINE!" I had half of half noticed her saying something before, but didn't even hear what before she shouted it right into my ear. "I'm fine Kota. Really! Can you just…" She looked around at the people who had gathered when they heard Sharon falling. "…help me up please and I'll get away from here." I nodded quickly, took one of her arms for support, and then flinched when Christie Kyemohr stood by my arm holding the things Sharon had dropped in one hand- and the things that I had dropped in the other.

"Thanks Chris." Christie didn't reply to neither my thanks nor Sharon's. But honestly, this random act of kindness was just something so far away from the character of Christie Kyemohr I knew. I was so chocked that she had done it I barely got the words out. And most certainly didn't have the time to notice if she replied before her tiny little figure disappeared into the crowd.

"Are you sure you're okay? Can I get you anything? Water or…"

"I'm fine Kota." Sharon almost whispered back as the crowd slowly got smaller. "Really, I am. I just stumbled. See you at glee club today. You know we were meeting up for trying out the outfits for regionals today right?"

I nodded and smiled slightly. Honestly I couldn't wait for it. Kurt obviously had some very well senses of fashion but after having met him only a few times I knew he could also be well crazy with the clothes and I just needed to see them like yesterday. And as Sharon had fallen like two hours before glee club, time seemed to be standing still during math class.

By the time that I could see Sharon falling in the stairs I had been so afraid I would have thought I'd keep on seeing it for my inner vision over and over again forever, or at least for the rest of the day. But somewhere in all of what regionals planning and homework and exams meant. I must have let it slip. And when I was outside the choir room- way too early, but as Benjamin was already there I probably wasn't the one who was most excited.

"Looking forward to it? What are you looking forward to?" I joked. "I mean, we're only going to see the clothes for regionals anyway."

"Yeah…" Benjamin smirked. "After what he came up with for sectionals I can't wait. And I don't care about clothes half as much as you do so I can imagine. But Burt has kept on hinting Kurt had a good idea for the sectionals clothes. And whenever he- or Carole forces me to come to theirs for dinner they all just seem so secretive so I can't wait. Kurt is great by the way and Mady will be shark this time too- well not really too since she was ill at regionals but she was at the Christmas concert too so I guess… well, Kurt is great. Did you know he was the one who came up with the idea that got Burt and Carole together?"

I smiled as Benjamin kept on babbling. Sometimes he could just be such an ADHD'an and start talking and then go back and forth and back and forth until I would have stopped listening and this time I did so too. Although, I loved it when he did it and right now I just couldn't keep myself from smiling. Damn it I was happy to have a friend like Benjamin… friend?

I had never felt an as strong urge to do or say something before. And afterwards- or even during I would never be able to understand where it came from. I and Benjamin only stood by the lockers talking like we usually did before glee club- or any time of the school day really. Or any part of the day except not at school. But right then, right there outside the choir room I knew everything my brother's had been teasing me for.

Seeing Benjamin for the moment I couldn't even hear what he was saying. Everything I could see was his pale skin, pink lips, the blonde hair that had grown long enough to constantly fall into his eyes- and God those eyes!

Right in that moment it took simply my everything to keep myself from only leaning over to him and kiss those lips. And the only thought that kept me from doing it was the voice in my head telling me that Benjamin would never feel the same for me and that if I did it would totally ruin our friendship. The fact that made it all worse and that had me sitting like frozen in that position was that now when Benjamin, Mady and Gaby lived with me and my dad and brothers after their house burned down- our ruined friendship would mean trouble- loads of trouble!

I swallowed hard and didn't dare to move almost afraid of what all of those feelings would make me do if I as much as flinched. And still I couldn't even hear what that blonde- haired boy right in front of me was saying. Damn it- I had never felt like this before! I was in love! I was totally in love.

Just as I thought there would be no stopping me and all of those feelings something interrupted. Something that made my fear stronger than ever before and made me forget all about love- and seeing that screaming figure of a person crouched in the hallway had me more afraid than I could have ever known I would feel.

**Sharon POV **

How did this happen?

One second I had been on my way through the hallway towards the extra glee club rehearsal the last day before the Easter break. Then the next I was kneeled by the wall screaming in agony as something felt as if it was tearing my body in half.

I had never experienced anything like this before, I could never have known how much pain could tear through your body and make everything else disappear. I must have known there were people around me, I must have known I was at school and I must have heard them around me but they were gone. They were all gone into a blurry mass around me as pain flashed through my body and I barely even knew the pain- filled screams echoing through the hallways of McKinley.

Then suddenly, the pain was gone and there was nothing. No pain, I couldn't see nor hear anything around me and everything was dark, and the dark was safe surrounding me. The numbness surrounding me was then leaving again but oh dear God let it stay like that. I didn't want to go back- it hurt too much.

Some invisible force opened my eyes and while I barely knew it, something in me knew that the hallways I could now see the insides of was coming into the emergency room. But how on earth did I end up here? I was just at school. And it had hurt- it had hurt so bad but now I just felt weirdly numb and really odd in a way I certainly did not recognize.

"Sharon?" While I barely even knew it mum came running over to the stretcher being pushed through the hallways of the emergency room. "It's okay baby. It's okay. I'm right here. It will be okay now, I'm right here."

I had wanted to answer something to mum, even tell her that I was okay- it didn't hurt right now anyways! I just felt oddly numb and weird. But at least it wasn't painful right now like it had been five minutes ago.

"Dr. Mason…"

"This baby…"

"Push…"

I could hear fragments of what people were saying. Knowing they were speaking but I couldn't take the words in and understand that this was bad, really bad. I should have known it was but… I couldn't feel anything at all.

"And here we go."

Something happened- something changed. I wasn't conscious enough to really notice what but I knew- I just knew. And barely seeing a nurse having taken my baby in her hands and rushing out of the room confirmed that my baby had been born.

"It's a boy." Mum almost whispered to me still stroking my hair that was soaking with sweat- she looked sweaty herself I suddenly realized. Her fringe laid flat against her forehead and she kept on wiping her palms against the T- shirt she was wearing. Shouldn't she have been given some hospital gown or whatever by now?

Thoughts like that, only about random things that shouldn't mean anything right now kept on spinning in my head. It was like my brain was trying to shut out the thoughts of my baby no longer inside of me and now taken away from me. My baby- my little boy.

"Why isn't he screaming?"

Mum's voice sounded weirdly distant. As if I was hearing it standing on the other side of a wall from her. I could hear her shouting, the panic in her that couldn't be hidden. Not even to protect me. I could hear it all but it just sounded so far away.

Suddenly the clicks of the door to the trauma room being opened woke me up from my half- conscious state and I looked up. "I'm sorry." Who must have been Dr. Mason almost sounded as if he was about to cry coming over to me when he came back with my baby wrapped in a white hospital blanket. "There was nothing we could do. He had already died before the birth. There was nothing you could have done to stop it… Do you want to hold him?"

I could hear Dr. Mason's question, but I couldn't take it in and get what it really meant. My arms fell lax to my sides and I couldn't lift them. I couldn't even feel them, I couldn't feel the stretcher beneath me neither. I was just… It was as if something in my brain was trying to protect me from something because I couldn't feel anything.

I should have felt something I knew. I should have been wanting to rip my heart out it should have ached so much. I should have been screaming, crying and pleading for the doctors to do something. Anything they could for what could possibly save my baby. One solution more impossible than the other but… I should.

Instead I felt just weirdly numb in a way I couldn't even describe. Not in any way I had felt before and in a way I sure hoped I would never have to feel ever again. I just felt so weird, as if there was nothing in the whole world except for me. And while I could follow mum holding tightly onto the baby in her arms and the tears running down her cheeks. I couldn't quite get myself to the point where I knew how those two were tied together.

I sank back towards the stretcher, feeling it beneath me barely at all but at the same time so hard it almost hurt. Only almost, and if I would have ever been to guess it I would never be able to understand, or know how I could feel like this. Because while I hadn't known I could feel like this before I hoped when my eyelids started closing by themselves that when I woke up this would be a nightmare and it would all be over.

**Yeah, Sharon had her baby. Yeah, it was a boy. Yeah, he's now dead. Yeah, I know you all want to kill me. Yeah, I'm just gonna go behind this wall and hide while you throw rotten tomatoes at me. Upon that Dakota's finally realizing how madly in love he is with Benjamin. But what happened three seconds later had him forgetting about all of that. He also really cares for Sharon but does not like Alex Fredericks- well nobody does like him really but what does he have to do with anything? I bet this means trouble. Meanwhile, Belle haven't been able to tell any of her friends or anyone about Lenny leaving since she doesn't want to bother anyone. Meanwhile, Keagan still hasn't returned to the stables, Alma's dead and if Keagan doesn't return soon they'll have to sell the other horse Keagan has- and it's looking like they might have to if Keagan doesn't swallow his pride and realize he has and wants to return no matter how much it hurts.  
**

**Alex Fredericks is sent in by LocalXmusicXjellybeanX and portrayed by Max Carver. Gaby and Mady. Benjamin's mum and sister who are barely mentioned are portrayed by Sarah Grace Morris and Gabrielle Reece. Lenny is portrayed by Nathan Stewart-Jarrett and made by GleekFreak908 and Shauna is made by me and portrayed by Zendaya. Keagan's parents who are briefly mentioned are made by LocalXmusicXjellybeanX and portrayed by Jennifer Garner and David Boreanaz. The Morgan's who own the stables where Keagan used to go are also briefly mentioned and are portrayed by Thandie Newton, Isaiah Washington and Skai Jackson and I think that's it. **

**Random fact **

Actually, I decided the whole chapter would be set the day before the Easter holidays because I couldn't come up with enough songs for ideas for regionals. As I wanted to save those for later this chapter has got no songs. The next chapter will be set during the whole Easter holidays. And then the next after that won't have the whole week for more rehearsals for regionals. It will simply be like at sectionals and the whole chapter will be set during the regionals competition. It will go back to normal after that, but I decided to do it like this or it would be long dragged- out chapters with no storylines whatsoever. So with that I hope you're all happy with the way I decided to do it and that you'll enjoy the rest.

**See you! **


	41. Full cast list

**Well hello. Sorry for all of you who thought it was a chapter- don't worry. I am not here to announce that I'm taking a break from this story. But you know how I make a cast list in every chapter where I put the minors mentioned in the chapter? Yeah that thing at the end. I thought of a better solution- and here is a cast list with all of the characters of dancing in the rain that have got a portrayer. I will save this chapter up, and well… Let's get to it. **

**Some of these characters haven't been brought into the story yet. These are only the characters that have got portrayers. When the character gas more than one sibling they are mentioned from the oldest to the youngest. **

**Finn's army members and their families**

**Belle Jolie- **Jessica Sula  
(Brother) Lenny Jolie- Nathan Stewart-Jarrett  
(Mum) Jean Jolie- Kerry Washington  
(Dad) Billy Jolie- Don Cheadle  
_Made by GleekFreak908_

**Benjamin Heedie- **Kåre Hedebrant  
(Sister) Madison Heedie- Sarah Grace Morris  
(Mum) Gabriella Heedie- Gabrielle Reece  
(Dad) Jay Heedie- Jay Mohr  
_Made by me _

**Bradon Fredericks- **Cayden Boyd  
(Brother) Bennett Fredericks- Charlie Carver  
(Sister) Haiden Fredericks- Claudia Lee  
(Brother) Alexander Fredericks- Max Carver  
(Mum) Karen Fredericks- Leslie Stefanson  
(Dad) Edward Fredericks- Owen Wilson  
_Made by LocalXmusicXjellybeanX_

**Charlotte Amato- **Genevieve Hannelius  
(Mum) Katherine Lockart Amato- January Jones  
(Dad) Ronald Amato- Eric Dane  
(Sister) Frances Amato- Dove Cameron  
(Stepmother) Kirsten Linnel Amato- Chandra Wilson  
(Stepbrother) Liam Linnel- Roshon Fegan  
_Made by JoshiferJennoist_

**Christie Kyemohr- **Savannah McReynolds  
(Brother) Toby Kyemohr- (younger) Jacob Hopkins  
(Mum) Tess Kyemohr- Camryn Manheim  
(Dad) Stephen Kyemohr- Regan Burns**  
**_Made by me_

**Dakota Lopez- **David Archuleta  
(Dad) Alejandro Lopez- Adam Rodriguez  
(Brother) Luis Lopez- Ramón Rodriguez  
(Brother) Diego Lopez- Carlos Pena Jr.  
(Brother) Christian Lopez- Jake T. Austin  
(Brother) Javier Lopez- Avan Jogia**  
**_Made by Babygleefan11_

**Daniel Vincent- **Shane Harper  
(Sister) Angelica Vincent- (younger) Georgie Henley  
(Mum) Julie Vincent- Julie Bowen  
(Dad) Stephen Vincent- Stephen Root  
_Made by me _

**Esme Montague- **Shelley Hennig  
(Sister) Keira Montague- Vanessa Marano  
(Twin sister) Katrina Montague- Phoebe Tonkin  
(Mum and French teacher) Michelle Montague- Susan Walters  
(Dad) Richard Montague- Robert Pralgo  
_Made by Lorelai Sofia Petrova_

**Jasper Birch- **Oliver Coleman  
(Sister) Evie Birch- Charlotte Salt  
(Mum) Michelle Birch- Alex Kingston  
(Dad) Howard Birch- Alex Walkinshaw  
_Made by x snow-pony x_

**Keagan Spencer- **Alex Goot  
(Mum) Agatha Weston- Jennifer Garner  
(Dad) Richard Spencer- David Boreanaz  
_Made by LocalXmusicXjellybeanX_

**Martina Kessler- **Hayden Panettiere**  
**(Dad) Mark Kessler- Rob Thomas  
_Made by Riana Salvatore_

**Lea-Marie Hale- **Alicia Josipovic  
(Dad) Morgan Hale- Mark Ruffalo  
(Dad's girlfriend) Marion McDonald- Rachel Blanchard

**Seth Anderson-Phillips-** Sam Woolf  
(Adoptive sister) Jessica Phillips- Ciara Bravo  
(Adoptive mum) Laura Phillips- Ellen Pompeo  
(Adoptive dad) Hunter Phillips- Liam Neeson  
_Made by GleeJunkie007_

**Sharon Fischer- **Emma Stone (with red hair)  
(Dad) Adam Fischer- Patrick Dempsey  
_Made by Yonna9queen_

**Band and their families**

**Jonas Ashton- Cooper- **Aaron Ashmore**  
Dominic Ashton- Cooper- **Shawn Ashmore**  
Kayla Ashton- Cooper- **Kira Kosarin  
(Mum and math teacher) Hailey- Rena Sofer  
(Dad) Qwyn Ashton- George Clooney  
_Made by me, Gleejunkie007 and localXmusicXjellybeanX_

**Wilhelmina Hughes- **Rowan Blanchard  
(Brother) Jeffrey Hughes- Michael Socha  
(Brother) Cody Hughes- Mitchell Musso  
(Brother) Ken Hughes- Uriah Shelton  
(Brother) James Hughes- (younger) Noah Marullo  
(Brother) Andrew Hughes- (younger) Noah Marullo  
(Brother) Nicholas Hughes- Tenzing Norgay Trainor  
(Brother) Thomas Hughes- (Younger) Bobby Coleman  
(Brother) Evan Hughes- August Maturo  
(Brother) Philip Hughes- August Maturo  
(Mum) Cora Hughes- María Canals Barrera  
(Dad) Matthew Hughes- Guy Henry**  
**_Made by me, Lorelai Sofia Petrova, x snow- pony x, GleeJunkie007 and yonna9queen _

**Other students and their families **

**Avery Benson- **David Avery  
Freya Nicole Benson- Nikki Hahn  
_Made by me_

**Dana Sanchez- **Ariana Grande  
_Made by JoshiferJennoist_

**Hayley Graham- **Tom Holland  
(Mum and school phycologist) Shannon Graham- Imelda Staunton  
(Dad) Frank Graham- Paul Bradley**  
**_Made by me _

**Jacob Barns (Jake)- **(Younger) Davis Cleveland  
(Mum) Emma Barns- Brittany Snow  
(Mum) Rachael Barns- Anna Camp  
Made by x snow-pony x

**Jude Vincent- **Daniel Seavey  
(Sister) Lily Vincent- Nina Dobrev  
(Mum) Andrea Vincent- Jenna Coleman  
(Dad) Sandy Vincent- Kerr Smith  
_Made by GleeJunkie007_

**Lawrence Collins- **Greyson Chance**  
Harold Collins- **Greyson Chance**  
Marianne Collins- **Kay Panabaker**  
**(Brother) Thomas Collins Jr.- James Bartlett  
(Mum) Jane Collins- Maura Tierney (As of being a nurse in the ER-series)  
(Dad) Thomas Collins Sr.- Tom Everett Scott**  
**_Made by me, GleeJunkie007 and x snow-pony x_

**Lucy Everlark-**Rita Ora  
_Made by JoshiferJennoist_

_**Malora Stone- **__Bella Thorne  
_(Twin sister) Miranda Stone- Bella Thorne  
(Brother) Samuel Stone- (Younger) Rupert Grint  
(Mum and art teacher) Laura Stone- Marian Thomas Griffin  
(Dad and football coach) Harry Stone**-**Scott Grimes_  
Made by me, xIloveheartlandx and LocalXmusicXjellybeanX_

**Pete Oswald- **Hayden Byerly  
Clara Oswald- Billie Piper  
_Made by GleeJunkie007_

**Renata Perkins- **JoJo  
(Dad) Christopher Perkins- Eric Allan Kramer  
(Mum) Cara Perkins- Jennifer Love Hewitt  
_Made by me and Riana Salvatore_

**Savannah White- **Samantha Logan  
(Mum) Trinity White- Karla Mosley**  
**_Made by GleeJunkie007_

**Sheena Dylan- **Bailee Madison**  
Zeke Dylan- **Blake Michael**  
**_Made by me and xIloveheartlandx_

**Violet Morgan- **Janelle Arthur  
(Sister) Olivia Morgan- Sabrina Carpenter  
(Mum) Samantha Morgan  
(Dad) Jim Morgan- David Conrad  
Made by GleeJunkie007

**Xenia Marie Angelo- **Willa Holland  
(Brother) **James Angelo- **Jack Griffo  
(Dad and English teacher) Robert Angelo**\- **Sean Penn  
_Made by me and GleeJunkie007_

**Others**

(Hospital receptionist) Alexey Nicholson- Eddie Redmayne  
_Made by me_

(Carole's dog) Alice- My dog Jippie  
_Made by me _

(Daniel's friend) Ashleigh Michaels- Shannon Flynn  
_Made by x snow-pony x_

(Sharon's friends)Austin Brooke- Logan Lerman  
(son) Callum Brooke- Pierce Gagnon  
(Mum) Anna Brooke- Marion Cotillard  
(Dad) Martin Brooke- Gerard Butler  
(Girlfiend) Inez Delgado- Raini Rodriguez  
_Made by me and xIloveheartlandx_

(Lived with the Heedie's) Brady Quil- Zach Roerig  
_Made by me_

(Mady's teddy bear) Charlie Brown- My teddy bear Bamse (He's in the coer picture to my other story 'stand by me' if you want to see)  
_Made by me_

(Judge at sectionals) Cole Michaels- (younger) Blaine Larsen  
_Made by me_

Daniel Finn Schuester- (younger) Kyle Harrison Breitkopf  
_From the series, but I decided the celebrity look alike_

(Keagan's friends) Isaiah Morgan- Isaiah Washington  
(Daughter) Tanisha Morgan- Skai Jackson  
(Wife) Yolanda Morgan- Thandie Newton  
_Made by me _

(Christie's friend) June Stevens- Maggie Smith  
_Made by me_

(Martina's aunt)Maria Goran- Sherry Stringfield  
Wilson Goran- (younger) Colby Canterbury  
Jade Goran James- (younger) Mia Talerico  
John James- Marc Gilpin  
_Made by me_

(Friends to the Kessler's) Rachelle Hernandez- (younger) Selena Gomez  
Enrique Hernandez- Diego Ramos  
_Made by me_

(Lenny's girlfriend) Shauna Butler- Zendaya  
_Made by me_

**If anyone knows anyone I have forgotten. Or can spot a portrayer used twice etc. Please write it in a review or send a pm.**


	42. I love you too mum

**So. Here we are again. Sorry I haven't updated in a while. And this chapter probably won't be the best. But I've been suffering from a major case of writer's block. But here is the chapter. I hope you like it**

**A hundred years later**

**I am so, so sorry I just seemed to fall off the face of the earth. At the time I had three pov's finished and the fourth started, my laptop broke down and I didn't have the chapter saved anywhere. I was frightened everything would get lost, but a friend of my dad's fixed it. I was handed it back and now I can finally keep on writing. So, I'm sorry. But here we are finally… **

**As I'm writing this author's note it's actually my birthday. Yay! **

**Oh and by the way, do you remember the theme of the fall holidays chapter? **

**Jasper POV **

On the Sunday two days after the school had ended for the mid-term holidays I and dad were going to a basketball game. It wasn't a big game or anything. But at Easter day afternoon the staff of the parish would split into two teams and play, priests and deacons against pedagogues and other staff or something like that. They usually used the church wardens on place as cheerleaders and stuff like that. And most wardens were sixty plus so that could be interesting… Well, I had always wanted to go. But I and dad had decided to go and ten minutes before we were going I was so excited I sat bouncing my basketball up and down on my bedroom floor counting down the seconds until it was two minutes left and I couldn't hold it anymore.

"Dad." I walked downstairs and right away could see dad from the open door to his office. "Can we go now… Come on dad, it's Easter day. Jesus has risen or something like that- not that I'm sure I believe in that. So you can't work today. Come on, let's go. I've been looking forward to this for ages and I know you have been too." Dad smiled slightly, but didn't look away from his computer.

"In a second. I just have to do this very quick think for work now." I sighed- and wanted to say more, probably nothing very mature, but kept silent. "It will only be five minutes." I nodded, then walked out of his office and closed the door after me. Sitting down in the stairs I started bouncing my basketball again- up and down, up and down, up and down. And I didn't drop it once- for fifteen minutes.

"Dad." I walked back into dad's office. "Can we go now? Or we're gonna be late."

"Not now Jazz. I need to finish this first."

"But the game starts soon."

"This will only take five more minutes…"

"But da…"

I didn't get any further than that. Suddenly, we both looked up when we could hear Evie break down crying in her room. And while I frowned, worrying for Evie. I couldn't help the strange gut- feeling that I was angry and hurt. Now I and dad would never leave for that game!

Dad had gotten up from his chair (what a surprise!) and now hurried out of the office and towards Evie's room. I sighed and slumped down into the chair he had just been sitting in. And for a minute I was just so damn sick and tired of all of this.

And even though I would probably never be able to forget this feeling (jealousy- even though I would never have admitted it) I would probably never regret what I did about it. Although right then and there it seemed like the right thing to do. Something was telling me that after three years of being there for Evie through warm and cold, every single time she broke down. And not ever saying one thing in complaint about it. Damn it! This was supposed to be dad and I's day out together.

"Come on dad." I walked into Evie's room where she sat crouched on her bed with mum and dad on either side of her. "Come on. Mum's here, we can go." Dad glared at me, mum showed me to get out. "Come on. This is like the only time in my whole life I have planned something alone with one of you two and this happens. Come on. Just this one time."

"Jasper don't be jealous now. Go away."

"Fine then." I should have known I should have stopped. But I was so angry and upset I didn't think about what I was saying. "But you know, this is gonna happen again- and again- and again. And every time it happens…"

"GET OUT." Evie was crying, although she had been so already before I came in. I glared at dad who had stood up and pointed towards the door. "Go!" I bit my lip, but didn't move. "We're not going anywhere." I looked up- and right into his eyes.

"But dad you prom…"

"Not when you're acting like this. We aren't going anywhere so now get out!" I backed one step. And then backed out of Evie's room and closed the door after me. Before I hurried through the kitchen and up the stairs. It felt like forever but actually didn't take me long before I also could close my own door after me and slump down on my bed.

It was so unfair!

I laid down, turned towards the wall and stared towards the green color. I put my fingertips towards some drawings I had made on the wall I had made when I was like eight. Back then I hadn't really liked the color of my walls, and I thought that drawing would me get my will through with painting them. I hadn't though, and I had grown to like green. But the drawings were still there a bit of everywhere in the room, although following the lines with my fingertips could be quite relaxing. And some moments I was almost happy that the walls hadn't been painted again, even though it had a couple years ago been planned that we'd do it.

I wasn't very happy about it today though. The plans had been changed when Evie and Aunt Lisa were in that car crash and I couldn't blame them for that. Dad's sister had died and of course we were all broken. But then after a few months when things had quite gotten back to normal I asked if we could paint my walls then. But of course we didn't- I had known then we wouldn't be able to. Because none of what I wanted mattered at all when Evie was around.

I didn't think even I cared about me when Evie was around.

It seemed every time I as much as planned on something. With mum and dad, or alone. Or felt good with doing something. Then Evie would have a breakdown and destroy it all. And in my upset state I didn't see how wrong I was. After all it was the depression, and not Evie herself that destroyed things.

After what felt like forever I could hear mum's footsteps through the kitchen and up the stairs. Knowing she was heading for my room I knew I would have the scolding of my life. And I just wanted to sink through the ground and not come back. Get on a train somewhere and leave for a place where no one knew me to start over.

"Jasper."

Mum came in without knocking. I was slowly rolling the basketball, still in my hands over the mattress back and forth. Only to have something else to think about than the scolding I'd get- although I never got one!

"I know. And I know that you know why Evie have been getting our attention so much more than you for so long." I didn't turn around and just kept on staring into the wall- but the color of it was starting to blur from tears rising in my eyes. "And I know I and dad have been telling you loads of times. But it is true- even though we have to put more attention to Evie than you. We certainly do not love you any less than her."

"I know. You keep on saying that."

"Do you believe us?"

I didn't answer that. My quick answer would have been 'no'. But my anger had run off enough to know that if I would have answered that, I would only be doing that because I was angry and hurt. Instead of answering I just sighed, and didn't move. Neither did I when I heard mum move and come closer. And she reached down and pushed her hand through my light brown curls and leaned down to whisper something in my ear.

"I love you Jazz." She raised her voice. "Whether you believe it or not I do… I gotta go downstairs." Mum didn't have to say where she was going. She was going to Evie's room. "And I know dad and Evie love you loads as well. We all do. Even though we don't always show it."

Mum raised and left the room, but she didn't close the door after her and I could hear dad and Evie meeting her in the kitchen. And hearing mum say the same sentence to Evie as she had said to me kind of only made me feel worse while the tears started running down my cheeks and onto my pillow.

"I love you Evie."

I sighed, I wasn't even sure I wanted to hear the reply. And I was more certain than ever that saying it to Evie it was true. Saying it to me they only did because they had to. But I couldn't help to hear the reply, and the broken tone in Evie's whimper made me feel if possible- even worse.

"_I love you too mum." _

**Esme POV **

"Are you nervous?" Dad asked me as I stood in the hallway on Tuesday of the midterm holidays, ready to leave for the Stones' house. To get to meet their son that I would be babysitting. I just shrugged as an answer. But probably already knew that dad could see that I was freaking out. "Don't worry about it Es. Everybody gets nervous the first day at work- especially the first job they have." I sighed- did he really have to remind me? "And besides…" He hugged me tight. "You'll do great."

"Do I look okay?" To change the subject I stood up after tying my shoelaces and showed him simple blue- jeans, a dark- red knitted shirt and dark- red converse along with my the-fault-in-our-stars- bag that Hayley had given me for Christmas.

"You look beautiful." Dad smiled at me. "Just like always. Now go, you don't want to be late. I can drive you if you want."

"No thanks. It's just a few blocks away anyway." I reached up to kiss his cheek and then walked out the door. I didn't have to say goodbye to mum or my sisters as they were out shopping. "Bye."

"Bye Es." Suddenly my phone buzzed with a message and I couldn't help but smile to myself when I stopped, pulled up my phone and saw it was from my boyfriend.

_Good luck on your first day as work. Call me later and tell me how it went. But don't worry, you'll do great. I love you –Hayley _

_I'll do that. I love you too xxx _

I pressed send for my reply, pushed the phone back into my pocket and walked down the street. Then, through the two and a half blocks it was to the Stones' house. I could feel my heart beating with nervousness harder and harder and harder until I knocked on the door to number five and then waited.

"Hello Esme." Mrs. Stone came and greeted me at the door smiling. "How nice to see you again. I take it you want to meet our Sammy today and see who you will have to babysit… yes of course, we already planned that and oh…" Two puppies had come running into the hallway and were jumping and barking around our feet. "Oh these are the puppies, Lucky have got the yellow collar, and Shadow have got the blue." I nodded- thankful both of the black Labradors had different collars so I could tell them apart. "And Sammy is in here… somewhere… come in, come in. You can keep your shoes on. None of us take them off to come inside anyway." I nodded. "You can put your bag and jacket there. Now come on in. Excuse the mess but it's a bit busy with a six year old and two puppies."

"Oh that's okay." I said, and felt the nervousness running off as I started talking. "It probably looks better than my room anyway…" I was interrupted when six year old Sammy (Samuel) came stomping into the room.

"I HATE Malora."

"Sammy." Mr. Stone scolded coming into the kitchen where we had moved into. "You don't say such stuff about your sister. And especially not with guests in the house." Mr. Stone gestured towards me. "Now, do you remember that mum and I told you that we had met a girl who will sometimes come and look after you when I and mum and Malora needs to do other things?" Sammy glared up at me. But bit his lip and seemed to wonder about something.

"Mal won't let me have ice cream. She's stupid. Will you let me have ice cream?"

"Oh ice cream." I started, trying to come up with what to say next and tried to ignore the ice cream part. "You know..." I kneeled by Sammy, ignoring the sound of Mr. and Mrs. Stone trying to scold him. "I know it's easy to have fights with your friends and your family… like your sister. It happens often. But when you do you're going to know that you really, really love them. And that's why you need to not be angry anymore. Because if you don't. You might…." I silent, realizing everything I had done wrong towards Sharon since last summer. "…You might lose them."

I silent and sank down onto my knees on the floor. Suddenly these past nine months flashed before my eyes and I couldn't believe I had done all of this. Even less when one memory of the other started filling my head of the whole life that I and Sharon had spent together as best friends. The best friends we always had been- well, ever since she moved to Lima when we were four. So yes, pretty much forever.

"What have I done?"

It was only more than a whisper. And I barely even knew I had questioned it at all. Let alone said it out loud. The scene of the Stones' kitchen quickly mixed with all of my and Sharon's memories together.

"I'm such an idiot."

"Why would you think that?"

Sammy's voice brought me fully back to the kitchen and reality. Still the memories were flashing through my mind and I couldn't believe I had been acting like this.

Alex was an asshole.

Sharon was my best friend.

It shouldn't have been any harder than that.

I looked to my watch wondering if I could soon get the time to get out of this house. It wasn't that I wanted to get out of here already. But I needed to get to Sharon's as soon as possible and…

"Sharon?"

Mrs. Stone had already understood where my thoughts had gone to. And while I couldn't find the words to answer, I just nodded as much as I could (not much) and then could see Mrs. Stone kneel by me.

"You want to go and talk to her right?" I nodded again. "You just go. You can come back here tomorrow or some other day. We already know you." I looked up at her not knowing what to say. "I mean it Esme…"

"Thank you."

I quickly got onto my feet and ignored Sammy's questions about where I was going, just trusted that Mr. And Mrs. Stone would explain to him what was going on while I grabbed my jacket and my bag and then hurried out the door while I pulled it on.

In a few seconds' confusion I only stood still right down the driveway and turned, trying to understand what direction I was supposed to go in. Then it all clicked, I turned right and hurried up the street. Sharon's house wasn't far away.

But coming closer and closer to Sharon's house I felt something tighten around my chest. It wouldn't surprise me if Sharon would never want to see me ever again. And what would happen now when she had the baby, would she even have the time to talk to me? I mean, of course the baby would have to go first at all times but I…

."Hello Mrs. Daniels-" I said, fighting to keep my voice steady after Sharon's mum came to open the door. "I know, I know… But please… I really need to talk to Sharon I…" Not concentrating on myself for a second I realized Mrs. Daniels looked terrible. She was in sweatpants and a big, old T-shirt, her hair was let out and tousled. And I had never seen anyone look so tired. "Well… is the baby…. You don't sleep much do you?"

Making that questioning would haunt me for the rest of my life.

"Come on in Esme."

Mrs. Daniels' voice sounded weirdly hoarse, tired and haunted. Nothing like I had heard it before. And something in it scared me and had my heart beating- if possible, even harder than what it had been three seconds before. And I didn't dare to give in for my fear and walk away. So I stepped over the threshold and into the hallway while Mrs. Daniels closed the door.

I was meaning to ask if there was something wrong. But it was quite obvious that it was, and I couldn't have gotten a sound through my thick throat. So I was oddly relieved when after what felt like a million years in that hallway, Mrs. Daniels started talking.

"Esme…" Mrs. Daniels drew a deep breath. "I guess you know that Sharon went into the hospital from school…" I nodded slightly. But I didn't know the details- I just thought she'd went to give birth to her baby. "Well… what you…" She sighed again. "I guess there's no easy way to say it but… she had a…. he was stillborn."

For a second it felt as if the ground was moving beneath me and I was certain I would fall. Stillborn? No! That couldn't be true. Such terrible stuff happened to other people. They didn't happen to the people close to me. And certainly not to my best friend.

"I think…" Mrs. Daniels took a deep breath again. "Maybe it would be better if you leave and come back another day."

"Why?" Before I had the time to answer her Mr. Fisher came into the room. "Listen Esme. To make a long story short. Sharon went into hospital and gave birth on Thursday, she came home on Sunday- today is Tuesday. During these days she have barely gotten out of bed and even less said anything. We can't get her to eat, the only thing we can get her to drink is small sips of water. She just lays on her bed staring, and I don't think she have slept neither. You and Sharon are best friends- and I don't care about whatever it was going on this year and about that boy- you are best friends and you Esme. Know my Sharon better than anybody else in the whole wide world so… I think you should try and talk to her. We won't blame you or anything if Sharon still doesn't react but I think it's worth a try."

I didn't answer, neither did Mrs. Daniels- I just wasn't sure about what to answer or what to do. A part of me wanted to turn around, run out of the house and then never return. While one part of me said I should do as I was told and do like Mr. Fisher said.

"I can do that." I forced myself to tell at last. "Is she in her room?" Mrs. Daniels nodded. "Yeah, I guess I can find it… I walked through the hallway with my heart beating loud, opened the door to Sharon's room and then closed it as I walked in.

Sharon laid on her bed with her back against the wall. One of her arms were hanging by the side of the bed and even though she only slightly looked up when I came into the room. She didn't seem to even notice that I was there.

"Hey Sharon." I said softly and kneeled by her bed. Then took her hand. "It's me- Esme…. I wanted to tell you…" I searched for the right words. "I'm sorry this have happened to you… but also… I'm sorry for the way I've been lately. And I hope we can be friends again…"

"I'm sorry." I couldn't get any more words out. And after a few minutes of silence Sharon sobbed out a few of her own. "I'm sorry."

I had never heard a voice so broken and troubled before. And as Sharon was crying for what was from the very deepest of her heart. I could do nothing else than to take her in my arms hug her tight. There were no 'it's okay's or sch's in this matter. It wasn't true- and it would have been stupid to say in a time like this.

Soon enough I crawled into the bed and laid down next to her. Before she moved towards me and I hugged her tighter than ever she half mumbled half whispered something. I wanted to ask her what, but before I had the time she had raised her voice just slightly and said it again.

"Ollie… Oliver." I didn't say anything. I could guess that was the name the baby had gotten. But I wasn't going to pressure Sharon into saying anything she didn't want to. "I really wanted to name him Dakota in middle name. Dakota Lopez have been great during these times… I hope you don't mind I'm not naming him after you. If I ever have a girl I want her middle name to be Esme…"

"Of course I don't mind." I whispered back. "I wouldn't blame you. And Oliver Dakota sounds like a wonderful name…" Sharon nodded weakly towards my shoulder. "It sounds wonderful."

It was weak, it was junk. Well, it was a wonderful name but what I said was probably not what I was supposed to say- although, what was I supposed to say anyway? Nothing I could say would or even could take the pain away. So I just hugged her tighter, and held her like that without any intention of letting go.

We must have been lying like this on a thousand sleepovers. If not a million. Side by side, usually close together to tell each other's secrets. And keep on talking even though our parents had since long told us to go to bed. Lying like that until one of us fell asleep by herself and stopped answering to the other's questions.

The nights at those points were filled with happy memories, giggling, talking about boys, school or cute puppies. Watching our favorite movies and silly children's programs on TV or a laptop (and when Sharon got hers I was so jealous because she got to have her own) the biggest problems we had during those was when our parents came in and told us to go to bed. Even though we wanted to stay awake 'just a little while longer' and put makeup on (terribly) or eaten marshmallows and milky chocolate, or just talked and talked and talked…

But this time were nothing like those.

Sharon had stopped crying- at least for now. So now everything that could be heard was her shallow breaths and Mrs. Daniels and Mr. Fisher moving down in the kitchen. I would have done anything- and I was pretty sure that they would too do anything to take away just a little bit of Sharon's pain. Only just a tiny little bit so she wouldn't be hurting just as much as now.

From what I'd heard the worst thing that could happen to a human being was for a mother to lose her child. And seeing Sharon like this there wasn't a doubt. She was strong- the strongest person I knew. But weakly she laid on her bed in my arms. And honestly, if she would have never wanted to get out of here I wouldn't make her.

So we just laid there. It wasn't more than early afternoon but Sharon seemed to be falling asleep. It wouldn't have surprised me if she wouldn't have since Thursday. She probably hadn't. But I still didn't move, or say anything at all.

"Hello girls." Mrs. Fisher came into the room. "Don't worry, you can stay where you are." Sharon didn't look up and it seemed she had fallen asleep. "I just wanted to know if you want anything." I shook my head. Sharon must be asleep because she didn't react. "Okay, well if you do, you know where to find me." She leaned over the bed and stroke her daughter's hair. Sharon stirred a bit, but still didn't look up. And only mumbled for answer to what her mother said.

"I love you Shar. And I don't ever want you to forget that because I always will."

"_I love you too mum." _

**Charlotte POV **

It was the Friday, a week after school had ended and three days before it would start again when I and Seth sat in my room. I was sitting on my bed and he in the chair, and he had just read me another chapter of that Swedish book. He still came over as often as we could meet up and read a chapter. Translating it to English while reading.

"So what are you thinking about that book?" I shrugged. "Alright? Can you kind of… see yourself in the way Erla's thinking?"

I shrugged again, the girl named Erla- or also called Ise was the head character of the book. And through the last few months I had more and more been able to know that the book, that started of with this Erla starting some quite professional soccer team- was about a girl that let her food and training habits go way too out of hand.

I could understand why Seth had been thinking he should read it to me. And I did see myself and my own thoughts (or more like demons) in the way that Erla was thinking. But I wasn't so sure I was liking it or not.

"It's a good book. And yes… I know what you mean. Kind of…" I hesitated. "I do." I hesitated again, I didn't want it to come out wrong or I'd just hurt or humiliate Seth. "I really like it. It's a good book and the idea of this was great and…" I was saved by Seth's phone sounding loud and when he looked down to see who was calling I drew a silent breath of relief.

"I guess we'll have to continue another time then." Seth put the phone back into his pocket, grabbed the book and stood up. "Mum's coming to get me." I saw fear flash by on his expression. I knew how much he hated to travel with a car, but I could still tell he was trying to hide it. I tried to send him a reassuring smile but with how much the thoughts and feelings were spinning inside my head I thought it ended up more of a half-hearted grimace.

Seth put the book in my shelf, and then left the room. He waved goodbye going out into the hallway so I didn't go after him. But instead leaned back against the wall in the corner and fingered with the fabric of the sweatpants I was wearing.

Even through the thick fabric of the pants I could feel the deep wounds down my leg. They might not have been open flesh wounds anymore, but it didn't take much to figure that also the scars would be deep- and ugly. And even though I could- with a limp, walk on my own and could easily where jeans or tights as I used to before. But long sweatpants covered it up better. Maybe if the pants were too tight they would form after my leg and the scars would be highly visible even to people who didn't know they were even there at all. And that was a chance I couldn't take.

I stood up and stepped over to the foot of the bed, right by it hung a full- body mirror that my sister had always insisted would hang there. She hadn't taken it with her moving, and I knew that whatever happened to my weight or anything else- I wanted to see it. So with that I pulled my pants down and let my finger run towards the deep, still purple scars from the car crash last fall.

And they only added one more thing to the list of things I hated with myself.

I was too fat, my eyes were too small, my chest was too flat- my nose just weird and I would have loved for my hair to be darker than it was…

Sadly, I forced myself to turn the mirror so it would hang towards the wall and then crawled up to sit in the window seal. There was both a bed and a big arm chair for me to sit in this room. But ever since I was little- my best 'thinking place' had seemed to be in that window seal looking out towards the road. Sadly, the war I had against my own thoughts didn't end there…

Erla's point of view in the book wasn't much different from how mine would have been when the eating disorder was breaking me down at the worst. The way with eating as little as possible, exercise as much as possible and never stop- never stop- never stop. Even the way both I and Erla would kept on thinking we never had an eating disorder. Trying to tell ourselves that just as well as the people around us.

And there came the very worst part.

The last page of every chapter took the reader into the point of view of one of Erla's team mates and their point of view during a certain circumstance. And no matter how much I really tried telling myself I hadn't hurt people around me that much- I knew that was exactly what I had done. Only I'd been doing it even worse.

I had hurt my Frances, Liam, Seth, Mr. Blaine and all of the others in Finn's army. If I had had other friends I would have hurt them too. But as I looked out the window up the road, waiting for dad to come home I knew there was no one I had hurt more than I had hurt him. And after how heartbroken he had been when mum died and everything- I couldn't take away his happiness for me to be able to feel better in all of this. I couldn't do it for anything to get better…

Most of the time I and Kirsten just wouldn't get along. But solve it with mostly not talking to each other. It also felt like the best option for dad- we kind of shared him and none of us wanted to hurt him. We did not talking to each other. But how Kirsten could talk to me when dad wasn't around would have broken his heart. And that all the reason why I hadn't let him know. Because when I sat in the window seal waiting for my dad, and then could hear Kirsten calling down for dinner- it didn't take much brains to figure that dad wasn't going to be home for dinner today.

"Kirsten." I started carefully when I came downstairs. "Do you know where dad…"

"He's at your sister's." Kirsten answered sharply before I had finished my question. "And he won't be home until late." Something clenched in my stomach. "I made dinner. Come and eat." I glanced over the table and the pasta sauce she had made- yikes! "Charlotte Amato, sit down, take your fork and eat!"

Kirsten's tone was sharp, and when she sounded like that there was no protesting- I would know it better than anyone else. So with that I did as I was told- partly, sat down, took the fork in my hand and then only sat there. Not taking one single bite while Liam and Kirsten ate theirs portions while chatting about God knows what. I didn't hear what they were talking about anyway.

"Come on Charlotte." Kirsten's voice sounded low and cold talking to me when she and Liam had finished and she had been standing up to clean off the table. I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked down on my plate. "Finish that- and then you can leave the table." I put the fork in the greasy pasta and swallowed again. Maybe a smaller portion…

"Mum stop it." Liam's voice instead sounded tired and given up. "You know it's not that easy." I was still looking down into the table, but I could almost hear the way Kirsten looked at me. And that before I could see her hand, grabbing the plate in front of me and then taking the food away from me whether I had wanted to eat or not.

"Well. If that's the way you want it."

"Mum…"

Liam seemed like he wanted to say something. I was still staring right down, where the plate with the food have been but now was the table after Kirsten had carried the plate to the compost been and thrown everything out. Therefore I couldn't see how Kirsten reacted, but however it was Liam drew a deep sigh and silent.

"You know…" At the tone in Kirsten's voice when she stood by the kitchen counter doing the finishing works with putting things in the dishwasher, loudly and angrily. "…Charlotte, it's very frustrating when I have been putting so much of an effort into making dinner and then you don't even eat it. Like seriously, do you have any idea of how humiliating that is?" I looked up slightly, then only looked down again while I tried to fight away the tears burning behind my eyes.

I felt my hands shaking and clenched them hard around the fabric in my jeans pockets. But still, I didn't want Kirsten to know how much she hurt me. And honestly- I didn't think she understood how much she was doing it anyways. Or she understood and just didn't care- either was highly possible.

I kind of wished Liam had stepped up and said something though. Said something better than whatever I could dare to say- or even come up with the right words. Although he too had silent, and there was the whole while until Kirsten had finished with putting the dishes away until anyone (Kirsten) said anything more. And as she was walking towards Liam each word hit me harder than the train.

"When you were little you hated carrots." Kirsten said to her son. "I used to force you to eat them. Again, and again, and again… And at last you liked them." She was talking about it as if she had done some kind of magic. "I felt very happy when you did. The first time you were grateful for those carrots… You've grown up so much baby." She hugged him tight. Almost as if she wanted to hurt me as much as it was possible. "It was just yesterday I had to force you to eat your veggies and tie your shoelaces… and I loved that little guy and I love this big guy… I love you Liam."

Liam glanced at me from his mother's embrace. He and I both knew exactly how much it hurt me when Liam and Kirsten had this exchange of sentences. Not because I didn't want them to have it. But because I missed my mum so much it hurt and hearing this from my stepmum and stepbrother- or anybody else with their mum for that matter. It was just this reminded that made it hurt more than ever.

But only because I felt terrible. I mean for once, I didn't have to make everybody else feel terrible too. So I couldn't keep on making Liam feel awkward. I just gave a slight nod and stood up to walk away. But I couldn't help to watch Liam hug his mum tighter, as if the presence of me was reminding him of how lucky he was to have her. I was getting a lump in my throat and was turning away so none of them would notice, but while I didn't see- I could still hear.

"_I love you too mum." _

**Lea-Marie POV**

Out of all Mr. Blaine's stupid ideas these must be his very most stupid ever.

One- everyone have the same clothes during the regionals performance.

Two- Meeting up at his house during the mid- term holidays. I mean seriously. Glee club or not, he was kind of a teacher and I was pretty sure none of us wanted to go home to a teacher on a week we had off school.

"Why on earth would you think it's a good idea to have girls and boys wear the same clothes for regionals?" I questioned, Martina nodded agreeing but the rest of the people in here didn't seem so sure. And Mr. Blaine just sighed.

"Yeah…" Martina continued. "I mean… I don't even know what I mean, but I would think that it would be better to have like… well… normal…"

"I like the idea of everyone having the same." Jasper Birch protested against us- as if anyone cared about his thoughts about it anyway. "I mean- it's supposed to show like… that we're all the same or something like that… Isn't it Mr. Blaine?" Mr. Blaine smiled and nodded. "And besides, it's not the same. All the girls have long hair…" I glanced around, and yes- even Sharon's hair had grown so much during the last nine months she could easily put it up with that bow- although it would look terrible in her red hair. "…And all the boys have short. So we have different anyway."

"That's great Jazz." Mr. Blaine said standing up to show us he wanted to say something. "And Jasper's right. I and Kurt agreed on having the same clothes for girls and boys to show that we're all the same. That we're a team. And whether all of you would like it or not we wanted to give it a try and…"

"And we'll lose regionals because of it."

"Lea-Marie…" Mr. Blaine was starting to sound annoyed. "I get it- you don't like the idea. But it's the way it's going to be…"

"It's still a bad idea. Come on…"

"ENOUGH." I was quite thrown off when Mr. Blaine raised his voice- he had never… well, he had before. But only because I had to tell Mady what Benjamin had been too coward for. And this time it was all Mr. Blaine's and that Kurt Hummel-Anderson's fault anyway. "…I'm sorry… Look! It is the way it's gonna be. And even if I could I wouldn't change it now. Because I like the idea of it and I hope the judges will too. So Lea-Marie, Martina. This will be the way we're going on the stage…"

"Will you all be wearing the rainbow bracelets I made for sectionals this time too?" Mady asked and Mr. Blaine smiled slightly and nodded. "And will I be our shark- mascot?" Mr. Blaine's smile grew bigger and he nodded again, and also Mady's smile grew bigger than ever. "YAY." Mady Heedie's silly smile seemed to be contagious to most others in this room. Which was almost as silly as the idea of having a mascot in the first place.

"So what if I don't want to…" I was trying to make my voice heard again- why would I want to wear a bracelet for something that I had never considered supporting. It was disgusting anyway.

"SO" Mr. Blaine interrupted. "Has anyone else got songs or maybe another song to suggest since we're supposed to have three songs but only have two? Or just something to say about the clothes?"

"Well I too think it's a great idea." Seth reached for the guitar he had brought. "And I know we have had some trouble finding songs but… I think I found one that could work. Maybe I could show…" Mr. Blaine nodded but seemed oddly tired leaning back in his chair while Seth started. "I think it's about bullying… by a singer who was bullied at school… and… well… it won the Eurovision song contest for Sweden a few years ago…"

"No one cares about that." I stated. "No one cares about Sweden. Just start some time." Seth bit his lip, and it looked like he wanted to say something- instead he looked down on the guitar and took the first chord.

"_Don't tell the Gods…"_

I hated this song!

Well, I knew it from the first line. There wasn't a doubt that this song sucked!

"I love this song."

Obviously Mr. Blaine wasn't bright enough to understand the simple thing that this song sucked. And how it had won the Eurovision song contest I couldn't understand… must have been some kind of misunderstanding.

"This song is perfect for regionals."

Well, Mr. Blaine must have had quite a bit of stupid ideas- but doing that song would probably be the most stupid of all. It was the worst song I had ever heard. Not that Seth Anderson- Phillips was a very good singer. It would probably have sounded better if I had done it, or…

"Daniel… I think this song would suit your voice." The tiredness seemed gone away from Mr. Blaine. "Thank you Seth. I'll see you all tomorrow guys. I'll do a bit of more planning and… God I love you guys… Remember, we will have rehearsals every day after school until Friday."

"I do have other things to do you know." I put in. "You can't just take for granted everyone will…"

"It's nationals Lea-Marie." Mr. Blaine sighed and rubbed his forehead. "It's only this week. Can't you do that? I know you all have other things to worry about but please… take this one for the team?" Mr. Blaine glanced over the group, and everybody nodded- well, everybody except for me. "Lea? You want us to have a fair chance of winning too don't you? The most important part is that we're all there working together and…"

"Fine!" I fizzled. "But still, if we don't win it doesn't matter." Mr. Blaine sighed again and took a few notes in the notebook he had. Then sighed again and looked up.

"You can go home now. I'll see you all back at school tomorrow."

"Ugh!" I moaned. "Finally!"

"Lea…"

I ignored Mr. Blaine saying my name and left the room (and the house) as fast as I possibly could. I could feel my hair almost flying behind me as I walked out in the mild April-weather and felt the wind while I pulled the jacket around me.

"Lea-Marie. Wait." I didn't slow my pace when I heard Martina shout after me. Only hoped that she would leave me be- but for nothing. "Hey" she caught up with me. "You know…." Martina started talking while we walked up the road. "…After Mr. Blaine explained that he wanted us all to wear the same clothes because we're going to show that we're a team… well. I'd still liked it better if we had different and just the same colors like it usually is. But I kind of like the idea of this as well. I kind of like the ideas that Mr. Blaine have. They're very… creative… They are… Like we will always have stuff that no one else would think of."

"I don't care."

"But you kind of do. I mean… you're a part of the glee club and…"

"Will you just shut up?" I turned towards the blonde- haired girl abruptly. "I don't care what you think. It's a stupid idea. We'll lose regionals because of it and then all of this will have been for nothing. I'm going home now. Goodbye."

I didn't like walking places, I would much rather have taken my car but it had a flat tire and I only lived two blocks away from Blaine's house and with saying exactly what I wanted I span around so my dark hair flew around me. And then stomped up the way without caring about Martina or anybody else.

"Hey Christian… Hey."

I had barely even gotten inside the door at home when I could hear Marion and dad pet with my little brother. Not that it had been anything else (except for Christian's baby language) heard around here since he was born anyway. I loved Christian more than anything- what annoyed me was only that dad didn't even seem to see me anymore. Neither did he now when I stopped in the doorway to the kitchen where they sat.

"Christian… Christian…" Marion petted and looked down into his eyes. "Mummy loves you, yes she does. I love you so much… Oh yes I love you. I love you." I suppressed a sigh. What I was watching made me think about my mum. It was so unfair that she couldn't be here. At least Marion silent when Christian started talking in his baby language and dad took it from there.

"That's right, that's right. That's how we say it Chris."

"What?" Marion smiled to dad. They hadn't noticed I was there. "What did he say?" Dad smirked back at her and I couldn't help but to feel a lump rise in my throat at the thoughts that at least my little brother had his mum here. "What do you think he said?" Dad smirked again, and this time he didn't let the answer wait.

"_I love you too mum."_

**Jasper was going to a basketball game with his dad. But they never could get off as Evie had a breakdown. And I know that is so out of character. But if you think about it, Jasper was really looking forward to it (so would I have been. I might pass the idea onto the staff in my parish hahaha) and he's only fourteen, and only human. So- well, that's what happened. Poor Jasper. But then his mum talked to him, but Jasper, who I think were starting to see his mistakes, didn't want to talk. **

**Well, Esme and Sharon are friends again. Esme have barely been meeting Sammy Stone who she will babysit in the future. Sharon named the stillborn baby Oliver Dakota. I wonder what Dakota Lopez will think about it? Then Sharon's mum is more protective than the dad. And Esme would only want to do things right- even though she doesn't know how- who would in that situation anyway?**

**Charlotte and Seth are together, but it doesn't seem to be much more in between them then there was before. Seth is continuing to read that Swedish book to her and it's about a girl named Erla who ends up with an eating disorder of the same kind as Charlotte's. Charlotte now hates herself more than ever. And her stepmum Kirsten is making it worse. But Charlotte doesn't dare to step up to even take the chance to make anything better. **

**Lea-Marie hates all Mr. Blaine's ideas. Actually most people ideas except for her own then. Kind of like she always does. And then she really loves her little brother Christian. But she's kind of jealous of the attention he gets- and of course that his mum is there (which Lea-Marie still hates) while Lea's mum is not. **

**Playlist  
**Seth- Heroes- Måns Zelmerlöw

**So. You can see what is the theme of this chapter. And the difference to the autumn holidays' is that that one was 'I love you too dad' and this one was the same but with mum instead of dad. But there is also another difference. I'm not sure you can see it. But… only for a bit of fun. Try to figure out and guess. If there's anyone who gets it right she or he will get a spoiler for the next chapter. **

**Well, this chapter is I guess mostly- the current states of people's problems that's been there from the start- there's Evie Birch's depression, Charlotte's eating disorder and bad self-confidence, family problems etc. I'm not so sure what you'd think of it. But I hope you liked it because I kind of did. **

**You know, one thing I thought about writing the part in Esme's POV where she first comes to Sharon's house- it really does bother me that people over there are called Mr. And Mrs. And Miss. Like… we're in 2016. Over here we just call everyone by their first names and that seems so much easier… not that it really have got to do with anything. I was just wondering about it. **

**See you on regionals! **

**Random fact **

I actually also wrote a really short pov of Belle's where Lenny said the last line. But ended up deleting it as it didn't really add anything to the story.

**See you! **


	43. Except for one thing

**Hey guys. Sorry I haven't updated in a while (I honestly feel like I should stop saying that) Well, here I am with the regionals chapter. And I hope you all like it… oh and yeah, the thing in the A/N for the last chapter where I asked what was the difference between the chapter called 'I love you too dad' and the last chapter. The difference was that in the dad- one it was the person that had the pov that said that line. In the mum chapter they overhear someone else saying it to their mum. And there was one person who got it right so congrats to xIloveheartlandx- well done. **

**Jasper POV **

"Mum, dad, Evie… Are you coming soon?" I was in the kitchen at home waiting for the others to come. I my freaking time pessimist wanted to leave like yesterday for McKinley- thank God that regionals was at least going to be held there and nowhere further away. "Come on, we're gonna be…"

I didn't have the time to finish the sentence before a loud scream echoed between the walls of our house. I sighed, I had gotten way too used to it to fear it now and with another sigh I slumped down into one of the kitchen chairs- I'd have to come up with a plan B because now we were never leaving.

I could hear Evie's whimpering from the room next to the kitchen but tried to ignore and shut it out. Which probably wasn't made easier by the fact that I felt anger filling up my whole body- this was so unfair! The one and only time I wanted them there for something and this happened- Again!

"Jazz." Mum came into the kitchen from Evie's room just as I stood up and checked my phone for the time. "I'm sorry but it's looking like…" I didn't listen to her, I didn't have to. I knew how this was going anyway. "I'm sorry. We've all been looking forward to go…"

"Apparently not enough." I pulled my jacket on and grabbed my backpack. "I don't care anymore."

"Jasper. Don't be like that."

"Don't be like what?"

"You know she can't help it." I sighed yet another time- what did I care anyways? I had cared way too much and I had had enough. "But we can't leave Evie right now and… can you call someone for a ride or something because…" I just walked in front of mum through the kitchen towards the door. "You know we care for you just as much…"

"I don't care okay?" I span around, fought away the tears and faced mum. "I don't care. And don't come babbling about how Evie's more important and all of that. You love me all the same but honestly I don't think I can believe it when you say it. Because it always seem to be Evie's breakdowns that keeps you from coming to or doing something that's important to me. And this is important." I sniveled and angrily wiped a couple of tears that had escaped my eyes. "Was… I don't care anymore…" I pulled my shoes on and grabbed my backpack. Then when I talked again my angry tone was gone and had just gone given up. "I'll take the bus."

"Jasper…"

"Don't bother."

With that I slammed the door closed and took the porch steps in one jump. I had told mum not to bother about me. But I decided I couldn't bother about her or dad or Evie or anything and with that thought I stomped up the driveway and towards the bus stop.

"_I don't care. I don't have to bother about them. I don't care…"_

When I realized how much time had passed while I sat in the kitchen waiting for the others I started jogging. Also hoping that I could escape the thoughts speaking the opposite to what I was mumbling to myself.

"_It's true that I don't care. It's true that I don't care. It's true that I don't care." _

The bus was late per usual and I stood with my hands in my pockets, jumping up and down to keep warm. Still mumbling to myself, all until I stepped onto the bus and held up my pass towards the machine at the front. Then I had to stop- already after a second after stepping up an old lady and a couple of people close to the front of the bus started looking weirdly at me and I silent.

"There you are." Martina stated when I came running up in the room behind the stage. "We're up first, hurry." I nodded out of my breath from jogging up here and pulled up my stage clothes from my bag. "Don't bother with nobody seeing you. Just change." I nodded again- I had already planned on that and was already throwing my jacket on the floor while kicking off my shoes. I wouldn't have bothered the glee club seeing me. But when the door opened and two adults I only barely recognized from having been there at sectionals came into the room I swore and quickly pulled the white shirt over my head without fixing with the buttons.

"Hey mum." Daniel hurried over to the woman and wrapped her tightly up in a hug. "Hey dad." He hugged the man as well and then went back to fix thee buttons on his shirt. This time with his mum's help and while I could hear them talking it was too quietly for me to hear what they were saying. "Great. I'm so happy you're here."

If there was a doubt about the last words Daniel had chosen there wasn't one when looking at the smile on his lips and the way his eyes just shined when looking to his parents. I knew I shouldn't feel like that, that after all I lived with my family all the time while Daniel would be alone for most the time and hadn't seen his parents since Christmas. But seeing Daniel give his mum another hug and holding onto her sent a gust of jealousy through me.

"Of course we're here Danny." Mrs. Vincent mumbled. But I had moved closer to hear what they said. "This is too important for you for us to miss it." I sniveled and felt their visions on me. "Did you say anything?"

"No." I replied quickly and turned away for them not to see the tears rising in my eyes. "Nothing."

I moved over and pretended to read the lyrics for one of the songs we were doing. I knew them perfectly well but I just did it so I got some time to fight the tears.

_This is too important for us to miss it_

Mrs. Vincent's words echoed in my head and I was just unbelievably jealous of Daniel- why could his parents see it when I couldn't? Why did Evie always have to destroy everything for me? And why was she always so much more important than me? Damn it, she would have another breakdown tonight, or tomorrow or next week… this competition was now and it wouldn't happen again. And I hated myself for hating my family for the fact that they couldn't see that enough to care about this- or me.

"EVERYBODY." I looked up when Mr. Blaine came into the room and caught everybody's attention. "Get up. We're up now. Bradon, Keagan, Christie. Charlotte are you alright with this?" Mr. Blaine turned to the small, blonde girl who just nodded. "Great, are everybody okay?" There were spread yes's and nods around the room. "Okay then. You lot go to the other side of the stage. I know you know what we're doing. Do your best- and don't forget. Have loads of fun."

Mr. Blaine silent and left to go out to sit in the audience. And while half of the group left to go to the other side of the stage I could hear Mr. Blaine's last sentence ringing in my ears- have loads of fun, have loads of fun, have loads of fun. Well that was easier said than done. And the only thing that had been important to me had been taken away. Of course, as usual- it wasn't fair!

There would be only a few seconds until the first number began and we stood in groups on either side of the stage where we would be invisible for the audience. Bradon and Keagan had walked out to sit on each side of the stage. Only a couple of meters from each other. But the stage was dark and they were as good as invisible, just like Christie who stood in the furthest back and was supposed to she too have a part of the solos for the group number.

Right then I should have felt confident, happy and like all of this would be perfect. And I tried to feel like that with all that was in me. But I didn't- and with all that I tried to feel good about everything I just felt broken. Everything should have been so perfect, except for that tiny little thing… that actually was the most important of them all.

"Put yourself together Jasper Finley Birch." I whispered to myself under my breath. "They don't care about you. So why should you care about them." I took a deep breath and could hear the song starting. And so, while waiting for it to go on until we walked in. I just wished for one single thing.

I just really needed my family

**Keagan POV **

Bradon started singing the first lines of the solo in the first song. He sat only a couple of meters away from me on the opposite end of a bench put there for us, but still, his place was the only one lit up and otherwise the whole stage- including where I sat was completely dark.

I counted down the words to my solo. The spotlight above Bradon was turned off and the one above me was lit up. I felt my heart beat in my chest, it would be so very easy to screw this up. Sing the wrong tone or in the wrong rhythm. But once the first tone rose from my throat it calmed into its normal pace- I had this. I really had this.

Every note felt perfect and every rhythm suited just right. Then when my last line of the part was over the lights switched at the exact right moment so Bradon was in the light and not I. Then once again when Bradon had sung his line and the spotlight was turned off so darkness fell over the whole stage. And it almost felt like it was over the whole world.

I didn't have to turn around and check. By the part where Bradon and I had taken one line each the person by the back of the stage had started moving forward. The stage was still completely dark except for her. But we had done this so many times each of us could have done it in our sleep. And thanks to her being so little, she could easily crawl over the middle of the bench and sit between me and Bradon.

Just as my solo line was over mine and Bradon's spotlights were turned off and the one in the middle was turned on to show Christie sitting in the middle spot. And for a second while Christie started singing, I was really fascinated by what Mr. Blaine and Kurt had thought of being with those spotlights being turned off and turned on and off and on and off and on. Also by Daniel's cousin Jude who had been called in to fix with the lights and the speakers. And he and his buddy Pete must have been kept busy only with this number.

Christie had the first part of the refrain. Then came the second half of the refrain which was only the same words again and by then once again Christie's spotlight was turned off and while for the first time this song was more than a solo. Mine and Bradon's were turned on and we sung the next part together. And everything just felt right.

I made a mental note to thank Jude and Pete for this, as well as I had to thank Mr. Dom, Mr. Jonas, Kayla and Wil for being the band. Because everything didn't just feel right- damn. It was right. And I could feel it in my whole body.

The feeling only grew stronger and once again hit me that everything was right was by the end of the second verse. Only one spotlight at the time first Christie's as she sung, then Bradon's and then just the last two lines before the refrain it was my turn. And that right before all three of the spotlights were turned off and darkness fell over the whole stage.

For like half a second or something like that the stage was dark and I, Bradon and Christie in between us stood up from our spot on the bench. I clenched my hand hanging by my leg in excitement. It was time for the others to come in too. As when the spotlights were turned on again it was time for all three of us to sing. In the exact same rhythm as when the others came slowly marching in.

Just as the last word of the refrain where I, Bradon and Christie sung together the spotlights were turned off while dimmed light was lit up over the whole auditorium and we three on the front turned and headed to each of the groups of the others' taking up more and more of the stage.

Except for the music and our group the whole auditorium was quiet and seemed empty. I knew there were people all around- many of them, but for me only existed I, Bradon, Christie and the two groups of students that- in the exact same rhythm came slowly marching onto the stage as I and Christie took our places to the right and Bradon went to the left just as Charlotte broke from her group and stood in the back middle.

I barely moved outside the choreography to cross my fingers for her. I knew she had been so very nervous for this solo- and with right. She could never have done this at the beginning of the year. She had been so very shy- it wouldn't have been possible. And what could make that a problem was that that fact had barely changed at all. And therefore I crossed my fingers until they almost hurt and held my breath.

…_Let's come together_

Not until the very last word of the last bit of Charlotte's solo had rung out I let go and breathed out. And even though I knew a part of our number was to keep absolutely still and serious. I had to force myself not to let the biggest, silliest smile ever form on my lips- she had done it. Charlotte had done it. Charlotte! Our Charlotte.

…_We are the heroes_

Not until the very last of the song's words had been sung it really hit me that this was for real. People were all over the auditorium and this was… I hated to say that that's what I thought. I'm honestly not so sure I would have thought so otherwise (even though I knew I was a terrible loser). But it felt almost as if winning this was a matter of life and death.

We had to win this!

And so the lights were turned off all along and the stage was all dark.

_We had to, and if this would work out the way it was supposed to then we so would. _

In that very moment I was very confident both for myself and whole Finn's army. And I barely noticed when some quick, smooth moves in the dark the bench had been rolled to the edge and lifted down from the stage and to when Esme and Benjamin moved forward for their duet the rest of us sat down- directly on the floor.

….On the floor...

…Like seriously...

I couldn't say we had all been too happy about that the meaning was right now that we really were supposed to sit down like this. And I could also see Charlotte had some trouble and almost fell before she somehow saved it and sat down with one leg as if she would be sitting Indian style and the hurt one straight over it. As if she wanted to support it- which might have been the case. Bradon sat right behind Charlotte and after being friends with him for as long as I had been. I could clearly see on him that he would keep an eye on Charlotte and be ready to help her if needed when we would be standing up again.

I hadn't been too in love with the idea neither, and people had been obsessed with whatever they thought might cost us going to nationals. But Mr. Blaine and Kurt- who had also helped weren't going to change a thing from their plans and right here, right now I just felt that it was right.

We didn't have the colorful flashing lights in our numbers, not the coolest dance moves or the highest tones to show how good we were at singing. We hadn't even put up all of our best singers as Mr. Blaine and Kurt were obsessed with giving everybody their chance to shine. But we were us, we were here and now and I felt in every little piece of my body that this was right!

However- if the judges would agree with that and let us win… well, that would have to show.

With that it was time for our second song- a duet. Just like it had been planned Benjamin and Esme broke from their groups and walked together to the front of the stage and a microphone and partly almost looking like they were fighting over who came closest I felt a big smile form on my lips. From my place on the floor right on the front of the stage I could see the smiles that had formed on both of their faces and how couldn't my friends' happiness make me happy? Well… if there only hadn't been for one thing.

For a second I thought back to December and sectionals. Or more likely- the moments coming from sectionals, running up to the stables and greeting Alma happily. Telling her about everything that had happened at the competition. Tanisha was there too and listened closely, but I had been talking to Alma and just like I always did when I thought of her I felt a slight pinch in my heart.

_The gift of a friend_

The song sent another pinch to my heart. I had had the gift of a friend in Alma. The gift of a best friend who had been there through it all. And now she wasn't there anymore. And every time I was reminded that she'd never be neither I just wanted to lie down on spot and cry my heart out. Anything as long as it would feel better.

I could hear the words being spoken and knew that I sang along to when it was time. And I heard enough to know that Benjamin and Esme were doing well. Even well enough to remember the act looking like they were fighting over who could be closest to the microphone in the parts they sung together. And afterwards I would always be able to remember such melancholy while I was trying to push away the thoughts about Alma- not just right now. Not just right now!

I suddenly flinched and returned all at once to reality when I could hear the audience clapping hard. And after shaking my head a few times with looking around trying to take in what was happening I realized the second of our three songs was over and Benjamin and Esme came to sit back down with big smiles on their faces. That died out for the third performance as planned.

When the group number started Lea-Marie had the first solo and slowly stood up from the floor as she was singing the first bit- it was just so simple but in some way it was so beautiful. While at the same time maybe Lea was right- maybe the way of it being so simple would cost us nationals.

Right there and then I couldn't really have cared less. I was here, I was with my friends. I had fun- nothing else mattered.

**Sharon POV **

…_We got the power _

I had been walking around as if almost in a fog during each song of regionals. Knowing exactly what I and all of the others were doing and what we were supposed to do. Knowing that I had the solos for the group number along with Lea-Marie, and certainly knowing that with every moment that went by. It was yet another second without my baby.

Actually, it felt as if most of the time since I laid there in that hospital bed and they took Oliver from my arms had been spent as in a fog. I did and said everything I should- only I remembered it so weirdly. Like some pieces were all gone, almost like if I had been watching it on a broken TV.

Everybody cheering as we left the stage. Going on about how awesome everybody had done the performances. I could only hear parts of it still, and what I did I knew the words and the meanings but I couldn't figure out what to do about them.

"Sharon messed up…"

I could hear Lea-Marie talking about the last performance where she and I had split the solos. I knew very well- just as well as everybody who had heard her protesting in the rehearsals that she would have wanted it all to herself. And not even have the biggest parts of the song as a group number where more and more people joined and raised from the floor and started dancing as they started singing.

"…Now we're gonna lose. Told you I would have done much better than Sha…"

"Be quiet Lea. Everybody- including you and Sharon did the best you could and if you ask me you all did beautifully. And I'm the only one who was in the audience so I get to decide about what do you say. You did great too Sharon… Sharon?" Mr. Blaine's voice reached through everybody else's when he called my name "Are you okay?" I swallowed, and forced myself to bob my head up and down in a few nods. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah." I forced a smile towards his frown. "Excuse me… I need to go to the bathroom." Before anyone had anything to say about that I hurried out the room and down the hallway. Right then it didn't matter that I just left the team behind, that I could hear Vocal Adrenaline start their second song or if anyone could see me.

Air! I needed air!

I hurried out to the courtyard. Barely even knowing where I put my feet out with every step and barely knowing where I was going until I sunk down to sit on the cold cement.

"Hello Sharon."

I looked up when I heard a voice over my head and could just see Carole Hudson- Hummel come and sit down beside me. With thoughts spinning in my head even worse than what they had been two seconds ago it flashed by that she had lost her son too and something made us alike.

"Would there be something I can do to help?"

I shook my head slightly. I could hear what she said but I couldn't quite understand the words' meaning. As well as I couldn't find the right words. Thoughts were spinning in my head and I couldn't sort out one from the other to speak.

"You're not." She laid a hand towards my back and I flinched by the unexpected touch. "You know that I know…. And…"

But she had had her child! Finn had grown up and Carole had gotten to know him!

I had had nothing!

Nothing!

"Nothing."

"What did you say?" Carole seemed confused when I turned to look at her. And Lord! I was trying to be nice and act normally. But still I knew that when she asked again I wouldn't be able to. "What do you mean?"

"Go away." I looked up sternly at her. "You know nothing. You had like twenty years with your son. You got to know him. He grew up and you had twenty years to hug him, hold him and… have all of your time together… I got nothing… You understand nothing and this is not about you. So just go away."

Not until I heard the last few words I had said it went up for me that I had said them. And not until I heard the words I had said I understood- for the first time in what felt like forever I understood. I was such a…

"Carole I am so… I am so, so sorry."

"No." I could tell Carole seemed to act normally but still her voice was shaking. "You're right. I always make it about me and Finn… But I just wanted to let you know that if you want to… talk or anything… then… then you are not alone. I'm sorry I gotta…" She raised from the seat and hurried into the school building again. While I leaned forward and put my head in my hands.

God!

Thinking back to everything in my whole Goddamn life it all just seemed so perfect until that one mistake. And since then I had always been so sure that I would have made the perfect mistake if I had had my child with me. But I didn't have him now, so it had all been for nothing. And if I could have gone back to the perfect life I had had back then (or so it seemed right now at least) I would have done it in the blink of an eye. And I would have kept it all from happening, only so I would never have to feel like this. And not make all of these mistakes that came from that only one. So if it had been everything except for that tiny little mistake that had grown into such a big mistake.

And it had all turned into one heartbreak after the other anyway.

**Dakota POV **

"Are you okay?" I hate to admit that I didn't notice Sharon was gone until she came back into the room and reached for her hoodie on the back of a chair. "Are you?" She hadn't answered me at first, which should have been answer enough. "Sharon?"

I stood up from my chair and placed my palm towards her back. She flinched and finally seemed to notice me. Then she seemed to remember what I had been asking and nodded slightly- even though the truth was clear.

"Yeah sure. Just a bit tired." She stepped away from me and sat down with Esme on a chair in the back. They started talking- but too quietly for any of us others to hear. I decided that it was for the best to let them talk on their own and turned to sit down on the floor with Mady and Benjamin.

"It doesn't matter." Seth exclaimed suddenly loud enough to break through everybody else's voices where he sat on the floor by the wall. "We knew since before- we're competing against Vocal Adrenaline. There's no way we're going to beat them." There were spread agreeing nods in the room and Mr. Blaine sighed and jumped up on the piano to sit.

"I…" He put his head in his hands for a second before he looked up again. "Look! I don't know if we're going to go through this or not. And I don't know what's going to happen either way but what I do know is that if we don't go through to nationals it still hasn't all been for nothing."

"In English please."

"I don't care if we win or lose. I had loads of fun being the mascot and you had loads of fun singing and dancing and that is what's most important too."

"Thank you Mady." Mr. Blaine continued. "And just like you said. What I mean is that it doesn't matter if we win or lose. We've got each other and that is what matters the most. And whether we win or not I love all of you so much and this has meant more to me than I could have ever kno…"

"Can all glee club members return to the stage?" Mr. Blaine was interrupted when a voice was heard through the speakers in the whole school we all looked up- and hearing what it said my heart started beating loud with nervousness. "I repeat, can all glee club members return to the stage." I looked around, then quickly crawled onto my feet. And barely even noticing I grabbed onto Mady's hand, while Benjamin took her other one and we walked side by side behind Bradon and Keagan towards the stage.

"It doesn't matter anyway." I heard someone mumble. "We've known it for weeks- there's no way we'd beat Vocal Adrenaline."

Just as that had been said I could see the mentioned glee club stood right by us with their coach Jesse St. James, and just as that had been said I saw that guy smirk in such a self-confident way I would have given anything to just push him off that high horse and win- although, whoever had said it was right. Competing against Vocal Adrenaline we had no chance of winning. But still, side by side and in a group (to the difference of Vocal Adrenaline that came after us in a straight line) we walked onto the stage and stopped behind one of the judges- I couldn't remember his name but holding onto the microphone he waited until the third competing team- an all girls' called Darling destinies had come up to the stage last to talk again.

"First I'd like to thank everyone. All of you in the audience, coaches and glee club members. You have all done very well and if we could we would let everybody win…" I gripped tightly onto Mady's sweaty hand. Couldn't he just get this part over with. "And now… second runner up and third place…" The auditorium went all quiet and the only thing I could hear was my own heartbeat… "From Akron…" I sighed- this would be that all girls one. Which meant that we'd…. "...And Carmel high, Vocal adrenaline."

I felt my chin drop. And apparently I wasn't the only one. Vocal Adrenaline did they just… no… something must have gone wrong. And I obviously wasn't the only one who thought so because Mr. St. James was- read in the face of anger switching a few words with the judge… and no… apparently Vocal Adrenaline had loosed.

"Holy mother of God." Benjamin almost whispered. "…Did they just…"

"Loose?" I continued his sentence while Vocal Adrenaline left the stage. I could hear Mr. St. James start shouting at the students as soon as they were out. And even though they weren't close enough for us to hear the words. The tone was furiously echoing through the halls. "I guess they di.."

"And now… first runner up and second place…" I gripped hard around Mady's fingers again. While my heart was beating so hard it could just as well come hopping right out of my chest the judge had lowered the microphone and looked around with a mischievous smirk on his lips. "Also from Akron…"

I didn't have to hear the rest as cheers were sounding loud through the big auditorium as Darling destinies- who seemed happy for their second place took their trophy and the last and biggest trophy was held up.

"AND THAT MEANS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN." The judge had to shout through the microphone to be heard. "OUR WINNERS HERE TODAY ARE FROM WILLIAM MCKINLEY HIGH SCHOOL- FINN'S ARMY. GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY."

Cheering was loud, people were hugging and jumping on the spots. Christie- the smallest suddenly held the trophy and Daniel lifted her onto his shoulders so she could lift it high up in the air. The whole audience were cheering with us… someone ruffled in my hair and I decided to pass it forward into Benjamin's hair (he'd probably hate me for it but who would care anyway?)

And then, when Benjamin turned to me and faced me I made the biggest mistake of my life

I barely knew what I had been doing until I had broken away from it and in the middle of everyone cheering and jumping and shouting around us Benjamin and I stood completely still and only stared at each other and at first not saying a word. And God now afterwards I… Benjamin… It had felt like we had always been best friends after actually only knowing each other for a few months… And we had done everything together. We had lived together since I first came to his when I found out about my mum, and then at ours when their house burned down… and everything had been and was right except for this tiny little thing. Which I still barely believed I had done until Benjamin let hear a hoarse whimper. And despite all the cheering around us it was the only thing I heard.

"You kissed me."

**Well then. Jasper made it in time for the competition but was really disappointed when Evie had a breakdown which resulted in the fact that neither Evie nor their parents could come and watch them on stage. Jasper also started talking and now says he doesn't even care anymore because of all the disappointments and he feels Evie always means more than what he does- poor Jazz. **

**Meanwhile, Keagan, Christie, Bradon and even Charlotte had solos in the first songs. How it happened with how Charlotte is so shy and everything I'll try to get into the rest of the story how it happened- Anyways, Keagan still misses Alma loads and loads and loads. And he's also a very sore loser we find out then. Even though he's so sore they're win because everything's just right. **

**Sharon is of course very much heartbroken for the death of her Oliver- but of course. That won't go away. She needs some time on her own and then Carole comes and Sharon snaps at her- in a very mean way and oh yeah. One of the teams they're competing with is Vocal Adrenaline. **

**Dakota's point of view then… he just kissed Benjamin- the rest doesn't really matter. And they won, they won, they won. THEY WON REGIONALS THEY ARE GOING TO NATIONALS HURRAY!**

**Playlist**

Group song with solos by Keagan, Bradon, Christie and Charlotte- heroes- Måns Zelmerlöw (2016 version)  
Duet by Esme and Benjamin: The gift of a friend- Demi Lovato  
Group number with solos by Lea-Marie and Sharon: We got the power- Loren

**How they're doing the number of the song heroes was very based on the 2016 version from Melodifestivalen (the competition in which it's decided which song goes through to the big Eurovision song contest) You should all go check it out. If you find the right one it should have (in the picture for the video) a picture of Måns Zelmerlöw and a little blonde boy. It's awesome! As well, the performance **

**I just thought of that the first song is really described into detail with the lights and everything. But I don't really want to change that now so can we just be realistic and say that that is because it's told from one of the soloist's pov? As well as I was really happy with the way I planned for it to be? Okay! Great. **

**Random fact **

So, the theme/ title of this chapter was actually thought of through one of my very favorite songs- You should be here by Cole Swindell. Go check it out. It's so good.


End file.
